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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 372 -- Oct 20, 2000
Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2000 18:10:02 -0400
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Celestial Reviews 372 -- Oct 20, 2000
I have received six NEW stories to review for the special
Halloween issue. Here are the titles:
"Halloween Party" by artie
"Witches" by Maria Gonzales
"Music of the Night" by Tiramisu
"Eternal Rest" by Jack of All Trades
"Succubus In Blue Checks" by DrSpin
"A Wife's Gift: A Halloween Romance" by Redman
In addition, I shall repost reviews of these OLDER stories:
"Trick or Treat" by Saucy Wench (Halloween sex party) 10, 10, 10
"Trick and Treat: Halloween 1980" by Celeste (Halloween sex)
10, 10, 10
"Halloween Party" by WifePose (wife watching) 7, 8, 8
"Costumes" by Lord Malinov (Halloween orgy) 10, 10, 10
"Going Home" by Kim (romantic ghost story) 10, 10, 10
"Predator: A Tale for Halloween" by The Bear (scary sex story)
10, 10, 10
"Queer Halloween" by Vickie Tern (transgender revenge) 10, 8, 8
"Ghost" by Wgnmkr (ghostly masturbation) 9, 9, 9
"The Body Swap" by Dawn (TG witchcraft) 10, 10, 5
"Private Tasting" by Artie (witchcraft) 9.5, 7, 7
"All Souls Night" by Marawuti (erotic gothic novella) 10, 10, 10
"The Fearless Vampire" by Poison Ivy (vampire sex) 10, 10, 10
"Love You Forever" by Rahul L Iyer (Halloween romance) 7, 6, 6
"Masks -- A Horror Story" by Tom Bombadil (Halloween) 10, 10, 10
"Meeting Amanda" by Backrub (sex with a vampire) 10, 10, 10
"Intimate with the Vampire 2.0" by Rocket88 (vampire sex) 10, 10, 10
"The Warlock" by Rocket88 (witchcraft & whippings) 6, 9, 9
"Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mysterious outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
"Wet Dreams" by Backrub (mind control & dreams) 10, 10, 10
"Tales of the Seeding" by Wollstonecraft (Primitive sex
rituals) 10, 10, 10
"Porno TV: The Munsters" by Shelby Bush (sitcom parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
"Bed and Breakfast" by RC (ghostly sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9
"Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (bestiality) 10, 9.5, 10
"Princess" by Parker (TG Halloween Party) 10, 9.5, 9
"The Addams Family: Eddie Comes to Visit" by Shelby Bush
(sitcom parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
"Halloween" by RC (vampire sex) 10, 9, 9
"Boo!" by PleaseCain (mutilation station!) 10, 10, 10
"Brown Mountain Incident" by Charles Baudot (mysterious
Mm encounter) 10, 9, 9
"Temptation" by PleaseCain (poetic meditation) 10, 10, 10
"True Love" by Dafney Dewitt (murder on Halloween) 10, 9, 9
"Haunting Memories" by Gaetana (haunted house) 9.5, 8, 6
"Goodnight Kiss" by Ben Zonah (vampire sex) 8, 8, 8
"Ghost: The Long Goodbye" by Unknown Author (ghostly sex) 4, 3, 3
If you have other stories that you want me to review, please contact
me. I think there is an advantage in having a large number of
Halloween stories reviewed in a single place.
THIS WEEK'S JOKE:
A blond-haired boy and one with brown hair were arguing over whose
father could beat the other's up.
The brown-haired kid said, "My father is way better than yours."
The blond came back, "Maybe, but my mother is better than yours."
"That's what my father says," replied the other.
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Lipstick Lesbian" by Alfred E (ff initiation) 9.5, 8, 8
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26901
"Coming of Age" by Terri Madison (teen sex slavery) 9, 6, 3
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26741
"Lake of Dreams" by Pulp Fan (mythic sex) 10, 10, 10
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26779
"Some Annoying Aliens" by Chew Toy (alien sex) 10, 5, 4
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26502
"Molly's Shower" by Alfred E (shower masturbation) 9, 8, 8
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26858
"A Rough Week" by Knave of Hearts (office sex orgies) 9.5, 8, 7
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Knave_of_Hearts/www/a_rough_week.htm
"Caretaker" by artie (Oriental corporate sex) 10, 9, 9
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/Caretaker.html
"An Extraordinary Woman" by Jack of All Trades (sex with prostitute)
10, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/j/wwwoat/extwoman.htm
"Damn Women Golfers" by Captain Steve and Linda (humor) 10, 8, 8
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Captain_Steve/www/women.htm
"Dear Prudence" by Ann Douglas (Hollywood Sex) 9.5, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ann_Douglas/www/dear.htm
"Fonda and Cat" by John A and Virago Blue (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/JohnA/www/FondaCat.htm
=====================
Guest Review:
=====================
"The Courier" by Nikolai Mirovich (pokemon sex). Artful: 9.5, 9, 10
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26534
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Lipstick Lesbian" by Alfred E (alfrede65@hotmail.com).
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26901
Sex education time: A "lipstick lesbian" is a feminine woman who
loves other feminine women. A "femme" is a feminine woman who loves
masculine women. Unfortunately, not all people who consider
themselves to be lipstick lesbians agree with that definition. The
characteristic on which there is agreement is that lipstick lesbians
prefer to look like women -- that is, they tend to eschew the
"butch" appearance.
In the present story the term seems to have a slightly different
meaning. The two girls get together to study Freud and the non-
lesbian girl discovers that maybe she's not so "non-" after all.
Ratings for "Lipstick Lesbian"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Coming of Age" by Terri Madison (terri_madison@hotmail.com).
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26741
Michelle has just obtained her driver's license. As a result, she is
kidnapped and made into a sex slave by the feeble minded members of
a clan that has been engaged in an unfriendly rivalry with her
family. It's a family tradition.
There's little real plot -- just an inventory of nasty deeds that
lack authenticity or organization. It just wasn't all that much fun
to read about illiterate perverts with southern accents behaving
badly. In addition, I have a tendency to feel pity for driving
instructors who sniff the seat and masturbate after giving a sexy
teenager a driving lesson.
I really do have trouble believing a female author would write a
story like this. The "emotions" sound more like what adolescent boys
think goes through the minds of young women being raped.
Ratings for "Coming of Age"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Lake of Dreams" by Pulp Fan (pulpfan26@hotmail.com).
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26779
This story conveys the impression of an ancient tale, describing
times when men delved between thighs of women and sometimes lay
sated and gasping for breath on the sward beside the lake. There's
little point in my disclosing the details to you, since that would
risk ruining the charm of the story. I'll just say that the author
carries his task off admirably. If you're interested in a story
about the exotic days of yore, when the village beauty waited until
her eighteenth summer before allowing herself to be deflowered by
the son of the village blacksmith, then this story is for you.
Ratings for "Lake of Dreams"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Some Annoying Aliens" by Chew Toy (wellgnawed@hotmail.com).
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26502
John Park gets a mind control device called a hypno-ray. He uses it
like a socially non-promoted 9-year-old kid turned loose in a
roomful of naked kindergarten teachers. Meanwhile, an Imperial
Princess and her robot are preparing a sex slave and making plans
with a spy. Being humiliated in front of the Princess causes various
spies and servants to have orgasms. Cool!
This is apparently chapter 1 of many chapters. I normally don't
finish stories that don't catch my interest more quickly than this.
Aside from the fact that there's a lot of screaming in ALL CAPS,
this story is grammatically well written. However, it's just plain
childish, as the alphabet soup in the title line suggests: (mc, nc,
hyp, mff, fd, md, ft, humil, humor, mast, bdsm). On the other hand,
people certainly have a right to enjoy stories like this. I assume
that's how Henry James made a living.
Ratings for "Some Annoying Aliens"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Molly's Shower" by Alfred E (AlfredE65@hotmail.com).
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26858
Thirteen-year-old Molly feels herself all over while she is taking a
shower. At first she uses the rationale that she is checking for
breast cancer, but eventually she gets pretty heavily into
masturbation.
The story is a reasonable representation of how a young girl might
feel while doing her private thing in the shower. I don't remember
feeling exactly the way this girl felt, but I suspect lots of other
young girls have felt this way.
One problem is that the story is written by a person who uses the
name Alfred E. I have a little trouble thinking that a story is
realistic when the author represents himself as a guy describing the
inner thoughts of a girl. I think males SHOULD try to understand
what it would be like, for example, if a girl would break her hymen
during masturbation in the shower; but it's not all that convincing
when the person giving the description is a non-hymen-bearing
person.
Ratings for "Molly's Shower"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Rough Week" by Knave of Hearts.
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Knave_of_Hearts/www/a_rough_week.htm
While the wife's away the husband must play. In the present case,
the wife is out of town, and the boss's secretary comes on to the
husband. Which brings up a very important grammatical point: in the
preceding sentence there's a space between "on" and "to." Some folks
have a tendency to blend the two words together whenever the words
are adjacent in the designated order. However, "coming onto" someone
would be quite different from "coming on to" that person.
So Adam has an "endearing fantasy that somewhere in the depths of
every woman's soul is a cock-sucking, nymphomaniac slut just waiting
for the right time to pop out." The author probably means "enduring"
fantasy, but he has a valid point. During my adolescent years, I
used to have a foul mouthed friend -- actually a brother of a
friend, since I wouldn't be caught dead with him unless he were the
last boy in the world or unless I knew then about the marvels of
mind control, about which children in Catholic schools back in my
schooldays learned nothing, possibly because the nuns thought they
had a monopoly on that sort of thing -- who had a similar fantasy.
All women were latent nymphos, he said -- except for Sister Michael
William, whom he hoped would remain a virgin forever, for the good
of the males of the species. For my part, I have often wondered why
a Church who had so many nuns with male names could be so vehemently
opposed to homosexuality. Anyway, Ava's inner nympho takes over, and
she comes on to Adam on Monday. Each day a new co-worker or two join
in, and a very good time is had by all.
The action is hot and heavy -- so hot and heavy, in fact, that I
didn't even notice the use of stereotypical language like "Fuck me
hard," uttered by a nubile damsel whose voice was "hoarse with
lust." Let's just say the imagery was vivid.
The rating of "8" for plot and character may be high. If what you
want is some hot sex, then this story does a decent job of giving it
to you. However, if you want an actual rationale for why people
behave the way they do or some insights into how this all influences
the people involved, then the story is weak. I mean, the upshot of
the guy cheating for a week is that his marriage becomes stronger.
It seems that the women in the office were "anxious to test drive
the husband's dick," and the wife just loaned him out when she went
away for the week. Right. Of course, the wife should have said
"eager," not "anxious."
Ratings for "A Rough Week"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Caretaker" by artie (artie@netgate.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/Caretaker.html
Paul is an independently wealthy technical writer with degrees in
computer science and music from Stanford, who is also the caretaker
of some property that his late parents left him. Most of the tenants
who lease the property are Orientals, and they appreciate the good
care Paul gives them. As Confucius say, "Good care often
reciprocated." Hence, the young Chinese girl takes good care of
Paul. Then he becomes actively involved in his Chinese tenants in
their incipient business enterprise, and largely through his help
they become successful.
This reciprocal kindness leads to wealth and happiness, and along
the way Paul finds himself the recipient of some extremely pleasant
but mysterious sex. It seems that the young Chinese girl is a genius
at acupuncture, massage, aphrodisiacs, and several other skills.
Although she restricts his ice cream, she expands his horizons.
Although I have seen better stories by this author, this one is
still very good. The main fault is that the plot is not focused.
There are too many side plots that never get developed. However, I
suspect some people will like this discursive style and will,
therefore, enjoy the story even more than I did.
Ratings for "Caretaker"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"An Extraordinary Woman" by Jack of All Trades
(jackofalltrades@post.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/j/wwwoat/extwoman.htm
This story has been on my back burner for a long time. That's
because when I went on my "vacation" last summer I had glanced at it
and realized it was probably worth reading. I finally got around to
reading it, and I'm glad I have that back burner.
This is a retrospective story about the prostitute with whom the
narrator first lost his virginity. He remembers her as a woman he
loved deeply. When she found out that he was a virgin, she said to
him, "Russ, you need to make a choice. I can get you hard and we can
make love, or I can teach you how to love a woman. Which do you
want?" He makes the right choice.
The descriptions are not only sexy, but also just plain beautifully
descriptive. In addition, the story has some really nice twists, as
it describes the ambiguities of such a relationship and the
narrator's growth as he moves through his life.
Ratings for "An Extraordinary Woman"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Damn Women Golfers" by Captain Steve and Linda.
The authors have taken an old golf joke and have turned it into a
very short story. In order not to give away the punch line, I'll
simply tell you another old golf joke, which I think would be better
than the present story, if proper embellishments were added.
A husband and wife went to take golf lessons from a pro at a local
country club.
The man went up to hit first. He swung and hit the ball 100 yards.
The golf pro said: "Not bad." Then he added, "But try holding the
club about as firmly as you hold your wife's breasts".
The man followed instructions and hit the ball 300 yards.
Next, the woman took her turn. Her ball went 30 yards. The golf pro
said: "Not bad." Then he added, "Try holding the club like you hold
your husband's dick."
On the next swing the ball goes only 10 yards. The golf pro said:
"Not bad." Then he added, "But now take the club out of your mouth
and try holding it with your hands."
Ratings for "Damn Women Golfers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Dear Prudence" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Ann_Douglas/www/dear.htm
I never cease to be amazed at how I never cease to be amazed at this
author's ability to keep on churning out good stories with well
developed characters and interesting story lines. What makes Ann's
accomplishment all the more impressive is that she uses only two
basic motifs: (1) young person has meaningful sex with older person
and (2) latent lesbian is introduced to meaningful sex by active
lesbian. The author often combines the two themes into a single
plot. In addition, she adds interesting settings and plot elements
that manage to make each new story seem like a genuinely new story.
In the present case, the author sets her story in Hollywood. Brooke
Hudson is a 39-year-old star of a TV series that has run its course.
For reasons that are clear from the story, she agrees to go to the
Awards dinner with her much younger co-star, Gregg Newman. She
eventually teaches him how to make love to a real woman.
The story has the usual characteristics of an Ann Douglas story --
sensible plot, meaningful sex, and an interesting variety of details
to put the sex in context. I think you'll like it.
Ratings for "Dear Prudence"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fonda and Cat" by John A (John3365A@aol.com) and Virago Blue
(VBwrites@aol.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/JohnA/www/FondaCat.htm
Cat(Trina) first agrees to sort of date Fonda as an alternative to
gutting fish or doing community service for failure to pay her bill
at Fonda's restaurant. From this inauspicious beginning, an
interesting relationship develops. There's a lot of lead time --
4.56 chapters, to be exact -- before the sex starts; but when it
comes, it cums in buckets, so to speak.
So Fonda Daskalakis is courting Cat. A significant problem is that
Cat's best friend is a bisexual woman named Margie. The threesome
with Cat and Margie at the end of the first night was one thing, but
Margie is a bit of a nympho. Like, she gives him a blowjob while
they're driving down the street. He almost runs into a taxi when he
comes; and you know how taxis in New York hate to be run into.
Problems of this sort evoke little sympathy from Fonda's brother and
confidant, who thinks Fonda is a lucky bastard.
And so it goes. You'll have to read the story to learn more. It's an
excellent story with a nice treatment of the insecurities and
ambivalence that people invariably feel when they're falling in
love.
What we have here is a really nice story that contains some really
hot sex. Leave out all the sex, and you'd still have a nice plot for
"Touched by an Angel." Actually, that's a pretty good case for
keeping the sex. I find it impressive that two authors collaborated
on this story. The blend is seamless -- or maybe transparent is the
buzz word that I'm looking for.
This is an excellent story. Don't miss it. More people should write
more stories like this one.
Ratings for "Fonda and Cat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"The Courier" by Nikolai Mirovich. Guest review by Artful.
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Alt.Sex.Stories.Moderated/Y
ear2000/26534
For those of you (such as our esteemed reviewer) who are not
familiar with Pokemon, here is a brief summary.
Pokemon is an abbreviated term for "Pocket Monsters". It refers to a
wide range of material; including manga (comic books), anime
(cartoons), video games, and other sundry merchandise. The setting
for Pokemon resembles a possible near future of earth with one major
exception. All animals (and some plants) have been replaced with 150
varieties of 'monsters'. These 'monsters' are usually
representative or composite animals. For example, 'Meowth' is a
representative cat, 'Arbok' is a representative snake, and
'Rattatta' is a composite small rodent. Some are drawn from fantasy
such as ambulatory plants (Bulbasaur), ghosts (Haunter), and dragons
(Gyrados, Charizard, Dragonair). Some are purely representative of
ideas, such as electronic devices (Voltorb), or sloth (Snorlax). The
entire ecosystem above non-ambulatory plants is comprised of these
creatures.
By virtue of their unusual genetics, Pokemon have a large variety of
ways to attack and defend. Some of these techniques you might
expect, such as scratching and biting. Others are more unusual.
Pokemon can throw directed lightning bolts, breath fire, produce
beams of pure cold, or spray water with power and accuracy. Even
more amazing, their near-human intelligence allows them to use
strategy in selecting and directing their attacks.
The types of attacks a Pokemon can use are indicated by its type. A
Pokemon can be up to two of the following types: water, electric,
fire, grass, flying, fighting, poison, earth, rock, bug, ice,
dragon, psychic, or ghost. The type of a Pokemon also indicates its
strengths and weaknesses. Each type of Pokemon is strong against
some types and weak against others. For example, a water type is
strong against fire, earth, and rock types; and is weak against
grass and electric types.
Another function of a Pokemon's odd genetics is the ability to
'evolve'. (Relax, this has nothing to do with the evolution that is
or is not taught in school.) Once a Pokemon has garnered sufficient
experience in battle, they are able to change their form. The
'evolved' Pokemon are bigger and stronger; and they can learn more
powerful attacks. As a Pokemon grows stronger, it also grows more
difficult to control. It takes a truly skilled trainer to control a
Pokemon at its third state of evolution.
The biggest advance of this near future is matter to energy
translation. Matter can be converted into pure energy. It can then
be stored electronically, transferred across wires, and
reconstituted into its original state. The largest single
application is the Poke ball. The poke ball is a spherical object;
half red and half white split down the center, with an indicator
light in the middle. It can change in size from baseball-sized for
easy handling, to golf ball size for easy transport. The poke ball
can be used to capture wild monsters by translating them into energy
and storing them on chips implanted on the interior. The monsters
will try to resist this capture, so it is necessary to use
previously captured Pokemon to battle and weaken them. Once
captured, the monsters can be summoned forth and returned to the
ball with vocal commands.
Humans and Pokemon interact in numerous ways. Independent
researchers, such as Professor Oak, study Pokemon scientifically.
The Silph Corporation creates Pokemon equipment for financial gain.
Team Rocket uses Pokemon to gain power and influence. The most
common interaction is that of the trainer. There are two types of
trainers; 'errant' trainers and gym trainers.
An errant trainer is interested in capturing wild Pokemon; as many
and as many types as he is able. Trainers are often fiercely
competitive, using their Pokemon to fight other trainers for bets or
prestige. Any encounter between two trainers will usually result in
a battle. The loser of a battle usually runs away in shame. A gym
trainer specializes in a particular type of Pokemon. They practice
in their gyms, helping out local trainers and accepting challenges
from errant trainers. Each gym is symbolized by a badge; the prize
for defeating a gym leader is that badge. Once a trainer has eight
badges, he can participate in a league tournament.
The cartoon version of "Pokemon" follows the journey of Ash of
Pallet Town. At the age of ten, he sets out as an errant trainer.
His stated goal is to be the world's greatest Pokemon Master. His
dreams suffer a setback as his first attempt to capture a Pokemon
fails. Instead, he ends up being chased by a flock of angry Spearow
(aggressive bird types). In his desperate scramble to flee, he
snatches a bicycle from a young girl with a hurried promise that he
would give it back. Unfortunately, he lands in a pit dug by the
nefarious Team Rocket. That wrecks the bike and nearly causes him to
lose his first Pokemon, Pikachu. At the last minute, the Spearow
attack Team Rocket. Team Rocket retreats, swearing they will one day
capture Pikachu. After the Spearow clear away and Ash gets out of
the pit, the girl Ash stole the bike from catches up with him. She
announces that her name is Misty and that she will follow him until
he makes good on his promise.
There, now you can carry on a conversation with your children about
this without being embarrassed. (For thirty seconds, at least.) On
with the review.
This story has been mislabeled as fan fiction. The setting is
familiar to anyone who knows Pokemon. The characters of Ash and
Misty have a general physical resemblance. However, the
personalities portrayed by Ash and Misty are completely divergent
from the source material. The author is either forgetting or
ignoring that the characters he is portraying are no older than 12.
Ash is too young to possess the complex personality shown in this
story. Likewise, Misty is too underdeveloped to support the weight
of a full-grown woman; especially while she is... um, distracted.
Thus, this isn't any more of a 'fan fiction' than Dimitri's comic
book fantasies. Anybody who is a purist is going to be bothered by
this.
Let's ignore that, then, and focus on this as a work of fiction. The
story opens with Ash and Misty shouting at each other. The match
ends with Ash walking away, leaving Misty sitting at a stool.
Unbeknownst to either of them, a bicycle courier watches this
exchange. Feeling sympathetic, Miranda writes a poem and has her pet
Rattatta send it over. A cup of tea leads to an invitation to hot
springs. The offer quickly extends to a new bicycle, then a friendly
bike ride, then a night in a hotel. Things progress from there.
The real beauty of this story is the accuracy to which the
personalities of the characters are portrayed. Each character has an
actual history, which leads to the present they now inhabit and
influences their action. Ash is fiercely competitive and used to
having others obey his commands. Thus, he naturally falls into the
mindset of an abuser. Misty, abandoned and unappreciated by her
family, becomes a natural victim. Nonetheless, she retains an energy
and vitality with both intrigues and infuriates the abuser.
Miranda's parents died while she was young, and she cared for
herself thereafter. When she seems someone with a self-destructive
personality, she would naturally try to help.
The characterization of the Pokemon is also well executed. They all
possess independent personalities, along with complex interactions
with humans. Their participation in the plot is well integrated,
receiving not too much nor too little attention.
One separated from the abusive influence of Ash and in the nurturing
influence of Miranda, Misty begins to improve. Her natural
exuberance reemerges. As the story progresses, Misty becomes more
secure and independent. She sets off on her own path, following her
own dream.
Hmm... Oh yes, the sex. That is, after all, why the story is here.
Otherwise the story would have been in
rec.Nintendo.pokemon.fanfiction. Of course, the subject matter would
be a little mature for that audience. Most of the people there would
be more interested in Pokemon cards than psychology. Or perhaps bike
riding... Hmm, where was I? Right. The sex scene (only one in a 70
page work!) is very good in an aesthetic sense. It is a caring act
between two people who are interested in each other. Also, the sex
actually makes sense within the context of the story. There is a
slow build up and hesitancy before the act is committed. This is
integrated beautifully with the personality of the characters.
However, it could not really be described as 'hot'. Too slow, with
too much extraneous description, and actual (ugh) conversation
interspersed.
The accuracy with which the characters are developed becomes a
problem as the story continues. The characters begin to portray the
roles they fill too well and too exactly. Each action fits into the
formula of the story, with little or no aberration. The sequence
becomes set, and the ending is extremely predictable.
Minor nitpick: Miranda complains about Misty wearing shoes in the
bed. The Japanese have very set rituals about shoes. Shoes are
always removed upon entering a domicile or private room. Thus,
wearing shoes to bed would represent a major faux pas.
In summary; if you're looking for Pokemon fan fiction or hot,
intense sexual action, you'd best look elsewhere. If you're
interested in a solid piece of fiction that examines the nuances of
abusive relationships, this is for you.
Ratings for "The Courier"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5 (formulaic plot)
Venus (technical quality): 9 (minor grammatical errors)
Artful (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
CELESTIAL GRAMMAR:
=====================
INTO & ONTO
The word INTO is not always a proper replacement for IN
TO, nor is the word ONTO always replacement for ON TO.
INTO means "to a place or position; in toward." Into actually
has several more meanings, but the key point is that very often "in"
and "to" need to be separated:
WRONG: She gave into his demands and agreed to have sex
with him and his ex-girlfriend.
RIGHT: She gave in to his demands and agreed to have sex
with him and his ex-girlfriend.
ABSOLUTELY SILLY: After he read the marriage manual for two
hours, he went INTO see if he could pop his wife's cherry.
ONTO means "to a place or position; upon." In other cases "on" and
"to" need to be separated.
WRONG: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went
ONTO her breasts. {This means he mounted her breasts.}
RIGHT: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went
ON TO her breasts. {This means he continued by rubbing
oil into her breasts}
WRONG: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
to move ONTO the real sex.
RIGHT: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
to move ON TO the real sex.
WRONG: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
hold onto his cock with my pussy muscles. {"mussels" would
be a different error -- or an interesting metaphor}
RIGHT: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
hold on to his cock with my pussy muscles.
ABSOLUTELY SILLY: He had so much fun fucking his mother
that he went ONTO bob the knob with his sister and aunts
as well.
<end>
--
-denny-
curmudgeonly editor
"Life with the circus is one long uninterrupted dee-light."
(Barry Longyear, _Circus World_)
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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