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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 371 Oct 14
Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2000 07:10:01 -0400
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Note: Whoa! When I returned from my vacation, I announced that I was going
to be a little more selective in what stories I reviewed and that I would
have to be a little more severe in my ratings. Dammit, I have tried! But
in the last few weeks I have been bombarded with some truly outstanding
stories. I suspect that there are other stories out there that are equally
good, but which I have not seen.
I occasionally see debates about "when was the Golden Age of Erotic Lit
erature." My answer is that we're living in it. My thanks to the authors
of these excellent stories.
Second Note {The Blowjob Principle}: Occasionally good writers stop
writing stories for this newsgroup. If you rarely or never respond to
authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it
ego or whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blowjob Principle.
The Blowjob Principle states that if a person expects to get a second
blow job, the recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the
first blowjob. Applied to these stories, the Blowjob Principle means that
if you like a story, you should take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to
improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are
good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will
do so, because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the
author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but
they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction -- for
example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have
succeeded unless somebody tells them so.
I was amused to find the literal blowjob principle in one of the stories
I reviewed this week. One of the characters in "Body Double" says to
another something like, "If I ever want another blowjob like that one you
gave me last night, I had better show my appreciation to you right now."
HALLOWEEN NOTE: I have in past years posted a "Special Halloween Issue."
I plan to do this again this year, and I notice that there is a Halloween
Activity on a.s.s.d. In the past, some of the worst stories I have ever
read have been illiterate, juvenile nonsense masquerading as Halloween sex
stories. I am pretty sure I have both wasted my own time and annoyed the
authors by reviewing these stories indiscriminately. On the other hand,
there have been some great Halloween stories, and I think my reviews have
drawn attention to them.
Therefore, if anyone wants me to review their new or old Halloween
story, please let me know. I'll still repost last year's reviews {which
appeared in CR 344}, but I'll also make an attempt to review any new
stories called to my attention. I'll post my reviews in the October 28
issue of CR. Either you can post your stories before October 28, and I'll
review them as they appear; or you can send me an advance copy, and then
you can post them when the review is published.
THIS WEEK'S JOKE:
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he decided to
go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his
problem.
The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate
early, try startling yourself."
So the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All
excited to try this suggestion, he hurried home to his wife, whom he found
in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began going at it, they found
themselves in the 69 position. Moments later, the man felt the premature
urge to ejaculate, and so he fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How
did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol,
my wife pooped on my face and bit 3 inches off my penis; and my neighbor
came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
==================== Celestial Reviews Index: ====================
"Sandman" by Wiseguy (hypnosis) 10, 9.5. 9.5
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/sandman.htm
"No Substitute" by artie (minor fetish) 9.5, 9, 9
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/SUBS.html
"Master PC: The Eclectic's Edition" by Xanthos Pendragon
(romantic mind control) 10, 10, 10
http://xanthos.the-wolfpack.org/
"On How to Give Someone an Orgasmic Dream" by Ravensclaw
(humorous essay) 10, 10, 10
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26822
"World Domination" by artie (mind control) 10, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/WD.html
"I, Suzanne -- The Love Machine" by Bev Stephens
(sexual infomercial) 7,7, 7
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26390
"Body Double" by GenericJoe (science fiction) 9.5, 9, 9.5
http://offthebeatenpath.org/genericjoe/bd/
"Lovin' to Go" by Souvie (undercover sex) 9.5, 8, 8
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Write_Club/lovin_to_go.htm
"Bang, Bang, You're Dead" by Father Ignatius (quickie) 9.5, 8, 8
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Write_Club/bang_bang_youre_dead.htm
"Roadside Assistance" by Virago Blue (distressed damsel sex) 9.5, 10, 10
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26747
"Tool" by artie (mysterious mind control) 10, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/Tool.html
==================== Guest Reviews: ====================
"The Wonders of Hypnosis" by Jennifer Doalfer. (hypnosis).
Nat: 9, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/doalfer/www/TheWondersOfHypnosis%20v2.htm
"Utopia" by Dandy Don (cultic sex). Myers: {No rating}
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26405
"Spiders" by artie (weird, best?). Emily: 0, 2
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/Spiders.html
==================== Reposted Reviews: ====================
* "Trinity Trilogy Novel" by Tom Trinity
(orgies and relationships) 10,10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/BitBard/www/forray/trinity/
==================== Here are the Reviews: ====================
"Sandman" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@hotmail.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Wiseguy/www/sandman.htm
Gabrielle is a high-profile TV news reporter who has been hypnotized by
a sinister thief who has broken into her condominium while she was
sleeping. You may suspect hanky–panky; but the thief is an ethical chap
who wants nothing more than to steal secret information from her computer
while she is in the hypnotic state. Well, almost nothing more.
This is a "different" kind of hypnosis story. The plot is a lot more
complex and interesting than many of the simple hypnosis and sex stories
that I have seen. In a way, the ending was unfulfilling; but in another
way it was p erhaps the best possible ending.
This is a good story. You should take a look at it.
Ratings for "Sandman"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"No Substitute" by artie (artie@netgate.net).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/SUBS.html
The narrator has a sort of a fetish. I really shouldn't tell you what
the fetish is, because that would lessen your ability to enjoy the author's
manner of disclosing it. I'll just say it involves something smaller than
a breadbox.
Our narrator has broken up with Peg, who used to satisfy his fetish.
Thereupon, he sought a substitute. But a substitute cannot replace the
original.
Well, if I can't tell you any more about the story, let me tell you
something about grammar. The narrator says, "She knew about Peg and I
breaking up." That should be "Peg and ME breaking up." The case of pronouns
in compound subjects and objects can be confusing. The easiest way to
decide what case to use for the pronoun is to simplify the phrase by using
a simple (non-compound) phrase. In this case, it would make sense to say,
"She knew about ME breaking up with Peg" or "She knew about US breaking
up," but not "She knew about I breaking up" or "She knew about WE breaking
up." Therefore, when we go to the compound phrase, we insert the singular
equivalent of US. This simplifying process almost always works. That is,
it's safe to simplify and then go by what sounds right.
Here's the kicker. Technically, the "subject" of a gerund is supposed
to be in the possessive case. Hence, the non-compound version would be
"She knew about OUR breaking up" rather than "US breaking up." Actually,
most normal people would tolerate either expression. However, when we go
to the compound possessive, things get complicated. With compound
possessives, the rule is that if whatever is possessed is possessed by both
people, then the sign of possession (the apostrophe) has to come after the
second person; hence, there is no question of saying "Peg's and my
breaking up." So, strictly speaking, the right thing to say here is "She
knew about Peg and my breaking up." That sounds just plain stupid to me,
and so I would go with "She knew about Peg and me breaking up."
You'll have to excuse me. I have a grammar fetish, and my husband is
not home. The preceding discussion was as good as sex for me. I hope it
was good for you too.
Ratings for "No Substitute"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Master PC: The Eclectic's Edition" by Xanthos Pendragon.
http://xanthos.the-wolfpack.org/
This is not your run-of-the-mill mind control story. It's a romantic
novel that sets forth a stimulating and interesting case for unselfish,
non-jealous, bisexual polyamory.
Although the Leader of the Pack possesses essentially magical powers of
control over those around him, he exercises extreme restraint in the use of
these powers; and the mind control that forms the basis of the story
becomes a almost a voluntary form of self-control. The theological
question that emerges from this story is, if this sort of process is
possible, why wouldn't God apply it to all of her creation? I don't expect
to hear an answer to that question anytime soon.
The story is essentially a utopian wet dream. Xanthos finds a computer
program that thrusts upon him the power to command anyone around him. By
issuing commands recursively, Xanthos stands a good chance of becoming the
Master of the Universe. Sometimes Xanthos makes mistakes, but in such
cases he debugs his program and makes necessary adjustments. He
accumulates a "family" of beautiful women and transports them to the
Promised Land, which happens to be in North Carolina. A good time is had
by all, while they grow in age, wisdom, and the ability to share love and
pleasure with one another.
The magical power extends to both physical characteristics and to the
minds of the people Xanthos influences. For example, he increases his own
strength and staying power tremendously, improves the health and physical
characteristics of himself and of all his women, and even changes the
mother of one of the girls into a 29-year-old dynamo – even restoring her
hymen so that he can "do the honors" himself. In addition, he has a power
over minds that helps him eliminate jealousy in his harem, keep outsiders
from becoming suspicious, and prevent selfish, evil perverts from gaining
control of the program.
Along the way, Xanthos also invents an inexpensive, efficient universal
remote control for electronic devices. In truth, his power is not
necessary for inventing this electronic marvel – Xanthos uses the power
only for personnel selection and to support staff morale for the
electronics firm he founds to market his product. At the very end of the
story, however, Xanthos strains credulity by saying that he enhanced (or
reformed) the mental and moral abilities of the lawmakers in Washington DC.
In addition, a few cynics will wonder why a person with godlike power would
use Windows 98, MS Office, and Netscape. The answer is, this god is a
humble god.
As I have suggested, an important aspect of the story is that Xanthos
uses his powers in a most ethical and benevolent fashion. Although the
saying "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely" is mentioned
in the story, this principle obviously does not apply to Xanthos. He
derives great pleasure from the women he welcomes into his family; but in
doing so he bestows even greater pleasure upon them. The trick, it seems,
is to banish jealousy and to be deeply concerned about the feelings of
one's partner(s) -- and, of course, to possess extraordinary insight into
human nature. Xanthos' main "pick-up line" is to say to a woman, "If you
could change anything about yourself -- no matter what it was or how
possible it was -- what would it be?" Then he accomplishes the designated
change -- sometimes only on a temporary basis. I guess that would impress
some people more than your typical barroom trick.
The basic untruth behind this story, of course, is that a program like
Master PC does not exist. Indeed, it probably CANnot exist. However, even
if we grant the assumption that someone COULD develop such a program, there
remain three fatal flaws in the logic underlying this piece of romantic
science fiction. The first flaw is that power DOES tend to corrupt and
that absolute power DOES corrupt absolutely. Secondly, it seems unlikely
that jealousy REALLY can be banished as completely as it is in this story.
And finally, absolutely perfect insights into human nature or the
personalities of specific people are about as rare as people free of
jealousy who remain uncorrupted by absolute power.
However, the fact that all three major premises of the story are false
need not interfere with our enjoyment of the story. All we have to do is
suspend our disbelief, and we have an outstanding story that revels in the
glories of unabashed hedonism. Heck, for a dose of unabashed hedonism, I
think I can suspend my disbelief for an evening or two.
Now keep in mind that almost all the great novels – and probably all
the great everything elses – require a willing suspension of disbelief.
The result of this journey during which we accept false premises is that we
can achieve insights that are really helpful when we unsuspend disbelief
– either that, or we just plain have a really good time with our
fantasies.
The story reminded me of the Trinity Trilogy, in which an author calling
himself Tom Trinity gave us a serialized description of the escapades of
some sexual epicureans who grew to love one another deeply while they
fucked their mutual brains out. I'll repost my review of the Trinity
Trilogy.
The most novel contribution of this story is the author's treatment of
ethics and free will with regard to mind control as it applies to sexual
ecstasy. Basically, the protagonist COULD use his powers to make the women
his playthings or (perhaps a more friendly goal) use those powers to make
both them and him really happy without letting them know what is happening.
Instead, he uses his powers only after his lovers have requested it and
only to protect them from outside hostility or ill effects that could
threaten them.
In addition to the wonders I have already described, I must say a few
words about the author's style. He employs a series of overlapping
multiple perspectives. That is, he describes events and emotions from one
person's perspective and then the same events from another person's
perspective (or several other perspectives). These different people know
different things or feel different emotions, and the result is a truly
exquisite unfolding of the story.
In the minor error department, the plural of the automobile is
"Lexuses," not Lexi. I suppose if an ancient Roman emperor ever owned a
Lexus, the situation might be different. In addition, Chapter 5 contains a
really rough transition at noon in a small cafe near the park. The
transition was so rough that I thought I had accidentally deleted a major
portion of my text.
Here's a delicious side note: The author uses the term "private areas"
without any sexual connotation at all. Imagine that.
This is a very long story (82,000 words), and I am not going to try to
summarize it any further than I have. Let me just say that I have not at
least regretted spending several hours reading this story. It was a
delight to read.
Ratings for Master PC: The Eclectic's Edition"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"On How to Give Someone an Orgasmic Dream" by Ravensclaw
(ravensclaw@swbell.net). http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26822
Obviously, people of both genders do have orgasmic dreams. The topic
discussed here is how to deliberately CAUSE someone to have a dream of this
type. There are dangers inherent in doing this. Most notably, the dreams
are subject to the rules of dreams, which are unknown and operate
independently of whatever you do to induce the orgasm during your partner's
dream.
This is an interesting and humorous little essay. The only advice that
I can add is that you should not try this in church (because services -- no
matter how soporific -- are rarely long enough to bring us to the state of
REM sleep during which dreams are likely to occur).
Ratings for "On How to Give Someone an Orgasmic Dream"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"World Domination" by artie (artie@netgate.net).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/WD.html
This is a different kind of mind control story. Ray designs some
hypno-balls. When activated, these devices enable their owner to force
persons inhaling the vapors to follow the will of the person who gives them
instructions while they are under the influence of the fumes. Ray plans to
dominate the world with these hypno-balls.
But Murphy's Law kicks in. The balls get activated at the wrong time -
with unusual and often hilarious results. The story isn't much in the way
of stroke material; but as fiction, it's a very good story.
Ratings for "World Domination"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"I, Suzanne -- The Love Machine" by Bev Stephens
(bstephen@highway1.com.au). http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26390
The Love Machine is sort of a cross between a Ginsu Knife and a
Vegematic for the cultivated hedonist. By that, I mean it's a chair that
cost $120,000 to develop and is equipped with appropriate acoutrements to
give the perfect orgasm (either solo or with partners) to the genteel woman
seated therein. It even gives the sensation of being fucked in midair.
Imagine that.
I guess there would be a market for this sort of thing, and this story
could serve as the prototype for the infomercial.
The author plans to make this part of a novel. My advice to her is to
learn to use commas and to make the plot a little less mechanical.
Ratings for "I, Suzanne -- The Love Machine"
Athena (plot & character): 7
Venus (technical quality): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Body Double" by GenericJoe (genericjoe@vnet.net).
http://offthebeatenpath.org/genericjoe/bd/
Theoretically, this is a story about biochemistry and mathematics.
Theoretically, that is.
How's this for a set-up? The woman gives some blood for a science
experiment, during which she expects the blood to be duplicated by a
largely unknown process. But instead of reproducing her blood, the process
creates a new her. That is, she now has two bodies. Here's the kicker:
she has two bodies, but only one mind. Her two selves function to some
extent separately when the bodies are apart, but when they touch in the
proper manner, everything learned since the last link-up is immediately
transferred to both minds.
Even from a non-sexual perspective, the possibilities are enormous. She
can be in two places at once; she can profit from two sets of experience;
and presumably her conscience would operate within both bodies. Of course,
from a sexual perspective, it should be easier to be bisexual, if she is a
literally "bi" person. In addition, she can literally fuck herself.
Indeed, if she went to the seashore, she could literally littorally fuck
herself. Sorry about that. This story has more dignity than can be
reflected in really bad puns.
Fortunately, Alyson, the person to whom all this has happened, is a very
bright college student with a double major in chemistry and biology.
Grammatically, this development creates problems. Is she singular or
plural? Is her reflexive pronoun herselves? Psychologically, if she falls
in love with herself, is she a narcissist, a lesbian, or both?
Economically, will her tuition double?
Her two selves solve the problem of nomenclature immediately. The
original Alyson will henceforth be called Allie. The new clone/twin will
be Lisa. When they are together, they will be Alyson.
The ending of the story is slightly unsatisfactory. I think that's
because it's not really the ending. I think the author just got himself to
a point where he could stop and resume later, when he got some new ideas.
Or maybe the plot just became so complex that he couldn't figure out how to
continue in a way that would make sense. Anyway, we are left with a
feeling that there must be more to come.
I think this author deserves great credit for trying to deal cohesively
with a complex but potentially very sexy subject. My "imperfect" ratings
indicate that in my opinion he didn't quite carry it off. I think part of
the problem is that he got more bogged down in lesbian sexuality than he
probably should have. This side focus probably made it even more
complicated to handle the already complex main plot as effectively as
possible.
Ratings for "Body Double"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Lovin' to Go" by Souvie (A Trudy Tolliver Story) (souvie@netdot.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Write_Club/lovin_to_go.htm
I'm not fully aware of the rules of the "Writing Duels" that take place
on a.s.s.d. {However, these rules are summarized at
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Write_Club/rules.htm . The "Write
Club" site is at http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Write_Club/ .} I think
the idea is that two authors are required to work within a designated time
limit and to use certain words in their stories. The post with the
referee's decision on Souvie's and Father Ignatius' "Write Club" duel can
be found at http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=679282157 .
What this means is that we get to see the fertile minds of some good
authors at work, exercising (or exorcising) their creativity. One of the
authors sent me this story along with the following one and asked me to
review them.
I am guessing that when Souvie takes part in these contests, she often
uses the name "Trudy Tolliver" for her main character. In the present
story, Trudy is an investigative reporter who goes undercover to expose the
activities of a blackmailer associated with an escort service <wink>. The
story is chock full of creative detective work and hip bucking and such.
The story is pretty interesting -- as an exercise in spontaneous
writing; but there are numerous loose ends that really need to be tied
together. For example, Trudy agrees to go to a reunion with Remy, but as
far as I could ascertain, this was only because "reunion" was one of the
words the author was required to use in the story. The actual relevance of
the reunion to the plot lies somewhere between nil and non-existent.
I think you'll enjoy this story a lot more if you are familiar with the
author's work.
Ratings for "Lovin' to Go"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Bang, Bang, You're Dead" by Father Ignatius
(FatherIgnatius@hotmail.com)
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/Rui_Favorites/www/Write_Club/bang_bang_youre_dead.htm
This is the second story in the "Writing Duel" that I mentioned in the
previous review. The narrator begins the story as a teacher in South
Africa who enjoys tormenting one of his priggish female colleagues. He
quits his job and goes to work in the business world. Much to his dismay,
she shows up later, working for the same company. He circulates nasty
rumors about her and then fucks her during a bomb scare.
Again, I think you'll enjoy this story a lot more if you are familiar
with the author's work or are interested in this particular contest. I'm
inclined to like both of these authors, and a sort of "halo effect"
probably makes me want to like these two stories. However, my objective
opinion is that with regard to overall good stories (unrestricted by the
constraints of the contest) both of these authors have done much better
work. I imagine they would agree with that opinion.
Ratings for "Bang, Bang, You're Dead"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Roadside Assistance" by Virago Blue (VBwrites@aol.com).
http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26747
This story has a moral to it. Don't try to remove your bright red lace
pushup bra from under your equally bright red silk blouse while driving
down a highway in Texas with your coffee gripped between your legs and the
windows open or the top down, with your nipples responding to the cool
night air. If you do, you could get a helping hand from a handsome police
officer. On second thought, I had better to rephrase that moral.
The exact physics to explain what happens in this story are somewhat
complex. The legal issue is that in Texas the object between the legs must
be an aluminum can or something of phallic nature.
In the example given in this story, the driver swerves off the road in
distress -- as well as in partial undress. That is, her upper-body
garments have vanished into the darkness of the night. At this point,
Paige is stuck in that dream I always have about driving down the highway
or attending my freshman English class partially naked.
I don't want to ruin the story for you, but Paige gets busted -- both
literally, and figuratively. Her legal problem is that she was driving
topless, in two different senses.
To the author's credit, she refrains from some dismal puns. I mean,
when Deputy James Andersen comes upon a beautiful woman in his headlights,
her arms crossed over her chest, each hand filled with a breast, wouldn't
you as an author be tempted to venture a pun or two. But no, the author
just goes right ahead, and the officer says, "May I see some I.D.?" Imagine
that.
So anyway, even though he really has nothing on her, the deputy asks
Paige to assume the position. See how hard <wink> it is to tell this story
without even an innocent pun now and then?
Also, keep in mind that if this should ever happen to you, it is
possible in the United States to hire an attorney and sue the establishment
that sold you the coffee.
The author has a forgivable aversion to commas in certain places.
However, I took a break from working on chapter 33 of my Celestial Grammar
Book to review this story; and what struck me was the author's correct
usage of so many easily confused words. So if you read this story in
church or in study hall, just focus your attention on words like piqued,
areola, rode, road, farther, and blonde. And while you're at it, just
think of how the author correctly uses words like throes, penal, penile,
discreet, and disingenuous, all of which are covered in chapter 33 of my
forthcoming tome. Unless you do this, you are likely to show telltale
signs of sexual arousal. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ratings for "Roadside Assistance"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Tool" by artie (artie@netgate.net).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/Tool.html
This is not your run-of-the-mill mind control story.
I usually pick on stories that lack plot or character development. This
one lacks both, but it's still an excellent story. It's all in the
atmosphere.
Basically, the Orientals are cumming! Three Chinese vixens have this
befuddled man in their power, and he doesn't know exactly what to make of
it. Psychologically, he experiences severe approach-avoidance conflicts --
but then, don't we all?
For you veterans with a history in this newsgroup, this story reminded
me of a long, well-written story by deidre -- with Chinese nymphs in heat
instead of co-eds in dungeons. It was really an excellent story.
Ratings for "Tool"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================== Guest Reviews: ====================
"The Wonders of Hypnosis" by Jennifer Doalfer. Guest review by Father
Ignatius. http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/doalfer/www/TheWondersOfHypnosis%20v2.htm
I read somewhere that a hypnotist can't make a patient do anything that
they truly don't want to do. I am most pleased to report the inference
that the suggestible narrator of this story is not truly opposed to an
interesting variety of ideas. Celeste's request to review introduced me to
an author I hadn't read before and I enjoyed our first outing together.
The author asks us, before reading this story, to read her earlier
stories, preferably in order. So I visited "The Dreams of Jennifer
Doalfer" (http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/doalfer/www/) and read some of them. I did not
discover any compelling reason for this pre-reading. The stories are fun,
though, have a strong exhibitionism flavour and are well worth reading.
Liberally supplied with author's notes, they are what you get when you add
characterisation and a bit of plot to well-written strokers.
Jennifer is an ESL writer (she's Danish) and does very well indeed in
English. I am pleased to report that she revises and corrects her stories
after proof-reading. I found quite a number of proofreading errors,
particularly in the earlier stories; some were distracting: "Leaning on
Torro's lab I felt Dave sliding into me..."; "we dressed and waived
goodbye"; "tied behind my neck and lover back". Only a little editing is
required. For example, I found some excessively long paragraphs and a few
clumsy constructions--nothing too serious.
I also visited Jennifer's publishing diary, FAQ and a pretty memorable
set of photographs from a fan. These reminded me that I don't like reading
authors' notes or clicking on broken links but also taught me something of
Jennifer and her husband, Poul (who doesn't know she writes these stories).
They get on notably well together and have views on exhibitionism,
voyeurism and sex with third parties when and when not with each other.
She has views on nipple-placement, enjoys shopping for new dresses and is
alive to the various possibilities this activity offers. She also seems
pretty much up-to-speed on how men like to look at women's breasts. Her
stories are set in Europe, mostly around Copenhagen.
It seems to me that, as we switch increasingly from ftp and plain text
to formatted stories on the web, reviewers should mention web design.
Jennifer's site is a workmanlike, no-frills web site unfortunately
featuring the "endless line" problem. Of general interest is that Lisala
advises getting around this common problem by putting the page contents
into a single-cell table of width 590 pixels. This value, Lisala says, is
a pragmatic compromise amongst the variety screen types, sizes and
resolutions out there. The site has a few broken links; I e-mailed Jenny
about them so maybe they're fixed by the time you read this.
And so on to the story under review, "The Wonders of Hypnosis". The
author requests us to read her comments first. It is not clear to me why
she does this but doing so reveals that the story is inspired by an
interesting picture (http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/doalfer/www/poolgirls.jpg). It
kicks off with Jenny visiting a very Egyptian apartment in Copenhagen to
consult a hypnotist. She has tried unsuccessfully to give up smoking and
hopes hypnotism can help. She is sceptical but it seems that hypnotism can
help, provided that she remains receptive.
The catch, we learn, is that we have the same total pool of desires--to
smoke, to sleep, to eat, whatever. The way forward is to change the
balance away from the desire to smoke in favour of one of the other
desires. The desire to have sex, for example (would you believe?). The
hypnotist first invites Jenny to think back to the best sex she has ever
had. She reports that she did this but, disappointingly, doesn't share.
Having read some of her other stories, I wish she had. The patient's next
step is to imagine the fulfilment of some unfulfilled desire. We get
slightly more detail on this but not enough for me, particularly as it's a
key point in the story's motivation. The next time the patient feels the
need of the cigarette, she is to attempt to feel the pleasures of her
sexual fantasy and feel that, if she smokes, she will never again be able
to feel those feelings.
I will stop giving away the story with the parting shot that the
therapist emphasises a clinical need for "a lot of strong sexual activity"
in the initial weeks of treatment. And poor Jenny hasn't had a steady
boyfriend for some time. Her steady boyfriend problems get worse before
they get better and they do it with the trademark Doalfer exhibitionist
flavour. I was rushed into suspending rather a lot of complicated
disbelief but made the effort and was rewarded by some nice twists and the
revelation that all men are bastards. Who would have thought?
This is a good story based on a good idea. Recommended.
Ratings for "The Wonders of Hypnosis"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Nat (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Utopia" by Dandy Don (posted by Phil Phantom). Guest review by Dave
Myers. http://assm.asstr-mirror.org/Year2000/26405
I could start off by telling you that stories of secret societies and
religious cults which engage in sexual enslavement of women are really hard
to pull off. Or I could tell you that a story with Mormons as sex hounds
is a Very Hard Thing to believe. Or I could tell you that impregnation
plotlines which revolve around something other than pure filth are a waste
of time because hardly anyone can intellectualize that kind of material
while ALSO being turned on. But I'm sorry folks, I can't tell you any of
that in this case, because this story nullifies any such arguments. Dandy
Don has succeeded in answering all the hard questions of how to approach
such a tough storyline.
Utopia refers to the world that the Mormon sect described in this story
is trying to create. The premise is simple: the leaders of the churches
are all sex hounds and they like to go around spreading seed as much as
they can. The better to populate the world with more Mormons (of course,
silly, why else!). After a lengthy and well-prepared introduction to the
utopia that he has in mind, the author spends the bulk of the text wrapped
up in the indoctrination and bringing-over-to-the-dark-side of a particular
wife in the congregation. This is the only logical way to approach the
scenario envisioned in the story, and Dandy Don is up to the job.
There probably could have been a little more tension thrown in with the
conversion-of-a-slut process, and a little more drawing out of the
consequences of this little "what-if" premise, but we get down to nuts and
bolts after a while and the gears of the story really start to whir. We
can forgive the fact that there is a bit too much talk about exactly how
the whole thing fits with the grand plan of the Church and how great it is
to be making babies (lots of 'em!). The fewer attempts at rationalization
of the already-in-full-swing plot, the better. My personal thoughts are
that once an author has well established credibility and suspension of
disbelief early on, it sometimes hurts to go back later and hammer away too
hard on points that the reader has already "bought". Fortunately, this
doesn't happen *too* much here.
Predictably, the story gets good and nasty before the dream is fully
realized, and if there is any real structural criticism I could even
attempt here, it might be that the final 20% or so of the text lapses into
a more lazy (and more typical) style that could have been imitated by a
dozen other authors of the incest/impregnation/cultsex circuit out there.
Tacked on to the initial creation of "Utopia" is sequence in which the
characters say things like (in effect), "Hey wouldn't it be even *better*
in our fantasyland if we also made sure that ___ (fill in the blank)?" This
stab at rounding of the edges of The Dream could have been realized a bit
more through _action_, rather than a core-dump of mediocre dialogue.
Still, this is minor. High marks for a story which navigates a tough path
and delivers splendidly.
{No rating. This reviewer does not like to give numerical ratings to
stories. He thinks you should read his review and base your judgments on
that.}
"Spiders" by artie (weird, best?). Guest review by Emily.
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/artie/www/Spiders.html
This sex story does not contain any sex. I thought I'd just mention
that up top, in case you're busy and don't care to read the first effort of
virgin guest reviewer. Of course, I did wonder what Celeste would send me
... perhaps an ultra hardcore bestiality snuff story to tax my stomach, or
a gentle romantic nose rubbing and stolen kiss story to let me in slowly.
So I feel a bit of a fool. Here I am, all excited, fresh batteries and
everything, and then oh -- a sex story with no sex in. Well perhaps it's
in the subtext, let's just go back -- nope, no sex here. Just a story
about a man's intimacy with the bits of software that Search Engines send
out to read and catalogue web pages -- "spiders". Now I know that because
I'm a sad geek girl with my own website. If I weren't burdened by such
dull knowledge I'd have struggled to know what this was all about. Except,
of course, it's obvious. This isn't a story; this is a declaration of
brains. Here is a guy who is so jolly clever he can use terms like Shannon
indices (I looked it up, you don't want to know), dangling tags and
contextual analysis, and still comfortable with himself. Presumably while
still walking and chewing gum at the same time. Guys, when will you learn;
brains are not sexy, brains are vain. (Hint: sex is sexy. Also plot,
characterisation and wit are a boon.)
Emily's Verdict Horniness 0 Writing 2
==================== Reposted Reviews: ====================
Note: I reviewed "The Trinity Trilogy" twice, once when the first long
segment appeared in July of 1996, and then later in October of that year,
when the entire reposting had taken place. I am reposting both of my
reviews.
* "The Trinity Trilogy Novel 1/14" by Tom Trinity (shelbyb@iglou.com).
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/BitBard/www/forray/trinity/
This is the first of fourteen segments of Trinity Trilogy Series. The
author wishes to remain anonymous and private; the address is that of the
editor, Shelby Bush, who has posted the stories in the past and who remains
in contact with the author; and so mail sent to that address will reach the
author. Shelby will wait until I post a review and then immediately post
another one of the fourteen segments. It is my understanding that all 99
stories are also archived at the Backdrop, and I'll try to give you more
particulars in a subsequent issue of CR.
The stories remind me of Mark Aster's "My Friends the Allens" series.
Both sets of stories are extremely well written. In addition both are much
like a weekly TV sitcom to the extent that each episode stands alone, but
there is an element of continuity that runs through the entire series. I
suppose we could call them sitcums. They differ from what I'll call
serialized stories, which try to focus on a single plot across several
chapters contained in successive postings. Finally, both sets of stories
are clever and well-rounded. By that I mean that the stories are about
people with realistic personalities and contain insights and events that go
beyond direct genital contact.
In the first story we learn that Tom, Judy, and Candy are three people
who enjoy going to science fiction conventions together. They have been
together often without expressing sexual interest in one another --
although the ladies seem to have trouble talking about topics other than
sex. Returning to Tom's apartment one night, they watch the movie "Deep
Throat" together, and Judy and Tom gather later that night for some really
pleasant sex. The seed has been planted for many happy episodes.
In "The Devil in Miss Candy" Tom, Judy, and Candy gather at Tom's
apartment to watch "The Devil and Miss Jones." This is an interesting
coincidence, because the first two porn movies I myself ever saw were the
two this trio shared: "Deep Throat" and "The Devil and Miss Jones." I
recall asking my husband the same question that one of the girls asked
about "Deep Throat": "If her clit's in her throat, how come she keeps
rubbing her pussy?" I suppose maybe the coincidence in choice of movies
isn't all that remarkable; maybe there weren't many porn movies fifteen or
so years ago. We saw the movies as a double feature when my husband was
accompanying me to a convention in New York. {Teachers can only engage in
public depravity when we're someplace where our students or their parents
are not likely to see us.} What I remember most about that evening is my
husband returning to his seat and telling me that he would never again go
to the bathroom in a porn theater. It seems that dirty old men are really
preoccupied with their dirty old things in those establishments. My
husband's decision was fine with me, because I had become more than a
little anxious in his absence. I recalled being told in a health class
that one cannot catch venereal diseases except by direct contact. After
that visit I believed what that teacher had said; if it were possible to
catch VD by breathing the air, I would have developed several varieties
from that trip to the theater. Were it not for the rise of the video
rental store, I might never have seen another porn flick.
Anyway, after our three friends watch "Miss Jones," Candy announces that
it is about time she loses her virginity, and Tom has been elected to do
the honors. Judy serves as a sort of choreographer or mistress of
ceremonies, making sure that Candy gets her money's worth from this first
experience. It's a very erotic sequence.
The relationship among the three friends develops rapidly. Pretty soon
Tom has to guess each evening which of the two girls would come by the
apartment to spend the night; there did not seem to be a pattern, and it
was often a tossup. The descriptions of sexual activity are consistently
hot. I don't know how an author can keep this up for 13 more segments.
In addition to the other nice things I've said about this series, I
should mention one more strength: the people are normal -- they are
ordinary people doing extraordinary things. In this story, for example, we
learn that Candy is overweight but sexy. Imagine that. Which reminds
me...
Three women died and went to the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter
interviewed them. He asked the first woman for her name. She replied that
it was Penny. St. Peter checked his list, found her name, and said, "It
is proper that you have that name. You were greedy and avaricious during
your life. You are condemned to hell. Be gone, evil woman." He asked the
next woman her name, and she replied that it was Sherry. He checked the
book and said, "Tis well that you are named Sherry, for wine and liquor
were your undoing. Go to eternal damnation, you lousy drunk." He turned to
the third woman, who was already walking away. "Where do you think you're
going?" asked St. Peter. "I can take a hint," she replied. "My name is
Fanny." {End of digression. Back to The Trinity Trilogy.}
As much as I have begun to enjoy this set of stories, I have no interest
in living my personal life the way the Trinity characters do. I have a
personal religious and philosophical orientation that leads me to expect
that sexual fulfillment is more likely to occur in the context of a
dedicated, monogamous relationship than in the relatively hedonistic, open
relationship described in this story. I say this not as part of a moral
lecture. I may be entirely wrong; but so far my approach is working pretty
well for me and my husband. I think stories like this describe an
idealized hedonistic relationship and ignore the problems (e.g., jealousy,
insecurity, rivalries, incomplete commitments, etc.) that are likely to
disrupt non-monogamous relationships. I'm not trying to talk anyone out of
their happy pluralistic relationships; and I am also aware that I probably
idealize my own relationship with my husband. My point is that even as a
person with an entirely different perspective on ideal sexual
relationships, I find this kind of story to be refreshing and enjoyable.
Not only can I enjoy a good story, but I can also expand my horizons by
understanding a different viewpoint a little better.
Having said what I said in the previous paragraph, let me now say the
opposite. I watch "Days of Our Lives." I record it each day while I'm
teaching and watch it every night before I go to bed -- unless something
disrupts my orderly life. I discuss DOOL each day with some of my friends
in the teachers' lounge. This may sound complicated, but Bo had been in
love with Hope, who died. Then Bo fell in love with Billie. But Hope
hadn't died after all. So Bo had to decide between Billie and Hope.
{Actually, it's even more complicated, because Hope lost her memory and got
kidnapped by Jude Sinclair, and Billie really liked Hope.} Bo chose Hope,
because she was the mother of his child; and so Billie got dumped, but I
hear she's coming back. I shocked all my colleagues one day when I simply
stated, "What's the problem? He should keep them both." In the unlikely
event that my husband thinks I am dead and falls deeply in love with or
even marries another woman and then I return, I'll simply slip him a copy
of the Trinity Trilogy and tell him, "It's OK. Keep us both. I can learn
to like her."
The term Trilogy refers to the fact that the stories were originally
posted in twelve sets of three. Shelby is reposting them in fourteen
segments, the first one containing six stories. I cannot possibly review
each individual story and still have time do justice to the many other
stories I'd like to review. So what I intend to do is read and enjoy each
segment and then write about some of the major ideas in each of my reviews.
I hope you enjoy both my reviews and these excellent stories.
Ratings for "Trinity Trilogy Novel 1/14"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Trinity Trilogy Novel 14/14" by Tom Trinity (stbush@iglou.com).
As we near the end of the Trinity Trilogy Odyssey, I am willing to
accept the editor's assertion that it is true that a group of three woman
and one man could share each other's affections with one another and with
outsiders and joyfully fuck their mutual brains out without any
difficulties arising from possessiveness or jealousy. I am also willing to
accept the notion that the daughter of this unorthodox but happy
relationship would be sound asleep or fortuitously absent often enough for
these good times to take place without causing unseemly scandal to her.
Where I encountered problems was with the following conversation between
Tom and Jennifer:
"Daddy, may I ask you something?"
"Of course, Sugar."
"Is there REALLY a Santa Claus?"
I glanced over at her and smiled. I recalled some of the elaborate
ploys we had used in the past. Among the four of us, we had generally
reinforced Jennifer's belief in Santa.
"Sugar, of course Santa's real."
"But the kids at school..."
"Never mind the kids at school. You've read the stories, what do you
think?"
She frowned in thought, then her eyes sparkled. "I think that it's
magic. If you believe in magic, it works. If you don't, it doesn't work."
"I think you've got it exactly right, Sugar. If you believe in Santa,
he's real. Those kids who don't believe -- their parents have to buy all
their Christmas gifts."
"Does Santa buy Christmas gifts?"
"Sometimes. If the elves can't make them. There are copyright
problems, sometimes."
She laughed. She turned the volume back up on the tape player, and sang
along with Karen Carpenter.
"Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near..."
* * *
I know what you're thinking -- What kind of parent would let his child
listen to Karen Carpenter in 1994? But that's not my problem. Unless I
have miscounted, Jennifer is 13 years old -- and she still believes in
Santa Claus? I don't think even the direct and legitimate offspring of Mr.
and Mrs. Claus themselves believe in Santa at that age! Since this is a
sex story, not a Christmas story, I'll let it slide. But that bit of
unreality just before the First Orgy in Pittsburgh certainly disrupted my
ambiance.
Speaking of Pittsburgh -- if you ever get to that city, go up the
incline across from the stadium at the confluence of the Three Rivers.
There are some great restaurants up there; and if you look around you might
find a nice hotel with a balcony on which my husband and I discovered that
Pittsburgh's reputation as an over-industrialized, unromantic place is just
plain inaccurate.
This first half of this final segment is heavy on sentiment -- Christmas
with the Trilogy and things like that. For one interesting Christmas
present Tom receives issues of Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler with the
girls dubbed in as centerfolds. I have a truth-is-better-than-fiction
story related to that present. A few weeks ago our volleyball team
gathered at a pizza place after our game. One of the other ladies somehow
managed to get the conversation around to Bruce Willis, and I commented
that he "wasn't my type of guy." She quickly reached into her purse, pulled
out a color photograph, flung it on the table in front of us, and snarled,
"Then how do you explain this?" There I was, stark naked, doing the wild
thing with Bruce Willis! I assure you that Bruce and I have never met. My
friend is a computer graphics genius. She had simply obtained a picture of
me, a picture of Willis from People or some such magazine, and a picture of
a couple making the sign of the eight-legged aardvark from a porn magazine.
Then she scanned all three, combined them, and touched them up. After
seeing that picture, I no longer understand how photographs can be accepted
as evidence in courts of law! I was lucky. I had been scheduled to have
Dennis Rodman for my partner, but his body art was "too much trouble" to
work with. One of my teammates was "photographed" doing it with Jenny
McCarthy.
The final half of this segment goes into interesting but largely
non-sexy details that attempt to bring closure to the story. However, the
story doesn't really end. I get the impression that there may be more yet
to come.
A summative comment on the entire series seems to be in order. The
outstanding characteristic of this series is that the stories are
optimistic about life and about sexual activities. The people in this
series have fun, and nobody gets hurt by their sexual adventures. The
author and editor are a bit preoccupied with asserting that these stories
are authentic -- that these events really happened to real people. I
really don't care. The stories come across to me as optimistically
realistic, and I like that.
I have a value system that tells me I should lead my life a little
differently than these people do. I get the feeling that these people
would tell me that's fine with them: they would go to sci-fi conventions
and fuck their brains out, and I could sit at my computer and read about
their escapades and review their stories and we could all be friends. It
was a pleasure to read and review this high-quality series of stories.
Ratings for "Trinity Trilogy Novel 14/14"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
==================== CELESTIAL GRAMMAR: ====================
FEWER/LESS and other number/quantity words
FEWER and LESS are NOT interchangeable. The confusion arises largely
because both words are the "opposite" of MORE.
FEWER is the comparative of FEW. Use it in reference to a smaller
NUMBER of individual persons or things.
LESS can be considered a comparative form of A LITTLE. Use it in
reference to a smaller quantity of something measure in bulk rather than as
a collection of individual items.
The most common mistake is to use LESS in place of FEWER
I had LESS lovers in high school than most girls my age.
{From a grammatical standpoint, this is wrong -- although
some people might commend this abstemious proclivity
from a moral viewpoint.}
This discussion is really a subset of the discussion of NUMBER vs.
AMOUNT. I will try to limit the NUMBER of words I expend on this topic, so
as not to use up too great an AMOUNT of space.
In the second sentence in the preceding paragraph, it would have been
improper to write "the AMOUNT of words" because words are discrete entities
that can be counted, or NUMBERed.
Here is a handy chart to distinguish the two categories of words:
AMOUNT/NUMBER
Quantity/number
Little/few
Less/fewer
Much/many
More/more
You can eat FEWER cookies, but you drink LESS milk.
If you eat too MANY cookies, people would probably think
you've had too MUCH dessert.
If the thing being measured is being considered in countable units, then
use NUMBER words. If you're describing a continuous (non-countable)
quantity or a part of a total bulk, then use AMOUNT words.
Sometimes a substance that is usually considered in bulk can also be
measured by number of units. For instance, you shouldn't drink too MUCH
wine, but you should also avoid drinking too MANY glasses of wine. In this
case, we are COUNTING GLASSES. Glasses can be numbered.
A very common mistake of this kind is to refer to an "AMOUNT" of people
instead of a "NUMBER" of people.
Just to confuse things, MORE can be used either way: you can eat MORE
cookies and drink MORE milk.
Here are some examples:
I have had sex with FEWER than ten people this year.
I usually have FEWER than three orgasms in any single
session of lovemaking.
His cock was LESS than six inches long, until I began licking
it and caressing it gently with my lips, while I worked
one hand along the inside of his thigh and gradually
inserted one finger of my other hand deep into the
crack of his ass.
He offered me LESS than $100 to have sex with him.
<end>
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