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From: Brett Lynn <iluminati99@netzero.net>
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Subject: {ASSM} Marilyn at the Movies (tg/f, exh, oral, anal)
Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 23:10:04 -0400
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X-Moderator-ID: apuleius, RuiJorge
So, after about a bit of a hiatus, the shemale that you love is back.
Well, at least I love her. After all she is an alter ego for me. Now
if I could parlay that into some cash, I'd be good to go. Anyway, it's
good to be back in the saddle, especially the way college has been
getting to me. This story, and the next few I plan on writing, will be
stroke stories, meant for some happy action fun time with yourself. ? I
might do another series, but it depends on buzz for the next few
stories. So, if you like them, WRITE ME! Comments are my only
motivation for this right now, so please show your love by writing me at
iluminati99@netzero.net. Also, coming soon, check out my website at
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/BrettLynn/www. It'll have all my stories archives.
That being said, I must show you the disclaimers before some mother in
Iowa writes me about corrupting her precious innocent child...
This work of fiction is for the non-commercial use of its readers.
Permission to copy and distribute through electronic media for
non-commercial purposes is granted. All commercial and non-electronic
rights are reserved by me, the author. Please do not read this story if
you are offended by adult material, reading this material is illegal in
your legal jurisdiction or, if in the United States, under the age of
18. It ain't like this disclaimer is going to stop the determined, but
I gotta try.
MARILYN AT THE MOVIES
By Brett Lynn
"Man, am I glad to get off that bus! It's apparent that bus driver
confused the concepts of cold and fucking antarctic! Plus, now I'm
nipped out too."
Marilyn stepped off the bus into the quiet, cool Queens afternoon. She
was on her way to see a movie. Any movie. Just anything to escape
civilization for a couple of hours. She had a tendency to do that
whenever she had a bad week. This one sure qualified as one. First,
she had a whole pile of tests thrown onto her at once. Plus, she had to
write a 6 page paper for her least favorite subject, English, on some
Shakespeare play. And, of course, it seemed that as fall descended, the
sex drives of the fine men of the Bronx seemed to rise. It seemed as if
someone had slipped something into the water or something. So, with Kat
busy with a school project, she decided to head into her native borough
to relax for a bit and return to the Bronx with her batteries
recharged. As she was thinking this, she nearly walked right into the
glass at the box office.
"What movie is starting the soonest?"
"Um, well, we have `Autumn in New York' starting at 1:40..."
"One ticket please?"
"That'll be $8.25 ma'am."
Fishing a $10 bill out of her pocket, she slipped the money through the
opening in the box office. "Here you go."
"OK, your change will be $1.75. Here's your ticket and enjoy the show!"
"Yeah, yeah," Marilyn thought to herself. "I just need to relax.
Forget this fake friendly crap." Her dress belied her attitude.
Underneath her thin Tommy Hilfiger jacket, she wore a ratty little
t-shirt with enough of the bottom cut off to show off her belly. She
dug up some track pants, wore some green lace panties she just happened
to find clean this morning, and finished it off with some old basketball
shoes. As she handed off her ticket to the ticket taker, she barely
paid enough attention to him to figure out where the theater where the
movie she was supposed to see is playing.
She quickly bounded up the stairs, then half ran into the small movie
theater, as if the doors could somehow keep me safe. She decided to
take a seat in a back row, the better to stretch her legs. "Ah, the
sweet joys of American escapism. What would I do without them!" she
sighed to no one particular. "Oh shit, there's some time before the
movie. Let me get a soda right quick..."
Marilyn returned to her seat just after the previews started rolling.
She put her large soda down on the floor, shucked off her jacket, then
plopped down in the padded seat. She reclined slightly, then picked up
her soda and placed in against her partially exposed belly. "Mmm, that
feels good," she thought to herself. "If this wasn't in public, I'd be
tempted to whip it out right now and stroke myself off." Then she took
a glance around the movie theater. Save for a few girls her age, a
middle-age couple and an older couple, the theater was vacant. "What
would I do for a place to think without Hollywood churning worthless
crap? Got to a library?" she thought. Then, she chuckled out loud,
nearly spraying the soda she was sipping on.
As expected, the movie was crap. However, it gave Marilyn a chance to
clear her head. After all, when you had a week like she had, you just
need to just let your mind free associate for a bit, take it out for a
jog if you will. So, Marilyn stared blankly at the glowing screen,
sipping on her soda, idly scratching and squeezing on her braless
breasts. After not too long, her soda was finished, and her eyelids
were getting heavier and heavier. "If I didn't have to pee, I'd be able
to get a nice long nap out of this movie," she thought to herself. Her
legs stiff from sitting, she stretched her long, built body up, then
stepped out of the movie theater towards the bathroom.
The women's room was fairly quiet when Marilyn stepped in there. It
seemed too large for it's own good, especially considering the
`prodigious' crowds that filtered through the movie theater this time of
day. However, along the long wall of sinks, she did notice someone
interesting. First off was the woman's hair, dyed a bronze hue,
shoulder length, and despite a bit of a curl towards the bottom, in need
of a fresh perm. However, the face that she spotted in the mirror
seemed permanently fresh. A cross between the cute chubbiness of a baby
and the subtle intensity of sensuality, the woman's caramel-hued face
was staring intently into the mirror, placing mascara on her eyelashes.
Now situated directly behind the woman, Marilyn looked at the rest of
her body. The stranger's body appeared the epitome of `ghetto
fabulous', with her thick body, huge round butt and large, slightly
sagging breasts encased in a simple black tube dress that barely covered
her big, soft thighs as she bent over the sink.
"Not bad, not at all," Marilyn though to herself as she tried to slip in
backwards into a stall, trying to keep a glimpse of that body as long as
possible. When she slipped down her pants, she noticed that she has
developed a bit of a hard-on. "Cute. Now I'm gonna have to angle
myself as I sit down not to get my tip in the water," she thought to
herself, carefully not to say anything out loud to give her away. She
then took care not to think any more of the beautiful woman outside of
her stall as she relieved herself, not wanting to have to entangled her
manhood from the toilet. Finished, she tucked herself back up between
her legs, pulled up her pants and panties, then opened the door to her
stall. She caught herself staring at the beautiful stranger in front of
her, watching her as she put her wine red lipstick on her soft lips.
"Like something you see?"
"What?!"
"I saw you staring at me ever since you came in here," the stranger said
as she looked at Marilyn through the mirror. She then turned her head
around to look behind her and said, "I'm kinda flattered."
"I'm saying though, um, well, I just thought you were..."
"Fine? Sexy? If you were a man, you fuck me this second? What
difference do the words make? I know you want me," the stranger
responded as she turned to face Marilyn and stood up. Marilyn took this
time to check out the whole package, from her cute face and cherubic
lips, to her huge tits, to her slight belly that looked so cute on her,
to the thick thighs all the way down to her 3 inch platform heels. She
felt the stranger eye her from top to bottom and said, "you ain't half
bad yourself. I wish I had a body like yours. Then again, I have had
bodies like yours in that special way."
"S-so I take it you like women?"
"And men. What difference does it make?"
"M-my name is M-marilyn? What's yours?"
"Just call me...Love, and we'll leave it at that. Besides, I like looking
at you better than that damn movie I was watching."
At that, Love reached up, looked into Marilyn's eyes and lightly
squeezed at Marilyn's breasts. She repeated the squeezing motion again,
this time lightly pulling on Marilyn's nipples through her shirt. Her
hands kept slowly moving as they cupped and massaged her breasts, then
moved her hands down to caress her soft belly. When her hands brushed
against the ebony midriff, Love gave the stomach a playful squeeze,
looked up at Marilyn with big eyes, smiled innocently and said "mmm...this
looks yummy!" Her lips moved down to where her hands were and gave
Marilyn's stomach a few light pecks. She then sucked on the exposed
belly button, kissing it and flicking at it with her tongue.
"O-ooh, that feels good," Marilyn managed to gave out between shivers of
pleasure.
"You like that, huh?"
"Yes, very much."
"I might do some more of that later. Meanwhile, I have something else
to attend to," Love remarked with a wink and a mischevious smile.
She then reached between Marilyn's legs to grope at her crotch. As she
ran her hand back and forth against the smooth crotch, her eyes bulged
out in surprise. "Hmm...looks like I'll get to find out whether the `If
you were a man' situation really is true." She reached her hands inside
Marilyn's waistband and pulled her pants down to midway up her thighs.
She then pulled aside the green lace panties, letting Marilyn's dick pop
out and hang slightly outward and down.
"It looks like someone's getting excited."
"Yeah," Marilyn nervously chuckled, "y-you could say that."
"Well I got something more exciting for you...."
With that, Love pulled the dick out until it was parallel to the floor,
then bent over and gave the tip. She then slobbered Marilyn's tip a bit
and licked all around the head to the little ridge at the base of the
tip. Her lips caressed the sensitive skin as she dragged her lips from
the tip down to the shaft, her tongue flicking out as she did this. Her
free hand was stroking the piece of dark meat in her hands, part out of
admiration, part out of lust, part out of caring as one would a pet.
She nuzzled her nose against it, then started kissing wetly against the
dick in her hands. She felt it twitch and harden as she continued her
attentions, and felt its owner shuddering, felt her hands in her hair
stroking it, heard her moaning. By the time she reached the base, she
stopped, blew all over the wet skin on the shaft, then starting kissing
and sucking the skin on the balls.
"Oh yes...please, don't stop..."
Love gave Marilyn a series of short, soft butterfly kisses on her
balls. She gave them with the patience and caring one only gets with a
connection between human beings. She used her mouth to show how much
she liked doing this, covering the balls in front of her with kisses.
Just as she was about to bring her lips back up to the cock, she a
shudder from her partner and felt a hard tug on her hair.
"Are you OK?" Love asked.
"Uh..uh...yeah...just need to catch my breath. My knees just went jelly
there. Damn, you're incredible!"
"Thank you," Love replied with a smile.
"C-can I lean against the sink? So I don't slip and fall and hurt both
of us?"
"Sure. Just let me do a few other things first."
Love walked over to the end of the bathroom by the door. She quickly
placed the wet floor sign outside the door, then took the time to lock
the door from the outside and propped the garbage can up against the
door.
"There we go. We should have plenty of private time now," Love said
with that infectious, almost innocent smile of hers. "Now lean up
against that sink miss," she said with a mock harshness, "we have some
business to finish."
Marilyn waddled over to the bank of sinks and leaned against the
counter, bracing herself with her hands. Love kneeled on the floor,
grabbed the half-hard cock with her hand, brought the tip to her mouth
and sucked on it hard, flicking her tongue all around it. As it started
to harden to completeness, she took more into her mouth, working her
tongue all around the thick shaft she was struggling to fit into your
mouth.
"Wow, you're a *big* girl down there, if you know what I mean," Love
remarked as she took the dick out of her mouth.
"Yeah, I know."
"Well, I think I can handle you though. Don't worry. You won't hurt
me, and everything will be OK, alright?" Love posed with a smile and a
gentle giggle.
"OK. Just lemme know if I'm hurting you."
Love then quickly took 4 inches of cock back into her mouth, slobbering
and moaning contentedly. She took the time to work her tongue around
the huge dick and change the pressure she was sucking at as she worked
her mouth up and down.
"Yeah...that feels so g-good...please don't stop...don't hurt me like that,"
said Marilyn, nearly brought to tears by the sensations she felt. She
leaned heavily against the counter as she laid her head back, closed her
eyes, and tried to cope with the sensations shooting from her cock. She
reached under her shirt and started to paw at her breasts as she felt
that warm, wet, tight mouth bring her to a full erection and slip
another two inches inside, caressing every inch with care. She felt
hands stroking the rest of her cock outside of the mouth, and she opened
her eyes and looked down to see Love working her mouth with lust-filled
eyes and a smiling mouth. Marilyn stroked her hair in loving
appreciation with one hand as she felt the strokes on her cock get
longer and longer and deeper and deeper. When she felt a pair of hands
grab onto the base of her cock as another two inches were sunk down
Love's throat, her hands went limp, not thinking that someone could make
her feel this good. Too lost in her sensations to cum, she reached up
her hands and brushed them by a pair of huge tits attached to the woman
sucking her off. While one hand continue up to grab and maul at her own
breast, the other lingered down there, reached in the tube dress and
started rubbing on a breasts, feeling the hard nipple and bumpy areola.
Just then, her hand went limp as she felt one very powerful suck that
would have made her cum if she didn't lose herself in the feeling in the
first place.
Love then grabbed on tight to the three inches of the massive member not
exposed, then slipped the rest out of her throat. She took a deep
breath, now being able to breathe clearly without a dick in her mouth,
and said coquettishly, "so, you wanna play some more, huh?"
"Yeah, I think I'd like that."
"Why don't we switch places? I'd like to just lay back and have my
nipples bit and my pussy eaten. Besides, if you do a good job, I have
some fun for us," she said breathlessly with a wink and an incandescent
smile.
Marilyn practically jumped off the counter and made room for her new
friend, who immediately jumped up and sat on the counter. She then
turned and faced her to hug her tight and kiss her hard, their tongues
dueling in each other's mouth. She grinded her chest against her
friends, then disengaged so that her hands could fully explore the large
mammaries in front of her. As she roughly mauled them through the
dress, she felt Love press her chest against her hands, her tits oozing
out between the fingers. Marilyn then grabbed the part of the dress
over her breasts and pulled it down to her waist, exposing what she was
checking out before. The boobs were very large, as expected, with a
slight sag to them, topped with milk chocolate areola, bumpy all around,
and erect half-inch nipples.
"Mmm...looks like someone stuck chocolate kisses on your chest," Marilyn
said to her new lover.
"Well, chocolate kisses just begged to be sucked and bit, right?"
"Yeah"
"Well suck on them for me, baby," she said with a smile. "Bite my
nipples."
Marilyn then took Love's left breast in her hand and tentatively kissed
at a nipple. She then kept kissing it with more and more passion until
she was sucking on it hard, trying to pull it away from her breasts and
lifting the breast up in the process. She then took the nipple between
her teeth and lightly gnawed on it while her tongue was allowed to trace
the rough terrain of her areola. She took her right hand from the left
breast and used the fingernails on that hand to pinch at the other
nipple.
"Mmm...yeah...that feels so good," Love moaned out to no one as she grabbed
Marilyn's head tightly, weaving her hair through her long wavy hair and
squeezing as hard as possible. "Oh, yeah, move your hands all over
me...work me baby..."
Suddenly, Marilyn had an idea pop into her head, and she pushed her head
against Love's hand in order to get her to release it.
"Wanna play a game?"
"But aren't we playing one now?"
"Well, you'll like this one," Marilyn said with a confident wink. She
dropped to her knees, grabbed one of Love's legs at the knees and
stretched it all the way out from her body. She then slobbered her lips
against the skin under the knee, looked up at Love and said "Are..."
She moved her lips to Love's calf, pressing her skin against the
resilient muscle and the sweet skin. "You..."
Finally, she tried to suck the skin off Love's ankles, flicking her
tongue fast against the skin. "Ready?"
"Fuck yeah...I wanna see what else you have to tease me with!" Love
replied with a smile.
Marilyn slipped the high-heeled sandal off of her lover's foot, allowing
her access to the small, cute feet, capped with tiny toes painted in
polish the same color as her lipstick.
"OK, here's the game," Marilyn said softly. "We're gonna play a game of
`This little piggy' with a slight twist. Got me?"
"Yeah"
Moving so that her mouth was by the big toe, she looked up at Love's
soft face and said softly "this little piggy went to market..." After she
said that, she took the toe between her lips, swirled her tongue all
around it, then sucked it into her mouth. She felt Love shudder all the
way through her toes as she pumped her lips up and down the toe a few
times, then pulled it out. "Are you ready for the next one?"
"Oh, yes, baby," she replied as she reached up to palm her breasts. "I
can wait until the last part," she said with a lustful smile.
"Ooh, you'll see," Marilyn replied with a wink. "You'll see. Now this
little piggy went home..." She finished that line in a similar way she
finished the first one, with a nice long suck of the next-biggest toe.
She did this two more times, each time driving Love crazy, bucking her
hips up off the counter and pulling her nipples hard. Panting, she
looked down at Marilyn as said, "Mmmm...yeah baby...now how are you going to
get the last piggy..." She then pulled up the hem of her skirt, exposing
her g-string, pawed at her pussy at then said "...home?"
Marilyn arrogantly smiled, then said "...and this little piggy went wee..."
She followed that up with a quick suck of Love's little toe.
"...wee..."
She then sucked and licked at the skin on the side of the foot, running
her tongue down a bit to the bottom.
"...wee..."
She then took the thick ankle, grabbed onto it with her hands, sucking
and licking at the soft skin attached to the hard bone.
"...wee..."
She then moved around to between Love's legs and licked all over the
soft calf.
"...all the way home!"
She then attached the legs with avengence, sucking and licking and
kissing her way up the leg. She lapped away at her skin like a dog laps
away at water. When her lips reached midway up the inner thigh, she
felt Love shiver hard.
"Oh God, baby, make me cum, oh please make me cum!!!" Love moaned out in
desperation.
So turned on by this display of lust was Marilyn that she raised her
shirt over her braless tits, pinched at her nipples, then rubbed them
lewdly against each thigh.
"Well, maybe, if you ask nicely," Marilyn cooed in reply, then kissed
closer to Love's pussy, close enough to smell how much wetness she'd
dripped onto the countertop.
"Please...make me cum...don't do this to me!"
Marilyn kept playing with her tits in her hands as she nuzzled along
closer to the pussy that so begged to be kissed. Just as she was about
to touch it with her lips, she moved her lips over to the other side of
her pussy to nuzzle against the juncture of the other thigh to her hip.
Along in tears, Love screamed out "PLEASE...I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE!!!!"
Then she grabbed Marilyn's head and aimed her lips straight at her
g-string covered pussy. Wanting to tease her lover just a bit more
before eating her out, she tentatively stuck out her tongue against the
soaked fabric and tongued out a `Y' against it. No sooner that she did
that, Love grabbed her head tighter, wrapping her fingers in her hair,
trying to get off against her tongue. Still mauling and palming her
breasts in her hands, she kept moving her tongue against the
panty-covered pussy, slowing spelling out the rest of "You need me!" By
the time she reached the exclamation point, Love was bucking around like
a bronco, sobbing in tears, desperate for release.
"PLEASE...(sob!)MAKE ME CUM!!!...DON'T MAKE ME SUFFER LIKE THIS..."
Finally, Marilyn spread Love's legs with one hand and pulled her
g-string aside with the other. She took one gentle lick on one of the
labia on the twitching, shaved pussy, then said, "mmm...this caramel sure
is sweet." That one lick took Love past the realm of language and left
her laying against the mirror a sobbing mess. She did a matching lick
on the other labia, then went pressed her lips to her clit, taking it
inside and touching her tongue to the tip of it.
Love came so hard, she thought she was going to die. All the pulsing
sensations she felt coursing through her body were magnified. She felt
every muscle in her body tighten up as her pussy began to twitch in
orgasm. She felt her heart pumping harder and harden and faster and
faster. She felt like her brain start to swim in endorphins. Then it
happened. Her heart pumped so hard and fast, she felt like she was
going to have a heart attack. Her muscles felt as if they were going to
explode. Finally, she felt her pussy clamp down against itself harder
that she ever felt before. As the final contractions happened, she
slumped down against the mirror, lost in a world where all was piece and
she felt love. She felt like she was floating through space and that
she was going to be there forever. When she finally came to a minute
later, she felt her foot rubbing against some sort of pole. As she
opened her eyes, she saw that Marilyn was rubbing her foot against her
dick, using the soft flesh to get her hard. As she felt the dick
twitching, she tried to move her foot in a way to get him harder. Soon,
she was giving Marilyn a foot job, and as she felt him twitch, she
noticed that she was close to exploding that cock.
"L-love...remember that reward you owe me for a job well done?" queried
Marilyn as she held onto Love's ankle to stop from collapsing on the
floor.
"Sure. Tell you what...I want you to pump my pussy a couple of times...to
get you lubed up...then I want you to stick that dick up my ass so I can
give you the cum I *know* you need."
She jumped off the counter, then turn around and bent over the counter.
She pulled up the hem of her dress, finally showing off the massive
globes of her ass split by the thin band of the g-string. Marilyn,
tantalized by the sight in front of her, walked up to the fat ass, stuck
her dick in the crack, grabbed Love's hips and started grinding against
her.
"Yeah, this is so nice...I gotta fuck this..."
Marilyn then stepped back just enough to pull the g-string to one side,
exposing Love's pussy. She then bent her dick out, bent her knees some,
then slowly slipped each inch of her cock inside the wet pussy, pumping
it inside of her.
"Ooh...this is so good...you're getting me so hot!" Love moaned out raspily.
"Thank you." With that, Marilyn bent over Love, turned Love's head to
the side and kissed her deeply, their lips hungrily caressing each
other, their mouths trying to swallow each others. After making out
like this, the two realized that Marilyn was balls deep inside of Love.
"OK...I think I'm ready to fuck your ass now."
"Do it...I want your huge cock back inside of me..."
With that, Marilyn stood up straight again, pulled out of Love's pussy,
lined up her dick with Love's asshole and rammed half of it in.
"OOOOH!!!! YOU'RE GONNA SPLIT ME IN TWO!"
"Oh, sorry, it's just that...er, I mean...I just got so excited...I didn't
mean to hurt you." Marilyn then bent over to Love's head and kissed her
forehead in apology.
"Don't apologize...that feels so good....now fuck my ass hard and pump some
cum up my ass!"
With one hand, Marilyn grabbed onto one of Love's breasts, and she
reached down to her clit with the other. She locked lips with Love
again and began to pump deep inside of Love's ass, playing with her clit
as she did it. Love moaned deeply into her mouth as their lips remained
locked.
"BAM! BAM! BAM!"
"Oh shit...I think someone's figured out what we're doing in here"
"Just fuck my ass hard and cum....Oh, I wish I could do this longer
though," Love remarked.
Just as she said that, Marilyn stepped up the pace in her fucking,
fucking in long, powerful, quick strokes. She felt Love tighten her ass
to stroke her cock just right, hitting all the right spots.
"Oh G-god, yeah, I'm about to cum..."
"Yeah, nut in my ass...gimme all your cum!"
With those words, Marilyn lost control, pumping out of control. She
pumped three more times before pulling Love up tight to her, kissing her
hard and moaning into her mouth as she squirted her load inside of her
lover. After she finally stopped coming, she let Love down gently to
the counter and slowly pulled out of her ass.
"HEY! IS EVERYTHING OK IN THERE?"
"Oh shit! Let's get dressed quick!" Marilyn whispered to Love. With
that, the two scrambled to get dressed. "One moment!" screamed out
Marilyn. Love pulled her dress back into position, put her shoe back
on, then scrambled to the door. Marilyn meanwhile pulled her shirt back
down, tucked herself back up and pulled up her pants just as the door
was opening, revealing a theater employee standing at the door.
"Hey, what was wrong?" the guy asked. "I heard a bunch of moaning in
here. Are you guys OK?"
"Um...yeah! It's just that I think we both had some bad hot dogs. Yeah.
Um, can you give us a minute? I wanna talk to her for a bit," Marilyn
nervously spoke out.
"OK, I'll be outside when you're finished." With that, the theater
employee stepped out the bathroom.
"Man, that was incredible. If they say God is love, then you Love must
be as close to God as anyone I've ever seen," Marilyn said.
"Thanks. That was kinda weird fucking some complete stranger. Do you
have any diseases?"
"Nah. Plus I doubt I can get you pregnant unless some of that cum seems
down into your pussy."
"Well, the way it's dripping right now, I wouldn't doubt it."
"So what brought you here."
"Oh, nothing much. Hubby is out of town on a tour of duty with the
Army. I had went clubbing last night, then climbed out of bed this
afternoon to hit a movie. I was just getting ready to see it, fixing my
make-up and such, when you stepped in."
"Alright. Hey, what's your number? Maybe we could hook up again
sometime. That was unreal!"
"No thanks...remember, I'm married!" Love then looked for her purse,
kicked a few sinks down in the midst of passion, then pulled out of her
purse a pen and some paper. "Here...write my number down, so I can get in
touch with you whenever the needs strike me," she said with a wink.
"Thanks," Marilyn said. Then she jotted down her name and number.
"Well, let's get out of here...see ya around!" Love said with a smile,
then strolled out of the bathroom. Marilyn followed not to far behind
her. Just as she got out the door, the theater guy showed up in there.
"I know what you two were doing in there."
"Is there a way for me to get out of trouble?"
"Well, you could show me your t..."
Just as he said that, Marilyn quickly grabbed the bottom of her shirt,
flashed the guy, then said to him "See ya!" Marilyn then ran on back up
the stair to the theater. She had missed most of the movie she had came
to see, but who cares? She enjoyed herself that afternoon.
___
Please write me some comments! And please, don't try the above at home.
;-)
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