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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 370 Oct 7
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Celestial Reviews 370 -- Oct 7, 2000
Note: I have a Pokemon sex story to review. I know nothing about Pokemon, and
therefore cannot do this sensibly. If anyone wants to give this story a shot,
I would appreciate hearing from you.
For that matter, if anyone wants to volunteer to review a story or two on a
regular basis, I'd like to hear from you.
Second note: I am posting this issue with only some of the Links. I'm sorry
about that. My public service extends to writing these reviews, not to
finding links for each individual story. Almost all of them can be found in
the a.s.s.m. archives or in DejaNews. I have a helper who often gets the
Links for me, but he seems to be excessively busy lately. I figure if I don't
post this issue now, I'll have another one ready to go before this one gets
posted. If anyone else is willing to help out by locating the links where
people can find these stories, please contact me.
Third note: I plan to run a special issue reviewing Halloween stories on
October 28. I have already received a few new stories for that issue. If I
think a story is appropriate for Halloween, I am reading it, writing the
review, and setting it aside until October 28. In the special issue I plan to
repost OLD reviews of Halloween stories as well. If you have a Halloween
story that you want me to include in the special issue, you should contact
me.
I often see stories that look like they might be appropriate for my Halloween
collection. Some of these are good stories; others are weak. In the past I
have reviewed ALL Halloween stories, with the result that I have alienated
and angered people whose stories received low ratings when they "didn't even
give a shit about my opinion in the first place." I still feel that I have
the right to review any story I feel like reviewing, but there are so many
stories whvoid needless work and hostility by reviewing only Halloween
stories that someone asks me to review. If you write a story and don't ask me
to review it and then whine about my "neglect" for you, I plan to hire an
incubus to piss on your grave on Halloween. So Beware!
THIS WEEK'S JOKE:
One day a five-year-old little girl excitedly approached her mother, and
announced that she had learned how you get a baby. The mother was amused and
said, "Oh really sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl then explained, "Well, the mommy and daddy take off all of
their clothes, and the daddy's wiener stands way up high, and the mommy
kneels on the floor and puts the daddy's wiener in her mouth. And then the
daddy's wiener sort of explodes and makes sticky juice into the mommy's
mouth. Then the mommy swallows the sticky juice, and that's how you get a
baby."
The mother looked lovingly at her daughter, leaned over to meet her eye to
eye and said, "Oh honey, that's sweet, but that's not how you get a baby.
That's how you get jewelry."
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Vector" by Michael38 (Sci-fi sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MichaelD/www/stories/Vector/Vector.html
"Had to Be" by Jacobin (sex with teen cousin) 8.5, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?
"Risk and Reward" by Artie (science fiction) 10, 10, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?
"Like Mother, Like Daughter" by JCJoe (lesbian incest) 6, 7, 6
"Black Cat Got Your Tongue?" by Ann Douglas (sex & crime-fighting) 8.5, 10,
9.5
"Anniversary Night" by Jennifer Doalfer (exhibitionism) 8, 8, 8
"Miracle" by Lyndon Brown (wife watching) 9.5, 9. 7
"Expanding Julie's Sexual Horizons" by Father Ignatius (anal sex gone awry)
10, 10, 10
"Love for Sale" by Wombat (passionate fling) 10, 9, 9
"The Ninespin Collection" by DrSpin (miscellaneous sex) 10, 9.5, 9.5
"Amanda's Honeymoon" by Jenny Wanshel (honeymoon sex) 10, 9, 9
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"The Wonders of Hypnosis" by Jennifer Doalfer
"Oh God" by Phil Phantom
"Utopia" by Dandy Don
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Georgetta: The Bet" by Dolphin (tender bondage) 10, 10, 10
* "Kachina" by SueNH (sex in the great outdoors) 10
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Vector" by Michael38
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/MichaelD/www/stories/Vector/Vector.html
Victor has been experiencing some unusually pleasant and pleasantly unusual
sensations lately -- like two beautiful young women mysteriously appearing in
his house and having an orgy with him for a couple of hours. Well, maybe; all
he has for evidence is a pair of sexy panties that the cat might have dragged
in, for all he knew. As the story says, "Did you ever have that feeling as a
child? That everything might be a dream, but you had no way of knowing?"
Descartes did. He solved the problem by building his life around the saying,
"Coito, ergo suk." Or something like that.
Victor is a literature professor who finds himself entering an alternate
reality during class lectures and at miscellaneous other times. This sets him
up for Freudian one-liners, as when he thinks he sees Leslie achieving orgasm
with a large dildo during his lecture and she tells him after class that she
has been enjoying participating in the class recently. "I can tell," he says.
Imagine that.
Victor concludes that he is experiencing hallucinations or schizophrenia
rather than just plain good luck, and he sort of foolishly seeks a solution
to his "problem." As Hemingway said in The Great Gatsby, "I should have such
problems."
The reason I mentioned Hemingway, even though he is unrelated to Gatsby, is
because the present story includes allusions to that author. In fact, the
present author cites "The Sun also Rises" in an epigram at the beginning of a
chapter. I almost said "epitaph," but that would have been as inaccurate as
"epithet." I had a professor who had done his doctoral dissertation on "The
Sun also Rises." He said it was absolutely impossible for anyone to drink as
much wine as the people drank in that novel. He was probably right. The
professor never did get his doctorate, because his committee thought that was
a rather lame point. He tried to prove he was right, but he got intoxicated
and died when he ran over himself. It's not what you might think. He was on
his last shorty pint of Thunderbird, and he asked his companion to run over
to the liquor store and get him another pint. The guy gave him a funny look
and told him to run over himself. He did; and while he was running over
himself, the police raided the brothel that was right next to the liquor
store. The whores rushed out a backdoor and knocked over a garbage can in
which a flock of killer bees had been having lunch. The bees stung the
whores, and three of them collapsed right on top of the professor, who
suffocated from a surfeit of boobs and pussy. This didn't really happen. I
just thought I'd take a shot at making up really strange things. I might as
well admit that the author does a better job than me/myself/I with regard to
the sex. You would have noticed that anyway when you read the story.
The real reason I mentioned Hemingway was because that's the name of the
story's talking Cat, with whom Victor discusses sex and other important
issues. You'll have to read the story to see whether that's true.
I really could go on forever about this story. But I could lie my ass off,
and it would sound as plausible as what really happens in this story. It's as
if the author called up a demonic sex goddess each evening and she gave him
two or three unrelated ideas that he had to convert into the sexy chapter du
jour. As in, "No, you saved my child. Let me at least give you a blow job."
Go ahead. Try to construct a context for that line. The author carries it off
beautifully and erotically.
This is one sex story that gives more attention to physics than to physiques
-- but only at the theoretical level. Indeed, the title of the story is based
on a simple concept of physics. Vectors describe quantities such as
displacement and velocity that universally express the laws of physics in a
way that is the same for all coordinate systems. Fortunately, even if you
don't know much about physics or vectors, you'll still enjoy this story.
However, if you're willing and able to embrace the intellectual
sophistication of the story, you're in for an even bigger treat.
Although I read many, many excellent stories last year, my favorite LONG
story of 1999 was Al Steiner's "Doing It All Over." The present story has in
common with Steiner's an analysis of the complexities that arise when people
"play god" -- what could happen if we could actually make alterations in
human reality. Steiner messed with personal histories; the present author
with individual personalities. What emerges from these two stories is some
evidence that playing god might seem like a good thing, but it is fraught
with unexpected complexities. And that's why these two stories (as well as
several other shorter science fiction or mind control or transgender or
whatever stories) are superior to the simplistic mind control or other types
of sex story. Instead of just forcing us to believe that it would be really
swell to be able to force others to do outrageous or sexy things for us,
these stories explore in realistic detail the implications of what those
alterations of reality would mean. At times that sort of analysis can become
laborious and even boring, but both Steiner and MichaelD have done good jobs
of introducing the complexities and resolving them in such a way as to
increase the overall interest of the plot. This sort of effort is to be
applauded.
So my advice is that you should just read the story for yourself. This is one
of the most delightful stories I have read in a long time.
There is only one noteworthy flaw in this story. The author correctly points
out that it would be difficult to fire an English professor at a major
university for, say, humping a consenting adult in his office. Yet at one
point this English professor says, "I'm right, aren't I?" Even tenured
English teachers can be dismissed on the spot for ending a question that way.
Well, maybe not. But as Hemingway the Cat said, "Ain't it pretty to think so?"
Ratings for "Vector"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Had to Be" by Jacobin (jacobin2k@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?
Jack and his family have gone to visit some long-lost relatives. You know how
some people have what they call kissin' cousins? Well, Jack discovers he can
go those people one better.
From their inauspicious beginning when she first grips his initially limp
penis after Jessica burst into the bathroom after Jack has just taken a piss
-- from this beginning great things come, so to speak. There in the john --
er, loo -- Jack swallows his groans, while Jessica swallows something else.
Both young people appear to be almost as deprived as they are depraved, and
so a good time is had by both. Then, when he stops to say goodnight to the
older folks right before Jack sneaks off to bed to be with Jessica, his
mother tells him that he shouldn't eat the French dip. I think that's a
redneck term for sex with cousins.
I thought the sex was tender, humorous, and hot. There are numerous grammar
errors that could be fixed by a quick proofreading; but they don't seriously
disrupt the story, and they supplied the topic for part of the Celestial
Grammar in this issue. In short, this was a nice little story.
Ratings for "Had to Be"
Athena (plot & character): 8.5
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Risk and Reward" by Artie (artie@netgate.net)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?
This story takes place in the distant future, after mankind has become free
of the tyranny of the speed of light. The story develops slowly but smoothly.
During the warm-up, not only do we witness the preparations for a space
voyage, but we also learn the protocols through which the people in the story
interact.
The sex doesn't occur until well past the halfway point in the story. The
idea of having sex while experiencing unfamiliar sensations of space travel wa
s interesting to me, but not sexually stimulating.
This story requires careful reading and attention to detail. If you're
looking for a quick sexual fix, you'll absolutely hate this story. If you're
looking for some good science fiction, you'll find this story to be
rewarding.
Ratings for "Risk and Reward"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Like Mother, Like Daughter" by JCJoe (joeblues@netdoor.com).
Annie is a happily married, industrious young woman. Her best friend, Janice,
is a happily divorced slut. They used to be lovers back when they were much
younger. Kimi, Janice's daughter, has learned about sex by making out with
her mother and with the occasional boyfriend. She's hot to trot, and she's
eager to be real nice to her best friend, Amanda, who is Annie's daughter. So
the teenagers fuck with each other. Unfortunately, Annie comes home
unexpectedly and catches them in the throes of passion. To make a long story
short, Annie and Janice teach the teenagers a lesson by having a foursome
with them.
This story is written by a new author who asked for advice. My problem with
the story is that it was related too matter-of-factly and relied too heavily
on moaning and shouting to convey the impact of good sex. There was some good
sexual tension, but it got buried in the shuffle. In addition, the story had
numerous grammatical errors, which were severely distracting. I'm sure a lot
of them -- such as the numerous omitted words -- could be fixed by even a
casual proofreading.
As the plot for an X-rated movie with porn stars inserted into the main
roles, this story would have potential if it were cleaned up a little. But
the problem with X-rated movies is that they don't use character development
to move the "plot" along. In the present case, what we appear to have is a
teenage boy's insights into "an orgy of lesbian lust." That itself is
interesting, but lesbians having lustful orgies are more interesting if they
have personalities. If you compare this story to one of Ann Douglas's lesbian
romps, you'll see huge differences in the mood and impact of the stories; and
this difference arises mostly from Ann's greater focus on character
development.
I hope in the future this author looks a little more into the personalities
of the people in the story and makes the activities a little less
stereotypical. He should leave out some grunts and moans and tell us some
additional interesting things that make us care about and identify with the
emotions of the people involved in the sexcapades.
Ratings for "Like Mother, Like Daughter"
Athena (plot & character): 6
Venus (technical quality): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Black Cat Got Your Tongue?" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
During World War II Abby got onto the police force because there was a
shortage of men and she had big breasts, which made her palatable <wink> to
the men in charge of the Department. But when Johnny came marching home after
the War, Abby was out of a job. Frustrated over her inability to find a place
in traditional law enforcement, she takes up a vigilante role a la Zorro as
Ultra Woman.
At age 18, Mega Girl is several years younger than Abby. But her genius with
crime-fighting gadgetry has endeared her to the older woman. Together they
take on the Black Cat. But alas! The Black Cat (a sexy black super-criminal)
turns the tables on Abby and makes her consume a drug whose lethal effects
can be canceled only by having an orgasm within an hour of the ingestion of
the potion. Even masturbation would work, but poor Abby has been securely
bound by her captor. Holy Cunnilingus, Batfans! What will Ultra Woman do?
Oddly enough, the answer isn't what you might expect. Well, not exactly what
you might expect.
Ratings for "Black Cat Got Your Tongue?"
Athena (plot & character): 8.5
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Class Mates" by Felix Phile (felixphile@hotmail.com).
As I approached this story, I reminded myself not to expect too much from a
story whose descriptors read "MF, university, beer <*>."
With almost everyone else gone home for Christmas vacation, our narrator and
his friend are wolfing down a few beers while watching TV. His friend is a
girl, but he has always looked at her as one of the guys.
So after several drinks and a brief discussion of vibrators and their mutual
inability to get laid, he finds himself with Chris cuddled up against him,
and he is caressing her bare arms. That's a right guaranteed by the U.S.
Constitution, you know. Really. Literally. The right to bare arms is
expressly guaranteed by the second amendment. Bare breasts and bare asses are
a different matter -- although a lawyer friend told me both were covered by
habeas corpus.
Anyway, they assuage their mutual angst.
Of course, next comes The Morning After: "It was just friend helping friend,
right?" Cicero discusses this in De Amicitia (On Friendship). Interestingly,
Cicero's discussion of Friendship is exclusively male/male. Imagine that.
Let's just say these two work out a satisfactory relationship that doesn't
interfere with their friendship. And the sex is quite sexy. However, if
you're looking for a really good discussion of universities or beer, you
might want to look elsewhere.
Ratings for "Class Mates"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Anniversary Night" by Jennifer Doalfer (exhibitionism).
The husband and wife go to an amusement park near Copenhagen and make out in
outlandish ways while on the rides and in the funhouses. Then they copulate
in the forest, in plain sight of the strongman with the mallet that hits the
lever that makes the ball go up and ring the bell -- plus miscellaneous other
onlookers.
A good time is had by all, and then they have an uneventful trip home.
As the author herself acknowledges, this story lacks some of the dialog and
plot development that often occur in a creative short story. That's because
she presents this story as a true summary of what she and her husband did on
the night of their wedding anniversary. If you have read other stories by
this author, you may enjoy this straightforward approach, because it gives
the impression of letting us see inside the real life of a person whom we
know from the other stories she has written for us.
Ratings for "Anniversary Night"
Athena (plot & character): 8
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Miracle" by Lyndon Brown (indysheets@hotmail.com).
I really didn't get this one when I first read it. We have a man who has
apparently experienced what he thinks is a miracle. Since this is fiction and
he says he has been the beneficiary of a miracle, I guess we can assume that
he HAS been cured of his paralysis by a miracle.
The story consists of this man talking to a visitor, while they watch his
wife screwing somebody else on the video screen. I suppose somebody will find
this to be sexy or something, but I initially found it to be insipid and
pointless and gave it very low ratings. What I initially saw was a story w
ithout pathos about a man who was pathetic.
What the author is trying to do is experiment with ellipses ("..."). That is,
every time we encounter an ellipsis, we have to use our imagination to figure
out has been omitted. In each case, what is omitted is what the other person
intended to say. That is, the visitor's mind has been racing ahead; and the
visitor interrupts with a non-recorded statement, and the narrator
immediately continues with a new train of thought, which is a response to the
unrecorded statement. This is an interesting technique.
Initially, I was extremely put off by the story; but as I reread it while
writing this review, I became mollified. The story really does have a point.
It's still not my cup of tea; but if you take the time to think about what
the narrator is really saying, there really is a valid story here.
In his preamble, the author refers to this technique as the use of the
"ellipse." That's not correct. An ellipse is a geometric shape. The earth's
orbit is an ellipse. What the author means is ellipsis. The mistake probably
arose because the plural of both is ELLIPSES. "Ellipse" gets this plural by
simply adding the s. "Ellipsis" gets this plural by changing the final "is"
to "es," which is common when Latin nouns ending in "is" are brought directly
into English.
Ratings for "Miracle"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Expanding Julie's Sexual Horizons" by Father Ignatius
(fatherignatius@hotmail.com).
First, let me say that this is the only story I ever read that included the
word "aubergine." Second, let me say that it may be reasonable to believe
that the author of this story is certifiably insane -- in the benign sense of
demented, deranged, or auberginic.
The story describes the narrator's sexual adventures and misadventures with
the eponymous vixen, who initially likes to have sex pretty much her own way.
As the title suggests, the narrator persuades her to expand her sexual
horizons. And that's where things go either awry or amok.
The short way to describe this story is to say that it describes the
application of Murphy's Law to anal sex.
Ratings for "Expanding Julie's Sexual Horizons"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Love for Sale" by Wombat (wombat_o@hotmail.com).
Melanie is hot and mysterious. She's not exactly beautiful, just the epitome
of sexiness. She comes into our narrator's life suddenly, and she leaves just
as suddenly. The title is based on the notion that the narrator is selling
some of the things that he and Melanie shared.
This is one of those really good stories that are hard to describe, because
the description would either fall flat or give the story away. Let's just say
that this was a very sexy little story.
Ratings for "Love for Sale"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Ninespin Collection" by DrSpin (drspin@newsguy.com).
I found this collection over a month ago, and set it aside until I would find
time to review it. As you may have figured out if you looked at the title
real closely, this is a collection of nine very stories by Dr. Spin.
First we have " Reflections on the Spirit," a story about an elderly woman
reflecting on a rash indiscretion of her youth -- which could have given her
a rash, I suppose. (10, 9, 9)
Next, in "Bedside Manners" we have a terminally ill woman in a hospital,
asking her best friend to sleep with her husband, since the poor guy needs
some relief anyway. (10, 10, 10)
Third comes "Email Mixup," in which a man gets a message by mistake from a
woman who is pissed off over the previous evening's one-night stand. (10,
9.5, 9.5)
Next, in "Melissa's Dilemma" a good Samaritan cums to the aid of a damsel in
distress because she has to pee while she's bound hand and foot to a
four-poster. (10, 9.5, 9.5)
For our next number we have "Gwen Punishes Herself." Gwen's naughty behavior
deserves a suitable punishment. (10, 10, 10)
The sixth story is "For Once in Her Life," in which Lizzie gets lewd and
lascivious with Larry, Barry, and Garry, while her husband watches. (10, 9, 8)
The seventh story is "Creaking Gate," in which Ruth becomes anxious while she
waits for her lover to come to her side. This one was too short to appeal to
me.
In "Shut Up, Uncle" the protagonist is faced with the problem of finding a
way to keep the babbling uncle quiet, so that her husband can get some work
done. It's a simple matter of behavior modification. More specifically, I
think it's called shaping. The question is, whose behavior is being shaped?
(10, 10, 10)
Finally, we have "Six Tits." In this case the narrator has become an
accidental peripatetic hermit. He meets a sweet and succulent school girl
with six tits. Gotcha! Only two of the tits belong to the girl, but they are
very nice. The other four belong to her mother and her sister. Together they
explore the protocol of men meeting tits on topless beaches. I know a joke
about two nuns visiting a nude beach and seeing a guy buried with his penis
sticking up, but I am not going to tell it to you. Instead, I am going to ask
you this question: Do you know what a Yankee is? Answer: The same as a
quickie, only a guy can do it alone. (10, 10, 10)
Ratings for "The Ninespin Collection"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Amanda's Honeymoon" by Jenny Wanshel (chilly2@biosys.net).
Here is the sex education from Aunt Matilda to the virgin bride Amanda: "Jack
will know what to do, dear. All you need do is lie on your back and spread
your legs open, so that he may enter you. Don't be frightened."
So off go Jack and Amanda to San Francisco for their honeymoon. After what
we'll call a routine deflowering (mostly because my spellcheck rejected
deflowerment), they cuddle up in bed, where Amanda hears the honeymooners
next door engaged in rowdier activity. I don't know how to explain it --
interminable insouciance -- rhythmic pounding, loud exclamations, and
notably noxious noises.
During the second day of deflowering, Jack and Amanda meet the other couple
at dinner. Amanda wants to extend to Dorothy the sympathy of a fellow
sufferer, but Dorothy doesn't seem to have suffered much at all. Days pass.
Amanda and Jack make love three times a day like clockwork. Tom and Dorothy
spend whole days alone in their room, and sometimes the pounding of the bed
and Dorothy's squeals are so loud that Amanda has to flee in embarrassment,
forcing Jack to take her shopping. Soon Amanda begins to infer that Dorothy's
exclamations may connote something other than pain or panic.
So the two couples take a side trip to Yosemite. And events unfold from there.
All in all, it's like having Dr. Laura along on your honeymoon to give you
advice -- only better, and with a minor deviation or two from the strict
Judeo-Christian tradition.
Ratings for "Amanda's Honeymoon"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Oh God" by Phil Phantom. Guest review by Dave Myers.
I may have said it before, but I'll say it again. Phil Phantom has not been
the same since the loss of sidekick Tiffany, which was quite a while ago. The
last couple PP stories I've dug into have slid rapidly into the mold of
cliche-style hillbilly family sex romps. I sometimes like a good hillybilly
family sex romp, but I _don't_ like largely recycled (or recyclable) material.
Basic synopsis: Neighbor girl is made into sex slave for a slobbering family
of big-dicked guys. Some of the parents conspire in this. The End.
In fact, the ending is a letdown because although we've gotten a little
action with the neighbor girl, the big enchilada is left off the menu, so to
speak. We never get culmination of the acts described. I'll give the story
much credit for being original in this sense. Sometimes talking about doing
something is more fun to read than the doing. With fantasies that "feel
dangerous" this often works. Or in a case where all the buildup and tension
leading up to an act are written really interestingly and I can feel like I
"might as well" have experienced it without having to have been explicit. Not
so here. I felt cheated.
Now, as to the characterization- here's a thought: uneducated ill-mannered
characters aren't very sexy. I'm not saying we can't have some good raunch,
but the flock of men and the mother hens described in this story are daytime
talkshow poster children. Worst of all, perhaps, is that the neighbor girl
herself- who should be more of a centerpiece- doesn't have a lot to say for
herself. She's a so thoroughly "coached" actor (both in the plot and in a
literary sense) it seems fake. Acted, in fact.
The phone conversation between the two mothers in the story is surreal. How
anyone could imagine that those two would respond to each other in the ways
that were chosen is beyond me. It's not just family-sex-romp logic going on
here-- it's just incongruous how they talk to each other.
Maybe I'm picking on Phil a bit too hard. In the pile of recent incest
stories this actually rates average- not poor. It's rather unfortunate that
we are currently experiencing another downturn in production of *literate*
incest stories. This has happened before, and it's been reversed before too.
- No rating {This reviewer does not give numerical ratings. He prefers that
you read his reviews and make your own judgments.}
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
"Georgetta: The Bet" by Dolphin (dolphin31p@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
Three CRs ago in CR#278 I reviewed a BDSM story, a bit unfavorably. This
story is three times the size of the last one and has basically the same
theme: woman looses bet, man gets to play God for a while. Both men dress
their women very elaborately. In this story, Georgetta is dressed like a
"Motorcycle slut from LA". Both women are ordered to have a dildo stuffed up
their pussy.
The last story was reviewed unfavorably, this story is going to get a very
good recommendation. So what's the difference you ask? Character and
respect. Where the previous BDSM story failed in my opinion was that the
woman was one-dimensional -- she existed, nothing more. In this story,
Georgetta is vividly real with feelings, emotions, and desires that don't
always coincide with her lover's. "The Bet" is also about respect, trust,
and love. No one's needs are ignored, feelings are respected, and above
everything else this couple had a lot of fun and I enjoyed reading about it.
The author goes to a lot of trouble to make Georgetta AND the reader
anticipate the sex which is to come. For the most part it was highly
effective. The first twenty-three pages of this thirty-three page story
(from an Agent printout) are devoted to titillating and tantalizing both the
reader and Georgetta. And the finale pretty much lives up to all that
buildup. After so much sexy buildup, the finale coulda simply said "then he
fucked her" and that would probably be enough to throw the reader over the
edge.
Oh there are a few cliches and assumptions like a woman when undressing will
immediately become as preoccupied with her breasts as a man would be (if it's
not a Celestial assumption, it should be). Then there is the generous
tolerance for the woman's multiple orgasms and a very short refractory time
for Chris. But hey -- this is a stroke/trash/call the SO and get yer rocks
off story so I'm not going to knock off any points here. There are also a
few glitches in Athena but given the size of the story a few allowances can
be made here as well.
All in all, this is a most excellent story that serves as a wonderful
introduction to the joys of Bondage and it was very much enjoyed. If sex
with my future Mrs. ever borders on the mundane I think I'll revisit this
story to see how to put a little life back in the relationship.
Ratings for "Georgetta: The Bet"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10
{This past week, a question on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" was, "A
Kachina is a sacred spirit in which of the following cultures?" My husband
immediately answered "Japanese." I knew I had heard the term before, and I
quickly connected it to a story I had reviewed. I politely made a side bet
with my husband that the answer was "Navajo," and I was right. "Kachina was
one of the first stories I reviewed. Here's a repost of that review.}
* "Kachina" by SueNH.
This is a story about a young woman who travels by water and by hiking and
mountain climbing to a beautiful place in the remote wilderness and
masturbates there before bedding down for the night in a cave. (Sue adds a
few details that make it more interesting than my preceding sentence.) In
the middle of the night she is visited by a Kachina - an ancestral Anasazi
spirit-god that had come back to life.
Hey! What can I say? You're going to read the descriptions of the previous
four stories, and then tell me that this one is unrealistic just because a
beautiful blonde woman has passionate sex with a man old enough to be her
ancestor who comes alive from a painting on a cave wall? Believe what you
will. I say, if Peter Pan can have Tinkerbell and if the Greeks can have
Zeus and Aphrodite, then Sue can have her Kachina!
Sue does an excellent job of integrating the sexual activity with the
surroundings and even with a sensitivity to the ancient Native American
heritage. This was a very good story.
(Rating: 10)
=====================
CELESTIAL GRAMMAR:
=====================
Here are some words that are frequently confused:
LIE/LAY
LIE means to recline. (It is an intransitive verb -- it cannot take a direct
object.) Its past tense is LAY, and its perfect tense is HAS LAIN. Of course,
a serious source of confusion is that LAY (in addition to being a word in its
own right, discussed below) is also the past tense of LIE.
LIE also means to state a falsehood. This is a completely different word that
has a separate dictionary entry. Its past tense is LIED and its perfect tense
is HAS LIED. (This meaning is easily understood and usually causes no
confusion. Its main relevance with regard to sex is its use in poignant
country western songs: "She was sound asleep in our double bed/And I let her
lie.")
LAY means to put something (or someone) down. (It is a transitive verb.) The
past tense is LAID. The perfect tense is HAS LAID.
The three most common problems with LIE/LAY are: (1) using LIE when you mean
LAY (and vice versa), (2) Using LAID (instead of LAY) as a past tense of LIE,
and (3) using LAID (instead of LAIN) as the perfect tense of LIE.
INCORRECT: We continued to lay in bed after our orgasms.
CORRECT: We continued to lie in bed after our orgasms.
INCORRECT: I had been watching her lay in bed for nearly an
hour before she woke up.
CORRECT: I had been watching her lie in bed for nearly an hour
before she woke up.
INCORRECT: She told me to lie the dildo on the night stand.
CORRECT: She told me to lay the dildo on the night stand.
INCORRECT: After lying the dildo on the night stand, I fucked
her brains out.
CORRECT: After laying the dildo on the night stand, I fucked
her brains out.
CORRECT: After laying her in the hay loft, I went inside and laid
her sister too. (This is grammatically correct, but it may
constitute a social faux pas.)
INCORRECT: I should have lain the key to the handcuffs out of
her reach before I left the room.
CORRECT: I should have laid the key to the handcuffs out of her
reach before I left the room.
ANXIOUS/EAGER
ANXIOUS means filled with anxiety. When it's followed by a preposition, it's
usually "about" plus a gerund (-ing word). ANXIOUS is not a synonym for
EAGER, which means having an earnest desire to do something. When EAGER is
followed by a preposition, it's usually "to" plus an infinitive (regular form
of the verb).
A young boy might be either EAGER or ANXIOUS (or possibly both) with regard
to his first sexual experience, but these are separate concepts.
Because he had heard about their activities from his roommate,
Josh was ANXIOUS about joining the girls for the initiation
ceremony.
Because he had heard about their activities from his roommate,
Josh was EAGER to join the girls for the initiation ceremony.
I am ANXIOUS about having anal sex with you. (low odds
of scoring)
I am EAGER to have anal sex with you. (high odds of
scoring)
It's wise to use these words correctly, but you should be aware that about
90% of the people you will ever meet will use ANXIOUS plus "to" as a synonym
for EAGER. So if someone says, "I am ANXIOUS to have anal sex with you," you
might as well fuck him/her in the ass before you recommend therapy to
alleviate the anxiety. The "to" would probably stand up as a legitimate
defense in court in a sexual harassment trial.
You also have to be careful with these words when they modify nouns directly.
The phrase "ANXIOUS lover" should be reserved for guys in danger of premature
ejaculation or suffering from some other form of anxiety. People who simply
want to get on with it are EAGER lovers.
ASSURE/ENSURE/INSURE
ASSURE means to promise. INSURE and ENSURE can both be used to mean to make
certain. If you want to make a distinction between INSURE and ENSURE, then
reserve INSURE to mean to purchase insurance.
I can ASSURE you that you'll be popular at the party if you dress
like that.
Dressing like that will ENSURE (or INSURE) that you'll get laid.
Rumor has it that her husband INSURED her body for a million
dollars before he let her take a job at the high school.
In an act more successful at drawing moths to the flame than at
INSURING her virtue, Beth wore a wet tee-shirt that only served
to accentuate her aroused nipples.
ALL RIGHT/ALRIGHT
ALRIGHT has arisen as an informal version of ALL RIGHT. It is generally
accepted in any informal context, except when the two words should clearly be
distinguished (as in, "He answered the ten questions and got them all
right.") When writing formal or edited text, it is always proper to use ALL
RIGHT. In fact, it's safest and simpler never to use ALRIGHT.
Since his wife wasn't home, she thought it would be ALL RIGHT
(or ALRIGHT) to fuck his brains out.
When his wife interogated him about his evenings activities, he got the
answers ALL RIGHT.
AMELIORATE/ASSUAGE
Both of these words mean to make better, but in different senses. ASSUAGE
implies softening or sweetening what is harsh or disagreeable. The word is
usually applied to negative emotions, but it can also be applied to feelings
that are negative only in a loose sense. Things that we can ASSUAGE include
pain, grief, hunger, fear, and raging hard-ons. If we ASSUAGE a negative
emotion or feeling completely, it goes away.
The blowjob ASSUAGED his passion only temporarily.
The fact that all four of the girls accepted his invitation
assuaged his fear that they would perceive him as an
academic geek.
AMELIORATE implies making more tolerable or acceptable conditions that are
hard to endure. Things that we AMELIORATE include situations and conditions.
If we AMELIORATE something completely, it becomes really awesome.
His new sex toy AMELIORATED his sex life almost immediately.
The new girl AMELIORATED the algebra class considerably.
<end>
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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