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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 367 Sept 16
Date: Thu, 14 Sep 2000 16:10:05 -0400
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Celestial Reviews 367 -" Sept 16, 2000
Note: I noticed that Athena and Venus were mixed up in my first set of
post-hiatus reviews. I have put them back in the right order. Athena was the
Greek goddess of wisdom. Hence, she gets credit for my ratings for technical
quality. Venus was the Roman goddess of love. Hence, she gets credit for my
ratings of the plot and character development of a sex story. Celeste is me;
and I get credit for my own preferences.
Second note: I have a web site of my own now. It's nothing spectacular; but
if your goal is to find my reviews, you may find it easier or more convenient
to look at my web site than to find them elsewhere. I'll still continue to
post them on a.s.s.m., and they will be archived in the asstr archives.
My web page address is
http://hometown.aol.com/celeste801
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Size" by Lyndon Brown (indysheets@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=651316479
The man has been happily married to his wife for a long time, but he has a
wee little weenie. She wishes he had a bigger one. He figures he'll teach her
a lesson. He'll have some guy with a ten-incher fuck her in a brutish manner;
and then he'll make tender love to her, thus proving to her that tenderness
is better than size. Hmmm --. Right --.
This isn't the sort of story that will get you turned on. At least I hope
not. But it's still a cute story. As the saying goes, "If it ain't broke,
don't fix it."
Ratings for "Size"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Sometimes Love Is Not Enough" by Jack of all Trades
(tradesjackofall@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=593699559
This is an extremely good story. Bill Garvin is a nasty SOB who beats his
wife and screws his bank customers metaphorically and his daughter literally.
Mike Sanders is a nice young boy who is devoted to his horse, who does chores
around the house, whose parents are being screwed by Bill Garvin, and who is
deeply attracted to Garvin's daughter, Patience.
I'm going to let you read the story yourself. It's a good one.
This author uses the following story codes on his title line: (mf, rom,
incest, violence). I think this story demonstrates the futility of the story
codes. While I can understand that potential readers would like to know what
a story is about before downloading it, in this case the information is
misleading. The abbreviation "mf" in lowercase means that we have two young
people having sex. That's true. "Rom" means that the story is romantic. Also
true. "Incest" means that the story involves incest. That's true; but most
readers who look for "incest" in the title line are looking for "family fun"
-" the sort of story in which parents merrily hump their kids to the mutual
benefit of everyone concerned. This story takes a much more realistic
perspective: the daughter who is getting screwed hates the experience and
would like to see the old man dead. "Violence" usually means that the story
contains rape or coercion in the context of, "Hey, cool! Look at that bitch
squirm." This story, on the other hand, puts sexual violence in the
perspective in which it belongs -" a demeaning activity imposed by a complete
asshole on a victim who is hurt by the experience.
So my guess is that a lot of people looking for a good story missed this one,
because the story codes were 'misleading.' I hope this review helps correct
that mistake. The story has minor imperfections. For example, a teenage girl
who has been repeatedly abused by her father and who has therefore spurned
contact with males might have more trouble making tender love than Patience
displayed in this story- even with a very friendly boyfriend. But overall,
the plot and character development are excellent. The non-sexual elements of
the plot {banking problems faced by small farmers and counseling for abused
women} are well handled and are nicely integrated into the plot.
The author chooses words effectively and employs generally effective sentence
structure, but there are numerous examples of just plain bad punctuation. For
example:
<<He had gotten him for a song, his previous owner felt he was too wild,
couldn't be tamed.>>
This is an example of a comma splice -" a type of a run-on sentence. There
should be either a period or a semicolon after "song."
<<The only friends she ever had were also Bill's, she wouldn't feel safe
going to them.>>
This is another comma splice. In this case, I would solve the problem by
turning the first clause into a subordinate clause, like this:
<<Since the only friends she ever had were also Bill's, she wouldn't feel
safe going to them.>>
Here's another example of omitted punctuation:
<<Even though his transfer here had resulted in a pay increase he was under
no illusions about what it really meant.>>
There should be a comma after increase. This is possibly a close call, but
the general rule is to use a comma to set off introductory phrases and
clauses. {This is because without the comma, the phrase or clause tends to
blend with whatever comes next.} If the introductory phrase or clause is
short, it's OK to omit the comma; but I thought the above sentence was
confusing without the comma. Mistakes like this are numerous and annoying;
but the overall high quality of the writing helps minimize their impact.
Ratings for "Sometimes Love is Not Enough"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts" by Einstein X. Mystery
(einstein@scn.org).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666823385
The title describes what the young lady was wearing the first time the two
teenagers made love together. It was the first time for both. So he goes
through life with an affinity for ribbed sweaters & broomstick skirts. It's
called classical conditioning -" Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of the
bell, and the narrator salivates somewhat metaphorically at the sight of the
designated garments. Personally, I have an affinity for large plants in
concrete baskets on the top of tall buildings, but that's about all you're
going to get out of me.
Stories about young teen love evoke sweet emotions in me -" even if what the
story describes bears no resemblance to my own first time. In general, most
teens should follow the advice that Ann Landers gives -" wait until you're
grown up to have sex. My own main objection to teenage sex is that once kids
starting screwing, it's awful hard to stop -" especially if it's as good as it
is in this story; and if you can't stop, you're likely to get entwined in a
relationship that will wind up hurting someone. But only in real life.
But as a fantasy of what the first time was like -" or what it could have been
like -" this story was delightful.
Ratings for "Ribbed Sweaters & Broomstick Skirts"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Tom's Secret" by Serath Rune (.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636598
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=665636759
The author describes this as a variation on "Husband" by Alcibade, a story to
which I gave ratings of 10, 8, 8 back in issue 162 of Celestial Reviews
{March 1, 1997}. My relatively low ratings for plot development and
preference were based largely on the fact that the story appeared to be
incomplete. Serath has set out to correct that shortcoming.
Tom and Ellen have been happily married. Then one day Tom informs Ellen that
in order for him to be happy, he has to watch another man make love to her,
while that man also dominates him. Reluctantly, Ellen agrees. The ensuing
scene seemed distasteful and demeaning to me, but Ellen enjoys the
experience; and it seems to be just the tonic that their marriage has needed.
Read the story for more complete details.
I just don't get it. Now, keep in mind that I didn't go out and dig up a
story that I thought I would hate, so that I could spew my wrath at an
innocent author. Serath sent me this story with a request for a review. I
don't think she is depraved or illiterate. The punctuation is just plain
screwed up in several places. That sort of thing adds to the discontinuity of
the plot; but even if the punctuation were perfect, I'd see problems with
this story.
If the author's intention was to run a different tale through the Mdom
wife-watching formula -" a tale designed to make sense only to those true
believers whose juices start to flow when some poor bastard gets cuckolded -"
then maybe this is a good story. I don't know; I'm not a member of that club.
However, by sending this story to me, the author seems to be suggesting that
she wants the story to make sense to a broader audience. If that's the case,
I think she has missed the boat. As I understand the plot, the woman allowed
herself to be talked into some severely dysfunctional activities that
violated the basic covenant of love that she shared with her husband, and
then she immediately enjoyed her participation in counterintuitive
activities. And then the marriage was better off as a result of this
experience. Something is missing here. The "true believer" will look at this
story and say, "Yep! That's the way things happen." The rest of us are likely
to say, "Bullshit!" If the story is supposed to convey to me either (1) the
beauty of this submissive lifestyle or (2) the inner workings of the mind of
a person who is different from me, it simply comes up way short.
Over the past few years I have read several novels by Dean Koontz. One of the
things Koontz often does is to try to get inside the mind of somebody whose
emotions are really screwed up and to show the intensity of that person's
emotions. Since the beginning of the school year I have been reading Koontz's
"False Memory." At this point (about a tenth of the way into the long novel),
I am reading about one person with agoraphobia, another with autophobia, and
another who is suicidal for unspecified reasons. I had never even heard of
autophobia before I started this story, and I knew little about agoraphobia;
but as I read this novel, I found myself believing that I could understand
how the minds of these characters worked. I didn't get that feeling with
"Tom's Secret."
Frankly, I sometimes get just plain depressed reading Koontz's novel. But the
dog appears to be normal. And after all, I am reading this during a study
hall during which I am in charge of some kids who make the characters look
normal by comparison.
My point here is that while Koontz considers all three of these characters to
be good people whom I would probably like, he makes me perceive their
behaviors as being clearly dysfunctional; and I think that's the way he
expects the normal person to perceive these behaviors. On the other hand,
with the present story (and also with Alcibade's), I read these activities
that sound clearly dysfunctional; and I get the impression that the author
thinks I am making a mistake to think that these behaviors are really weird.
My analysis of the characters in this story is that they are sick. They need
to get their lives together -" see a counselor, grow up, watch Dr. Laura on TV
-" do whatever it takes to get over some serious problems. I just don't see
the sense behind the notion that it's normal to be aroused by shame. If shame
makes you aroused, you should get over it. Seek professional help, if
necessary. But taking delight in your shame is not productive; nor is it
loving to contribute to someone else's enjoyment of his own shame. That's
called codependency.
My critics crap all over me whenever I write a review like this, because they
say I am commenting on lifestyles or sexual preferences, instead of reviewing
stories, which is what I should be doing. My reply is that I am writing
essays for my personal enlightenment and that of my readers. I label these
essays "reviews," and I do indeed review stories; but I also sometimes write
about the topics that evolve in these stories. I don't see this as being
beyond the scope of what a reviewer is "allowed" to do.
My hope is that a review like this can be helpful to this author, as well as
to other authors who want to accomplish something similar. If her goal was to
write a story for the inner circle of true believers, then perhaps most of my
comments will be useless to her. However, if her goal was to write a story
that conveyed an authentic set of emotions to people that didn't already
share her insights into certain activities, then my feedback may be useful. I
gave the story an honest shot, and (although I have certainly seen worse) it
simply did not give me the impression that I understood the emotions involved
in the story. I hope my insights have been helpful. Maybe somebody else will
give the author different feedback.
Ratings for "Tom's Secret"
Athena (technical quality):7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Blind Date" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=666680762
Jake gets trapped into a blind date with Natalie. Chandra, the wife of the
man who introduced Natalie and Jake for the blind date, is a genuine witch of
Caribbean ancestry. Shortly after dinner, Chandra performs a friendship
ceremony, which makes Natalie and Jake likely to like each other. As near as
I can figure, the friendship ceremony is the Caribbean witchcraft equivalent
of the hypnosis techniques that sophomores often acquire from psychology
textbooks in stories on this newsgroup -" only a little more plausible.
It just doesn't pay for me to summarize stories like this. There are elements
of mind control, but it's not the juvenile stuff that sometimes fills mind
control stories. It's really a nice romance story with lots of good sex and
some interesting twists. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "Blind Date"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Catalyst" by Conjugate (
Here's the deal. Ginny is horny as hell, because she is away at school and
separated from her Sweetie, who is a hunk, albeit unavailable right now.
Danny is a neighbor, who hangs out platonically with Ginny and her friend
Linny; but although Ginny wants to be faithful to her Sweetie, she is aware
that Danny has the hots for her -" or at least for her tits. Meanwhile, Linny
is pining away for a boyfriend who is a dork. Somewhere near the beginning of
the story, deprivation drives Ginny into having seriously wet dreams about
Danny. Therefore, in order to preserve her fidelity to her distant Sweetie,
she decides that she should get Linny involved with Danny, so that he won't
be hot for Ginny's titties anymore, and presumably this will reduce her
libido to a manageable level. Not really, I mutter; Ginny is presuming that
Linny and Danny will carry out their festivities where she cannot see them,
and if this assumption is false, well, then it's Goodbye Sweetie.
The gumdrop in the works (as they say in Canada) is that Linny is slightly
shier than a church mouse (as they say in England). Linny is also sexually
na ve.
Since Linny resists the more direct "Hey, why don't you fuck Danny?"
approach, Ginny adopts the more indirect scheme of reading sex stories from
the Internet together with Linny. Moving right along, Ginny goes over to
Linny's place for stir-fries and rice and to teach her how to masturbate.
This educational activity is necessary because Ginny wants to get Linny
uninhibited enough to attack Danny and keep him apart from Ginny, so that she
can remain faithful to her Sweetie. They start by reading more stories -" this
time of the F solo mast sub-genre. As fate would have it, after a few silly
stories involving zuchinni, coke bottles, and other strategies that exist
only in the minds of male authors who don't quite have their female anatomy
straight, they come upon a story obviously written by somebody who knows how
a woman really masturbates. The story goes into such excellent detail that
even Ginny starts to learn a few things herself.
Well, I am not going to tell you that the two ladies go at it right then and
there or that they eventually have Danny join them in their revelry; but if
that were what happens, then I would have made an accurate prediction,
wouldn't I? And I doubt that I would have brought this up, if I were wrong.
You'll have to read the story to see what happens.
As the author says, "There is no slope more slippery than an oily pair of
pussy lips."
And one more thing: in strip poker who is the winner and who is the loser? I
mean, is it possible that strip poker might be one of those touchy feely
games that we could play at teacher retreats -" games where nobody really
loses and everyone goes away with a warm fuzzy feeling and an eagerness to
contribute to the team effort? Last year our school system hired an "expert
consultant" with a huge zit on his forehead who had us play with a large
ball; but strip porker -" er, poker -" would be a lot cheaper. It's certainly
worth looking into.
The author does a good job of working little editorials, anecdotes, and sex
education tutorials into her story. I have an affinity for authors who do
things like that.
This is an excellent story. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "Catalyst"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Ricksha Boy: Servicing the Tourist Industry" by Father Ignatius
(FatherIgnatius@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595114885
Father Ignatius starts by informing us that the Masai are real people, living
in Kenya, which is a place in Africa. He says men of the tribe have the
biggest dicks in the world. To prepare myself for this story, I went to my
search engine and entered "Masai +dicks."
My search was not in vain. When I cut the dicks out of my search, I got
numerous hits, one of which was to a lesson plan from a school system in
Maryland. Don't bother checking. Leave these people alone. If four million of
my readers rush off and bombard the school system with questions and
requests, Senator Hatch and his gang will be on my ass in no time.
Here's what I found out. After studying about the Masai for two one-hour
periods, third graders in Maryland are able to:
* Explain how the Masai use the physical setting of the land to satisfy
their wants and needs.
* Explain factors which influence where the Masai live.
* Describe how transportation and communication networks link the Masai
community to other communities.
* Describe the relationship between economic wants and needs for the Masai
and Linda's family.
What I am going to do is check this story to see if maybe some of us -" the
people who have access to this story by Father Ignatius -" can accomplish some
of the same goals that the third graders in Maryland can attain after two
days of probably more tedious but less prurient study.
I have finished the story. Interesting enough -" indeed, VERY interestingly -"
the story DOES meet all of the objectives designated for third graders in
Maryland. I kid you not: I read about the physical setting, where the Masai
live, transportation and communication, and economic wants and needs of Masai
ricksha runners.
However, there is a slight possibility that not everything in this story is
exactly true. For example, strong young Masai men probably do pull rickshas,
jump around to impress tourists while doing so, generally hustle tourists,
and fuck the pretty ones whenever it is mutually agreeable to do so. However,
I am not absolutely certain that ricksha drivers are allowed to receive
blowjobs from clients while driving the minibus afterwards or that they would
pull over and suggest that the Nordic goddess desist, were fellatio to have
been initiated.
As the story develops, we discover that Kristen (the Nordic tourist) is more
interested in anthropology than in history. That is, she is more interested
in having sex with her three ricksha boys than in hearing their spiel about
historic landmarks. To accommodate her interests, the guys make it possible
for her to spend the night in an authentic Zulu hut before her departure in
the morning. As the narrator says, "the spectacle of muscular, half naked
warriors working up a sweat fighting for her favours often has a memorably
aphrodisiac effect on the Nordic goddess of the moment and that is a good
enough reason for doing it." Imagine that. The guys have to be careful while
servicing the tourist; otherwise she might mistakenly believe she is to be
sacrificed to a terrible war god, which could be severely distracting.
In addition to meeting all the curricular objectives, this story also informs
us that Uppsala is in Sweden and that either John or Karl Barth has something
to do with Giles Goat-Boy. These factoids represent a bit of what we
educators call an enrichment activity -" that is, a couple of trick questions
we can use to terrorize students who have focused too closely on the presumed
objectives of the unit of instruction. However, for pictures I'm afraid
you'll have to consult National Geographic. By the way, did you know that the
North American continent is actually sinking at the rate of an inch per
decade, because so many people store back issues of National Geographic in
their houses? That wasn't in the story; I heard it on the radio.
In summary, the story is almost certainly as informative as the lesson for
the third graders in Maryland. However, I would NOT recommend the story for
third graders. That's because I subjected the story to a reading level
analysis, which indicated that the grade level was 6.9. That makes it
appropriate for juniors in American high schools -" and possibly graduate
students at Canadian colleges.
This was a truly delightful story.
Oh, I almost forgot. The author uses the word "rutted" in its proper, literal
sense. You can look it up.
Ratings for "Ricksha Boy"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Change in Perspective" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668951788
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=668971928
How's this for pick-up line? "Excuse me; but by any chance would you happen
to know the three major causes of the Civil War?" Alan is in a bar at a
teacher's convention, and the question is coming from the young teacher's
former history teacher, who had also been rated the third-best-looking
teacher in the school.
They have dinner together and share fond memories of their former times
together. An unanswered question is which was greater - the number of times
she imagined her husband was Alan, or the times Alan had jerked off imagining
it was Maureen's mouth wrapped around his cock instead of his own fingers. In
the present story they make new memories.
This is vintage Ann Douglas stuff -" an older woman making gentle but
passionate love to a younger man. Memories and experiences blend nicely into
a very good story.
Ratings for "A Change in Perspective"
Athena (technical quality):9
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
"Husband" by Alcibade.
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection/Book_Shelf_A/alc
husb1.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection/Book_Shelf_A/alc
husb2.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection/Book_Shelf_A/alc
husb3.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection/Book_Shelf_A/alc
husb4.txt
http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Collections/Kristen%27s_Collection/Book_Shelf_A/alc
husb5.txt
Sometimes in order to get turned on the most at the end, you have to become
turned off in the short run, but not so much as to reduce the likelihood that
you will be rewarded at the end. Anyone who has sought the Holy Grail of
simultaneous orgasm knows that this is true.
For some reason I haven't been faced with this problem in a long time. That
must mean that my husband and I are really good at it or maybe he just takes
care of everything at his end or maybe we've discovered that the Holy Grail
isn't as holy as we thought it was. That is, coming first and third might be
as good as coming once simultaneously -" and require less concerted effort.
At any rate, when I used to be faced with this problem, I used to use Wheat
Wafers or Rye Krisps or something like that. I forget the exact name, but it
was a snack that was so insipid that it was impossible to get turned on even
thinking about them. I suspect Bill Clinton used Paula Jones for this same
purpose.
Anyway, the guy in this story is going through some mental gymnastics to time
his orgasm to concur with his lover's. You can read the story to get the
details.
It's not a long story, but it addresses an interesting problem -" if you have
that problem.
Ratings for "The Longest Minute"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
[Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose. The story was not
yet there at the time of this posting, but I am certain it will be there when
Uther completes the revision.]
{Uther is revising this story as he reposts it. I am not going to re-review
it, but I'd like to give it proper attention by reposting this old review.}
To relieve the tension, I'll tell you right up front that the title refers to
the notion that the major advantage of breast-feeding is that it makes a
woman less likely to suffer from breast cancer in later life and will speed
the loss of that extra weight that she developed during pregnancy. Forget
all that, and get on with the story.
This episode is filled with a lot more non-sexual, real-life matters than
most of the other chapters in the Brennan Saga: discussions of child-rearing,
of getting a college education in French, of family tribulations and
relationships, of theoretical economics, of the philosophy of history, of the
Fashoda Incident (when the United Kingdom came perilously close to war with
France), and of many other matters that real-life family members would be
likely to discuss during a Christmas visit. {These are the sort of things
Americans talk about when they don't spend all their time watching
television. Alas, the Brennans don't even own a TV set! Hell, with all the
fucking these two lovebirds do, who would have time to watch TV?} And there's
lots of play with the Kitten -" which is the nickname for Bob and Jeanette's
daughter.
I suppose if you have never read any of the other stories in the Brennan
Saga, you might find this episode a bewildering place to start. However, if
you have been enjoying each of the other episodes as they have appeared,
you'll be likely to enjoy this one. It fills in numerous details about people
we have grown to know and love -" for example, we see the courtship of Bob and
Jeanette (which was the topic of a separate story) from the perspective of
Bob's mom and dad. This is the sort of thing that brings enjoyment to
real-life families, and it makes for a very good read.
Here's what I thought was a subtle mistake: "My father has a heart condition.
Planning a quarrel with him violates her {Vi's} hypocritical oath --." A
"hypocritical oath" would be an insincere affirmation. The correct term is
"Hippocratic oath," referring to Hippocrates, the putative founder of Greek
and modern medical practice. I hesitated to make this "correction," since
this author is usually extremely accurate in his word choice. The sentence
could actually make sense with "hypocritical," since it would be possible
that Bob might have been using a sarcastic pun in the designated sentence.
{In fact, if my professor in college would have caught me with that mistake,
that's what I would have claimed.} I sent a copy of this review to the
author, and he assured me that the pun was intentional.
That's fine with me. As you can see, I have assiduously avoided semicolons in
this discussion until right now; and the result has been a perfectly clear
expression of my ideas (although some wag out there will point out that ideas
that are full of crap cannot possibly be perfectly clear expressions of
anything). However, in the sentence immediately preceding this one, I believe
the semicolon served a useful purpose. It joined the two ideas more closely
than would have been possible had I used two separate sentences, and it
avoided confusion that would have occurred had I used a mere comma. On the
other hand, in the sentence immediately preceding this one, I got by with a
comma instead of a semicolon, because there was no internal punctuation.
However, I also agree with Michael38, who said, " Bah. There are no rules of
grammar so sacrosanct that a talented writer can't break them with impunity
if he knows what he's doing. I can understand such pedantry with non-fiction,
which is about communication, but fiction is art, and art is about breaking
conventions --. All grammar, no soul. No thanks." That is, a writer's (or
speaker's) goal is to communicate a message clearly (and sometimes
artistically). If grammar interferes with that message, then screw the
grammar. But when you follow that dictum, keep in mind that you are inventing
your own grammar; and unless you really know what you are doing (and a lot of
people really DO know what they are doing, even if their knowledge is based
on intuition), you might discover that ignoring the conventional rules of
grammar hurts you more than it helps you.
I also agree that there is some validity in the criticism that some writers
become lazy by using semicolons when they should do something else instead.
But I think a complete ban on semicolons is excessive. I have a friend with a
similar bugaboo. He says that I should never say "very." His says that he
uses his "change all" command to change each "very" in his writing to "damn."
Then his editor removes all the "damns." That's a very good idea.
The semicolon serves a useful purpose. If you want to use that tool for that
purpose, then do so. If you want to solve your problems by reconstructing
sentences in order to avoid semicolons, then do so.
=======================================
TRUE WORDS BY ACCIDENT DEPARTMENT:
=======================================
I found this in a story I was reading this week:
"This {sexual affair} must be discrete; and once it is over, it's over."
The author meant "discreet." What he accidentally said was that the affair
must be non-continuous -" which happened also to be true, I suppose.
DISCRETE means separate or distinct. DISCREET means being judicious or
circumspect in one's conduct or speech. Although lexicographers acknowledge
this distinction, few other really sexy people seem to know about it. Almost
every time an author on a.s.s. means DISCREET, he/she says DISCRETE.
I had sex with her in a discreet corner of the restaurant, where only the
waitresses, the cooks, and customers leaving through the back door could see
us. {This is a correct usage of the word - assuming that it is judicious to
act in this manner.}
I made love to him three discrete times that weekend. {This means they
fucked, they stopped, they fucked, they stopped, and then they fucked again.}
A DISCREET orgy would be one that is conducted in such a way as to avoid
upsetting the neighbors. A DISCRETE orgy would be one that occurred
separately from other orgies. A person who had several DISCREET orgasms while
listening to the preacher would be much less likely to disturb the service
than one who had several DISCRETE orgasms.
<end>
--
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