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From: "Az Il" <azil@my-deja.com>
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Subject: {ASSM} Mother Goosed: The ASS* Nursery Rhymes
Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2000 22:10:10 -0500
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The other day I posted an incest version of Jack and Jill on the
incest groups, in response to a mention of J&J in a post. It met
with a tepid response, but I'm not easily discouraged (and I'm
very easily amused), so I fooled around with some more of the
better known nursery rhymes (and revised J&J slightly).

The following are the results. If you like them, I'll do some
more. I may do some more even if you don't like them.


MOTHER GOOSED: THE ASS* NURSERY RHYMES
by Azil (Copyright 2000)


JACK AND JILL: THE INCEST VERSION
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.

When they got to the top
Jack said, "I'm your pop,
And I think I'll fuck you, daughter."

So Jill sucked her dad
Which drove him quite mad,
And laid back and pulled down her pants.

Then Jack fucked her silly,
As did her brother Billy,
And all of her uncles and aunts.


MARY, MARY: THE FEMDOM VERSION
Mary, Mary, 
Quite contrary
How is your dungeon, lass?

"Filled with men in chains,
Singing sad refrains,
As I beat their bloody ass."


HEY-DIDDLE-DIDDLE: THE INTERRACIAL PREGNANCY VERSION
Hey diddle-diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.

The little dog laughed
To see such fun,
And the dish ran off with the spoon.

The dish and the spoon
Were back quite soon
With the dish knocked up, I suspect.

The spoon said, "I like to make her,
She's much better than the saltshaker,
And I believe in inter-utensil sex."


LITTLE BOY BLUE: THE GAY-PEDO VERSION
Little Boy Blue
Come blow my cock
Your mouth's so warm
And I'm hard as a rock.

We gotta do it now
Come suck my cock
Mom will be home 
At six o'clock.


THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT: THE PROSTITUTION VERSION
This is the house that Jack built.

These are the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.

These are the Johns
Who fuck the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.

These are the cocks
Belonging to the Johns
Who fuck the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.

These are the sores
That grow on the cocks
Belonging to the Johns
Who fuck the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.

These are the docs
Who treat the sores
That grow on the cocks
Belonging to the Johns
Who fuck the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.

These are the cops
Who follow the docs
Who treat the sores
That grow on the cocks
Belonging to the Johns
Who fuck the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.

These are the bribes
Jack pays the cops
Who follow the docs
Who treat the sores
That grow on the cocks
Belonging to the Johns
Who fuck the whores
That live in the house that Jack built.


MISS MUFFET: THE CLERGY SEX VERSION
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
There came a confessor
Who came to molest her,
Then said she needed to pray.


ONE, TWO: THE TEEN SEX VERSION
One, two,
We love to screw.
Three, four,
We fuck some more.
Five, six,
She sucks my dick.
Seven, eight,
We masturbate.
Nine, ten,
We fuck again.
Eleven, twelve,
In her pussy I delve.
Thirteen, fourteen,
I fuck Kathleen.
Fifteen, sixteen,
Her tits between.
Seventeen, eighteen,
My teenage queen.
Nineteen, twenty,
That should be plenty.


GOOSEY GANDER: THE ANAL/BESTIALIALITY/SCAT VERSION
Goosey, goosey, gander,
Whither dost thou wander?
Upstairs and downstairs
And in my lady's chamber.

I stick my bill up her butt
It makes her shake and shiver.
I wiggle it around, it comes out brown,
And then she really delivers.


THE LITTLE GIRL WITH A CURL: THE PEDO GROUP SEX VERSION
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.

Luckily she was good, said the boys in the 'hood,
Who liked to fuck her every way.
They stuck it in her ass, they stuck it in her mouth,
And said, "What fun to play!"


THE PUMPKIN-EATER: THE ORAL SEX VERSION
Peter, Peter, pussy-eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well.

The wife said, "It's hell
To live in a shell,
Though I love my Peter."

"I need more than a tongue,
In my pussy so young,
What I need is Peter's peter."


THE OLD LADY IN THE SHOE: THE HOOKER VERSION
There was an old lady 
Who lived in a shoe.
She had so many daughters
She didn't know what to do.

So she opened up a trade
In the comely young maids,
Offering them to any and all takers.

She said, "To run a brothel,
I know some say is awful,
But I do quite well with shoemakers."


OLD MOTHER HUBBARD: THE BESTIALITY VERSION
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone.

When she turned to reach
The dog broke from his leash
And gave the old bag his hard one.

She said, "Oh, Rex,
I didn't know sex,
Was the thing you were hungering for."

"Let's go to the bed,
My legs I'll spread,
And your bone can fill me some more."

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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