THE TITTLE MONSTER

BY MOTORHOME MAN

There was once a huge forest, and in the huge forest lived a fearsome dragon. He was massive, green and scaly, and he loved to frighten all the humans who lived in the forest with his fire-breathing and enormous roar. His name was the Tittle Monster, and he had this name because of his staple diet.

All the little girls feared the Tittle Monster because he ate humans as food. But it was not just any old humans. The Tittle Monster was very particular over his diet. His staple diet was girls, who he would swoop on from out of the dense undergrowth in the forest. He would grab the girl, and take her back to his home. His home was a big cave in a rock-face deep within the forest. There he would tie up the little girl until he was ready to gobble her up. But it was not just any little girls that were eaten by the Tittle Monster. Years before, his Mommy and Daddy had told him that the sweetest, tastiest little girls were the ones who were just starting to grow little budding breasts. These early teen girls would be very proud of their little budding tittles, and they were the tastiest of all little girls to eat. Well the Tittle Monster had followed the advice of his Parents to the letter, and had tried only to eat girls with little growing tittles. This was how he came to be known by one and all as the Tittle Monster.

But the Tittle Monster was very unhappy. Although he had always followed his Parents' advice, he had found that little girls with budding breasts were actually not that tasty at all. He found that truly they were very hard and quite full of gristle. This was because, as we all know, little girls who have reached the age of budding breasts have also reached the age of teenage tantrums, slamming doors, truism from school, underage pregnancy, and all the hundred and one other things that make girls with little tittles also girls with enormous social problems. In fact, the more that their breasts grow, the more that their egos grow as well. They all want to have enormous breasts like our present-day so-called 'supermodels' (who are actually not that super at all), and with them also often come enormous egos as well. The poor Tittle Monster had discovered this to his cost, and had found that all this made them very difficult to digest.

Once however, he had mistakenly captured and taken back to his home a little pre-teen girl without tits. She was so young and flat-chested that she was actually really nice. She didn't have a teenage girl's horrible ego, and she made none of the pathetic tantrums of teenage girls or their massive demands for money. The Tittle Monster had tied her up and kept her in his cave for several days while he tried to intimidate her. But she was so sweet and nice that he had not succeeded in making her have one tantrum or make any demands for thousands of dollars to be spent on her. So eventually he had gobbled her up, and had found her to be very sweet and tasty. Very, very sweet and tasty. This made him think that little pre-teen girls without breasts were really tasty and nice. But even so, afterwards he instead continued to capture, tie-up and gobble up girls with tittles, and continued to find them all very hard to swallow.

One day a girl who lived in the forest decided to go and intimidate some of the forest creatures. She was thirteen and lived in a log cabin with her old grandmother, who she was horrible to and often threw pots and pans against the wall. Her name was Tracy and she was just developing her own set of little tittles. With them, as usual, was also developing a fast-growing ego, a desire to have lots of money spent on her, a string of disenchanted boyfriends, and all the other trappings of contemporary mixed-up teenage girls.

As she walked through the forest she kicked a few of the forest creatures and swore at others. In fact she swore so much that she attracted the attention of the Tittle Monster. He was quietly sleeping in his cave, and woke up because of all the commotion outside. Several days earlier he had gobbled up a fifteen-year-old girl, who had had large breasts and a huge ego to match. Ever since he had suffered from violent indigestion because the girl had made quite an awful meal, and he had spent much of the time ever since on the toilet. He had just managed to get to sleep after throwing up all night, and was not best pleased to be awoken. So he went outside to see what was going on. He discovered Tracy in the middle of beating the daylights out of a large brown bear. The bear had made the mistake of thinking that she would be his dinner, and was now paying the price. She was attacking the now-terrified bear with her bare hands with all the fervour that teenage girls attack their parents and anyone else unlucky enough to get in the way of their totally unnecessary PMT-created spats.

'What's going on?', demanded the Tittle Monster. 'Help me!' cried the huge brown bear, 'This little bitch is beating the hell out of me'.

'F**k off, you scaly pile of s**t', demanded Tracy, in a very watered-down outburst compared to what most teenage girls say. 'What!!' roared the Tittle Monster, and he seized the violent swearing teenager. This allowed the huge brown bear to escape, although he nevertheless needed to be hospitalised for a month afterwards due to the multiple injuries that he had received at the hands of the teenage girl.

The Tittle Monster dragged the cursing teenager back to his cave. There he tied her up, and did his best to intimidate her. It didn’t work. She was too much like most other early teenage girls of her age, full of nastiness, demands to have thousands of dollars spent on her, and she used the type of colorful language that caused several of the Tittle Monster's scales to fly off with fright. Even so, he still remembered the words of his Mommy and Daddy, that he should eat early teenage girls with budding tits. And so, reluctantly - because he knew that it would turn his stomach - he gobbled up the swearing teenager.

He should have known better. Tracy went down his throat like a porcupine, and he was so violently ill for several days after that he had to go and visit the doctor. The doctor was very unsympathetic. 'You foolish Tittle Monster', said the doctor, 'don’t you realise that early teenage girls with tittles are the most violent, indigestible creatures on Planet Earth? They are horrible to their parents, their brothers and sisters, their grandparents, their poor unfortunate boyfriends, indeed anyone who gets in their way. You won't believe this, but the other day I had to treat at the hospital a huge brown bear that had been beaten up by a teenage girl!'

He prescribed some medicine for the Tittle Monster, who dragged himself down to the nearest drugstore to get the medication made up. But as he arrived at the drugstore, there was a huge commotion. The drugstore was being raided by two violent criminals. They had just ransacked the till, grabbed the money, and were about to shoot dead in cold blood the proprietor. The Tittle Monster realised in an instant what was going on, and breathed a huge gout of flames that totally incinerated the two villains.

Several days later the Tittle Monster was the special guest at a distinguished banquet that was held in his honor at the local town hall. All the town's inhabitants were there to say 'thank you' to the Tittle Monster for killing the two criminals, and making their town safe to live in. The Tittle Monster had become a local celebrity, and all the parents had brought their children to say 'hello' to him, and realise that he was not the fearsome beast that they had been led to believe. In fact, all the town's grown-ups who had teenage daughters had particularly made the point of dragging their swearing money-demanding teenagers along to meet the Tittle Monster. It had been decided to give the Tittle Monster a special gift as a 'thank you' present for his bravery. All of the town's parents who had teenage daughters with little budding tittles and overgrown egos had in fact been unanimous as to what the Tittle Monster should be given as a gift. They had heard of what his s taple diet consisted of, and they had all enthusiastically realised that they could give to him some presents.

And so after the grand banquet in the town hall and many speeches in which the Tittle Monster was praised by the townsfolk, it came time for the Tittle Monster to be given his special gift. The Mayor of the town arose and began his speech "We are so lucky to have you, the Tittle Monster, in our community. Therefore we have decided to give to you a special gift!". The Tittle Monster looked very proud and happy, and his scales took on a very bright and gleaming lustre. "We have heard", continued the Mayor, "that your staple diet is young teenage girls with budding breasts. Well, as you know, many of the families in this town have daughters of that age and physical disposition - and all of them, frankly, are wretched tramps who cause their parents no end of trouble. Therefore, all the parents have been unanimous that you should be given a gift that will satisfy your diet, while at the same time giving the town's parents - and their wallets - a welcome respite". And with that he gestured for a large curtain at one end of the banquet hall to be pulled aside. "Here is your present, dear Tittle Monster" he said, and motioned for the Tittle Monster to follow him. Behind the curtain, the Tittle Monster could see a large pile of girls. They were all tightly tied up and thrown in a heap! All were young teenage girls with budding breasts. All were swearing profusely, demanding that loads of money should be spent on them, and many were having pointless PMT-imagined spats. "This is your present" announced the Mayor, "they are the wretched teenage daughters of the townsfolk - please take them away and have a good meal!!"

The Tittle Monster's eyes went as huge as saucers as he feasted his eyes on the helpless bound teenagers. At first it was assumed that this was because he was delighted with his gift. But the townsfolk were wrong. Instead, the Tittle Monster had said to himself when he saw the tied-up teenagers "Oh my god, that's the last thing that I need!" And so, rather than seizing the swearing tied-up girls and making off with them, instead he breathed a large gout of flame and was heard to exclaim "I'm getting out of here!!" He was last seen fleeing down the main street of the town, being pursued by several of the parents of the teenage girls who were crying "For god's sake take our daughters with you".

And that was the last that was ever seen of the Tittle Monster. Very occasionally after that day, a beautiful tasty little pre-teen girl with no breasts would disappear in the forest never to be seen again. The townsfolk thought each time that this happened, that the little infant had been eaten by a large brown bear - but you and I dear reader know differently, don't we??