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Reviews for Teenager's Pedophilia Feeling, Part 2 Jeffrey 07/06/07 Try not to apologize for your grammar. Maybe once at the opening of the story is enough. Have you thought about a proofreader to help that? Then, I suspect you could also leave out the "asides" --"(sexy to me at least)" for instance. Just let your story flow. That aside sort of distracts readers from the flow of the storyline and action. Nice tale, by the way. I can't wait to read more. Please, continue to 'show' us how it looks as Franni has her way with the young sisters. Tell us clearly how it looks, what she sees even what the young sisters see, as Franni takes advantage of her little friends. Then, of course, how it also feels for all persons involved. Keep up the good work! Gracchus 04/12/06 The second part is the plans made by the protagonist. Now 15 year old Frannie has her two little female friends in her house ... let's see who gets tied up and how. And whether clothes stay on or come off, of course. farside 04/10/06 waiting for the next chapter, need some bondage!!!!! |
