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Reviews for Amanda - Lost From School, Part 1 Jeffrey 07/11/07 "Yes, sir"! she lives through her ordeal. Please give her a name (even him) but have her very shyly /timidly admit it to her new master. Although he "punishes" her, please never allow him to harm or injure her. Gradually, she will begin to enjoy it(?) She will return to his home each afternoon, compulsively (still in uniform) looking for more of his strange attention! Allow them to begin a bonding type relationship. Maybe even have him teach her the discipline /confidence to stand up to, and defend herself against those bullies who originally pushed her down in the water. Maybe she could even "punish" them as she's being taught by her new master(?) Do her parents notice and appreciate her new confidence? Are they pleased with her new confidence? Does she smirk inwardly when they compliment her on her new inner strengthss? Does she innocently tell her parents, "Gee, Mommy /Daddy I don't know where I learned to stand up for myself and my beliefs... But I thought it was high time I learned!" Please be certain to show us, with your words, how it looks -what will we see (colors, textures, sahdows and shapes)- as he disciplines her. Specifically sexually, not violently. I don't wanna see blood and injuries. Just her delicate flesh against his manly flesh as they couple. Be vivid, not necessarily graffic. Avoid any gruesomeness, please. Keep up the good story -line. Jondoe 06/17/07 Nicely written and paced, but please slow down with the sex scenes and give more detail. |
