daddy_therapist

10/30/05

I'm generally not a big fan of the second person voice, but it seems especially jarring here. You have some interesting ideas, but I don't think Donna really protested enough, nor do I think it is entirely coherent. You seem to linger on some parts (the bra coming off) and just race past others (April's stripping). You have potential, but this story's a bit rough.

Timothy

10/29/05

Keep up the great work!