A car pulled into the driveway.
When the engine was shut off, the activity in the dark room changed...
Steve pounded on the door. No answer.
He made a face, and dug for his keys.
"Ig. Hey. You here?" He flicked on a light switch.
No Iggy.
Steve looked around the living room - and stared at the cigars.
There was a box of cigars on the coffee table. Expensive ones.
He walked into the kitchen, still eyeing the cigars. Getting a beer and opening it, he looked at the dirty dishes in the sink. They were dry.
He stuck his head in the garage... and looked at Iggy's truck.
Lumbering downstairs, he called out for Iggy. No sign of him there.
Or in the spare bedroom. The bathroom was empty...
His bedroom door was closed.
Steve stood there for a minute, and eventually pressed his ear against the door. Then he knocked.
"Ig? It's me. You in there?"
Nothing.
He called a couple more times, and knocked harder. When that didn't bring a response either, he cracked the door open -
Cigar smoke. Stale...
"Whew," he mumbled, stepping back. Then he sniffed.
He stood there, thinking. Sniffed a couple more times. Thought some more. Then he opened the door a few more inches, and peeked inside.
It was dark. The bed had nobody on it. Blankets and sheets all off to the side, dirty clothes scattered on the floor.
Steve closed the door and looked at it for a minute, drinking his beer.
Ig's answering machine had three messages. Two from his boss, and one from Steve.
He started playing the outgoing message too, but hit the stop button after a few seconds.
"Huh," he said to the machine.
He chugged his beer, got a new one and went back into the living room. After looking around, he dug in the couch cushions and pulled out the remote...
Surfed until he found the adult channel.
He put his feet up on the coffee table. They were a couple inches away from the cigars.
"But you don't smoke, Ig," Steve murmured into his beer bottle. "You hate smokin'."
And he stared at the cigars for awhile.
Steve looked toward the hallway. Over toward the kitchen...
And he sat up slowly. Picked a cigar out of the box. Looked it over, squeezed it, smelled it.
Stuck it between his teeth.
He patted his pockets, and frowned.
In the kitchen, he came up with a dusty ashtray and a box of matches. He took a big knife and whacked the cigar ends off, too.
Back on the couch, shoes kicked off, feet back up, he lit the cigar. Shaking out the match, he took a long pull. And he nodded.
He seemed to be enjoying himself. Smoking, drinking, watching soft-core porn on Ig's thirty-six-inch TV. After a half-hour or so, he got up and went to the can. The cigar, parked in his mouth while he made water, was maybe halfway gone.
Steve's back was to the hallway, so he didn't see anything... unusual.
He stepped out of the bathroom and looked to his left.
The bedroom door was slightly open.
Steve did a slow double-take at that. Looked to his right, and toward the spare room. Stood there silently.
His expression was sour, but he crept toward the bedroom. He stopped and the door and took a silent breath, making the coal of his cigar brighten -
Standing back, he kicked the door open.
Other than the door bouncing back a little, nothing moved inside.
He reached his arm in and flipped the wall switch. Nothing happened. After a few seconds, he took a few slow puffs on his cigar, and backed out. Turned on the hall light.
Cautiously approaching the room again, he gave it another thirty seconds. Listening. Pulling on the cigar a few more times.
Steve stepped inside. Scanning the room. The closet was to the left. The door was wide open.
Edging over there, he paused and scooped up a hiking boot that was in his path. He lobbed it into the closet. It thumped off the back wall.
When nothing else was heard, he took two more steps. Small ones.
Behind him, the bedroom door slammed.
Your night's about to get... interesting.
You spin around, of course. Start to lunge -
I click on the lamp. Over by the bed. Your head turns. You even get your hand on the doorknob. On the doorknob... And then you see it. Stare at it, dude. It's what I'm going to do to you.
I've got a feather, high over the bed. I flick it at you. C'mere. Yeah, you. I wanna change... your... life.
You stare at it. Message for you, Steve. This is for you. The look on your face makes my night. And it's been a really cool night so far, before you walked into my trap. And it's a tight trap you're in, buddy. Shut tight.
Tragically, you don't pick up on the movement... behind your legs.
Four ropes are right where I want them. Here they go -
Slip knots, for a slippery-handed intruder... to take down a dude who's not slipping out of this one.
I wait the extra second for you to look down. There. Uh-oh, you're so fucked. And here's a little - boost. Both triceps - hey. Are you a gym rat? I'm even happier to meet ya. Lean. Leaner than some other guys I could mention... I grab your arms, and lift -
So I can turn your world upside-down.
You dangle there for a second - and drop the cigar. Lemme get that -
Seeing it float up - away from your ass... That's when you start to yell.
I turn on the TV. Fairly loud. Good thing I nailed that blanket over the window earlier, right over Iggy's miniblinds. I don't need you getting lucky tonight, though. Steve, you're getting a powerful... distraction.
And hey, you're hanging by your ankles. The rope circles and knots. Trusty nylon rope. Flopping like a fish on a stringer -
All except... your feet. I wrap around and hold 'em. You look... and you see nothing...
So you get creative. Swinging, twisting - oh, now you're going to reach up there and pick at the rope, huh? You think so?
Let's get you way from the wall. There. Just lookit these feet. Staying in the same place, no matter what you do.
Tied up tight.
More yelling. "Hallp! Haaaalllllpp!" Hmmmm. You're thrashing around too much to do your best shouting, I'd say. Is that what you call "yelling"? It's not as loud as it could be. I bet it's not loud enough.
Let's find out. Starting with these feet I captured. Old white socks... Hiding a treasure, maybe? I can hope. Bad socks. No way they're gonna interfere.
Well, I'll show them. I bring the feather over. Zeroing in, like a very special bomb. Guided feather-missile. In order to foil the socks, I'm giving you - the shaft. Rigid enough, for starters.
The hardest part of the feather lands on your left foot. Dead center. But you can't see that, way down there.
It's the moment of truth, Steve. Don't let me down, now. Here goes.
I drag the feather-stem. Down -
You stop... in mid-scream. Looking up again.
Scratch, back toward the toes. And across.
"Nnnnnnnnuh. Uh.," you groan. Or is it... a stifled... laugh? You aren't holding out on me, now are ya? Buddy?
Down up down up down up down. Slightly diagonal lines.
And there's this intense pressure in the room. All of a sudden. Building, building... to a level that just can't be withstood. Am I right?
Up down up d-
"Naaaaaaaaahhh haaaaa aeeeeee!," you laugh. No, that's more of a... roar. I'm liking it.
You're ticklish.
I can't believe how my luck is running. A little bit longer, and I'm really gonna be set. And so will you. Oh, yeah - ticklish, with that fine physique...
You flop some more. Just like a big ol' fish, with your arms flying all around. A-ha.
Down up down up down up down up down up down up down...
"Stah ah hah hah whuh huh huh whuh stuh staaah staaaaaaahpppllllllleeeee hooooowheeeee..."
And I am so glad to meet you. We're going to be there for each other. A long, intimate relationship. Intruder-to-captive.
The shaft presses hard, drawing circles and spirals and then some more lines and you're going nuts but I've got you good and tight Steve dude you just can't stand it so you laugh like you really mean every tortured vowel.
You don't know it, but you're about to start sweating like you've never sweat before, so I get that t-shirt
off - whoops. Dropped it. Lying near one of Iggy's shirts. Out of your reach... like everything will be, from now on. No clothes for you. Clothing optional. I opt out of clothing, if your feet are giving you away this badly. And the climate control will be kept where I like it. You're gonna sweat buckets anyway.
Your secret's out. The party of parties is waiting for you. The bar's stocked. You're gonna have the best possible time, and it'll seem like it's never, ever gonna end.
Now that I know what to do with you, let's just remove the word "socks" from your wardrobe. You don't need them. I'm anti-socks, so you're gonna be barefootin' it here.
Stick with "ha", Steve. Repeat a hundred million times. That's a good dude.
Off they come! Like magic...
And the magic never stops. Not when you're with me. Here's the business end of the feather -
Take that!
Oh. Hey. You're howling. You're shaking hard. And you yell - but then you start to laugh again. Make up your mind. You gonna raise help... or are you gonna laugh? I know the answer already, but you're going to have to find out the hard way. Another cry for help. And more really sincere laughing. Trying to make it a loud one, are ya? Make it count?
Let's try that big ol' left foot -
Oh. Laughing harder yet. You just gotta laugh... so... hard.
Well, if you want to get the cops in here, you just better get your priorities straight. Suck it up. Shit...
You're not as tough as you look. If you're such a soft touch, from one little feather -
I'm gonna help you focus. See?
C'mon now. Hold your mud. Look. You see it?
"No! No no nooooooooooooooo..."
Uh-huh. Oh yeah. It's another feather. There it goes. Your poor, defenseless feet...
Two feathers at once. Twice the tickling. Not a fraction of what you're in for, Steve, ol' buddy.
You'd better get your ass out of my grip. Right... now - Whoooo. Very impressive. Look at him go. So you aren't gonna yell for help anymore? Shout at the top of your lungs? You were louder before I started tickling. This is nothing.
So let's get your priorities straight. I'm gonna lay it on you... right after I lay you out.
Maybe it's the blood rushing to your head. I don't know. You look more distracted than ever. A little taste of things to come. Big things... Okay, let me take your arms and r-
No? You kidding me?
Then let's just move these feathers double-time - "Naaaaaawwwlllah hah hah hah nah nnnniiieeeeeee hee heeeeeee neee n-naaah nah aaaaawwwwllll..."
Wow, you're a basket case. Much better. No, quit it... there. I got 'em. I gotcha. They're not getting away again. I'm serious, I mean that literally... Look down.
That's the bed. Iggy's bed.
And there is the rope that's going to k-
Quit kidding around! Roll over. Coming in for a landing.
There you go. Kick. Kick kick. If you think I'm letting go of your ankles, you're fuckin' nuts. How could I tickle your feet like this if I let you kick all you want?
Uh, weren't you going to yell any more than that? Good and loud?
No? You just wanna laugh. Huh?
Well, then... Watch this. Up here.
Magic rope trick.
"Awwww haw haaaaawwww..."
Ta-dah! Tied. No applause, please... well, okay. Go ahead and try - oops. Nope. Your hands are tied. Just like they say, only you can say it now and really mean it. Sorry, my hands are tied.
They're down. Way up there, so your whole upper body is stuck. It's out of your hands, Steve. Get it?
I tied your hands down.
And now I'm going for your feet.
See the rope loosen. Oh - you're going to kick harder, are ya? What part of your present situation is escaping you, buddy?
Here. This will clarify things. I have an iron grip on your ankles. Now, I slide your ankles across the sheet. Out they go. And now I retie the rope...
And pull it through the eye-bolts in the floor. My idea. Just put 'em in today. Don't blame Iggy. It's all on me.
There. You're tied. I'm going to let you catch your breath. Off come the feathers. Just for a sec. You like? Not being tickled?
That's what I was counting on.
You... are exactly what I had in mind, Steve. I'm trippin' on you.
Damn. Could you be in any better shape? You're checking out the ropes already.
It's not going to help. Well, they help me. Now I can tickle you all night. And oh, dude, I mean... all night.
I got the jump on you. There's an intruder in the house. Iggy's house, broken into. But I'm not here to rip him off.
I'm here... to keep you here. Keep you down, and drive you nuts.
You okay with that?
"H-haaaaaalllllppp..."
Steve, Steve, Steve. What part of "fucked" don't you understand? O-kay. That's still not loud enough. I know it... I'll bet you know it... but since you wandered in here, I'm just not willing to take the chance. This has been a terrific day - for me - and you just made my night. Straight up.
The magic goes on and on. See? Now, it's a bandanna -
And now it's a gag. Hold... still, you. Off goes the TV.
There. Oh fuck, you should see yourself. Legs spread wide... Sides just waiting. I'm going to do unspeakable things to your armpits. And, let me just say, that's a tight set of abs you got there. And I'll bet you have no idea how sensitive - how increasingly ticklish you really are.
I think it's time for you to find out. Don't you?
No?
You'd rather test my knots, huh? That's understandable. I'm going to make you wish you never met Iggy. If you hadn't been friends, you wouldn't be here. Hell, Steve, if you hadn't been such a good friend, coming to check on Ig like this... see if he's oka
y... you wouldn't be in for the absolute longest night of your life.
I'm going to make you laugh so hard you will not believe it.
You're going to pay for having that spare key to Ig's place on ya. Paying some ultimate dues. Right here.
I'm the intruder who broke in, and you're the unluckiest man alive.
Last chance for a miracle... Steve.
Is that it? You ready?
No, you're not. And you never will be.
Oh well. Take a look. Down, dude. Down there.
Your feet...
Four hands.
Those are tickling hands. They're gonna send you into orbit.
Oh, now you get serious. You don't think you're getting out of this now, do you? Too late. Let that be a lesson to you. You're gagged, buddy. You're tied. Just for fun.
These hands are made of Chinese silk. I'm going to use them... right... here. Oh, shit - are your sides that bad? Really? You're not shitting me, are you? Your friendly neighborhood intruder? The one who's going to tickle you until you pass out. Yup. Now,
Steve, they better be impressive... if you're gonna wig out like this. Unbearable. Oh, poor Steve, his sides are just unbearably ticklish, and that big bad intruder is working 'em over so hard...
And I mean - well, I'm thinkin', when I get to tickling, I expect it to be so much worse than anything you've ever had that you absolutely can't find words to describe it for me. That's how much you're going to feel it. I'm not going anywhere until you feel it that much. Way beyond words.
And I've got lots of gloves. I don't know how many I can tickle with, all at the same time. I really don't. Maybe we'll find out.
Later on, I'll turn you on to oil. Kick your fuckin' ass.
All the other tools -
You're... just laying there. If I didn't know better -
But I do. And I will.
Right now.
"Naaaaaaaaagh aaaaaaawg haaauuuuuu aaaaawwu auw auw auuuuwww..."
The feathers, Steve. Did you forget? Already? You did, didn't you? Got so busy staring at the first four gloves that you didn't see 'em getting ready?
You think that's bad?
Watch... this.
Very nice. For a rookie captive.
That was thirty minutes. Yup. That's all. We've got a good seven hours until daybreak. And I don't stop at daybreak. And I sure as hell won't let you pass out on me. Not when you've got so much tickling to take. Not a snowball's chance.
So add fourteen laps like that together, and then you start to get the idea. Start.
Man. You're a fuckin' mess. Look at you. Let's dry you off. Get some moisturizer on ya. A lot of mosturizer.
And, definitely - some water. Let me just untie this gag -
Stop it. No. Get a clue. Your voice is -
No you don't. See this? This is a finger. Tickling finger. I'm going to wag it in front of your nose. Uh-uh-uh, Steve. No yelling allowed. Too late now.
Oh yeah? You think so? Then here comes the gag, and here comes more tough tickling.
Let's try it again.
I untie the gag...
You - no.
You yell? Is that what you think?
Wrong. Gag back in.
Gloves... back down. Punish you real good.
Gag, untying -
And retying. Alright. Okay. If that's the way you want it, buddy. I've got gloves for you.
You've just earned a bad case of laryngitis. The hard way.
Breathe, now. There...
Some guys just don't learn. Good thing I enjoy pounding you as much as I do. You needed it -
And now, find out for yourself. No more gag.
Yup. Uh, what? Pardon me? Can't hear ya. I'm right in the room with you, and I can't hear that miserable excuse for a scream.
So you're safe. Or rather, I am. Now I can really let go. With your voice that scratchy, the odds of somebody else intruding are next to zero. Thanks, dude. Now I have nothing to worry about. Except you, of course. My only focus, now, if getting you to feel the tickling more strongly. I don't care how strong it seems - it's going to get
worse. I know what I'm talking about. No limits.
Hmmmmm.
You drink some water, while I think about what "unlimited" really means for my new captive, here. That's you, Steve. That's you.
How ya doin'?
We're having some fun, huh? Well, I am. You better believe it.
Got a ways to go, to reach the halfway point. Of this night, the first night.
All night, tickling your badass self. Badass muscle-man, except that there's too much rope. And all these gloves.
You know, you're not pulling anywhere near as hard as you were earlier. Most guys would be starting to flag...
The thing is, you're not fading. And that's an excellent sign. Your limbs are done. Those muscles are done for the night. But your breathing is... well, wow. I get to keep going harder, and harder, and your endurance is right there, Steve.
Incredible stamina. I gotta say. We're gonna be at this long after the sun comes up. Oh, yeah. Because I say so, ultra-ticklish dude. Yeah.
You sure are quiet now. No more yelling out of you. All gone. Your voice will be weak, tomorrow. But you're not going to help it any, if you know what I mean. Tomorrow. Get it? Aw... you will.
Pretty impressive thrusting action. I mean that. You seem to be real desperate. Goin' at it for a couple hours now. And you can pump all you want, Steve. All you want...
I'm in it for the tickling. In case you didn't figure that out.
You want some relief from that flagpole you got there, you're gonna have to do it yourself. Which looks like it's gonna be a problem. Tied down, like you are.
So you better make me happy, or else you're not getting your rocks off. Steve. Gotta feel the tickling a lot harder than you have been. And maybe then I'll tickle your balls for a while. And tickle your ass-crack for a while.
Get some more feathers on that... aching... cock. Get you off.
I can do that. Just with feathers. I like to tease it hard, though. It's just brutal.
And you know how I don't like to rush things.
That's better. You're warming up now.
How 'bout some food? Huh?
Shit. Okay. Let me put that differently. Open your fuckin' mouth.
Like that. Now... chew.
That's it. What now? Why that face? It's a MightyBlock. Dude food. You're a gym rat, I bet you've scarfed a ton of these. Chocolate fudge...
And this one's chocolate banana.
Now, peanut b- Oh, yes you are.
Last one. Open up. Steve...
See that glove? Yeah? Guess what it's gonna do to your feet, right now, if you don't op-
That's better. Oatmeal raisin. Lots of energy for a guy who's gonna need it. I'll have to take care of your teeth myself, I guess. If Ig's out of floss, don't sweat it. I didn't forget.
What? Well... I'm gonna take care of you, man. Top-flight tickling needs top-notch fuel.
I'm no thief. Uh-uh. I planned ahead. A real thoughtful intruder. See, out back of the house, I've got more MightyBlocks. You don't wanna know how many. And all kinds of other stuff.
And anything you need, Steve... I'm totally ready to go out and get it.
Have some water. And -
Knock it off. I saw you, earlier...
There. Yeah! I slapped you. Now take the d-
Look. I'm going to keep on slapping you until you take this cigar. You are gonna smoke it.
Think about it a sec.
That's better. Your alternative is to get back to some serious full-scale tickling. Which you'll get anyway... I'd prefer that, myself.
But a longer break works for me. Makes the next tickling real wild. Aw no, here it comes again.
I want you to sit here and think about it. Get revved up nice and high.
So here's a match.
Very good.
With the stamina you've got, buddy, I say go ahead and smoke up.
I insist. That's why I brought 'em.
You're gonna smoke when I want you to. And you're gonna enjoy the fuck out of each smoke.
Or I'll spend that time tickling you instead.
Steve. This cock, here... well, that just can't be healthy. Does it usually look like that? Are you sure you wouldn't like to cum now? All over yourself?
Keep it up, and I might just break down and give you a tough silk hand. Was that hour the best, or what? You are so damn ticklish... Nowhere near where you will be, where I get done with you. But I'm liking this. I'm liking this a lot.
If I hadn't picked Iggy's place to break into, you'd be home sawin' logs right now.
Instead of getting all this insane tickling.
Iron-man tickling.
Those iron-man races, they go on forever. Don't they?
Water. Drink up.
Now this. Hey! Don't... even try to spit it out.
You like beer.
Man needs a light, here.
You forget how to start a cigar, Steve? Puff.
C'mon. Puff.
That's the way. Lookin' good. You are a hell of a guy to have tied down, buddy.
You are the man to tickle. Incredible. And we're not even done for the night.
Hell... no.
Yeah! You're doing fine. For a first-timer, you're definitely worth my while. To tickle.
I'm ready to jump right back in, buddy. Your knees... I could get used to 'em. I think - no, I know - I am going to tickle those knees for a lot longer than you think. And I sure wouldn't want the rest of your body to feel left out. So you're gonna get it
, the full ride, head to toe. I mean it, Steve. Never been more serious in my life.
I can't hear you. Your voice is gone. I did that on purpose, dude...
Caw? Call? Oh. Cock. What about it?
Yeah, it's hard. You ever gone this long, with it this hard, and not get your rocks off?
You've had silk on your nuts for a while. All around... Oh. Not enough, huh?
Gee, you'd almost think I was deliberately not touching your meat. Squeeeeeezing it. Pumping... You'd like that, wouldn't you.
See, the thing is, you may think you're ticklish now... But after you come, you're going to be - impossible. I don't know how to describe it.
All these hours of excellent tickling. And when I get you off - 'cause, buddy, you know
your hands are staying right where they are, I mean, I'd sooner pick up the phone and call the cops myself than untie you right now.
Anyway. When I get you off... and tickle you real hard... well, then I might start to see how much potential there is for you to maybe start to learn how to feel tickling enough. The way I like it.
Don't worry about it. I'll show you. No rush.
Okay. Here. Some water.
That? It's a cigarette. Yes you will. Because I say so.
You don't have time for a cigar, because I want to feather your cock for a long time. I think you need to cum. Yes. This is the money shot. So to speak.
This is your chance to show me what you got, Steve. When I finally get you off, the next ten minutes will tell it all.
I'm feeling confident. You have promise...
Smoke it. Tap. I'm going to - yes, I tap your chest, I point at the cigarette. And you better smoke up. I'm not kidding around here.
Yeah. You look good. With a short Camel hanging out of your mouth. I like it. That's all that counts...
It's a trade-off. The good news is, since you were in such great shape when I caught ya, I feel pretty sure you can smoke. And still advance in your ticklishness. It's an endless pursuit, Steve. No upper limit. Not really.
So - smoking is bad, usually, 'cause it delays things. You still feel it harder, and harder, but not as fast as you would if you didn't smoke.
But I definitely like what I'm putting you through.
We'll see how this next blazing, screaming lap goes. I'll lean on ya hard. And if I think you've got what it takes...
Yeah. Personally, I think so. Camels. Real badass. Steve likes them Camels. Almost as much as his cigars. Yeah, you better get used to that too.
Alright, buddy. Last drag. Go for it. Yup. I'll take that, thank... you.
Here they are. Oh yeah? Well, the more you shake your head, the longer this round is gonna last.
I'll just get 'em wrapped around you -
Shake that head. Just keep shaking it. You dog.
Extra tickling, coming up. I'm gonna push you into the next dimension. I will. And tomorrow's gonna be even better.
Yeah. I am. I'm tickling you again.
Laughing? I haven't seen that in a while. Yeah, sure, knock yourself o- Whoa, hey. I was kidding. Just kidding. You haven't had a cigarette in a while, huh? Alright, you done coughing now? You sure?
Then - laugh. Real hard, Steve, ol' buddy, you ticklish iron-man, you. Laugh like it helps you take it. Laugh like it'll make me back off.
You know better than that.
I have big, hard... long plans for you.
You lay there and laugh like it's showing me some small part of the endless blast of tickling sensation you're getting hammered with, deep inside.
And if I'm enjoying myself enough, I'll let you come - just so I can shove that tickling floodgate all the way open.
Laugh, Steve. And feel it so much more.
Water. Yes. You like water, don't you?
Now -
Hold it. Right... there.
Stop and remember what I did to you last night.
You do not want to take me on, Steve. Take it.
Here. I got you a lighter... 'cause you're a smoker now.
Okay. Looking good, there. After that last round, I decided. Yes. You're going to get where I want you to be. It's just going to take a little longer.
And that, dude, is A-OK with me.
It was going to take a hell of a long time, anyway.
I'm gonna go for it.
So. You smoke Camels now. You're gonna get hooked. And I'll be tickling. You can do both at once. Feel what I'm doing to you, and do some serious smokin', at the same time. Well, sometimes.
You leave that to me. I'll keep plenty of Camels around. And cigars.
We'll spend a lot of time together.
Right here...
This? Well, I thought you'd recognize it. Iggy's basement.
Blankets over the windows, so nobody can get nosy. Spoil our fun.
And it'll be a whole lot of fun. Count on me.
You're staying right here, and I'll gonna have me more and more fun -
This basement is all yours. You could use some furniture. I got it covered.
Tickling furniture. And fixtures. Made for overdrive tickling.
Wait 'til you see, Steve. You'll shit.
I'm the intruder, and I took charge around here.
You are my captive. And that's what you're going to stay, dude.
I believe in long-term... everything.
So I moved you, because I want you hidden good. Locked in. When I think of how much tickling I'm going to put you through! And how much more you're gonna feel it...
Anyway. The basement, and the spare mattress, just for you. What, were you thinkin' you could stay in Iggy's bed forever? It's his bed.
His room.
You're not an upstairs guy.
And your car is next to Ig's truck now. Stashed away. I had to reorganize the whole garage...
You moved in to Iggy's house, Steve. And nobody knows it. Except you.
And me.
That's how it works.
Iggy needs his room.
Have another smoke. Now. Okay. So you wonder where the hell Ig's at, and you come over. And you got a key! Just walk right in.
If, say, an intruder was already in here...
Tickling the fuck out of a guy - all day long - before you come in and raid the beer...
That intruder's got a real problem.
Or... an opportunity.
So maybe you don't see anybody when you look around the house... because you don't look hard enough. Another guy could have been... oh, I don't know... stuck in the closet. Of Ig's bedroom. Gagged real well.
You set your ass down, and fire up a cigar - one of my
cigars, I might add - you're welcome - and you'd never know if there was a guy in Iggy's closet, getting tickled. And tickled. By an intruder. One that likes to show guys how to feel a thousand times more tickling than they
did before it caught up with 'em...
And when you go to take a leak, maybe that guy gets a blanket thrown over him...
Hauled downstairs...
But that was when you walked into Ig's room. And I tied you up.
Can you imagine? If I spent all day having fun - to have you
walk in that night? Sit there and have a cigar. Even get up and pee, so I can free up the bedroom for ya... Throw a new sheet over Iggy's bed. A sheet which you mess up, by the way. You shit the bed. But I brought sheets. Oh yes I did. They're... you know, say it with me now - satin sheets! Under your ass, tomorrow. Real soon.
So maybe a guy was in the basement, sleeping it off. With earplugs - or toilet paper and tape, in this case, since Iggy didn't have real earplugs. So he wouldn't hear you...
I didn't bring earplugs, Steve. Hey, you're ready for another smoke. Go.
No way would I have hoped to catch two guys at once. Not without hauling 'em out to the boonies. What a great deal. I intrude on Iggy... I also get you.
And your voice went before anybody outside got wise. So I switched you guys after you finally conked out. He's upstairs... you're here.
While you sleep, I'm kicking his ass.
He needs more sleep than... than I'm gonna allow you to get. So you get... more... tickling.
How long can I pull this off, dude? Huh? That's the big question. I gotta give it a try.
So you gotta give it a try. So does he.
And, I kid you not, if I can only grab one of you before some fuckin' landlord lets himself in here... it's gonna be you. I'm serious.
But hey, you enjoy that smoke. I got it covered. Whatever you need, the intruder's on top of it. Even better - even better! Can you believe it? It gets better than having both of you guys laid out. Twenty-four hour tickling, almost...
I caught another break. You're gonna like this..
No. I'm not gonna tell ya. You'll find out.
Let's just say... Nobody's going to get nosy enough to come inside for a while. A long-ass while. Heh. We'll see.
Won't we, Steve?
Okay. Drink up. I'll feed you soon...
But not right now.
You know what I'm gonna do now. With these. Oh hell, get used to it. I know I am. You're getting tickled harder today, buddy. And I just know you're up to it.
Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Here they go.
Feel it, Steve. Go ahead. Wiggle around. I've got you tied right. Oh, really, you find this funny? Insanely funny?
Not even close. You're gonna think this is nothing, later on - and I mean much later.
I'll get you up to speed. Feel it harder, dude. I get to tickle you until... I say you're done. That's why I'm the intruder, and you're finding so fuckin' much to laugh about.
You're here until you feel it as much as I want you to... And that's so damn much tickling, I can't believe it myself.
Let's have a great fuckin' time, Steve. This basement is your ultimate tickling retreat. I got you.
If you know you're my captive, laugh now. Yup. And if you know this tickling is only going to increase - laugh now. Nothing will get in the way of all this tickling, will it? Laugh real hard if you follow me...
That's right. You know it.
Time for a treat.
Here it is.
This... is oil. Uh-huh!
All for you, buddy.
Back among the living, huh?
Notice anything different?
Exciting... Or should I say, arousing? You seem to like 'em, Steve.
You like the color? How much they... shine? Nothing but the best for you, dude.
Satin sheets. Jet-black satin. I got a case of 'em. Let's keep this fine satin under you, whenever you're lying down. Which is gonna be... a lot.
Now, that works for me.
I was getting real tired of massaging the welts on your wrists. Rope just doesn't work, for the long-haul. Am I right?
These badass mutherfuckers are much better. They go with your jacket, Steve. Not that you're going to wearing it any time soon. But I figured, hey, you like leather. You'll get used to these.
Look at 'em. They're just better for you, dude, all the way around. There is no way you're getting up. Not 'til I take 'em off.
And I can take better care of your ankles this way, when you're sleeping. Resting up for more. I spend a lot of time on your wrists and ankles... and your backside. I am not gonna let anything go wrong. No bedsores allowed. No damaged skin. Zero.
These cuffs are... just what the intruder ordered.
What do you think?
It's padding.
When I get the ceiling finished, I'm gonna do the walls.
Got darker in here... in your basement.
I gotta say, dude, it was work all the hassle.
It's like being in a box of satin, isn't it? Steve's chamber. No in-out privileges.
Track lights. Twenty-five watt bulbs. Nice and dim - and they're only on that one wall.
Take another drag... that's it. Kick it out. See? See that? The way the smoke sorta drifts up? I like the was it makes the satin look, on the walls. And the whole room's got smoke in it, like that. But you only get to see it there. Yeah. When you stare like that, I'm glad I went to all the trouble.
Still got the overhead light. Or we can do it like this. Damn. I crack myself up. It's like a cave, isn't it? Some real fuckin' kinky... cave. In Ig's basement. Your room.
There's not another room like this anywhere, I bet.
Really sets the tone - I mean, I'm gettin' ideas. Buddy. Trapped in a cave like this. A private club, just for me - and you. Steve's place.
And the way you're feeling it, when I tickle you... feeling it harder, and harder... I know you're worthy of a cave like this.
Hey. You up?
Take a look.
You like?
They're made to order.
Oh, fuck yeah. Look at 'em. Darker than the walls... no, wait, it's the finish. It's duller than the satin.
Thick, aren't they?
These are the real deal, Steve. See, there's stocks that are just for looks. Reproductions. Old-style stocks. And then, there's stocks that are really supposed to hold somebody...
But most of 'em aren't worth shit. There's some interesting designs, but they're only gonna do the job if the dude's going along. If he doesn't want to get out of 'em. Not really.
I had to hunt around for these.
These are gonna hold you.
The angles are figured real carefully. Where your hands should be, with your legs way out. How to position the butt-straps so you can sit there all day. All week...
I wanted real durable stocks. Obviously. And something you could be stuck in and not get sore. I mean, your bones and shit, dude. No stiff neck when you're locked in these babies. Your feet will be up, just enough, so your legs don't cramp up. Or fall asleep.
And the wrist-holes are tapered - aw, these are gonna work out so great!
I'm gonna take your smoke away, and tickle you real hard for a couple hours. I want to get you worn out, so you can't lift a finger, and put you in those stocks. Lock 'em down.
So let's get you some oil. Now, I don't blame you. Stare at 'em all you want. I got 'em for you.
No more big white pills. Nope. You don't need 'em now. They're antibiotics.
You take your vitamins... a little speed, later on. And that's it.
I have a feeling I'll like the testosterone patches on ya. Not as much as you'll probably like the Marinol. That's pot, Steve. The active ingredient from good pot, in a pill. THC.
You know why I can save 'em for later? Put 'em off? Fun shit like that?
It's because I know you're a healthy captive. You were healthy, before. Strong.
And you're still not flagging. You've adapted, buddy. I think maybe your immune system likes the tickling.
You thrive on it.
Most guys do, if they're handled correctly. The other guy, the one upstairs... I had my doubts. But he sailed past the two-week mark too.
You, I was sure about. Right away. Throw down a couple antibiotics, and you're okay. Both of you are past the point where captives get sick, from the ef
fects of the tickling. Worn down. If they can't cut it, I know well before now.
If they make it this far, like you did... They can just keep on feeling more and more of it.
Your innards are used to the tickling, Steve.
Kinda... expecting it.
Whatcha thinking about?
Wait. Let me answer that for you. Here.
That's it. Steve's buckled down to his mattress. Hours and hours of fun yet to go.
I wanna tickle your sides. Oh yeah. This is hardcore. You're concentrating so much more than you used to...
So let's just give you some feathers to keep track of. Way down there. Arch. Arch real hard.
I got you more of those cuffs. You know why?
I'll bet you don't. Do you know how long you've been here? Any idea?
Tomorrow, it'll be five weeks.
Has it been wild enough for you?
I say... no. Not by a long shot.
I'm in a real good mood. The power's still on. You ever wonder about that, dude? Why the power's still on? Why the landlord hasn't shown up and looked down here?
You ever heard of Webremit? Didn't think so. Ig never told you, I guess. He paid all his bills with it. All his bills, Steve. I got his passwords...
And I did something nice for ol' Iggy. Yes, I did. If it wasn't for me, I think an eviction notice would be heading this way.
One thing - well, heh, another thing - I know how to do, real well... is hack. I've been busy. I've been one busy intruder. Now don't think I\rquote
m complaining, 'cause I'm not. I don't know how I could have possibly done better, than this place. Great timing.
Oh. The bills. I've been bringing in t
he mail, so nobody starts wondering. I've even taken out the trash every week. And, believe me, you don't want it stinking up the place. It reeks. So I got Iggy's bills, and his Webremit account. All he needed was money.
Five grand was enough, to start.
I paid everything. I even paid the rent a month ahead. Isn't that a hoot?
Did you know... Steve... that the guy who owns this house lives out of state? Isn't that perfect? He sends e-mail to Iggy. Iggy e-mails him back...
From what I can see, he doesn't come around here much. Iggy replaced the hot water heater himself, last year - you remember that? - and mailed him the bill. The landlord, he thanks him, and reduced the next month's rent by that much.
That guy never calls Iggy. I don't think he's been by here in a couple years. It's a five hundred mile drive, and he said something about a bad back...
Nobody calls anymore. I changed the phone number. That first couple weeks, his boss kept trying. His stepmom. Some drunk guy named Raleigh called once, and a woma
n with a real sexy voice. Leeta? Lena. Something like that. Too bad Iggy didn't check his messages.
I changed the number... and nobody calls now.
The mailman, the lawn care guy... the meter reader... a couple salespeople. Jehovah's witnesses, one time. Nobody answered the door. I was busy...
There's the trash truck, but those dudes never set foot on the driveway.
I've kept you here for five weeks - and nobody knows. Still. Isn't that a trip?
The neighbors keep to themselves 'round here. If I keep quiet, and the lawn gets mowed, they don't care. They don't stick their nose where it doesn't belong.
I guess the mail carriers are trained, a little. Look for signs of somebody, I don't know, stuck in their tub, shit like that. But I keep bring the mail in like clockwork. Move the doormat around a little. I even took a broom and swept off the front steps once. And the walkway. Make the place look live somebody lives here. Good thing it doesn't snow much.
And dude... oh, dude. When I rub your thighs and your crotch like this, I'd definitely say you're alive. The wild life for Steve, here.
I think I'm going to drop another five grand in Ig's account. Why not.
I got a story, all ready to go. Hey, mister landlord, I got an inheritance. And I've always wanted to do this... So I'm sending you a couple more months' rent, up front. If that's okay.
And I think it will be. Yeah, I don't think there's a chance in hell we're going to see the landlord use his spare key.
So your life is gonna stay wild, buddy.
It's getting a lot wilder.
You just don't know when to quit. I like that in a captive...
That rack, up against the satin on the walls, is just beautiful. Mr. Universe couldn't get down off that thing. And the way it supports your ankle-cuffs, here - and these pads. I never get tired of seeing you up there, smokin' away.
And you know what these are for...
Hold on to it. Don't you drop it on my gloves. I - okay. You can smoke and feel this, and... this - oh yeah, and these too! All at the same time. This is nothing.
You're still fun. My kind of investment.
I can't let you down now.
Okay. Here's the deal. I keep looking at that empty bedroom...
It bugs me. I don't like it. Empty, like that.
I've gotta be nuts, to think what I'm thinking. No way it'll ever work. But you know what? I would've said that about you. This place you got here.
You were a spur-of-the-moment thing, and now... look at you. Buddy. All that hair. Are you a guy or a girl? Strong as a locomotive. You smoke like one, too.
And you're feeling it more... and more. I can tell. You're my favorite captive, Steve.
Some other guys I could name, well... shit. I guess they suffer by comparison. 'Cause you just suffer so much. It's like a drug, tickling you.
The chances of adding a third guy... and pulling it off. It's crazy.
But if I just had somebody half as rewarding as you... Hell, a quarter.
In that... bedroom...
I got the padding up. Blocked the window. Just to see what it would look like. I know, but that's what I told myself.
Your old mattress is in there. This one supports your back a lot better, and your neck. And it's deep. I know all you see is the sheets, already on. That ol' black magic. Satin magic for you... dude.
It looked like a fine start, for keeping some ticklish dude busy. Many months.
So all I'd need to do is get him inside, and lock the door.
This is nuts. I can't do this. Alright, you wanna know? The big reason why? I'm not going to shortchange you. You're just too ticklish to pass up. I'm not going to let a basket case like you get away...
From the tickling, I mean. This tickling. Tonight's festivities. From all my gloves.
I know, I know. Can't tickle you forever. But if you think I'm dumb enough to cut you loose, so I can try some... untested dude, you're crazier than I am. And I don't mean that tickled-silly fever you're in. Oh no.
But there's one thing. I doubt it'll work.
In order to spend time with you, I got creative. Went out and found some great tools. Robots, buffers. They gave me some ideas, so I tried my hand at making a few things. They work okay.
I tried 'em out upstairs. And that freed me up, Steve. It was like getting a couple extra hours every day... to nuke your armpits. Like this. Oh. Really. So you approve.
I get the guy... strap him down real well. Oil him up. And position the spinning discs and belts just right. Set the robots around him. Damn, I need more robots...
Right where they can get their little glove-tips on him. I have some foot programs that would kick your ass, Steve. Torso-programs. It's a rush, watching the robots when I got the programs right. Watch 'em make a dude howl. Maybe add a couple more feathers on those sweaty nuts of his, while they rock on and on.
They don't appreciate the results, but I do. I get to be down here, tickling and pumping, and I can rest easy. They're upstairs.
Double the fun.
They pulled off a lot, at first. I told 'em to stop and signal me if they weren't sure. I threw 'em every curve I could think of, updated the programs...
Now I can leave 'em to their work for the whole afternoon. They never
fail me. Instead of doing something wrong, they shut down and signal me. I even wrote a water program. Feed a dude, start 'em up, and they'll handle the rest breaks and the water bottles.
They're smart - buddy, they're just ruthless. And I think - I don't know yet for sure - but a guy who got tickled mostly by the robots would really shit bricks when I bulldoze him for a couple hours. See what I mean?
That's the only way I could take on another captive.
If this works... On a street like this, with all these other people this close... I will be one happy intruder. No lie.
You got a real thing for cigars, there...
Yeah. No more long hair. I sheared you. It was in my way.
I don't think I can fit any more... furniture in here. You've got the perfect collection. It all looks good on ya, Steve. Around ya.
Let's have a real good time tonight. You know what I mean.
I can have a good time with these feet. Oh yeah. Give it up, buddy, it's gonna happen. Another long night, and I'm feeling feisty.
My luck's still holding. I don't believe it, but it is.
I've got a big surprise in the works. And the way my luck is going...
You got no idea. No way you'd know. Not with padding this thick.
I got what I wanted.
Not my first choice, but that's okay. He was too chubby. No endurance, I bet. And he was smart...
There have been more visitors to Iggy's place this month. Delivery guys.
I order stuff, over the net, and tell 'em to leave it on the porch. Or just inside the garage - did you know, you can order mattresses now? Without seeing or talking to anybody?
So I stocked up on toys. All the overnight delivery services. I brought 'em out three, four times apiece, and had 'em on the porch. Close enough to grab.
But I know better than that. Don't I? You know. If anybody knows. I'm one smart intruder.
Can't have the truck out there all night. Nowhere to hide it. I had to get my captive to volunteer... for one long-haul tickle orgy. Like you did.
No evidence to like 'em with Ig's house. Nothing as obvious as a big brown truck...
And I wanted to see if I could get the dude to walk through the door - and close it behind him. I'd be right there, to shoot the deadbolts. And, say hello to my new buddy. Hey, how ya doin', you're going to be my captive tonight. Starting tonight, ending... heh.
So I needed a guy who was not too bright. Buff, I hoped. Not afraid of a few cigarettes, or a fifth of whiskey. You know how I like to see you feeling all that banzai tickling when you're drunk...
Free rent. Free food. Just c'mon in here.
I left 'em notes.
One guy - hauling a mattress up the driveway, all by himself - I thought he was the one. He studied the note for two whole smokes. And the picture. A real nice set of tits, terrific legs. I stole the photo from a teenage kid two streets over. Made me some copies...
This incredible hussy, saying she'd been watching him. The way he moved. Oh, how she wanted to fuck his lights out. Come back after ten. Park on the next street. Let yourself in. I'll be waiting. I absolutely, positively mean it. And, most impor
tant... don't tell a soul. I want you. And so on. Pure crap. You, or Ig, would've read it again and set it back down where. No thanks.
He took the note, so I was ready for him. But he didn't show.
And I could picture him, laid out there. And I'd get to see if, hmmmm, maybe he's gonna laugh if I take a couple satin fingers and rub him right... here.
Or here. Or around here - oh, boy. You like that, Steve? My little demo? Then I'm going to just keep it up. Whether you want me to or not. Yeah. There you go.
Well... I stalked that guy. Watched him. I wanted that guy, inside.
But the risk was too great.
I almost went fishing on the internet, then. Too many variables...
So I'd come down here, and tickle you harder instead. I do my best thinking when I'm pulling out all the stops.
And three days later, I tried to reel in a pizza guy.
You know how weird that is, right? Even though I was ordering the pizzas on the net. Paying in advance. Telling 'em, be sure to leave it on the porch. And don't knock. The rookies, the newer delivery people, they knocked anyway. But there's so much padding. You sure as hell didn't notice.
He took the note with him. Drove off...
And walked back up the driveway, around ten-thirty.
I unlocked the front door, nice and quiet. Cracked it open the least little bit.
Too skinny. Of course, I'm used to you, and somebody else who's getting a little, uh, flabby. But this new guy has a high energy level, artificial or otherwise. One way to find out.
He stood out front, there, and smoked real hard. I tell ya. He even took a shower before he came over. All ready to get some. That dude was lookin' to get laid.
Laid out.
He put his hand on the doorknob. I had a dozen gloves and a bandanna all ready, above the door...
With a last big drag on that cigarette of his, he let himself in.
And the door, Steve - it seemed to take a full fuckin' minute to close. Hurry up, hurry up, shut it already! It was all I could do to keep from latching on to his ribs, under his coat. Right where he stood.
But it finally clicked shut. And I turned the locks. Captive number three, reporting for duty.
I was so fuckin' relieved.
Got him.
The door wasn't going to open now. I'd see to that.
He didn't even get a chance to yell, before I jumped him.
One whoop, like a startled dog - and I had the gag in there, tying down.
He's a thrasher. He hates it. Tickling. So I tickled him harder. Right there, by the front door.
I tested him good. Took his shoes off. his coat, his shirt. And, overall, I was not disappointed.
When he was tired enough, I slowed the action way down, and stood him up. The gloves carried him slowly out of the living room, down the hall...
Iggy's room is padded, too.
The pizza guy got closer and closer to his doom. I enjoyed that. A lot. The way he squirmed, and hooted. He wanted me to - change my mind. Can you believe it? Him, telling me to stop?
One little light was on, when he was still outside his tickle-cave. I had it aimed at the mattress. In he went. Very unwilling, buddy, let me tell you.
But I didn't care. I made him go to his room.
When he was through the door - when I could slam the door, if I wanted to - I turned on the overhead light.
Dig this. I got him a rack, too. It's ready and waiting. Full spread of restraints, around the mattress - and that sweet black satin, smooth as I am, already in place.
The hanging straps - like yours, there - were installed. The stirrup-chair, which you get such a charge of, was in the corner. Six of my robots. All just waiting their turn.
He took all of this in, and laughed harder. Enormous eyes, Steve.
I shut the door behind him.
Got his jeans off. Cuffs on. Down and delirious now. Such a charge, when they still hope they can escape me if they just thrash hard enough. As they laugh, of course. You remember. Laughing so hard you just can't pull like you want. So much tickling, buddy. Making it impossible to plan. Am I right? So you dudes fight your restraints, more or less at random. They're only there to help me, and you want to break 'em. But if I allowed that, you might be able to cover an armpit for a few seconds, or a knee - until I anchor the offending limb back down. Which I will do, Steve. Always. I stretch you out because I want you stretched out.
And he's one bare-naked, helpless captive. My leathers won't budge. Pizza dude's in a bad way, right about now.
But I'm not.
I think it's fair to say I have never been this happy.
So let's spread the joy around... Steve.
Brace yourself.
You're gonna laugh - hard - right now, you ticklish son of a bitch.
Like that. Only harder. Now.
I got news. Big news. Laugh along with me.
How was that, buddy? Do you have any idea how much harder that was, than your first night here? Iggy's bedroom. Start of a real good thing...
All those fingers, and I got you feeling it.
Harder than ever.
Let's see. I want you on your back. Flat on the sheets you like so much. Here you go. Hold onto that. Smoke it. I'm gonna get you a lot more smokes. I may get you a whole case.
You catching on? No. You're in your own ticklish world. Let me just... uh, hold on to your passport for a while. Stay in Steve's Place, it's a riot.
Cuffed. And spread. I'm going to oil you again... because you've got me in a mood to celebrate.
I only thought I was happy, the night the pizza guy came to live here.
Oil for your feet. Oh, it's gonna blow your fuckin' mind. The news. And how hard I wanna celebrate. Oil ya up.
Here's some water. Dude, are you ever gonna need it...
And another smoke. Now you got it. That's the look for you. Steve, of Steve's Place. Yeah. Just a couple more minutes. I'll be done oiling you. And then I'm going to tickle you harder than I've ever tickled you before.
Such overly ticklish legs. And that cock of yours, well...
Oiling your hips. Rub it into that frighteningly sensitive ass. Let's double up the oil there.
Just stay put, and I'll do you up right. Tummy. Ribs - cut it out. This isn't tickling. Get real. I'm just laying down the oil, which you like... so much.
Gotta pour it in your armpits...
Pecs, and neck, and face. Yeah. Oh, I'll work around the cigarette, don't worry about it. Up your arms, down your arms.
You know... I want an extra coat on your sides.
There.
All nice and slippery. Except for the cuffs. They aren't gonna budge, Steve. Have they ever?
Now I'm gonna get me the thick rubber gloves. The black ones. I like the way you look at 'em. Perfect fingers. I know my fingerwork. You know it, from the other side.
You're going to get a lot more of it.
I still can't believe it! Do you know how many people have set foot on the property, here, since I intruded my way into your life? Other than delivery guys. Or the gardeners. Non-invited people, you could say. Unexpected people.
Guess how many.
Eight.
None of 'em knew Iggy. None came back.
That's not even one a month... Steve.
Nobody calls.
Nobody's curious enough to get off their ass and come here. Peek in the windows, even. The living room and the kitchen look just the same.
I boarded over the bedroom windows, with the miniblinds down. They look normal enough. No clue... all that tickling going on. None at all.
But nobody comes! Was Iggy that unpopular? I mean, you're his friend. A real buddy. You came over to check on him.
And stayed.
You're gonna stick around, Steve. Right here. Oh, yeah. Why would you wanna leave? It's your house.
Your... house.
It took me a while, but I talked the landlord into it. He sold it to Iggy.
Iggy turned around and sold it to you. He paid cash, you paid cash. And I opened a new Webremit account. Posing as you.
I mean, It's only fair. You're the reason I tricked it out like this. You're that much fun, buddy, You really are.
All your stuff is already in the garage.
Yeah. It's been there since last winter. Every scrap of your life that I could find...
I have so much more tickling to make you feel.
Locked in the garage. Yep.
I pulled Iggy's truck out and donated it to a charity. Skin disorders, I think. You can appreciate that. They took my e-mail, a written authorization - from Iggy, they thought - and the title, which I signed, in his place.
Ig's name is off it. The title. I went to the state website and looked it up. One more computer that doesn't have his address in the active file.
But things are active in here. Aren't they? Gonna stay that way.
You own Steve's Place. Yeah. They never even saw you. All I had to do was fill out the paperwork and mail it in. I poked around some websites, and found me a real dishonest building inspector. Two grand in cash, sent through the mail, and he filed a good report - not too good. A very ordinary report. No red flags on Steve's Place, uh-uh.
That inspection was recent enough that it was okay for the last sale. From Iggy, to you.
Those overworked employees in the assessor's office are happy. They like friendly e-mails, and paperwork that's right the first time. Makes 'em let down their guard. Did you know, for instance, that they don't have the manpower to do random appraisals on residential parcels? I didn't. That was the last big concern I had.
They threw a little extra something your way, just 'cause you'd been so nice. Oops. This one lady told me, and I have the e-mail upstairs... Sometimes we hit the wrong key. Type in the wrong year. How clumsy of us. Someone would usually be out to visually inspect the property every three years.
Not for you, buddy. As if three years wasn't long enough.
Three more years with me... Now that's beyond crazy.
So was nabbing the pizza guy. Huh.
Everybody thinks he ran off to California. Gonna be a rock star...
You know what the nice lady at the assessor's office did? In their computer?
She made it so there won't be anybody out here, wanting to get inside... for four years.
Four long years.
I get so excited I can't stand it. Even if I let you go, I got me a home for deserving captives here. But you don't have to worry. You got a right to live in your own house. Four years.
It's final. You own it. I checked everything. Triple-checked. Everything is in order.
If the county comes up with some reason to bother us, what do you wanna bet I can't throw money at 'em - with Webremit - and make 'em stay away?
And you're such a conscientious fucker. You know that? They all think so. Your property taxes, the water bill, the trash pickup, the gardener... all paid up in advance.
A year in advance.
I think you're good for it. No - I know you're good for it. I've already decided.
Red-hot tickling. On the increase. Always... more to feel.
If I don't set the house on fire, you're really gonna get it. One year, times four... that's four years.
Wouldn't that be cool?
Right here, in Steve's Place? With me turning up the heat...
Making it last. I mean - four years! I just can't bel-
That's it. I'm gonna bust if I don't tickle something. You.
All that oil - coming off now. The hard way. The long, fun way.
More gloves. I think - twenty. That's a good number. Rub it off as skillfully as I can. The other guys got a good three hours before the robot cycle ends. And they're celebrating, too. No doubt about it.
Give me your cigarette.
Rub it right off, and oil you back up. We're gonna feel some tickling now. From now on.
Homeowner dude. You're turned into a real privacy freak. I've gotten to know the neighbors. They won't bug us.
All three of you...
And you made it happen. Yes you did. If you weren't so damn much fun -
Just keep it coming. Can I count on you?
Sure I can. You're a soft touch. Even when unexpected intruders drop in.
And I never did know when it's time to leave.
I'm wrapping all these hands around my favorite places on ya.
You ready?
Counting on you, buddy. Another year. Give it to me, Steve.
Let's get serious about the tickling.