By Kinkabella
Archived Here With Her Kind Permission

Monday, May 09, 2005

I used to view online "relationships" with a large degree of skepticism, especially when it came to cybering. For me, the whole concept of it just seemed so silly and laughable that I couldn't for a second ever imagine I could take it seriously. It's not that I didn't try it a few times with different people. I did, but invariably I found myself bored to death by the whole experience. I think what I found most irritating, aside from men who messaged me out of the blue and expected I should drop everything and suddenly begin obeying them, was the way so few people actually took the time to consider what I might like to get out of the interaction.

What I found myself most wanting was to establish some kind of a connection -- a mental connection -- like that which must first occur in real life before I will submit to anybody. For this to happen, I have to believe the other person is really interested in me and will understand that my sub-space isn't a place I can be pushed into. I have to be seduced into going there. Not necessarily in a romantic way but rather in the same way as Alice found her way down the rabbit hole. To be lured into a position where, once the descent begins, there's no way of retreating. In many ways it's probably more difficult to do this in an online setting than it is in reality, but this for me is something that can make cybering all the more rewarding if everything is done right.

Right now I am looking down that rabbit hole with a man I met online a few months ago. How I came to be here is a story in itself but in the interests of keeping my journal a current account of things going on in my life, I'll save the details of that for another time. Enough to say at this stage that I have, for the first time ever online, accepted his collar, agreed to be his virtual slave and call him Master.

In real life I'm happily married, as is my Master, and neither of us have entered into this arrangement without the full knowledge and support of our partners. In my own case, my husband and I used to enjoy a fairly active life in the kink scene but for all sorts of reasons which I'm not going to bore you with here we've opted out. In the past my husband has himself "given me away" to other dominants in the scene and in a sense this is exactly what is happening again with my new Master. The main difference this time is many of the rules I and others played to in the past have now been removed and perhaps I, more than anybody, is interested in testing the extent of my limits.

It's a nonsense to say I have "no limits" although it is a fact they are beyond those my husband had imposed on me in the past. Insofar as my submission goes, I'd also say I'm probably what you might call more passive than submissive and as such prefer to let my experiences be dictated by serendipity and happenstance. My Master recognized this almost immediately and has since used dice and other games of chance when playing with me. It was as a result (or consequence, even) of one of these games that I was forced to offer him the name of a real life friend who might act as his proxy in dominating me. There was a number of names I could have offered, not the least being my husband, but ultimately I had to choose a man who I will simply call Steve.

I used to work with Steve back when my husband and I were active in the kink scene. It was always the source of tantalizing fantasies that I might one day be outed to Steve and indeed, that eventually came to pass and the circumstances surrounding that day remain as fresh and arousing in my mind today as they did then. During the brief few months in which Steve was allowed to play with me, I was stripped and bound numerous times by him as well as spanked, teased and tormented, all under the watchful eye of either my husband or a Mistress friend of ours. In one particularly humiliating encounter, Steve had me bound naked and kneeling at his feet while he masturbated right under my nose. When he ejaculated, he did so all over my face and breasts. It was a perversely pleasurable moment he never let me forget, although in private he admitted he would have preferred it if he'd been allowed to cum in my mouth.

Such were the rules my husband dictated at the time. Steve was never allowed to penetrate me in any way, although he did manage to sneak a vibrator into my pussy a couple of times without my husband noticing or me saying anything. Actually, I suspect Steve might have been given more freedoms with me if the games we played had been continued, but circumstances changed and I lost touch with him. Until now.

My Master has been talking for weeks about reuniting me with Steve. I've discussed it at length with my husband, especially my desire to submit in whatever way Master wants and without supervision or interferrence from my husband. Naturally, hubby was reluctant at first to agree to this and there's always the chance he could call a stop to everything if he changes his mind, but for now, I am completely in the hands of my Master.

The first real challenge set by Master was for me to email Steve and determine whether or not he would agree to acting in Master's stead. In my dreams, reuniting with Steve was never this formal and I imagined myself simply arriving unexpected and naked on his doorstep with ropes in hand. However, it had been a couple of years since I last saw him and there were real-life considerations, such as the possibility he might have gotten himself into a new relationship (he was single and divorced when I knew him) or even moved house, or whatever. Anyway, I wrote to him last Friday, not saying much but making clear the purpose of my mail, and his reply came back with a resounding YES!