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Ryan Sylander
Looking Through The Lens http://www.asstr-mirror.org/files/Authors/ryansylander/www/ Chapter 16: Fool in the Rain
Heather was coming for dinner! When I told Melissa the next morning, she didn’t seem surprised. “I know just what to make!” was the first thing she said. I got the distinct feeling that she had anticipated my invitation of Heather. I wondered if Lara had been talking to my mom, since she seemed to be making more of a deal about it than when Julie came over to eat. Then again, Julie had been eating with us for as long as I could remember, ever since we started coming to Montauk. So when I was together with Julie, it didn’t really change anything. But this was different. I even had to admit that. I wasn’t about to confess to anyone that I wanted to be with Heather, and that I really was wooing her. But as usual, Melissa could probably see through my ruse, just as Heather had the day before when I had innocently invited her for dinner. Maybe I should just ask my mom what’s going to happen, I thought, since she always seems to know what’s going on before I do. “Unless you want to cook. Girls like that,” Mom said casually. “Um, like I said yesterday, we’re just friends,” I insisted. “Do you two want to sit out on the porch, alone? Candles would be nice.” I looked at her and rolled my eyes. “Sorry. Who’s cooking then?” she asked, wiping the mischief from her voice. Her eyes always held mischief, though; there was no removing it from them. “You, if you don’t mind; I have no idea what to make.” “All right. I could use some help though,” she hinted. I eyed my mom. It seemed like she was making herself an opportunity for teasing, or prying. Or both. But she was agreeing to make dinner, so at least I could help some. “Okay, I guess making all that extra food for Heather will take that much more work, so I’ll help,” I said exaggeratedly. “Let’s go to the store then,” she said cheerily. “Right now?” “Well, would you rather go after dinner? Or maybe tomorrow, after she’s left?” I chuckled. “What are we making?” “A new recipe I’m thinking of for the resort.” “Cool.” That was one nice thing about having a chef for a Mom. She tried stuff out on us. We rarely complained.
Surprisingly, my mom didn’t pry or tease the whole time we were out. The shopping was enjoyable. I watched as she picked out corn, wild mushrooms, and turnips, explaining what she was looking for. Red and yellow peppers, green onions, shallots, a couple of tomatoes, a celery heart, some thyme, and a bunch of fresh basil went into the cart. She sent me to fill a bag with loose walnuts, while she waited on three pounds of squid and six halibut steaks. “Thought it best if we didn’t get these at Martin’s. Heads up,” she said with a grin, tossing me the package of fish across a display of cocktail sauce and lemons. “Now, a couple of French baguettes,” she said. What’s gotten into her, I wondered with a small smile.
When we got home, we got to work. First we were going to have a simple calamari salad, she announced. “That means cleaning the squids, unfortunately. Here, I’ll show you.” My mom handed me a knife and we worked at the counter for a while cleaning the slimy squids. After removing the quills, we separated the heads, removed the skin and beak, and chopped the white meat into rings. She had me cut up the raw vegetables while she boiled a mix of water and white vinegar on the stove. When the water was roiling, I dumped the squids in. “Don’t let them be in there more than a few minutes, or they get rubbery.” We watched the squid rings start to shrink. “Okay, done!” “That’s it?” “Mm-hmm. Pour them into the colander in the sink.” I hope Heather likes this, I thought, eyeing the squids. “All right, we’ll let those cool. Let’s get a dressing together.” She had me mix it: olive oil, a little white wine vinegar, salt, the green onions (sliced on the extreme diagonal), and several garlic cloves sliced paper thin. She rolled two lemons across the counter at me. “Squeeze those in. Try not to let any seeds in. Then choose some nice large basil leaves from that bunch. Slice them into long strips.” I looked at Melissa. I’d never seen her at work. Now I knew a little what she really did. She was in her chef’s hat, metaphorically, and in her element. I was glad I had given her an excuse to make a nice meal. Not that our regular meals were bad, but this was looking like a really special meal. I worked fast, but carefully. For the basil, I sliced the leaves into thin V’s across the stem. My mom chuckled when she saw them. “Nice! Maybe you should come work as a cook at the resort. Throw the veggies and squids in with the dressing and mix it up.” She cleaned up some dishes, while I watched. The vibrant colors of the peppers, tomatoes, basil and celery, began to blend in with the pearly white calamari. If nothing else, the dish looked alive with color. “How is it?” she asked. “Should I try it?” “Well, of course! How else will you know if it’s right?” I took a fork and scooped some of the salad up. It tasted quite good, but was missing… something. “It’s a bit soft,” I said. “Needs more edge.” My mom tried a bite. “Yeah. Here, another half of a lemon should do it.” I squeezed the lemon in, and tasted again. “Good!” We set the salad in the fridge to chill until dinner. “We’ll make the main meal later. Let’s soak these walnuts in water,” she said. I covered the walnuts with water in a bowl. “Let me help with the dishes,” I offered. “Okay, I’ll wash, you dry. We’ll need all the space we can get later.” I took up the dish towel. “Thanks, Mom,” I said sincerely. Melissa turned her head as she scrubbed the cutting board. “No problem, Matt.” She seemed like she was going to say more, but instead she just smiled at me.
“Ooh, big dinner tonight, huh?” Lara said, as we walked out to the ocean to try and defeat the midday heat. “Yeah, Mom’s making a really nice meal for everyone.” “Cool. What’s on the menu?” “Squid salad, and something she’s making up on the fly, or so she said.” “Nice. Heather would be more impressed if you made something for her, though.” “I am,” I said suddenly. “Mom’s basically having me make everything, I just realized.” “Heh. She must be on to you.” “On to me?” “Trying to win Heather.” I started to protest. “We’re –” “– just friends,” Lara finished. “Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone with that, so you might as well give it up.” I was silent as we waded out. Luckily the waves were low so we could just float and talk. “All right, I’ll admit it,” I finally said. “But I don’t feel a hundred percent good about it.” “Why not?” “Well, why do you think? When I was with Julie, some dude had been trying to take her from me, and he finally did. I don’t like him very much. And now... now I’m that guy.” “Hmm.” “It’s easy to be all excited about the situation when you are in my position. But having been on the other side, I know how much it sucks.” Lara was quiet, thinking, and then she spoke. “But there’s a difference.” “How?” “I don’t know, exactly, but you two are meant to be together. I only talked to her for a few hours yesterday, but it’s so obvious that she wants to be with you.” I felt my spine tingle, even in the chill of the ocean water. “Really?” “Matt, she’s not fooling anyone either.” “But why is she with Bill, then?” “Because she probably thought you blew her off after last year.” “Oh yeah,” I moaned. “This is so messed up!” “Are you willing to do the long distance thing with her?” “Of course. She comes to the Catskills a few times every winter, so it wouldn’t be that bad.” “Then tell her how you feel. She may decide to break up with Bill if she knows you are serious.” “And then I’m a total asshole,” I said glumly. “No, you’re not,” Lara stressed. “Julie cheated on you, then didn’t tell you, and only fessed up when Aunt Beth talked to her. This is different. Yeah, Bill may not be happy about it, but he’s not going to be with Heather forever.” “How do you know?” “I met Bill when he was going out with Julie. He’s not right for Heather,” she said cryptically. I just shrugged, wondering how she could predict so much future from so little past. But Lara’s other words kept echoing in my head. This is different. This is different. “You really think I should tell her?” I asked. “I would. If she blows you off, I’ll... I’ll eat my bathing suit.” I laughed at the image, and then sighed. “Once again, thanks,” I said. Lara smiled. “You’re welcome. I don’t even know why I’m helping you. I almost had you for myself, for a while there anyway.” “Oh, Lara, you’ll always have me,” I said, ignoring the salacious aspect of her comment. “I know,” she said softly. My hand found hers underwater, and we floated quietly for a long time.
Melissa made me head cook for the main dish preparation. Somehow, I had gone from lending a hand, to cooking dinner outright. She sat at the counter, delivering the recipe she had in her head, and helping with the menial tasks like washing vegetables. She concocted some mushroom-halibut-corn dish. It involved pureeing the walnuts, turnips, and corn in the blender with spices, before spreading it out on parchment paper and putting it in the oven on very low heat. She said it would bring out the flavors that way. As we went, she had me try different things, asking for my opinion on the taste. After checking herself, we’d make adjustments. Apart from not drying the mushrooms enough, which made the halibut-mushroom ragout a bit more liquid than she wanted, my mom was satisfied with the first attempt at the dish so far. For dessert, I had picked something simple when we were at the store: berries and cream. It was one of my favorites, so it was an easy choice when we saw the plump raspberries and blueberries at the market. As six o’clock approached, I started feeling nervous. What I’d planned to be a casual invitation was practically a date now. I hoped Heather wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about the situation. Finally the doorbell rang. I had Lara answer the door with me. Luckily the adults were sitting on the porch drinking some wine, so Heather’s entrance wasn’t a “standing room only” event. “Hi Matt, Lara,” Heather said cheerily. “Hey, come in!” I said. I felt giddy. She carried in her camera bag and a tripod, and set it down by the couch. “Smells good!” she said. “Matt cooked today,” Lara said brightly. I nudged her with my elbow. “I helped my mom cook,” I corrected. “I can’t wait to eat,” Heather said, with a knowing smile.
Dinner went really well. No one said anything untoward, and the food was really exquisite. The corn and walnut puree ended up being a polenta, upon which the halibut-mushroom ragout was placed. The flavors were an excellent blend, and Heather was even more impressed when she found out my mom had come up with it. As we finished the last bit of dessert, I sat back and looked around the table. Conversation was lively. The meal had been perfect. Heather caught my eye, and gave me the sweetest of smiles. The rest of the table faded away momentarily. I smiled back, acutely aware of how much I wanted to be with her, and how unattainable she was. I’d been back and forth all day on Lara’s suggestion, but I couldn’t bring myself to risk ruining my friendship with Heather by saying the wrong thing. I had enjoyed the evening with her immensely, but sadly, the night was coming to an end.
“I didn’t know you played guitar,” Heather said. We were on the porch, watching the sunset. She had spotted my guitar leaning against the corner. The dinner party had broken up. My parents and aunt were doing dishes, and Hans was reading in the living room. Lara was out with James, and Heather was leaving soon. It was a Saturday night, so supposedly she’d be going somewhere with Bill. “Yeah, I play some.” “That’s cool. I wish I knew how to play. I do play the flute, but that’s not as much fun as the guitar probably is.” “I don’t know, never played the flute. Do you play in band at school?” “Nah. My folks are Irish, and they play Irish music, so they got me started. I guess they wanted a family band.” “What happened?” “Not enough family, I guess. Or not enough time, really. The fish market takes a lot of time.” “You know, that’s funny. I just remembered that a couple of Irish exchange students might be coming to stay with us.” “Really? When?” “Sometime this school year. After Christmas, I think.” “That’s neat. If we do stay with you during the ski season, maybe we’ll meet them.” I almost choked on the lemonade I had just sipped. She was really considering coming to stay with us! I thought it was just a pipe dream of mine. “Are you all right?” she asked. “Yeah, just swallowed wrong,” I said, still clearing my throat. “Strong lemonade.” “You want to go out and shoot some night photos?” she asked. “Really?” “Yeah, why not?” “I just figured you’d have to go soon.” “No, I don’t have to be home until one.” I almost asked about Bill, but decided that it was her business. “Sure, then. Let’s go,” I said, my spirits brightening significantly. We told my parents we were going out to shoot some pictures, and then I grabbed my camera bag and Heather got hers. I noticed again that she had brought a tripod, so she had planned this outing before she came. What did that mean? As we stepped out into the dusk, I felt a little nervous again. The night was not over, after all. “Oh, bring your guitar.” “Okay,” I said. “I’ll be right back.” I hurried back to the porch and got the case. “Where are we going?” I asked, as I came back out with my guitar bag over one shoulder and the camera over the other. “There’s a park up the road. Let’s go hang out there. I don’t like the sand. It gets in my clothes and itches. Here, let me carry your camera.” “Nah, it’s all right, I got it.” “Okay. That was really a great meal,” she said. “You really cook well.” “Not really. My mom made up the recipe. I was just following orders.” “Well that’s much better than I can do. I’d probably come out with something terrible. I’m not much of a cook.” I laughed. “I doubt it.” “No, seriously, that just doesn’t mesh with me for some reason.” “It’s not hard.” “Neither is fishing, but you’re not too good at it,” she said. “Hey, there’s luck involved there!” I protested. “It just so happens that you have the bigger share of it right now. There’s no luck in cooking.” “All right, true.” We got to the park and sat in the middle of the grassy field. The night was clear and warm. “Play me something,” Heather said amiably. “Um, okay.” I pulled the guitar out of its case. “What do you like?” “What do you play?” “Rock, mostly.” “What bands do you like?” she asked. “Lately I’ve been into this band called Jane’s Addiction.” “Cool! I love them. No one around here really knows them though.” “Do you sing?” I asked. “Yeah, with the radio, or tape player,” she said shyly. “Here’s a song from their album. Don’t laugh at my singing. That’s not really my thing. But I actually learned the words to this song.” I started the song, a simple two-chord riff. “Yeah, I know this one!” she said, scooting closer. After I sang a few lines, Heather joined in. We laughed a few times when we sang different words. She’d gotten the lines mixed up, or I had. “That was fun,” I said, when we finished. “Yeah. You don’t sing bad.” I shrugged. “I don’t really do that in my band, so I don’t practice much.” “What do you play in your band?” “Electric guitar.” “What are you guys called?” “Heh. We don’t really have a name yet. We can’t agree on anything. Not that we really need one yet. We only get together and jam; we don’t play out.” “Do you play any Jane’s in your band?” “No, we play classic rock mostly. Though I want to get some of that into the mix.” “You should do Mountain Song. That’s one of my favorites.” “Yeah, that’s a good one,” I agreed. I played the riff on the guitar. “Cool, you already know it!” “Nah, I’ve just messed around with it a few times,” I said. Actually, I hadn’t ever tried playing it on the guitar; I just whipped the riff off. It surprised me. I was pretty quick at picking up licks on the guitar, but this was almost Zen-like in its appearance in my fingers. I figured it was the euphoria of sitting in the park playing music with Heather on what can only be described as a beautiful night.
“Do you like swings?” Heather asked after I put the guitar down. We had played and sang snippets of this and that, and laughed more than we sang, but it was fun. “Swings? Sure,” I said with a shrug. “Come on,” she said, standing and offering me a hand. I reached up and took her hand, leaping up. “Last one there loses a fishing point,” she called over her shoulder, running away from me. I made chase, but the swings were too close to gain any ground. I watched as she gracefully leapt up onto the swing, and made a high arc while standing on the seat. “Thirty to sixteen,” she said, spinning on the swing to look at me. “You’d think that with your luck on the pier you wouldn’t have to resort to cheap shots,” I said petulantly, as I sat on the other swing and looked up at her. “Aw, I’m sorry. I forgot... You really are in the hole. Fine, I’ll give you a point back.” “I don’t want a point back.” “Then why are you complaining?” “I’m not. Just giving you shit,” I grinned. “Matt! Language around the ladies!” she said, with mock horror. I laughed. “Whatever.” “Hey, get off the swing,” she said suddenly. She hopped off of hers and stood expectantly next to me. “Why?” I asked warily. Her voice had that tone to it. “This is cool. Get up!” I stood. “Lie down under the swing,” she ordered. “Under?” “Yeah. With your head right under the seat.” “And you’re going to swing over me?” “No. I’m going to lie next to you.” “All right...” I had no idea what was going on, but I went with it. I lay in the dirt, looking up at the bottom of the swing about a foot away from me. Heather lay down right next to me. Our sides were pressed together, and some of her hair tickled my neck. She put her head close to mine. “Now what?” I said. “Now, we swing.” For a moment she did nothing, so I turned and looked at her. She smiled. “Look up,” she said. Then she grabbed the swing, and gave it a hard push away from us. I think I yelled, and definitely flinched as the swing suddenly flew back towards us. In the dim light of the orange sodium lamps, the black rubber swing seat was a ghostly scythe swinging through the starry sky, clinking chains and all. “Jeez, that’s freaky,” I blurted out. Heather was chuckling. She gave the swing another flick. Again I pushed myself back into the sand as the seat whooshed by with a slight breath of air. “It’s not going to hit you,” she said with a giggle, as she watched my reactions. “I know, but still!” Another hard push. This time the swing overshot and fell straight towards us, flailing in the air before recoiling violently not a foot in front of us. “Whoa! That’s crazy!” “But perfectly safe… Unless it breaks,” Heather added. “Thanks, that makes me feel comfortable.” “It’s like hopping over a deep crevasse. We went to Maine once, and we were climbing rocks on the shore. There was this one place where there was this long crack in the bedrock. It went down like a hundred feet to the water, this deep, dark chasm. Every time the waves crashed down below, you could feel a little mist coming up the crack like a chimney. I would put my face over the opening and cool off with the sea mist. Anyway, it was only two or three feet wide, so you could easily hop over. But when I went to hop it; it was a little freaky!” “Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said. “There are some places like that where I hike in the Catskills. You know that you can easily make the jump, but it’s still a rush.” Heather gave the swing another push. “Hey, I have an idea,” she said suddenly, stopping the swing. She jumped up and went back to the cameras. “What film do you have in your camera again?” she called out. “Kodak,” I said. “No, what speed?” “Um, 400, I think. Look on the bottom,” I said. She turned my camera and looked at the dial. “Yeah, let’s use yours.” I sat up and watched her bring the extended tripod closer, and then she screwed my camera onto the top. She set it up off to the side of the row of swings. “All right, lie down again. Move towards…towards your feet. A little more. There, good. How does the timer on this work?” “It’s the lever on the front. Just turn it all the way, that will give about ten seconds.” “Okay, hands to your sides. Ready?” “Sure.” I heard Heather set the timer, and then she ran over to the swings. She lay pointing opposite from me, so that the top of our heads touched, right under the swing. She gave the swing a gentle push, and a moment later I heard the shutter click, and then click again a second later. “What was that?” I asked. “Maybe an interesting picture. Maybe not.” “Two pictures?” “No, just slow shutter speed. Open, close.” “Oh, right.” “I should take another just in case, but I’m comfy just lying here,” she said. She let out a contented hum. We lay quietly for a while, the top of our heads lightly touching. “Heather,” I said, “I need to tell you something.” “Go for it.” “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I need to say it anyway.” She was silent, so I went on. “I really… I really have fun with you. Ever since I first saw you, that morning on the pier last year when I spilled my fish all over the place like an idiot? Ever since then, I’ve been thinking about you. Even more after I found your note.” My heart was suddenly pounding in my throat. How awkward this was sounding! But I had to get this out. Lara had been right, after all. “I really wish I had found your number back then, the day you gave it to me. I mean... the fact that I didn’t see it... you can’t imagine how that makes me feel. I’d give anything to go back in time and look at that paper. But I’m happy that you’re still my friend. I know you’re with Bill. I’m not telling you all this to get between you and him. I’ve… I’ve been there, you know, with Julie, and I don’t think it’s right for me to do what… what I wish I could do. Bill seems like a nice guy.” I took a deep breath. “I really like your friendship,” I continued. “You make everything so fun, even though I’m getting my ass whipped in the fishing match.” I expected a laugh, but didn’t get one. My nerves tightened another notch as I started feeling self-conscious about telling her all this. “So I really want to be your friend, even after I leave this summer. I’m serious about coming to visit and stay with us, and go fly-fishing, and skiing. I mean, Bill is welcome, too. I won’t get in the way of that, ever. But I don’t think I can be without your friendship. You mean so much to me, Heather.” There, it’s out now, I thought. I wasn’t feeling relieved though. The world was absolutely still for a long minute. I could sense her breathing, though the touch of her head on mine. Then I felt my heart sink, as Heather took a deep breath and got up. To leave, or to tell me off, I didn’t know. I didn’t want to know. I just wanted to dig a hole in the sand and bury myself in it. And then, the world exploded. Her lips were on mine all at once. Upside-down she moved over me, and grasped my head as she connected with me. It was like two live wires, a moment before lying idly and apart, and now sending a shower of wild sparks into the night as they touched. Somehow she rotated her body and lay next to me, still face to face, and never breaking the electric kiss we shared. We caressed each other’s face and hair, exploring each other’s lips, mouths, and tongues in every possible way. The swings were gone, the cameras were gone... the tip of Long Island was gone… All vanished, as we floated together, enraptured. We opened our eyes at the same instant as water sprayed on us, and even in the dimness her eyes danced as much as ever. Her lips smiled against mine. We ignored the sudden, impossible rain as we kissed, making up for a year and a week lost and apart. I’ll never forget the light scent of her hair brought out by the moisture, and the mixture of water and tears that dripped down my face as we pressed ourselves into each other.
When we broke apart reluctantly, we smiled as radiant waves of pleasure still spread through our bodies. Her face shimmered in the electric glow of the park lights, and the sprinklers continued their intermittent soaking of our bodies. There was one thing which still lingered. The kiss made it all the more difficult to bring up. “Heather, I…” “Shh,” she hushed, placing a finger to my lips. “I broke up with him last night.” I opened my mouth to continue my protest, just as I grasped the content of her words. “I’m all yours,” she said, and returned her lips to mine. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was in complete ecstasy.
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