date = 5/18/3
nickname = Rapina

comments = Welcome to the new Rapina Feedback Forum.  This forum is for questions and comments about, The Chronicles of Rapina, story. Since entries are manually posted from anonymous emails handled via webform through ASSTR, it is an anonymous but moderated forum.  It will be moderated by default because I'll be looking at all the anonymous emails as I post them. I am not big on censorship, however, so as long as a post does not contain an advertisement I will almost certainly post it.  Remember Asstr's big rule: Absolutely no advertising.

Please remember to hit the refresh or reload button on  your browser so that you are not stuck with an old version of the forum file that does not include newer posts.

-Rapina

date = 05/19/03
nickname = eaw

comments = Rapina,
Love the series! Keep up the great writing! I was kinda of concerned when I first started reading a few weeks ago that you hadn't written in months and where gonna stop writing. Glad to see this isn't the case! Please keep going! Hope to see the next chapter real soon!

date = 05/19/03
nickname = Rapina

comments= Thank you Eaw, it is because of interested readers that I have been able to continue writing through 55 chapters.  When I start to get into a lull, people prod me out of it :)  I am working on chapter 56 lately.  I am not sure when I'll finish it but It will go up as soon as I finish the writing and editing on it.

-Rapina

Hugs and best wishes,

Marie

date = 05/28/03
nickname = Rapina

comments= Thank you Marie, glad you are enjoying the story.  I'm still working on Chapter 56.  It looks like I may split "Inmates" into two chapters and  put the first one on the web as soon as the iron gate to Vargrend's closes behind Bellany.  

date = 05/29/03
nickname = RPG Man

comments = Great story. I eagerly await the next chapter.

Thanks for your insights into Necromancers and the Church of Mortaebius. My next Dungeons and Dragons game will be a little more morbid. )

Keep up the good work.

date = 05/29/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = <G> Thanks, I kind of enjoy the irony of the god of the dead protecting the freedom of thought of the living with greater zeal than other gods less moldery and full of the wisdom of old dead people.  I guess I better find more time to write.  This forum is beginning to show that there are a few people out there eagerly awaiting chapter 56.

Proud to be one of the 'few'!

date = 06/15/03
nickname = Mark

comments = Rapina,

Please don't stop writing! I'm really enjoyed the series, and is my D&D group! You've actually given us a couple ideas and we really appreciate that! Keep up the great work!

Mark

date = 06/16/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thank you Mark, I'm glad you found some of the ideas in the story useful.  I have just about finished drafting chapter 56 and just have to get the editing out of the way and then I'll post it.

date = 06/19/03
nickname = RaKiaN

comments = Id just like to say that this is one of the best stories i have ever read. Keep up the good work!

date = 06/21/03
nickname = eduardo

comments = Waiting for the next post ...

Inmates ... the title is already interesting.

date = 06/22/03
nickname = Energizer_Bunny

comments = This is one of the best series i've ever read of this genere! Glad to see you're still writin, and I'm (as well as hundreds, if not tens of thousands) eagerly awaiting future chapters!

date = 06/23/2003

nickname = Red Jack's Rabbit

comments = I would just like to say that why you don't get this published is beyond me!! This is some of the best erotica/adventure fantasy writing that I have ever had the pleasure of reading in this genre. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop, and the suspense and story line are fantastic!!! Please get inspired and post another batch of chapters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

date = 06/23/03
nickname = eduardo

comments = Nice history, but left me with the desire for more. Please, continue.

date = 06/23/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thanks all for your encouraging words.  I have the first part of  Chapter 56 written and rough-edited.  Now to get into the school  part...

date = 06/27/03
nickname = HappyCouple

comments = Both my boyfriend and I loved reading all the chapters. we absolutely devoured them in matter of days. Please keep up the great work and we look forward to reading more of your work.

Thank you for evenings of good reading.

Love,

D & G

date = 06/24/03
nickname = sb

comments = For a long time all I've been doing is looking at the top of the index page for updates which is why I missed this forum spot (that and not reading your update e-mail carefully enough). However, I've been re-reading the whole story lately and noticed the extras section just today.

So, I wanted to let you know, once again, that this is an absolutely wonderful story. I enjoy it each time I read it and can't wait for more! I've particularly enjoyed the past couple of chapter's dealing with Rapina's memory loss -- they really help emphasize her resourcefulness and intelligence.

Please do keep writing! You most certainly have a captive audience eagerly awaiting each new chapter.

date = 06/24/03
nickname = skull

comments = Rapina,

First I've just gotta say how much I've been enjoy'n the series! Keep it come'n! Second I've just been wondering how long till Rapina gets back her memory and back to Thane and crew?

Shiver me timbers!

Skull.

date = 07/02/03
nickname = A suggestion

comments = Rapina,

A suggestion for you to let others enjoy your stories would be to post them on www.storiesonline.net I think you'd find a large readership there as well!! The large well written stories (of which the Rapina saga is a member) always seem to do well on storiesonline.net.

again as always keep up the great writing!!!!

A friend.

date = 07/05/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thank you all for your  wonderful encouragement.  I have a chapter ready and should be posting it within the next few days. It is one that went between The Broasted Ox and Inmates and is entitled, Chapter 56, The Allure of Emeralds.  Inmates is now being drafted.

Sometime I will have to look into storiesonline.net but since I'm still not entirely moved from Geocities to Asstr, I think I'll put it off until Asstr has all the extras that Geo has.  (Geo does not have the newer chapters, however.)

-Rapina

date = 07/07/03
nickname = eaw

comments = Rapina,

Great chapter! Keep it up! Hope to see the next chapter real soon! I can see methods for the return of Rapina and Bellemy disappearing into the mists. Loving the story!

E.

date = 07/07/03
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Thank you Eaw, glad you liked it.  I am impatient to continue.  I would love to be able to write chapters as fast as people can read them.  

-Rapi

date = 07/15/2003
nickname = mage_light

comments = A slight 'detail' in chapter 56 (the allure of emeralds) ...

The hill is spelled 'motte' from the french word meaning 'lump', whereas 'mot' would mean 'word'.

Umm, if I start praising this could go on for a few pages so I better stop now. I'll sum it up with a simple "exactly what I was looking for", though it seems inadequate compared to the story itself. Oh my, I'm rambling already. ;o)

date = 07/15/2003
nickname = Rapina

comments = Oops it looks like I have some find and replace to do for mot and motte.  Thanks for the heads-up.   I'll try to fix that within a few days.  I am glad you are enjoying the story otherwise :)

date = 07/17/03
nickname = Arthur

comments = Hey!

This stuff is fantastic!

I have been a HUGE fan of sword and sorcery since I was a small child; Errol Flynn could easily have played the part of Red Jack and Susan Hayward would have made a marvelous Rapina! I picture Basil Rathbone as Thane, and Alan Hale as Pike; and no question in my mind Tyrone Power as the haunted, once-caged Elf!

You have an obvious gift to portray action and adventure; thank you for sharing it so richly with all of us! As the story grows upon me (currently reading in chp 38) I find myself caring more and more for these characters, especially Rapina! It is wonderful to see her becoming stronger and stronger as a person and as a warrior magic is a _given_ what with her "innate" talent! Said talent is by far the most endearing facet of the plot so far, and I will keep readin' 'em as long as you will post 'em!

Praise God for writers, and that means you, who create powerful and completely human women characters!

I pray you are well, and that there are yet to be dozens of chapters in this most entertaining and lovely story of Rapina!

God Bless you.

Arthur

date = 07/18/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Wow,  thanks.  My ego is swelling up ;)   Actually I am aware my writing still fits in the "amateur" category but I hope to continue to improve with time.  It is good to know people are enjoying the plot and characters even if I don't always manage to do them as much justice as I would like to. I am still working on the Inmates chapter.  I am still in the beginning stages.  Thus I am not sure when it will be done.

Thanks Again for the encouraging words,

-Rapina

date = 07/30/03
nickname = Jen

comments = I love this story. The characterization of Rapina is exquisite, although I do hope that "Bellany" finds her true identity soon. Keep up the good work, oh author, and I congratulate you on your restraint in avoiding the traditional female on female f--- fest of your peers on asstr.

date = 07/30/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thank you Jen.  Rest assured that Rapina's memory is starting to reach critical mass.  Mortaebius has removed his deadening grip on her memory (CH 54 Sir Bellany) and She has been reminded of enough bits for her memory for it to begin to fall together into a more coherent whole.  I am sure you have already begun to see her memory is coming back together in chapter 56. 

As for female on female, that's a form that Rapina has not yet tried but it is bound to come up at some point.  She flirted with it briefly in CH 36, Daelrath. (Rapina, as you have seen, is not one for taboos or inhibitions as she naturally (or supernaturally) sees sexuality in light of what she is.  All preferences aside, her hunger predisposes her to be something of a sexual opportunist.  Yet the story has already shown that Rapina's attractions run more strongly to males.  From a purely a practical  viewpoint, males volunteer their energy quite readily and it comes in a form that is conveniently digestible. :)~

date = 07/30/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = I just read through Arthur's message again.  I think it is cool he tried to cast the characters of the Rapina saga with various actors.  Since I was not familiar with all of them I had to look up pictures just to see who they were.  I am still thinking about whom I would cast as whom for a hypothetical Rapina movie.  Any suggestions?

date = 07/30/03
nickname = Lharlequin

comments = I'm a fairly big fan of the Sword and Sorcery stories and have had the pleasure to read the worst and the best. Your work is quite a bit better then amateur really. I can't say enough good things about it so please keep up the good work.

date = 08/03/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thank you Lharlequin.  I still have a ways to go with my writing skills but I am glad you are enjoying my tale.  I'm still working on Inmates.  I've been fiddling with a hard drive upgrade lately and that is slowing me down.  I hope to work on Inmates some tonight.

comments = Please.......Please........PLEASE post Inmates!

I never thought that I would love a character more than Paksenarrion, I was wrong. You should write a book,......or ten!

date = 8/10/03

nickname = Adam

comments = I know you have heard it repetatively, but this one of the only stories I keep coming back too. I have actually thumbnailed your contents page so I can catch each new chapter as they come. Good luck with the future stories, I'll keep reading as long as you keep the story going.

Thanks for a great story!

date = 8/10/03

date = 08/13/03
nickname = eaw

comments = Rapina,

Hope computer problems aren't slowing you down!! Looking forward with anticipation to the next chapter! Can hardly wait! Keep up the geat work! And keep'm coming!

E.

date = 08/23/03
nickname = Jackie

comments = Rapina,

Loved the story so far! I'm a new reader to your series, Eaw practically chained me to my computer chair today and made me read the full series before he'd go anywhere! Well okay so there wasn't that much arm twisting once I got into it. Please hurry up and post the next chapter!

J.

date = 08/29/03
nickname = Jen

comments = Why there be no new posting in mucho time? Me want story!!!! lol...just kidding, partly. I do hope you're not running into too much trouble. We're all eagerly awaiting Inmates.

Keep it up,

Jen

date = 09/3/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Inmates is slowly growing but real life is doing a lot of intruding lately.  I am not sure when I'll finish the chapter but at least it is growing steadily, little by little.

-Rapina

date = 9/3/2003
nickname = Kitten

comments = I absolutely love your story, I think it's awesome and I can't wait for you to write more. You should think about publishing a book or something. I would buy it!!!

date = 09/13/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thank you Kitten.    I don't know that I'm good enough for books yet but at least I have been putting some more work in on chapter 57.   I appreciate the encouragement.  It really makes a difference.

-Rapina

date = 09/14/03
nickname = S

comments = Hi there....
I came across your story by accident this Friday (12/09/03). I decided to go through chapter 1 just to see what it was all about, and I must admit before I knew it I was on Chapter 30 and couldn’t stop till I reached Chapter 56. At this point let me commend you on an exceptional piece of work. Can’t wait for Chapter 57 to see how it goes from there. Keep up the excellent work.

Cheers

S

date = 09/13/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Thank you, I am so glad so many people seem to be enjoying the story.  I will continue working. 

-Rapina

date = 09/18/03
nickname = tjw

date = 09/29/03
nickname = Erik
comments = RAPINA,

Just wanted to take a moment to encourage you to dust off the keyboard and get back to writing! I'd love to see another chapter real soon! I'd also like to encourage you to post your story on www.storiesonline.net. Keep up the great work.

E.

date = 10/12/03
nickname = Mme Anaya

comments = Great story! Am anxiously awaiting the next chapter! Keep up the good work

date = 10/29/03
nickname = WhoMightUB

comments = YO DUDE, im a big fan of the series, but have you stopped writing? i understand school obligations(being a college student with myself taking on 17 credit hours of heavy classes), but it's just a chapter. you don't need half a year (and counting) to write it!

date = 10/31/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = I am glad you are so impatiently waiting for the next chapter.  Actually since, "The Allure of Emeralds" was posted at the beginning of  July, the seventh month and it is now the beginning of November the 11th month it has been four months which is a long time I will admit.  There is a chapter entitled, "Snubbery," which will come before the one entitled Inmates.  (The Inmates title refers to a specific series of events and I am reserving that title for the chapter those events happen to fall into.) The chapter is fully drafted .  Since I may have to work backwards because so many things are going on I have not yet posted it.  It also needs its final edit.  The next chapter after the drafted one is already in the works by several pages.  I am not sure how this is going to go down.  I may post one then the other or I may wait and post them both at once.  

-Rapina

date = 11/20/03
nickname = EAW
comments = WOOT! glad to here there has been progress on the chapter!! Please keep up the great writing Rapina! We're all looking forward to the next chapters! Please keep'm coming. I hope to convince you to keep at least one chapter coming a month it would be a great boon to your readers!

Another suggestion would be to repost the stories chapter by chapter, after a quick editorial check to some place such as www.storiesonline.net, this would allow more folks to find your stories and to give you comments, suggestions, praise and to beg for more chapters.

E.

date = 11/30/03
nickname = players2

comments = i have to say that the story is very good and captivating i could not stop reading till i got to the last chapter ,,,i have a 500+volume library sitting behind my computer so i read a lot , you are a excellent author my hat off to you .....keep up the good work

date = 12/04/03 -Thu Dec 4 214228 EST 2003
nickname = eager reader

comments = Another month scurries away into its little hole in the wall...

date = 06/12/03
nickname = Arthur

comments = Greetings!

In either case, I await their publishing with gladness.

Your work has blessed me with its beautiful handling of the very sensitive inner-workings of the main character's heart.

Bravo!

Real life will continue to keep you busy!

The story will continue to burn brightly in the background of your consciousness. I know this, because I am an internet author like you. I can no more get away from my characters than I can stop breathing. At best, I can only ignore them when real life needs supercede my desire to write! lol

Which happens almost every day, almost ALL day!!! lol

I hate that! I would much rather just hang out with these lovely people who inhabit my head and my heart and tell of their marvelous days and nights with one another.

Well.

THAT ain't gonna happen!! lol

Gotta work, man!

Just like you.

So.

Be ENCOURAGED!

Your stuff is so very worth the wait. You do good. Keep on keepin on.

Thanks, again, for having shared all of this in the first place!

A labor of love, which clearly describes Rapina, takes time to fashion. Crafting such an epic cannot be hurried.

Make sure you eat properly and get good rest!! lol

There.

I've done my part as a fan! lol

Seriously, thank you.

My best to you, and God Bless and keep you alway.

Arthur (Khanundrum)

date = 12/08/03
nickname = Rapina

comments = Sorry for getting behind on the forum.  I also realized that if I hit "who" on my email software it would group everything from ASSTR in one spot.  Doing this left me with a few posts that had somehow got lost in my messy in-box.  I posted those posts in accordance with their dates. I appreciate them even if they did get lost for a bit.  Real life has been brisk lately but I have not forgotten about Rapina.  I have her in the middle of an academy social function at the moment, poor thing.  

Thank you all for caring enough to send feedback.  Arthur, I loved your very comprehensive piece.  I can just point to it and say, yes it is exactly as he said.

-Rapina

date = 01/03/04
nickname = Commander

comments = I must say that this is one of the best works of fiction I have ever read. This includes professional books as well. I hope you continue your work because I look forward to reading more about Rapina. I had devoured this story in about a week and the only problem was that I am craving more.

I hope that you will finish the next chapters soon. Thx.

I just wanted to let you know your writing is well appreciated

date = 01/06/04
nickname = Dave

comments = I love your story rapina, but when is the new installment coming. It has been six months since a chapter has been released. I hope you are still writing.

date = 01/14/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = I am sorry it has taken me so long but today at long last I added two new chapters to the Rapina saga .  The added chapters are Chapter 57 Snubbery and Chapter 58 Memories.  I have been working on them on and off since the end of Chapter 56, The Allure of Emeralds, but other things have taken my time and It has taken me this long to finish them and get them ready for the web.  Again sorry for the wait.  I hope you enjoy the new chapters.

-Rapina

date = 01/14/04
nickname = eaw

comments = Woot!! Enjoyed those 2 chapters Rapina! Looking forward to many more!! Keep up the great work!

E.

date = 01/14/04
nickname = Reaper

comments = God dam what a story!!!!!

date = 01/15/04
nickname = Armaggedon Rex

comments = So good to have some new chapters. I'm not sure where the plot is going since the extra-planer encounter in the orc caves, but the story, style, and characters continue to be fascinating. Please keep up the good work as time and inspiration permits.

date = 1/17/04
nickname = sb

comments = These two chapters were ever so much fun to read. I really enjoy seeing aspects of Rapina's character in Bellany and these two chapters did an excellent job of showing her intelligence, cunning, and independence as she works to finish recovering her memory and to satisfy her desires (and needs) in a rather hostile environment.

There is definitely a lot of potential for some superb future chapters and I'm looking forward to reading them ... hopefully the real world won't interfere too much )

date = 01/18/2004
nickname = morg

comments = Great stories. I'm so glad to see the recent story updates. There are many web-stories that I've started to read and not been able to finish - Rapina is the exception to that.

date = 01/27/04
nickname = Narz

comments = Rapina,

Needless to say I enjoyed the latest 2 chapters very much! We're all looking forward toward the next chapter(s) with baited breath. I like I'm sure everyone else who reads your wonderful story, is wondering how soon you will get out the next chapter(s)? Hope to hear back from you on that soon!

N.

date = 02/01/04
nickname = Arthur

comments = Hey!

First class.

I am so happy to see you continuing with the shape shifting and personality expansion. From the moment she bonded with her Aunt's Stone until now, Rapina has been a major work in progress. Who she is becoming is getting to be much more entertaining than her adventures.

Now, don't take that the wrong way! Her adventures continue to be wonderful. I especially like the dynamics in play with her school mates; these people will obviously help her continued growth. I especially look forward to seeing Thane and Red Jack walk back into her life. That will be a total gas!

I pray you are well and that each day brings you the time you desire to continue this marvelous story.

Thank you for sharing it here in the first place.

Oh, yes, a note Chapter 57 shows nearly a half megabite over in the FTP folder; that threw me at first I saw that value and "nearly fuckin' swooned" as Jack might say!! lol

I no sooner got done with the actual chapter than I realized it was probably just a slight posting snafu. I have them as well. I think it possible that a few other faithful followers may also have gotten extremely excited when they saw that number! Even so, it is a "small price to pay" for this exceptional tale!

Keep on keepin' on, Rapina!

You rock!

God Bless and keep you always!

Arthur (Khanundrum)

date = 02/01/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = I am glad to see people are enjoying the new chapters.   I have started the next one, but of course it is not anywhere near being finished.  I cannot really predict when it will come out at this early stage.  Many things need to happen as the story continues and I am not sure how many of them will fit in the next chapter.  The recent segment has been developing several themes, including Bellany's social situation, Charles' status as a tournament athlete and the relationship of both Norwits with the children of the Emerald Families.  There is also that nagging ghost, the mysterious "man" in rags, the resurgence of Bellany's magical abilities, her relationship with her roommate Mary, her relationship with her friend Cleopatra and Bellany's attempts to get around the restrictions of the academy...  

Arthur, I had not noticed the large number on the FTP for file size? for chapter 57 until you pointed it out.  The regular windows text file weighs in at just shy of 100kb.  Why FTP insists on "509814" or what exactly it means by that is not something I understand.  If anyone knows off the top of her/his head please feel free to enlighten the rest of us.  I just upload the files and let the software handle the details :)

-Rapina

date = 02/05/04
nickname = eaw

comments = Rapina,

Whats up with reposting chapter 55? Looking forward to the next chapters! Keep up the great writing!

E.

date = 02/05/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = Every so often I look in previous chapters for some bit of information while writing new chapters.  When I do that I will often find an error of some sort in an old chapter.  It is usually nothing that changes the meaning of the chapter at all.  For instance recently I reposted chapter 57 because I had spelled Abraham's last name as both Steefl and Steefle and had to fix that so it was all Steefl.  I do not remember what error I found in chapter 55 but it was minor.  In any case I am working on chapter 59 at the moment.  I have about 11 pages written, assuming I don't slash and burn which happens sometimes :)

-Rapina

date = 02/14/04
nickname = mintcake

comments = This story is one of the best I have ever read.

Having taken a day out just to read it, i place it's quality alongside most of my favorite authors - Eddings, Grafton, Norton etc.

This is superb - please keep those chapters going!

date = 03/21/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = I am glad you are enjoying the story so much Mintcake. For all its flaws it has been fun to write and I am not nearly finished yet. Bones (see below) asked if I just invented it as I went along or if I knew what was going to happen. The answer is a bit complex. At any given time I have an idea of what the next chapters will entail all the way to the end of the story, but as I write and think about the story more, sometimes I make minor or even major changes, and there are some issues that I waffle on until I am to that part of the story and then I finally hammer out the details.

-Rapina

date = 03/21/04
nickname =  Rapina

date = 04/03/04

nickname = JR

comments = I hope that the next chapter of Rapina is coming soon. I have enjoyed the story, and cant wait for the next chapter.

JR

date = 04/06/04
nickname = iamwhoiam

comments = This is one of my favorite stories and I check up on it regularly. Are you also going to post Captive Souls to this website or have you and Dark Icon stopped working on that story?

date = 04/15/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  We tried to restart Captive Souls recently but Marc seems to have got stuck or busy.  You might want to post something on his Asylum Walls section and ask :)

date = 04/08/04

nickname = G.R.D.

Side question What's your writing rate? Around one chapter every two months? More? Less?

date = 04/15/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Lately my writing rate has not been that great.  I would say a chapter comes out quarterly on the average.  It really depends on how busy I am in real life.

-Rapina

date = 04/16/04

nickname = Gert

comments = This is the most fantasticly wellwritten story I have seen in à loong time. Why o why have you not sold the filmrights yet, or at least trayed to scare up some producer (hint). It may give you some full time writing (I hope).

date = 04/17/04

nickname = eaw

comments = Come on Rapina!

Win the lottery so you can write full time! LOL Anyway looking forward to the next chapters!!

E.

date = 05/18/04

nickname = Lharlequin

comments = A lack of updates makes baby jesus cry!

date = 06/06/04

nickname = gtk

comments = [for those who haven't yet read or finished reading 'Rapina' so far, my comment contains plot spoilers, so please don't read this]

 Thank you for the wonderful story! The many very different adventures make this addictive reading. I really enjoyed the depth of characters (resulting from contributions of multiple authors) during Rapina's pirate-in-training adventures. Also not being afraid to kill off developed long term protagonist characters or touch on their flaws or their unsavoury side was refreshing (killing soldiers and guards who are good people but got in the way of the main characters; side effects of inciting/enabling orcs and giants to more effectively attack human settlements).

Since there are a lot of questions / requests for clairification I will comment on the forum post in red

-Rapina

 I am glad you are enjoying the story.  I really must finish the next chapter.  I like to post one at least quarterly.  Plus Lharlequin informed me that baby Jesus was crying because of the lack of updates and that was just strange enough to get me to add a few pages to chapter 59.

 After Rapina was changed to appear like Bellany Norwit, I got the impression that her personality also seemed to become more childish. I wondered if it was traces of the real Bellamy, but then Mortaebius told Thane that Bellamy is dead. 

Chantral Oagmak was speaking the truth when he said that the high shaman of the orcs had sacrificed Bellany Norwit and she could only be used as a sacrifice if he had loved her. (ch 49).  Rapina as Bellany was pretty helpless and that may have accentuated her childishness.  She really is only 17 but she has had to grow up fast.

There were two other things which puzzled me: what of Thane's ongoing work to support Mortaebius in the religious war? He, Rapina, and Rames worked madly up until Rapina was captured. After Rapina was transformed into Bellany, not much is mentioned in the story concerning the war or what Thane is doing besides searching for Rapina. 

This will be brought out more fully when Rapina catches up with Thane and Rames.  Presently the only times Thane and Rames make appearances in the story are when there is some sort of close connection with Rapina.  Hints about what Thane is up to have been dropped, however, such as the fact that Thane has Evangeline's remains and will be enchanting them as a moaning skeleton.  Some authors' advisors recommend that you tell the story strictly from the main character's point of view.  I fudge on that a bit but I try not to stray too far.  

Also, after the attack of the highwaymen while en route to 'Vargrend's Prison for Girls,' Bellany and Charles seem willing to tell anyone and everyone how well Bellany fought. IMHO I am surprised at their indiscretion (especially Bellany). 

In spite of the veneer of religion and culture, Darl Norwit is still basically a general or a warlord + governer who works for Avengene, an even bigger warlord.  They are in the business of killing orcs (and Priests of Mortaebius.)  Although Headmistress Vargrend finds valor to be a dubious virtue where noble ladies are concerned, the situation for frontier warlords, their children and their subjects is not quite as it is for the more southerly and genteel barons and their families.  Vindicator women are not supposed to be warriors, but when a woman is forced to do battle and distinguishes herself, it is definitely something that gets talked about.   That even the daughter of a warlord is fierce in battle is flattering to his family line even if it is against vindicator social norms for women.

Frontier nobles like the Daelraths and the Norwits live in a state of intermittent to perpetual warfare. Prowess in battle is noteworthy and warriors enjoy telling tales of valor (Since there is no TV it gives them something to do).  The news media is also severely limited thus stories of current events are prized.  

When Rapina brought in the numerous troll-heads, Daelrath's men wanted to hear the tale behind the trophies and offered a hero's welcome, free ale and a place to sleep as well as the usual bounty money.  There is a tradition of sharing stories of battle at mead halls, taverns, inns, around campfires and the like.  That the tale Charles told about Bellany involved a woman makes it unusual and therefore interesting both to tell and to hear.   Charles enjoys a good tale of valor and the social points he gets for telling one.

One cannot discount the central roll that valor plays for men and to a lesser extent women in Rapina's culture.  At the Bristol Academy for Boys, you see nothing like football, baseball or other major games.  As with many medieval and pseudo-medieval cultures skill at arms and heroism in battle are the social currency of the culture. 

Rapina does not always do the prudent thing, especially before she was sure she was Rapina.  She probably would have been more likely to hide her abilities had she been more sure of who she really was from the beginning.   Yet her abilities are a lot of what jogged her memory into revealing who she really was.  The fact was that for a long time she did not know who she really was.  She had the idea she was not Bellany Norwit but it took her a while to really know she was Brianna Barter and she could not tell anyone that because Barter is a wanted criminal.  

She only really became sure she was Rapina once she was at Vargrend's, and by then word was out that she had been a slave of the orcs last year and this year had taken up arms in order to make it to school.  This is a "cool" story to the boys in many ways but an "unladylike" story to Bianca Bristol and her ilk.  Bellany being something of war lady is especially notable because it bucks the religion of the vindicator.  That Brunhilda Dealrath is now a war lady is hardly worth more than a briefly raised eyebrow since her father is a frontier warlord and now firmly worships Virtusar only.  

At Vargrend Bellany Norwit is considered a small fry. It would not be good for too many powerful and unfriendly people to take an interest, or that she be accused and convicted as demon posessed or a witch. Keeping a low profile until she regains her knowledge might be a good idea. 

Bellany is near but not at the bottom of the peerage totem pole at Vargrend's.  Actually if she were not of Avengene she would be in better shape.  Her lack of virginity gives Bianca something to lambaste her for, but Bianca would be much less likely to lambaste her were she the daughter of an ally rather than the daughter of an enemy.   In the eyes of Bianca Bristol, Bellany is essentially the daughter of a captain of knghts.  In modern terms, Bellany might be the daughter of a governor and general combined.  In other more liberal eyes her father's lands are as large as some baronies.  Yet he keeps them for a Marquis not a king, so he is not as august as a baron is; however, he is certainly greater than a mere knight.  Even a knight is technically greater than a wealthy gentleman with no title, although a wealthy gentleman might actually have more influence.

 I am sure you have noted that Bellany-Rapina is being quite secretive about magic.  The cat is already out of the bag concerning virginity and swordsmanship, however.   Magic is not illegal in Bristol, but it is in all of Avengene and  Bellany would come under intense scrutiny if not immediate and possibly deadly censure if she were discovered casting spells.   On the other hand she is a noblewoman.  Having clout with the rulers of an area can sometimes lift a person above the law.  Avengene has made magic illegal throughout his realm yet he frequently made use of his Ally Heinrich Li' Yieraun's wizard ,Nordula,to help him get rid of the giants. 

I also find it strange that everyone seems to believe the highwaymen attack story and that no one questions Bellany's remarkable new sword skills

Probably some people do not believe the highwayman story but most probably do.  Lord Charles Norwit first told the story in a public Inn while in the company of wounded soldiers of Avengene who confirmed the tale with their attitudes and remarks.  The next telling was at the Patel's manor in front of young lords.  These are not people Charles is likely to lie to unless he wants to loose some serious face socially.

Mary Duffy can confirm that Bellany had a bolt hole through her shoulder.  The evidence for the story is solid and Lord Charles is unlikely to lie about such things to other noblemen and commoners are unlikely to accuse a lord of lying about a recent battle regardless of what they think.  Until they see Lady Norwit wield a rapier with their own eyes, doubters may not be satisfied.  Some simply assume the highwaymen were lousy fighters.  That is not uncommon for highwaymen. 

(in months she changed from near death condition to besting Lord Norwit).

  Yes, in about 6 months to be exact.  The "lucky" thing about Bellany's condition was that it was so unusual (damage from some sort of magic) that it was difficult to tell just how serious it was.  The first few weeks at Norwit seemed quite serious.   The reader knows that the real reason Bellany lived was that Thane healed certain very important areas and then Starstruck made several large donations towards her recovery.  To the Norwits it appeared as if Bellany's internal organs hovered on the brink of failure but prevailed.  Once her internals recovered it was inevitable that her extensive bruising would fade into history.  By the time Charles returned home at the beginning of summer, Bellany had been in recovery for three months and was fit. 

It is unusual that Bellany was able to pick up skill with the rapier so rapidly (after just 3 months of training), just as it is unusual that she was able to pick up mathematics, design catapults and so on.  The reader already knows Bellany is Rapina because they know Vulvilea shapeshifted Rapina's body to look like Bellany Norwit's.  Even if a reader skipped that part she would begin to realize that Bellany had to be Rapina because, as Roger noted, Rapina always displayed an almost frightening intellect in spite of her mundane origins.

The Norwits were a bit taken aback by certain new aspects of their daughter's personality but attributed much of it to new sources of seriousness and motivation in the face of the ordeal Bellany had endured.  Had Bellany acted irrationally, or had she become an unmanageable rebel or foamed at the mouth or whatever I am sure they would all have thought she was possessed.  Instead they probably thought that she was touched from having been blasted by such powerful magic.  They did keep a close enough eye on her to figure out she was flirting with the men of the garrison. 

When she started training with Charles her skill with the rapier was laughable because her damaged memory was more harm then help until she began to sort out her technique.  Charles remarked that she had been much more impressive with her first lesson at the longbow than he had been as a boy, but that he had done much better with his first lesson in swordsmanship. In the longer run, however, Charles was taken aback by his sister's steady, rapid improvement until sparring with her became quite trying to his ego.  

Besting Lord Norwit was certainly a notable achievement, but the story does make it clear that Lord Norwit uses a broadsword in battle like most lords and knights.  He is by no means an expert with lighter, faster blades such as the rapier.  This is the case with most knights.  The rapier is a weapon used by elves and city-dwelling gentlemen.  It does not see much use in the hands of knights that combat orcs. Most knights do have some familiarity with blades they do not normally use so that they can pick anything up in a pinch.  Thus Darl is neither an expert with the rapier nor someone who does not know the first thing about wielding one.  

Nevertheless all of the things you have noted would seem odd and might serve as additional clues should Bellany ever be exposed as a magician.  I am sure Rapina would have done a better job hiding her abilities if she had retained her memories.  On the other hand, she would not have staid with the Norwits had she retained her memories.  Bellany has largely been protected by the simple fact that being the daughter of a nobleman makes her fairly worthless as a spy since a daughter is not privy to the military secrets a son would be and she would not be taken along on military campaigns.   As things stand, it is not a good thing that people have a few clues as to her true nature.  Yet if she has need of her abilities, it will be a lucky thing that she did not let them slip away. In any case they have become such a part of her now that it would be difficult for her not to be drawn to them.  Such skills require constant practice to be at their best.

 Although it might have been prudent to hide her skill at arms if she had been sure she was not really Bellany, the battle with the highwaymen and Bellany's heroism are notable events.  Women with a knack for combat are rare but not unheard of.  Charles enjoys recounting the battle just as a modern sports fan would enjoy recounting the events of a particularly interesting game wherein his team won and wherein a player not expected to do well carried the day.  It would be difficult for him not to talk about it, and such events are nearly always of interest to others in his culture.  He believes Bellany's many months as a slave to the orcs, forged her mettle into tougher stuff.  The truth that Bellany is not Bellany is just too extraordinary to take seriously.   After all she looks and sounds like Bellany even if Charles immediately noticed she had filled out impressively since he had last seen her.  Since there was little gain to be had from impersonating Bellany Norwit, no one really takes the idea that Bellany is a fake seriously.  Impersonating someone who is not likely to be told any military secrets in the first place does not make sense.

 Warrior women are rare, but are probably less rare in Rapina's culture than they actually were in historical medieval times.  For instance, readers find out from the Daelrath chapter that Lord Daelrath was in love with a warrior woman during his younger years.  Avengene with its strict religiously defined roles for women and men does not tend to produce many warrior women.  On the other hand it is a frontier area where continuous war is fought with orcs and humanoids.  Thus, instances of heroism by women are not unheard of.

I guess I'll stop rambling now.  I hope that explains some things.  Some may not be perfectly apparent in the story without reading between the lines, but if you think about it, others are brought out in the story.  Of course I could always do a better job with my writing but this is amateur fiction after all.  I suppose I should get back to writing.  Thank you for sending some comments in.

-Rapina

date = 06/10/04

nickname = gtk

comments = Thank you very much for the well written answers! Your explanations are very clear and I feel I must apologize for my questions which now seem unnecessary. I didn't fully take into account Bellany's family's warrior culture nor completely consider how a young girl with no memories would behave given her environment. Bellany was so very different from Rapina... Yes, I agree - surviving the ordeal with the Orcs would be a very strong motivation to transform Bellany's outlook on life. And I now <g> remember that Bellany/Rapina stated a few times (to Lord Charles and others) that she could not go back to living like Bellany before the Orcs, despite her mother, Lady Norwit's wishes. I'll stop here (or I'd be simply agreeing to all your arguments). I should have thought more before I asked my questions, but I was very surprised at both the recounting of the highwaymen encounter and how much younger Bellany/Rapina's personality seemed to be. -) I was caught up in the story and raced through it, barely able to put it down. I'll have to find time to read the story again at a slower pace. I found this story from the "reader spotlights" page on asstr-mirror.org(http//www.asstr-mirror.org/reader_spotlights.html)

Thank you and may writing always give you pleasure.

I can't tell a story to save my life.

-gtk

date = 07/22/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  I am glad you understand what I was trying to get at in the story and I will  continue to try to make sure that things are clearer in the story.  As the author things seem very clear to me since I know what is going on, but sometimes I do not include enough memorable text on an important topic so that a reader might skim over a small point and get lost.  Sorry about that.   

If there is an omission that is confusing you and you write in and find that other readers are confused, then it is time for me to fix the chapter to make it more understandable.  Some things are deliberate mysteries but I think everyone knows about those.

-Rapina

nickname = G.R.D.

comments = Seems like people have been waiting for "inmates" (then chapter 56, now 59 (!) ) for quite some time now and although there's been three other chapters before it, most of us art still eagerly waiting for "inmates"...

Don't you dare stop writing about Rapina's Chronicles, I'd die without the rest of the story!!

Once Rapina/Bellany will have her memory back, is the story supposed to be close to the end or will it just be the begining of the story?

You know, "The Lord Of The Rings" is very long but could have been written all in one small book and kept the same storyline...

I hope your story will be more on the long side, than the short side... (Even if that meens, I'll have to wait another ten years before the end of it!! Seriously)

date = 07/22/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Inmates seems the once and future chapter.  I had hoped to put more of the budding relationship between Bellany and Mary into the Imnates chapter but, as it is, we have only the start.  Bellany is trying to put the breaks on things because she does not want to have to deal with Mary's guilty conscience.  Mary is a virgin.  Thus things are moving gradually and in Inmates we have Mary just gradually sliding down the slippery slope ;)

At this  point I think the story is between 1/2 and 3/4 of the way finished.  It is hard to tell just how much text the events that still need to take place will take up.

-Rapina

nickname = Lharlequin

comments = /sigh

The unfortunate truth is that when you finish this next chapter; even if it is book length long, I will still have a soul deep craving for more Rapina.

How callous are the muses who stifle the words that flow from your hand to 1's and 0's? Can we not push back the rut of reality to spin yarns of adventure?

If there is anything this hack of a bard can do to help please, please you have but to ask! Make use, whatever you may of this pitiful talentless shell that is my body, and empty botomless well that is my mind. Sacrifice me on the alter of the gods of prose so that you may breath life into all that is your imagination.

Seriously though I'd do your laundry to give you more time to write.

date = 07/22/04
nickname = Rapina

date = 07/05/04

nickname = Elessar

comments = This is possibly one of the most engrossing, well-written pieces of literature I've stumbled across on ASSTR. I've literally devoured the entire plot so far, and almost believed that the story was one of the many never-to-be-finished types. Thankfully, a better search and I found that the story was active.

Keep up the great work. I'll be waiting anxiously for the next update.

date = 07/19/04

nickname = sb

comments = Well ... first off, just a friendly encouragement to keep it up with the writing, not sure if you still are having trouble finding the free time or if you're loosing interest (I sure hope not!) ... but many fans are eagerly waiting for the next update (and the one after that, and the next one, and so on ... fans are demanding people!)

Also, is there any reason that you've got the text to display in red when a mouse pointer is hovered over it? Personally, I think that makes it a bit harder to read (though it isn't that hard to keep the pointer from being over the text). From what I can tell, Internet Explorer doesn't have this problem (probably because it doesn't support that style configuration), but my browser of choice (Firefox) does. Anyway, it's not a big deal, but if you have some spare time and don't mind either removing the

"BODY:hover { COLOR red }"

section or just changing the color to something darker (so it contrasts with the background better), that would be nifty.

Anyway, best of luck with your writing!

date = 07/22/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Lets try ... body:hover { color: #7FOOFF; }  

I put it on the contents and the current chapter.  I won't do the back chapters until I'm sure you like the color and I am feeling especially ambitious.  I also changed the background if the picture does not load to white so that people can read the html version of the story even if their browser is not doing pictures that day.  Hope that helps.

-Rapina

date = 07/21/04

nickname = Temudjin

comments = Well done Rapina! Very well indeed.

Finally a well crafted adventure story written from the 'evil' point of view, where the manhungry pirate witch, together with the dread necromancer and his undead minions, battles the forces 'good'.

Thanks Rapina, I've read the 58 chapters of your tale in less than a week, so one may say I'm hooked. Keep up the good work!

date = 07/22/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Thank you Temudjin and thank you everyone who has writen in.  

*At long last Chapter 59, Inmates, has been posted.*

  It is over 30 pages long and that means the final going over was a little thin.  Without a doubt some errors got past me.  If you see any errors, no matter how minor, and you feel like reporting them please let me know so that I can fix them.  Try to give me a good idea of where they are by including a chunk of surrounding text.

I know some of you probably thought I had forgotten you, but I had not.  Time and motivation are fickle things, but I have to give all the people who wrote in a heart-felt thank you.  You made a big difference in the motivation department.  Without you, Chapter 59 would have come out in about three years.  Maybe 4 years since you have to hand wash silk underthings and Lharlequin slaved over that for me ;)

I hope everyone enjoys the chapter.  As I said earlier, I had hoped to put in a little more on the Bellany - Mary situation but they are just starting to slide into it and rushing them would seem slip-shod. (Where possible I like the erotic scenes in Rapina to be plot driven.  There is plenty of hardcore on ASSTR to satisfy those instant sex for no reason cravings.)  I am just glad to have my story hosted on a site that refuses to censor.  I have a mile-wide pet peeve about how little freedom of speech we really have in the United States when it comes down to talking about sex.  I think someone who lived in Europe (probably Scandinavia or Holland) said that the United States was a nation of prudes and hypocrites.  I am glad some of us are not.  :)  End of sermon.

I am now working on chapter 60, Baladus.  Please continue to send encouraging comments, and don't be shy about telling me if something is not clear or if I left the second set of quotation marks out in one of the hundreds of quotes (which would not surprise me in the least).  A story is no good unless the readers are understanding it.  The great thing about web stories is that inserting a paragraph to solve a clarity issue is not difficult.  If it is just something you missed and everyone else understood it fine, I or another reader will point out the part that got past you.  Yet even if a person could technically find a reference but a lot of readers missed it, that says to me that something needs to be clarified.  

Stories should be written for readers not authors.  That is the really sad thing about the Alt.Dragons-Inn fantasy writing newsgroup where Rapina originally appeared.  There are some genuinely good authors churning out a lot of text for AD-I but most of them do not archive their work or even include coherent chapter numbers.  That means that even if a reader wants to go to the trouble of looking up all the fragments on Google, she has to have the patience of Job to stick all the fragments together in the right order.  Many good stories are so badly labeled that they are like Humpty-Dumpty.  All the king's horses and all the king's men could not put them back together again.  No author can really claim to be writing for readers if their stories are impossible jigsaw puzzles.  If all the stories on AD-I were just trash, it would not be so tragic.  There is some genuinely good fantasy fiction being written and basically thrown into a trash barrel full of un-numbered pages and unlabelled chapters.  No reader wants to try to sort that stuff out. 

The one fantasy author who on AD-I who does consistently archive his work is Marc Washington (www.darkicon.com) which is nice.  I wish more would follow his example.  Maybe they have.  I have not been on AD-I for quite sometime.  Occasionally I stop in to read a few fragments but it is not very rewarding as there are always so many missing pieces.

-Rapina

date = 07/23/04

nickname = JR(Fawks)

comments = Wohoo ! Inmates is here!

date = 07/26/2004

nickname = Civilmage

comments = If I cook your dinners will that help us get more Rapina faster?

I enjoyed this episode. I keep wondering if Thane or Kent isn't down in the crypt. Perhaps Mortaebius has more work for our lustful heroine.

Since you asked, I have included the places that I thought needed correction or modification. It's up to you if you want to use them. I actually read through the story again to find them. It was just as exciting the second time.

Name spelled differently from the paragraph above...have got out with Dina Belgato?...

this sentence with began to.. might better read as... and began to... "I can see you clearly now with my eyes and this black light, Lady Ghost," Bellany said over her shoulder as she got up to began to mount the stairs.

this sentence is missing a 'would' before make...If I despoiled your virgin ears with that, Headmistress Vargrend make me suffer daily whippings and five years of detention.

Name spelling..."Why don't you bring her over to eat with us Charles?" Lord Carnervon whispered.

Extra quote..."Timothy stifled a giggle. "I noticed."

Extra 'a' I am a Lady Bellany Norwit

Name spelling... throwing your ocean of guilt at the feet of Reverend Leeland

Another name... Deb Hartmoor. Her father is an ally of Lord Avengene," Charles said.

"You sound as if it were a chore to take her," Bellany whispered.

"She is not so bad if you get a few drinks into her, but even then she is prim and stiff. She ought to be your friend because of the Heartmoor-Avengene

verb tense... lose instead of looose... the Academy is going to loose a fine swordsman when he leaves at the end of the school year.

Name spelling..."Aye, me hope is that Lord Carnarvon's bones are unbroken.

Extra quote..."Bellany smiled.

date = 07/28/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Thank you Civlmage.  I corrected all of the errors you pointed out on the web version of chapter 59.  I have not made any corrections to the text version of the story yet.  I am going to wait and see if anyone else notices some errors.  Once I have fixed them all I will take the text from the webpage and wrap it to the 55 character width that Asstr likes and then repost the text version.

Although I habitually try to make it fancier than it really is, Alt Dragon's Inn spells the baron of the Montfort area's name as Carnarvon.  I have changed the spelling in chapter 59 to reflect that.  It seemed to have been largely spelled right in chapter 56, The Allure of Emeralds.

I also went through and changed the default background for all of the pages on the Rapina site to white.  This is because ASSTR was having trouble with excessive graphics on some people's pages so they implemented something where graphics stop loading on Asstr after a certain bandwidth quota is reached.  This included small background images like my parchment texture image.  If the image did not load, all of the Rapina pages would come out black and no one could read them.  Now the Rapina page backgrounds come out as white if the background image does not load.  Thus they can easily be read with or without the background image.

That's all for now.  I'll go back to working on chapter 60, Baladus.

-Rapina

date =  9/19/04
nickname = Lharlequin

comments = HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

"Please goddess grant Rapina the free time to punch out another kick arse chapter to the ongoing saga that graces the web and makes going back in time to start the internet as a secret CIA world domination project worth the time, money, and personal hardship."

date = 09/19/04
nickname = G.R.D.

comments = Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

Thank you very much, I'm SO happy!! But...

When is the next chapter going to be done? ;P Just kidding!!

Magnificent work was done in the story, and I agree with your point of view on taking time with the Bell/Mary relation.

I'm starting to miss our two bad boys, the necro and the "servant"... D

Another good point, the "ghost hand" is such a good idea, the connection with Mortaebius, and also Kent wandering around is adding suspense to the lot!

Keep up the perfect work! and take your time to write something royal!!

date = 07/28/04
nickname = Rapina 

comments =  Thank you for writing in, Lharlequin and G.R.D.  I was beginning to think all of the readers had evaporated, there was so little mail coming in.  I am busily working on the Baladus chapter.  I am glad you like the story to date. Even I miss Thane and Rames but they are busy with other things while Rapina is doing the Bellany act :)

date = 08/30/04
nickname = EAW

comments = WOOT!

Another chapter!! Was about to post a message ask'n if we'd ever see another! Glad to see I was proven wrong!! -)

Keep up the great work! Looking forward to many more! You really should think about trying to get it published!

E.

date = 09/10/03
nickname = mage_light

comments = This article might be of some relevance...

http//www.rpg.net/news+reviews/columns/vecna19jun01.html

Also, in various places where you write 'fait', I believe you meant 'fate'.

Keep writing. )

date = 09/12/03
nickname = Rapina

Oops sorry about fait and fate.  

Not sure what the above URL went to but it will not come up on my browser.  Perhaps it is no longer up or maybe it is in the members section.

-Rapina

date = 09/21/04
nickname = Wendal

comments = I love the story and am waiting with baited breath for the next chapter and would rather you write than deal with my mail so don't expect to hear from me again

P.S. I don't consider rapina or thom anti-heros more like freedom fighters

to much righteousness has always been a bad thing

date = 09/21/04

nickname = Commander Trent

comments = Most importantly I wanted to let you know that I am still checking regularly for updates. I am glad you are taking your time writing this story, as it really is a top notch piece of work. I admire your humbleness as you receive praise for your work. Most of all I adore your work.

Thank you Rapina for such an excellent story.

date = 09/29/04
nickname = Rapina

Hello everyone; today was in-box cleanout day.  Hopefully if I missed anyone's forum post in the spam that has now been remedied.  If not, please re-send as your post may have found its way into the great beyond.  Hopefully I got everyone on the message board.  Thank you all for writing in.  I am glad there are still people interested in Rapina's story.  Reader feedback really does boost my motivation and it does make a difference in how rapidly new chapters are written.

Thanks Again

-Rapina

date = 09/29/2004
nickname = Civilmage

comments = I believe my comments got deleted in the inbox cleanout. All I can say is how much longer before the next chapter? I have been checking nearly everyday at least once since the last chapter is written. I really like the story line. How do you put this? High Adventure, Magic, Monsters, and Great Sex! All of the elements of high fantasy.

I was just reading back through some of the chapters a few days ago. It was interesting to compare the Rapina of Captain Jack and the Rapina of Lord Norwit's daughter. They are similar and yet different. You see growth in the character as she adapts to her situation.

My comments were aimed at discussion of the alliance between Charles and Brunhilda Daelrath. I can't help but feel that the two border lords would see a great advantage in an alliance by marriage. I think Charles would not be to bothered about his bride not being a virgin - especially if she was tutored by Rapina. Although that is something that probably has to wait until Charles gets out of school. The school has too many social pressures.

Charles is loyal to his sister because she's his sister and Rapina has demonstrated wisdom and practical sense. Rapina has tried to tell Charles that she's not really his sister although he doesn't believe that but I think that one day he is going to realize there is too much that doesn't match. I think he will accept it. I think one day circumstances will place him and Rapina in a situation where he finds out her true nature and benefits from it. I also wonder if that wouldn't spark them to find out what really happened to Bellany. Perhaps Rapina could arrange through Mortaebius and/or Thane an interview where Charles is able to find out what really happened to Bellany - her side of the story if you will. That would probably be an interesting Chapter for everyone to read. Both in light of what Rapina experienced and how she adapted and Bellany and the Orc Shaman that loved her.

BTW all of us are sure that it is Kent lurking around the school looking for Rapina but it may not be. It could always be some other creature. Also will Avengene eventually fall as the Vindicator is subdued by Mortaebius?

Just a thought have you thought about putting up a guide to the Deities that are primarily involved in this tale. It might be helpful to identify them simply as reference. May be you could add it to part of the Legend of the Baronial Map.

How much longer?

Perhaps you can add a counter that will tell you how many people hit the site to see if there's a new chapter. I know that feedback is important. But all we can comment on is what's been written and speculate about the future. Of course I did offer once to fix dinner if that would help. I cook for the wife and daughters on weekends so one more wouldn't be noticed.

Best Wishes. Civilmage(a)hotmail.com.

date = 09/29/04
nickname = Rapina

Hi Civilmage, 

sorry I seem to have lost one of your posts :(  The above post is great though as it goes into some of your guesses about what is going on in Rapina's story.  Some of the things you guessed at were deadly accurate others were not far from the truth and still others were not close at all, but it is always very enlightening to see what people are thinking.  I am at a bit of a disadvantage for guessing what people think I am up to since I usually know what is going on in the story, although if I see a different idea that I really like, you never know how things might change :)

I am not sure when I will get around to posting the gods more formally somewhere but here is a list of the gods represented at The Vargrend Academy for Girls:

THE GODS of Temple Row (1 is closest to the keep-school all on North (girls) side of courtyard)

(1) Vulpasar - (god) nature and the hunt (looks like a wolfman)
(2) Vindicator - (god) Justice and redemption (Reverend Leland, Mary, Charles and the Norwit family)
(3) Libraziery or Libraziera - (goddess) wisdom / Knowledge 
(4) Nurtriste - (goddess) Agriculture (Vernon St. Varlans, Lord Bradley Bostwick) 
(5) Barraff - Commerce (Cleo, The Patel family)
(6) Virtusar - (god) battle, heros and manliness (Carnarvon, Dealrath)
(7) Mortaebius - (god) death (Headmistress Vargrend, Headmaster Bristol, Mayor Eagan, Guardian Moore, Rapina, Bianca Bristol, Baladus Vargrend, Elaina Crabett-Bristol, Alistair Vargrend)
(8) Amorra - Love (goddess)
(X) Thrimbler - The trickster, god of rogues

date = 09/30/04

nickname = Artemis

comments = I guess I was one of the unlucky ones whose feedback got lost in the void ( But that's okay, this epic is definitely worth another shot at a reply )

I just adore this story. It covers such a lot of ground, takes such interesting turns, and Rapina is a rare and wonderful heroine. She's a real survivor, and I really enjoy reading as she makes her way through all the varied adversities that befall her, and rather than feeling sorry for herself, she picks herself up and turns things to her advantage.

She's also, it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) wonderfully sexy, and not ashamed of it, which is the best kind of sexy there is. But that seems to me to be just her way of life, she doesn't let other people tell her how to behave - she's got her own code and standards, and she's loyal to them. That's really admirable.

Thanks for writing so many chapters, and I dearly hope there'll be many more - and that, soon, Rapina can get back her wardrobe of Argosian silk )

date = 09/30/04
nickname = Rapina

Er, looks like my autumn cleaning was a bit hard on people.  Sorry about loosing your post in the void, Artemis.  I am so happy you wrote the one above and are enjoying Rapina's tail.  I miss the silk lingerie too but alas, the task at hand requires Rapina to be without her underthings.

-Rapina :)

date = 09/30/04
nickname = Elessar

comments = >I was beginning to think all of the readers had evaporated, there was so little mail coming in.

Not at all. I, and I'm sure many others, still check regularly for the next update. I love the story you've written, just didn't want to drown you with too much praise. )

date = 10/13/04
nickname = EAW

comments = Rapina,

Looking forward to the next chapter! Please win the lottery and write full time! LOL anyway Keep up the great work!!

E.

date = 10/14/04
nickname = sb

comments = Well, if knowing that people do indeed check regularly for updates and really enjoy reading this story really does speed up the frequency of updates ... then please consider this to be 5 updates. I'm definitely enjoying these latest chapters a whole lot, especially since it feels that the story has moved from being a "one plot-line" (Rapina's development adventures with the pirates) type story to a "multiple plot lines" (Rapina's development with Thane and the brewing religious and political war) to a more intricate story with clear indication of "larger" religious and political realities, set in a particular time and place, strongly impacting Rapina and the various supporting characters. I encourage you to continue this since it really makes the story feel more complete and real ... unless, of course, doing so would have too much of an adverse effect on the story update rate )

date = 10/18/2004
nickname = Civilmage

comments = Do you have a tentative date for the next chapter? Like before Halloween, Christmas, next year? Maybe?

date = 10/19/04
nickname = Fawks

comments = /me would really like to see Baladus posted. You have a great story and I eagerly anticipate each new chaper. I almost feel like the customer in the Mervyns commercials. OPEN! OPEN! OPEN! ;)

date = 10/24/04
nickname = Rapina

Thanks in part to the inquiries above, Baladus is actually fully drafted and I have started on the beginning of chapter 61, The Fallen Angel.  I still have some editing to do on Baladus.  I always worry that I have left something out of any given chapter and will have to go back and put it in.  Nevertheless, I hope to have Baladus posted before the end of the month.

I looked the forum over and found a few posts in my in box that needed to get shoe-horned in.  I also replied to one or two of the ones that had languished in my box for too long.

-Rapina

date = 10/26/04
nickname = mage_light

comments = The article is about women warriors' advantages and disadvantages and how to take them into consideration when choosing weapons and combat styles in rpgs.

http//www.rpg.net/news+reviews/columns/vecna19jun01.html

The article is still up and I am not a member. Maybe javascript is causing the problem, try turning it off?

Rapina's personality reminds me of Jordan Cavanaugh (Jill Hennessy) in Crossing Jordan.

date = 10/31/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Thank you Mage_light, I got the article  to load for me and read it.  I guess I am not too far off on Rapina's choice of weapons.  A spear might be best but the rapier is much more flamboyant :)

-Rapina

date = 10-28-04
nickname = Tat

comments = Oh wise and illustrious Rapina,

We, who periodically check your site for updates, thank you for all of your efforts in continuing the story of Rapina travails and pleasures. You have delightfully managed to make a wonderful and epic fantasy tale that is truly a joy to read. Know that I, for one, appreciate all of the time and work that you have placed into this story. I eagerly await your next installment (that you mentioned is almost complete) as I have awaited your earlier chapters over years that I followed your novel. I hope that this post helps to spur your creative juices and aids in chapter completion.

A true fan,

Tat

date = 10/29/04
nickname = Epiphany

comments = New chapter coming out.......

SWEET !!!

I eagerly await it. This story has many memorable characters, and a sexy star! I must go back and read it all again, though the binder is cracked and the pages are dog eared.

date = 10/29/04
nickname = Rapina

Here it is, at the 11th hour, Chapter 60, Baladus, just in time for Halloween.  As with all new chapters, please let me know if you see any glaring errors.  Please also include enough text around the error that I will be able to find it to fix it.  I am positively sure there will be some errors since the chapter is fairly long and I spent a lot of my editing time inserting a few things that had been left out.   My thanks once again to Civlmage for pointing out some errors in the Inmates chapter.  That was a big help.  I hope you will have time to do the same for the Baladus chapter.

My thanks to everyone who has written in.  Without you, things would get done much more slowly if they got done at all.  Tat and Epiphany helped motivate me to finish the final read of the chapter and now at long last the draft is posted to the web and ftp sites.   

-Rapina

date = 10/29/04
nickname = EAW

comments = Cheer! Yet another chapter! I enjoyed it Rapina, please hurry with the next one! Your doing a great job! Please give us a Christmas present Rapina!!

E.

date = 10/29/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Thank you E.  I will try to have  chapter 61, The Fallen Angel, done by Christmas.  

date = 10/29/04
nickname = Elessar

comments = Whoohoo! Update. Again, much praise and love. )

date = 10/29/04

nickname = Fawks

comments = Yahoo! A new chapter! Now begins the long grueling wait for the next chapter. ;)

On another note. I use firefox for my browser, and the text in the chapters and forum posts have a bad habit of turning an annoying pink/purple color when my cursor is anywhere in the page. I don't know if its just my system or not. Just thought I would say something about it.

date = 10/30/04
nickname = Lharlequin

comments = Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Your devoted fan

Lharlequin

date = 10/30/04
nickname = Epiphany

comments = Wonderful!

I'm in love, (lust ?), with a girl named Belle.

Your writing just keeps improving. Thank You for your masterpiece.

By chance, will the next chapter be out tomorrow???????

date = 30 Oct 2004
nickname = Elizabet

comments = Yay! Another Chapter )

And I've already finished reading it. *sigh* I'll just have to prod some friends into sending you feedback so you feel super-motivated and finish the next chapter early!

Thank you for writing such a great story!

--E.

date = 10/31/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  Thank you everyone for writing in.  It really does help me stay focused on writing.  I am busily working on chapter 61, The Fallen Angel.  I will wait a bit until anyone who wants to sends word of errors in Baladus.  Then I will go in and correct them all at once.

-Rapina

date = 10/31/04
nickname = Wendal

comments = please write more rapina

I check constantly for more of this story.

Sometimes I reread whole thing just for the heck of it but this can get stale. So please keep on writing.

ThankYou!

WARNING GRAMMAR  AHEAD :)
(Rapina in red)

date = 11/01/2004
nickname = Civilmage

comments = I am so looking forward to the next chapter. I read this on Friday but did not have time to provide editorial comments until today. I hope you don't mind. Also if you want to email any rough drafts I would be happy to make comments and then send them back to you. All of my comments or editorial remarks are enclosed in (). I did end up making a few commentary remarks. I couldn't resist. I do want to know what is in Bellany's diary and poetry.

Bellany was just lying to Mary.  There are no poems or philosophical thoughts in her book. As you probably recall the ghostly Lady Elaine told Rapina that there were books on cryptology in the boys' library.  Rapina has written her spell book in her own personal code but she cannot tell anyone what the book really is.  She has to have a cover.  Since it is in code they cannot tell what is actually in there but they can tell it is a book that is important to her.

I hope this helps. What I ended up doing was reading, pasting the passage with the problem into a Word document, making the change. After all of the comments were collected I copied and pasted them into the forum box.

It works for me.  I really appreciate the editorial help.  I always miss things during the editing phase.

Bellany knew the skeleton key Cooyman had made her, based on the impressions of the two keys she had given him, worked on the library door. (insert commas) It separates the descriptive phrase from the main sentence.

Fixed.

The walls of the corridor straight ahead of the entry door supported three tiers of stone plagues (plaques) on either side.

This Bestow Life Force spell is a lot like the healing spell I do but, (insert comma) this one only banishes fatigue.

Fixed. -I hope those stone plagues are not contagious :)

It was next to the school leach's office… (I think the spelling is leech)

Fixed.

Mary looked at Bellany. The longing in her eyes was palpable. (Whose eyes?) Bellany or Mary? Since both are strained by the current circumstances both could feel a sexual longing.

Mary's eyes -Fixed.

Mary flopped onto her bed. "Vindicator forgive me," She said.

Bellany smiled and slid into her own bed. "Goodnight Mary." (Maybe Bellany would say something more like …"it’s not the Vindicator whose forgiveness you need. The question is can you forgive yourself. But then I guess that would mean you would have to change which god you favored, wouldn’t it? Well ,Goodnight Mary."

She could say that but Bellany is not trying to seduce Mary nor is she trying to change Mary's religion.  Belle is actually trying to leave Mary alone, it's just that she slips on occasion. :)

She recited the prayer above the door and headed towards Baladus' sarcophagus. (Baladus’s)

She greeted the skeletons and made her way into the room that held Baladus' spellbook. (Baladus’s)

My Grammar book says that either   s' or an added   's  is correct depending on if you expect people to pronounce the added syllable.  For instance Jesus' and Sophocles' are correct but boss's and waitress's are correct and in the case of names like Jones, both Jones' and Jones's are correct.  I decided Baladus was more like Sophocles and Jesus.  Thus Baladus' is correct.  

and that is all I remember before waking up in a leach's clinic in Northern Norwit with bruising that went clean through every part of my body. (leech’s)

Baladus nodded. "Inspiration and learning are of life, and Amorra, the goddess of love and lust has gifted you with a great measure of both. You will be able to use the power of Mortaebius and the lust spirit to draw the life force of others to enhance your own. Lady Elaine told me that your life force is pure lust." Baladus chuckled. (Just a comment ­ I really like the way you identify the god(dess) that is most closely aligned with Rapina’s abilities. I like how both death and life are woven together as part of the same coin. Without one you cannot have the other. It would seem that somehow at Vargrend’s, then again maybe not, Rapina could learn more about this Goddess and her practices.)

Thanks :)  She may be able to through Cleopatra, but of course she has to keep up her vindie girl cover.

Bellany nodded. "I had my taste of powerlessness. I took on the powers of the lust spirit that in a desperate effort to escape the clutches of an evil man. (delete "that" so it reads "spirit in a desperate")

Fixed.

I tried to convince myself that you had overacted, (overreacted).

Fixed.

"Oh my, you really should not say, should you? I feel so embarrassed now that I know you are the life of death. I should have known better than to pick on a beloved servant of Mortaebius." (Life of death appears as a title in this sentence. What does it mean? 

In the ritual of consecration for graveyards, one priest always plays the part of the dead and the other plays the part of the living.  The priest playing the part of the living is the life of death.  A pious priest of Mortaebius is sometimes referred to as the life of death.  You are right about the capitalization, however.  I changed it to Life of Death.

The Life of Death in capitol letters is something more but Rapina is too humble to think she is anything special because the god of the dead happened to inhabit her body for a few minutes while he punished a couple of beings who were trying to thwart/fool death and violate his realm.  She does not understand the nature of the wisdom of gods and the wings of fate.

Where does it come from? Shouldn’t it be capitalized then- Life of Death. How is it that Lady Elaine knows and calls Rapina a beloved servant of Mortaebius? I know Rapina has done some important things for Mortaebius but why is she beloved. It almost appears that she is more important than Thane. How does Lady Elaine know about Rapina’s standing with respect to Mortaebius?)

Lady Elaine knows because she is a longtime worshipper of Mortaebius and she was in the room just a few minutes before this conversation when Baladus and Belle were going over Belle's newly recalled memory of when she invoked Mortaebius while in his realm.  Baladus underscored the significance of the event.  He said that Belle had known death and had been touched by Mortaebius. (Bonk!)

"I already have,(") Lady Elaine said. (")If the healing was not enough, seeing you with the skeletons and with Baladus was. Chastity may not be among your virtues, but you have heart. That is far more important in the long run. I grew adept at using the lust of Bristol to gain a small measure of power, but I could take no joy in it the way you did with Timothy in the library. In a way I am very jealous of you. I never got to be a naughty girl. My life was too dire. Were it not for Alistair I would have lost the greater portion of my mind. I know I must have lost something or I would not linger here as a ghost.(") (A mystery to be solved in coming chapters?)

(")Enough of this talk (,)you would not be with us if Mortaebius did not have work for you. I will do my best to help you learn. I have only a small measure of telekinesis. Baladus is much more powerful than I, but he is so undernourished that it does not always show. Baladus has had a few other students over the years, but most of them were Vargrend(‘)s 

No apostrophe here.  Most of them were Vargrends is like saying most of them were Thompsons or Babcocks.

and priests of Mortaebius. The book you are looking at is the third incarnation of Baladus'(s) spellbook. The first two are only dust and memories."

This is okay as per Sophocles' or Jesus' spellbook.

Bellany nodded. "I need to copy down all of the spells and everything pertaining to telekinesis. When I was learning the drain spell, it was techniques and refinements from a more advanced spell known by my mentor that finally helped me to cast my first real spell. First(,) I had better jot down some notes on the Ghostly Whispers spell." (new P)

Fixed

Bellany quickly jotted down some personal notes on the casting of Ghostly Whispers, and then she turned to the page where the Ash Kinetics cantrip was located. She hesitated. "I cannot just copy this. I am impersonating a vindicator girl. If I am caught studying magic, I will get locked up in a convent or worse."

"There is a book on codes in the boys' library," Lady Elaine said.

"(delete extra ") Bellany nodded. "For now I will just translate the notes into orcish except for the actual verbal components to the spells.

Fixed.

read one of the books Cleo had burrowed (borrowed) from the temple of Amorra, 

(okay so I missed this part before but a comment about what she discovers might be interesting… Like does it become something she shares with Mary, Is there a practice that even Rapina might find a bit weird? Is it something like the Kama Sutra?)

It has not yet been developed.  At this point it is just something Bellany put off because she was tired.

She completed the first and second tier drain spells including Draining touch one, Draining touch two, the first drain at range spell and a drain over time spell called Leech one. (This is purely commentary and is entirely up to you as you’re the author. I wonder if it makes sense to use the term Level one or Tier one? How do you look at magic and say this is a 1st level spell like we do in D&D? In engineering, law, medicine, or music we don’t say this task is 1st level, 2nd level, etc. In Wiccan texts some things seem to be divided up into circles such as noviate, acolyte, 1st circle etc. These represent a body of knowledge that represents the depth of study involved in a subject ­ ie Physics 101, 201, 301. Perhaps Tier is the best method to describe what is meant as you describe the technical difficulty, power, and expertise needed for any given spell.)

I did not want to use level because it has been used to death but generally speaking I wanted spells like Draining Touch that are very common to necromancy to have gradations of power.  Obviously a spell that sucks a little life force from a victim and makes him tired for ten minutes ought to be easier to learn than one that drains all the life force out of a victim and turns his body to dust.  

The principal is the same but the amount of power, difficulty and expertise is different.  The numbers give Rapina some clue as to which spells of the same type are easiest and thus ought to be learned first.  I suppose I could have used circles or something that would have sounded more mystical.  I suppose I could change it but I had not really put a lot of thought into that particular detail.  The spells just say -number one, or -number two so it is pretty ubiquitous and just tells a person what spell by the same or similar name is easier.

Lady Elaine smiled. "Good luck then, Lady Lust." (delete ")Remember to practice your magic during the coming week.(")

Fixed.

"I have no idea if he can actually cast spells. He probably cannot but better safe than sorry. As you have probably overheard, the vindicator has made war on Mortaebius. The Order of the Shroud has been awakened."

"I have heard bits and pieces." Lady Elaine said. (This just reinforces my earlier comment about how does Elaine know?)

Saint Varlans cleared his throat. "Let's see, who do I want to sit with (,) an average looking guy with one title or a heart-stopping redhead with two great tit-les?" Vernon Saint Varlan's grinned.

Fixed.

"You would have to be a fairy not (to) drool over Belle," Loyd Carnarvon said.

Fixed.

"Okay, Loyd, Verne,(") Bellany said, drawing on the lust of each man as she said his name.

Fixed.

Bellany smiled as she tugged Jordell's lust. He acted as if he had no interest in women, but she knew his game. Men were safe and fun to bother. A little fun with them could actually be simply fun. Yet women might be more interested in Jordell's title, his name and his money than they were in him. It was an irony that Red Jack had made his estranged family extremely wealthy by avoiding the ships of the Jordells while terrorizing the Augustana River. 

(Do you mean to imply that Jamie might actually be straight or bi and that only Rapina knows the truth? If true talk about a plot twist, Wow!)

(Bonk!) Bellany figured out that Jordell was Bi at the ratings ball.  He never overtly looks at women but she can sense lust and thus figured both Jordell and Belgado out right off - that's all in Chapter 58, Memories.

After lots were drawn to see which team was to start the Harold made his announcement. "To begin this event Arnold Rees will shoot for the Academy of the Rose.(")

Fixed.

Thank you! Thank you! Civilmage :)

-Rapina

(This one actually came after the post below it but I wanted to put both of the error reports in one place for easy reference.)

date = 11/05/04

nickname = Graylore

comments = Ah! Another excellent chapter. May they keep getting longer!

You said you wanted any glaring errors, but really there aren’t any. I mean, there are a lot of errors, but they’re all equally trivial. Well, here they are anyway, from top to bottom. Happy Hunting or Excuse to Reread, although this lot could be titled Mostly Quotes

Yes those quotes are easy to leave out when writing fast and easy to mess up when changing things.  I really appreciate you reporting them, however. 

Original Excerpt

Corrected Version

To rise only in the direst need,

To rise only in the direst need,"

Corrected

Stop it! Bellany commanded

"Stop it!" Bellany commanded

Corrected

tear. Bellany held up her ghost hand. The ghost cowered. Hold still. Bellany was about to attempted

tear." Bellany held up her ghost hand. The ghost cowered. "Hold still." Bellany was about to attempt

Corrected (also missed a missing end quote one line above this that ended in, "rip and tear.")

hen they wished to get in. The skeleton knocked

when they wished to get in." The skeleton knocked

Corrected

take my torch to the far corner of the room, Bellany pointed

take my torch to the far corner of the room," Bellany pointed

Corrected

Draining Touch -number one, Bellany read

Draining Touch -number one," Bellany read

Corrected

I am pleased to meat you Guardian Baladus

I am pleased to meet you Guardian Baladus

I guess Guardian Baladus did need a little meat on him but that is beyond Bellany's capabilities ;)

you and these boneheads. Bellany motioned

you and these boneheads." Bellany motioned

Corrected

have a night light," Bellany whisperd

have a night light," Bellany whispered

Corrected

Mary whispered. It is just not fair. What makes me so... off?

Mary whispered. "It is just not fair. What makes me so... off?"

Corrected

Thankfully it is a relatively warm night tonight so you will not have to resist all that lust.

"Thankfully it is a relatively warm night tonight so you will not have to resist all that lust."

Corrected

repeat the night before last.

repeat the night before last."

Corrected

wall sconces. Then went

wall sconces, then went

Corrected

brought some candles and writing supplies.

brought some candles and writing supplies."

Corrected

third ghost I heard about?

third ghost I heard about?"

Corrected

What spell might you use?

What spell might you use?"

Corrected

of the lust spirit that in a

of the lust spirit in a

Corrected

eradicated. The ghost hesitated. Was the evil man of whom you spoke reverend Evangeline Avengene?

eradicated." The ghost hesitated. "Was the evil man of whom you spoke reverend Evangeline Avengene?"

Originally there was a spot earlier in the scenes with Baladus and Elaine where Bellany did mention Evangeline by name but I corrected that out.  I have now also fixed this error.  Thanks :)

"I already have, Lady Elaine said. If the

"I already have," Lady Elaine said. "If the

Corrected

"Bellany nodded. "For now

Bellany nodded. "For now

Corrected

Bellany waved. One of these days

Bellany waved. "One of these days

Corrected

"Where were you? Mary asked from the darkness.

"Where were you?" Mary asked from the darkness.

Corrected

thought feverishly As Mary got

thought feverishly as Mary got

Corrected

try something, Lady Elaine. Bellany

try something, Lady Elaine." Bellany

Corrected

It did, although you needn't worry about me. I feed easily.

"It did, although you needn't worry about me. I feed easily."

Corrected

back, Bellany said. Tomorrow

back," Bellany said. "Tomorrow

Corrected

Lust." Remember to practice your magic during the coming week.

Lust. Remember to practice your magic during the coming week."

Corrected

"You conniving girl! Lady

"You conniving girl!" Lady

Corrected

Are you officiating at the pie bake-off again?

"Are you officiating at the pie bake-off again?"

Corrected

Mary lied there open-mouthed

Mary lay there open-mouthed

Gah! Foist by lay and it's odd sisters again!

and the whole Briana Barter

and the whole Brianna Barter

Corrected

someone appreciates me. Bellany yawned

someone appreciates me." Bellany yawned

Corrected

sleep, Belle? Charles

sleep, Belle?" Charles

Corrected

"Okay, Loyd, Verne, Bellany

"Okay, Loyd, Verne," Bellany

Corrected

hands of the looser since he was

hands of the loser since he was

Corrected

eccentric." Bellany smiled. Some of the boys

eccentric." Bellany smiled. "Some of the boys

Corrected

Since She was now close

Since she was now close

Corrected

"Again congratulations, Bellany waved. It was nice meeting you also Maxfield. I must see if I can find a spot to stand for the crossbow event. I doubt Bristol will let me sit in _her_ bleachers.

"Again congratulations," Bellany waved. "It was nice meeting you also Maxfield. I must see if I can find a spot to stand for the crossbow event. I doubt Bristol will let me sit in _her_ bleachers."

Corrected

"Ooo! She squealed as

"Ooo!" She squealed as

Corrected

whispered. Jamie would be so envious of me. This morning it seemed he fancied having you in his mud. Bellany

whispered, "Jamie would be so envious of me. This morning it seemed he fancied having you in his mud." Bellany

Corrected

will shoot for the Academy of the Rose.

will shoot for the Academy of the Rose."

Corrected

loosing his grip," Bellany said. It is bad

losing his grip," Bellany said. "It is bad

Corrected

<Is The Harold a title, or is it supposed to be The Herald? Several instances>

Eeep 6 instances oops.  Yes it was supposed to be Herald.

Nespet shooting for The Academy of the Rose

Nespet shooting for The Academy of the Rose."

Corrected

Rees is now up for his second shot.

Rees is now up for his second shot."

Corrected

Norwit comes from behind overtaking Nespet twenty-three points to twenty-two!

"Norwit comes from behind overtaking Nespet twenty-three points to twenty-two!"

Corrected

"Bellany giggled. You are so bad

Bellany giggled. "You are so bad

Corrected

waved as he sauntered off."

waved as he sauntered off.

Corrected

Charles growled. I am so sorry Belle."

Charles growled. "I am so sorry Belle."

Corrected

Steefl faired similarly against

Steefl fared similarly against

Corrected

Steefl's opponent had faired no better

Steefl's opponent had fared no better

Corrected

staid the course as if made of stone

stayed the course as if made of stone

For past and past participle of "stay"  Websters says both staid and stayed are correct, but I'll change it anyway since you add "ed" to most every other word to get the past form.

*********

Hope this helps! Looking forward to The Fallen Angel!

~Graylore.

It helped immensely.  Thank you very much, Graylore!

-Rapina

date = 11/5/04
nickname = Rapina

comments =  E. Also sent corrections but did not want them posted here.  She was the one who informed me that Baladus had turned into Baladas.  My memory stores things as sounds and sometimes that changes spellings but the original Baladus spelling was correct and it took some doing to change it back in chapters 59 and 60.  It originally appeared in chapter 57 spelled as Baladus, the way I originally wanted it.  If you say Baladus rapidly it can easily come out sounding like Baladas and thus the reconstructed spelling becomes Baladas but once the name is spelled Baladas there is a temptation to pronounce it as Balad-ass and that is not how it is supposed to be pronounced.

E also noted that the "r" in Reverend Evangeline should be capitalized but I am very bad.  Whenever someone not of the Vindicator says "reverend so-and-so I deliberately do not capitalize it even though it technically should be capitalized..  Unless I make a mistake you will find Bellany will, for example, say reverend Leland and Guardian Moore.  Usually I will capitalize Reverend if a believer like Mary says it.  Errors can, of course, mar my consistency.

There were many other capitalization errors that she found that were just errors and were not at all deliberate.  Hopefully they have been corrected. but I need to get a full color version of the error file in order to see some of the errors.  Thus editing is ongoing.  I have also done a slight re-do of the paragraphs where Rapina and Baladus are talking about spells.  I wanted there to be a sense that there are spells that basically do the same thing but have basic and progressively more powerful and more difficult versions.  Although Draining Touch III may be more difficult than Draining Touch I, Draining Touch III may be easier than Animate Dead I.  Thus I needed to clarify that there really are not levels or circles of mastery in Rapina's world.  Baladus simply organizes similar spells from the simplest to the most difficult.

-Rapina

date = 11/02/04
nickname = brudin

comments = yeah, i like it like that.

sorry if i dont write much, but i am a reader not a writer. i look every day to see if another chapter are on, continue like that i love it.

Brudin, palanain de Moradin.

Glad you are enjoying the story.  -Rapina

date = 11/08/04
nickname = wendal

comments = skeletons

"she had no idea if any spirits had been bound to the bones to enable them to animate themselves"

As I understand it, spirits are not bound to skeletons they use necromantic energy in place of a soul.

date = 11/5/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = There are any number of possible explanations for how necromantic animations may work.  In Rapina's world necromantic power strengthens the link between a person's departed spirit and his fallen bones.  The departed still exist both in whatever afterlife they are enjoying/enduring yet they also become linked to their bones in the material world. almost as if they were dreaming of an alternate material existence.  For most animations the link is weak and the spirit is not aware of its alternative existence on the material plain.  Like anyone who is semiconscious, normal animated skeletons are none to bright.

For more advanced animations the link is stronger.  Flaming skeletons, for instance endure the flaming pits of the lower plains and the flames from the realm they reside in pass through the link between their tormented spirits and their remains. Animations that can think, speak and act with a will of their own have a much stronger link and are conscious of their existence in the material world..  They may actually flip flop in that they may be less conscious of being in the afterlife although they realize that they are.  Skeletons in Rapina's world are essentially ghosts bound to their remains while still remaining in the afterlife.  The magic helps them to hold their bones together and move their bones as they once did in life. 

I realize that in every book and game the authors all have their own take on necromantic animations but that is essentially how they work in Rapina's world.  Each skeleton is unique.  The skeleton of Mick is not the same as the skeleton of Lieutenant Gage.  Their personalities do not come out much, however, unless they are advanced animations like death skeletons such as Roger.  The Mortancers of Mortaebius traditionally use the skeletons of evil dead because it is actually often a relief for them to get a break from their afterlife and have an opportunity to exist in the material world.

-Rapina

date = 11/12/04
nickname = wendal

comments = I just reread your post on Bellany as a warrior woman and one thing you have to remember about history, is that history is not truth or even the winners truth but the truth filtered by many different people over the years

date = 11/13/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = Yes I understand history is rather variable and what really happened is not always what is recorded, (as you will see in one of Baladus' speeches in, The Fallen Angel.)  In addition most fantasy settings are not true to medieval history, they are simply more like medieval history than they are like any other period of history.  Thus I have a bit of poetic license in creating Rapina's world and in her world the warrior is an important figure.  This was apparently the case historically in medieval Europe but I am sure it was quite variable depending on the local culture to be considered.

date = 11/14/04
nickname = Sosseres

comments = Thank you for letting us enjoy your writing.

Something that bugged me throughout the story were errors in the html/css coding of the page. I am using mozilla firefox as my browser and on several chapters the entire text got the annoying color of the hover effect of a link. Even thought the text isn't a link, which resulted in me being unable to keep the cursor in the window /

Also, I noticed you used fait in place of faith on numerous occasions throughout the chapters.

date = 11/15/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = The hover ink has been removed thanks to E who cleaned up my style sheet and showed me how to reference one style sheet for the entire site. There are some parts of the site that may still have the old style sheet but all the actual chapters have been changed as far as I know.  If you find one that is still bad, let me know I probably missed it.

As for fate and fait, yes, I apologize, it is a consistent error of mine.  I am trying to keep an eye out for it in new chapters but I have not tried to revise it out of all of the old chapters.  That sort of thing eats up time I could use for writing.

date = 11/15/04
nickname = AT

comments = Please Mam, May I have some more?

For the love of God, quit your day job and just write!

Seriously, This is one of the best series on the site.

Keep it coming.

Thank you AT.

-Rapina

date = 11/17/04
nickname = Artemis

comments = Thanks for another great chapter <g>. I enjoyed following Rapina down into the tombs, as she thought her way through each step. That 'ghost hand' of hers is quite handy, huh? Sorry, dreadful pun... <g> It seems like she's slowly becoming a kind of Mortaebian champion of sorts, that's an interesting direction for her to go in. Especially considering how strong-willed she is - destined champion or not, I'd wager no-one - not even the god of the dead - is going to tell Rapina what to do, unless she decides she agrees with it on her own <g>.

One other non-story-related not - just today, the feedback forum and all the chapters have suddenly started appearing in this barely readable font, all scratchy and spiky - is that supposed to happen? It's no big deal, I can just read the pages as plain text, I'm curious though.

Anyway, thanks again, looking forward to the next chapter. Oh, and I had a thought, two in fact - firstly, if Thane and Rames are still keeping an eye on 'Bellany' now and then, they must no longer be in any doubt as to her true identity; and secondly, could the tomb be consecrated as a graveyard, and thus become a teleportal for the Graveyard Mists spell?

date = 11/16/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = Yes her hand is handy, it is pretty much the exit wound for when Mortaebius occupied her body for a moment during the, Land of Desolation, chapter.  

As for Thane, it is true if he did tune in to watch Bellany in the middle of the night and see her in the tomb it would confirm his suspicions about her possible identity.  Unfortunately, for over a month if he tuned in on her during the after bedtime hours all he would have seen was a sleeping young woman, thus is is unlikely that he would check her during the hours he would find her in the  tombs because in the past she was always asleep and watching her sleep would be a waste of time since it would not give him any clues as to whom she might be.

The tomb probably already is consecrated as a graveyard since it is the crypt of a family that traditionally worships Mortaebius.  This would mean that Thane could Graveyard  Mists to the tomb unless it is warded against teleportation magic.   In the unlikely event that Thane tunes in at an odd hour of the night when Bellany is in the tomb, he would be able to see Bellany unless the tomb is magically warded against remote viewing.  This is certainly possible since Baladus was a wartime necromancer.  Were it warded, Thane's attempt to skry Bellany out would most likely fail, or if he were particularly successful or he began to smell a rat he might realize that there was some sort of magical interference.   

As far as the font, there is a list of fonts on the style sheet, all are script fonts because the idea of the web page is script on parchment.  The first choice for font is Monotype Corsiva which is a script-like font but is easier to read than actual script.  Some of the later choices are not as easy to read as Monotype Corsiva is.  If you don't have Monotype Corsiva then you are no doubt stuck with a less readable and more strictly script font.  Thus the story will look more like black ink on parchment but it will also be harder to read.  I think Monotype Corsiva is a nice compromise.  It offers a script-like tone but is easier to read than actual script.

-Rapina

date = 11/16/04
nickname = G.R.D.

comments = Thanks for going on writing the story, I never get bored of reading (and re-reading...) all the chapters, while I wait for the next one to get posted.

Keep up the good work!

PS I did see a couple mistakes withh the " missing at the beginning of some dialogues.

date = 11/17/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = /nods.  Yes unfortunately I do sometimes forget quotes on one end or another of dialog.  Thankfully a few readers have written in showing me where missing stuff was in the last chapter.  If you have a moment while you are reading, please past the sentence with the missing item in it into a mail and send it to me with a very short explanation like, " Missing quotation marks."  Thank you :)

-Rapina

date = 11/17/2004
nickname = Civilmage

comments = Rapina,

I've gotten to where I enjoy reading the forum almost as much as the story. The background information or additional explanation often helps understand parts of the story. I'm just wondering if there is anything we can do to help you write? I know from my own experience that a lot of times it is just sitting down and writing. Sometimes it's hard especially when real life is in the way. Sometimes it's easy when you're at an exciting part of the story. I know that sometimes you need someone to bounce ideas off of and I understand how the forum helps with this and is important to you. Best Wishes and Happy Holidays. Sincerely, Civilmage

date = 11/17/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = Readers on the forum have helped me fix problems with my .html / CSS code.  They have spotted and shown me the locations of pesky errors so that I could fix them, and they serve as beacons of encouragement and motivation.  I really appreciate the readers who write in to this forum because they bring so many good things my way.  Without it, the Rapina saga would not be as good and it would not see as much improvement as it has since the first chapter was written.  Thank you Civilmage, you have been great with your comments and editing help.  You have done about as much as anyone can do to help the story along.  I really appreciate all of the readers who have helped make the story come together.  I hope to have Angel ready for you all by Christmas.

-Rapina

date = 11/19/04
nickname = Daniel

comments = What address should I send email to?

I sent one to you @gamebox, but I got no answer, so I assume thats the wrong address?

date = 11/17/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = Rapina(a)GameBox.net (The at sign has been adulterated to prevent viruses from scanning my address from this  page) is the correct address.   After percolating through ASSTR all forum posts come to me via that address.  Forum posts are clearly labeled, however.  I do get a fair amount of spam.  If the subject of your mail looked like an advertisement for something I might have trashed it.  I looked through my trash box but did not see anything but hoards of advertisements but I am not sure exactly what I am looking for and exactly when it was sent.  Sorry I could not find it.  Please resend it.

-Rapina

date = 11/28/2004
nickname = Valoran

comments = Dear Rapina,

I have been, and currently am, intrigued by your series; have you considered turning it into a novel or a series? I am sure you could get it published with a bit of work; it will not be too long, Robert Jordan, in fact has a series that is probably longer and his works are immensely popular; I am confident that yours would be as well. On to my next question I know that you had a co-author for part of the series, do you have one now? Once again this is an excellent work (I am referring to it in the singular tense in the hope that it will become a published novel) and I will be happy to assist you in any way possible.

Sincerely,

Valoran

P.S. I am looking forward to reading the next chapter.

date = 12/25/04
nickname = Rapina

comments = Merry Christmas Everyone!  Chapter 61, The Fallen Angel, was posted as of about 3:30 EST Christmas Day.  I also put up the most recently edited version of Chapter 60, the one where Lady Elaine explains that there really are no tiers of spells per se.  I am behind on pasting up the forum posts.  I hope to get caught up within the next few days.  I could use any error reports from anyone who has a sharp eye. (please include enough text surrounding the error that I will be able to find the error to fix it.)

Thanks

-Rapina

date = 11/04/2004
nickname = Civilmage

comments = Could you let me know if you got my feedback comments?
Thanks.  (I did)

date = 11/19/04
nickname = Daniel

comments = What address should I send email to?

I sent one to you @gamebox, but I got no answer, so I assume thats the wrong address?

date = 12/01/04
nickname = shadowonce

comments = How is Fallen angel going? Are you still motivated and working?.... please

date = 11/10/04
nickname = G.R.D.

comments = Just a message, to remind you that all your readers are still keping an eye out for the next (and the next, and the next...) chapter(s).

Keep going, I'm waiting for X-Mass, when you'll have finished chapter 61!!!

nickname = Lharlequin

comments = Happy Holidays!

date = 12/13/04
nickname = wendal

comments = just so you know i am still eagerly awaiting the next chapter thankyou for writing

date = 12/18/04
nickname = Crypt Rat

comments = I was protest your comments:

date = 07/18/03
comments = Wow, thanks. My ego is swelling up ;) Actually I am aware my writing still fits in the "amateur" category but I hope to continue to improve with time. "

and many others.

If this is an amateur work then the bookstores shelves are full of amateur writers. I have read many fantasy authers over the years and no story has the life that you and your co-writers has breathed into this one. I have looked at many books I have started reading and found them lacking since reading your story. I have seen more than once in the forum others calling for you to publish, I concur and and would buy the book in a moment. I picked up the story a few weeks ago and spent 3 days gathering the locations for all the parts to read. I now wait with longing for the next chapter.

Thank you for sharing you mind with us.

Crypt Rat

date = 12/20/04

nickname = Artemis

comments = Merry Christmas Rapina!

In gratitude for sixty chapters (and counting) of exciting, intriguing, enthralling and unfailingly sexy adventure, may I present the following product of messing around in Photoshop

http//alia.customer.netspace.net.au/rapinamap.jpg

(I put up a copy of this map linked to the map page as well.  It's great work.  Thanks Artimis -Rapina)

date = 12/21/04

nickname = Civilmage

comments = Merry Christmas. I hope winter solstice finds you well and happy. I was wondering if you're going to finish Fallen Angel by Christmas. If not don't worry about it. Yes there will be thousands of disappointed readers but remember that this season is about family friends and those we love. Fans are important too but those closest to us are the ones we need to hold most of all because there comes a time when they are not around to hold. Only our memories of them keep them with us in this season. Best Wishes.

(Thanks, got it done and posted on Christmas afternoon -Rapina)

date = 12/23/04

nickname = Graylore

comments = G’day! On the subject of spell levels (or lack thereof), you could have different mages speak of them in different ways, depending on their thinking. Thane doesn’t think of progressions at all, possibly because he’s a specialist who deals chiefly with very advanced necromantic spell variations. Baladus thinks of spells in mathematical progressions, and has taught Bellany / Rapina that idea. Another mage might think cantrips, basic spells, derived spells, advanced derivations, and combined derivations. Another might think mathematically but in different terms (Primary /Secondary /Tertiary, Circles, Ranks). At any rate, it might help make it clear that there aren’t spell levels, per se.

Also I was curious ­ is Rapina going to be zapped back into her old body at some point, or will she learn to shapeshift ala Vulvilea / ‘Cause I kind of like her as a redhead, and it would be cool if she could change back to Bellany once in a while!

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Graylore.

date = 12/24/04
nickname = Cyclops

comments = Sorry to be so long in posting here again. Rapina is definitely one of my favorite story arcs in a well thought out and presented world.

Each time a new chapter comes out I devour it way too fast and am left anxious for more, heh. Keep up the excellent work!

One small web style problem for me is that I find the font used on the boards for the chapters very hard to read. I end up copying it as plain text for legibility, but that strips some of the immersion away...

date = 12-24-2004
nickname = Jack

comments = Well, you're series looks okay from reading a few chapters, but I can't recommend it to anyone because the fonts suck. You should try adding a javascript that changes which fonts will be used to display the page. (It would have to use variables and CSS). That or change all the stories to a readable font in the first place.

date = 12/25/2004
nickname = Rapina

comments = Here is the font list from the page: 

"Monotype Corsiva", "BlackChancery", "Signet Roundhand", "VladimirScrD", "CommercialScrD", "PhyllisIniD", fantasy, sans-serif

As I have said before, the motif of the web page is script on parchment.  Actually the first two choices are script-like fonts.  I chose them because they look script-ish but are easier to read than actual script.  If you don't have either of them on your computer than you are probably looking at the page written in one of the purely script fonts that begin after the second choice.  Modern people are often not used to script and find it  hard to read.. ASSTR  does provide plain text, however.  I could have used a very readable font like Times New Roman or Courier, but since there is already a plain text version I wanted something different for the web version, something more medieval. 

-Rapina

I'll do more comments / answers to the forum later.  This should be all the posts from people who did not say not to post them.

date = 12/25/04

nickname = EAW

comments = Rapina,

Greatly enjoyed the chapter!! Looking forward to Rapina's further adventures! Hoping to see another chapter sometime sooner rather than later! Your doing a great job you really should publish it someday!

E.

nickname = Lharlequin

comments = Thank you for the new chapter!

btw you dont have to post this I just am to lazy to see if you have a direct email address )

date = 12/26/04

nickname = Temudjin

comments = Thank you very much for the nice present. I still keep checking every few days for new additions to your tale.

Have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

Temudjin

P.S. Here my small contribution to the nitpickers guide for your next revision

<snip> (This was a nice list of errors that I have corrected )

date = 12/28/04

nickname = Graylore

comments = G’day! You beauty, another great chapter! I’ll comment, but first a list of corrections, just in case everyone else missed one. 52(?) corrections, 2 suggestions. In order

<snip>  A very good long list of errors that I have corrected 

<A suggestion. Bellany giggles too much. Maybe she could laugh instead once in a while if she’s not trying to be quiet, and she’s with someone she’s comfortable with>, eg

Bellany giggled. "Then it must be true. No wonder father has common

Bellany laughed. "Then it must be true. No wonder father has common

A couple of comments, if I may presume.

I love how you switch between scenes in these later chapters, staying with Belle’s POV but changing the supporting cast and subplots. Mary & the Vindicator. Cleo & Nimbus in The Search for Other Religions. The Search for Magic (& Ghosts). Charles & The Athletes Village. Bianca & the Headmistress. So many different threads, each with a slightly different pace. I love that! You didn’t do it so much in the early chapters ­ you changed points of view instead, but it wasn’t as elegant.

I look forward to seeing where some of these threads go. On that subject, with the foiling of the ‘snub’, a little of the dramatic tension goes away. Perhaps Bianca & Company should get more devious, or something else should go wrong to raise the tension. Vindie hotheads running amuck or burning temples, Belle getting caught or coming under suspicion as a witch, Kent murdering and partially eating someone (heh, maybe Thane shouldn’t have been distracted by whatever-the-hell-he’s-doing), Mary’s relatives coming to call, a natural disaster of some kind to stir things up, or an orc raid (was it really orcs?), or, well, anything, I suppose. Just something to make the tension return, because the Bellany chapters have been really great, and I look forward to more twists and turns as you come up with them.

p.s. Should these correction posts be posted on the forum? They’re very long. Maybe the lists of corrections for chapter 60 should be removed from it, now that those corrections have been made? Also, elsewhere, on the contents page Baladus is Baladas, and it is still the Alllure of Emeralds. And it’s way back in chapter 56, but I noticed there’s a King Solomon's mine, and that was really jarring. Might I suggest an Elf-King’s Treasury or something else that’s not anachronistic? But if you don’t have time for all of that, keep writing instead!

Have a Happy New Year! Resolution I Keep Writing!

~Regards, Graylore.

date = 12/29/04

nickname = G.R.D.

comments = I'm delighted by this new chapter! The story keeps getting deeper and more intense.

The everlasting question when will the next chapter be finished? =)