Becky Cried - My Commentary

Spoilers ahead. Read the story first!

I wrote this story for another author, who not only wrote a story that I found incredibly arousing, but who was also extraordinarily kind to me at a time when I was feeling pretty blue. Thank you again, M.! And I hope you liked the story!

This one started as a simple exhibitionism story. At first, I thought it would be a story of exhibitionism begetting more exhibitionism. Perhaps the exhibitionism would help add a little spice to a relationship that was going a tad stale?

So I wrote a flirty narrator, who was showing the first signs of dissatisfaction with his relationship with Becky. As part of writing the flirty part, I stumbled across the sentence "Becky cried." For some reason this sentence caught my fancy. I liked the way it sounded, the repeated "k" sounds, the interesting vowel progression. The similarity of the beginning "b" sound and the ending "d". I didn't know what to do with it, but damn it, I liked it!

I wrote the first half, up to the beginning of the sex scene. I then skipped ahead to the post-coital part. When I found myself repeating the action from the beginning of the story, the part where she was listening to her belly. And I realized - he should be able to hear her heart! And that brought a tear to my eye. Repeating the "Becky cried" line seemed like a perfect match. The title became official.

It also made the whole point of the story the narrator's turn-around. At the beginning of the story, the guy is being a bastard. Becky feeling a little down? Why not have a roving eye? The jerk.

I wrote the sex scene with a lot of fuck-me's in it more as an exciting dirty-talk whim. But reading what I had written, it struck me as someone calling out for something. What if "fuck" meant the same thing as "love"? That seemed like something I could use. It turned out I had some love/fuck word exchange going on earlier in the story already. I just needed to add a little more.

As far as parts I like, I think the three-paragraph description of "the Becky I love" is some of the best writing I've ever done. And unlike the other stories I've written, the sex scene in this one actually arouses me a little. I also like the part where she opens her purse and her pantyhose are in there!

I tried a few random writing tricks, too, some of which worked, some of which didn't. I tried to play with my words a lot. Alliteration, repeated vowel sounds, cadences. Damn, I wish I knew something about poetry! I also used proper names a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if the word "Becky" was the most common word in the whole story.

If I would criticize the story, I'd say it's a little unfocussed. The final sex scene feels tacked on. The rain is superfluous. Ironically, the voyeurism part feels a tad bit out of whack with the story. The story rambles a little.

I also had a hard time maintaining the narrator's voice. I wanted him to be talking in a playful tone as a hint - that at the time the story is being told, things are good between him and Becky. I tried to use a lot of word play, but I found the word play hard to do, and I don't think I kept the playfulness level up the whole time.

But it was still a fun story to write. And maybe most important of all, it helped distract me from some heavy stuff for a few dozen hours. I swear, Becky and M. were the only people keeping me sane for a few days!