16: THE MAGPIES

 

   Cats and birds always lived pretty smoothly together in Catsville, despite one or two minor squabbles. But things took a nasty turn for the worse the day a flock of marauding magpies flew in. The magpies came in a big black and white cloud, and settled noisily in an oak tree close to the Catsville hospital. They talked and talked, and kept on taking off and flying round and round in noisily cawing circles, and then landing and shouting at each other again, arguing about which branches they wanted to sit on, and losing their tempers, and then pecking each other furiously, until the hospital doctors and nurses were nearly at their wits' end.

   The hospital's chief doctor, a long thin white cat in a white coat called Dr. Thompson, came out to beg for a bit of peace and quiet, but the magpies merely laughed at him. ‘It's a nice tree,’ they cawed. ‘Very comfortable, very homely. Suits us right down to the ground. We like it here.’

   ‘But this is a hospital,’ Dr. Thompson miaowed in protest. ‘How would you like it if you were in hospital, trying to have a good rest because you were ill, and a whole lot of noisy birds kept you awake?’

   The magpies made rude noises. ‘We're magpies,’ they cawed back at him. ‘You call us noisy, but we think we're sociable, even if we do ruffle each others' feathers from time to time. Everyone knows we're very chatty birds. We can't be blamed for just doing our magpie thing.’

   Then they all made rude noises again, and began building a nest. The nest was the biggest and messiest the Catsville cats had ever seen, with a mass of branches and twigs sticking out in all directions, and it looked exactly like a giant hedgehog stuck in the oak tree's topmost branches. They also made matters worse by dropping twigs all over a hospital path that ran past the base of the oak tree, making life very difficult for invalid cats that used the path for hobbling.

   Dr. Thompson complained again, but the magpies ignored him completely. He rang the Catsville police station, and two cat constables came and stared at the magpies very fiercely, but the magpies cawed even more rudely, and began bombing them with acorns until the constables beat a hasty retreat. Cat-tv sent a film crew, but that only made matters worse, because the magpies loved the attention, and danced cheekily on their branches.

   Matters became so serious that the Catsville council called a special meeting. Several councillors wanted to cut the oak tree down, but Dr. Thompson pointed out that chopping down a giant oak might well create even more disturbance than a crowd of cawing magpies, whilst there would also be nothing to prevent the magpies simply migrating to the tree next door.

    So the council voted to double-glaze all the hospital windows, and for a while cats and magpies lived in an uneasy peace. Then the magpies began stealing. They only took little things at first, like sets of cats' eyes stored at the council depot for marking roads, and the occasional coloured lightbulb from a display round the Catsville town hall that was only lit up on special occasions.

   But after a while they grew much bolder. Cats began losing portable TV sets, and small catfood cookers, cat baskets and fur fluffers, and a friendly sparrow told Roxanne - who was studying bird talk before graduating from kitten school - that they had begun planning to furnish their nest really very stylishly indeed.

   ‘It's going to be ever so comfy,’ it cheeped admiringly during kitten school lunch break one day, whilst Roxanne was practising miaowing as though she had a beak full of feathers. ‘I bet they start taking your carpets next. I heard some of them plotting something like that just now.’

   Roxanne stared at the sparrow in horror, because she knew her parents' carpets were the best in Catsville, woven from the fur of the very finest Persians.

   ‘Look.’ The sparrow pointed with its wing at a flock of magpies flying overhead, heading in the general direction of Roxanne's home. ‘That's them, I'd recognise their tail feathers anywhere.’

   Roxanne called to the other Mighty Mousers, and they all rushed after the flock, which had now begun to fly round in circles, cawing excitedly. The magpies had plainly found something they liked very much indeed, and Roxanne knew with a sinking feeling that they were circling her home.

   The Mighty Mousers ran as fast as they could, but they found three large magpies blocking Roxanne's doorway as they arrived, whilst more magpies struggled inside the house to roll up her parents' very best carpet of all.

   ‘Out of the way, moggy,’ cawed the biggest magpie of the three, a fierce looking bird with a gold chain around his neck. ‘Don't give us bother, or we'll peck you to pieces.’

    Roxanne recognised the chain as one her father had given her mother as a wedding present, and her heart sank right into the claws of her front paws. She began to cry as several little groups of magpies struggled into the air, with the first little group holding her parents' best carpet in their beaks, whilst they flapped their wings for all they were worth, and the other little groups followed, carrying her parents' other carpets. But the biggest magpie just cawed at her mockingly and flew off after the carpet-carrying magpies towards the hospital.

   The Mighty Mousers held a council of war at Merlin's workshop that evening. Salem asked Merlin to magic all six of them, including Roxanne and Fluffy, into magpies for a few hours, so that they could raid the magpies' nest in disguise.

   But Merlin shook his head slowly. ‘Can't be done, can't be done,’ he said slowly, with the kind of look wizards have when they know they are being asked to do the impossible. ‘I can change you into magpies, no problem, it just needs a flick of the wrist,’ and he flicked his wrist in a strangely circular and spellbinding sort of way. ‘But once you're magpies, you'll be magpies, and the same kind of thieving birds as all the others - and I'll have no way of telling you apart to change you back.’

   ‘Can't we all wear little chains around our necks?’ asked Roxanne, who could still see her mother's gold chain shining against black feathers.

   Merlin looked thoughtful. ‘You'd still be magpies.’

   ‘Couldn't you give us wings?’ asked Oliver. ‘Then we could disguise ourselves as birds.’

   Merlin half closed his eyes, as though he was trying to imagine Oliver covered with feathers, and began to laugh. ‘I could try,’ he said, his words struggling to get out through his laughter. ‘But I think you would look very strange.’

   Then he thought for a minute. ‘But I might be able to turn you all into temporary owls, just for an hour. Owls frighten magpies, and you should be able to get your carpet back if you look fierce enough.’ And with that he began to mutter at Oliver, and to sway on his feet, moving his hands in curious patterns.

   Oliver's nose shrank back into his face, and his eyes grew very big and round, his fur began to change into feathers, and a moment later he was a bird. For a moment he did not move, but then he flapped his wings and let out a very convincing 'tu-whit tu-whoo' owl sound.

   The other Mighty Mousers drew back in alarm, because kittens are rather afraid of owls, especially as Oliver the owl made a little lunge at Fluffy's tail, hooting with owl laughter as she jumped several inches into the air.

   But Merlin was already working his spell on Nathaniel, and then on Jack, and Salem, Roxanne and Fluffy, and moments later six little owls began practising flying - whilst Fluffy got her own back on Oliver by tugging at one of his tail feathers.

   Merlin held up his hand. ‘Remember, this spell only works for an hour,’ he said. ‘After that you'll all change back into kittens.’

   The six Mighty Owl Mousers tu-whooed their gratitude and took off for the hospital, flying in a neat owl formation. They flew at top speed, but slowed as they neared the oak tree, settling along the branch of a nearby elm to avoid being noticed.

   They could see magpies busily coming and going, with several gangs carrying rolled up carpets and other stolen goods into the nest, and it was plain that the magpies had also posted a number of guards.

   ‘I think we should fly in and act very fierce,’ whispered Oliver, who as the first kitten owl felt he should have a major say.

   ‘We must grab the magpie with the gold chain and take him prisoner,’ whispered Roxanne, who wanted to recover her mother's chain even more than her parents' best carpet.

   The six little owls all nodded wisely, and sharpened their claws.

   Salem flapped his wings. ‘Let's go.’ He let out a fearsome owl call, and the six kitten owls flew like six little feathered bullets straight past the magpie guards into the centre of the magpies' nest, which was now a very comfortable place indeed, with rows of comfortable little cat baskets, each with its own little television set, arranged in rows on edge to edge carpeting, and the magpies' dinner set out on a row of saucers in one corner.

   The magpies cawed in astonishment at the sight of the attacking kitten owls. But they were cowardly birds, and quickly surrendered, with not one daring to peck at the invaders. Roxanne recovered her mother's chain, and hung it on her own feathers, whilst Salem told the magpies to take everything they had stolen back to its rightful cat owner.

   ‘Then you must dismantle your nest and go,’ he said fiercely. ‘Otherwise we'll shred you.’

   But whilst Salem was lecturing the magpies, Merlin was studying a clock in his workshop with a look of great alarm. ‘Oh, my magic stars,’ he muttered to himself. ‘I think I only worked a half-hour spell instead of a longer one.’

   He began to hunt for his magic carpet, because he had a dreadful feeling that trouble was only moments away.

   He was right. Just as he looked at his clock a second time the kitten owls began to change. One moment they were fierce little birds, with big eyes and cruelly hooked beaks, the next moment they were furry again, and not very frightening at all.

   The magpies stared at them in amazement, and then began to caw with laughter. ‘Well, well, well,’ said the biggest magpie, snatching Roxanne's gold chain back. ‘Now who's going to shred whom?’ And with that he swooped at her, tugging a small tuft of fur from her shoulder.

   Salem boxed at the magpie with his paw, but the bird was too fast for him, and the magpies clustered round the kittens in a menacing circle.

   ‘We're going to teach you kittens a lesson,’ the big magpie hissed in a cruel voice. ‘By the time we've finished with you you'll wish you'd never been born.’ And he swooped again.

   But instead of pecking at Roxanne again he fell forward on the floor of the nest, and suddenly he was no longer a big black magpie with shining black and white feathers, but a life-size magpie carved in black and white marble.

   The other magpies all stared at him in horror, and then looked up, to see a large grey cat dressed in a blue silk robe embroidered with gold stars, hovering just above them on a small carpet.

   ‘Merlin!’ Roxanne cried, and the five other kittens all heaved a big sigh of relief, because the big magpie had really given them a very bad fright indeed.

   ‘I see that I've arrived just in time,’ Merlin purred, lowering his magic carpet onto the floor of the nest as the magpies cowered back. ‘I'm sorry I got my timing wrong on the owl spell, but I think a short spell was better than turning you permanently into kitten owls.’

   He reached over the edge of his carpet to pick up the marble magpie, and studied it with interest. ‘Hmm, I think this one stays a stone bird forever.’

   The magpies all cawed in alarm, but he glared at them fiercely. ‘It's his punishment,’ he cawed back, because Merlin - as a wizard - could speak every kind of animal language perfectly. ‘This is a lesson to you to stop stealing, and return everything you have taken. Otherwise I'll turn you all into marble magpies, and the council can use you to edge the flowerbeds in front of the town hall.’

   The magpies were terrified, and did what they were told, replacing everything they had taken. They also took their nest apart, and cleared all the twigs blocking the invalid cats' hobbling path, and then they held a big meeting on the oak branches, and cawed a great deal - but now much more quietly.

    Merlin kept watch on them, and explained to the kittens that they were voting to elect a new flock leader, and discussing what to do next. He also cawed a bit himself, pointing at the sky, and after a moment of thought the magpies all took off at once, heading up into the sky in a big black and white cloud.

   The cats never saw them again. But the hospital kept the black and white marble magpie on a little marble stand at the hospital entrance, as a warning to other birds to behave, and from time to time sparrows would perch on it, and tell each other stories about the day the magpies met their master.