11: RUDI

 

   The Catsville cats were all very fond of shows. They had an annual goldfish show, and regular displays of dancing up and down trees by the racing squirrels, flying spectaculars by Merlin and the Catsville sparrows and pigeons, and lawnmowing contests organised by the lawnmower sheep. Butterflies flew in from time to time to present special flutters, ponies stopped by to prance on their hind legs, and sometimes performing dogs did tricks - though many of the cats were rather doubtful about having dogs in town.

   One day the kittens stood hopefully outside the Catsville town hall, waiting for news of the next big attraction, when a council worker put up a brightly coloured poster showing three big black spiky beasts puffing clouds of fire and smoke.

   ‘They're dragons,’ miaowed Nathaniel, whose father sold fast cars, and who liked to think of himself as a very knowledgeable kitten.

   ‘They're coming to give a flamethrowing display outside the town hall tomorrow night,’ read Roxanne.

   The other Mighty Mousers stared at the poster with big round eyes. None had ever seen a dragon, so they were all just a little afraid. But they all knew they would never miss a flamethrowing display.

   Next day they joined a big crowd of waiting cats, and curled their tails patiently round their toes. The dragons had parked a big trailer in front of the town hall, and cat police kept a space clear for the display.

   Some lawnmower sheep settled down on the town hall square lawn, and crowds of sparrows and pigeons chattered and cooed in a clump of nearby trees.

   Suddenly there was a hush, as a big fat dragon came waddling out of the van. It looked at the cats, and let out an short sharp blast of orange flame and black smoke. Then a second fat dragon waddled out, and let out a blast of golden flame and white smoke. The third dragon was rather smaller, not much more than a kitten dragon, and its flame was greenish blue.

   A smart black cat stepped out in front of the dragons, holding a microphone. ‘Good evening, queens and toms and kittens,’ it purred. ‘Tonight I bring you the Dragon Family, the world's fiercest and most dangerous animals. They have the power to crisp your fur to a cinder with a single breath.’ The smart black cat stepped back at this point, and the three dragons blew out terrifying sheets of flame.

   The watching cats shrank away from them in terror, and one or two more timid cats actually fled. The sheep watched spellbound, and even the sparrows forgot to chatter.

   Then the smart black cat returned, and behind him two helper cats pushed a kind of large wheel. The smart black cat flourished a paw. ‘Now the Dragon Family will show you some more amazing displays.’

   The smallest of the three dragons climbed onto the wheel, and began to puff fire and smoke. The wheel began to turn, and soon dragon and wheel were spinning for all the world like a giant catherine wheel. Then the two big dragons began blowing fire and smoke in rhythmical puffs, turning the night air into a spectacular firework display.

   The show went on for the best part of an hour, though from time to time the three dragons broke off to refresh themselves from pails of paraffin.

   They blew flames that danced in the night air, and smoke rings that floated through each other to form chains, flames that raced out in great gusts towards their audience, and flames that crept in little tongues of fire along the ground.

   The cats cheered and cheered at the end of the show, and the dragons took several bows, and then blew more flames in patterns as an encore.

   The next day was a holiday, so the Mighty Mousers met at the dragons' van in the hope of collecting an autograph or two. However they found the small dragon sitting on its own, looking rather nervous.

   ‘My parents have flown off to see some friends,’ he told them, in a voice still husky from breathing so much fire the night before. ‘I'm staying here, in case Martha flies in.’

   He went on to tell the kittens that he was called Rudi, and that he had grown very lonely, being a young dragon with nobody to swap flames with except its parents. ‘So I joined a dating agency that looks after dragons when they are away from Dragonland, and asked them to send me a nice young dragoness,’ he explained. ‘We swapped photos, and sent each other a couple of letters, and then she announced that she would fly to meet me.’

   At this point he looked more nervous than ever, and began puffing out little spouts of smoke.

   The kittens all took a few prudent steps back, just in case Rudi got carried away in his excitement, and began grilling the air around him.

   ‘You must be very excited,’ Roxanne said diplomatically.

   ‘I'm frightened out of my wits,’ Rudi replied, letting out a fierce little blast of flame. ‘Swapping photos and letters is one thing. But I would have liked to know her a little better before meeting her. She might be much too hot for me.’

   At that moment there was a great flapping sound overhead, and a moment later a very fat young female dragon settled heavily at Rudi's side. The newcomer eyed the kittens, and let out an unfriendly puff of flame in their general direction, making them back even further away. Then she folded a stubby wing around Rudi's neck and sent a little flame sizzling up his cheek.

   Rudi smiled doubtfully, and the newcomer sizzled him again. The kittens watched in fascination. They had never seen dragons before, let alone courting dragons, and thought it all very strange. Roxanne and Fluffy also thought it most romantic.

   The newcomer began to bark at Rudi in dragon. But somehow her barks began to grow fiercer and fiercer, rather than softer and softer, and the kittens saw that he had begun to struggle. Fortunately his parents then flapped in to land, but it was plainly a tricky moment, and they decided to retreat gracefully.

   That evening they naturally went to the dragon show again. This time all four dragons put on a spectacular act, with Martha, the newly arrived girl dragon, doing flaming cartwheels in the air, before dancing with Rudi on the tips of his parents' flames. All four dragons looked very pleased with themselves at the end of the show, and the Mighty Mousers agreed between themselves to invite all four to put on a special show for their graduation from kitten school, which was now less than a week away.

   Next morning they gathered again eagerly outside the dragons' trailer. But they soon realised that something was badly amiss, for they first heard a great deal of barking, and what sounded like some serious flamethrowing, and then the air began to smell heavily of burning paraffin.

   A moment later the trailer door flew open, and Rudi came tumbling out, looking rather singed.

   The kittens all backed away in alarm, and then backed away further as Martha came out of the trailer, barking furiously, and sent a really angry jet of flame dancing around his ears.

   Rudi waited for her to vanish back into the trailer, and then rubbed his eyes with his forepaws. ‘I can't handle her, I really can't,’ he told the kittens, and blew out a series of smoke puffs, that in any other animal might have been tears. ‘She's ganged up with my mum and dad against me, and they're making my life hell.’

   The kittens hid themselves behind a nearby bush, where they thought they might be reasonably flameproof.

   ‘Hasn't she come to keep you company?’ asked Fluffy cautiously. She did not want to say anything that might make Rudi start flaming again.

   ‘She's come to try and take me over,’ he replied with a fresh puff, and this time the puff brought out a small jet of fire. But he blew his fire into the air, safely above the kittens' heads.

   ‘Mum and dad think she's just right for me, because she's fierce, and show dragons are always fierce. But I'm not fierce at all.’ Here he let out a fresh set of small puffs, and his voice trembled. ‘In some ways I'm not cut out for dragon life at all. I'd much rather settle down and find a nice job as a central heating unit, or something like that.’

   The kittens made sympathetic noises, but they were not really sure what to say. Salem thought of his father, who worked at the Catsville town hall. But he doubted whether Rudi would take kindly to sitting in a basement blowing flames for several months of the year, and all the cats' shops and homes and offices seemed pretty warm in winter anyway.

   Just then the trailer door swung open, and one of the two older dragons waddled out. The dragon began barking in a most bossy tone, and Rudi quailed.

   ‘It's my mum. She says dinner is ready.’ He sighed. ‘I bet it'll be coal again - dad stocked up with enough to last for months and months before setting out on tour, because it was on special offer.’

   Oliver licked his whiskers. He had never eaten coal, but the thought of food made him hungry. ‘I'd settle for a nice bit of grilled fish.’

   Salem shot up into the air. ‘That's it.’

   The other kittens all looked at him in astonishment.

   ‘Grilled fish,’ he went on excitedly. ‘Rudi could become a cook, doing grills and barbecues.’

   ‘And toasts with thick layers of sardines,’ Oliver said dreamily.

   Roxanne, who was a practical kitten, and fast becoming a very good cook, made a face. ‘Everything would taste of paraffin.’

   Salem brushed her objection aside. ‘We'd feed him on other things.’ He eyed Rudi, who was now slinking back towards the dragons' trailer. ‘What else can you eat?’

   Rudi paused at the trailer door, and closed his eyes. ‘I like wood,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘Applewood best, but other fruit woods as well, and a bit of pine on the side. You can make a lovely salad if you drizzle a pile of fruitwood with a gallon or two of olive oil, and sprinkle with pine cones.’ He smacked his lips, but then opened his eyes sadly. I really ought to work in a timber yard. I don't know what I'd do to earn my keep, but I know I'd be happy.’

   With that he disappeared into the trailer, closing the door behind him.

   The kittens walked home to their dinners very thoughtfully. Catsville already had plenty of cafes and restaurants, but cats like to eat out, and a new grill sounded very tempting. However they all foresaw major problems - not least in protecting Rudi from Martha, and possibly from his parents into the bargain. Finding Rudi a restaurant and organising constant supplies of tasty wood might also prove a little tricky.

   They agreed to talk the matter over with their parents, and trade helpful ideas when they met again for the dragons' evening show.

   The four boy Mighty Mousers all looked a bit glum when they met. They had racked and racked their brains, but they were still searching for an answer. However Roxanne came bouncing up to them with her whiskers twirling.

   ‘My dad's had a brilliant idea,’ she purred excitedly. Fluffy, who was already in the know, beamed a kitten beam. ‘Dad's getting some of his toms to bring a load of fruit wood at the end of the show. It's going to be soaked in olive oil, and covered with pine cones, and he has promised a load of oak chips as a side serving. We'll see if the dragons like it, and ask them to come and provide a barbecue for our graduation party.’

   ‘But they'll make everything smell of paraffin,’ said Nathaniel, who was nothing if not a knowledgeable kitten.

   ‘No, they won't,’ retorted Roxanne tartly. ‘We'll insist on them drinking nothing but olive oil for at least two days before the party, to get paraffin out of their system.’

   Jack eyed her doubtfully. ‘What about Martha?’

   Roxanne waved her paw briskly. ‘We'll deal with her later.’

   Sure enough, a truck belonging to Roxanne's father's supermarket chain purred into the town hall square just as the dragon show came to an end, and a group of hefty tom cats pushed a big barrow piled high with wood towards the dragons' trailer.

   The dragons all twitched their noses, and Roxanne ran up to the smart black cat and whispered into his ear. The smart black cat began to laugh, and barked some dragon. The four dragons blew hungry little flames, and licked their lips, and crowded round the barrow.

   Later, when they had chewed their way through most of the wood, and were tidying up the last straggling chips, Roxanne outlined her barbecue idea. Rudi's mother and father seemed a little doubtful. They had been show dragons for quite a long time, and they were very proud of their act. But Martha, who was really a very fat young dragoness, hopped and down with excitement. It was plain that she viewed the barbecue as a ticket to all the fruitwood she could chew, and there was no holding her back.

   So the dragons drank nothing but olive oil for the next few days. Then they grilled great piles of meat and fish, and toasted great heaps of cat biscuits, for the kittens' graduation party, and threw in a spectacular flamethrowing display after the cats had all eaten, by way of showing their gratitude.

   The cats loved it. Roxanne's father was so impressed that he promptly offered to open a new Dragon Grill next to his main supermarket, with the four dragons providing both the catering, and a cabaret act to follow. Cats queued all the way along the street to eat at the Grill on opening night, and it was almost permanently full from then on.

   The dragons were so pleased that they gave up travelling for good, and made the smart black cat their head waiter. And Martha's temper?

   Well switching from paraffin to olive oil quite softened her heart, and made her really quite good natured for a dragoness - though like all dragonesses she sometimes had bursts of fiery fury. But Rudi kept a stack of fruitwood logs and oak chips piled permanently by the back door to the Dragon Grill, because he knew that Martha much preferred chewing wood to blowing flames, and she never, ever, tried to singe him again.