; ; One afternoon, my friends and I were in a dorm room, sitting around ; passing a joint. There was a new girl, named Rebecca, hanging out with ; us. She was apparently a friend of Jeff, a friend of mine. He ; introduced her as someone he'd met at summer camp a couple of years ; ago, and she was in town visiting him. I was curious to find out more ; details, but didn't want to ask.
; ; She was slightly overweight, but kind of cute. She was kind of quiet, ; and apparently hadn't got high too many times because she kept going ; into these giggling fits and then acting all embarrassed about it. She ; had short brown hair, and really gorgeous blue eyes. Her tits, which ; of course were the first thing I checked out, were medium-largish ; size, probably a C cup.
; ; As the afternoon wore on I finally admitted to myself that I was ; attracted to her, since I was a little overweight myself. The girls ; that looked like the playboy models I was always jacking off to were ; very unavailable to me, probably because I lusted after them so badly ; I couldn't even talk to them. Every now and there would be a ; semi-intellectual hot chick that would hang out with us, but we were a ; little too intellectual for most people.
; ; Rebecca was different though. None of the other guys I hung out with ; (that were straight) really seemed all that interested in her. They ; seemed to treat her like she was a tolerated house guest, which I ; guess she was. She had just sort of showed up in town, begging for a ; place to stay.
; ; Later, we decided to head off to one of our favorite spots to hang ; out, a secluded little park out in the countryside by the river. As ; usual, I and a couple of others brought our guitars to plink on while ; we drank and got even higher.
; ; When we got to the park we built the pre-requisite campfire, even ; though it was getting to be almost too warm for one. As we settled in ; for an evening of social fun, I made sure to find a spot to sit right ; next to her. I didn't have to give one single dirty look for the ; privilege, it seemed Jeff and I were the only ones brave enough to sit ; by her.
; ; Through the evening we did our normal thing, which was to discuss ; whatever the freaky subject of the day was. I think we wound up ; discussing some book by Aleister Crowley, and his ideas of using the ; Tree of Life to categorize and compartmentalize understanding of the ; universe. I told you we were freaky intellectuals. You didn't believe ; me, did you?
; ; So after an hour or so, the group (there were about eight of us I ; think) fragmented into smaller conversations with comments crossing ; over between groups.
; ; Shay, the drama queen (and one of the two admitted fags), stood up and ; starting reciting Edgar Allan Poe, high as a kite. His arms would ; flail and his head would rock from side to side as he affected some ; half-British, half-midwest accent that always cracked everybody up. I ; think he always did this half for attention, half because he loved ; poetry and half because he enjoyed cracking us all up. The attention ; and cracking us up part are pretty much the same thing, I guess.
; ; "Lo, tis a gala night within the lonesome latter years! An angel ; throng, bewinged, bedight in veils, and drowned in tears, sit in a ; theater to see a play of hopes and fears, while the orchestra breathes ; fitfully the music of the spheres."
; ; Of course, that was my cue to start some little guitar riff I'd done ; once when he was acting out like this. It had become a ritual, and I ; kinda liked it. As he went on, I played faster. He was working up to a ; frothy spittle. I was surprised he could stand, scream poetry and hop ; around while dead drunk. But, then, he was always a surprise. Then ; when the last stanza came, I would slow it down as he did also.
; ; "Out - out are the lights - out all! And, over each quivering form, ; the curtain, a funeral pall, comes down with the rush of a storm, ; while the angels, all pallid and wan, uprising, unveiling, affirm that ; the play is the tragedy, 'Man,' and its hero the Conqueror Worm."
; ; As we finished, Rebecca laughed and clapped along with everybody ; else. And then, when we had all quieted down, she gave me The ; Look. Every man knows the look, that's the one women give you when ; they WANT you.
; ; I didn't even notice it when she did it, because I'd never had a girl ; I was halfway interested in give me The Look. Usually, it was some ; really ugly girl, and she wanted me on some false pretense - not ; because of anything I was proud of being or doing. I know that's ; probably a bit complicated, but "a considered life" has implications ; that a lot of people don't, well, consider.
; ; But here - now - was a real flesh-and-blood girl that I was attracted ; to, and she was attracted to me. Thankfully, my guitar playing keeps ; me from spending all of my time smoking and drinking. What I mean is ; that if I had been as high and drunk as Shay, I'd have passed right ; out because a large volume of my blood went straight into my ; dick. Since I was only slightly high I was able to avoid hypovolemic ; shock, although I did get a little dizzy for a bit.
; ; I struck up a conversation with Rebecca. I found something completely ; new, and that was a conversation with a member of the opposite sex ; where both of us knew that the other was ready to fuck at any given ; time.
; ; Laugh, go ahead. It's not like I was a virgin, but I was virginal ; enough. Getting drunk and fucking some girl whom you barely know is ; generally the aim of most college students, and I'd pulled it off a ; time or two. Okay, once.
; ; It was a new kind of high for me. As a matter of fact, I kind of ; wished that I wasn't high at all, so I could really experience the ; feeling. We talked about things, even though we didn't have much in ; common. We talked about dreams (the sleeping kind) and dreams (the ; future kind), the things that any two humans always have in common.
; ; I kept playing the guitar, trying to remember anything I could that ; would impress her. She wasn't impressed by Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath ; or Rush. Getting desperate, I tried the few riffs I knew of the normal ; radio fare. Every time I'd play the two bars I knew of the song, she'd ; look expectantly at me for the rest of the song, or ask me if I knew ; the words.
; ; Eventually I gave up trying to impress her and just farted around with ; chord progressions that I liked.
; ; "That's pretty, what is it?" she asked.
; ; Thinking amazingly quickly for being neither on my feet nor having a ; full supply of blood to the brain I said "Oh, just something I made ; up."
; ; Her eyes lit up. "You wrote that?"
; ; "Uh, yeah. I did," I ventured. It was true enough, I was just making ; it all up off the top of my head.
; ; She gave me the first non-shy smile I'd seen, and scooted over closer ; to hear. I was playing really softly, and the group was working itself ; into a fairly good roar. Of course, that meant that she was now ; actually touching me. I surprised myself by not freaking out at all or ; getting nervous. I just smiled and kept playing.
; ; By now, everyone was getting totally shitfaced. Quite a few joints had ; been around the circle, and the sixth bottle of Boone's wine was being ; emptied. I had noticed that Rebecca had passed on most of the tokes ; (although not all) but had taken plenty of drinks. I was nearly sober ; by then, because I usually volunteered to drive. I guess I liked ; living.
; ; Rebecca had been pressing closer and closer in to me until she was ; holding me as I held the guitar. I could feel her breasts press into ; my back and left side and had been enjoying the hell out of it for a ; while now. She had stopped talking some time ago, and I guess I was ; thinking she was just enjoying being close. But when things were wound ; down and it was time to think about finding a tree to piss on and ; closing down the party, I realized that she was passed out.
; ; Then it hit me - we weren't going to be fucking tonight. I guess I had ; assumed that we were going to go back and find some private spot to ; make out, make love and then sleep in each others arms. It had seemed ; pretty much inevitable, but now it was unlikely.
; ; I entertained thoughts of taking her over to my apartment and making ; separate sleeping arrangements. Then we'd wake up in the morning ; before class eat breakfast and maybe each other.
; ; I approached Jeff and asked "So where is Rebecca staying? She could ; stay at my place -".
; ; "Dude, are you taking advantage of drunk women now?" he ; interrupted. "She's staying at my apartment, I have an extra room and ; a bed. Would you help me get her into the car?"
; ; That nixed it, I didn't want the only person she trusted in town to ; think I was an asshole. "No way, man. I just wanted to make sure she ; had a place to crash, that's all."
; ; Jeff and I loaded her into my car. I checked with Chad, the guy ; driving the other car to make sure he was safe, sane and sober. He ; was.
; ; We drove back to town, and I helped Jeff take Rebecca up a flight of ; stairs to his apartment. She was halfway conscious and kept saying ; "Oh... I think I'm gonna be sick."
; ; I was holding her under one arm and Jeff the other. All I could think ; of was how good she felt and how much better she would feel without ; any clothes on. After we were in Jeff's apartment, she said she had to ; go to the bathroom. We helped her to the door of the bathroom and she ; seemed to be able to stand well enough on her own to handle it. Jeff ; didn't really want to help her and I really did, but had to pretend I ; didn't. We left her to it and waited outside the closed door.
; ; After five minutes, we hadn't heard anything and Jeff pounded on the ; door. "Are you alright in there?"
; ; "Yesh," she slurred. We heard some activity and the toilet flush. She ; opened the door a bit later. We helped her down the hall to her room ; where she collapsed on the bed. I gave her a lecture on sleeping on ; her side so she wouldn't choke on her own vomit and she promised she ; would stay that way and then went right to sleep.
; ; I said goodnight to Jeff and headed to my car. My mind was a swirl of ; thoughts and emotions. I couldn't get my mind off of how it felt to ; have her next to me all night and how it would feel to be inside her.
; ; I got back to my apartment, stripped off my clothes, and laid down in ; bed. My dick was rock hard and I knew I'd never be able to sleep. I ; choked the chicken and cleaned up the mess, no need for the assistance ; of Penthouse at all.
; ; The next day I got out of bed without a hangover, one of the best ; advantages of sobering up before the party was done. I ate the usual ; breakfast of scrambled powdered eggs and chili powder and headed for ; class. I thought a lot about Rebecca, but had a full day so tried to ; concentrate on what was in front of me.
; ; I went to my Comp Two class at nine and sat down beside Shay. Shay ; groaned, "You asshole. I hate you." Thankfully, we were the only ; people in the room so far.
; ; "What's up buddy, having a rough morning?" I laughed.
; ; "I think I'm gonna die," he whispered. His eyes were bloodshot and the ; whole cliched bit.
; ; "Man, you look like shit. That's no way to impress the boys, gay boy." ; Both of us were midwestern, but somehow I never could understand the ; attitude most guys I knew had toward gays. I knew I wasn't gay, and ; Shay knew he was. What did it matter? We could joke about it without ; getting any feelings hurt. Besides, he only hit on me when he was ; really drunk.
; ; "Yeah, well, you should stop chasing pussy and get yourself a real ; man. Like last night, had some fresh cunt hanging off of you."
; ; For some reason, I took it as a slap in the face. "She's not a cunt, ; man," I scowled. "She's nice."
; ; That seemed to wake him up. "Dude, I'm sorry. It was just a joke," he ; seemed genuinely sorry.
; ; "It's OK. But, I kind of like her." Forgiveness has always been one of ; my strengths. I'm not much of an aggressive person.
; ; "Sorry, man. You know I'm the sensitive type who always respects true ; love. No matter what the sexual orientation. Speaking of, do I really ; look that bad?"
; ; I nodded.
; ; "Shit, I'm never gonna get laid that way. I'll be right back, gotta ; powder my nose. Watch my stuff." He got up and headed down the hall in ; the direction of the men's room. That's good, as hungover as he was I ; half expected him to head in the direction of the women's restroom.
; ; When he came back a few minutes later, the classroom was mostly full ; and he looked more like his usual, gay, self. He came into the room as ; his usual Drama Queen self, slowly swinging his hips and looking all ; of the cute guys in the eye. I chuckled to myself. What a fag.
; ; As we went through class, I found myself thinking about Rebecca again ; and again. I finally gave up and just started fantasizing about ; her. Thankfully I'd jacked off last night, or I'd have to run find a ; bathroom stall and take care of it now.
; ; After class, I said goodbye to Shay and headed off to finish up my ; day. I had a two hour lunch break, but I had to spend all of it doing ; some calculus homework. In the afternoon, I went to work at the ; computer center and spent the rest of the evening there.
; ; I had a paper due the next day, and it wasn't a "party night," meaning ; nobody was planning on getting together. Wednesdays and Fridays were ; the social nights for everyone because most people didn't have Tuesday ; or Thursday classes. Usually they didn't have classes those days so ; they could concentrate on the important things, like recreational ; chemicals.
; ; Unfortunately, I was stupid and taking a heavy load so I could pull ; off my double major. I was also working, so I didn't have a lot of ; time during the week to do anything except the required Wednesday ; night intellectual round table and marijuana taste test.
; ; Finally, Friday afternoon rolled around. Most of the students at the ; college had parents no more than two hours away, so the entire town ; lost half of its population sometime Friday afternoon. Usually, those ; who stayed in town on the weekends didn't really make friends with ; those who did. I think that was just the natural order of things.
; ; Shay had told me that everybody was getting together tonight, and that ; we'd meet over at Jeff's. As I headed over, I started getting a little ; nervous. I wondered how much of her affection had just been that she ; was drunk, and I wondered how much of it she even remembered at all.
; ; When I got there, they were already passing the bong, and there were ; only the four of us - myself, Shay, Jeff and Rebecca. I sat my guitar ; case in the corner and sat down on the couch next to Shay.
; ; "Hi, Dad!" Rebecca greeted me with a smile. After my quizzical look, ; she said "You don't remember the lecture on, what did you call it, ; 'asphyxiation by vomitus'?" She was grinning like an idiot.
; ; I groaned. I had spent most of my life at the library after school ; waiting for my mom to get off of work. There's not much to do in a ; town with seven thousand people, so you find your own ways to ; entertain yourself. I'd read several medical textbooks and wound up ; taking a First Responder class at the local vo-tech. First Responder ; is kind of like a junior EMT course that they give to police and ; firefighters.
; ; Sometimes I was a little too geeky, even for myself. I realized that I ; might be too geeky even for her. Then I realized that if she had ; remembered my speech, then she had probably remembered the rest of ; last night as well.
; ; "Sorry about last night, I was really tired, and I guess I'd had too ; much to drink," she apologized. Then she gave me a slightly modified ; version of The Look. It wasn't a sultry "Fuck Me" bedroom Look, and it ; wasn't the "You're so hot" Look of last night. It was kind of a ; you-know-and-I-know-it's-our-little-secret Look.
; ; I smiled.
; ; Jeff suggested we play a game of Spades. Shay quickly agreed and Jeff ; said "I got Shay," with a sly smile. Both Shay and Jeff were ; consummate cheaters at Spades. They sat down across the card table in ; the kitchen, eager to show their Spades abilities as a team.
; ; I groaned and moaned and smiled at Rebecca. "They cheat. Always," I ; told her with a faked serious look on my face. "Watch for hand signals ; and slap him if you can reach him, no matter who it is." Rebecca ; solemnly promised to do so.
; ; I won the card draw and got first deal. Before I even started, Shay ; shouted "Blind Nil!" I laughed. This was gonna be fun.
; ; Shay and Jeff cheated as much as they could, with Rebecca slapping ; Jeff once on the arm and me hittin Shay once on the shoulder. Rebecca, ; surprisingly, turned out to be very good. My estimation of her rose ; dramatically. I asked her how she got to be that way.
; ; "Yahoo games, Jeremiah." She said my name for the first time. Both my ; name and the fact that she knew her way around a computer were music ; to my ears. I smiled.
; ; I found, several hours later, that I still had a big smile on my ; face. It wasn't too obvious, because just about everybody did since ; we'd been getting high. But mine was a bigger smile than I was used to ; having.
; ; We decided to go get a movie. We wound up going to my place, since I ; had my "music fan" stereo hooked up to my DVD player. Ahh, the joys of ; racking up credit card debt in college. I'd bought a guitar, stereo, ; TV and DVD player, and then found that my thousand dollar line of ; credit was already full. I'd barely had enough left to get a cash ; advance for a few bottles of Captain Morgan's before I realized I was ; broke again.
; ; We settled down at my place. I was the last one to be seated, and ; found that Jeff and Shay, most excellent friends that they were, had ; left me a spot on the couch next to Rebecca. As I sat down I noticed ; that she was closer to me than she was the other side of the couch. I ; wasn't complaining.
; ; Having a job in college is a wonderful thing, I highly recommend it, ; even if it's minimum wage. That gives you money for the best things in ; life, like alcohol, pot and munchies. Rebecca and I shared a big bowl ; of popcorn, and Shay and Jeff shared another.
; ; We had decided to rent "Titan AE", overriding Shay's choice of ; "Saturday Night Fever." We had to watch "The Matrix" first. It was one ; of the few DVDs I actually owned, and we watched it at least once a ; month. Rebecca hadn't seen The Matrix before and absolutely loved it.
; ; I had to wonder if she'd lived under a rock for that past few ; years. "You've never seen The Matrix?" I asked.
; ; "My dad didn't let us watch movies," she replied sadly.
; ; "None? Was it against their religion or something?" Shay asked ; incredulously.
; ; "Yes," she replied a little sadly. She didn't say anything more, but ; both Jeff and I knew what she was talking about. There were a couple ; of Jesus cults in the midwest that literally believed watching movies ; was a sin.
; ; "That's why I left," she volunteered into Shay's silence. "The only ; movies I got to see were those on television. I never got to hang out ; with friends, or go on a date," with that last she looked me right in ; the eye. I understood exactly what that meant. She was a virgin.
; ; I blushed just a little bit, and got an instant hardon. Then it hit ; me. "How old are you, Rebecca?" I asked.
; ; "I turned eighteen last weekend," she replied. "And I left. I bought a ; bus ticket with my savings, and I knew Jeff would help me, because he ; was nice to me at church camp." Jeff looked at the floor and said ; nothing.
; ; "I had the internet, though. It wasn't all that bad. I could play ; games, talk to friends and read about anything I wanted. I don't think ; my parents would have ever believed all of the porn you can find on ; the internet, though," she grinned. "They just thought I was always ; doing homework."
; ; I *really* wanted to ask her about the porn, but kept my mouth shut ; and suffered through another raging hardon. It was getting to be even ; more of an occurrence than normal. And that's saying something.
; ; Since I didn't really want to stand up at that particular moment I ; picked up the bowl of popcorn and sat it in my lap. I started ; munching. Jeff hopped up an put the new movie in and we watched it to ; break the uncomfortable silence that wasn't going away. By the time ; the movie was over, it was about midnight.
; ; Not that midnight meant anything to us, that was just when we started ; getting serious about our chemical entertainment. We lit up the bong ; again, and I pulled out a big-ass bottle of cheap Arkansas wine.
; ; As the bottle came to Rebecca, Jeff said "Take it easy on the liquor, ; little girl. You remember what happened last night." Rebecca ; apparently did, because with a nod of agreement, she passed it to ; me. I, however, had no memory, and had no designated driver ; responsibilities to weight me down. I took a healthy drink and passed ; it on.
; ; We talked, as college students everywhere like to do. I don't think ; that's any kind of intellectual thing, just human nature maybe. We ; talked about all sorts of things, and I noticed that Rebecca had ; something interesting to say on most of our subjects. She stayed quiet ; when any occult subject came up. From my own experience with rejecting ; "the sings of our fathers" in the form of religious dogma, I ; understood the fear that was instilled by the Jesus cults.
; ; As it got later, everyone but Rebecca got drunker and ; drunker. Finally, when the conversation lulled at around three, Shay ; announced that he was going home to get his beauty sleep. Jeff refused ; to admit that he needed sleep, but announced that I did and that ; everyone should probably let me pass out in peace.
; ; I jumped to my feet, feeling absolutely numb, and then sort of waved ; my arms as I tried to stand up. Thankfully there was a wall nearby, ; and I grabbed it for moral support.
; ; "Let's go, Rebecca," Jeff said. I was to drunk to control my reaction, ; and I know I got a disappointed look on my face. Jeff gave Rebecca a ; questioning look like he was asking her what she wanted to do.
; ; "I think I'll just stay here for a little while and make sure that ; Jeremiah doesn't run into any problems with 'asphyxiation by ; vomitus'," she said with a grin.
; ; Jeff just smiled and said he'd see her tomorrow. Shay and Jeff headed ; for the door. Since I knew they were walking home, I just said "Good ; night."
; ; "Well, I hope you get that medical problem taken care of," Jeff said ; just before he walked out and closed the door.
; ; After they had left, I turned to look at Rebecca. "What'she talkin' ; about?" I slurred. She pointed at my crotch.
; ; I looked down and realized that I had a huge hardon. Shit, I ; thought. "Shit," I said. She laughed.
; ; "I didn't expect you to be so nice to me last night," she said, ; serious again.
; ; "What d'you mean?" I was having a little difficulty with the spoken ; language. I decided that I needed to sat down, so I sat on the couch.
; ; She sat beside me. "I don't know a lot about guys, but I know that ; lots of guys would've taken advantage of my condition. Jeff told me ; about you offering your place for me to crash last night."
; ; That statement was confusing to me. It sounded half positive, and half ; negative. "What do you mean?"
; ; "He said you offered to let me crash at your place, but then had no ; problems helping me get to bed at his place. He though that maybe you ; liked me. I told him that I thought the same thing and liked you."
; ; I couldn't see where she was trying to go with the conversation, but ; that last little bit caught my attention. "Wait, you like me?" I ; asked.
; ; "You know, as silly as playing doctor sounds, you did take good care ; of me last night, and I think that I can return the favor. I kind of ; had an obsession with researching the topic of blowjobs on the ; internet, and was wondering if maybe you'd let me get some clinical ; experience," she said with a really cheesy grin.
; ; Obsession? Blowjobs? Clinical Experience? Between the bad wine and the ; fact that there was very little remaining blood for my brain to ; utilize for things like cognitive thought, I was absolutely confused.
; ; I realized what she was saying, but this was not working out the way I ; had planned. Somehow I'd had in my mind the idea that I would seduce ; her, then give her so much pleasure that she'd be my sex slave for all ; of eternity. Ok, not so much planned as fantasized maybe. But this ; certainly wasn't what I had expected.
; ; I guess the look of confusion on my face was a bit ridiculous to ; her. She rolled her eyes and said, "Here, let me show you what I ; mean." She got down on the floor in front of me and started taking off ; my shoes. She pulled my shoes and socks off, and then started working ; on the button of my jeans.
; ; At that point, my brain gave up any hope of returning to an orderly ; thought pattern. It reverted to some more primitive form of thought. I ; let out a low moan and my eyes rolled back into my head as her hand ; brushed my penis.
; ; She unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and then pulled them down a ; bit. I lifted my ass off of the couch and she pulled them the rest of ; the way down and finally off. My dick was throbbing, and as hard as it ; had ever been. She started tugging on my shorts and I lifted my ass up ; again. As the shorts came off and the air hit my dick it felt ; absolutely wonderful. I was kind of surprised I could feel anything at ; all, drunk as I was.
; ; After she tossed my shorts over my shoulder she spread my legs apart ; and sat between them with her face just a few inches above my rock ; hard dick. She seemed hypnotized by it, a look of near obsession on ; her face.
; ; "Yours is the first dick I've ever seen, and I've wanted to taste one ; for a long time now," she purred. I almost came right then. A wave ; almost like an orgasm washed up from my balls and I groaned again.
; ; This seemed to surprise her and she looked up at me. "You want this, ; don't you?" she asked. I don't know what was going through her mind, ; it was almost as if she were surprised.
; ; "God, yes," I answered. And then her name somehow flashed onto the ; screen of my mind along with the look in her eyes. I looked into her ; eyes, and we shared some deep connection, neither of us having any ; idea what it might be.
; ; She held my eyes for a bit, and then with a smooth motion that was ; quicker than I could really see, she had my dick in her mouth. She ; began to suck hard, and move her tongue up and down my shaft inside ; her mouth.
; ; Before my mind even registered what was happening she was bobbing her ; head up and down on my dick about twice a second. After a short time - ; it could have been ten seconds or ten minutes - I could feel the head ; of my dick hitting her throat. With each bob of her head, I could feel ; it slide a little further into her throat. She was trying to deep ; throat me!
; ; My mind was in a total state of shock by now. One surprise piled onto ; another surprise and then another had me in some surreal state. It was ; like I was not even in my head at all, but somehow my consciousness ; seemed to be in my dick. And my dick was moving further and further ; into her throat.
; ; Suddenly it all hit me. Here was this girl I had just met, whom I had ; really fallen for, who was just eighteen and a virgin, who was sucking ; my dick, who was now deep throating me. It felt like a big wave of ; light starting at the ends of my body - my head, my fingers, my toes - ; was then rushing toward the center of my body. I knew what this meant ; and groaned out to warn her. "I'm coming!"
; ; I don't know if it was just perfectly timed and she had been slowly ; working her way down my shaft, or if she just decided that it was the ; perfect time to go all the way, but I felt her lips hit the bottom of ; my dick. Then her tongue came out and pressed into my balls.
; ; I emptied everything down her throat. My sperm, my frustration with ; women, my hopes, my fears, my dreams. All that was left were these ; waves of energy washing over me, pulsing and contracting through my ; whole body. I could hear the waves of light, and could see the sounds ; of my groaning with my eyes shut. Finally, all that was left was ; something deep inside my soul - love.
; ; I opened my eyes and looked into hers. She slowly pulled my dick out ; of her face, inch after inch. There was a look in her eyes that told ; me somehow she knew what had happened to me. Maybe she was just ; responding to the look in my eyes. I have no idea what my face looked ; like at that moment, but I felt like I was about ready to cry.
; ; Damn, I thought, I gotta quit smoking so much pot. But that sure as ; hell was a psychedelic experience.
; ; "I think I came," she said with an amazed look.
; ; Suddenly, I realized that I was completely sober. I was no longer ; drunk, although I still felt high. But it was a different kind of ; high. I had this strange energy flowing through me. I tried to think ; of some word to describe it, and for some reason the term "Eldritch" ; came into my mind. Huh? Maybe I was still high.
; ; But somehow, instead of being drained and ready to finally pass out, I ; felt like I was a god. I felt this energy circulating through my ; body. I reached down to caress her cheek, and felt the energy *flood* ; through my arm into her. She gasped, almost screamed at the same time ; I felt the energy flow.
; ; She looked at me with adoration mixed with the slightest hint of ; awe. "What was that?" she asked with wide eyes.
; ; And then I learned something, something new. I learned that I knew ; things I had no idea I knew, because my answer was "'Have I not told ; you that Ye are gods?' There shall be no god but man. The part of god ; we can see lies within each of us. Every man and every woman is a ; star." And I realized that something had awakened within me, but I ; really had no idea what.
; ; "Love is the law, love under will. There shall be no law beyond do ; what thou will," I finished. I finally realized what that truly ; meant. It meant that there was something within us, part destiny and ; part existence in some sort of shamanistic existence. That thing ; within us was The Will. I knew, somehow, that the will was some ; mysterious force that had guided mankind for millenia to its ultimate ; destination. That ultimate destination is an awaking similar to what I ; had just experienced.
; ; Now I could see that she was truly scared. But I could also (somehow) ; see that her fear was an awe that originated from something inside ; herself that understood exactly what I was saying, and perhaps even ; thinking.
; ; I saw that she was trembling. I stood up and stepped behind her, ; taking off my shirt and tossing it to the side. She turned to look at ; me and I lifted her up into my arms. I carried her into my bedroom, ; and stood her next to the bed. I began removing her clothing. Some ; distant part of me wondered why my hands weren't trembling along with ; the vibrations I was feeling throughout my body.
; ; What I felt is very hard to explain. I felt as if there were no task ; in the world that would be impossible for me at that moment, I felt ; indominitable, immortal and overall I felt *inevitable*. Even though I ; somehow knew that I could do anything, I felt that I had no choices in ; what it was I could do. I don't mean that I felt like a puppet, I just ; felt that what I was doing was right, and in some way perfectly in ; tune with the universe.
; ; I don't really know where the words came from, although as I said them ; I knew that they were completely true. "We are to become one, wed in ; the way that the word was originally intended. This union will make us ; inseparable, and death will only seperate us for a short time."
; ; The only clothes she had left were her bra and panties. She stood not ; moving at all, just looking at me with wide and eager eyes. As I ; removed her bra, some memory gave me these words, "Thy two breasts are ; like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies."
; ; Then I knelt to remove her panties. She raised each leg to help and I ; said "Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to ; the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense."
; ; I stood back up, and looked her in the eye and said "Thou art all ; fair, my love; there is no spot in thee." I finally recognized this ; now, it was from the Song of Solomon in the bible. My memory is not ; all that good, and I couldn't have remembered these words if I tried.
; ; I continued, somehow, "How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how ; much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments ; than all spices!" Then I kissed her, slowly on the lips. After that, I ; realized that I couldn't stop what I was saying. "Thy lips, O my ; spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; ; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon."
; ; I gently laid her on the bed, and positioned myself over her. Her eyes ; were still wide, almost like she was in a trance. Upon retrospect, I ; probably was as well. "A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a ; spring shut up, a fountain sealed." I began kissing my way down her ; body.
; ; I kissed her neck, and made my way down to her breasts. "Thy plants ; are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire," I ; sucked her nipples. One and then the other. "With spikenard and ; saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh ; and aloes, with all the chief spices." She was moaning softly ; now. When I looked at her face, I saw that her eyes were closed.
; ; I worked my way down past her belly button. She began moving her hips ; slightly. "A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams ; from Lebanon." I made my way over her mountain and began kissing and ; sucking around her labia, noticing her wetness flowing downward.
; ; I positioned myself better between her legs. "Awake, O north wind; and ; come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may ; flow out." I began blowing on her cunt. Her lips were spread open like ; a flower. She was moaning and her hips were undulating ; tantalizingly. "Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his ; pleasant fruits." I dove for her clit and started licking like there ; was no tomorrow.
; ; I only got in about a dozen licks before she was screaming, "Oh God! ; Oh God!" over and over. Her hips started shuddering. I felt yet ; another wave of energy come out of her clitoris through my tongue. She ; started saying over and over "I'm coming! I'm coming!".
; ; I wasn't really listening too well because this energy was suddenly ; going down my throat, then to my heart, belly and groin. When it hit ; my groin it felt like there was another orgasm. But the energy of the ; orgasm seemed to shoot up my spine like a flash of lightning. It went ; right up to my head, and I felt like my entire head unfolded.
; ; Yeah, it's not a very good description, I know, but that's what it ; felt like. It was kind of like there were rays of energy shooting out ; of my head. Then I felt energy enter my head through the very top, and ; it all slowly started to move forward. It felt like I had drank too ; much coffee or something, my scalp was tingling. But it kept moving ; right to the front of my forehead, between and above my eyes.
; ; Now, you might have heard plenty of stories about this third eye thing ; and thought they were bullshit. I know I have. I even saw Tool in ; concert, and that was about the closest I came to believing in all ; that shit. That trippy stuff with the "prying open my third eye" song ; had made me wonder about it. I mean, here was this band that I really ; liked because of their intellectual focus. There was lots of imagery ; at the concert hinting at a body of energy and chakras and the whole ; bit. It made me wonder if maybe they knew something that I didn't.
; ; I've always kept an open mind, my theory is that you can close your ; mind all sorts of ways - faith and doubt work equally well. Well, let ; me tell you something. It's real enough for me. That night with ; Rebecca, I had a gen-u-ine mystical experience. Bon-a-fide, yadda ; yadda yadda.
; ; What happened next was simply amazing. I stood up and looked around. I ; could still see the room, but I could also see everything else. I mean ; *everything*. Anything I wanted to know just leapt into my mind, was ; shown to me. There was no thought, I mean you probably wanna ask why I ; didn't find out what the winning lottery numbers were or ; something. All of that was gone, it was meaningless, pointless. The ; life I had lived up until that point was nothing. Nothing.
; ; But then I realized that, yes, it *was* something. It was my ; destiny. Everything that had happened to me, and to everyone, led to ; this single inevitable event. Everything had meaning, although it was ; meaningless in the context of the normal me.
; ; I looked down on the bed and saw Rebecca. She was looking at me, but ; the awe and wonder was gone. She seemed to be at peace, perhaps ; understanding that what we were doing was The Right Thing. It was just ; meant to be.
; ; I realized I had a hardon and that she was lying there with her legs ; spread. I lay down on top of her and tried to enter her. There was a ; resistance and I realized that it was her virginity. I looked her in ; the eyes and she smiled at me. I broke on through to the other side, ; so to speak.
; ; When I reached the bottom, I just stopped. I held myself there and ; paid attention to what was going on in my body. The energy was ; shifting around again, refocusing itself downward, to my balls. I ; waited for it to happen.
; ; When it felt like the right time, I began slowly thrusting. It felt ; good, really really good. Her eyes had closed and she was moaning and ; whimpering. She started moving quicker, and I did the same thing. I ; felt my cum boiling hot inside me, and kept speeding up. She was ; screaming now and I was grunting and groaning like an animal.
; ; Finally, my dick hardened from rock into diamond, and I shot into ; her. I kept pumping as I came, and I just kept coming for a good long ; time. I collapsed on top of her, and realizing that I was probably ; crushing her rolled off to the side.
; ; I looked at her face and saw this amazing look of tranquility in her ; expression. She was smiling and looking at me. She said "Love is the ; law, love under will."
; ; I smiled back at her. When I got up to go to the bathroom and cleanup, ; I notice that the sun had just risen over the treetops through the new ; leaves. There shall be no law beyond do what thou will, I thought to ; myself.
; ; I went back to bed and we snuggled together and went to sleep. ; ;