; ; Proteus raised his optic disks on stems, which helped ; him see over the writhing sea of flesh and bioplasm on ; the Dance Confluence disc. Exotix was crowded tonight ; and pumping; just what he didn't need if his sources ; were to be believed. He was mildly concerned, but not ; unduly; it was the usual motley selection, the regulars. ; The pimps offered him sidelong glances or raised crests ; that flushed orange; he undulated his eyes up-down-up in ; acknowledgement. Since he wasn't wearing his Justice ; Legion tunic, truce was called. He was just checking in ; for a leisurely, post-duty drink of course.
; ; He procured a neat Daikohol-and-rye-grass from the ; Terran theme bar, morphing his thumb and two digit ; appendage to seven digits to handle the amphora ; properly. Moving toward the booths, he located a source ; of potential trouble, the gut-feeling that had been ; boiling his bellyacid since the tipoff had come.
; ; One couldn't miss Light O'Connor, since without an ; antigrav unit she weighed as much as an orbital shuttle. ; Flanking her as ever, within her own personal gravity ; well were her sisters, Love and Liberty. To say these ; triplets were trouble on their own was an ; understatement. Love, who had never felt any gentle ; impulse toward anything was a registered psychopath; ; Liberty was wearing a cyberhood and sucking ; industriously on the sensor-bulb slung at mouth-level. ; And probably racking up good cred doing so, jollying ; some Daikon Incorporated exec stuck in low-orbital ; jetlock.
; ; Worse than that, the triplets were not alone; rather in ; the company of their Delinquency Eradication Academic ; Training Helpers. The trouble with this pair was their ; affiliation with the Tactical Women's Assault Team, an ; organisation of dubious repute at best.
; ; "Good evening, Roxon, gels," Proteus smiled, pulling his ; eyes in safely away from Love's sneering reach. "Hello ; Akrat, don't let me interrupt," he said to the blonde ; who was bouncing up and down on the lap of the hugely- ; muscled Terran male specimen. He was a holograph anyway; ; a shop-assistant she had lifted from the local KiMart. ; Akrat gasped and muttered something incoherent.
; ; "Whaddya want, Proteus?" Roxon growled, crossing ; armourplated leggings and steel boots heavily on the ; tabletop before him.
; ; "I can fit you in at 12:33 but you gotta bring your own ; cuffs," Liberty stopped sucking long enough to offer, ; eyes still locked to the HUD of her visor. Proteus ; ignored her.
; ; "I was just wondering what might have brought you, ahem, ; folks here tonight. Exotix isn't your usual hang."
; ; "Field trip." Roxon gestured at the triplets. "Look, ; we're doing a good job with these here gels. Sitting ; here quiet as gelfs. In the old days they'dve been ; joyriding a spacejacked cab by now."
; ; "Doin' our bit for society," Love snarled. Her studded ; collar made it look like Roxon had her on a chain. ; Midori dribbled down Light's chins like grub-blood as ; she sucked on a midi-cask of the stuff and watched ; Akrat.
; ; "Most admirable," said Proteus tersely. "Nothing to do, ; then, with the alleged appearance of a Grace Over ; Destitution mobile reformation unit in the region?"
; ; Of course, Roxon tensed, the joints of her construction- ; worker's armour creaking, black eyes burning. Akrat, ; sweat streaming down her face, looked around if she ; wanted to speak, caught between her holograph's ; attentions and the mention of her sworn adversaries.
; ; Roxon mastered her reflexes. "We ain't no trouble ; compared to fuckin' GOD. Reffers, uh? Like they're gonna ; come in here for firewater and a Geordie enema. Make me ; laugh!"
; ; Letting his body ooze quickly forward from the confines ; of his sports polo shirt, Proteus dredged up some ; canines from deep in his plasm stores, and gnashed them ; menacingly an inch from Roxon's bluish-white face. ; "Don't you shake salt on me, Roxon Catablis! You can ; take your turf war with Grace Over Destitution ; elsewhere! I got legal precedent to protect the happy, ; paying customers of this establishment and keep commerce ; humming along properly."
; ; "Aw, get over the corporate-speak, Proteus." Roxon ; sucked from a can of Diet Daik. "Either the gels and I ; sweep these idiots out, or you'll have to call the boys ; in. I'll bet Lennie still hasn't got the lycanthropic ; lion thing happening yet, so he'd be a fat lot of good ; in a scrap."
; ; Proteus' Justice Legion sidekick was, well, ; inexperienced; most of the settlement lowlifes were ; calling him names like Spinks and Meow because his head ; simply wouldn't "go" when he morphed. Proteus ploughed ; past that fact while Light and Love sniggered. "And I ; suppose you think you and the...gels will just sit back ; here and throw insults and used prophyllactics at the ; GOD Squad while they proselytise, is that it? Let me ; offer you a friendly warning." He pulled back into his ; golf shirt and folded his pseudo-arms into a pretzel ; shape. "This isn't some bunch of amateurs, they're a cut ; above. Remember Pisstop Mungo? They picked him up with ; their TreatMobile in broad daylight yesterday, chucked ; him on a slab, slit his gut and whacked in a brand new ; clean liver on top of the alky one without so much as ; asking him about his lifestyle choices, or even knocking ; him out first. Too quick and too astonished to feel ; pain. Salvation in three seconds; he was at Employment ; Retraining, Resurrection And Therapeutic Atonement ; before the hour was gone, complete with pink kid suit, ; new white teeth and a Daikofibre hair replacement."
; ; Love picked up Roxon's empty steel can and crushed it in ; one fist. "GOD don't scare us," said Roxon nonchalantly. ; "We took out Ivan Sodof Polyestervitch and the DoomKat ; office."
; ; "Amateurs," Proteus sniffed. "Don't say I didn't warn ; you. Akrat, just when exactly do you plan to return that ; Triton holograph to KiMart the way we agreed? No, you ; don't have to answer that with your mouth full."
; ; "Aw, cut her some slack, Proteus, she's a former ; superfunctionary coming off caffeine. Pathetic, really."
; ; "Ahh, how the mighty have fallen." TWAT members in a ; bar, with GOD extremists hanging around. Proteus poured ; his jug into an oral orifice that led to a storage ; bubble. He'd have to savour his drink later.
; ; ***
; ; While Proteus called Lennie and the ops team, then his ; wife to say he was sure to be late home tonight, Fleet ; Cadet Benny Barker thought his ship had come in at last. ; He was watching a Struuvian pyramid-dancer doing her ; thing as she balanced on the tip; watching the hypnotic ; way the laserlight played across the contours of her ; delightfully-shaped breasts which was no mean feat, ; given she had three pairs. At first, he almost didn't ; notice the woman who slipped into the booth seat beside ; him.
; ; "Hello...oh, hi, hi, how are you?" He blushed when he ; realised it was one of the waitresses - one of the ; pretty ones. He was sure, over several weeks spent here ; relaxing after study, she had been checking him out and ; looking after him. Barker prided himself on taking ; people as he found them, particularly alien species, so ; long as like himself they had two legs, two arms, a head ; and human-compatible genitalia. Multicoloured skin, bug- ; eyes, none of that bothered him unduly.
; ; Her ID badge proclaimed her Geeruble; she had first ; caught his attention not just with her pretty, angelic ; features, but the fact that she lingered by his table to ; practice her Terran language skills. He had wandered out ; of Exotix that night stunned that such a looker would ; deign to chat with him. Since then, she had always ; smiled and waved when he arrived; made sure she served ; him, and laced his MochaChochaDaikoLatte Drench with an ; extra dash of Tia Maria.
; ; Tonight she was without her name badge, for she was also ; without barmaid's uniform. Her pale skin glowed close to ; blue in the UV lighting, and was spangled with ; glittering flecks of silver, all the way down into the ; depths of her plunging catsuit. It was amazing how those ; scales caught the spectrum and diffracted it from the ; generous round globes of her bosom. Gee, he'd never ; noticed before. Five Daikons, thanks! One tiny voice ; of sense finally reached his brain, then his eyeballs as ; he realised it might be a good idea to look at her face ; and say something sensible as she greeted him. "Halloo ; Mister Bark-Arr," she cooed sweetly, flashing silvered ; eyelids. She was bald, but that was fine, her bone ; structure was smooth and delicate, like antique ; alabaster. From pointed ears, lacy frills and fronds ; wreathed the sides and back of her skull, rising in an ; elegant turquoise crest. The same membranes webbed her ; hands, so that when she laced her fingerips over the ; table's glowlamp it made a cool greenish lantern, making ; those flecks fire green...stop it, man!
; ; She knew he was "Bark-Arr" from the nameplate all cadets ; wore on the tab of the chest pocket. "You must be on ; your night off," he managed, grabbing a sip from his ; Drench to steady his attention. "It's nice to see you, ; you look great!"
; ; "Thank you, Mista Bark-Arr," she smiled coyly, wiggling ; her shoulders, which had a mind-altering effect on her ; cleavage. "Do you like how I look?"
; ; "Very much indeed. You are a beautiful woman." He ; struggled back to her peacock-blue eyes, wide and round, ; desperate to feign some level of sophistication. ; "Please, Geeruble, call me Benny."
; ; She nodded seriously. "Ben-ee? Yes, Ben-ee. Ben-ee and ; Gee sounds good. Ben-ee and Gee better than Ben-ee and ; zero-gee - it is a joke, yes?"
; ; "A joke, very good, very funny," he laughed. "I'm not ; too good at zero-gee, I gotta admit."
; ; "But you would try anything?"
; ; "I'm sorry?" he blushed, taken aback by the earnest ; humour of her stare. Come to think of it, she didn't ; blink much at all. If she had heard about the initiation ; ceremonies the cadets indulged when going weightless for ; the first time, those late nights in the simulator where ; uniforms were optional...
; ; She giggled into her hand. "What I mean is, would Ben-ee ; let me try something, I am curious?" Gee hadn't once ; taken her eyes from his face and mouth, he realised.
; ; "Uh, that would all depend on what you had in mind!"
; ; "What it is, you see," she said, shuffling so close to ; him that her cool thigh pressed the length of his, and ; he was drowning in a scent like a rich sea breeze, "is ; humans, and this thing you have, and you look like a ; nice man, so I wonder if you would let me..." And then ; she ran the back of her fingers, very lightly, along the ; grain of his beard.
; ; Of course! Beards weren't especially fashionable for ; human males at the moment. Although he was still young, ; Barker, having sprung from a long line of male-pattern ; baldies, was very thin on top, and was reconciled to his ; fate. Daikofibre hair replacements looked silly and ; unnatural, and he couldn't afford anything better; for ; the time being, his peaked cap concealed the open upper ; deck. He consoled himself with the fact that Nature had ; overcompensated him from the jaw down; he had been the ; first of the cadets to grow a proper plush beard. The ; old service rule still applied that a man had to grow ; substantial facial fungus within the appointed duration ; if he wished to keep a beard; Barker passed that test ; with flying colours, and wore his beard like a ; distinguished service medal.
; ; Gee was of a hairless species, and she was absolutely ; enchanted. Barker grinned indulgently as she rubbed her ; fingertips across the lay of the whiskers, feeling their ; bristle-stiffness; stroked them silken and flat again; ; explored the way they curled ever so slightly, and ; studied the shine and colour of each fibre. "I need to ; see this closer," she said, helping herself to hopping ; onto his lap, breath tickling his ear.
; ; "There's only one way you'll get any closer than this, ; sweetheart," he muttered aloud but to himself. She ; seemed light as a feather, and her springy, sleek butt ; felt fantastic - so fantastic that the loneliest part of ; his anatomy had woken from its despondent drowse and was ; starting to sit up and take notice. Gee giggled, and he ; couldn't help but put his arms around her narrow waist. ; She had a slightly potty tum for a young woman, but ; given where she was and what she was doing, Barker could ; forgive her this slight imperfection.
; ; Delight shone from her face like a beacon as she traced ; how the beard merged with the longer hair at his ; temples; where he had trimmed its edges, shaving some of ; the fibres off to little black dots; even tracing the ; arches of his eyebrows. With a gentle, careful fingertip ; she stroked his eyelashes while he closed his lids to ; allow her. At the same time, he could inspect her up ; close, marvelling at the translucent sheen of her ; flawless skin. Those iridescent flecks made gleaming, ; girlish freckles across her cheekbones, and her lips ; were amazing - thick and pouting, glazed with silver and ; gloss that didn't seem to be painted on, but natural.
; ; "Gee," he murmured, lips brushing her fingers as she ; felt his moustache, "have you seen the human habit of ; kissing a good friend?"
; ; "Is that what it is called? I want to kiss you Ben-ee! ; You would like?"
; ; "Oh very much!" Those lips were made to drown in, all ; silver like the sea on the outside, ultramarine beneath, ; with a salty-sweet taste as well. Barker might have been ; the first human she'd kissed, but she knew what she was ; doing, and he was happy to go along with that. With his ; hands he enjoyed the supple curves of her tight-clad ; body, the silk of her skin, while she ran her hands ; through the hair at the back of his head. When he probed ; with his tongue into her mouth, he found something much ; longer and thinner than a human tongue, warm and ; seafood-tasty, which coiled dextrously around the tip of ; his own tongue before releasing it, then exploring his ; mouth.
; ; "Beard kiss nice," she paused only to say, while ; swinging from sitting across his lap to part her knees ; around him. Then she pressed her face against his beard, ; tongue coming out to play again, the awesome mounds of ; her breasts squeezed firmly against his ribcage.
; ; Needless to say, Barker was in seventh heaven, giving as ; good as he was getting. She paused again to study the ; stubble on his throat, then let it graze her lips and ; tongue. Down to the open-neck collar of his tunic, where ; a few stray curls of his plush chest hair escaped - she ; lingered there, twisting the coils around a fingertip ; while he fondled her breasts appreciatively.
; ; "I got hair all over my body," he suggested huskily as ; she eased the zip-front open.
; ; "Kiss here?" she asked, sucking his tongue again for a ; moment. "Or kiss here?" She put a hand on the tentpole ; in his pants, and Barker gasped.
; ; "Aww Gee, I love the way you kiss! But maybe we should ; go and kiss some more somewhere else, like, kiss alone?"
; ; "Kissing Room?" she asked, a gleeful light in her eyes. ; "I have special kissing room." Barker nodded.
; ; "Kissing Room? Sounds good, yeah!"
; ; Gee stood up quickly, legs parted, holding out an ; elegant hand. Barker got to weak knees and accepted, ; leaving his Drench behind. They weaved between the ; Dominotion tables, past the Serious Serum bar where ; morbid vampires watched a stake-dancer while snorting ; GM-garlic powder (hallucinogenic rather than fatal). The ; Telly Port took them up to a faux Star-Trek decor ; corridor where the entries were disguised as Jeffries' ; Tube hatches.
; ; Once through the brief, undignified squeeze, Barker ; stood slowly, in amazement. He had emerged into what ; could only be described as the largest goldfish pond he ; had ever seen. The hemispheric ceiling was completely ; shrouded by lush greenery, vegetation hiding the walls. ; Aside from a small entryway he stood on, the floor was ; one huge bluegreen swimming pool. It seemed as though ; the vegetation had been scaled-up, too, as the lilypads ; were at least three metres in diameter, the lotus blooms ; two metres tall. A few ornamental carp made tongues of ; flame in the water; fortunately, while large they seemed ; to conform to species norms.
; ; "This...is your Kissing Room?"
; ; "Come, come, come and kissing!" Gee laughed, splashing ; into the water. It wasn't as deep as it looked, frothing ; around her knees as she waded in. Then she turned and ; peeled off her catsuit as though moulting a used shell, ; oozing sinuously from the leggings, and hurling her ; boots with a splash into the water chestnuts. Lovely, ; thick lips curved in a smile, she stood naked and ; unashamed before Barker.
; ; He paused only to check her over - as taught in Standard ; StarFleet Furlough Safety Program Unit 553, ; Extraterrestrial Mating Protocols - Biological ; Compatibility. Basic human form and structure. Two large ; breasts that begged to be squeezed, with a fine, ; multiple micronipple structure, suggesting she had many ; small offspring at once. He could live with that. ; Micronipples were a good thing, generally ten times as ; sensitive as a single nipple. She had no navel, so she ; wasn't a placental mammal. No navel meant no navel ; piercings; a good thing for Barker since he loathed ; pierced navels. Best of all, no pubes, so that the neat ; and very human-looking slot at her crutch was visible; ; tinged lightly bluish, slightly puffy, suggesting her ; lower lips were as voluptuous as those of her mouth.
; ; Barker chuckled deep in his throat and waded to her ; arms. The water was blood-heat, warm and not diminishing ; his manhood in any way. Very quickly, Gee was peeling ; his wet uniform from him, licking and stroking his hairy ; skin. Her mouth made little "O" shapes all over him, ; nipping and sucking lightly all at once, driving him ; wild. They threshed about in the shallow water, ; startling the fish, Gee throwing back her head and ; making little croaking noises as she voiced excitement ; in her own tongue. Quite suddenly, she jumped to her ; feet and ran toward a lilypad, laughing.
; ; "Come now kiss come!" she cried, elated, spreading her ; legs and lowering herself into an ungainly crouch. ; Barker frowned quizzically at her suddenly inelegant ; posture. There came a dull, distant thud and crump, a ; sound like thunder.
; ; The pond's surface quivered. Barker stared as Gee's ; belly started pulsating, rippling with powerful, ; muscular contractions. She sucked quick, gasping ; breaths, her grunts rising to moans of orgasmic ; pleasure. "KISS!" she screamed.
; ; A glutinous grey mass of bubbly gel squirted from ; between her legs. There seemed to be bucketloads of it, ; dumping onto the plant and the water around, fist-sized ; globules of jelly floating and bobbing.
; ; "Agh!! Gee!" Barker almost squeaked, voice rising to ; match the pitch of screams and yells rising from below.
; ; "Now do kiss!" Gee panted, fire in her eyes as she ; glared at his genitals. "Kiss on broughlegeem!"
; ; "Ohh no no! No kiss on broogle-thingies!" Barker cried, ; covering his suddenly-soft crotch protectively. Now he ; realised his mistake; she had clearly confused 'kiss' ; with something entirely different - something he had ; thought a charming cross-cultural fluff until now.
; ; "Kiss!" She made a grab for his groin; he fell, twisted ; and dogpaddled away. "Kiss!" Her lips folded back from ; small pointy teeth he couldn't recall seeing before. Now ; he was trapped in a room with a broody female determined ; to mate. Maybe he could hit the fire-alarm, even if the ; room were half-full of water...He flogged about, ; grabbing for sodden clothing, threshing and running from ; the now flat-bellied Gee, and trying to avoid the ; disgusting eggs, which had a tendency to stick to ; anything they came in contact with.
; ; Somebody somewhere, some blessed angel had hit an alarm ; button for him. He could hear sirens converging on the ; Exotix Bar. But would rescue arrive in time? Gee leapt ; onto his body, teeth snapping toward his bollocks like ; she intended to spread his milt via surgical ; intervention.
; ; "FEAR NOT!" boomed a massive, amplified voice ; heroically as the doorhatch burst in.
; ; Both Barker and Gee froze, staring up at the huge, caped ; man who had spoken. He was as round as he was tall, ; dressed in a glittering spandex leotard, with little ; pink shorts and shiny rubber galoshes. Blazoned on his ; breast was the golden five-pointed star of Grace Over ; Destitution, the Most Fatuous Charitable Organisation in ; the Known Universe. He had tanned skin, a fat moustache ; and benevolent chipmunk cheekpouches, and a teeny little ; gold-star shaped mask covering his eyes. Flanking him ; was a beamish, plain-faced woman of advancing middle ; age, gussied-up with a strawberry-flush beehive and ; lashings of Avon. She looked like an extra from the ; latest revival of that classic thespian masterpice, the ; Rocky Horror Pitcher Plant Show.
; ; "Gee!" Barker yelled.
; ; "Who you?" Gee snapped irritably at the new arrivals.
; ; "I am Captain Suck, champion of the Sacred Daikon Icon, ; avatar of the Daikonetic Church of Sacred Opportunity!" ; the man called Suck boomed grandly. "And this is my ; eternally dedicated, beatifically divorced personal ; executive assistant, Blow Girl! Lettuce spray for the ; salvation of your assets in the eyes of Elron Cupboard!" ; He scooped up Barker's jacket, which Blow Girl shook out ; and fluffed up as if it were a quiz show prize. "Were ; you the gentleman consuming a MochaChochaDaikoLatte ; Drench in the downstairs establishment not half an hour ; hencewith forsooth?"
; ; "I, I, what if I was?" Barker whimpered. He was standing ; naked in a pond full of mutant tapioca with a naked ; woman ready to rip his balls off, and somebody wanted to ; know his favourite drink?
; ; "May you be spared the perdition of life's kitchen waste ; disposal in favour of quiet putrefaction in the compost ; bucket," Suck intoned. "Were you aware the ; aforementioned aquavit was made with daikons not ; cultivated in a licensed establishment?"
; ; "I...what...no, I never saw it before in my life!" ; Barker protested feebly. Blow Girl offered him a glare ; that could have frozen a beesting cake, pointing with a ; beautifully manicured fingernail at a brown mark on his ; jacket lapel.
; ; "Unclean! Unclean! Here is the evidence, Captain Suck!"
; ; "Judgement is rendered, by those of us forever in His ; Grip!" Suck roared triumphantly, brandishing something ; that looked like a late 20th Century Terran Hoover, with ; an extra-large bag and a mouth like a wrought-iron ; fireplace. "This filth must be purified and brought to ; Hygiene! Blow Girl - charge me up!"
; ; "What?" asked Gee.
; ; "Oh yes, Captain!" vowed Blow Girl in a voice tremulous ; with desire. Kneeling before her boss, she tugged down ; the front of his shorts. There was a mechanical click ; and hiss. Blow Girl's halogen earrings lit up and ; strobed, a synthetic voice counted down, and massive ; turbine engines whizzed toward a screeching crescendo.
; ; "Aw, gee!" Barker gasped, stomach turning.
; ; "Cleanliness is next to GODliness!" Suck trumpeted ; against the howl of the Hoover-Plus.
; ; Gee screamed. Barker found himself airborne, seeing ; nothing but an inrush of water, froth, protoplasm, carp, ; maidenhair ferns and giant lotus petals. From faraway, ; he thought he heard a thin female voice, deeper than ; Gee's.
; ; "Oh bugger, we're too late, Roxon! Poor bastard!"
; ; Then he blacked out.
; ; ***
; ; Proteus shoved his tentacles in his pockets and gazed ; about at the destruction. Ambulance crews were still ; pulling dancers from beneath the TreatMobile that had ; crashed through the Live Hot Action window.
; ; "Friggin' ramraid charities - I told Rocco to get ; transparent titanium, cheapskate idiot wouldn't listen." ; He privately suspected the whole thing was organised ; secretly via Organ Donation Distribution By Organised ; Discretion. More medics were working on a pair of ; giggling vampires bombed with sacred water. Fortunately, ; Perrier wasn't lethal to them, just turned their skin an ; unsightly orange shade. Exotix was cleaner than he'd ; ever seen it, the stains gone from the carpets in the ; shadier corners, the ciggy butts gone, suds and shampoo ; still evident in the shaggier pile.
; ; "Definitely the work of arch-hygenicists," Lennie ; observed unnecessarily. "They escaped when our ; reinforcements couldn't get around Light O'Connor in the ; Jeffries Tube." As he tried to cross a deep puddle, ; Lennie couldn't help but flick his paws, which sent him ; into a bizarre dance as he tried to keep them all off ; the floor at once.
; ; "Captain Suck, eh? Sector HQ had no proof of his ; existence until now. This could be the worst outbreak of ; disorder since the Bus Man attacks of 2145," Proteus ; mused. "Lennie, cut that out you big pussy, it's only ; water!"
; ; "Laced with Big Daik's All-Purpose Cleansing Fluid!" ; Lennie screwed up his nose.
; ; "Get that, would you?"
; ; "Yes, boss." Laying on her face, writhing, clothing ; almost sucked from her body, Liberty O'Connor was ; wheezing for air. Lennie reared on his back paws, ; landing his forepaws squarely on her shoulderblades. The ; chunk of mouthpiece she had been sucking on all night ; popped out of her throat. Some executive stuck in ; jetlock traffic had been having a VERY good time this ; evening.
; ; "You see the upstairs site yet?"
; ; "Don't ask, boss, it was too horrible." Lennie gulped ; down a hairball-ish sound. "I mean, I seen some messes ; in me time...and I don't think even Big Daik brings off ; Thhhrumbil eggs. I think there was a human being mixed ; in there somewhere."
; ; Proteus nodded reflectively, unmoved by the present ; crisis. "Yes, I remember the Bus Man attacks, was fresh ; out of Junior Leaguers at the time. When he went to ; ground in the summer of '46 we were so glad of it that ; we called it the Bus Man's Holiday."
; ; Lennie grimaced and this time hoicked up a furball.
; ; ***
; ; "Errrrrk!
; ; "Nada, grody!"
; ; "Euuuucchhh!"
; ; The cadets as a class blinked and startled as the ; Sensorium presentation ended. Lieutenant Commander ; Retired Alec Kunthoffer swum into view as pupils re- ; adjusted to classroom lighting. He strutted up and down ; the rows, whacking his leg with the ancient riding-crop ; he kept as an affectation, and screwed in his monocle ; (another recidivist affectation).
; ; "Well, giblets, what did we learn from that tasteful ; little morsel?"
; ; Every cadet knew it was better to offer even semi- ; useless answers enthusiastically - it was a Kunthoffer ; lecture, after all. Better than to wait and thus invite ; him to home in like a 20th Century atomic warhead.
; ; "Always know your target species' sexual proclivities!"
; ; "Be aware of which gangs are operating the clubs you ; visit!"
; ; "MochaChochaDaikoLatte Drenches are revolting!"
; ; "The Justice Legion are as useless as ever!"
; ; Kunthoffer just puffed out his waxed white moustache and ; shook his head, regardless of all the helpful and non- ; helpful comments shouted his way. At last, as perplexed ; silence fell, he turned with exaggerated gravity, ; grasped his lectern in both hands, and said:
; ; "I want you to remember this for the rest of your meagre ; lives. The harder the suck, the bigger the blow!"
; ; (end) ; ;