More Aunt Sheila

by Sheilamuffin

More selections from my postbag

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am in a loving relationship with a wonderful guy. I really think you are wrong when you say that the only good loving is between two women.
Janice

Dear Janice
Good for you, dear. Write to me again when it all falls apart, ok?

Dear Aunt Sheila
I think you are totally disgusting. Like, how can you approve of incestusous relationships, particularly mother-and-daughter relationships. That is SO sick, you ought to go see a shrink.
Anon

Dear Anon
I don't usually reply to anonymous letters, but I found yours so moving. You are right, but I don't create the situations, I simply react to them.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Come on, own up, you are not fucking REAL! My guess is your are some frustrated guy who gets his rocks off promoting the lesbian thing, like, if you're not getting it, you'd rather women were fucking each other than going with other guys, like, any other guys but you.
Alex.

Dear Alex
Oh my, what an outburst! Take a deep breath, dear, then go out and find a really nice cock to suck. If you don't write to me again, I promise I will not be offended.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am so angry! I am totally in love with my Art Teacher, not that she knows it, and when 'I told my BEST FRIEND, she said it was just a "Crush". I hate her! What does she know about REAL love? I promise, I am not some adolescent airhead drooling over her Art Teacher, I really genuinely love her. But how can I EVER let her know how I feel about her? It's like driving me crazy.
Penny [name and address supplied]

Dear Penny
Oh my dear girl, I was in a very similar situation myself many years ago! And I talked to my best friend and she said things like "grow up* and "forget it" and "it's just a phase you're going through". And after that she was not my best friend any longer. Enjoy your passion, dream about your Art Teacher, but, to be honest, don't expect any miracles. Just be yourself, sweetie.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Help! I can't find my clitoris.
Marianne

Dear Marianne
It's there, dear. Just keep trying. Or ask a friend to find it for you.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Did you love your father? I mean, they say that a lot of lesbian women are lesbian because they had a thing for their dad. Don't mean to offend, just curious.
Annie Scott

Dear Annie Scott.
Yes, I loved my father. Thanks for asking.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am sixteen and I have big breasts, and I HATE THEM. It's like boys never stop making remarks about them, and even some girls at school are really CATTY, you know what I mean, making snide comments and calling me names? It's not my fault, why are people so CRUEL?
Beth [name and address supplied]

Dear Beth
If you think yours are big, you should see mine! Seriously, the day I will start worrying is the day when men - and women - stop ogling my boobs. Relax, girl, and enjoy the attention while it lasts. For every one of those stupid jealous assholes, there are nine who think your boobs are gorgeous.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I follow your column and I know you talk a lot of sense. But I have a question; if, as you seem to want, all women are lesbians and all men are gay, doesn't this mean that the human race will die out?
Tony

Dear Tony
No, dear. Just donate your sperm to the local bank, and a married lesbian couple will be very grateful.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am sure you try to be helpful, but your obvious prejudice in favor of homosexuality means that you are of little use to 80% (or more) of the human race. With your wisdom and experience of life, I think you ought to broaden your horizons.
Charles Palliser (happily married)

Dear Charles
It's a fair point you make, but I can only write about what I know. It's good that you are happily married, and I assume that your wife is also happily married! Sorry, old habits die hard!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I can't give you my real name cos I am only 13. People at school are calling me names, like dyke and lezzie and stuff, but I really don't know why. There's one girl in particular who leads everyone else on. I'm like, why me? and I don't want to go to school any more. I thought about telling my teacher but she's real old and I guess she wouldn't understand. I'm not like lesbian or anything, so I don't know why they are picking on me.
Susan [not my real name]

Dear Susan
My heart goes out to you. This is the worst kind of bullying, and I only hope you can find a teacher who will understand what you are going through. I had similar experiences in my teens, but at least in my case, the "accusations" were justified. Thank god we now live in a more tolerant age.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Does size matter?
Allie

Dear Allie
Probably not, though if you are a boy, it could be an issue.