Ask Aunt Sheila – 9

by Sheilamoist

It's been a while, but I thought you might like to read another selection from my postbag.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I have an embarrassing physical problem and I really don't want to go to the doctor's about it. Please don't laugh, but I have itchy nipples. I mean itchy like when a midge or a mosquito bites you. Of course when I scratch my nipples, they, you know, get like all aroused, and so do I.
Please advise me.
Michelle

Dear Michelle
You lucky thing! I scratch my nipples all the time and LOVE IT! But I guess if the itching becomes really annoying, you need to apply some kind of salve, but not any kind of antihistamine as that will deaden the sensation, and you don't want that, do you? Personally, I recommend saliva, preferably someone else's. Surely you could find some girl friends who would be willing to suck your nipples, purely for medical reasons of course....

Dear Aunt Sheila
I have two gorgeous daughters, Mandy, 6. and Sophie, 8, and I love them to bits, but i am worried about my elder girl's behavior. I know you say masturbation is normal in young children, and I just ignore it when I see Sophie touching herself, but she has started to masturbate her little sister and that doesn't seem right to me. What do you advise? Alison

Dear Alison
First question is: does Mandy enjoy it? I would only be worried if she DIDN'T like having her big sister's fingers probing her lil kitty. Second question is: do you ever join in? I would only be worried if you held back from giving your little darlings the pleasure - and the instruction - that they need. My advice: get involved, help them learn to love their cunnies, help them learn the joy that is sex between girls and women.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Sory if I dont rite so good, but im only 9 and speling isnt my best thing. dont tell my mom i rote to you or shell kill me. i am geting reelly freeked out cos my big brother keeps showing me his thingy, every chance he gets. i dont like it its like a fat ugly sossage and sometims it gets stiff and i jus wish he wunt keep making me look at it. i think its gross, but hes my brother n i dont wanna get him in truble.
Hannah C

Dear Hannah
You are right, sweetie, males are gross and their thingies are horrible. I know it's difficult, but you should tell your mom about this. If you really can't bring yourself to do that, then you have to be much smarter than your brother. Next time he does it, tell him you have seen other boys' "cocks" and they are all much bigger than his. Tell him you are not interested in LITTLE cocks like his.
Boys think size is so important, it will really freak him out!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I just met this girl and we have made out a few times and it's like great sex, except for one thing: when I go down on her, I know she loves it, but she sobs all the time. I mean not moan or stuff like that, but really sobs, like she was sad or in pain or something. And when she, you know, cums, she stops sobbing, but her face is a mess of tears. Is that weird, or is it weird?
Puzzled Pamela

Dear Pamela
Grow up, girl. You are pressing all the right buttons, and that's all that matters. I once had a girlfriend who started to sing, literally, like snatches of operatic arias when she got roused. I tell you one thing: I never went down on a girl who remained completely silent! So, just accept, different people react in different ways. And enjoy the ride!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I know you have dealt with this topic before, but I am really concerned about sex during menstruation. I know a lot of women feel even hornier when they are on their period - I know I am - but if you suggest sex, they just kind of clam up, you know, purse their lips, like you had suggested something disgusting. Why is that?
Red Ruthie

Dear Ruthie
(Love your nickname, by the way), I have struggled with this question for more years than I care to remember.Let's not be delicate about this. If your girlfriend or partner has a heavy period, I mean REALLY heavy, or if she gets horrible cramps, sex is not the first thing in her mind.
Otherwise, and in any case after the first couple of days when the flow is reduced, sex is not only possible, it is positively enjoyable. If you are like me, and you enjoy all those female genital tastes and flavors and aromas, it's a magical time for lovemaking.
But, at the end of the day, if she doesn't want to do it, or if she doesn't want you to go down on her, best to accept that. Pity, though, she doesn't know what she's missing!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I have read your column for many years, and I respect the advice you give out, except for one recurring theme which really bothers me. You seem to believe that sex between women is the only good sex and that any other kind of sex is somehow either wrong or inferior. Or am I missing something?
Terry

Dear Terry
You are only "missing something" if you are not having sex with other women, sweetie! Hell, I don't care what other people do, male or female, young or old, lefthanded or righthanded. They can shag sheep or telegraph poles or stick copies of Time Magazine where the sun don't shine and shout hallelujah. All I know is that the love - physical, emotional and spiritual - between two women is beautiful, and I would recommend it every time.
Terry, my love, I suspect that you want to do it, but haven't screwed up the courage to do it. Am I right? Email me privately if you wish. Big hug - woman to woman!

Dear Crappy Aunt Sheila
You are a fat ugly bigoted asshole dyke and should be taken out and pissed on. Why don't you just stuff an Uzi up your filthy c....t, pull the trigger, and die.
100% Red-blooded MALE

Dear 100%
I am puzzled as to the nature of your problem, dear. Are you angry because I don't want to go to bed with you? Or is it just the small size of your penis that makes you so bitter? Never mind, dear, at least it's bigger than your brain.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I live with my mom and we have a great relationship. She knows I am lesbian and is cool with that. Recently, I met this terrific girl, Sean, and took her home to meet my mom. What happens? My mom comes on to Sean! I couldn't BELIEVE it! And now, Sean just talks about my mom like ALL the time, like she's really hot for her. Help!
Crazy Charlotte

Dear Charlotte
Wow, you are one lucky girl! Having a mom as sexy as yours, you should be proud. More than that, you should be getting into the action. Take Sean home again, you make the dinner, plenty of wine, and then get set for a dreamsome threesome! My god, if I could be there, I would make it an awesome foursome!
Put it this way, whoever said "three's a crowd" wasn't thinking about you and Sean and your horny mom.