Ask Aunt Sheila – 8

by SheilaMoist4U

Being an "agony aunt" is a very enriching experience, and I apologize if I sometimes get a bit grouchy - usually when I get dumb comments from dumb dweebs.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I read somewhere that girls become lesbians because they are too ugly to attract a man. I think it is true. What do you think?
A mere male [name and address supplied]

Dear Mere Male
Ask Ellen de Generes. Ask Paulette Perrey. Ask Jodie Foster. Do us all a favor, mere male, and go f**k yourself.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I have a teeny weeny little wart thing on my labia, and I am very self-conscious about it. I am afraid no woman will want to lick me when she sees it. Should I have it removed? And will it hurt?
Shy Annie

Dear Annie
You dear silly girl! It adds to the charm and interest of your cunt, dear. Think of it as a beauty spot. I know I would love to go down on you, and I know I would not be able to resist tickling your teeny weeny little beauty spot with my tippytip tongue.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Most of the girls in my class at school are into playing sex games with each other. I haven't joined in, but I have watched them doing stuff, you know, kissing on the mouth, fingering each other's pussies, even licking them sometimes. They call me scaredy cat and chicken because I don't join in. But why should I if I don't want to? Hannah C

Dear Hannah
You are absolutely right, my angel, not to join in if you don't want to. It's a free country, and you have that choice. What I cannot understand is why the hell you don't want to. Maybe if you tried it - say, with your best friend - you would discover how wonderful it is to kiss and cuddle and touch another girl. After all, darling, you don't want to start messing with boys, do you?!

Dear Aunt Sheila
I am a Muslim girl from a very strict family and I am dying with shame because I am in love with another girl. We have to meet in secret, but when we do, our lovemaking is like a gift from Heaven. If my family ever found out, they would kill me, but I can't give my beloved up - she means everything to me. What should I do?
PS Please don't publish my name and address.
Selma X

Dear Selma
My heart goes out to you, Selma. There are still far too many societies and religious groups that have this barbaric attitude to lesbianism. It's ironic, really, because the wives in harems routinely have sex with each other, which they much prefer to the brutal fuck-sessions with their so-called "lord and master". I don't have a solution to your problem, Selma, but maybe you and your beloved should think about emigrating to a country where lesbians are free to be themselves, where nobody takes any notice.

Dear Aunt Sheila
What is a "gang bang"? The lesbian couple who live next door have invited me to one, but when I asked what a gang bang was, they just giggled and said "It's a kind of party. You'll find out." They are very nice and I am sure I will like it, whatever it is, but I thought I'd better check with you first.
Lil Emily (that's what everyone calls me, cos I am only small)

Dear Lil Emily
Come on, kid, nobody can be that naive! Think about it: a gang is a group of people, and a bang is another way of saying a fuck. Go figure. OK, I will give you a further clue: brace yourself, because you are going to be fingerfucked, muffmunched and banged with dildoes in every orifice by a whole bunch of horny party women. And, yes, you will like it, I guarantee. You are gong to have the time of your life, lil Emily, you lucky bitch!

Dear Aunt Sheila
You keep going on about lesbians, but not all of us are that way. Me, for example, I have a steady boyfriend, and I let him have sex with me, and I don't mind it at all. So, I think you should stop trying to turn every girl into a lesbian, just because you are one.
Happygirl [name and address supplied]

Dear Happygirl
I want you to do something for me. Look carefully at this sentence from your letter: "I have a steady boyfriend, and I let him have sex with me, and I don't mind it at all." Think about it. you "let him have sex", but it's supposed to be a two-way thing. You sound as if you don't enjoy it, you just lie back and let him penetrate you, grunt, cum, fart and then go off to the fridge for a beer. And that other phrase "I don't mind it at all" is a dead giveaway. Hell, girl, you are supposed to ENJOY sex, you are supposed to reach orgasm, go wild, touch the sky, curl your toes, bite your bottom lip and shout Halle-fucking-luyah! I think, my love, you need therapy, and the best therapy would be to find a willing girl and experiment sexually with her. And if that doesn't curl your toes, I will eat my vibrator! PS I am not trying to turn every girl into a lesbian. I merely reflect the fact that more and more girls and women are discovering their true sexuality. Go discover yours, honey.

Dear Aunt Sheila
Whenever I get really really sexually aroused, I lose control of my bladder and emit little jets of peepee. It's embarrassing, but worst is if my girlfriend has her mouth on my cunt at the time. She says she loves it, but I don't believe her. Do you think she is just being nice about it?
Penny

Dear Penny
No, I think she loves it. What do you want me to say? If you did that in my mouth when I was down on ou, Penny dear, I would take it as a compliment - I am so good at muffmunching, it makes you pee!

Dear Aunt Sheila
Were you ever married? I only ask because you seem to know such a lot about men. I wish I knew as much as you do.
Katy Curious

Dear Katy
I refuse to answer your question on the grounds that the memory is too painful! Seriously, when it comes to men, what is there to know? Sexually, they are useless. In other ways, they have their uses, like the little man who does my garden or the lumbering neanderthal who services my car. Just think of men as overgrown little boys and you won't go far wrong.

Dear Aunt Sheila
I just found out that my mother had a lesbian affair when she was at college. I came across some love letters and some photos of her with another girl, all loving etc. My mom doesn't know I know, but I am dying to talk to her about it, because I have, you know, feelings that way. How do you think she will react?
Tina

Dear Tina
If I were your mother, the first thing I would do would be to put you across my knee and give you a damn good spanking for rooting around in my possessions. Then, I would give you a big hug and tell you how proud I was that you have what you so sweetly call "feelings that way" (Try saying the word LESBIAN out loud. It's a beautiful word). And then, I would throw you on the bed and show you how to express those "feelings" with lips and tongue and hand and fingers.
My guess is your mom will react in moreorless the same way. Go for it, girl!

Dear Aunt Sheila
Do little girls, I mean REALLY little girls, get horny? I know I did when I was a boy of only six or seven, but that was with other boys and I just don't know about girls at all.
Dave (15)

Dear Dave
Good. Keep it that way. Now go away and find a nice man to play with your little thingy. And leave the girls to enjoy each other.

[Post your comments and questions to Aunt Sheila. All letters will be answered]