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Everyone in Middle-Earth is being slashed these days, with the exception of Sauron. Guess you can't really have sex with a character who takes the form of a giant flaming eye. But this story plays with canon in that Sauron can take on material form, and so, when Legolas is captured by orcs and brought to Barad-Dur, the Dark Lord takes on the form of an handsome male elf to investigate. He sets Lego up in a cushy suite to recover from his wounds and becomes strangely attracted to the elf's beauty, as most slash characters are. Legolas soon understands there is nothing to fear... and you can see where this is all going, even without the lyrics interspersed throught the prose. The story was a brave attempt by the author to slash Sauron, and though she succeeded in some areas, such as incorporating Silmarillion history into the story ("Nothing is pure evil, Elfling. Even my mentor was not. He desired, he stole, he raped the land, but it was done in envy. Melkor had not the light that the other Valar possessed, it drove him mad.") she never made me believe that Sauron could mend his ways so easily and fall in love with his captive. A love, mind you, strong enough for him to sacrifice his ambitions and let the One Ring be destroyed. Nope, didn't buy it all. You need more than a few conversations for two characters to bond; a few shared adventures wouldn't hurt either. Going from evil to good requires quite a leap, and the story was way too short to show this successfully. No one suffered for love, no one bled or even cried. It was like a gradual sink into a warm, scented bath, and I got bored. Although I don't like to nitpick on grammar and spelling there were a few errors that leapt out at me, such as "The orcs were snuffling and grunting in their amusement now, one pulling out a metal tipped whip with a feral, toothy grin." It took a double take for me to realize the orc was grinning, not the whip. And though a feral, grinning whip is a nice simile, it's also a case of a mislaid clause. In sum, thumbs up for trying, but things were resolved too conveniently, and the characters could have been better explored. Also, the lyrics weren't necessary. The prose did just as well without them. (2/03)
The Fellowship we all know and love are about to enter Lothlorien when Legolas is hit in the ass with an arrow. ("The Company of the Ring and the Lórien Elves stood around the stricken archer from Mirkwood, mouths gaping open, temporarily frozen with shock. Which turned into stares of admiration for Legolas' butt was really cute.") For this is a parody, and a parody of a Legolas/Anyone fic at that. Cliches get skewered right and left as Aragorn, to no one's surprise, gets first dibs on the goods:
'I have the ears of a fox and damned if Aragorn isn't banging the Elf!' said Gimli.
Merry and Pippin sniggered and whispered together. Frodo and Sam lay within each other's arms wondering if they should take a walk while Boromir grumbled to himself.
'I will find no rest here.' said Boromir.
'Yeah, well not while they're goin' at it. Listen to them.' And Gimli put a hand to his ear. The sounds of mutual pleasure drifted over from the other tent and suddenly six pairs of pants were too tight.
This was the first part of four (more of the same occurs in later chapters) and I found it amusing, though it could have been written more tightly... the comic timing seemed to drag. Still, the author's on the right track. (2/03)
If you've read my other reviews you'll notice I read only human-oriented LOTR fanfics, and that most of them involve either Legolas or Aragorn. This is partly for personal reasons, and partly by default. Aragorn is my favorite character, but Legolas has the most dramatic and exciting storylines, and because I like to read exciting stuff, most of the stuff I crit tends to involve one or the other, or both. I guess other fans feel the same way, as there's a goldmine of fics out there about this duo.
So we have this Aragorn/Legolas romance story, from the excellent Loverboys Blue archive. The Fellowship are about to depart from Rivendell on the Quest, and after his goodbyes to Arwen Aragorn is feeling both lonely and unworthy. Not only is he forbidden to have sex with her (nicely explained in the story as a matter of honor and tradition) but there's the possibility he never will, as he has to regain the throne of Arnor to be proven worthy of her hand. This seems like a daunting task, so he wanders the forests feeling forlorn, and comes upon a naked Legolas about to go for a swim. I always think it's fun to pinpoint the spot where an otherwise innocent fanfic reveals its slashy nature, and here it's at "gentle curves":
"I suppose that is because I am, Legolas," Strider sighed. His eyes involuntarily traveled down the gentle curves of Legolas' body, watching the blond beauty wade into the pool. Elves truly were the fairest of all creatures. Until he met Elves, Strider had never met a man he could attribute the word "beautiful" to, and mean it. And yet, ever since he first met him, Strider could attribute no other word but "beautiful" to describe Legolas.
This story accomplished what so much slash tries to do, and fails so utterly at: a believable portrayal of man-man sex in the context of the book/movie (well, as believable as it could be.) The two share a heart-to-heart talk (in this story, they're good friends from way back) with Aragorn disclosing his doubts about himself, and Legolas reassuring him that it's OK to be who he is. He offers some psche-healing psyche, the premise being "I can offer you pleasure of the body. I can give you my paltry healing balm for your soul. But your lady is the one who will wipe away your troubles, when you let her. But since you are not ready for your lady's comfort, I shall give you mine, Aragorn. Without hesitation." There was lots of good stuff here, from banter revealing elven-human sexual differences ("[Aragorn] had been shocked, even intrigued, when he had discovered how sexually adventurous Elves were. Most did not limit themselves to one gender, and would be considered promiscuous by human standards, at least in their youths") to the treatment of Arwen, who gives her tacit approval to the affair in a direct and sympathetic way ("I cannot give him the comfort he desires, for many reasons, not the least of which is his own doubts... For what it is worth to you, Legolas, Aragorn loves you as well, in a different and far more subtle way. We are alike, you and I, for loving a great man, who does not believe he is great at all.") In the end, the sex is not so much as the heartfelt comfort of a friend. Whether the affair will grow wings is unknown, but the story sure as hell made it convincing that it happened. And on a second read, I pushed the grade from an A to A+, because it did what it did so well. (3/03)
Tricia writes very good LotR fanfic tales focusing on intense emotions and extreme events. Her strength is that she always takes care to give plausible reasons for her characters' actions and reactions; even when departing radically from canon (and fanon) she convinces you the characters really would react the way she has them, even when, logically, they shouldn't. This makes for some of the best Tolkien slash I've encountered so far, smooth, enjoyable reads that leave me well-entertained, and well-slashed. This story spins off from an incident that is in both the book and the movie. In the book it's barely a blip, but in the movie it's played for a semi-major conflict: after fleeing the mines of Moria the party comes to Lothlorien where they expect to find solace, but find friction instead. Legolas scouts the area beforehand and meets up with Haldir, a character interpreted by some fanfic writers as arrogant, by others as noble. Here, he's a heavy. He takes strong issue with Legolas bringing a dwarf into Lothlorien and attempts to convince him otherwise... by a humiliating semi-rape aided by two or three others, the ordeal made more hellish by the assumption that bad stuff like this isn't supposed to happen in such a fair place. Legolas refuses to give in to their demands even as his body betrays him, and the tension between pleasure and shame makes for some very compelling reading. The meat of the story, however, is what happens when Aragorn finds out about it later. In the story the two are presented as being attracted to each other but keeping it hidden, being unsure of each others' reactions. Legola's rape and Haldir's treachery complicates things, but eventually the attraction is voiced and consummated. This was an excellent rape/hc fic and I was going to give it an A+, but two things really bothered me. One was that Legolas endures Haldir's rape by imagining it's Aragorn ravishing him instead of some horny elves. Uh-uh, nope. Doesn't really fly, psychologically, with me. Of course this is slash and anything is possible, but the other emotional bits were so well handled, it seems a shame to louse things up by sticking in this dubious bit of projection. The second is the revenge that Aragorn inflicts on Haldir, which seems rather pat. I was expecting a confrontation between the two, with Aragorn showing himself the better man by refusing to stoop to his level, but no, he beats the crap out out of him. Not very kingly. Nevertheless this was a very good story for its handling of rape and shame, intimacy and lust, and I recommend it for those reasons. (3/03)
Most LotR slash concentrates on established characters in the book- and movieverses (Legolas/anyone, etc.) but this story spins off into the future, thirty or so years after the destruction of the One Ring. Aragorn has been King of Gondor for many years and his son Eldarion is about to come of age: it's the prince's 18th burthday and a big celebration is planned. The story reveals its slashy nature in the first few paragraphs as the prince, aided by Elrohir (one of the elusive twin sons of Elrond) has his hair done and picks out royal robes for the ball. But what follows is more family drama than romance as Eldarion reveals he has a crush on Dad's old friend Legolas (who, being an elf, doesn't look a day older than when Dad was with the Fellowship) bringing up some oogie boundary issues, not incest though it certainly feels like it. He confesses his desire to Elrohir who advises him against it:
"But I want him," he insisted. "I want him more than I've ever wanted
anything in my life. And I know it is not just foolish desire! I will not feel
whole until I know what it is like to hold him."
"Well, I'm afraid you can't have him," Elrohir stated seriously. "He is not
yours to have. He is bound to Gimli."
Eldarion disagrees with this, and youth battles age and experience culminating in Elrohir whacking him across the cheek when the prince gets too lippy about the incestuous relationship he shares with his twin Elladan, a fanon staple. The juicy scene gets further complicated when Aragorn walks in on the catfight (elfight?) demanding to know what is going on. Later, there's a party where a sulking Eldarion observes his object of passion:
"Oh my...." Eldarion whispered to himself, leaning his weight against the
wall and taking another gulp of wine.
Things end on a spicy note as the twins and Legolas all commence to dance laciviously together and start heading for the enraptured Eldarion. This was an enjoyable tale for what it offers, tabloid thrills starring favorite characters who yearn for the impossible. One of my favorite kinds of tales, in fact, but, as I have said elsewhere, 95% of fanfic is junk food for the mind, and this tale was no different -- I couldn't take it seriously as either Tolkien pastiche or a story in its own right. Still, it was fun, and the author has a good hand with description. (3/03)
Here's another first-time story; this time the ravished one is Legolas. It borders on AU in that the author has come up her own take on Elvish mating customs:
It was felt that such an Elfling, however loosely he might choose to behave in later days, should be relieved of his virtue in as formal a manner as possible, by an Elf of high birth and impeccable reputation. This would "maintain his nobility" no matter what he chose to engage in afterwards, and for Legolas, it was the only course of action his royal father would condone.
This sets an amusing Georgette Heyer tone for what follows. King Thranduil has decided Celeborn is the one to deflower Legolas, and conveys that message to him in a letter that Legolas carries. When the Fellowships arrives at Lothlorien (as per book and movie canon) they have no idea of the hidden mission of the party's only elven member.
There was a lot of slashy fun in this story, from the juicy way everyone salivates over the "elfling" ("Haldir could barely keep the smirk from his face as he stalked gracefully up to the heights of the mallorn where Legolas had retreated. So the little peach was ripe, was he?") to Legola's pre-sex jitters ("Would it be dirty and shameful? He had grown up hearing all the advice he would ever need about this night, but - to be loved in that place? What if he soiled Celeborn's bed?") All very romantic, very gauzy. And a double thumbs up to the swoon-worthy sex scenes:
Never mind that Lego is a strapping young buck and not quite so infantilized and ethereal as he's presented here; it's part and parcel of a very enjoyable ride. What I didn't like about the story was that it switched POV so often; surely events would have benefitted from staying only in Legolas's head? I know it's tempting to resort to outsiders to describe his naked glory again and again; but if so, set it off, please, and switch sparingly. (3/03)
Aragorn, after having been king for twenty years, has inexplicably turned against the elves, who are leaving Middle-Earth in droves to go over the sea. Elrond dispatches Legolas, Glorfindel, Elladan and Elrohir to find out why, the five following in the footsteps of the Fellowship as they travel across Middle-earth, even stopping at Moria (now ruled by Gimli) as they seek clues about the king's strange behavior. Of all of them, only Legolas has an inkling why: he was the one who spurned Aragorn's advances all those years ago, a slight the king has festered over ever since. Finally the group reaches Minas Tirith to confront the king, and some are captured, some die, and some become lovers. Now all this sounds intriguing, but as a story, it had problems. Did everyone really need to recreate the epic journey from The Fellowship of the Ring? Couldn't it have been different in some way? Another problem was the way the author wrote it, structuring the sections with headings indicating time and place: "Begin Flashback" or "The Next Morning." It was like the author was too lazy to bother with scene setting and wanted to get on with the story in the quickest way possible. A third problem was nothing much happened. The mystery didn't get any more intriguing, and for such a long journey, the characters ran into surprisingly little difficulties. Where's the orcs, the inclement weather? All they did was sing a few songs and socialize. The whole felt to me like the author was trying to write a plausible continuation to the book and revisit some well-loved characters, and in that she succeeded... but as a story, slash or otherwise, it really didn't work. (4/03)
In LotR fanfic there are many variations on the Parth Galen theme: Merry and Pippin (in canon) or Legolas (fanon) or all three of them being carried off by orcs and raped/abused in horrible ways, with various means of rescue and recovery. This story has a twist in that the victim is Aragorn. He is rescued, of course, and the rest of the fic is about how he deals with it.
This wasn't an NC-17 rated tale; the abuse is non-explicit, but well handled psychologically. For once a writer treats it realistically and in character in a way that's consistent with the book:
It's quite different from the Legolas Parth Galen rapefics, where the abused elf usually grovels in shame. Aragorn comes across as a real man here, unusual for the genre, and very well done.
Of course, since this a h/c fic someone must offer comfort, and so Legolas does:
The author does a damn good job of getting the point across in all of this without being sexually explicit, which in a way would be taking the easy road out. Though the h/c theme was handled nicely, the story had other faults. As in "The Dark King" the author chose to recreate, from a different POV, large parts of the battle for Helm's Deep for no purpose. If I wanted to read Tolkien I'd read Tolkien, so why reiterate what's already there? We want to see what he didn't show us. Most fanfic writers would have gotten from point A to point E with a break in scene, not a stop at every point in between, and that's what should have been done here. The writing was very good in the recreated parts, the prose faithful to the book, but it was still unnecessary. So, a mixed grade. (4/03)
When a story begins "Legolas became acutely aware that their number had increased by one. Not that slimy little lech Gollum, who followed them with his Ring obsession, but within himself, the elf knew, a new Fellowship member was growing." you know exactly what you're getting. And who is responsible for our favorite elf's condition? That rascally roue Glorfindel of course. Male pregnancy stories have suffered derision for years from the fanfic community, but I admit they are a hoot. This short story was told in a deadpan tone that details the progression of the blessed event from Rivendell through Moria, ending with the delivery at the gates of Lothlorien (the author coyly leaving off exactly how this child of a male is delivered.) It was very wacky in an alternate-universe way, although I don't think the author meant it as seriously as it came off. (4/03)
There isn't a lot of Wormtongue slash in LotR fanfic. I can guess it's because he's a pretty unappealing character -- in both the book and the movie he's an emaciated greasy bootlicker. The possibilities are many, however, because he is in a position of power in Rohan and later Isengard, and therefore in the middle of the action when it comes to interrogating prisoners and the like. In this story he imprisons Eomer in the dungeons of Meduseld, spinning off from the scene in the movie where Eomer is accused of insubordination. The author portrays him as a decadent, perfumed fop with an unwholesome sensuality, and the chained Eomer strives mightily to avoid getting turned on by his attentions:
Grima finally wearied of the game and discarded the crop. "You are indeed a stupidly stubborn man, Eomer. I hope that brings you comfort as my cock plunges into your bound and helpless body."
There was a rustle of cloth and a moment later Eomer felt it; the beginnings of the penetration. Grima's cock was oiled, and with all that had already been applied to the Rider, the rigid erection could not be held back.
Eomer gasped and shivered as he was invaded. His thoughts swam in confusion; there was no escaping the knowledge that his hated enemy Grima was the man plunging hard and fast into him, but it was equally impossible to deny that it felt as good as it always had with Theodred.
The story came from the Male Writers Archive, an archive of slash written by (presumably) gay or bisexual men -- rarities in the slash world, which is mostly female. But there wasn't much difference in it from a female-written fic. Slash is truly universal! It boggles the mind. That said, the story was not as psychologically complex as "Hidden Wounds" or "In the Shadows of Lothlorien" in its portrait of the male victim. Eomer is humiliated and forced to take unwilling enjoyment in it, and that's all. A bit simple, not quite as shame-heavy as some rape fics, but a nice conjecture of what a pairing between these two characters might be like. (4/03)
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