12/10/98 Fresh Produce (Bernadette); The Bellboy (HotScribe); Hot Tub (HotScribe); Dream (Mark Aster); Demoted into Depravity (Zawackyj Zabum); Mall Strut, Parts 1 and 2 (Maria Gonzales); Dark Angel (Inkstain); Ruthie's Christmas Story (Gary); Merry Christmas Baby (The Enigmatic Big Miss Sunbeam); Cam's Holiday Treksmut (Cameron Burnell)
12/17/98 His Pet, Parts 1, 2 and 3 (Darlene Milner); Behooved (Adrian Hunter); Death and the Veteran, Parts 1 and 2 (Ruthless); Ronan My Dark Angel (Daniel Master); The Stone of the Phalanx (Enterpise1701)
I have a larger than usual load of stories this week, ripped
through in boredom if nothing else. The nights are dark and it's
too cold to go out or do much.
I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my question about the origin of "Millamber." This only proves what I've always thought--that fantasy and SF fans are also erotica fans. The two genres are a lot alike. For the record, Millamber is the grown-up identity of Pug, a magically talented kitchen boy who grows up to be a mage in Raymond Feist's "Riftwar" series of books. Along the way he's enslaved in a neo-Aztec world, but sadly there's no BDSM involved. That will have to wait for a more adventurous writer, I think.
Fresh Produce [A]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 12/1/98
Author: Bernadette
Address: bybernadette@my-dejanews.com
In this story, which consists mostly of witty double-entendres exchanged in a grocery store, an older woman meets a handsome man when she falls on her ass in a puddle of spilled chocolate milk. Then the puns start coming fast and thick:
With the speed of a dribble of Heinz Ketchup slowly emerging
from a bottle in a TV commercial, Henley reached over and kissed
Nora briefly but passionately on the lips. Her ice cream was
beginning to melt. Any minute now it would be turning to liquid
and start seeping out of the edges of her box.
There's more. Then the couple finally has sex in the meat
department:
He raised his body to her beautiful face, touching her cheeks
lightly with his Oscar Myer Wiener. Nora took his penis into her
open, full mouth like a popsicle. She sucked him hard and ran
her tongue along his needy shaft, until he was begging for
mercy and his hot, hearty soup came out like an open floodgate,
filling her mouth as it dribbled everywhere else too.
In sum, very silly and enjoyable, showing the naughty things
that can be done with the English language.
The Bellboy [A]
The Hot Tub [A]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 11/27/98
Author: HotScribe
Address: mikaal@hotmail.com
It looks like HotScribe is one writer who's out to step into Dulcinea's shoes, with a series of short stories narrated by a man who tells his female companion all the things she does. They're hot, slightly more porny than romantic, and more dialogue- oriented than Dulcinea's offerings were. In "The Bellboy" the narrator watches his wife seduce a young bellboy in their hotel room, after which they have three-way sex; in "The Hot Tub" the narrator and his wife have sex in a hot tub with a little bit of rimming. Take a look at these if you're in the mood for something short. It looks like we have a worthy successor.
Dream [A]
Where posted: ASCEM
When posted: 11/30/98
Author: Mark Aster
Address: MyFrThAl@aol.com
This story might be Aster's entry into Dulcinea territory. In what is intended to be a dream sequence, a woman in a disconnected mental state enters a restaurant where she gives a hand job to a waiter, then eats a gourmet meal while she watches him fuck the blonde hostess on a table. Brief and erotic, though I wonder how you can eat and masturbate at the same time.
Demoted into Depravity [A-]
Where posted: ASSB, ASSM
When posted: 11/30/98
Author: Zawackyj Zabum
Address: zawackyj_1@hotmail.com
An unscrupulous boss manipulates his sweet young thing of a secretary into becoming a sex slave for the firm by showing her some bondage pictures and ordering her to go without underwear. He then has his partner drive her to the warehouse where she is to serve, which at this point consists of her being suspended upside-down, having her heinie lashed, and her pussy eaten. Doesn't sound so bad to me.
The buildup of this story was very good, as the secretary squeaks and stutters as things began to get out of hand:
The young blonde felt extremely reluctant to comply,
instinctively knowing there would be some kind of unpleasant
surprise in store for her. But she cautiously reached over and
slipped her hand into his pocket, feeling around inside it and
pulling out a handful of cloth strips that made her gasp with
fright. He had the remains of her underwear in his pocket and
her reaction of dread made the wicked old man laugh out loud.
However, half the tale was missing: namely the beginning and
the end. The story begins in mid-conversation and ends rather
abruptly with the line "Her life as a sex slave had begun." Surely
there's more to it than that? This was too bad, as the writing here
was pretty good; the author could spin a longer tale if he or she
wanted.
Mall Strut, Parts 1 and 2 [B+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 11/26/98
Author: Maria Gozales
Address: maria1971@aol.com
In this story, the author's first, a woman loses a bet with her husband--one of those ever-so-popular "be my slave for a day" deals--so she has to walk through the mall dressed as tramp. She undergoes a transformation from bored housewife to sex fiend and has an encounter with a group of three athletic men and a lesbian she picks up in the ladies lounge.
This story was more of a personal fantasy than a story, but fairly interesting and readable in spite of it; like all personal fantasies, the interest comes from conjecturing what the writer is like as a person. The mall-strutter's feelings were vivid and well described as were the acts she committed (exhibitionism, public sex, a four- way, etc.) and this is probably enough for those who want a quick, easy read.
Dark Angel [A]
Where posted: ASSGM
When posted: 11/27/98
Author: Inkstain
Address: inkstain@peachworld.com
A young man living on his own in the big city acquires a guardian angel of sorts who saves him from a robbery in the 7-11 where he works. At the same time, he's trying to deal with his sexuality and making the leap from M/M cybersex on the IRC to real-life attraction and lovemaking with a coworker. In the midst of all this the "angel" reveals himself and shows he is not what he seems.
I liked this story a lot, as it dealt with the common themes of loneliness and looking for love in a way that was clear and uncluttered. The author wrote well and knew how to hang a plot twist up on the line. I would have liked to see a more creative hand in the writing, but like all creative endeavors, that will come with practice. Read this if you want something sentimental without being sappy.
Ruthie's Christmas Story [A-]
Where posted: ASCEM
When posted: 12/1/98
Author: Gary
Posted by: Ruthie Baby
Address: RuthieBaby@aol.com
In this story Mr. and Mrs. Claus go at it on Christmas night after he makes his deliveries. As if that wasn't sacrilegious enough, Mrs. Claus has a thing for being tied up in a leather harness and being whipped and sodomized on a footstool. Luckily the characters' advanced ages weren't mentioned; the picture given was of a spry, nubile Mrs. Santa in lacy undies who could endure all this without having a heart attack.
That said the story did an excellent job of setting the scene as Mrs. Claus prepares herself for her man, the descriptions mingling the nostalgic and the erotic:
There she waited for him, her head pulled proud and straight, the
cock-sized bit firmly settled in her teeth, her long strong arms
held up and behind her, and her thighs spread by the stool. She
could smell her cunt, feel it throb, and feel her nipples harden.
The only sound was the howl of the wind and the soft jingle,
jingle, jingle of the bells on the harness and an occasional snap
from the flames in the fireplace. She was afire. To the south she
could just make out the snort of his lead reindeer and the
clacking hoofs getting louder as the team strode the night to get
home to oats and rest. The bells of the sleigh getting louder and
the crack of the whip in the air driving them home filled her
mind. All she could hear were bells and cracks and bells and
cracks. The whip and he were almost home.
Unfortunately, this playful, magical, erotic mood was punctured
when Mr. Claus announces: "Good evening, my fucking whore."
I know many people consider talk like this sexually stimulating,
but somehow, hearing it from Santa Claus really threw me out of
the story. I'd think he'd say "Good evening, my saucy tart," or
some such. In sex stories words like cock and cunt and asshole are
neutral, but whore and slut tend to be negative, because they can
be used to degrade. Although I liked the idea of the story and the
naughty-goings on, profanity from Santa Claus was just too out of
character, and I had to shave off half a point off because of it.
Merry Christmas Baby, Parts 1 and 2 [A+]
Where posted: ASCEM
When posted: 12/6/98
Author: The Enigmatic Big Miss Sunbeam
Address: bigmisssunbeam49@yahoo.com
In the alternate universe that is Star Trek slash, Capt. Picard of the USS Enterprise and his arch-nemesis Q have become lovers and set up house together in New Orleans, accompanied by a pet bulldog named John Q. Apparrantly neither Dr. Crusher nor Starfleet Command has batted an eye at all this. Anyway, the two have a spat concerning Picard's former female lovers, and Picard has to coax Q out of his moping before the two can celebrate Christmas together.
Like many slash stories, the sex isn't the reason for the story or the high point; the character relationships are, and this author has done her work in writing the prim and proper captain and arrogant yet hysterical alien to a T. Fans of P/Q fiction should like this very much, and people who hate the show will like it very much too, as the redoubtable Jean-Luc humiliates himself in dialogue like this (he's waiting for his pet dog to take a crap in the park on Christmas Eve):
"John Q, let's walk home after Daddy Q, and if you . . . do
that thing that you need to do . . . then . . . Pere Noel will come
tonight, as you have been a good boy."
Later Picard and Q make up and have sex, slash style, with all the
accouterments of gayness straight women find so
mysterious/appealing: Adam and Steve sex catalogs, handcuffs,
ropes, costumes. Thoroughly in character, and thoroughly side-
splitting.
If you like the show, or want to see how witty slash can be, check this out.
Cam's Holiday Treksmut [B+]
Where posted: ASCEM
When posted: 11/29/98
Author: Cameron Burnell
Address: cameronb@juno.com
Here's more Treksmut in the holiday style, which means Christmas carols rewritten in naughty ways to reflect the naughty fun some fans have with their characters:
Jingle Bells - big cock swells
Fun to sing around the schoolyard if you're not in hearing range
of the nuns. If you can find this, you have my permission to sing
it.
It's blowjobs all the way
Kira's sucking Sisko off
and Worf thinks Dax is gay - HEY!
Time is running out for the 1998 Cyrrheal Awards, and in this
posting I'm happy to say I've found two strong contenders that
have made the final cut. As usual, the awards are bestowed on
stories that make a particular impression on me, whether for ill
or for good, from the 200 or so I've read this year. Though they
should not be taken as a "Best of..." list, many worthy stories will
be included. Keep your eyes peeled!
His Pet, Parts 1, 2, 3 [B+/B]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 12/10/98, 12/11/98, 12/13/98
Author: Darlene Milner
Address: Mindgames48@Hotmail.com
This story began as the type of simply written, mildly fantastic BDSM tale that new writers of neterotica often dabble in. The female in the story is a pet, and is treated as such: " 'Sit up, now, sweet pet, sit up.' She raises up from her knees, kneeling upright, hands in front of her breasts. 'Such a good puppy!' she hears as she glories to another stroke on her head. She is happy to have pleased Him."
This story showed some creativity, but failed to hang together as it was the clear the writer kept changing the premise of the story with each new chapter. For example in part 3 it transpires that the pet has been hypnotized into accepting this situation and keeps herself fit by using some specialized exercise equipment:
There was also the cycle, the seat of which was a vibrator made to
fit exactly against her clit, with a bulge that went into her vagina
and then spread nicely to be comfortable against her ass. The
vibrating seat would tantalize if she reached a certain speed....He
also had a treadmill for her. There was huge dildo near the front
of it that was filled with a concocktion that kept her hydrated,
and motivated...he inserted the Ben-Wah balls and the remote
controlled dildo and attach vibrators to each nipple...she
exercised to the suggestions on the tape and He controlled the
vibrators, balls and dildo stimulation.
There ain't no such thing as a fat sub in BDSM land!
Unfortunately the rest of the story said nothing new, and contained the annoying (and I mean really annoying) habit of referring to the pet's master as "He" or "His." As I remember from freshman English "He" and "His" are capitalized only in relation to a divine entity. Other BDSM writers have used this trick, apparently to emphasize the dom's superiority, but it comes across as cutesy and tiresome here.
Behooved [A]
Where posted: SSBB
When posted: 12/14/980
Author: Adrian Hunter
Address: adrianhunter@geocities.com
In this short piece, which was inspired by a Christmas display window in Bergdorf Goodman's, eight woman playing the part of female reindeer become ponygirls, or reindeergirls, and are harnessed to Santa's sleigh. The situation is only hinted however, in the voice of the perpetually grumpy yet perpetually aroused narrator Hunter commonly employs:
Damn it, Comet, hold still, willya? Christ, hasn't she figured out that every
time one of the team twitches, it jerks the nipple clamps on the deer behind
her?
Very short, but worth your time to read. Come on, it won't even
take a minute.
Death and the Veteran, Parts 1 and 2 [A+]
Where posted: ASSGM
When posted: 12/10/98
Author: Ruthless
Address: ruthless@mailserv.nbnet.nb.ca
If I was making a Top Hundred List, this story, coming in as a dark horse late in the year, would easily be Number One. The fact it was recommended to me by more than one reader says a lot for its merit, as recommendations from the ASS and ASSG bunch don't come in very often.
The last story I reviewed by Ruthless was "Jemilsil" (the 1/17/98 Reviews) which was a well-written transgender tale in an Oriental fantasy world with a strong historical feel. This piece was very different...grittier, with a convincing foreign feel as if the story had been translated into English from a different language. In fact, I wouldn't even have known them as being from the same author ifs the address wasn't the same. As I haven't seen any other stories, this author may be one of those that posts only once a year.
Anyway, the plot is this. A gay man in an unnamed, war-torn country (which may be Bosnia, though it isn't said) looks forward to spending a miserable Christmas in hunger and poverty. He mourns for a young lover lost at the front and tries to survive in the shattered city. Then a ray of hope appears: a cease-fire, a shipment of oranges, a Christmas tree. As part of his job he goes down to the airfield to process the paperwork of some released POWs, and receives the best surprise of all...
The story is gay, but don't let that stop you...it wouldn't stop the editor of The New Yorker. I'm not kidding. It's that good.
Ronan my Dark Angel [C-]
Where posted: ASSGM
When posted: 12/8/980
Author: Daniel Master
Address: master_daniel_65@hotmail.com
Like last week's "Dark Angel" this story is about a male vampire and his lover, but it's nowhere near as readable, instead serving us a salad--a blood pudding, rather--of disconnected cliches that seem to have come from a goth role-playing game. The story was little more than the author telling us his ideas for a story, and the grammar and syntax weren't so great either: "When his finger is in he rubbes my prostate and I scream again my breath comes in short pants I'm sweating like I'm in a fucking sauna."
Pass on this one and read some Poppy Z. Brite instead.
The Stone of the Phalanx [D-]
Where posted: ASSM
When posted: 12/15/980
Author: Enterprise 1701_d
Address: Enterprise1701_d@yahoo.com
Website: http://members.tripod.com/~enterprise1701_d/index.htm
This story, apparently written by a hormonally challenged fifteen-year-old TV addict, is one of the worst I've read this year and has absolutely no redeeming qualities, except maybe to another hormonally challenged fifteen-year-old TV addict. Mindless celebrity sex, Star Trek, and the KITT car from Knight Rider (who, as any child of the 80s can tell you, had a gay crush on David Hasselhoff) are combined in a plot involving a teenager who finds a set of magical 'phalanx' stones (I believe the author meant 'phallus') when his plane crashes on a desert island. In thrilling prose the author describes the soul-wrenching terror of the descent:
All this ran through his mind as the plain kept falling.
"Everybody, when I say 'duck' everybody bend over, and put your
arms around your knees, OK?" The calm voice of the captain
reassured most people on the plain.
My, what a laid-back pilot! I wonder if he was on Prozac. It's a
miracle drug you know.
Whatever, after finding the stones the kid gains superhero-like powers, including mind control, and a few days later has "...succeeded in fucking, screwing and abusing almost everybody who could interest him." Even scarier is an appearance by Tomb Raider heroine Lara Croft as one of the fuck objects. What the hell is the world coming to when people start having sexual fantasies about Ray Dream-modeled characters in a video game?
Don't touch this one unless you're fond of severe and brutal punishment.