The Annex Reviews, April 1998

4/7/98 "Reviews and Ratings" -- Killer (Stachys); Jungle Attack, Parts 1, 2, 3 (Islander); Brownstones and Balconies (Jeffb15); Smalltown Scandal (Delta); Stolen Moments (Watcher); My Sex Life (I.M. Strange; The Temple (GodzillaX)

4/16/98 -- Cassandra - Vampiress (JRParz); The Command Performance (SuthrnLrd); Purple Tornado (David Lawrence); Trapped in Stone, Parts 1, 2, 3 (redheaded composer); Girl Talk (Assmaster McStuff); Website Review: Ravensword

4/19/98 -- Little Filly (EZWriter); Jungle Ecstasy, Chapters 1 and 2 (Jorgen Karlsson); My Slut Diaries - Beach (Babette Chandler); Nunc Dimittis 5a and 5b (Andrej Koymasky); ManDance (Rajah Dodger); The Tape (ASparrow)

4/25/98 "Rants and Ratings" -- The Suit, Parts I - VII (Don Quixote); Injection (Val White); Restricted Lift (Godiva); Spot, the Wonder Mutt (Kevin Wagner); A Triple Twist (Kim)

4/30/98 "I am not a God" -- Cape and Cowl (Ann Douglas); The Spanking Machine! (Bratgirl); Suzi - Every Man's Dream (JM McMcmurray); Cement Shoes (Anonymous); Dies Irae (Janey); Tea for Two (Gloria)

4/7/98

Here's the first set of reviews for April. I've been doing this for nearly a year, can you believe it?

There's been a lot of talk about reviews and reviewing going on ASSD lately, and while I don't participate in that forum, I intend these postings to serve as a way to of making my opinions known. First off, I'm all for multiple reviews and authors reviewing authors. The "Spotlight" series is an excellent venue for this. It's probably not a good idea to scale the stories, though, as everyone had their own individual system and criteria. It could get confusing for readers.

I chose my own grading system for its ease of use. If you want to correspond them to Celeste's accolades, an A is equal to a 10, 10, 10, and an A+ is a 10, 10, 10 that goes above and beyond the call of duty. However, I give A+ ratings according to my own personal criteria, which evolves from day to day and month to month, and while I feel I know what makes good writing and a good story, I don't expect everyone to agree with my A+ ratings simply because there is a personal element in them. So there you have it. There's always a caveat in ratings systems.

I would also like to touch on briefly what differentiates a "stroke" story from a "story" story. (I apologize for the inelegance of this term.) Both are erotica, porn, what-have-you, but the stroke story is pure exploitation whose only purpose is to get you aroused, while story stories have plots, characters and character development, well-rounded settings, and a measure of realism, no matter how clumsily depicted. In other words, *some* effort is made to locate the story in the real world and suspend the reader's disbelief, making them believe for a short time, these are real events happening to real people. Stroke stories make no such concessions. Pussies are always shaved, cocks are always 12 inches long, tits balloon into watermelons with a coating of spunk. This is okay by me. I've read stroke on occasion, and enjoyed it.

But the problem with stroke is that it's almost impossible to crit. It's like trying to review directions on a Ronzini box for boiling spaghetti. The sequence of steps to follow is either grammatically sound and easy to follow, or it isn't. There's really nothing for a critic, or a reader, to say...and if those particular sex acts don't ding your doinger, you'll probably find the story disgusting, ridiculous, or tedious. Whereas good plotting, characters, and backgrounds can make even dull or abhorrent acts interesting. So if I don't review a lot of stroke or sometimes seem to make fun of it, that's why.

Lastly, I want to reiterate how time-consuming doing these reviews is. I'm a normal working schlub like all of you out there. I have a nine-to-five job, a house, pets, a social life. It's a lot of work choosing which stories to read, reading them, writing succinct and amusing reviews, then posting them. It's work to maintain a website and find interesting links. I do this week after week, for an average of 25 reviews a month. I'm not complaining. I find the work very interesting. But for the other reviewers out there, I want to repeat that's it takes a lot of backbone to make the long haul.

Among other news, I am still collecting website addresses, and also am collecting interesting newsgroups as well. If any of you out there want to know more about the posting and reviewing, I have posted a longer edition of the ASS story codes and Kim's reviewer's guidelines on my website (http://members.aol.com/ladycyrrh)

Killer [A+]
When posted: 3/28/98
Where posted: ASSGM
Author: Stachys
Address: stachys@eurobell.co.uk

If you follow my postings regularly, you may have noticed that the stories I give A+ ratings are either well crafted or deal with their subject matter particularly well. This story is no exception. The author has done an excellent job in creating his characters and building up suspense, even though the prose was uneven in places.

A teenage boy in an English town comes upon the naked corpse of another youth when he's walking his dog. It's clear the kid has been raped, and in addition to the normal feelings of shock and pity one would have in such a situation the protagonist feels a guilty pang of arousal as well. In a gay club that night he meets a man who may or may not be the serial killer, and they embark upon an affair...as he tries to come to terms with both the crime and his own homosexuality. Read the whole thing through to the end, as there's a surprise I never saw coming.

In sum, this story deserves its high grade for the sensitive handling of the boy's sexual identity conflicts, with another gold star for realism.

Jungle Attack, Parts 1, 2, 3 [C-]
When posted: 3/29/98
Where posted: ASSGM
Author: Islander
Address: islander@onramp.net

A scientist-adventurer crash-lands his time machine somewhere in the Iron Age. He's captured by the chief of a primitive tribe and spends most of his time being raped.

This was not a good story. The writing was laughable, the characters cardboard, and the plot idiotic. The sex was neither bad enough to be amusing, insightful enough to be interesting, or sadistic enough to be revolting. In fact, the whole thing came across as being concocted by a 14-year-old who's just watched a bad barbarian movie.

In short, as Ookla the Mok would say, "ARRugh!"

Brownstones and Balconies [B-]
When posted: 3/28/98
Where posted: ASSM
Author: Jeffb15
Address: jeffb15@aol.com

I could tell this author was trying...and trying very hard...to write a fancy piece of erotica that might have been intended as a present for a wife or girlfriend. In it, he details what happens when he and his lover go to a party in a brownstone and later fuck on the balcony. Not bad in theory, but romantic quickies happen all the time in sex stories, and this piece had nothing new to say about it except in the use of that intriguing title.

There were also a number of very peculiar descriptive phrases: "What delicacies are your ears, tender whorls inviting me deeper into a trance" "I mentally tug on the cord tied to your crotch" "The warmth of your buttery buns pressing against my stomach " that had the effect of producing snickers from this reader rather than awed literary respect. There's also this: "Damn, the underwear gets in the way. Frustrated, I take out my clasp knife and cut through the flimsy material. It falls in tatters inside the puddle of your pants." Why the hell do women in these stories never complain that their panties are ruined? And why don't complain about the crusty stains on their slacks and dresses that happened because they were forced to drive home without their panties?

Smalltown Scandal, by Delta [A]
When posted: 4/2/98
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
Author: Delta
Address: delta@nym.alias.net

In a small, god-fearing town somewhere in the heartland of America, a teacher has an affair, and has to be dismissed from her job. But there are repercussions from the act...

The writing in this short story was flawless and the technique interesting as well, the story being told by a narrator in alternating flashbacks and real-time scenes. The mystery drew me inexorably on to the story's conclusion, and there was real heartfelt emotion there as well. Make room for this one on your reading list.

Stolen Moments, by Watcher [A]
When received: 3/29/98
Author: Watcher
Address: llxzt@hotmail.com

This story also deals with intrigue, this time in the business world. A financial analyst working for Cor-Tec is called upon to do some work at the posh home of Barbara, the sharp but surprisingly vulnerable owner of the company. While he's working she asks him to spread suntan lotion on her back (she's in a bikini by the pool) and what follows is one of the most well- written oiling sequences I've read. The narrator is understandably nervous about this, as A) she's married and her husband is his boss; and B) the husband has been secretly siphoning money from the company coffers. Nothing happens the first time, however, though later CEO and employee share a special encounter where her motivations are revealed.

This was an excellent story that kept surprising me...from, "Oh no, not another sun n' sex story," to "This is getting interesting" to "Wow, this was really good." The prose was technically proficient as well with nary a phrase of word out of place, and the characters were believable, especially the CEO. The narrator could have used some work--I wasn't sure of his age or exact job, for example. But this was only a small nit in something otherwise very good, with a point to make about human nature as well.

My Sex Life #6 [B/B-]
When posted: 4/1/98
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
Author: I.M. Strange
Address: I.M_sub@hotmail.com

The writer of this story says: "[I] have had an interesting sex life. Nobody knows everything I've done. There is a part of me that wants to be known. The Internet affords me an opportunity to cater to exhibitionism and let all us voyeurs watch as I replay My Sex Life." He's also written nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7 for those voyeurs among us who can't get enough of his Sex Life, and presumably My Grocery List and My Insurance Clause will follow. He continues with "All of the stories written here are true. It's been spiced up where necessary to hold the interest of the reader, but the events as portrayed actually happened."

Ohhh-kay. Didn't the media try the same thing with Monica Lewinsky?

Putting aside this writer's hubris for the time being, this was an average, not particularly outstanding story straddling the median line of literate in which the narrator tells us about two girls he fucked as a redneck high school senior in the early 70s. How do we know that when no period detail is given? Hippies have a one- line mention. Both girls have great tits, the prettier one has a jiggly ass, yadda yadda yadda. Guess I've read too many this- really-happened sex stories, because this one failed to light up.

The Temple [B]
When posted: 3/26/98
Where posted: ASSD
Author: GodzillaX
Address: damos@adweb.net

A young virgin is tied to an alter as a sacrifice and teased into sexual readiness by a priest. A series of thuds announces the arrival of the god/demon/creature, Thoth, who is part man, part beast, and made of solid bronze, with a gigantic penis. When the rape is over (she eventually enjoys it) she is proclaimed "queen of the valley, and is nearly worshipped by the people of the area. "

The story was told in second person voice as if the narrator was a cinematographer describing a scene ("You look and can see semen coming out of the girls vagina, in great amounts") and though the tone wasn't as silly as those stories describing sexual acts from that point of view, it wasn't particularly innovative, either, and came off as a bit lazy...like someone who's narrating what's happening in the latest episode of "Xena: Warrior Princess." And it wasn't much of a story: virgin is sacrificed, gets raped, then becomes a queen. Not a lot of plot tension or character development. I also question the name "Thoth" for the god, as this is the name of an Egyptian deity with the head of a stork, and some of the descriptive passages were a trifle dumb ("her breasts stand high and proud, even lying down.")

However, it was a nice ritual rape fantasy (is that an oxymoron or what?) that tries to end on a positive note, which a lot of rape fantasies don't. If you like virgin sacrifice stories you might want to read this.

4/16/98

Hi, I just have a couple of things I want to say today.

Number one is that if any editors out there want to solicit stories for anthologies or websites, or any paid venue whatsoever, I would be happy to publicize that information in this column and on my website. The reason I'm saying this is that I found Maryanne Mohanraj was asking for submissions for an erotica anthology way after the fact, and had I known sooner, more writers could have been made aware of this fact. So, editors, take note!

Number two is I'm still looking for unusual erotica newsgroups to compile on my site (http://members.aol.com/ladycyrrh) with a brief review of the kind of fiction they contain and their spam-to-story ratio. If anyone can help me out, send me a line.

Gracias!

Cassandra - Vampiress [B-]
When received: 4/1/98
Author: JRParz
Address: JRParz@aol.com

Vampires are a hot ticket these days. From Anne Rice to role- playing games, their pointy little fangs are cropping up everywhere. Surprisingly, they are not as popular as they could be in the ASS realm, given the fundamental eroticism of their nature. (The late, great Bela Lugosi was beseiged with female fan mail after making "Dracula"--while in his 40s yet.) This is only the second vampire story I've seen.

A teenage girl named Cassandra is discovered by a modeling agent who tells her she's a natural for the biz. However, Cassandra's guardian Aunt Rhea isn't keen on the idea, so the agent drugs and bribes her to hand over Cassy's guardianship to him. Along the way Cassy fucks Nicole, her best friend, and meets a vampire named Damien Nightshade at a party, who makes such a big impression on her she has to run to the bathroom and finger herself to multiple orgasm. Later that night Damien takes over the mind of Tricia, another model, and turns her into his sex slave, and decides Cassandra will be his immortal bride. He generously gives Tricia to her to fuck as she sees fit until the (unholy) union.

You'd think with a combination of vampires, lesbianism, and teen models the story would be pretty hot, but it wasn't. I found my attention wandering after the first 200 words, not a good sign. Part of it was due to the point of view. The writer wandered in and out everyone's heads at will: "As Cassandra strolled away, the agent couldn't help but gaze at the girl's lovely rounded ass" "Rhea didn't relish the idea of taking responsibility of a fifteen year old girl" "When Rhea told her niece about the conversation, Cassandra became angry and upset with her aunt." For the maximum effect, stick to one person, please. The passive sentences also gave the effect of a story lectured rather than a story seen, heard, smelled and tasted by the reader, and it got very tedious. Also, for a story about teen models, there was very little color or excitement. Where are all the photo shoots? The exotic locations? The coke-sniffing parties? Yachts? If you want models and the adventures of the beautiful people, Andrew Roller does them a lot better.

There was also a lot of unbelievability in this story, such as aphrodisiacs being in such common usage one would think they're available off-the-counter in Walgreen's, and one female character who reassures Cassy (who thinks she's a lesbian after a roll in the hay with her) "Come on Cassy, I'm not either. But I do know how to take pleasure in a girl's body. You're very beautiful and I am too." Well, jeeze, if this isn't lesbian behavior what is?

All this wouldn't be so bad if the author was playing it as camp; that is, "I know this is a ridiculous story whose only purpose is to get you horny, and you know it, so let's have fun." But the tone of it was straight, as if the author was hypothesizing how these imaginary events could logically happen; and unfortunately, it all came out as tepid.

The Command Performance [B]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/6/98
Author: SuthrnLrd
Address: suthrnlrd@hotmail.com
Website: http://members.tripod.com/~SuthrnLrd/

This creative dildo story is of the dom/sub variety wherein a girl receives a package from her lover along with instructions on a cassette tape. The package contains a pair of hard plastic panties equipped with a lock and vibrating dildo. She dons the gizmo, then goes to meet the guy at his club, where he's a bass player in the band. He is also a whiz at audioelectronics, because he's gimmicked her dildo to respond to his fretting:

"Whatever frequency of note I play on my bass will be transferred to the vibrator...if I play a low E, the vibrator will rumble slowly and deeply. If I play a high note, the vibrator will buzz quickly and sharply. What's more, how hard I pluck the strings will be reflected in the intensity of the vibrations. Quiet passages will make it buzz faintly. More vigorous playing will mean more vigorous vibrating."

Hmmm, on second thought make that Marilyn Manson. He did a pretty mean debate with Florence Henderson.

Purple Tornado [A+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/4/98
Author: David Lawrence
Address: dhl@elektra.sysun.com
Website address: http://www.sysun.com/dhl

This story was part fiction, part memoir, and details what happens when the narrator meets a beautiful golf-playing female oddball who's constantly pushing the societal envelope:

I find other women do not like her, despise her in fact, mostly. She has few true friends, though she is incredibly friendly. The price you pay, I suppose, when you make your own rules and flaunt the unspoken and unwritten rules of others, however innocently. True freedom is an ugly sight to the self-enslaved.

I couldn't quite call this a sex story, as the sex acts weren't given the emphasis--the play of personalities was. Still, it was well-written and unusual, a little "purple" in places (prosewise that is) but making up for it in its exuberant prose and wry, sweet nostalgia. And I loved that title. If you want me to review your story, it helps to have an unusual title. "A Day at the Beach" or "Underage Babysitter" just doesn't cut it.

Trapped in Stone, Parts 1, 2 3 [A-/B+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/6/98
Author: redheaded composer
Address: rhmusic@hotmail.com

A young college student meets Surrey, a half-Spanish, half- Egyptian girl who decorates her apartment with ancient Egyptian artifacts. After making love one night he falls asleep with one such object, a three-inch obscene statuette, nestled in the bedcovers. Imagine his surprise, and hers, when he wakes up to find his consciousness has been transferred into the statue:

For the first time, John saw his new form...this time, they were John's features, a perfect likeness, except not exactly in proportion. In particular, the body was sculpted to be smooth and torpedo shaped, completely bald, about an inch and a half in diameter and 3 inches tall. John was squating on his knees on a pedestal. The pedestal had a pencil-sized hole bored through it.

But worst of all, for John, was that he was carved completely naked. His penis was hard (and felt hard! Eternally hard) and was carved as this huge member pointing straight up towards his chin, alongside his stomach. Further, his nipples were large and extended, looking a bit ridiculous, almost as if he had slight breasts carved in, and his ass were exposed with a deep crack carved in. The statue, and John, had become pink ivory.

"Oh!" Surrey exclaimed. During their left-right body twists, the statue had gradually worked it's way underneath the wasteband of her tights. She dreaded what was coming next.

"OK! Running in place!" the instructor called out. The entire room started to jog energetically.

John felt the head of the statue work it's way into the wasteband of the tights. When Surrey started to jog, each step seemed to drill the figurine deeper and deeper into the tights.

"What's that?" John wondered, feeling a little tickling around his face. "Oh my god! It's her pubic hair!" John came almost instantly (it was his 2nd time since the aerobics started). "

The story was flawed by the point of view and passive sentence problems that plagued (?) the vampire story-- namely, the writer constantly switches heads to tell us what each character is seeing and experiencing at the time. I'll say, stick with one--the guy's.

Girl Talk [A]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/7/98
Author: Assmaster McStuff
Address: assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com

Here's another cybersex story, this one F/F. The narrator comes home to find his girlfriend, Hobbs, on a chatline with an exotic dancer. Like all exotic dancers everywhere, she's stacked, pussy-shaved, and bisexual. The two swap deep, earnest confessions of burning passion, like these:

"Hobbs: I'm going to lean forward and bring my tits close to your face

Bi 4u: sitting in the chair still

Hobbs: my nipple is really hard now... I'm going to rub my nipple on your temple... that feels soooooo good

Bi 4u: mmmmmmmmmmmmm.... i want to touch u"

["Jesus baby, you're killing me here! When are you going to fuck her?" I say, cock in hand.]

[That's it for me. I shoot a load right onto Hobbs's arm. She looks at me, a little disgusted, and says, "Jeez, aim next time..." Sure I'll aim next time, straight up your ass, I'm thinking.]

Though the story was amusing, with the tone of a pissed off Harley-riding, beer-drinkin' Mike Hunt protege ("Here ya are, scumbags! Enjoy it!") I couldn't decide if the writer intended the story to be a serious turn-on for adult men and women or was showing us just how trite and banal the very concept of cybersex is. (Remember what I said about it February's review of "Raven Hair.") You could take it either way, I guess.

Click here to read Website Review: Ravensword

4/19/98

A few people have been complaining about problems with my website. I reloaded the main page (the "table of contents" one) that seemed to be the culprit, but we'll just have to see. The problem seemed to be the meta code from the SafeSurf link. If problems persist, please tell me.

Little Filly [A]
When Received: 4/9/98
Author:EzWriter
Address: dee@onramp.net

A woman goes into a singles bar and meets an older cowboy in his 50s. She's attracted to his courtliness and they go back to his ranch, where he informs her, "You are a beautiful little filly. I want to exercise you a little and then put you in the stall with my stallion so he can mount you."

The narrator is more than a little alarmed (and aroused) by this, but by the tone of the story, it's clear the cowboy is only teasing her and that the "stallion" is really himself. An expert horseman, he undresses the heroine, feeds her subarcubes, bridles her, and turns her out for a run. All this is done with gentleness and affection, for, as the cowboy says, "Horses are beautiful and sensual creatures." No one gets whipped or strapped in wierd little pieces of leather.

In sum, a romantic ponygirl story minus the gear. I liked it!

Jungle Ecstasy, Chapters 1 and 2 [B-]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/14/98
Author:Joergen Karlsson
Address: joergen.karlsson@mbox302.swipnet.se

I'm all for multinational sex stories. After all, English- speaking people hardly have a corner on porn. However, the above story makes a good case for choosing one's translater very carefully.

The story was the first two chapters of a longer novel translated from Swedish dealing with M/F sex, F/F sex, humiliation, and cruelty, though this excerpt only dealt with the M/F sex. The setting seems to be a prehistoric hunter/gatherer never-never land. Loukee and Mannee, members of a primitive tribe, go about their daily business and have sex in a river, while Hee, a ripening teenager, kills a wild pig and has an orgasm over it. I'm not kidding. Not intrinsically flawed stuff, and the old world quality of the prose gave it a stately, dignified feel. But what is one to make of passages like "Hee held her breath, placed an arrow in her bow and waited. A flock of pigs, four grown and three babies, closed in on the watercourse. She smiled to herself. "Uncautious pigs", she thought. Like shooting at a tied down prey." It's almost like a Monty Python parody.

I wanted to be generous with this story, because it was trying to convey a healthy, all-natural Scandinavian attitude towards sex in the Iron Age; but, well, something got lost in the translation.

My Slut Diaries - Beach [C-]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/17/98
Author: Babette Chandler
Address: slutbabs@hotmail.com

There was no way I could be as generous or insightful with this story as I was with the one above. The piece is of the "look at what a slut I am" variety and purports to be a diary entry. Yeah, right. Like young women really write things like "This weekend I was at the beach. I wore my bright green string bikini, the top had triangles that just barely covered my 36D's and the bottom was a small triangle held on by two strings around my 26"waist, and one running up the crack of my Ass. "

The slut runs into an old boyfriend she still has the hots for, but he's with his wife, the slut's former rival who snagged the prize salami by becoming pregnant. Does this deter our heroine? No, for "I moved the material of my bikini bottom aside so he could see my pink shaved Cunt. As he continued to look, I spread my legs wide and started to touch myself there. I rubbed my clit and let him see how hot it got me, I fingered myself and looked straight in his eyes. It was so cool cause Gail was right there. He kept looking and I sucked my fingers and lips, his Cock got real hard I could see it."

The rest of the story takes things from there.

I know this was supposed to be a stroke story and not bound by the rules of normal fiction, but the whole thing sounds like it was written by a character from "Melrose Place" who's suffering from heavy brain damage. The author also has a penchant for capitalizing really important words like Ass and Cunt, just to let us know this is a sex story.

Stories like this are scary. What do they say about the average level of literary sophistication in this country?

Nunc Dimittis, 5a and 5b [A]
Where posted: ASSGM
When posted: 4/8/98
Author: Andrej Koymasky
Address: andrejkoymasky@geocities.com
Website: http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/4159/

On the eve of WWII, a reporter of British citizenry but Italian descent has an affair with a young British Lord whose family owns the London Times newspaper. Real life intrudes, and the two find themselves serving in the Royal Navy on the same ship. This chapter was an excerpt from a longer novel available on the author's web site.

Like "Jungle Ecstasy" this story was written by a non-English speaker (Italian, in this case) but the translation was accomplished much more smoothly. I could see the story working very well as a PBS drama, a sort of gay historical drama/romance taking place against the political background of occupied Europe. It sounds like the author is writing from firsthand experience, in the sense of living through the era...such as the revelation that priests and nuns piloted boats to participate in the evacuation of Dunkirk. Interesting stuff, without or without the romance.

ManDance [A-]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/14/98
Author: Rajah Dodger
Address: rdodger@hotmail.com

Rajah says this is the first sex story he wrote, and with a birthdate of 1990 that makes it venerable among sex stories. Authors and websites come and go so fast, the shelf life of any neterotica seems to be measured in months, maybe 3 years if it's archived at a popular site.

The story is slightly rough as regards style, but still good smutty fun. A guy tries to pick up women by posing as an exotic male dancer. He hits the jackpot when three gals take him home to give a private performance for them. He's never danced before, but so what? He strips to various pieces of music (among them Pink Floyd and Eric Clapton) then the ladies chain him to a bench and assault him most pleasurably. All in all, a nice take on a femdom tale without the cruelty that infests the genre.

Tape.1 [A-/B+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM When posted: 4/16/98
Author: Asparrow
Posted by: The Master
Address: themaster@nym.alias.net

As anyone one who reads these postings regularly knows, I have a soft spot for BDSM fiction. When it's done well, it's very, very arousing. When it's done poorly, it's very, very stupid. And when people take it seriously, it's very, very silly.

That's the case with this story. It's framed as a transcription of a cassette tape a dom has sent to his sub, a list of instructions of what she is to do and how she is to do it, like:

Ah, yes and now move to one of my favorite parts. Yes, down to your breasts. Ah yes, squeeze them, slave girl. Oh, I am enjoying the sight of this. Squeeze them, slave girl, rub them. Oh, and don't ignore those nipples. No. Mmmmm. Yes, do it just as if I were there, doing it for you instead while you were chained helplessly, unable to resist. Which, in truth you are, whether I bother to chain you or not. Isn't that right, slave girl? Mmm. So nice. Definitely one of your more attractive features. Keep your back straight, slave girl! Keep it straight. No slouching before your master. It would...displease me. Yes, keep playing with those nipples, slave girl. Twist them gently, roll them back and forth. Oooh yes, keep them awake, I like the sight of them. "

Now I'm going to do a 180 degree reversal and say this *was* an unusual and arousing story for those who like D/s, though a bit too repetitive perhaps. But it was funny, too. Very funny.

4/25/98

Some of my rants:

Small pickup trucks with very large tires.

The weird eyeglasses of the blonde guy in the Chemical Brothers.

Authors who send me files of stories and don't attach their names to the manuscript. I mean it! A recent highly graded story almost did not get reviewed because the author's name and address was not included! So authors, be sure to include your name and address in your stories.

Recap of my grading system (in response to ASSD posts):
A+ = A 10, 10, 10 that goes above and beyond the call of duty.
A = 10, 10, 10
A- = Very good, but minor flaws kept it from being an A.
B+ = Slightly above average, with some elements I liked.
B = Average. Neither very good or very bad. Not particularly impressive.
B- = Slightly below average. Annoyed me in some way.
C+ = Below average, but at least the author can string two sentences together.
C = Below average, but at least the author can string two words together.
C- = Below average with no redeeming qualities.
D+ = Bad, but at least the author *tried* to string two words together.
D = Very bad.
D- = The worst. The lowest of the low. Absolute dreck.

Contrary to popular relief, I have reviewed stories that low: "Tammi," "Story Chronicles of Narnialand," and "The Fitness Instructor." I could do more, but it's too painful for me.

More rants:

Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Toni Braxton. These women should be eviscerated and stuffed, then posed in lifelike positions around the central fountain of the Mall of America. Their songs are overproducing boring crap that relates nothing about the human experience. Unlike the disco divas of the 70s, they're not witty, amusing, or entertaining. They take themselves too goddam seriously. "I'm in love with love, but I'll never fall in love again, 'cos I'm too beautiful and half- black and got plastic tits and a perky ass and make six million bucks a year, but AH-AH-AH-AH'll swallow mah pain, and go on..." (big upswell of orchestra here.) There. I had to get that off my non-plastic titted chest.

As I haven't done a special theme "ish" in a while, I thought I'd do a new one. I am now soliciting stories by teenagers. Boys, girls, gay, straight. Send them to me. Of course, I have to accept your word that you're a real teenager. I'll be looking closely at story themes and word choices, and reserve the right to eliminate those stories I feel are written from an adult's viewpoint. I am also looking for stories by Australian authors for an ish further down the line. If anyone knows of any, or knows of some Australian websites, please tell me!

The Suit, Parts I -VII [B+/B]
Where posted: ASSB, ASSM
When posted: 4/17/98
Author: Don Quixote
Address: D_Quixote@Yahoo.com

This story tells you everything you need to know about being imprisoned inside a skintight metallic teddy. If you're not interesting in knowing this, you might as well skip the story, because that's all it was.

Sharon, a young cost analyst, wakes up one morning to find herself dressed in the said suit, which is not removable by normal means (pliers, blowtorches, etc.) To make things worse she can't stimulate herself, and over the next six chapters she grows more and more horny. In chapter 7 the suit begins to stimulate her sexually and she finds herself in the thrall of the unknown "operator" who sends her orders via email.

The story moved very very slowly, with lots of introspection about her fate and speculations on who did this to her, which gave it a touch of horror fiction, along with a (probably unintentional) absurdist feel, like "Waiting for Godot." At one point she even accidentally hangs herself from the shower rod by the wire thong in her butt (which also neatly slices her feces.) Altogether this was not an uninteresting story for BDSM fans, but I suspect the slow pace and lack of tension may put some readers off

Injection [B+/B]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/19/98
Author: Val White
Address: val72@hotmail.com

I was of a split mind about this story, which was set in the Star Trek Voyager world. On one hand it was very funny; on the other, annoying. The holographic doctor discovers that the crew is suffering from a lack of "enzyme ana-protoglom, or APG" because they haven't been eating enough fresh meat, and if the situation is not rectified they will die. Unfortunately, the ship doesn't have enough energy to synthesize the enzyme, so the crew has to take the radical step of buttfucking each other once a day, as the enzyme is plentiful in male semen.

The story was hilarious in its depiction of the smug technobabble show writers so often indulge in: "Upon further study, I found that all the non-vegetarian, healthy individuals engaged in anal intercourse on a fairly regular basis. I then discovered that the average volume of semen in one ejaculation contains 200 mg of APG. The enzyme is absorbed directly into the bloodstream through the wall of the large intestine. The affect is not the same when ingested orally; the stomach acids break down the enzyme." The author of the story also caught the character's exchanges well, like Captain Janeway's "Point taken" (made in response to the Doctor's suggestion that reluctant crew members may have to anally raped) and the overall tone of the prose, which fit the high- gloss, always-perfectly-coifed, la-la land veneer of the show. I could almost imagine this was a real episode, or a real episode from some alternate earth perhaps.

The story lost it, however, when we got into the sex: "The computer switched to this view and the entire crew watched as Chacotay's organ came to life. Soon, it was fully erect and many of the crew thought to themselves that they were glad that it was Tuvak who would take that monster piece of meat in his ass and not them." Though I could smirk at the thought of the prissily annoying crew committing acts like this, the sex was presented in so foreign a way to the TV characters that the story turned into the worst of cliches...it tried to show how faithful it was but wound up turning the cast into fuck- puppets.

Restricted Lift [A+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/19/98
Author: Godiva
Address: Godiva@starmail.com

A young secretary is cautioned never to take the "restricted lift" (elevator) reserved for high-ranking executives, but she's late coming back from lunch one day. Imagine her surprise when: "...the commanding executive reached forward and gripped one of Ella's breasts, drawing her back against him, he absently mauled her bosom and creased her crisp white blouse." She's trapped on the elevator for the rest of the afternoon while the executives nonchalantly ravage her, all the while discussing integrated tax displacement and supply side financing. She staggers out around 3:30 after multiple orgasms to the disapproving stare of her supervisor: "I tell you girls not to use the number five elevator. I tell you a thousand times a day that the number five elevator is reserved for the executive staff. I do everything I can to make you girls stay out, but of course, what does an old woman like me, know about anything?" The ending line is a kicker.

This story began unpromisingly for me...A- or B+ fare, I thought...but redeemed itself brilliantly with the executives, who casually assault female employees as if they were no more than small businesses they're plotting screw over...all the while blithely ignorant of the havoc and pleasure they create. There's just something very funny about this, and I think the joke is on the men.

Spot, the Wonder Mutt [A-]
When received: 4/19/98
Author: Kevin Wagner
Address: infidreams@aol.com
Website: http://pages.cthome.net/kevandjodi/spot3.txt

The author sent me this, so I'm not sure if it will be posted to ASS or not.

This story was a humorous piece that read like a scrap of something larger; it didn't really make sense, but it was amusing. Spot, a mangy mutt, is startled when a TV commercial for AKC Canine Wipes (a brand of doggie toilet paper) suddenly walks into his living room. The commercial has the requisite empty-headed blonde model-actress, and Spot "...explores the untamed, hairless patch between her legs, delving his long, rough purple tongue between the labial lips, constantly flicking the puffy pinkish lobes about as if they were monarch butterflies playing tag in a hurricane." Both dog and model have a field day.

The author says he wrote this story in response to the many poorly written bestiality stories out there, and yes, it's definitely a spoof and a send-up. Logically, there could be a rationale for a TV commercial coming to life, and Spot managing to eat the commercial's poodle, but you can't have everything.

A Triple Twist [A-]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/19/98
Author: Kim
Address: Ghost@nym.alias.net
Website: http://www.io.com/~thebear/kimidx.htm

These three brief stories were all posted together as a single entity, a move similar to that old (now classic) TV movie "Trilogy of Terror" wherein Karen Black was chased around by a nasty little fetish doll from Africa that comes to life. He had really sharp teeth, and a knife. This movie scared the shit out of me when I was 10 years old.

Anyway, these three stories seem to be more along the line of half-developed story ideas, though they're readable enough. In #1, the new bride of a Middle Eastern prince makes a shocking discovery, a variant on the multiple wife theme; in #2, a woman is executed for bashing her partner's lover with a Venus de Milo figurine; in #3, the most interesting of the bunch, a call girl inserts a perrier bottle into her rectum for the amusement of her john. All had a twist at the end which I didn't see coming, though I've seen them in ASS stories somewhere before. In short, I think any one of these stories could be developed further.

4/30/98

A few weeks ago someone called me god on ASSD. Well, I am certainly not a god, not even a demigod, as far as I can see. I'm simply a critic/reviewer who has this rather strange hobby, no better and no worse than any other reader and writer on ASS, though perhaps I am more insightful and articulate. I say this because, as in one week, I will have been "on the air" for one year, and it's made me more than a little reflective.

There's a handy new FAQ called "Sex Stories -- Things You Should Know" that lists basic information for writers new to ASS. It is written by Kim in a conversational tone that makes it easier to digest than conventional FAQs. I suggest that those of us who are currently clueless read it to get their basic questions answered. I would suggest 1) adding guidelines for submitting stories to archive sites and collectors who run sites that showcase certain kinds of stories; 2) mentions of the newsgroups soc.sexuality.spanking and soc.subculture.bondage.bdsm, as they also post some finely written stories; 3) tips on dealing with one's "fans" 4) website advice for neophytes--how to find good open-minded service providers, design a site, update it, etc. There is always room for expansion.

Cape and Cowl [A]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/23/98
Author: Ann Douglas
Address: annd@pop.tiac.net

I wasn't unduly impressed by the last Ann Douglas story I read (''Cheating Heart" the 8/22/97 Reviews) but this one is a lot better, and I'm guessing it was written later in the author's career. The author definitely has a buzz going with the material here, and I could clearly imagine Supergirl and Batgirl, the heroines of this romance, acting the way they do. It's very clear the author has done her homework in the superhero department.

In the story Barbara Gordon has been appointed to fill a Congressional post and is struggling with the conflicts of legitimate government service vs. the quicker moral rewards of vigilante crimefighting as Batgirl. Supergirl, meanwhile, has overcome her conflicts about her secret and real identities, and the two meet when Supergirl saves Batgirl's plane, which has been sabotaged to crash by a Japanese terrorist. Lots of comic-book adventure follows, but the villainess is finally captured, and the two heroines go off together to a bed and breakfast in the country (!) for some steamy sex, which is a turn-on AND true to the characters Ann has developed...sympathetic and human, but also highly sexual. Take this passage:

One night, back in the early days of their relationship, Robin and she had discussed the sexual habits of the worldıs various superheroes. They had been lying in bed, bathing in the warm afterglow of a night of energetic lovemaking. Some of it was conjecture, some of it fact. All of it entertaining.

Robin had met many of the major heroes through his partnership with Batman. He had an opinion about all of them, especially the woman. Most of them were straight he concluded, but there were exceptions. Wonder Girl of the Titans was definitely into babes, heıd said. Yet Wonder Woman was into both men and women, depending on her mood. Speedy, also of the Titans, was as queer as a three dollar bill.

Even the straight ones had their own quirks. Black Canary was really into heavy bondage and discipline. Ice, also of the Justice League, was on the opposite end of the spectrum. She was a born submissive with a passion for dominant men.

Like all of Ann's stories, "Cape and Cowl" straddles the line between the stroke and literature, illustrating the changing nature of neterotica from its blatant "turn-on" origins towards something finer and more literary. In sum, a very readable and satisfying story, even for those who don't like superhero stories.

The Spanking Machine! [B+/B]
Where posted: SSS
When posted: 4/26/98
Author: Bratgirl
Address: azadehCat@hotmail.com

Here's another superhero story, albeit in a sillier register. Bratgirl, a crimefighter with more than a passing resemblance to Batgirl, tries to stop a jewel heist at the Gotham Art Museum. She comes face-to-face with the Vixen (who bears more than a passing resemblance to Catwoman) who straps her into a spanking machine. Bratgirl's buns get toasted, and she's thoroughly humiliated: "Once again, Bratgirl's most famous feature made the front page, but this time she was given full credit for getting to the 'bottom' of the mystery and foiling Vixen's plans, and the news crews only snickered a little bit. The Supervillain's Association passed a resolution at their annual retreat in Hawaii prohibiting any member from taking bratgirl seriously, and mandating that she was to be given a firm spanking on sight."

Unlike many spanking stories this story doesn't take itself too seriously. It is very silly; you won't find any D/s, long, loving descriptions of canes and straps, or heartfelt erotic surrender. It's a big pink cone of cotton candy written as a lark, fun if not memorable.

Suzi...Every Man's Dream [C-/D+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/24/98
Author: JM McMurray
Address: RNRH85C@prodigy.com

Here's another slut story, as if the torture of "My Slut Diaries" wasn't enough for me. Now, for the record, it's pretty impossible to write a slut story without it degenerating into stroke of the crassest caliber, though some writers can pull it off with finesse, like Suzi Sleaze and one or two transgender writers I have come across (who give the slut a sex change.) They treat the theme with camp and/or parody, supplying knowing laughs along with the workhorse cliches of the genre.

However, this story was just a tiresome retread, evidenced by the opening sentences: "Suzi had always been quite adventurous when sex was any part of the equation. The 24- year-old, who had spent most of her life thus far living in and around Seattle, was known as one of the "easiest" girls to bed during her high school and college years. Not only was she wanton and loose in her ways, but Suzi was also beautiful - and she knew it...She was tight and compact at 5-foot-5 and 101 pounds." Now, the median weight for women begins at 105 lbs at 5 feet, adding an extra five lbs for every inch over; the final weight is adjusted up and down by approximately 8 lbs according to frame. By these medically accepted standards, poor Suzi is anorexic! Rush her to hospital and stick an intravenous line into her! Later she's described as having "large breasts." At 101 lbs? What are they filled with, helium?

If you just have to know the plot, Suzi goes to a cabin with three incorrigibly dull, faceless guys to be gang-banged, then happily receives their spunk on her face and hair. Why are men so enamored of this fantasy? Is it some kind of revenge on female vanity to coat a pretty girl with sticky goo to mess up her looks?

This author has written a whole series about the particular character, stating, "This story is the fifth in the "Suzi" series. Please read the prior four "Suzi" stories before reading this one." Well, I think I'll pass, even if the adventures contained in the previous stories provide the background and character motivation for this one. Still, I speculate on what I may have missed. Suzi's eight-year struggle through med school to become a successful neurosurgeon? Her tragic affair with a concert pianist that resulted in the birth of quadruplets she had to give up for adoption? Her lifelong work to organize labor unions in Chile?

Stories like this give Seattle a bad name.

Cement Shoes [B+]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/24/98
Author: Anonymous
Posted by: Palpatine
Address: palpatine@technologist.com

Stroke stories do not limit themselves to porn. There are stroke stories for snuff, stroke stories for fetishes, even stroke stories for sports and food. Thus, it's safe to say that stroke may be defined as any piece of fiction (you can't really call them stories) that is out to satisfy some visceral appetite of the reader--sex, violence, action/adventure thrills--without the encumbrances of a plot or well-defined characters. In this story, the stroke fodder is a description of a woman having her feet encased in cement by the Mob and dumped off a boat into the ocean.

As such, the description worked, but it really wasn't a story; it wasn't all that shocking or violent either. No "Reservoir Dogs" here. Still, as a fragment it was interesting, and I could imagine the writer, with some practice, going on to write crime or detective stories, or maybe foot fetish ones.

Dies Irae [A-]
Where posted: ASS, ASSM
When posted: 4/26/98
Author: Jane Urquhart
Address: janey98@hotmail.com

In this short-short story (659 words) a man goes back to his hometown and finds out an old girlfriend of his has died. At her funeral, he wonders what might have been, and reflects on that night when what might have been turns into what never had a chance to happen.

This story was not heavy on the erotic, but as a slice of life it worked well, and demonstrated a sense of the time when the freshness of youth turns into the resignation of middle age.

Tea for Two [A]
Where posted: ASSGM
When posted: 4/27/98
Author: Gloria Lancaster
Address: gloria@gloria1.demon.co.uk

I nearly skipped this story this week, and I'm glad I didn't. Written by a Brit but set in Washington DC, it details the life of the manager of a coffee joint (called for some odd reason the TeaShoppe) and his growing attraction to an official type who patronizes the joint for his daily cup o' java. The character description of the guy was one of the most interesting I've seen:

Taller than me by five inches, older than me by fifteen years, he was balding and wore eyeglasses and severely beautiful suits with plain white shirts and funereal ties: tall and well built, tough looking and cold and caged: he oozed FBI from his dark hand made shoes to his high handsome forehead. All that and some still ice-cold courtesy."

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