First Dusting of Snow
In the first dusting of snow
I see
winter's kiss
unsullied white
frosty and cold
so contained
beautiful yet detached
not like summer's warmth
that flows and surges freely
hot buttery yellows and mirages on asphalt
not like spring's burst of joy
brilliant blue skies and lush green
sprouting forth new life
autumn's crisp air has turned bitter cold
fallen leaves not yet carted away
now blanketed
weighted
like my heart
my thoughts
at moments feeling so very cold
as though nothing can reach me here...
nothing can still this grief within
impending loss
the glimmers of suffering just setting in
the looming of the unknown
my father's frailty
his hands tremble now as he reaches for mine
his voice a stammer, weak
gasping for breath
his eyes large and wide
unmasked, bared to me
unlike the walls he held fast in health
now.....
he is a soul shining through translucent skin
a faint grateful smile
a frightened little boy
he is all ages...
he sees his mother
hears her voice
in sacred moments the gates of heaven opened
at other moments the ordinary...
still others bring denial... words of confident assurance
tumble out ... trying them on for size
Fresh dusted snow for me this year...
a gentle nudge to dress for the season
pull my cloak closer
family, friends, lover, spirit
gathering for the long cold siege
the earth lies dormant
muted grays and frozen ground
waiting
waiting
waiting....
spring will come
leaving behind the dead
transformed to new beginnings
sprouting up
filling the earth,
renewed...
never the same
and yet as it is meant to be
it shall
and I have this moment
this cold hard path
to walk
not alone
to see with open eyes
and trusting heart
not alone
winter.
~ Erica ~November 3, 2002