Hi Mark. It's Lisa.

Oh, hey. Yeah, I knew it was you.

You did?

Uh huh.

Okay. Listen, I want to ask a favour.

Oh.

It's not so bad.

Right.

No, really. What's that... noise? No, never mind. Listen, I have to go to the city next weekend.

Oh, hot date?

No, Mark, it's... you're kidding, right?

Well, only kinda. Shouldn't you have climbed back on the bike by now?

What? Listen, it's only been a few months...

Seven.

... and anyway, how would you know?

You think our kids only talk to you, Lisa?

No, no. Of course not. Oh, God, what are they saying?

Just that they hadn't seen David in a while, and that when they asked you...

Yeah, I told them it was over.

... you told... yeah.

Okay, listen, it's not so easy, you know.

Oh, I know, alright.

Yeah. Can you remind me, Mark? Why did we split up? What is that noise?

It's... hold on, one question at a time. We couldn't stand being in the same house. Remember? Screaming and throwing things?

I never threw...

Me.

Oh.

Yeah.

Sorry, Mark.

For what, exactly?

For bringing it up.

Fine. So anyway, next weekend. Can the boys come over?

Yeah, I think so. I'll have to check, and call you back. It's the bath.

Cool. The bath?

Yeah.

What is?

The noise.

Oh. You're in the bath?

Yeah.

You... Mark, you never have a bath.

I do, too.

You do?

Yeah. Lisa, I can change too, you know.

Yeah, it's just...

What?

... oh, nothing. Oh, hey... so, you're...

What now?

...naked?

What? Well, of course I'm fucking naked. You have a bath in your smalls?

No, no. Just never thought of it. Bit funny talking to you like this. How would Cindy feel?

Oh, so the boys haven't talked to you, then?

Huh?

I threw her out.

No!

Yes.

Shit. Sorry.

I'm not. Bitch.

Oh, what? ... oh, sorry. Don't mean to be nosy.

Tell you later. I need some distance first.

Okay. You know I understand, right?

Yeah. I will tell you, Lisa. Just not now.

Fair enough.

Thanks.

Okay. Hey?

Mmhmmm.

Listen, none of my business, but... well, David told me stuff that... I never thought to ever ask. If... well, can I ask you something? You can refuse to answer if you want.

I doubt I'll do that. What is it?

Well, no Cindy, right?

No, not for a couple of weeks.

Yeah. So... well, you don't have... someone else?

No. Not in any hurry, either.

Okay. So then... not sure how to ask.

Oh, where is this going?

It's just... well, do you masturbate?

That sounds very clinical.

Jerk off, then. There, you made me say it.

I didn't make you say anything.

Yeah, but it's so grubby.

Jerking off?

No, no. The word.

Oh. So... what would you prefer?

Oh, nothing. It's alright. I really should relax.

You should. Take a bath!

Later. But anyway, you didn't really answer.

Of course I do. Didn't I before?

Did you?

Of course I did. You helped me.

Yeah, but that was before... you know, when I was a virgin.

And... you think I stopped after that?

Didn't you?

Hell no!

Oh.

I did it a lot less, but you weren't always around, you know. And sometimes, well a man just wants to take care of things.

Yeah, David said that. I never knew, you know.

I thought you just didn't want to talk about it.

Well, that too.

So... what about you?

Huh?

Well, don't you?

Don't I what?

Masturbate.

I... oh. Do I need to answer that?

Not much point now, is there?

I guess not.

But it would probably be good for you. Didn't David ask?

Yeah. I wouldn't tell him, either.

Aha.

Yeah. Oh, hell, alright, yes. I do.

See, that wasn't so bad.

Oh, yes it was.

Sorry.

No, no. I needed to say it, I guess.

So, how often?

What?

How often do you do it, Lisa? I mean, no man for a few months, right? How do you cope? You used to before we met, too, right?

Oh, you have no right to be asking me that.

No?

No, Mark.

Okay.

Is it?

Yeah. Don't answer then.

You... you know I did, right?

I assumed so. You certainly weren't shocked when I did it for you.

No. And... about weekly, I guess.

Really?

Really, what? Is that too often, or not often enough?

Neither. I'm just surprised you told me.

So am I. What about you?

What, frequency?

Yeah.

Every couple days, I guess.

That often?

Oh, is that a lot, little Miss weekly? You taking the high moral ground here?

Well, maybe not, actually. I have... well, you remember I used to jump on you, the week before?

Oh, how could I forget?

Yeah, well then...

Yes?

... can we really have this conversation? Most nights, during that week.

Oh.

And some mornings.

Oh, you are a barrel of surprises.

I thought... maybe if I say it all at once.

Hmm... ask you something else?

How could I stop you?

You could just say no, and I'd stop.

Yeah. You always were a gentleman that way.

Thanks. So?

Go on. I can always hang up.

Please don't. So where do you do it?

Oh! Well, the bed, mostly. Don't you?

Yeah, mostly. Anywhere else?

Oh, God. Alright, the shower. Especially...

Oh, some... time?

Uh huh. Well, when I ... you know.

Nope.

My period, alright? I masturbate in the shower when I've got my period. Alright? And you knew what I meant.

Fine. You cross with me now?

No. Strangely I'm not. I'm curious.

Oh, yes?

Yeah.

What about?

Well, what about you?

Huh?

Don't you play dumb with me, Mark Maloney. You know exactly what I mean. Again.

Yeah, but can you ask?

Arrrgh! Okay, how about this? Aside from the bed, Mr Maloney, where else do you jerk off?

Ooh, now I'm stunned.

Uh huh. Don't change the subject.

I'm not sure I should answer.

Oh, no. None of that. You aren't remotely embarrassed. Out with it.

Well, alright, but don't...

Yeah, yeah, told you so. Right. Give.

Well, I do it in the shower too...

Oh, that all?

... and...

Yes?

... the bath, sometimes.

Oh.

Nothing to add?

Nope.

Hee hee.

Except...

Oh oh. Lisa, you kill me.

... well, did you... today?

Did I jerk off today?

Yeah.

No.

Oh. Well, were you planning to?

Planning?

Yeah.

Lisa, I don't plan to masturbate. Did I ever plan to have sex?

Well actually, sometimes I think you planned to convince me.

Well, yeah, from time to time. But mostly you were just as interested as me. You just didn't want to make the first move.

Yeah, could be. Sorry.

No need. We should have had this discussion way back then though, maybe.

Yeah. Could be.

Okay.

Mark?

Uh huh.

Well, how?

Hmmm?

In the bath. How do you do it?

Have you been drinking?

No, no. I've always... wondered.

Can I ask you something first?

Yeah, sure. Maybe I should get a drink.

Maybe, but just don't hang up, okay?

I promise. Come on. The drink can wait.

Okay. All this talk, and remembering all that stuff and... well, are you just the littlest bit horny?

Oh...

Lisa? Oh, hell, sorry, look, I didn't mean to upset you. Sorry I asked.

No, no. I... well... yes...

Oh?

Yeah.

Me too.

Well, it never did take much.

Hey! You were never quite the shy thing you pretended.

I was shy. It's just, under that, I had... needs.

You should have found a way to say.

I should have.

Yeah.

Mark?

Yup.

How horny?

Me?

Yeah.

Umm... quite.

Me too.

Oh.

Are you... hard?

Ahh... yeah.

Ooh. Have you been...

Stroking it? No.

Would you... like to?

What about you?

What do you mean?

Well, how are you feeling?

I'm... well, I'm kinda damp here. I'm sitting in the dining room, and... well, squirming.

I don't know if I've ever seen you squirm.

Not like this, probably not.

So have you been... doing anything?

Aside from squirming? No.

Well... will you?

You asking me to?

... yeah.

I... both of us?

Okay.

God, Mark, this is weird.

Yeah. Want to quit?

No. So how should we do this?

I'm seeing a different Lisa here. Well, you have me at a disadvantage.

How is that, Mark?

I'm naked.

Mmmhmmm... well, I could... What works for you? Should I do what I can like this, or get them off?

Them?

Jeans. Panties.

Oh. How would... have you ever done it sitting there before?

Oh, God. Yeah, once. David was on the phone, and after he hung up...

Lisa, you are amazing me. So did you take them off that time?

I had a skirt. I lifted it and... well, just... reached down.

This was after you hung up the phone?

Well... I finished after that.

Wow. Well... how about pulling the jeans down, and... I kinda like the idea of you still having the panties on.

Well, okay... Alright, blouse and panties.

No bra?

No. I... well it was hot when I got home, and no one...

You don't need to explain.

Okay.

But tell me... what are the panties like? Oh, and the blouse.

Oh, just... black briefs. And the blouse is cream.

Not your come-hither outfit, then?

Hardly, no.

Never mind. That sounds nice. So, are you doing something?

No, I... alright, I've been rubbing my breasts through my blouse. It feels nice. God, you are such a bad influence.

I sure hope so. Are your panties damp?

They certainly are on the inside. I'd need to touch them to be sure about the outside, but I have my suspicions.

Go on then.

You sure?

Please do.

You'll... stroke yourself?

Sure, but... shouldn't I wait a bit?

Why?

Well, I'm thinking you might take a little longer.

Or not! Oh, these panties are decidedly damp.

Yeah?

Mmhmmm... Oh, and so am I.

What are you doing?

I'm... my hand is down inside them. My finger is inside me. Oh, just like yours used to be, back when we first met.

Oh, is it? You used to get very wet then.

I'm very wet now. Mark, you don't need to wait, I don't think.

No?

Uh uh. But tell me what you're doing, please.

Okay. I'm... this is very strange...

It sure is.

... telling you. But I have switched the phone over to my other ear, and my right hand is around my cock.

Penis.

Cock. This isn't one of your biology classes.

Cock, then. Okay. And?

It's... I'm enough out of the water for this to work, and... it's all soapy. I'm stroking it. Very hard. Not going to take long, I'd guess.

Good. Mark, can I lose these panties?

Oh, go ahead. Oh, no, not long. My hand is sliding over the head. I always liked it when you did that.

They're getting in the way. Ummm... if I put this phone on my shoulder... you still hear me?

Yup.

Good. Right. I should just say, right?

Right.

Panties down near my knees. One hand on my... clit. One inside my blouse. Whew! And you know, I always liked to feel you hard in my hand, too.

Who are you, and what have you done with Lisa?

Hee hee. Fuck, should have done this a long time ago.

Lisa!

What?

My hand slipped off. I nearly dropped the phone.

Why, what happened? The boys up?

No. You said fuck!

I... oh! I can if I want. And I'm not soapy, but I'm very slippery here.

You never did. Keep talking like that. I'm loving it.

No, I didn't. David... never mind. Umm... how you... oooh... going?

Rather well. Nearly... nearly there. I'm so hard. You?

Now.

Huh?

Now. I'm going to... come... now!

Oh, God. Lisa, you are a shock. Oh, oh. Oomph! Oh, fuck!

Shit, did I put you off?

Hell no. Nothing could have stopped me. I was just... well, spraying.

Oh? Good?

Great. You?

You have NO idea.

Oh, I think I might.

No, I've kept... ooh... going... it's... Oh, fuck!

Lisa! You never...

I know!

Shit!

Yeah. Gimme a sec. Tissues here.

Yup.

Oh, that's... well, it's very nice. I should have phoned earlier.

You should have. Years earlier.

Yeah. Listen, Mark. Tomorrow, could I phone to confirm about next weekend?

Huh? Yeah, sure.

And... well, what time are you going to bed?

Tomorrow?

Yeah.

I have no idea. Why?

I don't want to call... too early.

Oh! Well, if the phone rings, I can race in there.

Good. Oh, and I'll wear something lacy. And be in bed myself. Deal?

It's a date.

Maybe...

Yes, Lisa?

Well, maybe we should do that too?