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03-25-03, for iambe
Plink iambe. Plink, Plink.
A large and rather menacing creature enters La Taverna, squeezing his hirsute shoulders through the door frame. He (unclothed, he is rather grotesquely male) squints feroceously around as his eyes adjust. Patrons back hastily away, giving him as much room as they think he might like.
He ponderously makes his way to the stage, as patrons along his path of advance decide this is a good time to make a trip to WC, or grab another drink at the bar.
On the stage, he faces the assemblage. His mouth opens to speak, revealing a maw full of sharpened dental work. What emerges, however, is a surprisingly lyrical soprano, “Hi! Sorry I'm late. I wasted a lot of time at 'alt.sax.stories.d' before one of the nice people there helped me straighten out the mix-up. My birthday assignments are normally musical, you see.
“Anyway, could someone point out iambe for me?” Someone - several someones point. The enormous creature faces that way and begins to sing.
“Happy birthday to you!
”Happy birthday to you!
“Happy birth..” glasses all over the bar shatter as the high note is held “...day, dear iambe,
”Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.“
He bows and heads for the door, waving at a disgruntled Birthday Satyr (still skulking in his corner) on the way. A patron later reports overhearing, “No big deal. They can't fire me - I'm in the union.”
At the door, he turns just before exiting.
“HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, IAMBE!”
…
Birthday Ogre
Member, Birthday Artists and Raconteurs, Federated (Barf Local #69)
