No Contest

by Neos Fyllo

Copyright © 1999

This is probably not what you were after, but it's what came to mind when I considered the idea.

I hope no one takes offence at any of this, it certainly wasn't meant as anything other than a bit of humour. And I again apoligise for posting a story to a discussion group.

Any reference to any person living or dead is entirely intentional. <g>

Neos

(C) Neos Fyllo all rights reserved.

Kevin dropped the coin into the video game and watched the opening credits. 'Flame Wars' scrolled past, one letter at a time, and then shrank to fill the centre of the screen, accompanied by suitably grandiose music.

The title faded out to be replaced by twenty fighters, from whom he had to choose his favourite avatar. Each contestant had a different fighting style. Would it be the dependable but slow See-El, or maybe the flamboyant but glass-jawed Malinov? How about the inscrutable black belt, Daphne Xu, or the devastating club-toting Janey?

It was a tough choice, there were so many good fighters. Maybe something new this time, to try and stretch himself, he thought. He entered the cheat he'd read about on the net, a complicated set of button pushing and joystick wiggling, and 'hey presto' a previously unavailable fighter appeared, the enigmatic Lord Shon.

Lord Shon, the infamous fourth level fighter was a real pain to have to fight against. But after you beat him you went on to face the first of 'the critics', the dreaded bodyguards that surrounded and protected the ferocious, thunderbolt-wielding Celeste, the grand final boss that only the very best fighters could hope to defeat.

To beat 'the critics' you had to study their moves and learn to anticipate how they would react. It took time and effort, but once you'd seen their pattern you could beat them quite easily. Licking the fire-breathing Lady Cyrrh was simply a matter of doing something weird, and the triple attack of Tom, Dick and Harry could be neatly side-stepped with some clever footwork. Vanquishing the final boss, Celeste, was a matter of good luck, timing and knowing when to defend against those thunder bolts.

For an experienced player the first level was more a warm up than a proper bout. The game randomly picked a fighter from the massed ranks. The attack patterns of Sven, Bronwen and Uther, for example, were all easily overcome. They were writers, not fighters after all.

The second rounders were a bit more unpredictable. Mat and EZ made formidable adversaries if you weren't prepared for their strange, unexpected attacks. The third round opponents could vary from the aggressive JC to the cunning Fox tag team of Allison and Maria, who were especially tough on their own home territory, the mud ring. Their throws and pins were an awesome prospect.

Kevin brushed off the first two opponents without a second thought. Would he get the mud pit? Yes he would. His fighter, Lord Shon, entered from the left and immediately fell down a hole, landing with a squelch in knee-deep mud. It was the feared lair of the wrestling Foxes.

Shon adopted a defensive crouch, under the guidance of Kevin's joystick. Allison entered the ring and circled Shon slowly. She was clad only in a skimpy leather bikini, mesmerising Kevin with her long, shapely legs. Allison lunged and grabbed Shon in a head lock, forcing him face first into the mud. Kevin frantically rattled the joystick in a vain attempt to shake her off. Eventually she let Shon go, but it had been a costly mistake. Shon was down to less than half his life. 'Damn those legs', Kevin thought.

He moved Shon towards the waiting Allison and tried a low sweep. Unfortunately the mud slowed him down and Allison was easily able to jump over his attack. He was left defenceless as she grabbed his ear and hauled him to the side of the ring. There was nothing he could do to prevent it; he knew he was doomed. Allison's twin vixen tagged her partner and leapt into the ring. Maria was ready to deliver the death blow.

With a yodelling battle cry she jumped and wrapped both her legs around the dazed Shon's neck, flipping him over onto his back. Holding Shon under the oozing mud, Kevin could only stand and watch as Shon's life bar slipped away.

Game Over.

Still, he had to admit, it was a hell of way for Shon to die, his head buried between Maria's thighs. Kevin rustled around in his pocket for some money.

Just one more go.

The End