Chapter 13
Awakening on Sunday morning was really strange. I was alone in my bed in the loft at my cabin, but I wasn't alone in the room. Standing above me with a tray carrying two cups of coffee in her hands, was a statuesque black woman wearing nothing but a smile on her beautiful face. It took me a moment to realise that I knew her, but even then I was uncertain why Sydney was there.
"Hi." Her voice was a sultry purr. "Our two lovers have gone out for a couple of hours to try out Paula's new car, but before they left, I was told that I needed to awaken you with breakfast in bed. Paula insisted that I needed to wear a smile on my face and Aileen suggested my costume, then they both hinted that I should have the idea of seduction on my mind to put me in the right mood."
"Holy Shit!" I blurted.
I felt my face go bright red as I realised that I had a hard-on that had swelled to the point where it hurt. To make it worse I was nude and there were no covers on my body. In fact when I looked for them I found that there were no covers on the bed. I'd been set up.
"Honey, those were almost exactly my very own thoughts when I was told about this idea. Both of our lovers astounded me. To be honest though, those are orders I'd accept any day of the week. I see you appreciate my following their orders down to the last detail. Unfortunately, I don't know what you prefer for breakfast, so I thought we'd start with coffee and a short discussion." Her purring tone was tainted by the broad smile that crept over her face and I could see that her eyes were fixed on that damn hard-on. "Then, after I find out what you prefer, I'll offer you a choice of what I can actually provide."
Although I was finding it somewhat embarrassing to be in the present situation, for some reason I wasn't even thinking of trying to hide my boner. I didn't know why, but in some way I didn't really mind this strange woman knowing that I was turned on and that I had strong sexual desires for her. Actually it felt natural and in some way it felt warranted, but I didn't know why. After a short time of trying to understand my own feelings, I decided that what I was feeling must be a primal urge. I was still slightly uncomfortable with the situation, but it took only a few more seconds for my memory of the previous couple of days and nights to come back to me. That memory included all the various sexually stimulating situations I'd found myself in over that time.
It suddenly dawned on me that I had been teased and tantalized by the two older women and that while Paula had been acting slightly possessive of my attentions, she'd also acted relaxed about the two older women's attentions toward me. My thought was that perhaps Paula had been attempting to make me more comfortable with my feelings, but at the same time I felt almost as if she'd been setting me up in some way. So, adding what I remembered to what Sydney had just said, I was left with a few major questions that I felt needed to be answered. Sliding back against the pillows and patting the bed as an offer for her to sit down, I managed to match her broad smile with a weak smile of my own.
"Sydney, why would they do that?" I asked quietly. "I could probably guess why they ran off to try out the car, but why did they leave you here with me, especially with instructions like those?"
"I suppose it was because I and my lover had a long conversation with Paula early this morning. However, she felt that she didn't know you well enough yet to answer for you, but she certainly surprised me with some of her input."
She handed me a coffee, then leaned forward to set the tray on the bedside table before sitting down on the bed and shifting to face me. As I watched, she swung around to face me, then lifted her feet and crossed her ankles, drawing her lower legs close in front of her body. Her knees had spread wide and low to the bed. The view was certainly blatant and intentional, without even asking, I knew she was offering far more than breakfast in bed.
"You couldn't be more obvious, could you?" I managed a weak smile, deciding finally that my hard-on wasn't at all out of place. "So, let's hear the story."
I think I astounded her by seeming as accepting of the situation as I appeared to be. For several seconds she seemed to be thinking, then she simply shrugged her shoulders, her eyes dropped and she shook her head slowly.
"I keep forgetting about the wolf." She said in a soft tone that lacked the purr but was almost as sexy. "But, since that was what I was using as an argument when I was discussing you and your actions with Aileen and Paula earlier this morning, I shouldn't have."
"Well, since I wasn't listening in on the argument, perhaps you should enlighten me."
She sighed, then smiled.
"No matter how I look at this situation, it's totally strange." She lifted her eyes to mine. "Do you have any idea how unlike most men you react?"
"I've never bothered much with comparisons that way." I grinned. "But then I know that different men react in different ways to different situations. I can tell you that at the present time, I am sitting here feeling quite uncomfortable. First off, I feel the need to empty my bladder after a night's rest following an evening when I drank more than I should have. I'm also uncomfortable because Paula and I never showered after making love last evening, so I imagine I reek like a rank stench pot. On top of that I have a mild hangover from mixing my drinks last night which is making me slightly less tolerant than I normally would be. Then too, I'm suffering the woes of unfulfilled lust at the sight of a very alluring woman."
At that point I paused, then after a second, I frowned. "But most of all, I want some answers and you are doing anything and everything else but answering my questions, which is making me somewhat annoyed."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to annoy you, it isn't intentional." Her eyes dropped again and I realized suddenly that to her, lowering her gaze was a submissive move. "Aileen and Paula have gone to see my associate. She's the woman who will be their new gynaecologist, and she's seeing them on a Sunday as a favour to me. Then they're going to a druggist to buy diaphragms and tubes of spermatocide, as well as a few other things. They are also going to buy a 'Morning After' kit, but Paula isn't going to use it without discussing that idea with you first."
She paused and shifted as if she were slightly uncomfortable, at the same time her upper body's colour deepened slightly as if she was blushing a bit.
"Unlikely as it may seem to you, I think I'm much more uncomfortable at this moment than you are. I've made my way in this world by being a very independent, self-reliant and totally controlled person. I've fought for everything I have and I've insisted on doing it my way, to my schedule, with little regard for most people. Yet at this point in my life, I have to make an admission that I find extremely difficult." She paused to take a deep breath, then her eyes lifted and bored into mine.
"I've always felt that one day I would want a child, but until the other day I had never met a man who I felt was worthy of being my child's father. Then Aileen called me to tell me that Paula had found a man. Unfortunately Paula's taste in men appears to be identical to mine; however I believe we do have one basic difference in our needs. She wants a man on a permanent day to day basis while I have a much reduced need." She stopped speaking and her breath left her in a gust, then she breathed deeply and laughed sardonically. "Oh, that felt good."
"What?" I couldn't help saying as I stared at her in astonishment.
"I have no idea." She snorted. "Nothing of what I have done or said makes sense to the rational part of my brain. I know you're Paula's man and I have no right or reason to be here, but she insisted that you needed to know how I felt and Aileen agreed with her. They even insisted that I needed to be the one to tell you. I'll admit though that being nude and alone when I told you was as much my idea as theirs. However, once I had mentioned it, they literally insisted on the idea that I had to be nude."
She paused and stretched, making her breasts rise and fall. My awakening hard-on had long since succeeded in turning into a real honest to goodness display of sexual arousal, but that motion had an amazing effect on 'John Thomas' and his stature.
"What I would dearly love is to have your cooperation in creating a child, then being a male role model for that child as it grew and matured." She said in an almost clinical tone. "I have the wherewithal to raise such a child independently, so I would not be placing you under any form of financial burden. Nor would I wish to make that child a physical or even a psychological burden upon you. I simply want you to impregnate me, then to be there if the child needs a male viewpoint during any portion of its growth."
I think at that point my mouth was imitating a Venus fly trap, both it and my eyes were wide open. I think I might even have been gasping as I sought some answer or at least a reasonable reaction to her statement or request, whichever it was.
"I do have one request that you may find difficult to believe since you know of my feelings toward my lover, Aileen. It might even be somewhat more difficult for you to implement due to your relationship with my lover's child and through her, with me. I would like my pregnancy to be as totally natural as possible. In other words I want my child to be conceived naturally, not by artificial insemination."
I simply sat there and stared at her. My mind just couldn't wrap itself around her admission or come to any sort of reasonable answer that I could use to argue with her. How do you tell someone that has just offered herself to you that you find the very idea of siring a child and then not helping to raise that child to be totally repulsive in every way? The fact that the offer came from an extremely intelligent and desirable woman like Sydney made it even more unbelievable.
However even more compelling than that was the fact that this woman was deeply involved with my girlfriend's mother. How could I possibly justify being involved with her in any physical manner?
"I don't think I could do that." I managed to mutter, then I saw a look that I assumed was disappointment cross her face and I felt a need to say more. "Let's face it, you're a very sexy woman and I might be turning down some great sex, but I've just gotten involved with Paula. I refuse to do anything to screw that up."
"Oh no. I wouldn't want to screw with that either." She actually looked shocked. "In a way it was a worry of Paula's that convinced me to talk to you at all."
"Whoa, hold your horses." I broke in, holding a hand up as if I was signalling her to stop. "I'm totally confused and I need to get to the bathroom . . . badly! We can talk in a few minutes."
I handed her my empty coffee mug and rolled out of bed, making a beeline for the bathroom. Once I was ensconced there, I knew I needed a chance to think so I wasn't in any hurry to leave the little bit of privacy that the bathroom gave me. I decided I needed a shower, perhaps the falling water would wash some of the cobwebs out of my head and I could think more clearly.
I was in the shower, washing my hair when I realised that someone had cracked opened the sliding shower door, but I didn't dare open my eyes or they'd fill with soapy water.
"CJ, you never did tell me what you wanted to eat." Sydney's throaty voice spoke quietly.
"One second." I mumbled, trying not to get soap in my mouth
I proceeded to rinse as much soap away from my face as I could before I opened my eyes and looked at her. There was the strangest wistful look on her face, which brought a frown to mine.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.
She only sighed deeply and shrugged her shoulders, but if I was any judge of emotions, she was on the verge of tears. I'd never seen such raw emotion on her face before and it astonished me. Somehow I knew that if I reached out to her she'd be in my arms in a second and my desire for her would take over. I had to force myself to be firm and stay where I was, but that was exceptionally difficult. As it was, we stood looking at each other for several moments, then to my surprise she quietly slid the door closed and left me alone to finish my shower.
Because of that look on her face, I cut short the long leisurely shower I had planned and instead I hurried slightly. Once I'd dried off, I returned to my bedroom and had another surprise. For some reason I'd expected Sydney to go downstairs or at least to the other bedroom, but instead she was sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, waiting for me.
"You still didn't tell me what you wanted to eat." She whispered softly.
Knowing what I did about her, I found that whisper and the gaze she locked on me to be completely incongruous. It just didn't fit with the personality that she'd displayed since I'd met her. Right then she looked and sounded like a timid schoolgirl who was completely unsure of herself, whereas previously she'd always seemed to epitomize self control and independence. The difference bothered me and I couldn't help feeling some concern since I was certain that she was reacting to what I'd said and done.
I was positive that as a friend I should hug her, but at least I had enough presence of mind to pause and pull on a clean pair of boxer shorts before I raised my arms toward her. The sudden change in her facial expression was miraculous as it seemed to dawn on her that she wasn't totally rejected. She stood and flowed toward me, then as I held her in my arms, she seemed to slump against me. She began to cry, her head beside mine, her chin resting softly on my shoulder.
My memory flashed back to the time when Paula had done the same thing as we sat in the little glade at the University only moments after we'd first made love. Over and above that I found myself making comparisons of the tactical impressions between the two women. Every second I held Sydney, my brain was inundated with a flood of tactile information.
Paula's body felt young and trim; Sydney's was somewhat older, more fleshed out. Paula was shorter, tighter, more compact; Sydney was taller, softer, more curvaceous. Even the feel of their skin was similar, yet oh so different. The physical comparisons between the two of them flooded my mind, inundated it.
In many ways the two of them were as different as night and day, yet in just as many ways they were extremely similar. They both held me in their arms as if their life depended on it. They both were driven by physical desires that were stronger than their common sense. And at the moment the most impressive fact to me was the knowledge that while I held them both of them were filled with physical desire. I'd felt it with Paula and I was again feeling it with Sydney. Unfortunately my body remembered the sensations and results of that previous hug with Paula as well as my mind did. Even though I tried my best to prevent it from happening, my body ignored my intentions.
As I held Sydney close, physical desire inundated me. In truth, I found that since she was such a physically desirable woman, I was having an extremely hard time controlling the reaction of my body. Within seconds of touching her and feeling her firm breasts against my bare chest, I had grown fully erect. As she hugged tightly against me, my erection had grown to full proportions, only separated from her lush flesh by the thin cloth of a pair of old boxer shorts.
She seemed to be unaware of my erection at first, but after a moment I felt her lower body shift tentatively, then press tightly against me, grinding itself against that treacherous organ. I tensed and tried to pull away, but one of her arms slipped down my back, encircling me, pulling our hips tightly against each other. Then she was moving her pelvis rhythmically, somehow rotating it in tight circles, each motion intensifying the sensations on the inflated flesh that now rose between us.
By now my hard-on was tenting the frail cloth that served to separate our lower bellies. Then her body moved and shifted in a slightly different manner. The cloth of my shorts moved and shifted as well, the head of my prick found its way through the fly of my tightly stretched shorts. Suddenly it was in contact with her flesh.
I jerked in surprise and felt her tense, then her arms tightened around my body as her chin lifted from my shoulder. Her upper body pulled back and shifted until our faces were inches apart. Her eyes stared into mine.
At that instant I realised that she seemed to be growing in height, perhaps her knees had been bent, or she was now lifting on tiptoe; I didn't know how she was accomplishing the feat, but her body was rising in relation to mine. My eyes had to gradually rise to maintain contact with hers. I could feel her nipples trace a slowly rising path against the flesh of my chest. However, more insistent than that were the sensations flooding into my brain from my lower body. I could feel the head of my cock trailing a path down her belly, then it was being guided by the soft curvature of her flesh and her gentle shifting motion. Soon the tender swelling of my glans was trapped between her upper thighs. I could feel the warmth and moisture of her inviting cleft teasing the delicate tip of my penis.
I was frozen, my body locked in a rigor of tension, my desire for physical satisfaction warring with my moral desire to remain true to Paula. Sydney was under no such compunctions as her body continued to shift and move. Her pelvis seemed to rotate forward to change the pressures I felt and her thighs slowly spread apart as if in invitation. In some manner tab 'A' slowly aligned itself with slot 'B' until my glans was poised for entrance. Then her body paused its motion.
I couldn't move, couldn't speak. Our eyes were locked. Our breathing and heartbeat providing the only motions that either of us would allow for several slim seconds. Still, other sensations flooded my perception. The tight pressure of her swollen nipples as they shifted with her breath, gently teased the nerves of my upper chest. The delicate warmth of her cleft contrasted with the slowly cooling liquids that oozed forth from the surroundings of our conjunction. The pulsing of her softly enveloping lower lips as the blood surged through her veins was warming and swelling those tender extensions of her welcoming flesh. The tight feeling of the tense muscles on her back as my fingers rested there. The pressure of her arms, her hands and her fingers on my back and sides as she held me tightly.
"Well?" She whispered. "What do we do now?"
For long seconds, the silence was broken only by the sound of my pounding heart and stentorian breath. Then I think I whimpered.
Suddenly my resolve stiffened and my hands shifted to her waist. I lifted her whole body upward and pressed her away from me, succeeding despite having her hands clasping futilely at my back as her fingers slid across my skin.
Once free of her hold, I set her down and turned, grabbing the jeans I'd worn the evening before and tugging them on. When my zipper was fully pulled up and my belt fastened, I dared to turn and look at her.
"I'm sorry. I'd have probably enjoyed having sex with you, but I just can't." I said quietly.
She never said a word, instead she simply bowed her head, then walked out of the room. I grabbed myself a clean shirt and picked up the two empty coffee mugs, then went downstairs.
When I glanced at the clock in the kitchen, I could hardly believe my eyes, it was after nine and I hadn't done anything. In fact I hadn't even eaten anything; it was no wonder that I was hungry. To ease my hunger, I made myself a quick sandwich from an egg and one of the oversized burger buns left from last night's barbeque. With the sandwich and another mug of coffee under my belt, I felt better, but I was still confused about the happenings of the morning.
Instead of worrying myself about what had transpired at the moment, I dug out a sketch pad and some pencils, then went out on the front porch of the cabin. Plopping down on a seat in the shade, I planned on doing some sketches for the art class at the university, but it seemed to me that there was nothing I wanted to sketch.
I hadn't been there long when Sydney came out on the porch dressed in shorts and a halter.
"CJ, can we talk?" She asked me quietly.
"Sure, I was just doodling for art class." I nodded at her. "I'll tell you what, why don't you sit down and get comfortable. Then I'll try to draw some sketches of you as we're talking."
"You aren't annoyed with me?"
"No." I shook my head slowly. "I don't understand your reasons for being so blatant at first, but what happened later was just a result of the physical feelings we both had."
"Well, before you had your shower, perhaps." She sighed as she got comfortable on another seat and gazed out toward the lake. "I think I got carried away though."
"In a way we both did." I sighed. "I really don't understand your motivation though."
"That's simple. It's my biological clock." She shrugged her shoulders as she turned to look at me. "As a woman grows older she realises that she's aging and that she has a limited time left to have a child. In my case, seeing Paula with you brought those feelings to mind more than ever."
"So you want a kid, but why me?"
"Oh come now." Sydney snorted. "You're young, well off and brilliant, not to mention that you're healthy and well adjusted. You'd be a perfect father for any woman's child."
"Huh, I think you're exaggerating. Besides, I have this ethical problem with the whole idea. I'm involved with Paula and at this point in our relationship, I'm feeling quite devoted to her."
"But I'm not asking for a real involvement, other than friendship. I'm really only asking for a donation of sperm." Her face twisted into a frown.
"Actually, that's part of the problem. I have some very rigid feelings about that sort of thing." I sighed, realising for the first time what I'd felt earlier. "First off there's a matter of loyalty to Paula. If we'd have gone any further, I'd have had a feeling that I'd cheated her. I'm sure you can understand that."
"Well, yes, I understand, but she and I talked earlier and it didn't bother her."
"Oh, I think it probably did." I frowned as I thought deeply about Paula's personality. "I think she probably fought down her own feelings and only agreed out of a desire to please her mother and you. From what I've seen of her, she seems rather insecure in some ways and I believe that comes from the way she was raised. She didn't have the love and care of a mother for many years and now that she does, she doesn't want to lose it again."
"Do you really think she's that insecure?"
"Perhaps." I shrugged. "I'll be honest, I don't know her well enough to know for certain, but she's shown some of that about me as well. It's as if she can't believe that I really care for her strongly enough to want to be with her. I'm not sure if her agreeing wasn't a test of some sort for my loyalty as well as a desire to please her mom."
"Do you always analyse people like that?" Sydney asked, as if I'd surprised her in some way.
"I suppose I do." I shrugged. "I like to try to get inside other people's heads so I can understand why they do things. I think it comes from spending a lot of time alone in the bush. You learn to observe things and try to understand the reason for specific actions. I used to watch animals when I was living in the bush and then later, after we moved to town, it was people. People are a lot more complex, but there are always the same basic desires behind any action."
"Could you explain that a bit more?"
"I suppose I can. Every animal of any kind has four basic needs or desires, food, shelter, security and procreation. Shelter and security are intertwined in most animals, but in mankind the two of them are so distinct from one another that I treat them as separate needs. On top of that mankind has added a few other desires as we developed, but those are the true driving forces in anyone's life."
"So you're saying that I pressured Paula by playing on one of her desires."
"Not just Paula, but me as well." I nodded. "It might not even have been overtly intentional on your part, but it's almost instinctive. One of the facets of security is domination and you have a dominant personality. Aileen does as well, to some extent, so since Paula is less dominant, the two of you can pressure her into agreement without trying very hard. Then you tried to pressure me by playing on my basic desire to procreate."
"You're making me sound like a real bitch!" Sydney frowned deeply.
"I'm not meaning to make anyone sound bad." I laughed to try and ease her discomfort. "As I said, some things are instinctive. By dominating a conversation each of us increases our security. For instance, right now, I'm dominating this conversation, so I'm making you feel uneasy."
"For crying in the sink, do you always analyse your own actions as well?"
"Sometimes. After all, if I understand what makes me tick, then I can better understand others." I grinned. "And, if you want to go deep enough into the psychology of the situation, that tendency of self analysis is a matter of security as well. If I understand my actions, then I can translate my reasons onto the actions of others. By understanding their actions, I can easily influence their reactions and become more dominant, which increases my security."
"There's another example of that damn wolf that I keep forgetting." She said vehemently, but with a grin. "I suppose, in a way, you're telling me all of this to put me in my place. I'm in your territory and you're letting me know that you're the dominant male of the pack."
"Good analogy." I grinned back, raising a finger as if placing a mark on the wall, then I sobered. "Actually there's another way that's a good analogy too. The dominant wolf is responsible for all of his pack and you tried to subvert that responsibility this morning."
"I did? How?"
"By suggesting that I should get you pregnant and then have little or nothing to do with raising the resultant child."
She just stared at me.
"To me that's an insult in a way." I sighed. "You see, that's like a bear. A male bear may sire a cub, then a year later, he might kill and eat the same cub. He might not do it out of anger, but he might do it out of desperation. You see male bears don't help raise the cubs so they have no familial ties. That means that if they come across their own cub they may not even recognise it. Then too, their temperament is such that they are exceptionally single minded about personal survival. In order to survive they kill and devour anything weaker than they are."
"Damn, but you use graphic examples." She frowned at me. "I think you know that I really didn't mean anything like that. I suppose I've been tainted by the society we live in. I don't expect people to take responsibility for their actions any more. On top of that, my lifestyle is somewhat nonstandard, I was expecting Aileen and me to act as parents to any child that either of us had."
"Well, if you and I had a child, I'm afraid it would drive a wedge between Paula and me. In fact just having sex with each other might have caused a breakup between us. I'd feel guilty and she'd feel betrayed, which would be a burden on the relationship that we really don't need. Then too, it might break up you and Aileen."
"Why do you think it might break us up?"
"Well, first off, I'd be a part of your life, whether I was around or not. Secondly, there'd be a child that was yours and mine, not yours and Aileen's. Thirdly, the pressure of the breakup between Paula and I would affect your relationship with Aileen and Paula. Something like that just isn't worth the gamble."
"Damn, I never thought of any of this that way." She whispered, then to my surprise she stood slowly and walked away, going down toward the lake.