ASK DOCTOR DAN

QUESTION 7

I am 20 and I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 12 months now. I'm a small girl and pretty timid and shy, and I find myself being intimidated a lot by my boyfriend. At first he was nice to me but in the last six months or so he has been really demanding, wanting sex all the time even when I say no. He makes me shave my vagina hairs off, and he calls me filthy names when we make love which makes me feel cheap and used. I feel really down about it all, because I thought he was the one for me you know? Am I being too selfish, or is there something I can do about this?

Irina, 20 F

DAN SAYS...

Hi Irina. Let me answer both your queries:-

* No you are NOT being selfish;

* Yes there IS something you can do about it - piss this guy off! Get rid of him honey, you are too good for him. Loving relationships are about trust and understanding between two people, and this guy has none of either. There is no excuse for him making your life a misery and forcing you to do things you don't want to do. I realise it hurts because you really love this guy and you want him to be everything you hoped for, but really I think you have to face up to facts and understand that it's unlikely to get any better.

At your young age you should be more than able to go get the guy of your dreams - bolster your confidence a bit! Speak up for what you want, and you'll find you will get it in most cases!

LAURA SAYS...

How could you ever think that you're too selfish??? The first sign that something was wrong was right when you said you were intimidated by him. Listen, he cannot be the one if you don't feel comfortable around him - period. And the other stuff he says and makes you do - you know just as I do that he's taking advantage of you and isn't in "love" with you as he may have been. Confront him and tell him that what he's doing is totally over the line - if you feel intimidated by him, he can't be the one for you - the one for you will never make you the least bit uncomfortable and that's the honest truth. I wouldn't stick around with him any longer if I were you - and another thing that will help is if you tell friends or family of this situation: they will help you overcome this.