The Sun will come out tomorrow
My Mum and Dad died in an accident when I was 10. I was then
put in an orphanage. I was no angel. I was considered one
of the wild boys. I got into trouble all the time. The
people that worked there considered me a bad boy, a boy
with a bad future. They washed their hands of me, and
would not take the blame for what I did or what I would
do. It became so bad, that the headmaster there decided to
send me to another orphanage. The Pink institute which was
a special orphanage for bad boys and good girls.
As I drove in the car, through big gates, I got my first
view of the orphanage. It was cut off from the rest of the
world and was hidden in the middle of a forest. The
orphanage itself was a big Victorian building. It had a
huge statue of a woman outside. We parked the car and went
through some big doors. The ceiling was high and the
floors shined. There was a smell of polish. My contact
person from the old orphanage led me to the headmistresses
office. She was a little fat woman, with a beehive
hairstyle. She had very thick glasses on. She looked a bit
like my granny. If she thought she was strong enough to
make me a good boy, then she would be surprised.
“Welcome to the Pink Institute,” she started, “I hear that
you misbehave all the time. This institute has a 100%
success rate of changing bad boys to good… well; you will
just have to see. I see that you have long curly hair and
a small fragile body. Just look at your eyes. You have
very long eyelashes and deepest eyes that I have seen. I
am sure that you will do well here. It might take some
time, but you will do fine. You are also 11, so you have
plenty of time.”
I frowned at her and nearly stuck out my tongue, but
managed to keep it in. She was allowed to think what she
wanted. The last orphanage thought they could control me,
and now they have given up.
The head Mistress called a girl whose name was Polly. She
was one of the older girls. Her job was to show me to my
room. She explained that each room had two beds, and I
would be sharing the same room with a new boy called
Brian. He would also be starting today. The corridors were
long and had wooden panels. It smelled like perfume that
Mum used to have. I could feel a tear coming to my eyes.
Why did God take my mother from me?
One thing I noticed was that there were no boys. There
were many girls in the corridors and girls in bedrooms
with doors open. I tried asking Polly where the boys were,
but she wouldn’t answer. Where are all the good boys that
she boasted about? They were probably in some dungeon.
At last, we came to my room. When the door opened, I could
have collapsed. The top was painted white while the bottom
was painted pink. There were two beds. Both had pink bed
sheets and blankets. There were two dressing tables, both
with mirrors. There was also a pink fluffy rug on the tree
floor.
The other boy was also there. He was playing with a Barbie
playhouse on the floor. I started laughing when I saw
that. Boys do not play with dolls. He looked embarrassed
when I started laughing and threw the doll down. He said
there was nothing else to play with. He was right. The
room was a girl’s room. I asked Polly for an explanation.
But she just said nothing and told us to wait here until
someone comes. It did cross my mind on if I should stay or
not. There was a whole building to explore. Plus I had to
find the boys.
The other boy was Brian. He was also 11 years old. He got
into a lot of trouble at home. He was in a gang that sold
drugs. They made him be the lookout for any police. Then
he was caught and the judge said that he could come here.
He was small for his age and had long hair like me. He
also had an earring in his left ear. I was thinking if he
would be dangerous or not. I mean he was in a gang, He
would know how to use a knife. I quickly apologized for
laughing at him and seeing him with a doll. He said OK. It
was his first time playing with a doll. To show that I was
willing to be friends, I started playing with the dolls.
For the next few hours, we have played with dolls. We
brushed their hair. We changed their clothes. We pretended
that they were going shopping or to the beauty salon. We
didn’t notice that hours went by. The headmistress opened
the door and smiled when she saw us playing with dolls.
She said that we were to eat supper in our rooms that
night. We quickly ate the Hotdogs that she had given us.
After dinner, we decided to explore the room. We looked at
the table with the mirror. There was nothing except
brushes, a small mirror and makeup. We laughed at this.
Then we opened the closets. There were dresses, uniforms,
and petticoats. We agreed that the girls that lived here
before had forgotten their clothes.
It was then that Brian suggested that we try on one of the
dresses. He already was taking his clothes off and putting
one of the petticoat dresses on. It was so fluffy and
lacey. I said I’m keeping my clothes on. This was not good
enough for Brian; He was sitting down putting mascara on.
He looked at me, smiling and said that he didn’t think
that I needed mascara, because I had very long eyelashes.
I smiled back. I heard this all my life. How pretty my
eyes were. Brian put his hair in a ponytail and stood up.
He did a small dance and then looked in the mirror. He
just stood there and stared, the only thing he said was
what would his gang say if they saw him now?
It was time to go to bed, so we both went to our own beds.
It was hard to sleep. This place was not like the old
place. It seemed like they were more disciplined here. I
wondered why there were girl clothes and toys. Why
were we put in a girl’s room? Anyhow, it was time to
sleep. Brian fell asleep straight away. I just looked at
the ceiling, thinking of what happened and unsure of my
future. Suddenly I could hear voices in my head;
“You have been a bad boy”
“It’s easier being a girl”
“Girls are well behaved and polite”
“Boys can be girls as well”
“Boys can wear dresses and girls clothes”
“Boys can play girl games and play with girl toys”
“You will be better off as a girl”
“Dresses look good on boys”
“Ask to wear a dress”
I couldn’t wake up, but I was only half asleep. Where were
these voices coming from? It was like they were coming
from my head. After the voice said something, I would hear
my brain shouting NO! No way was I going to be a girl. No
way was… (I fell asleep, but didn’t realize that the
voices were still pounding their subliminal messages in my
head.)
The next morning, Polly woke us up. She said that it was
time to put the school uniform on, make sure our hair
looked pretty and our faces were washed. Brian asked if he
could wear the dress in the cabinet. I went over to him
and asked him what the f(Censored) he was talking about?
“Why do you want to wear a dress?” I asked
“Because it’s so pretty and everyone else here wears it”
“But you are a boy!”
“Well, it’s easier being a girl. Girls are more behaved
and polite. Boys can wear dresses and girl clothes too”
Then I thought of the voices that I heard at night. Brian
heard them too. In fact, he believed them. It was a good
thing that I knew what I wanted. They would have to point
a gun at my face before I begged to wear a dress, although
dresses did look good on boys. What was I saying?
Polly asked me if I was going to wear the school uniform.
I told her in a matter of fact way that there was no
uniform. It was only a girls uniform. She answered in her
superior tone that boys and girls wore the same uniform.
This explained why I couldn’t see any boys yesterday. They
were all sissies. I told her that I was not wearing any
dress or girls clothes. In my mind, I was thinking that
boys do look good in dresses. I shook my head. I shouldn’t
be thinking like this. Polly was smiling for the first
time. I bet she knew what I was thinking. Polly asked me
for the last time if I would put the uniform on. I said
no. She said that was my choice. Then she told Brian, who
was already dressed that he should go to the canteen for
breakfast. She told me to stay where I was.
I sat on the chair, thinking that I would be punished or
they were getting me a proper boy’s uniform. Two janitors
came in. they moved my bed out of the room. I was happy
because this meant that I was getting a boys room. I sat
and waited with a smile on my face. The next thing that I
knew was that the two men were bringing this oversized
crib in the room. The smile on my face disappeared. They
put the crib where my bed was and then removed my table
and mirror. They put a changing table there. I tried
asking several times what they were doing but was met with
silence.
After they changed my part of the room into a nursery,
Polly told me to follow her. We went to the nurse’s room.
I sat on a chair waiting for them to speak with each
other. Then the nurse told me to get up on the examination
table. She took my hand and gave me a shot. She said that
would weaken my muscles, I wouldn’t be able to walk
anymore, but I could crawl. She gave me a shot in my neck
and explained that this will limit my speech. Then she
took my clothes off. I was embarrassed that Polly was
there, but the only thing I could say was “out”. Did she
go? No! The nurse then proceeded to put a diaper on me.
This was after she gave me a shot on my bum. She explained
that I would now need a diaper, because of the last shot.
After she put the diaper on, that quite honestly felt
comfortable, she put this pink romper on me. She then put
a pacifier in my mouth and said I was finished. I was now
a sissy baby.
When Brian came home he was all excited. I looked at him
thinking that he looked like a real girl. I smiled. He was
a sissy now. Brian was also smiling. Who could blame him?
I was now a sissy baby.
“I see that you had a busy day,” He said, “You should have
put the dress on. It’s so pretty and on the weekend we can
wear the nicer dresses and even a little makeup. I went
down to eat breakfast. I was a bit afraid that I would be
teased, but everyone there was boys. I sat at the table.
There was no teasing. They acted like we were best
friends. Then we had sewing class. I am not so good at
that, but I will try my best. Then we had a cooking class.
I did quite well here. I made lunch. It was only
sandwiches but I never made my own food before. Then we
ate our lunch. Then we had a meeting with the
headmistress. She said that we were bad boys. Now we will
be trained to be good girls. When we were finished with
the institute, some rich man would take care of us. Some
of us would be maids, some of us would be companions, and
some of us would be closer. Then we got time to play. So
we played with hula hoops and jumping ropes. They were
really girl’s games, and I know that I would never have
played them before. But they were quite fun. What did you
do today?”
No matter how much I tried to tell him of the injustices
that I have experienced, no words came out. Only baby
words. The one word he knew was “wet” which explained how
I was. Another word he understood was “bubba”, which of
course means bottle. He understood this he gave me
something to drink from a bottle. I felt my eyelids grow
more and heavier. I feel asleep in Brian’s arms.
While I was asleep, I heard more voices:
“You have been a bad boy”
“It’s easier being a girl”
“Girls are well behaved and polite”
“Boys can be girls as well”
“Boys can wear dresses and girls clothes”
“Boys can play girl games and play with girl toys”
“You will be better off as a girl”
“Dresses look good on boys”
“Ask to wear a dress”
“Do you want to be a baby or a proper girl?”
I woke up in my crib. My diaper was wet. I wanted to get
out. I woke Brian up, that came over to me in his pink
night dress. He asked what I wanted. I tried to speak, but
only baby noises came out. I started crying. I wanted to
get out, but a crib has bars you know. The dummy made me
stop crying. It was actually soothing to suck it. Brian
stroked my cheek as he calmed me down.
I saw him get changed, in the school uniform dress. He
even looked like a girl with just panties on. The dress
was quickly on and he was sitting down putting his hair in
a ponytail.
“Today will be fun.” He said, “I will see the other girls.
Then we have gymnastics. It will be fun stretching and
learning how to move gracefully. Then I get to gossip with
the other girls about nice clothes and even boys. After
gymnastics, we have a dance. I love ballet, don’t you? I
am looking forward to wearing a leotard and tights.”
Then Brian’s face looked puzzled. He asked me to stand up
in the bed. Then he told me that I was much shorter than
the day before. I was as short as a 7-year-old. I looked
down at my body and it was true. I was much shorter. I
couldn’t say anything about it, so I started crying. Brian
put the dummy in my mouth and gave me a hug. I felt snug
in his arms, although I was much smaller than he was.
After what seems like ages, Brian left so he wouldn’t be
late for gymnastics
Polly came and took me to the babies section. We were all
changed and put in our pink rompers again. Polly even puts
my hair in a ponytail. I looked in the mirror and started
to cry once again
“Me…. Ga ga… me… small”
“I know darling. You will get smaller every day until you
are the size of a toddler. Then you will forget that you
were born a boy. We can raise you as a girl.”
This was it. I cried as loud as I could. I was now in a
baby room, with baby toys. I found some blocks and tried
to build a tower. My hands were a bit clumsy, so the tower
kept on falling. This was basically my day. Getting my
diaper changed, eating baby food, crying because I
couldn’t tell what I wanted and miss Brian. He was busy
being a girl. My fate was to be a baby
When I got back to the room, Brian and two of his friends
were there. It was a real girl party. His friends seen me
and were amazed at how cute I was. They wanted me to sit
on their lap, while they gave me a bottle of milk. I knew
what they were playing. They were playing baby.
This is when I decided
“Gr, ga, I la want a dress”