Awakening

INTRO

My beginnings; the names and personal details have been changed, but guaranteed 99% true.

AWAKENING (c) Dan Singer 2003

I was an only child, but I grew up in a large extended family with many aunts, uncles and cousins. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother on my mother's side and often stayed at her house, sometimes for a week at a time. She lived one town away from us, a 10 minute drive by car and near enough for me to ride over by bike. My grandfather had died when I was very young, but my grandmother, though quite old, was still vigorous in those days. I was the youngest of her grandchildren and her favorite.

My grandmother had 6 children, 2 boys and 4 girls. They were all married and had families of their own except for Jessie. She must have been about 40 and still lived at home. Jessie did not speak and had not spoken for over 20 years. She was not dumb, there was nothing that physically prevented her from speaking, but she never spoke to anyone, at least not in front of me. Now and then she would utter a word or two in a small bird-like voice, a verse from a song, an expression, a bit of remembered conversation, but it wasn't directed at anyone in particular, and you could hardly call it speech. Mostly she was silent.

This seemed less odd to a child than it might to an adult. Jessie was healthy in other respects. Like my mother and her other sisters, she had a strong, graceful build with thick dark hair. I enjoyed watching her tend the garden or work in the kitchen, her long, dark pony tail swaying behind her. Other than not speaking, she seemed pretty normal; occasionally she even drove into town for groceries or gardening supplies. As a young boy, I tried to get her to speak a few times by asking her questions, teasing and prodding her, but she ignored me. She had stopped speaking around the end of high school and was simply not interested in starting up again.

Jessie had her own room in my grandmother's house. At one time she had shared it with the rest of the girls, but now it was all hers. The room had a pair of beds, a pair of dressers and a chair. When all the girls had lived in it, each girl had half a bed and half a dresser to herself. The whole room wasn't much bigger than my room at home, which I had all to myself, so it was no wonder they were anxious to leave.

I usually slept with my grandmother in her big double bed, but occasionally, my grandmother would put me in Jessie's room, and Jessie and my grandmother would sleep together. I looked forward to those times. There was the excitement of staying in a room that was occupied by a mysterious person, and there were 2 beds to choose from. The room itself had a pleasant, faintly floral smell that seemed to come from Jessie's clothes.

Shortly after my 10th birthday, my parents went away for a long weekend, leaving me at my grandmother's after school on Friday. My grandmother announced that I would be sleeping in Jessie's room, and I went to bed after dinner and quickly fell asleep.

I woke up early the next morning. The alarm clock said 5:30 but the sun was already up; it was late Spring. I had been awakened by a noise in the room. I heard the groan of some floorboards and the creaking of a dresser drawer. I cracked open my eyes and saw Jessie taking out her clothes for the day. I turned over and went back to sleep. A bit later, perhaps no more than half a minute, I rolled over and opened my eyes again. Jessie was still in the room. She was pulling her nightgown over her head. I saw it rise over her thighs, past her waist, over her chest and up over her head. It happened so fast I wasn't sure what I was seeing until she stood in front of me naked.

My family was not prudish about nudity or physical matters, and on occasion, I had dressed or even bathed with one or another of my aunts or cousins. But I had never seen Jessie naked before, in fact, I had never even seen her in a bathing suit, and the sight was shocking. I don't know exactly what I expected, but it was not the body of a perfectly formed young woman. Jessie's face was 40 years old and reflected a lifetime of private sorrow, but her body was firm and unlined, the body of a beautiful 18 year old.

Her arms were strong and graceful. Her chest was golden in the morning sun. Her breasts were full and round but they barely sagged. In the center of each was a lovely brown circle that contained a dark red nipple. Her waist curved inward in a gorgeous arc and curved out again to wide hips. Their shape delighted me. In the center of it all was a tangle of dark hair that covered...what? I knew there was a slit there somewhere, but it was covered with hair. I did know that I was seeing something dazzling, beautiful and rare. Jessie stared out of the window, letting the sun warm her skin. Her body seemed to glow from within.

She began to lightly rub her chest. I had no idea what she could be doing, but it looked as if she felt itchy and might be scratching herself. As her hands roamed over various parts of her body, gently touching and stroking her arms, legs, stomach and buttocks, a pink flush spread across her shoulders and chest.

Now she concentrated on her breasts and something magical seemed to happen. As she touched them, the lovely brown circles around the nipples grew smaller and seemed to rise, while the nipples themselves grew longer and thicker and stood out from her breasts. Every so often, she pinched one or the other of them and shivered.

I began to feel a strange sensation in my legs and groin. The whole area felt warm and very pleasant and I noticed that my penis had gotten much bigger than normal. In fact, it had gotten hard and was standing straight up. I recognized the feeling. I had felt it before, when I had found one of my grandfather's magazines in an old desk in a shed. The magazine was filled with pictures of naked women. It was divided into sections, and each section was devoted to one or two of the women. The pictures depicted a supposedly candid sequence; the models had been caught unaware at some activity that required them to partially or completely undress, like bathing or trying on clothes.

Despite the obviously fake setting, or perhaps in part because of it, these women seemed so beautiful they took my breath away. Looking at them had made my heart pound and my penis get big and hard. All this was accompanied by a strange sweet feeling that made me want to keep looking at the pictures and feel my penis get bigger and harder. I had wondered if my grandfather had liked to look at the magazine, too, and if it had made his penis hard. Now I recognized the magazine feeling and realized that it must come from seeing the body of a beautiful woman, and for the first time I realized that Jessie was truly beautiful.

Now Jessie concentrated on her breasts. She walked her fingers across them, squeezing them in her hands, rubbing the nipples with her palms, and tweaking them. Jessie had many ways to manipulate them. She stroked them, pulled them out, swirled them round and round. She twiddled them with her fingers and rubbed her fingers rapidly over the tips, and then she would begin again. Periodically, she would squeeze one or both nipples between her fingers, and this seemed to relieve something, because she would sigh and pause for a moment. And then she would start over again.

My penis had become very hard and the feelings in my groin had intensified. I had no idea what the feelings were leading to, but I struggled to keep still, afraid that any movement would draw attention to me.

Then something amazing happened. There were two identical dressers on opposite sides of the room. Each dresser had a smooth, curved ridge about halfway up that ran across the front and sides. At the corners of each dresser, the ridge formed into a round knob that stuck out a couple of inches. Jessie backed up against the corner of the nearest dresser and leaned against the knob. She eased herself onto it as if it were a tiny seat and began to rub the area between her legs back and forth over it.

It took her a while to find the right position, but when she did, she seemed to enjoy the rubbing a great deal. She began to sigh and breathe deeply as she rubbed, and once she had settled into it, she was able to confine the movement to her hips, rocking them back and forth and squeezing her legs together. This left her arms free to play with her breasts, and she pinched her now very elongated nipples between her fingers. Periodically, she made a grunting sort of noise, while her face grew red and her breath quickened.

Jessie was so occupied that I thought it would be a good time for me to adjust my position. I rolled over onto my back and let my knees swing outwards. This felt more comfortable and gave me better access to my groin which now felt so hot it almost burned. I reached down and held my penis, which was still very large. I had no idea what had happened to it, but I felt an urge to close my legs around my hands, and when I did, my hands were squeezed up against my penis and the strongest and most beautiful feeling surged through my groin, up and down my legs, and over my entire body. My hips began to move uncontrollably, and I could not help but thrash around on the bed and cry out, and as I did the covers fell away from me, exposing my naked body in the throes of my very first climax.

Jessie turned her head and our eyes met. I don't know if she had forgotten me. She smiled a mischievous smile that I had never seen before, and she nodded her head, or perhaps her head bobbed up and down of its own accord, because the next moment, she shut her eyes tight and her face contorted in a grimace and she seemed to clutch her body with all her might. She made those grunting sounds and ground the bottom part of her behind into the curve of the dresser, clutching at her legs as if trying to press them harder against the dresser.

I don't know how long this went on for. It seemed like a long time, though it was probably less than a minute. Then Jessie relaxed, leaned against the dresser and sighed deeply. I closed my eyes, rolled on my side, and pretended to be asleep. My penis was still pulsing. The feelings were dying down but every so often another wave of the sensation surged through my groin and made me gasp involuntarily.

A minute more must have passed, and then I felt someone pulling the covers over me. Jessie was still naked and a strange musky smell seemed to come from the hairy patch between her legs. She covered me with the blanket. I had no idea what had just happened, but somehow, I knew that it had happened to both of us. I felt it must be an extraordinary gift that Jessie had given to me. I stared at her and tried to thank her with my eyes, and then I fell asleep.

I was awakened when the intense feelings returned. It felt like it was going to happen again. I had rolled over in my sleep and pressed my penis against the bed, and it had rubbed against the sheets in my sleep. When I stopped pressing, the feelings went away, and when I started up again, they returned just as strong as before. This is how I discovered how to masturbate. As I continued humping the bed, my heart began to pound in my ears, my breath speeded up and those ecstatic feelings surged through my crotch again and burst through my entire body. My legs shook and I couldn't help but push my penis into the sheets, and it seemed to explode into spasms of bliss. I heard myself grunting and crying as my hips slammed into the bed. Finally, the spasms ended and I lay on the bed panting, trying to catch my breath, and at last fully awake.

During the rest of my visit, Jessie ignored me, but I was aware of her presence in the bedroom, the faint, musty smell coming from the ridge on the dresser that she had rubbed against. I slept in her room the second night and woke up early in the morning to wait for her, but she didn't come. She had taken her clothes out the night before. My visit ended without any further activity.

During the summer, I stayed over at my grandmother's several more times and naturally I looked forward to more experiences that would give me those wonderful feelings. Nothing happened. Jessie stayed in her room and inside her shell. Perhaps that one time had satisfied whatever desires she'd had. Or maybe she'd acted impulsively and would never do it again. In fact, although I knew the feelings were connected to the magazine pictures and to Jessie's naked body, I didn't fully understand that they were under my own control and I could make them happen by myself.

Months went by, and I longed to see Jessie's graceful body, with its dips and curves and beautiful circles around her nipples and that mysterious thatch of black hair between her legs. Finally, I asked my best friend Ronnie for advice. Ronnie was tough and practical. He had a stash of those magazines, and at 11, he already had a girlfriend, Maeve. He had taken Maeve down to his basement and she had let him feel her up. Or so he said.

Ronnie advised me to be direct, to make a pass. "What can you lose? She's not gonna kill you or anything." This was generally Ronnie's attitude towards life; try it, who knows what might happen? But how could I, a 10 year old boy, make a pass at a 40 year old woman? "Walk up behind her and put your hand on her ass. If she doesn't take it away, you can rub it around a little, see if she likes it."

We formed a plan for my next visit. Assuming that I slept in my grandmother's bed, I would get up early in the morning and find some excuse to visit Jessie in her room. I imagined myself standing next to her, both of us gazing out of the window at the sunrise. I would reach over and put my hand on her ass. I imagined how it would feel, warm and resilient, kind of like my ass. Then I would gently squeeze it. If she accepted this, I would reach around with my other hand and feel her breasts. That was as far as I got, I had no idea what came next.

Soon after, I had a chance to put the plan into action. My parents went away for a weekend and as usual, I stayed over at my grandmother's. They dropped me off on Friday afternoon. I joined Jessie out in the garden and watched her carry the watering can up and down the rows of tomatoes. She wore sandals and a long cotton dress. I passed the time imagining what she looked like under her dress. She ignored me. After dinner, I went over to her and said, "See you in the morning." She made no sign that she had heard.

It was a long time before I got to sleep that night. I listened to the cars driving by on the highway across the field. I heard the breeze rustle the leaves outside the window. Finally, the moon rose and a silvery light shone onto the coverlet of my bed, and I drifted off to sleep.

And then there were sounds inside my room. It was morning, someone was opening a drawer. I opened my eyes and saw Jessie standing next to the dresser. She was silently taking out her clothes, trying not to wake me. The only sound in the room was my heart pounding like a drum in my ears. She put her clothes down on the chair and turned away from me to face the window. Then she reached up and slipped her nightgown over her head. She stood in front of me completely naked, her rounded ass fully exposed, the sides of her breasts visible from behind.

It is always good to have a plan, because it relieves you from having to think. I sprang out of bed and stood by her side. In the same motion, I put my hand on her ass. She started but did not move away, and she did not move my hand away either. Her ass felt warm and slightly nubbly against my palm. We stood there for a few seconds, motionless, silent, staring straight ahead. Then I moved my hand in circles on her ass. It felt warm but fleshier than I expected. I put my hand on her other cheek and rubbed it, too. I felt a slight answering pressure as Jessie leaned back against my palm.

I stood there rubbing and gently squeezing her ass for perhaps a minute. Jessie stared out the window, lost in thought. The brown circles around her nipples had puckered and the nipples stood out from her breasts, which seemed to have enlarged and grown firmer. She reached up with both hands and twisted her nipples. Then she took her breasts in the palms of her hands and pressed them against her chest. She walked over to the bed and lay down on her stomach with her hands under her and her face on the pillow.

I didn't know if she was leaving me or inviting me to join her, but I followed her over to the bed and put my hand on one of her cheeks. I rubbed my palm over it and then over the other cheek. Jessie ground her hips into the bed. I climbed onto the bed and pressed both hands against her ass, leaning my weight onto it. She pushed back and then rubbed her hips down against the bed. She began to clench her hips and ass and rock them back and forth, rubbing up against my hands and then back into the bed.

My whole crotch felt warm and my penis was so hard that it stuck straight out, pushing my pajamas out like a tent. I wanted to feel it pressed against Jessie, so I lay down right on top of her. My penis pressed between the fleshy cheeks of her ass and lodged in a soft area that felt hot and moist even through a layer of cloth. I was startled by the feeling and pulled back, but Jessie gripped my penis between her thighs and buttocks and continued to move in that odd rocking motion, pressing her hips into the bed. When she pushed up, she lifted us both off the bed, and each time she pushed her hips into the bed she grunted.

While all this was going on, my penis was pressed against the warm squishy place between her thighs. The feeling was like nothing I had ever felt before, tense, exciting and a little scary, since I didn't know what would happen next. But I was happy to let it go on because I loved the feeling of her warm fleshy body pressed against me, and I was fascinated by her movements. And then, while she continued to grind her hips into the bed, her whole body tensed and began to tremble, and she pressed herself against the bed as if she wanted to push herself into it. She very audibly said, "Oh, Oh, OH!" and each "oh" was louder than the one before, until finally, Jessie collapsed and lay still. She was breathing audibly and her skin was wet. I rested with her for a little and then I pulled myself up.

There was no hiding my erection now. It was bright reddish pink and stood straight out. Jessie got up too. Her thighs made a kind of wet sound, and I looked down at the hair between her legs. It was damp and the tops of her thighs were slick. I looked up at her breasts. Her nipples stuck out much farther than before and seemed to have expanded. She stared straight at my dick, and it pulsed in response. As I stared back at her, Jessie raised her arms over her head, stretched and yawned.

I walked over to her and put my hands on her breasts. Her nipples pushed against my fingers and I pressed them, rubbing and then pulling them gently. Jessie's head fell back and she gasped, "Oooh," and put her hands over mine. My penis rubbed up against her leg. She pressed my hands roughly into her breasts, much harder than I would have, as I rubbed my smooth fingers across the tips of her hard nipples.

She stepped backwards and pulled me with her as she fell onto the bed. I lay on top of her, my hands still pressed against her breasts. And now she began that back and forth rocking movement again, only this time we were facing each other and she was not pressing her legs against the bed but against me. She parted her thighs so that my penis slipped between them and rubbed against the wet slippery place. The rubbing gave it that jumpy nervous feeling, but it felt good and I didn't want to stop. Neither did Jessie, because she kept going and going, and I could feel the hot wetness slipping along the length of my penis. She began to breathe loudly, "unnh, unnh, unnh," and then suddenly, the feeling in my penis exploded and surged through my body, and I couldn't help but groan with pleasure. She grabbed my ass and pressed me hard against her, and she seemed to shake back and forth as she cried out, "hunh, hunh, OH!"

I held her as my spasms continued and my penis pulsed and pulsed until finally we both collapsed and lay still. We rested again, and I may have fallen asleep. At some point, she got up with her clothes and left the room. I lay under the covers and slept. My penis, still very hot and hard, continued to pulse. I didn't wake up until late in the morning. By that time, the only evidence of what had happened was the feeling in my penis and that unfamiliar smell that seemed to linger in the bed. I don't think I even saw Jessie during the remainder of the weekend.

Although I stayed over at my grandmother's perhaps a dozen times that year, the sex with Jessie was never repeated, and as time went on, I thought about it less and less. Some events are so far outside our experience that there is nothing we can do but ignore them, and this is what I did. It simply didn't fit into my life. I never mentioned it to Ronnie. When he asked me what had happened, I told him that I had approached Jessie when she was fully dressed and put my hand on her ass, and she had simply walked away.

As I got older, Jessie declined. I spent less time at my grandmother's and when I did see her, Jessie was even more distant than normal. Eventually, she retreated to her room and rarely came out. When my grandmother died, Jessie went to live with her oldest sister, Jasmine, 3 hours away by car.

I visited her several times as an adult. By this time, Jessie was quite frail. I would sit with her on the couch in Jasmine's parlor, and she would let me hold her hand. She was silent, inert, locked within herself. I don't even know if she knew who I was. But when I squeezed her hand, she sometimes squeezed it back. Perhaps she remembered.

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