Just Stuff: This is my first attempt at writing a
story, so please bear with me. These are true memories of mine. Some are
fantasies. I will always make it clear which are fantasy and which truly
happened. I know you all probably get this a lot. People claiming things are
true and such, so if you don't believe me, that's alright. It doesn't really
matter. Why I'm doing this, I'm not sure. Mostly to get this crap off my chest.
Partly because I'm a bit sick, sexual abuse will do that to a girl.
At
the end is my email address. Anyone who what's to comment please feel free to
email me, I'll answer every email I receive to at least say "Thank you." if it's
a nice email, or "Fuck you." if it isn't so nice. *giggle* If you write me
something semi-intelligent I'll write a longer response, of course.
These
memories will kind of be in order. Or at least as best as I remember them.
Starting when I was youngest to present day. Sometimes I'll skip around. Who
knows. Hey, it's my life, I can tell you in any order I want. And, this probably
won't be as good as some "fiction" story, because unlike fiction I'm only going
to write what I remember. No added stuff that didn't happen. No extras to make
it more exciting. Just what happened, plain and simple. Everything here will be
true, or as true as I remember. Only the names will be changed. I don't really
care about protecting the privacy of the abuser or anything, but there were
other victims and I'm not going to give away their true identities.
- - -
- - - - - - -
Memory 1- (but not the first memory. -True-)
I
was about six years old. I was just beginning to learn to read. I was trying to
teach my little sister how. She was only four and didn't really care about what
I wanted to show her.
We sat on the couch in the finished basement. It
was a big room, so the couch was like a divider. Meaning, the couch was kinda in
the middle of the floor of the big room. (like on TV shows sometimes there are
big living rooms, and the couch is set so it's possible to walk behind it.) I
was flipping through a Dr. Seuss book, "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"
to be exact. I used to love Dr. Seuss. The television was on, some cartoon, I no
longer remember which. Anyway, I sat there flipping through the pages, and kept
poking Maggie (my sister), trying to teach her to read, when I heard foot steps
coming down the stairs, I knew it was Todd.
Todd was my mom's boyfriend
at the time. He was a little older than my mom. We were living at his house. I
knew it was Todd because I knew my mom went to the store. I remember feeling
that scared feeling in my tummy that I got every time he was around. He liked to
play "secret games".
He came downstairs, and I didn't even turn my head.
I hoped he'd just go away. It was hard with him. Sometimes he was very nice, and
sometimes he was very mean, and sometimes he was in between. I never knew what
to expect. He came over to the couch and sat down next to me, so I was in the
middle of him and Maggie. Then he leaned to me and whispered really softly,
something like "Why don't we let Maggie look at the book for a little while?"
Then he reached over and pulled the book out of my hands and dropped it in
Maggie's lap. Then he took my hand and stood up. I followed him, just staying
quiet. It was always quicker when I was quiet. He took me behind the couch
(remember I told you it wasn't pushed against a wall, but rather kinda in the
middle of the room) and to this chair that was behind the couch. It was like a
lazy-boy armchair. He picked me up and put me standing up on the chair.
I
had on a t-shirt and pants, and my underthings and socks on. He had on shorts
and a t-shirt. Anyway, he put me in the chair, and then he reached out and
pulled down my pants and underwear and the same time, then picked me up against
him, and pulled them off completely, leaving my socks on. Then he sat me down in
the chair. I was being really quiet because I didn't want Maggie turning around
and seeing what was happening. Even at six I wanted to protect her.
Then
he knelt in front of the chair and pushed my legs apart, and started touching my
legs and stuff. I was kinda relieved, actually, because I was glad he wasn't
hurting me this time. (Sometime when he was mad he'd hit and spank and stuff,
but that's another story.) He kept touching my legs and kissing and licking
them, and I knew he liked that a lot because he'd smile when he did it. And he'd
call me "Princess". That was the only time he called me "Princess", when we were
playing our secret games. Then he licked in between my legs. (at the time I
called that my "private places" or my "gina", obviously short for "vagina", I
didn't know anything else to call it, and he just called them my "special
princess place") I liked when he licked me there a little too. I didn't know why
I liked it. I didn't understand why. It kinda felt like tickling, but better.
And certain times when he licked me it felt REALLY good. (I know now he must
have been licking my clit, but at the time I didn't even know what that was.
*ggl*) he licked all between my legs, and kept whispering stuff like "Do you
like that, Princess?" and I knew I had to say yes or he'd get mad.. so I nodded
and said "Yes".
Then after awhile he stood up and started pulling his
shorts off. That's when I started getting nervous again. He pulled off his
shorts and I saw his "privates" too. It was all hard. (He called it "his friend"
well he let me call it that anyway.) He took my hand and put it on his friend
and closed his hand around mine, kinda making me rub it up and down, and stuff
was dripping out the little hole (I now know it was precum, but at the time I
just knew it was "stuff"). Then he took my hand away, and pushed my legs apart
more, kinda rubbing up against my 'gina. And he was breathing fast, then he
started pushing, and I bit my lip as hard as I could, and was being really quiet
because I didn't want Maggie to know or see. He grabbed my legs and pushed
more.. He actually wasn't doing it as hard as he sometimes did, it didn't hurt
too bad. And he kept pushing, and pulling my legs so I was kinda slumping in the
chair, and he'd pull back and push in, and pull back and in.
Then it
stopped hurting so much. After awhile it always stopped, and I breathed easier
then, and he kept pushing and pushing, and I knew he was going to be done soon.
(at the time I thought he used to pee inside me, but now I know he was coming.)
So he moved really fast and then came all inside me, and then pulled out, and
there was "stuff" dripping out, and he picked up his shorts and used them to
wipe me up a bit. Then he helped me get back on my pants, but not my panties,
and kissed my forehead, and then had me kiss his. He patted my bum softly and
told me to be a good girl, picked me up, put me back on the couch with Maggie,
and then he went back upstairs.
- - - - - - - - - -
That was one
time. Hope someone out there liked it. It's crazy but I actually hope it turns
someone on. It turns me on now, even though at the time I was scared and
hurting, now when I think back...
Like I said, I know I'm sick. Oh well.
To each his or her own.
Until next time, Kiddies. ~Invisible
Girl invisible_girl@kittymail.com