I normally don't go for chickens but the pretty boys in Winning Ways fair take my breath away in how much like dolls they are. They are like those ornamental Plaster of Paris replicas of Greek statues that are painted by overenthusiastic little girls whose Mommy's make-up guns that they "borrowed" are set to "Whore". There are enough lipstick and face-cake among the pretty boys to make a Chinese opera singer feel self-conscious. Is this movie sexy, you ask? Well, that depends on whether you like seeing pretty boys or seeing them fuck well.

If you like seeing pretty boys alone, Winning Ways is like an Abercrombie and Fitch newsletter made into a movie as it invites the audience to follow the antics of two rival groups of young men who conduct childish battles with each other by day even as they secretly shag each other by night. I must admit, these young men have beautiful bodies that are muscled and sculpted very nicely indeed and it's a nice way to pass the day watching these pretty boys frolic naked in the river or indulge in homoerotic tussles and wrestlings with each other. Unfortunately, it's once the mouths, cocks, and assholes are involved that things go spectacularly downhill.

The first problem is the badly dubbed voices. I don't know about anyone else but I get so irritated by this movie's use of a single line being played over and over that I nearly throw a chair to the TV screen. "Ooh! Aah! Ja! Ja! Oh! OH!" repeated over and over again is comparable to nails on blackboard. The second problem is, these pretty boys fuck in an overly-choreographed manner. They don't fuck, they slowly thrust their hips in and out without any urgency - they are pretty much robots programmed to pump hips while the track in the background plays the same "Ooh! Ja!" again and again through the entire scene, even when the mouths of the players involved in the scene are so stuffed with meat that there is no way that they can Ja! Ja! anybody. Even when they are supposed to be coming, the hips barely move faster, the arms of the top remain placed firmly at his back, while the bottom barely stifles a yawn. And let's not start with the pathetic blow-job scenes.

The only saving grace to this pretty but lifeless movie is the fact that these pretty boys blow really huge loads for actors involved in a gay adult movie. The penultimate fuck scene between the two leaders of the factions at the end of the movie isn't memorable in the mechanics and the Ja! Ja! Ja!s, but damn, they shoot off like they're the new Fourth of July fireworks or something, splattering the entire torso and even the chin. I wonder whether these guys enjoy buttfucking each other more than Jan Novak want them to come off as in this movie. Perhaps Jan Novak fear that the sight of gay porn actors genuinely enjoying what they are doing will send me into shock that I may never recover.

I'm sure many people will love this movie - Bel Ami fans come to mind - but for me, I'd take a passionate fucker like Kristian Brooks over these pretty boys who can't buttfuck or give head to save their pretty asses. Yeah, they're pretty and they can sure blow a load, but apart from the pretty, there's truly nothing else to enjoy in the far from winning Winning Ways .

Rating: C-