Lord Of The Cock Ring (2002)
Anal, condom, hunk, group
Starring: Jay Ross, Aaron Tanner, Logan Reed, Matt Fuller, Kyle Richards, Ryan Matthews, Scott Mann, and Collin Jennings
Directors: Peter and Casey O'Brien
I have no idea why this lame movie needs two directors, unless it's just an excuse for the each of them to take long coke breaks in the toilet without disrupting the filming schedule too often. This tepid movie attempts to introduce a stupid ring that gets its wearer laid but it's hard to care when
Lord Of The Cock Ring
features the same old tired hairless and steroidal Cro-Magnon guys that are everywhere and the sex scenes feature the same old limp dicks being forcefully shoved into asses that not just glisten with too much lube, the lube can pretty much be mistaken for some toilet accident on the bottom's part.
If you insist on watching this movie, go ahead. But there is a chance that you have so many gay adult movies in your collection that have guys with limp dicks that look just like these guys (that is, if they aren't the same guys we are talking about) fucking in the same tedious position in the same mechanical manner, all the way their dead eyes staring far ahead to the paycheck they will receive at the end of their workday. I know, many of these guys have bills to pay like all of us and they are just doing their job. But their job is to entertain me, damn it, and all those limp dicks being squished into overlubed assholes before dripping three drops to come to signify how mighty they are - that isn't entertainment. These guys may as well go work at McDonald's, where at least I'd know that the burgers they serve will be hotter than the lacklustre attempts of theirs at "fucking" with their supposedly twelve-inch limp dicks.
Lord Of The Cock Ring
can go cock up its toes and die. The world will not suffer from it. Or care.
Rating: F
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