Lifeguard! The Men Of Deep Water Beach revolves around a bunch of horny lifeguards getting it on with each other like nobody's business. Unfortunately, many of these men are of the tattooed steroidal generic variety - your usual run of the mill porn fellas, actually - and other than an excruciating fisting scene, there is really nothing here that stands out in the mind.

The story begins with our lifeguard chief Cliff Rhodes giving Colby Keller some advice on Colby's upcoming wedding night. I have no idea how Cliff unzipping his pants to shove his cock down Colby's throat will have anything to do with sexually pleasing Colby's future wife, to be honest. Colby, the poor dear, looks like he has own two-thirds of a functional brain and he doesn't look like he's enjoying himself in this scene. Cliff Rhodes is amusing though because he seems to be reading aloud his lines from a teleprompter.

What follows is a rather typical fuck-and-suck threesome scene with a rather memorable scene of Tober Brandt taking up Derrick Hanson's fist in excruciating slowness. There is also a rather typical "job audition" scene where the new lifeguard reveals a cock of a length that will please size queens while terrifying other people. The disadvantage of having a cock the size of an overlong Thanksgiving bratwurst special becomes clear when the poor lad can barely maintain a halfway decent erection as he plugs lamely away at the asses of his overacting partners.

A rather typical adult film with so-so sexual scenes and worse acting than usual, this one doesn't even break a wave where I am concerned. To be honest, I find early episodes of Baywatch when those men wore Speedos much more erotic and those men didn't even whip off those babies, heh.

Rating: C