The Bathroom

 

MR AND MRS SANTA

 

©2001-9 The Bathroom

 

This story was first published a few years ago, originally in three parts. To celebrate Christmas, The Bathroom is publishing it again, altogether… on one page.

 

It was Christmas Eve in Santaland, and Mr and Mrs Santa were packing all the presents ready to send to children all over the world. They and their helpers, the Pixiemen, were making the various games and toys that they hope will make the little darlings happy. They had worked so hard up to the last moment to get the preparations done. 

 

While they were working, Mrs Santa had drank several cups of tea, which inevitably led her to feel that twinge in her bladder, but she ignored it. She did not want to go to the toilet until the work was finished.

 

“OOOWWWWW!” howled Mr Santa as he tripped over one of the boxes and fell.

 

“What’s the matter?” asked Mrs Santa.

 

Mr Santa was nursing his ankle. “I might be hurt,” he said. “I don’t think I’ll be going out tonight!”

 

“Why not?” asked Mrs Santa. “Surely it isn’t that serious?”

 

However, the Pixie doctor looked at Mr Santa’s ankle confirming their worst fears. “It’s fractured,” he said. “He needs to rest off that ankle completely.”

 

“But it’s our busiest night of the year!” explained Mrs Santa.

 

“Sorry, but he has to rest the ankle,” said the Pixie doctor. Meanwhile, Mrs Santa felt her bladder was getting fuller. Serves her right for drinking all that tea. Later in the evening, the preparations had finished, and the boxes of presents were ready…the reindeer was ready, but Mr Santa wasn’t. He called to his ever-faithful wife.

 

“Love, you need to start delivering the presents…now!” he said.

 

“But I don’t know how!” Mrs Santa replied, looking worried.

 

“Yes you can. Here’s the route, and the list… off you go!” Mr Santa said, and struggled to walk on his other good ankle to see her off from Santaland.

 

The problem for Mrs Santa in all the tension and excitement, putting on the red uniform, hat, gloves and black boots, that she forgot to use the toilet before she left, and now she was bursting.

 

“I need to go badly, and there won’t be anywhere to stop for hours!” she thought.

 

The first two hours were touch and go. The reindeer were not going straight forward because of the way the reins were being held. Mrs Santa had one hand on the reins, and the other in her crotch, and she was fidgeting wildly. Every time she visited a house to drop off a present, she spent a few moments trying… and failing…  to find a toilet. In doing this she fell further behind in her schedule, which meant some children may get empty sacks this year. Finally, Mrs Santa felt she had enough.

 

“If I don’t use the toilet soon, I’m going to lose it,” she thought.

 

So, when she reached the next house, first of all going down the chimney slowly, but carefully not to put too much pressure on her aching bladder. She reached the living room of this house, first of all putting a couple of presents under the Christmas tree, then once again started looking for a toilet.

 

Suddenly, she heard voices from outside the room. It would be seconds before she would be discovered. She found a large cupboard and raced towards it. She opened the door, went inside, and closed it. Two children, a boy and a girl, walked into the room, too excited to sleep before the big day. they immediately saw the magic dust covering the presents under the Christmas tree.

 

“Santa’s come!” they shouted, and rushed to start handling their presents. Then their father came in.

 

“Hey you two, back to bed!” he ordered.

 

Meanwhile, in the cupboard, Mrs Santa was feeling claustrophobic, as well as being desperate to wee. She was holding herself so tightly, and trying not to fidget so much, but the pain was so unbearable, and her fidgeting  caused the cupboard to shake a little. If she didn’t stop shaking, she would be discovered….

 

Mrs Santa had only been in the cupboard for ten minutes, but it seemed like eternity. She was wondering when she could get and go for a wee. She was holding herself so tight, she felt that if she let go for one moment, the wee would come out in one big torrent, soaking her red trousers.

 

“Dad, the cupboard’s shaking!” said a voice. That was all she needed. She tried to stop fidgeting, but it was increasingly difficult, because she was desperate to wee so badly. The two kids watched the cupboard rock from side to side in hard, rhythmic jerks. Mrs Santa could tell who was outside and  was heading for the cupboard and yet she could be discovered. The legend of Santa being a myth could be broken forever… 

 

“Oi! You two! I said, back to bed!” shouted the father again.

 

“But the cupboard’s shaking!” said the boy.

 

“I don’t care. Back to bed. Go on!” said the father as he herded them back to their bedroom.

 

Mrs Santa waited a couple of minutes, just to ensure that the house had settled down before finally coming out of the cupboard. She was bending double and holding herself, very tightly indeed.

 

“I must find a toilet, I can’t wait any longer,” she thought, and started to look around the house for a toilet.

 

Suddenly, she gasped, and felt a little wee seep into her knickers. That caused her to grab herself even tighter than before. She heard some footsteps….somebody was coming from the bedrooms. Mrs Santa made a mad dash up the chimney and landed back in her sleigh before she was caught. She got away with that, but she still needed to wee, and this time, it started coming out in small squirts. Within a few moments at this rate, her bottom would get wet.

 

Her schedule was getting later and later as she was having trouble delivering the presents to the children as well as trying not to flood herself. Then she had an idea. She called the Lead Pixieman back on Santaland.

 

“Hello, what’s the problem?” asked the Lead Pixieman.

 

“Hi, it’s Mrs Santa. I’m behind schedule, could you get some of your men to help me?” she asked.

 

“Sure, I’ll send you five of my men over right away,” replied the Lead Pixieman.

 

“Could you do me another favour? Could you send me a large container as well?” Mrs Santa asked. “The reason for this is that I am so desperate to take care of my current problem. If I don’t , then I’m going to have a bad accident!” She wasn’t wrong. She needed to get rid of her wee… and soon.

 

About half an hour later, Mrs Santa had to stop. She was still squirting wee in her trousers, and as a result, a small wet patch formed in the crotch area of her trousers. She landed with the reindeer in an open field, and frantically got out. She ran to the nearest woods, where she thought she would be shielded from prying eyes. It should be easy, as it’s almost Christmas, and most people should be in bed. She struggled to pull her red trousers down and squatted to get ready for some much needed relief.

 

However, she suddenly heard barking noises. She looked up to see a Golden Labrador dog  had been barking at the reindeer, and as a result, they were getting nervous. She immediately pulled up her trousers without weeing and ran straight back to help the reindeer fend off the dog. She struggled for a few minutes trying to chase the dog away.

 

“Oi!” said a voice. “What’s going on here?”

 

For the second time, Mrs Santa looked like she was going to be discovered, so she got back into the sleigh and rode off, leaving the dog to continue barking. That was close, but she still needed a wee…. and the wetness in her crotch was getting bigger…. Mrs Santa was on the verge of losing it now.

 

After the second near escape, she wanted to wee so badly, and needed to stop somewhere, some place where she couldn’t be found. She was leaking wee involuntarily, and as a result, she was getting a very damp crotch and bottom in her red uniform. She had one hand in her crotch all the time at this point, never wanting to let go completely until she found a place to wee.

 

“That’s it, I’ve had enough of this!”

 

Mrs Santa simply had to land again and let go the rest of her leaking wee. She landed with the reindeer in another field, just to make sure it was miles away from other people, then she walked gingerly with one hand in her crotch to go behind a wall of a deserted cottage.

 

At last, she was able to relieve herself… but for the fact that the zip of her trousers was now stuck! She tried tugging at it several times to get it to move, but it didn’t work. She started fidgeting wildly whilst trying to unblock the zip.

 

“Oh, goodness, not now, please!” she mumbled to herself.

 

But it was too late. Another spurt of wee came to dampen her trousers and this time she couldn’t stop, so she stood on the spot, widened her legs a little, and just let the wee flow down her legs, soaking her trousers. She couldn’t see the wee forming underneath her because of the darkness, but she heard the splashing sound. She breathed a huge sigh of relief for letting go, but was embarrassed about it as well. What was she going to do about the wet trousers and having to explain what happened to her husband that evening?

 

Somehow, the Lead Pixieman and five other Pixies came out and offered to help Mrs Santa. To her horror, one of them saw her damp trousers.

 

“Ohhh, you’ve wet yourself!” he said, and the others, looking towards the wet trousers, started to tease her.

 

“Hey, our job is to deliver presents to the children, not to mess about!” the Lead Pixieman shouted at them, and ordered them to get on the sleigh and get to work. Then he turned to Mrs Santa.

 

“I don’t think you’ll need this container now,” he said. “I know, thanks. I was on the verge of going in my trousers anyway. I blame my husband for this!” she joked, and they both laughed.

 

They all jumped on the sleigh and made up for lost time by travelling quicker than normal. In the end, the work was done…. Just about, and they headed back home to Santaland just before sunrise on Christmas morning.

 

Later, at present opening time, Mr Santa thanked his loving wife for all she had done.

 

“Here’s a small gift to you, my dear,” he said, holding out a tiny package.

 

Mrs Santa opened it… it was a novelty toilet. She clearly felt embarrassed about the choice of present. Some of the Pixieman sniggered in secret…. The story of  her wetting herself may have been heard right across most of Santaland.