St. Friday and the Dragon

by Arty

"Would you like to tell me why, exactly, I'm sitting on this horse, dressed in this ridiculous tin suit?" She rapped sharply on the magnificently endowed breastplate; a hollow ringing emanated from it as a result of this action. "Which reminds me, why am I 'advertising' like this? And while we're on the subject of armour, have you tried to take a leak in one of these things?"

Further questioning was cut short as Friday belatedly realised that her squire was no longer with her. Turning in her saddle she looked back along the track. Just as she was considering turning back to look for the errant squire, she appeared, cantering out of a small copse.

"Sorry to interrupt your tirade, but I just had to answer that 'call of nature'."

"Of course it's so easy for you; I, on the other hand, have to schedule things like that a day in advance!" Grumped Friday.

"So how far had you got?"

"The advertising and the bathroom arrangements!"

Cat grinned.

"Stop smiling, it'll be your turn to wear this metal monstrosity next."

"Oooo nice alliteration."

Friday stuck out her tongue at her 'squire'. "So what's the plan, now that Frank and Nick have him all riled up?"

"Don't ask me, you're the author of 'The Care and Feeding of Dragons' deary."

"Am I ever going to live that one down? I mean, I post one lousy article and now I'm forever cast as the resident Dragon expert! Here I am, dressed up in this ridiculous tin suit …" Words failed her at this point.

Cat grinned again. "Oh come on it's not all that bad."

Friday roused herself to fresh irritation. "No. Some of it's worse!" She drew her sword. "You know what the worst part is?"

"No. But I just know you're going to tell me."

"The very worst part is this terrible pun of a sword." So saying she swung the sword in a series of impressive cuts, as she did so, Cat and Friday could clearly hear, in place of the expected swoosh as the blade cut through the air, 'Snicker Snack Snicker Snack Snicker Snack.'

Cat giggled.

"Oh don't laugh, it only encourages him; the next thing you know we'll be deluged in peanut filled chocolate bars!"

"I am feeling a bit peckish."

Friday waved her sword threateningly at Cat. "If you keep it up I may feel the urge to try out this 'Vorpal Sword' for real."

"Okay. Okay, I'll behave."

Friday sheathed the sword and the subliminal chant of 'Snicker Snack' was silenced. The two women heaved a sigh of relief as the chanting was cut off. "Next time I really will have to think twice before posting." muttered Friday under her breath.

By now the two horses had carried the two female folk heroines almost to the village that was their destination. It seemed a prosperous sort of place. An impressive sign stood outside the village boundary, it said. "Welcome to FDWritings population 253. Please Post Carefully." As the two read the sign the 3 was magically transformed into a 4.

"Seems a popular place." Snickered Cat suggestively.

"Enough with the puns already!" Friday was obviously not speaking to her, so Cat ignored this outburst.

As they approached the entrance to the Village a small welcoming committee had formed. At the centre of it was an older man, who exuded a quiet authority. "Welcome to our humble village Sir …" He paused, but recovered himself quickly. "Lady Knights. I'm grateful that the foremost Dragon tamer in all the land would deign to answer our call for assistance so promptly. Please enter." He looked shrewdly at Friday. "It's a long journey and you must be tired. We have a guesthouse that you can use. There will be no charge of course."

"Thank you. You won't believe how uncomfortable this stuff gets after a while." Friday shrugged her shoulders to indicate the suit of armour that she was wearing.

With practised ease Friday dismounted, somewhat noisily, from her horse. [Don't blame me; it's all that armour you're wearing! "And whose fault is that?" Okay, Okay just be patient you won't be wearing it for much longer. "Oh goody! No doubt it'll be exchanged for something impractical and revealing?" Would I do that to you? "Yes! Oh well anything, no scrub that; almost anything is better than this metal stuff."]

While Friday was mentally chastising the fates over her fate here, Cat had also dismounted and taken charge of both horses. The Village blacksmith had appeared and offered to stable their mounts. Cat had agreed and took the opportunity to flirt with the craggily handsome man*, who appeared to be wearing a leather apron and not much else.

(*I'll be taking bribes from anyone who wants to appear in later stories as the Blacksmith!)

The deputation and the two visitors made their way to the guesthouse and the villagers wished the pair a good evening. Friday and Cat had declined an invitation to a feast in their honour as they said they would need to rest before meeting the Dragon tomorrow. ["That's not fair! Why do I never get to 'eat, drink and be merry' in these stories?" You need the sleep that's why. Look there's only one bed, I'm sure you and Cat can find something to do to amuse yourselves for a while. She did pack the runny honey. "!"]

Not wishing to annoy his heroines too much the author did not chronicle the exploits within the room that night. So we rejoin the action reasonably early the next morning. Friday was looking at the clothes that Cat had put out for her to wear.

"You're as bad as 'he' is! I refuse to wear such an awful dress."

"It's not awful, look I'm wearing the same thing myself."

"I know it's the two of us wearing the same dress that is awful."

Cat bristled. "Why?"

"You're a Knight too right?"

"Yes." Said Cat wondering where this was going.

"These dresses are white right?"

"Yes." Answered Cat slowly, beginning to doubt Friday's sanity.

"And what are they made of?"

"Satin."

"Exactly!"

Cat looked at her as realisation dawned. "Oh."

"I refuse to participate in such an obvious travesty of a pun."

"There's nothing else to wear, the rest of our stuff has been packed and spirited away."

["I'll get you for this!" Oh come on it's not that bad. "Oh yes it is." It could be worse; I could make you moody and depressed. "Aaaarrrggghhhh! Okay I give in; I'll wear the damned dress. Just don't blame me if hordes of enraged readers come and pull you limb from limb."] With the pleasant scenario of an errant author being slowly dismembered by a horde of ravening readers running through her mind … ["Stop it!"]

"Are you gonna wear the dress or aren't you?"

"I'll wear it. Just don't blame me for the consequences!" Suiting her actions to her words Friday gracefully shimmied into the form-fitting dress. It had been cut cleverly on the bias and the simple design made the two ladies look very alluring indeed. Not that they weren't sexy, attractive and beautiful on their own account you understand, it's just that the dresses had been specifically designed to enhance their natural … ["You don't have to lay it on so thickly, I'll probably forgive you in a day or so."]

The two knights in white satin* dresses, left the room to the accompaniment of the groans of several hundred outraged readers.

(*Look, don't blame me, blame my … on second thoughts do blame me. ["You're learning bub!"])

They were met outside the guesthouse by Frank the Village Elder.

"Good morning Lady Knights. I trust you slept well?"

"Yes thank you. Perhaps you could point us in the direction of breakfast and afterwards we can deal with this pesky Dragon."

"That sounds like an excellent plan."

"By the way you don't happen to have a couple of bottles of beer you can give me do you? Someone appears to have drunk my last one." Friday looked accusingly at Cat. Cat grinned and stuck out her tongue lasciviously. Friday blushed.

The village had laid on an excellent brunch style breakfast and since they had been denied a feast the previous night, everyone was there to greet the two women who would shortly be dealing with the Dragon that had been tormenting them recently. The food was distributed quickly and everyone settled down to the task of demonstrating the fact that the human body was the topological equivalent of a doughnut. In reasonably short order the first part of the 'demonstration' had been completed. I.e. the food had been eaten. ["Sometimes you can get too clever with the convoluted and witty similes - just get on with the story!"]

Tactfully disengaging themselves from the protracted well wishing, the two Knights left the village and headed towards the Dragon's Lair. Just in case they each carried a large bottle of beer. The smell of brimstone grew as they neared the den of the dread creature. Sooner than they would have liked they reached the entrance of the cave. A dreadful roar was heard and a tongue of smoke and flame woooooooshed out of the entrance almost singeing their hair.

"Sounds like a bad one."

"Time to get ready I suppose."

The two women slipped their arms from the shoulder straps of their dresses and shook themselves gently. The delightful movements of their unfettered breasts caused the dresses to pool silkily at their feet. Grasping the beer bottles firmly the two Knights walked gingerly into the cave. Once inside the Dragon could be seen pacing ill temperedly backwards and forwards from one side of the cave to the other. Friday coughed to attract his attention. Before she could say anything however he roared and a jet of fire reached out towards them, as it died down the two women were seen to be covered in …

"Chocolate Syrup!" Now Friday was a tad unhappy. "We cross untold leagues, we endure tedious breakfast speeches, and I have to participate in an awful pun; all to bring you the beer. And what do I get in return? I get covered in Chocolate Syrup!"

At this point she realised the ridiculousness of the situation and started to laugh.

"Sorry Friday. I've got this terribly soar throat, and I just coughed." The mellifluous tones of the Dragon echoed through the cave. "Could I have the beer since you've gone to such trouble to bring it?"

The two women walked, stickily over to the Dragon and he took the beer. A practised flick of his wrist and each bottle was opened and consumed in less time than it took to write these words. Sighing in contentment the Dragon relaxed visibly.

"Now would you like me to do something about the chocolate?"

"Yes please" the two women chorused.

"It could have been worse. I could have been a Soup Dragon." Chortling at his own joke, the Dragon began the task of cleaning the chocolate from the women with delicate strokes of his long Dragon's tongue.

"Could you open your legs for me please?"

In a kind of daze the two erstwhile Dragon Tamers did as they were asked as the Dragon began to clean them in earnest. Switching quickly back and forth the chocolate was rapidly removed. Of course several tries were required to ensure that certain parts of their anatomies were thoroughly cleaned, the two or three glorious orgasms that they each experienced were just pleasant side effects.

Of course they didn't want to waste the Dragon's tongue on their hair so they all adjourned to the shower to wash the Syrup out by more traditional means. And a truly penitent Dragon made amends by making sure that Friday and Cat were very clean indeed! Once all the soap was rinsed away he insisted on checking to see that no soap residue was left on their sensitive membranes. Friday and Cat groaned their way through another orgasm each. Unhappily all good things must come to an end, even the hot water in a Dragon's shower, and so the trio retired to another, more comfortable location.

Later as the three of them relaxed on the Dragon's bed, luxuriating in the downiness ["Watch it!"] of the patented 'Cloud Nine' mattress Friday spoke. "Now that you've thanked us for the beer, perhaps you can see about paying the 'delivery charge'?"

Alas gentle reader we must leave them there as our time is limited and my Muse is now otherwise engaged … ["You bet your ass! Buddy boy!"] However I've no doubt it won't be long before the enchanted land delivers a new story. Farewell Friday, farewell Cat - don't wear out the Dragon will you? He's not as young as once he was!

-Fin-