Expectations of Christmas Happiness

It was Christmas Eve. I woke up at six in the morning and had a shower. After the shower I walked into Jessica's bedroom and saw her and Abigail sleeping in the same bed. They used different pillows but because the bed was designed for only one person the two girls were close together and touching each other. Although Jessica had black hair, Abigail had light blonde hair, so I could tell the two girls apart very easily.

On the window sill sat the pot plants, which were exposed to the morning sunlight. I found on the carpet three glass bottles, all of which were filled with thick yellow-brown mixtures. With a black permanent marker, the bottles were labeled using Abigail's distinctive wobbly handwriting. Two of the bottles had Abigail's name written on them, but the third glass bottle had Jessica's name written on it. I held Jessica's bottle in my palm and noticed how warm the glass surface felt. I didn't know whether this warmth came from the bottle's recent exposure to the morning sun or whether Jessica had urinated or defecated in it very recently.

As I walked to the bedroom door I looked at the two girls sleeping together and noticed that Jessica was wearing green pajamas and Abigail wore no top. I couldn't tell whether Abigail was fully naked because her lower body below her chest was covered by the blanket. I started to wonder whether my daughter Jessica would have objected to sleeping with a younger naked girl.

A second later, I saw Abigail's body moving, and before I had time to walk away, the little girl opened her eyes and looked right at me. When she saw me looking at her, immediately a mild smile appeared on her face. A moment later, Abigail threw the blanket off and climbed over Jessica--who was still sleeping--to get out of bed.

Abigail was indeed completely naked. I stood still and stared at her. I closed my eyes but when I opened them a few seconds later, I saw the little girl walk into the bathroom to have a shower.

"Dad?"

I looked back at my daughter Jessica, who was now awake. "Yes, Jessica, what do you want?" I walked towards her and sat on the bed. As I sat, my bottom felt the bed's warmth, most likely from body heat from the two girls.

Jessica moved her legs away from me to avoid being crushed as I sat. The blanket, bed, and especially the pillows looked soft and warm. I suddenly felt a desire to sleep in my daughter's bed so I could be inundated by this warmth. I resisted the thought of sleeping in my daughter's bed because I was afraid of what she might think.

Jessica spoke. "Dad, last night Abby told me something."

"What did she tell you?"

"I told her I was going to get a puppy for Christmas from Santa. She said there's no such thing as Santa."

"Did she really say that?"

"She said her dad told her. She said her dad told her not to tell anyone else."

I paused for about ten seconds and thought about what I was going to say. "She's right," I admitted. "There is no Santa Claus."

"Why did you lie to me?" she asked.

"I wanted you to be happy."

"It's okay to lie if I make someone happy?"

"If you want to make another person happy, often there's nothing you can do but lie."

Jessica stared into the distance and a moment later her eyes widened. "Will I still get presents for Christmas?"

"Yes, but you have to keep on lying to everyone, especially your mom. You have to tell them you still believe in Santa Claus. If you do this, you'll keep getting presents."

Jessica climbed out from bed and walked to the window sill where she stared at the bottles of bodily fluids.

----

It was afternoon on Christmas Eve. It was not yet night but the sun was just starting to set and it was still a warm afternoon. Jessica, Abigail, and Timmy were dressed in swimsuits and were playing loudly in the backyard pool while Karen, James, Nancy, and I sat on a circular wooden table and drank wine. To be more accurate, everyone else had wine while I drank bottled water.

Probably influenced by wine, James laughed out loud. "Boy, Keith, now you've got three children!"

I smiled. "Yeah, you don't see too much of that nowadays."

"You're right," said Nancy. "Why is that? How come nobody has children anymore?"

"Children are expensive," I said.

"I don't think they're that expensive," said Nancy. "I mean, children's clothes are smaller and don't cost as much as adults' clothes."

"It's not just the cost of education, clothes, and food," I said. "If we never had children, Karen would have time to find a job and earn money, but because we have children she stays home and the household income drops by however much she could have earned."

Karen looked at me with her mouth slightly open. "Keith, you don't regret having children, don't you?"

I looked at my wife and shook my head. "I love all my children."

While Karen, James, and Nancy continued talking among themselves, I turned my head towards the pool and looked at the three children. I paid attention to Abigail in the swallow end. The water was up to her neck. As if it were a liquid, her long blonde hair spilled from the back of her head and floated on the surface of the water.

Karen nudged me on the shoulder. "Keith, are you listening to me?"

I focused on my wife. "What is it?"

"We've run out of wine," she said, pointing to the empty wine bottle. "Could you go to the supermarket and get some more? Also get some more milk while you're there."

Five minutes later, I was in the driver's seat of my car. I turned the key and revved the engine. Suddenly the passenger door opened and Abigail climbed into the passenger's seat. Her hair was not soaking wet but clearly it was still moist. I worried that Abigail's moist hair might dampen the seat cover. She wore white shorts and a lime green t-shirt.

"I want to go with you," she said.

"You're not allowed to sit in the front," I said, recalling that children should never sit in the front because airbags hurt rather than help small children.

"Why not?" she asked while putting her seatbelt on. She looked at me curiously.

I couldn't be bothered explaining everything, so I backed the car from the driveway and told her not to bother.

While driving, I noticed that Abigail was fiddling with the radio. Afraid she might ruin the electronics, I decided to talk to her to keep her mind off the radio.

"Abby, when you were sleeping with Jessica this morning, you were naked. Do you usually sleep naked?"

She stopped fiddling. "I sleep with no clothes when I'm hot."

"Do you like living with me and my family?" I asked. "Do you like it better than living with your old family?"

"Yes, I like Jessica and Timmy. I like Jessica more." She paused. "I miss my brother."

"What was his name? I forgot."

"His name's Daniel."

"How old is he?"

"Five," she said. "Like me."

"I've never seen him."

"Daddy doesn't let anyone see Daniel."

"Why not?"

"He always locks him in his room."

I didn't like what I was hearing. "What else does your dad do to your brother Daniel? Does he, um, does he put sperm on him?"

The little girl nodded. "Daddy puts lots of sperms on Daniel."

For the rest of the trip we both remained silent. I continued driving and thought about what Abigail had just told me. I was worried about Daniel.

----

I parked my car in the church car park. The only other car in the car park was the pastor's old Chevy.

"Why are we here?" asked Abigail.

"I'm going to find Daniel."

"Can I come?"

"You should stay in the car. It's very cold out here."

Abigail opened the passenger door and stepped outside, but after a few seconds she must have realized how cold it really was because she went back inside the car and shut the door. I locked the doors on the car and noticed that from outside no one could see Abigail inside the car not only because it was night but also because the windows were heavily tinted.

I walked to the front door of the church and tried to silently force the doors open, hoping they weren't locked. Unfortunately, they were locked, and the door handles were wet with rainwater, so my hands became cold and wet.

I circled the church, trying to find an alternative entrance. The church was large, about the size of two basketball courts, and I wasn't able to find any alternative entrance. All the windows were shut. What was odd was how there was absolutely no lighting from within the church. The place looked as if it were abandoned. I knew that because the pastor's car was in the car park, he must have been inside.

I walked back to the car, ready to go to the milk bar before rushing home. There was nothing I could do about Daniel for now.

"That was quick," said Abigail in the passenger seat. "Did you see Daniel?"

"No, I couldn't get in."

"You can go in through the window," she said. "That's how I went to my bedroom."

"The windows were all closed."

"You can use a stick to open it," she said, opening the passenger side door. "I'll show you."

With thin clothing on, Abigail seemed cold, but she seemed willing to tolerate the cold. When she arrived at the side of the church, she aligned an empty rubbish bin at the base of a window, climbed on the rubbish bin, and yanked a stick she found on the ground into the rusty window frame. Within seconds the window was open. She must have done this many times before whenever she wanted to get inside the church after playing in the park.

While the little girl was climbing in, I was stabilizing the rubbish bin she was standing on. Although Abigail crawled through the window easily, I had trouble fitting and almost cut myself. When I crawled through, nobody was stabilizing the rubbish bin, which only made my job noisier because the metallic bin scraped against the walls.

Inside the church I was introduced to a complex maze of dusty corridors. There was no light except for the moonlight that came in through the windows. Sometimes there were no windows, which meant Abigail and I were in darkness.

Even though I was fearful of the darkness and the unknown, the little girl seemed to know exactly where she was, even in the dark.

After a few minutes, Abigail told me she was inside her bedroom. She pressed a button and a light bulb lit up the whole room. The light bulb looked like it was only working at half its capacity. Even though it was on, the place still looked dark. Abigail must have shared her bedroom with her brother because a small boy was sleeping in a bed near the wall.

Abigail and Daniel's bedroom was nothing like the bedroom my children lived in. The floor was pure concrete, and the room had nothing in it except two beds. Although Daniel's bed had everything, the other bed--presumably Abigail's bed--was only a metal frame. The mattress, blanket, and pillows were missing.

Abigail ran up to her brother and shook his body to wake him up. I looked at the little boy as he woke up. His eyes opened wide in surprise as he saw his sister. Just by looking at the little boy's face I could see some resemblance between the two siblings. Even though their faces looked similar, Daniel had light brown hair, which was distinct to Abigail's blonde hair.

Daniel looked tired. All around his mouth was what looked like dried saliva. He had probably been dribbling as he slept.

"Abby, where were you?" asked Daniel.

"I lived at Keef's house."

To my surprise, I heard a rough and deep voice.

"Abigail!"

Pastor Adams had just entered the room. He seemed surprised to see Abigail, but when he saw me standing in the room as well he looked stunned.

"Keith, what are you doing here?"

I spoke. "You never told me you had a son."

Pastor Adams stood where he was, not saying anything. He wore a robe and decided to reach into a pocket.

"What are you doing?" I asked, alarmed that he may be reaching for a weapon. I moved towards him, but he quickly took out a machete and waved it at me.

I grabbed the pastor's wrists with my left hand and with my right hand tried to pry the machete handle out from the pastor's hands. The machete dropped to the ground. I reached down but the pastor grabbed me with his hands. The short religious minister was stronger than I expected. He pulled and pushed, upsetting my balance, making me fall on my knees. A moment later I heard Abigail screaming, but the little girl's screams didn't stop the pastor as he kicked me in the abdomen while I was down. When I looked back up again I saw a fist flying towards my face.

 

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