Oh, wouldn't it be so nice to have a penis?
Oh, wouldn't it be so nice to have a dong?
I'd simply adore to have a lovely stiff one
I'd stroke it, and I'd jerk it all day long.

But, wouldn't it be so nice to have a penis?
Any size providing it's a dong.
As long as it can grow into a stiff one
It doesn't have to be twelve inches long.

A modest size would make me quite contented,
Even a tiddly teensie weensie one,
Would satisfy my urge to have a penis.
Wouldn't it be such absolutely fun?

Oh, how I've longed to have a great big penis.
A lovely kidney wiper, or a cock.
One that you can slip inside a condom,.
Or one that you can slip into your sock.

A one-eyed trouser-snake would be so perfect,
A piece of pork as kosher as could be.
But I'd never ever take it out in public,
Except, of course, when I was forced to pee.

Standing up to pee has been my life ambition.
It's something that I've never been able to do,
I tried it once by standing on the toilet,
But all I did was piddle on my shoe.

But, wouldn't it be nice to have a penis?
Admit it, girls, the boys get all the luck.
So tonight when I am in my lonely bed, girls,
I'll pretend that I am giving not taking a fuck.

Oh, wouldn't it be nice to have a joystick
And play with it when ever I had the whim
To make it grow as stiff as any poker
And stuff it deep inside a female's quim

Yet, to tell the honest truth, I must admit, girls,
That I'm glad I am a girl and not a boy.
For when a fella sticks his pecker deep inside me,
He can give me almost half an hour of joy.

And yet, I'd really love to have a penis,
I'd show it off beneath some bimbo's nose,
But, I'll put my dreams and fantasies behind me.
My cunt is what I'm stuck with I suppose.

Yet, I'm ever so glad that I have got a cunt, boys,
If you had one it would open up your eyes,
Cos it's oh so nice to have a dick inserted,
In that tiny little slit between my thighs..