This short story is an entry in the 2001 Soc.Sexuality.Spanking Summer Short Story Contest and is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice. The author would appreciate your comments
Category: Adult
Choosing the King of Siam
By
Valerie Meilong <VMeilong1@excite.com>
Did you know that in Siam there's a city which has a name which translates as: Happy City Abounding in Enormous Royal Palaces Which Resemble the Heavenly Abode Wherein Dwell the Reincarnated Gods, a City Given by Indra and Built by Vishnukarm." This was later shortened to Krung Thep Maha Nakhon obviously).
(Well if the Welsh can shorten Llanfairpwllgwynllgyllgochgellychlwynidrobochllantysilyigogogoch to Llanfair P.G. why can't the Siamese do it?)
In an awesome public ceremony in this city, Siamese kings were selected. Seven handsome princes were selected. Each was provided with a rose-bottomed young attendant, a bumboy. Competition for this honour was fierce. Mothers would beat their sons to get their bottoms rosy enough for selection. (The best ones came from Phuket, incidentally.)
Seven voluptuous virgins were selected, and each provided with a maid-of-honour carrying a wand. They were known as bumbetas.
A gong was sounded for silence, while the Princes were lined up facing the virgins. The gong now sounded seven times while the bumboys stripped the Princes naked.
Yet again the gong was sounded seven times, while the bumbetas removed all the clothes from the seven maidens.
The gong was again sounded seven times, while the bumboys anointed the stomachs of the Princes with honey.
Again the gong sounded seven times, and the maidens turned, spread their legs wide, and bent over. The Princes were expected to react to this beautiful sight, thus proving they were manly.
A hush would now fall over the crowd. Then, on the first stroke of the gong, the bumbetas would strike the bottom of their respective virgin with their wands. The virgins would scream with the pain. Seven times the bumbetas would strike, and the one who produced the effect closest to the seven red stripes of the Siamese flag was awarded a handsome prize.
The Princes, incidentally, were expected to become even harder at the sight and the sound of the beating.
A conch-horn would now be blown, and the bumboys would reach between the legs of the Princes, clutch the stiffly erect member, and pull down with all their might. The horn would again be blown, and the bumboys would release the clutched member of their Prince. Now, in Siam flies abound, and would be attracted to the honey on the stomachs of the Princes. The Prince that killed the greatest number of flies was declared the next king.
The crowd would cheer wildly, and the bumboys and the bumbetas would chant O-Wa-Ta-na-Siam, O-Wa-Ta-na-Siam, O-Wa-Ta-nass.
There was corruption of course; many Princes bribed the judge. But a problem arose - the judge often had to declare a tie for first place. This occurred so many times, incidentally, that Siam became known as Tie-land. (The Americans, being bad at spelling, misspelled it as Thailand.)
Oh, and another thing. Because of difficulty in pronouncing the name of the capital, Krung Thep etc., Americans called the city Bang Cock, after the ceremony. But since few Americans can spell correctly, it was usually written as Bangkok.
********** End of narrative. **********
Afterword: Meilong's stories are not always amusing, but at least they are educational.;
The End
© Copyright Summer, 2001
This document may contain explicit material of an ADULT nature. ***READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!*** This story is for entertainment purposes only, and it does not necessarily represent the viewpoint of the author. All characters are fictional and any resemblance to any real person alive or dead is purely coincidental. The Copyright of this story is held by ESP Publishing Ltd., Beijing, China. All Rights Reserved. Free distribution via an electronic medium such as the Internet is permitted as long as the text is not modified, and the name of the author and this copyright notice is clearly included. Any other form of publication is expressly forbidden unless authorized in writing by ESP Publishing Ltd.
Reviews
Alex Birch <alexbirch(at)blueyonder(dot)co(dot)uk>
I have to admit to a weakness for this author since her arrival, her sense of humour even more bizarre than my own. I have to say I didn't think this was one of Valeries better tales (and she has written so many) but even so the melange of corny jokes and little asides gelled together to make it all seem fresh and amusing in the hands of a writer of some quality
Needy Wench <needywench(at)hotmail(dot)com>
Seems I've heard a joke before about oh-wa-tan-a-siam, but I can't remember how it goes. As for Phuket, Thailand, and Bangkok - I'll take your word on how they were named.