Ben surprised me
by attending church with us on Sunday. I explained to him it was
a
family tradition to attend Christmas eve services.
"Would you like
to join us, Master?" I asked, knowing he was Muslim.
"I'd be honored
to join you. Jesus is recognized by my faith as a great prophet
and
holy man. I enjoyed the services Sunday and the sermon by your
Pastor.
Yes, I'd very much like to go with you."
It was a bone
chilling cold night in Texas that Christmas eve. Our family piled
into
dad's big Bronco and headed for the church. Aunt Laura was
already
there waiting for us. It was so cold dad loaned Ben his big
sheep-lined
jacket. We hugged and kissed Aunt Laura and settled down in the
pews.
Shirley Grimes waved to me, winked at me and blew me a kiss from the
new organ. She was thrilled with it. They rushed out and
bought a new
one and had it set up for Christmas eve. It was a beauty and
sounded
for all the world like a damn pipe organ. It sure filled our
little
church with beautiful sounds. It was incredible. I smiled,
waved back
and gave her the okay/thumbs up sign for the new organ. She
smiled back
real big.I opened the
bulletin for Christmas eve and there at the top was a thank you, Mr.
Billy Gunn III 'Cowboy' from the Pastor, Shirley Grimes, and the church
for the new organ made by the Allen Organ Co. They were so proud
of it.
Ben read it, too, and smiled at me with pride. The church was
radiant.
There were no lights, only candles everywhere. The women and kids
of
the church decorated it until it was a wonderland of greenery and red
ribbons. I never saw our little church look more beautiful.
Ben was
impressed. His eyes got real big when he saw the wonder of the
transformation from Sunday.
I explained to
him about the Eucharist and the meaning of the sacraments. He was
free
to take them with us or decline. No one would say a word one way
or the
other. He chose to join us. He saw no harm in taking the
Christian
communion. He thought it was a wonderful sentiment and felt it an
honor
to participate. The service began and the children did a
Christmas
pageant that was charming, funny, and touching,— complete with carols
sung at the appropriate places. I was a bit melancholy as it was
my
second Christmas since I returned from Nam and my three friends were
not here, by my side. I had to admit, I missed Red. Damn
it, I
loved the ugly, old, son of a bitch more than I wanted to admit.
Having
Master Ben next to me helped. Our legs were so close together I ran my
hand to my side and between our legs. I soon felt his hand join
mine
and gently squeeze it. I felt kind of funny until I looked over
and saw
dad secretly holding Uncle Joe's hand.
I smiled to
myself and thanked God for my family that Christmas eve. We were
a
rough looking crew. The only family there who had a wonderful
black man
as a member and an Arabian Prince next in line for the throne of a
small but wealthy country. God truly blessed us with the
best. When
it came time for communion we knelt at the altar with dad in the
middle, Joe and Lester on his right, me, Ben, and Aunt Laura on his
left. In a symbolic gesture he encompassed all of us in his big
arms
for a few seconds and then joined in the communion. I lost
it. I had
tears in my eyes and looked to see there wasn't a dry eye among
us. For
once I didn't have to feel bad I was being overly emotional. It
was one
of the most moving and personally wonderful Christmas' I can remember.
I lost so much
the last year and a half but I'd weathered the storm, come through it,
started living again and gained so much in such a short period of
time.
It was a lesson to me to thank God for the here and now,— to thank him
for the past and those we loved and someday, hopefully, will love
again. No
matter
what hand we're dealt, it's up to us to find the goodness and joy in
life, recognize it, make it a part of us and return it to our
Creator.
All I knew was I survived and was thankful for my immediate
family. I
vowed sitting in that church surrounded by love I would stop being
suspicious of God. I blamed him for taking my loved ones
away. With the
willing help of those who loved me, I would learn to trust again.
Besides, I came
to the conclusion the Old Man loved Buck so much he wanted Buck to be
with him. Sitting in church Christmas eve, I felt surrounded by
God's love. I knew without a doubt in my heart, he would see to
it Buck
and I were together again someday. The Old Man understands love
better
than anybody. Hell, he is love. I even said a prayer for
Red and a plea to empty
my heart of hurt and pain. I prayed Red was somewhere warm and
cared
for. Yes, even in the arms of T-bo if that's what he needed. I
felt bad
we couldn't be together for our first Christmas but maybe that would
cement a more solid bond between us.
When the service
was over we left the church to a brilliantly clear sky. The night
air
was colder than an ice cream headache, but somehow, you didn't feel
the cold so much. The warmth from the love in our hearts, the
comfort
of belonging, and the joy of association surrounded us with a warmth
that stayed the chilled night from our bodies. We stopped and
marveled
at the canopy of stars. The dark background of a moonless sky
made it
truly a night of wonder. There was a great stillness came upon the
midnight hour. There was no wind, nor air movement of any
kind.
Soft winds had swept the sky as if to make it ready for a king's
ball.
All its candles were lit. All its lanterns were glowing.
There had
never been such a night. On just such a night as this the night
visitors, the Magoi, came from the East to pay homage to a child,— a
new king. They followed his star in the East. We had our
own Melchior,
a young prince from the orient far, a black man with the soul of a
king, our own Belthazar, and my beloved, humble and devoted Uncle Joe
as the retiring but ubiquitous Gaspard. Gaspard de la' nuit.
Last but not
least, the old man who was the corner stone to the foundation of my
life, my dad, was the tarnished, one winged angel, everyone has on the
top of their Christmas tree. Its seen a few rough years, but you
don't
dare get rid of it and get a new one. It would almost be like
denying
an old friend. Its always been the angel on the top of the tree
for as
long as you can remember, and even if it's tattered, a bit tarnished,
with only one wing, it deserves that spot to shine its brightest once a
year. It's earned it. Once you place it at the top of the
tree, plug in
the lights, stand back to look, your heart leaps to your throat;
suddenly, it's transformed from a rag-tag ornament to the most
beautiful of angels and your heart feels glad you didn't replace
it.
Glad
because of the grace it imparts to your being and you're blessed with
an epiphany. It has become the angel of love, the angel of hope,
the
angel of comfort, the angel of belonging, but best of all, the angel of
home,— the true spirit of Christmas. My dad was that tattered
angel.
A big, gruff,
rough talking, kick-ass, West Texas cowboy angel— a bit tarnished,
tattered— rough around the edges, doing his best to fly with one wing,
but filled with the purest, most
simple, uncomplicated love. He knew how to befriend his fellow
man,
give and receive love, and when called upon, shine his brightest.
I
came to love and appreciate him as I became an adult. We made the
transition so many dads and sons fail to achieve. I no longer was
his little boy, and although I respected him without measure, he
was no longer the imposing authority figure of my youth. We
progressed from
father
and son to friends. We became each other's trusted confidants and
our
love and admiration for each other grew steadily over the years.
He became my rock and a never ending source of love and comfort.
What I foolishly
thought was his failure to be the dad I wanted as a kid, he more than
made up for. I was forever short changing my old man. I
wanted him to
be what I thought I needed him to be. I was too young to
understand he
was exactly what I needed. He gave me the greatest of loves,—
unconditional love. I didn't see it or understand it as a kid, but it
was always there, steady as a rock. I just didn't know how to tap
into
it until I became a bit older. Once I did, it was like hitting a
gusher. He left me alone to grow up to be my own man, but he was
always there if I needed him. He provided for me and taught me
the
value of respecting others. He allowed me and my Uncle Bud to
have a
wonderful, close relationship without feeling threatened. What
more
could you ask from a parent?
Christmas
morning our family gathered, had breakfast and started exchanging gifts
around the tree that dad, Uncle Joe and Lester got the week
before. Ben
asked dad to take him shopping one afternoon in San Antonio and bought
gifts for us. I spent my spare time tooling a western belt for Ben with
his name on it. He admired mine and Phil's. I hid it in
Lester's room
and worked on it as I could. I finished it the day he and dad
went
shopping. It came out really nice. The best I ever made.
We had a great
time exchanging gifts. My dad almost shit when he opened his gift
and found a gold Rolex watch. Uncle Joe and Lester got the same
gift
from Ben. They were three matching watches engraved. From
Ben
with
love, Christmas 1968. Dad got tears in his eyes and hugged
Ben.
Uncle
Joe and Lester did the same. Ben gave me three beautiful Western
shirts
and a pair of Western boots. I handed him his gift from me.
It was a
small package and I began to feel bad I didn't spent more on him.
He
slowly opened it and pulled out the hand tooled belt and was
speechless. He hugged me and almost got emotional.
"You made this,
didn't you, Cowboy?" I nodded affirmative, "It's truly wonderful.
I'm
so touched you thought enough of me to take the time to create
this. It
means more than you'll ever know, Cowboy. I'll cherish this for
many
years."
He put it on and
it fit him perfectly. He had to find a mirror to look at
himself. He
was thrilled. My second gift to Ben was a pair of spurs that
belonged to Uncle Bud. Aunt Laura gave me all his old western
clothes,
boots
and spurs. He had about five or six pair in all. I wanted
Ben to have a
pair of his spurs for the memory of him. Ben cried like a baby in
my
arms he was so moved. Dad, Uncle Joe and Lester gave their gifts
to Ben
last. They surprised the Hell out of me and Ben. Lester
taught me
leather work over the years. That's how I knew how to craft a
belt for
Ben. Lester, himself, was a fine leather craftsman. He
handmade fancy
western saddles in his younger days and taught me how to work with
leather. He hand tooled a western cut, brown leather vest for
Ben. Ben
tried it own and it fit him perfectly. He shed more tears as he
hugged
Lester thanking him for such a personal gift.
Dad and Uncle
Joe bought him a pair of bat-wing rodeo chaps and Lester tooled his
initials on the bottoms. Ben was so excited and thrilled he had
to try
them on immediately. He looked great and hot, too. It
didn't go
unnoticed by my dad and Uncle Joe as well. I made him wear all
that
gear to bed that night. He proved to be one Hell of a buckaroo.
Learned
real quick how to use them spurs, too. Damnation!
It was one of
the best Christmas' anyone could remember. Aunt Laura,
Louise, Suzie, Phil and Wilma Jo and the kids arrived and the women
took over the kitchen to fix Christmas dinner for us. Ben and I
tried
to help, but they ran us out. Ben didn't know what to get the
ladies so
he gave Aunt Laura a gift certificate to the local department store for
three hundred bucks. He gave Louise, Suzie, and Wilma Jo
certificates
for two hundred each. He and I went shopping together and he
bought
Phil the biggest damn Silver Belly Stetson you ever saw. I knew
the
size Phil wore and knew his taste in hats. He almost shit his
pants. It
was an expensive hat. He was thrilled and hugged Ben in
thanks. He
hadn't expected anything from Ben nor had Wilma Jo. He gave Wilma
Jo
and the kids gift certificates for anything they wanted. Ben was
a very
generous man. He loved these folks who opened their hearts to him.
Christmas dinner
was unbelievable. Ben couldn't believe the amount of food that
came out
of dad's kitchen. We were being sent down to the only little
store in
town still open for last minute things we hadn't thought about.
We
enjoyed it. It gave him and me a chance to be alone for a few
minutes.
He was having a ball."I hate to bring
up bad things, but that call from Harry a couple of nights ago was
about
a meeting I must attend in Los Angeles day after tomorrow. I'm
afraid I
only have one more day to visit. I need to catch a flight out by
tomorrow night."
"Hell, Master,
I'm just so grateful for the time we've had together that ain't bad
news. You've been so generous with your time and gifts with
us. We all
love you. I'll make arrangements with dad so I can take you to
San
Antonio tomorrow afternoon."
Ben ate like a
condemned man and Christmas dinner would be his last. My dad
thought it
was wonderful and kept passing Ben the bowls. I kept telling him
there
was dessert, but that didn't slow him down. He ate two desserts
as
well. Women love any man who really enjoys their cooking. I
asked Ben
if I could reveal his true identity to the assembled since tomorrow
would be his last day and he agreed. At the table, over coffee
and
dessert I asked Louise if she would like to tell her story of
confronting me in the diner. She smiled, winked at me and began."Well, I know'd
this handsome man weren't no friend of Billy's from Los Angeles, right
away.” she slyly winked at Ben and he laughed, “Besides, Billy'n me,—
we go back a long ways. Hell, me, Wilma Jo and him grew'd up
together. We's in the same class all through school. He
never could keep no secrets
from me'n Willma Jo. We used to back him into a corner and tickle
him until he agreed to tell us ever'thing." she and Wilma
giggled, "I just put two and two together and
confronted Billy the first
day I met Ben."
Ben, me, Dad,
Lester and Uncle Joe were laughing with Louise. Suzie still
hadn't put
it together. Phil and Wilma Jo were clueless. I told Aunt
Laura, but
she would have died before she told a soul. She was laughing as
Louise
told her story.
"Well, who is he
then, Louise?" asked Suzie frustrated.
"He's the
Prince, honey!" Suzie looked at Ben and me, and I nodded my head with a
smile.
"Well, I'll be
damned," said big Phil. "Hell, he sits a good horse for a Prince.
I
just thought he was one of your rodeo buddies from California."
"Me, too." said
Wilma Jo, "I hope you've enjoyed your visit, Ben. We've been real
glad
to have you with us."
"You folks don't
know what it's like being in my position. I apologize for the
deception, but these good folk, whom I now consider family, gave me a
chance to relax, be myself and enjoy your company without putting on
airs. I haven't enjoyed myself and had so much fun with a group
of
people in years. I love you all
for letting
me be me,— for your kindness, graciousness, and welcoming me into your
lives. Thanks, Louise for keeping my secret." Everyone was silent
but
there wasn't a dry eye in the room. My dad broke the silence.
"Ben, you're my
son now, same's Billy. If you ever need us or need a place to
escape
to, our doors are always open to you. Never feel you have to ask,
Son,—
just come on home. We've come to love you in this last week and
you've
contributed so much to our happiness this Christmas, that alone is your
single greatest gift to us." Dad got up and walked over to Ben.
Ben
stood and dad hugged him. Everyone applauded as Ben broke down in
my
dad's big arms. I know how he felt, my old man had a way about
him.The phone rang
and dad went to answer it. I thought it was probably Red.
Dad came back
with a big smile on his face.
"It's for you,
Cowboy." was all he said.
"Who is it,
Dad?" I asked warily.
"It ain't Red,
Son— go on— answer it."
"Hello." There
was an ominous, calculated silence on the other end of the line.
"When — I —
get — my — hands on you, Cowboy, I'm gonna' turn you across my knee
and not let you up 'til you holler 'calf rope'" I recognized the deep
voice of my cowboy in Glen Rose, Leon. I started laughing and
couldn't
stop.
"You promise?" I
asked laughing. "'Cause don't go gettin' my hopes all built up if'n you
don't mean it." he was laughing on the other end.
"I damn well
mean it, you little shit! Cowboy,— that has to be the nicest,
most
wonderful, Christmas gift I ever received. Walker and Xander
rolled
it out of their garage this morning and gave me your card. I hope
you're happy, I almost messed my pants. Walker and Xander
couldn't stop
laughing at me." He roaded with laughter. I couldn't stop
laughing at Leon.
"Do you like it,
Cowboy?" I ask him shyly.
"Do I like
it?
No,— I fuck'n love it! All the way down to the leather saddle
bags
Walker said you insisted on so's I wouldn't forget I'm a cowboy,— your
cowboy."
I was still laughing. Leon never said too much, but he was
letting me have it. I loved it! It was worth every damn
penny to buy
him that bike just to hear such joy in his voice.
"When are we
gonna' get to see you, Cowboy? I have more than a spanking to
give you,
Son." he laughed.
"I have a friend
visiting the family for Christmas and I have to take him to the airport
in San Antonio tomorrow afternoon. I'll come home, hop on the
bike and
I can be in Glen Rose tomorrow morning late if'n that's all right with
you and Walker."
"No, wait until
the next morning to start out. I don't want you on the roads over
the
holidays at night. I'd worry myself sick until you got
here. Wait until
the next morning early." Leon insisted.
"Okay, Cowboy,
I'll see you good folks day after tomorrow. Love you, Cowboy, and
Merry
Christmas. Give my love to the two fine men who live in the big
house.
They were so wonderful to do that for me; tell them I really appreciate
it and Merry Christmas."
"I will and I
love you, too, you little shit. Ride safe,— you don't wanna' be
late
for your spanking." Leon was enjoying himself and laughed hardy.
"I'll be there
and take it like a man, Cowboy, I deserve it! Besides that— damn
it—
I need it." I whinged. He laughed as he hung up.
It was the day
after Christmas and Ben could only get a flight out to Los Angeles that
left at noon. We got up early and the whole damn family wanted to
go
with us to the airport. Dad, Uncle Joe, Lester, me and Ben piled
into
dad's big Bronco and headed for San Antonio. Ben was quiet most
of the
way. We didn't take the back way through the hill country.
We took a
more direct route to San Antonio. We got Ben to the airport an
hour
before his flight left. He wanted us to go on back, but we
weren't
about to. My dad wasn't about to leave him to wait alone.
He was
upset Ben was leaving. Dad didn't say anything, but he really
meant
what he said Christmas. He came to think of Ben as a another son,
his second
son,
and it made me feel good. They called Ben's plane to depart for
Los
Angeles. Dad was the last to say his goodbyes, and he took Ben
into his
big arms.
"Ben, don't be a
stranger. Even if the cowboy ain't in Mason and you need to get
away,
give us a call, and we'll be here to pick you up. You can go and
do or
hide out there at the house. No one has to know you're
there. None of
our town folk would say a word. They've all come to love you, and
you'd
be safer with us than in your own country." Master Ben got tears in his
eyes again as he spoke to my dad.
"I will,
Dad.
Now I know how Cowboy feels when he talks about having more than one
dad to love and how wonderful a feeling it can be. You have been
wonderful to me, giving, caring and accepting me into your
family. I
love you, Dad."
"God, I love
you, too, Son." My old man hugged Ben tight before he had to walk up
the ramp to the plane. He turned, smiled and waved. We
watched Ben's
plane leave, and we headed back to Mason. It was a quiet
ride. Even old
Lester was a bit down in the mouth.
"That man has a
way of growing on ya,' don't he?" Lester kinda sighed. Everyone
was
silent for a moment.
"He sure does,
Lester,— he sure does." I answered for all of us."Dad, how long a
trip is it to Glen Rose from Mason? Two hours? Four?" I
asked Dad.
"I'd say it's
about a four hour trip, maybe more, wouldn't you, Joe?"
"Yeah, about
that. Four to six." Uncle Joe confirmed.
"I want to take
off early tomorrow morning to visit the Johnson Ranch."
"We enjoyed our
visit with Walker, Xander and Leon when we went to get Dolly and
Madison. Best steaks I ever et, right Joe?"
"They were damn
good, Son. By the way, that Leon is one mean looking hombre."
"Yeah, I know."
I said smiling sweetly. They all laughed knowing exactly what I
meant.
"Was that him on
the phone yesterday, Son?"
"Yes, Sir, he
called to thank me for his Christmas gift."
"Wha'd 'ju give
'em?" Dad asked.
"A new
Harley-Davidson. A full dress hog."
"Shit, I'd a'
called you, too." Dad laughed.
"Hell, I'd a'
called ju’ Santa Clause." said Lester. We all laughed.
"Yeah,— told me
he was gonna' turn me over his knee and spank me good."
"Joe seems to
enjoy that ever now and then." Dad whooped. Lester roared.
Uncle Joe
just blushed a deep red color. Poor Uncle Joe, for all the shit
my old man gave him, dad
really loved him. Uncle Joe took the cue and let me be alone with
dad
that night. I didn't know if I was going to be back this way for
a
while and wanted to spend the rest of the holidays with the folks at
Johnson Ranch. They all were so damn good to me this last
year.
Besides, I needed my cowboy.I pleasured my
old man that night until he swore his damn dick was going to fall
off.
I turned that old son of a bitch every way but loose. I was like
a
fucking octopus. Every time he even looked like he was thinking
about
getting out of bed he found another tentacle ready to pull him back
in.
He had to admit though, he got some of the best ass fucking from his
kid he ever got in his life. He was hot, horny and ready for some
boy
butt. I liked my new sober dad. He had the stamina of a
Brahma
bull. He
fucked me three times that night and I sucked him off twice. It
was
like we were storing up for winter. We both felt the same
way. We
didn't know where life would take me next or how long it would be
before we were together again. We were sucking up each other's
love
like two camels drinking at an oasis.
We got up early
the next morning, and I decided to take my family to breakfast at the
diner to say goodbye. I called Phil and Wilma Jo to join us and
Aunt
Laura. She declined, told me goodbye on the phone and thanked
me for
my Christmas gift. I thanked her for mine. We had a
wonderful time at
breakfast. Phil and Wilma Jo were sad to see me go, but they knew
I'd
be back. Louise and Suzie were in tears. Everyone seemed to
know Billy
was leaving this morning and everyone had to hug me and wish me well.
Shirley Grimes,
her husband Kurt, Pastor Mc Cree and his wife June came down to the
diner to have breakfast and say goodbye. It felt wonderful to be
loved
by a large number of folks in my community. Dad was so proud
everyone
thought enough of the Gunn family to come wish me well. Of course
it
got all over town my friend Ben was that "Prince" fellow whose life I'd
saved. "He sure was a nice fellow." they all allowed.
It was a balmy
morning when I pulled out of Mason on my bike. It was fairly warm
and
sunny, but there was still a winter chill in the air. Good
weather to
wear all your heavy leathers to keep you warm. I loved my
leathers.
There was something about them that kept my dick hard most of the
time.
Maybe, it was because the beast loved to fuck me while I was wearing
them. I couldn't get comfortable on the bike on the way to Glen
Rose.
Every time I moved, my sore asshole would complain. I'd just
smile to
myself remembering,— then I'd get a roaring hard-on thinking about my
old man up there inside of me root'n around for all he's worth. I
pulled off on a lonely stretch of road behind a billboard and jacked
off, my old ass was twitching so bad.
When my old man
fucked me, I stayed fucked for several days. It's a wonder I
could
walk, let alone ride the damn bike. I got back on my bike,
started off,
hit another huge bump, hurt my ass like Hell, and got another roaring
hard-on. What the fuck's wrong with me? T'weren't me!
It was that damn
good fucking my old man threw in me. I loved that old son of a
bitch
with all my heart. They don't make 'em no better'n my dad.
I'm proud to
wear his name. After that, I found myself heading for the bumpy
patches
in the road to keep that silly smile on my face.
I rolled into
Glen Rose about noon on a Thursday. I rode up in front of the
Johnson
Ranch and into the back. There was Leon's new Harley parked by
the
garages. Master Walker and Xander chose well. It was a
handsome bike;
made my dick hard. Hell, the crack of dawn would’ve made my dick
hard
that day. I parked by the side of it. Everyone came out of
the big
house to welcome me. Leon got to me first, grabbed me and spun me
around as he hugged me.
"Damn, it's good
to see you, Cowboy. You little turkey, I should turn you over my
knee
rye-cheer."
"Oh, please
wait, Stable Master, until I got my clothes off so's I can really
enjoy it." he kissed me instead.
"Cowboy!" Walker
held his arms open for me. "Damn, you look so much like Bud. I
know I
tell you that ever' damn time I see ya' but it never ceases to amaze
me. It takes my breath away."
"Me, too." said
Xander. He hugged and kissed me. "Great to see you again,
Cowboy.
Glad you could come spend some time with us."
I went in and
joined them for lunch prepared by a new French chef Walker hire,
Andre.' I caught them up on everything including
Ben
coming to spend Christmas with my family. They were wowed the
Prince
came to Texas to stay a week with us. I was tired of holding back
about
me and Red so I told them what he did to me. Walker was not
pleased.
"Booger has to
have something really bothering him for him to do something crazy like
that. He was so in love with you when you left for Vietnam and
searched
for you continuously for months after you got back. After that
night
you opened up to us, we learned what you lost and were trying to heal
from, I told Booger over and over to back off, be patient, give
the kid some time. He didn't listen,— he was sure he could help
you. I
think my boy, Wes, finally got through to him. We were all glad
to hear
you two finally got together and hoped everything would work out.
Then
we saw you and his picture in the papers when you saved the Arab
Prince's life. We were worried about you because of all the blood
on you. We could tell you were holding the other guy's wound, but
it
looked like he was more hurt than you. We called your dad and he
said
you were fine. We were so damn proud of you, Billy.
I'm not real
happy to hear this about Red, though. He shouldn't have treated
you
that way. It's not considered proper in our family for one master
to
judge another master unless one of them has done something that is so
blatantly wrong. I don't know how many times Red told us and
others if
you would only be his slave he wouldn't need anyone else. His
timing
couldn't have been worse. You were just getting back on your feet
again learning to trust. There were periods around here we were
truly
worried about you. I think the turning point was the night you
stood
up and told everyone what you went through— what you lost— how we
all were lied to about what was going on over there. You started
opening up after that, and it seemed like you slowly began to
heal. We
were encouraged you were gonna' make it. Then you began to help
Wes and
that's when you really began to come around, by leaps and bounds.
Of
course, credit has to be given where credit is due. Our Stable
Master,
here, for all his silence is a damn good listener."
"I wouldn't have
made it if it hadn't a' been for you good folks and Leon." I said
quietly,
"Maybe my Christmas gift was a bit extravagant, but damn it, Leon,— I
wanted to do something special for someone who loved me enough to stop
and listen. You did, by the hour, 'til I almost drove you
nuts. That
Harley's only a token of my debt to you."
"Com'mere!" was
all Leon said, and I went to his big arms for him to hold me
close. He
put his big hand on my head and held it next to his heart as he
embraced me. Then he gently kissed me on top of my head.
I showed them
the ring Ben's dad gave me. Walker got the vapors and almost
fainted.
He knew good jewelry and knew immediately what it was worth.
"Your dad told
me about the ring, but fuck,— the stone alone is worth a million and a
quarter, Cowboy,— maybe more." he said, "You really shouldn't be
carrying that around with you. It should be in a bank vault."
"Who would
believe it was real on a biker bum?" I asked him.
"Someone who
knows good jewelry, Son, and there are a lot of people out there who
do, trust me." he made me think. "By the way, Red's called here
about
a dozen times asking if we heard from you. We hadn't. I
told him
the
truth, but I knew exactly where you were. I didn't tell him,
though."
"How'd ju' know,
Master Walker?"
"I know who I'd
run to if I had a dad like yours." He winked at Xander and they both
laughed.
"I'll second
that, Cowboy. What a fucking hunk your old man is and his
partner, your
Uncle Joe, is drop dead, good looking. Two fine looking cowboys."
Xander raved.
"Yeah, they came
to pick up Dolly and Madison a couple of months ago and ended up
staying with us several nights. We really enjoyed getting to know
them;
they were great company. Your dad can tell some of the funniest
damn
stories. You could've left Dolly and Madison here. They
were fine and
Leon was taking good care of them. Hell, you sent us money to
take care
of 'em but your dad wanted to take them to Tucson to Dan Yates.
We
didn't try'n stop him 'cause we felt he was your dad and had your
blessing."
"Well, I
expressed to dad I felt kinda bad dumping them on you even thought I
sent money for their care. I guess he took that to mean I'd like
them
elsewhere. Dan Yates, my dad and Uncle Joe have become great
friends
and have been visiting back and forth. Dan's been teaching my
major
competitors some excellent roping tricks. I'm glad they became
friends. Dan needs the friendship and comradery dad and Uncle Joe
can
provide, but as a result, Dad and Uncle Joe have gotten so good at
roping they
waxed me and my partner, Phil Roamer's ass at our last two rodeos." the
three of them laughed, "I know Dan would love to have Dolly and
Madison, so maybe it's for the best. It makes it awkward for me
not being
able
to see Dan because of Red."
I spent the
afternoon helping Leon clean out the stalls in the barn. It felt
good
to get outdoors and do some hard work again. We didn't talk much
but
there was a flow that went back and forth between us that said
volumes.
Every now and then he pretended to stumble into me, and I'd catch him
to
steady him. Of course he'd have to hold me in his big arms for a
few
minutes, hug and kiss me to thank me. He didn't fool me for a
minute.
Walker cooked
steaks on the grill by the pool. We ate inside because it was
still
damn cold at night. Those steaks sure warmed me up. Walker
handed me
the key to my old apartment over the garage.
"We haven't
moved a thing. It's just like you left it. I don't think
anyone's been
in there but Xander to clean it yesterday."
"Thanks, Master
Walker, I'll throw my things in there, but I's a' hoping I might
get me an invite to bunk it in with the Stable Master tonight.
It's
a cold
night and he looks meaner than I remember. Maybe someone to keep
him
warm tonight might make him look a little more mellow tomorrow." Leon
reached over with his big paw and wrapped his arm around my neck and
pulled me to him.
"Sure sounds
good to this old cowboy, I'll tell you." We finished dinner, and I
helped Xander clean up afterward. It was like old times being
back on
the Walker Ranch. I came to think on it as my second
home. Walker,
Xander and even Leon were so damn comfortable to be around. They
treated
me like family.
"What should I
tell Red if he calls here again, Billy?"
"I'm tired of
running, Master Walker. I wasn't the one that shit on him.
I don't feel
guilty. I have to get back together with him, 'cause that's what
God
wants. I don't want Red to know that. Tell him the
truth. I'm here, and
with your permission, I'd like to stay through New Years."
"Stay longer
than that if ya'ount to, Son. You know you're welcome here, and
I know
the Stable Master would love to have your help."
"I don't want to
involve you good folks in Red's and my quarrel. I'm gonna' get
back on
the road shortly after New Years. Tell him not to show up here,
I'll
find him on down the road,— later. If he don't abide by my
wishes and
shows up here there's no chance of us riding together anymore. I
need
this time away from him, and he'll just have to cope with it."
"I don't think
that's too much to ask of him. He was way out of line. In
fact he told
the story much the same way you did, and he told me what a fool he was
to do that to you. I agreed with him. He said you begged
him not to
make you go with the other guy 'cause you only wanted him. He
knows and
admitted he told you the same thing when you got together. He's
so
ashamed of how he treated you, maybe this will be a lesson to
him.
Let's hope so. Do you still love him, Cowboy?" I was silent for a
long
time.
"T'weren't
silly,
Master, you just know the answer."
"Yeah! I do."
Walker agreed as he sighed deeply in understanding.
Leon and I were
getting ready to make the cold walk to his quarters over the stable
when the phone rang. It was Red. Walker answered the phone.
"Hello."
"Yeah, Red, he's
here. No, he's out in his apartment right now. We finished
dinner, he
was tired and went to bed. I don't think he wants to talk to you
yet,
anyway. No,— he just got here this afternoon. No, no, I
don't think
that would be a good idea right now, Red. No, Red, that would be
the
wrong thing to do. You can't force someone to love you, Red. Put
yourself in Billy's position. That kid has been through the
tortures of
the damned, to Hell and back, was just getting back on his feet,
reaching out, learning to trust again, gave you his love, dared to give
you his trust and you fucked over him. He paid your price, Red,
to ride
by your side as your slave. He didn't hold nothing back.
He's hurting
right now and needs to be with people who love and care about him."
Walker held the phone listening for a few minutes.
"I know you care
about him, but coming here is not the thing to do right
now. He
said to tell you he'll find you after the holidays sometime. If
you try
to come here and force the situation, I can guarantee you Cowboy will
never ride by your side again. Because he told me, Red, and I
can't blame him.
Now you're not
making any sense, Red. I don't want to be mean spirited, 'cause
you and
me, we go back a long way and been friends for years, but you're
not welcome here as long as Billy's here and this thing between you
ain't settled. If you try to come here, I won't let you see him,
do you
understand? No,— he told me to tell you he was here. He
didn't want me
to lie to you. He's tired of running and hiding for something he
didn't
do. I, for one, am disappointed with you, Red. I've never
known you to do
something like that,— to blatantly hurt another person.
What do you
mean, you didn't think he'd care that much? He loves you, you dip
shit!
You don't do something like that to somebody you love unless you wanna'
take a major chance of losing them. Then if you do lose 'em— well
hey— it was your choice to take the gamble. He walked out
because you hurt him, Booger. To have a kid that damn good
looking,
devoted to you, love you, trust you, ride by your side, and be faithful
to you, is the dream of almost every scoot bum out there.If nothing else,
Red, have you considered that kid is only one year older than the legal
age for drinking and you just expect him to understand something an
older mature person might. Red, you're damn near thirty years
older
than that kid. You're not dealing with a fully trained, mature,
seasoned slave who could accept that kind of shit as his master's
right. He ain't been out there in the world long enough to
understand
that. Besides you were the one who set the relationship up as one on
one."
Walker listened
for a while. "I know it! Yes! Yes! Red, Goddamn
it! Your acting more
immature than the kid. At least he had the common sense to get
away
from a situation he was uncomfortable with." Walker continued to
listen. "Look Red when everyone heard you got together we
were all
happy for you but I garan-damn-tee ya' I can name you nine men whose
faces I watched registered disappointment it wasn't them he chose to
love. They couldn't understand how it was ugly old Booger Red got
the
pick of the litter. If Cowboy gives you another chance you'll be
the
luckiest son of a bitch I done ever know'd. I know! I
know! I know! I
know, Red! Well, if you call tomorrow I'll tell you the same damn
thing,
but if you're sober, maybe you'll understand better. All right,
Red.
Okay! You, too. Goodbye." Master Walker hung up the phone
shaking his
head. "He's been drinking." was all he said. I went to Master
Walker
and hugged him.
"Thanks, Master
Walker, for caring about me. I feel good about telling him the
truth. I
don't think he'll come here. Red ain't stupid. He may be
hurting, but
he won't throw the baby out with the bath water. I don't think he
wants
to accept responsibility for what he did. I told him every tub
has to
sit on its on bottom."
Leon and I left
after saying goodnight to Master Walker and Xander. I grabbed my
bag
from my bike and walked with the Stable Master, arm in arm, in the
cold, still, night air to his quarters over the barn. It was
cold, bone
chillin' cold. We got inside and started up his little Franklin
heater
and in minutes the place was toasty. I started looking
around. He
rearranged a few things. He put up a big cork bulletin board and
filled
it with photos. All of them were of him and me, I never knew were
taken. They were great pictures. All taken by Xander with a
telephoto
lens. Xander has a fine camera with a zoom optic lens. He
took
pictures of us from far away, but we had no idea he was taking
them.
There were some great shots of Leon and I roughhousing, buck-ass naked
in the river holding each other, cleaning out the barn, digging post
holes, lying in the pasture, bare-ass, on a quilt to get some
sun.
There was several of Leon and I making love on a quilt we'd thrown in
the meadow.I remembered
that afternoon. It was a warm early spring day. We got our
chores done
early and had nothing on the docket to do that afternoon. We went
for a swim and laid out on an old patchwork quilt to dry and get some
sun. When I'm around Leon and we're working I'm all business, but
when
we were by ourselves I couldn't keep my hands off him. Not
necessarily
anything sexual, I just wanted to touch him. We were way down in
the
low pasture, and we knew we couldn't be seen by anyone. I started
rubbing his old back for him in the warm spring sun. He asked me
if I
was gonna' do the other side, too.
"Sure, roll
over, Cowboy." he did and had the biggest ole hard-on. I paid no
attention to it, but I started massaging his chest and working
down. I
worked around his groin and inner legs and on down to his feet. I
never
saw a man keep an erection that long in my life. The next thing I
knew
my legs were over my head, I was being ridden like he was the pony
express delivery man and he was late with the mail. Damn,— it
felt good
lying there in the warm sun getting fucked by his huge dick.He decided to
get creative and see how many different positions in which he could
fuck me. Every one of those positions were captured for posterity
by
Xander's telephoto lens. They were some hot pictures. I
loved them.
Then there were shots of us lying there afterward, my head resting on
his chest, his arm around me, me reaching up to give him a kiss.
Damn,—
it was two men in love sharing a wonderful moment with each
other.
There were other pictures of him and me on horseback riding together;
Leon and me roping in the arena; Leon and me kissing on horseback; on
and on,— They were hot, beautiful, and well done. There
wasn't a
bad picture in the bunch.
"Damn,
sweetheart, these be some fine pitchers." I said quietly. "I'm
impressed!"
"Didn't know how
you'd take to 'em, Cowboy."
"I love ever’
damn one of ‘em. It shows two men enjoying each other and
obviously
sharing love."
"I knew you'd
see that in the pictures same's I did. That's why I keep them up
there.
I look at them every night, and they make me happy." Leon took me in
his
arms and looked at me. "I still love you, ya' little shit!"
"I love you,
too, Cowboy, you'll always be my cowboy." I told him.
"Billy, I loved
my Christmas gift, but just having you here, in my arms, with the
thought of loving you tonight is the greatest gift you could a' brought
me." he kissed me gently but passionately. I responded in
kind. I spent
a night of bliss with my cowboy. He was better than I
remembered. I
lay in his arms afterward and again thanked God for friends like Master
Walker, Xander and Leon who I never had to worry about running to if I
needed them. I needed that week in the arms of my cowboy,
Leon.
There's
just something about recharging your broken spirit with those who love
you. It's like going to a pool and drinking deeply from the
waters of
life itself. They become your training wheels to get you back up
and
riding into the, sometimes harsh, reality of life. They help you
get back
on your horse after you've fallen off.
I worked my ass
off with Leon that week taking care of some projects around the ranch
that had been put off because it required more than two hands to get
them done. I certainly didn't mind. It was like the summer
I spent
there mending my spirit. We worked well together, and we made
love half
the night. It seemed the harder we worked the harder we
fucked. Leon
knew I couldn't stay, would probably never be his, but that wasn't
gonna' stop him from loving me while he could.
Master Walker
and I taught him to ride his bike. He set a good looking
bike. He
looked as hot on the bike as he did on a horse. He made one Hell
of a
mean looking, bad-ass biker. Master Walker, Xander and I couldn't
help
but laugh with each other how mean he looked on that damn bike.
He made
Brando look like a sissy. We took a couple of short runs here and
there
to get him used to the road, and he took to it like a natural. He
got to
really enjoy the feeling of that big bike under him. The
vibration
would make him hornier than a bull let loose in a pasture of fresh
heifers. I got the snot fucked out of me after those runs.
"Still glad you
bought me that beast?" he'd huff and puff as he was enjoying gettin'
some deep stuff in my ass.
"Best investment
I ever made in my life, Cowboy. Come on, fuck me harder, show me
how
you ride a Harley, stud." he had to stop fucking me he was laughing so
hard.
"You're no damn
good, Cowboy." he'd laugh, "That's why I love you so much. You're
my
kinda people." then he laughed harder and started fucking me again with
a
vengeance. He made it a good one for both of us. Thought I
was
going to start climbing the wall when he finally hit his and signaled
me to get mine. Never been so completely drained by anyone in my
life
as Leon could empty me. He claimed I did the same for him.
All I know
was by the time New Years rolled around I was buffed again from working
around the ranch and horny twenty-four/seven. Leon and I fit
together
like a hand in a glove. He claimed he'd never been hornier since
riding
that damn bike, and he loved it.
* * * * * * *
Red called
almost every day. He'd asked to talk with me, and Walker wouldn't
lie to him. Most
times, I wasn't available but when I was, I'd shake my head 'no' and
Walker would explain I wasn't ready to talk with him yet. Red
called New
Years eve, and I told Walker I'd speak with him.
"Howdy, Red!"
"Hey, Cowboy,
how 're you doing?"
"I'm okay,
Red.
How're you?"
"Miserable."
"Sorry to hear
that."
"Really?"
"You should have
stopped with 'Sorry to hear that,' Red." I laughed. He laughed
nervously.
"Awh, come on,
Cowboy, have a heart. I love you so Goddamn much I hurt when you
ain't
with me."
"Gee, Red,— the
last time I checked I do have a heart, but somehow, it got
broken.
Hard
to get a damaged heart working again, Red. You should know that."
"I do know
that.
What will it take to repair it? To patch things up between
us? I'll do
anything you want, anything you ask."
"Where are you
now?"
"Fort Worth, in
a cheap motel in hopes I can come see you."
"No, I don't
want to involve my loved ones in our problems, so call me the day after
New Year, January second, and I'll meet you somewhere on the road."
"Okay."
"But, Red,—”
"Yeah, Cowboy?"
"It ain't gonna'
be like it was. I may consent to ride and sleep with you, but I
ain't
calling you my master no more, and I ain't gonna' be your slave."
"Well, let's
take it one step at a time."
"You heard what
I said, Red. Don't even get it in your head I'm gonna' change my
mind,—
it won't happen. I won't trust you like that again, Red.
You once put
an ultimatum to me if I wanted you to be my master I had to meet your
price. I met your price, Red. I gave you everything you
wanted. You
told me then you never wanted to love anyone else but your handsome
young cowboy. Did you lie to me, Red? You insist on your
slave being
totally honest with you, but does that mean, as my master, you can
demand things of me you don't have to live up to as well. Talk
about
your worthless contracts. I'd say your word is worthless.
Do you deny
saying that to me, Red?"
"No, Cowboy,
you're right, I said it."
"You didn't send
me to slave training. I asked you to, but you felt I was a
natural
slave, who, with limited training from you would be all I needed.
That
was my master's decision. I let you make all our decisions, but
you
know what, Red, you never trained me to overlook you lying to me,
being deceitful, or fucking a pig with the same big penis I made love
to so
many times. Somehow, I doubt seriously slave training is about a
slave
overlooking his master throwing all his trust out the window in one
stupid action. Trust is a two way street, Red. We'll see if
you really
care enough to meet my price. Take it or leave it is, I believe,
the way you put it to me."
"Just gimme' a
chance, Billy,--- it's all I ask."
"Okay, I'll give
you a chance." I said resolutely, "Give me a call the day after New
Years day, and we'll talk."
"I love you,
Cowboy."
"Yeah, well,
we'll see. Bye, Red." I hung up the phone.
"Bravo!" said
Master Walker echoed by Xander. "Couldn't have put it to him better
myself, Cowboy. You didn't leave yourself open, and you gave him
just
enough. Good for you, kid."
"Why do I feel
so empty inside? I wanted to scream at him, 'I love you, you big,
ugly, son of a bitch, why did you do that to me?' Then I realized there
was no answer that would make me feel any better. He chose to do
it, we
both have to deal with it, but I don't have to sell my soul for his
stupid mistake. If I let it be like it was, it'll say to him he
can get
away with doing it again to me."
"You feel empty
'cause the son of a bitch ripped your heart out, and now he wants
everything back just the way it was. He knows it can't and won't
be
that way,— he's frustrated as Hell. He ain't ready to accept the
fact
he fucked up, and has to accept the consequences; there will have to be
adjustments on his part. You're not ready to give him the same
trust he
enjoyed, and we can't blame you. Look, if he gets too tough to
deal
with, you're always welcome to run back to us, and I'll damn well see
to it he don't bother you until this thing blows over between you."
"I appreciate
that Master Walker, and I just might if I need to, but I'm hoping it
won't come to that. Buck told me in a dream I had to ride with
Red for
some reason, and that's good enough for me. Buck told me it
wasn't his
idea. God wants me to be with Booger for some reason. Buck
didn't know
the reason, but said they would reveal it to me later. Maybe this
separation will mellow him, and I can ride with him as a buddy." They
looked at me, and each raised an eyebrow, to which I started laughing
at my own naivete.
"Yeah, who am I
kidding?" we all laughed. “Hell, the reason I agreed to become Red’s
slave is because he had a verbal contract with me before I went to Nam
and because I felt like I needed his control in my life. Even my
old man told me to take Booger for my master ‘cause he’d straighten my
ass
out. If I don’t let him be my master, I’ll be denying both
reasons. Truth is, Master Walker, I need him.”
“We know that,
Son. Even old Leon knows it.”
"Tell me, Master
Walker,— I accepted Red as my master and I understand a master should
have the right if he wants to fuck another slave. Should I have
over
looked it and swallowed my pride as a good slave? I tried to be a
good
slave to Red. I never denied him anything. I called him my
master and
showed him homage in front of our family and his biker buddies. I
serviced him every time he snapped his fingers. Course I ain't
saying
Red wasn't easy to serve. I loved every minute of serving that
big,
ugly animal. God, Master Walker, I love that man."
"Don't beat
yourself up, Cowboy. You followed your heart and got away from a
bad
situation. If he'd wanted to fuck the guy that bad he could've
talked
to you first, set it up so you knew he was gonna' do it. He
could’ve told you he expected you to be his good slave and ignore
it.
He didn't 'cause he knew you wouldn't go along with it. You're
not a
trained, imprinted slave. He can't expect that from you. He
took a
chance and fucked up. Furthermore, if you asked for training and
he
refused then it's up to him to train you the way he wants. You
gave him
the raw material. If he didn't train you to accept what rights a
master
has and how you should cope with it, then he's wrong. I can only
compare my own situation.
Zander was put
through training. I think it's a mistake for a master to try and
train
their own slave. It should be done by a third party with limited
ties
with both the slave and master. I have never gone behind my
slave's
back to have sex with another man. Most times I include him, or I
string him up and make him watch. Your Uncle Bud used to love to
fuck
Xander, and I loved to watch him. I think, only one time in all
these
years, I went with someone I didn't include my slave, but still, I was
up front, and told him I was going to do it. Then after I
did, I
felt worse about it than he did. He ended up consoling me. Don't
be too
hard on yourself, Cowboy. You're a good kid, and it's only
natural
these
things should run through your head."
Master Walker
was planning a small New Year's eve party, and naturally Leon and I
were invited. Some of their friends from Ft. Worth-Dallas area
were
driving to Glen Rose. Leon and I got dressed up in our best
cowboy
duds, and arrived shortly after all the other guests arrived. I
had Western clothes spread all over the Southwestern United
States. It was
early evening, and the sun already set. All the guests arrived, I
thought. Another truck pulled into the lot in front of the
house. I
didn't look to see who it was. The door bell rang, and Master
Walker
asked if I would get it. I was glad to help out, and went to
answer the
door. There stood two of the best looking, hottest cowboys I
ever
saw. It was my old man and my Uncle Joe. They drove up for the
evening, and to stay the night with Walker and Xander. Hell, they
had
plenty of room. They could even stay in my place, because I was
staying
with my cowboy.
Leon and I wore
matching Western shirts; a touch that didn't go uncommented on by the
randy group of men. My dad and Uncle Joe were in a party mood,
but I
never saw them take a drink. They were sober when they arrived,
and
they were sober at midnight. I was so impressed when my old man
came to
kiss me a Happy New Year, I got emotional.
"I'm so proud of
you and Uncle Joe." I whispered to him.
"For what, Son?"
"Being
sober. I
really like my new sober dad and uncle."
"Well, thanks,
Son. So do we. We don't fight no more. We have better
sex. We're better
ropers,— or do I need to remind you?"
"Uuuhh No.
Been
there, done that; you won, fair and square."
I told him about
my ride to Glen Rose, and having to stop behind a billboard.
Thought my
old man would bust a gut laughing. He thought that was the
funniest
damn story he heard in years.
"Glad to know I
did you some good, Son." he said wiping his tears of laughter away.
"You certainly
did, Dad,— you certainly did."
"I'll just bet
that mean-ass looking cowboy's been doing you some good. Is
he
really as mean as he looks?"
"Meaner, Dad,—
much meaner. He's baaad to the bone!" we laughed together.
He got my drift. "Funny
thing is, Dad, Leon is probably one of the sweetest men you ever
wanna' meet— that is— until you crawl into bed with him, then he
changes into a dangerous animal. Much like you, come to think of
it." I
had my old man laughing so hard I thought he was going to have apoplexy.
My dad wanted to
see my Christmas gift to Leon, and quite a few of the guests made the
trip to Master Walker's garage to see his new Harley. Leon was so
proud
of his new bike. He was quiet, but you could see the way he
touched it,
it was special to him. I shared with dad how Leon was my
rock. How
he listened by the hour to any shit or thought that came into my
head.
He was my hero. There was no gift that could repay him in my mind. The
Harley was only a token of my appreciation. Dad told me later he
thought I
done
a good thing. He approved; he was proud of me.
It was a great
New Year's eve party, and Leon and I stayed close to each other.
He
knew I'd be leaving in a couple days, and wanted to feel as close as he
could. I wanted him close to me as well. I loved the
attention. He
loved having me on his arm at the party, and I catered to him like he
was the most important man in the world. He and I talked quietly,
and
left shortly after midnight to go have our own private rodeo in his
quarters over the stables. We said our goodbyes to the hoots and
hollers of all assembled,
"Y'all have fun,
now, ya' hear."
"Leon, may I ask
a favor." I asked him before we left.
"What's that,
Cowboy."
"Would you be
embarrassed, or would you mind if ask my dad and Uncle Joe to walk back
with us to see the pictures. Then I'll kick their butts out to be
alone
with you."
"No, I love
them pictures. I'm proud of 'em. I wouldn't mind sharing
with your dad
and uncle."
I told dad, Leon
and I had something to show him and Uncle Joe in Leon's apartment over
the stables. It wouldn't take but a minute then they could return
and rejoin the party. He agreed and motioned to Uncle Joe.
Then he
mentioned to Walker he and Joe were going to walk us out to the stables
to see something. Walker knew what I was going to show him,
smiled and
winked at Leon and me. We walked back to the stables climbed the
stairs
on the back to Leon's apartment. Leon banked the coals in his
heater and it started up right away to warm the place.We no sooner
walked in than dad and Uncle Joe headed for the picture board
and started 'ooing' and 'aaing' over them.
"I thought you'd
like them."
"They're fucking
fantastic, guys. Thanks Leon for allowing us to come out to see
them."
Dad said.
"Shit,
Cowboy! These are the greatest pictures I've seen in a
while. I hate to
say something stupid, but I can't help it. These are pictures of
two
people who love each other very much. It comes through. Who
took
these?" asked Uncle Joe. That was a lot for Uncle Joe to express
himself that way. I was glad to see him doing it.
"Xander!" Leon
said. "Telephoto lens. We had no idea he was taking them.
He was
terribly apologetic when Walker made him show 'em to me. I loved
them
and asked for my own set."
"Would you guys
have a problem if I asked him for a set for us? We think they're
beautiful." asked my dad.
"I wouldn't
care. You're welcome to 'em, Mr. Gunn. How about you,
Cowboy?"
"Oh, Hell,
no!
I'm as proud of 'em as your are, Cowboy." I told Leon.
Dad and Uncle
Joe thanked Leon for allowing them to come see the pictures, then
hugged and kissed me goodnight. Dad turned to Leon on the way out.
"Tear off a big
ole piece of cowboy butt for me, Leon." Leon started laughing and
assured
him he would. Leon was still laughing after they were gone.
"You have a
great dad, Cowboy. He's a funny man. Kept us laughing when
he and your
uncle came for Dolly and Madison. I'm almost jealous of you
growing up
with a man like your dad. Wish't my old man had been like
him.
My old man
was a withdrawn, sullen, bitter, old West Texas cowboy. You think
I'm
quiet? I'm a regular chatter box compared to my old man. I
don't think he spoke
to me more'n a dozen times my whole life. My mother died when I
was
about ten years old, and I stayed with him. I couldn't go to
school
'cause he didn't have no money to buy me any clothes. The only
clothes
I had were throw away stuff from relatives or stuff the welfare people
gimme.' Most times we didn't have nothing to eat less’n I went
out and
shot something with his old rifle. I ended up taking care of him
until
I was old enough to leave. I withdrew into myself 'cause he never
had
nothing to say. I never said goodbye to him. One day I just
walked away
and never went back. I don't know to this day what happened to
him.
Don't much care. I used to care about what I could've had, but
that's
useless. I didn't have it, so what? You move on.
That's why I'm so
quiet today. I find most folks talk too much when they should be
listening a lot more."
"I love you,
Cowboy." I said to Leon, "I'm glad you know how to listen. You save my
life, Leon. Thank you for that."
"I know you got
obligations and responsibilities, but having you here with me this week
has meant more to me than you'll ever know, Cowboy. I was deeply
touched by your present, the sentiment in your card, but like I told
you the first night you got here, the best Christmas gift you could
ever bring me was yourself. I love you, too, Cowboy, I always
will."He hugged me, and
I broke down in his arms because I knew the pain in the big man's
heart; it was in mine, too. I was going to make damn sure our
last
couple of nights together were going to be permanently etched on both
our minds. The entire time I was there at the Johnson Ranch,
sleeping
in Leon's arms, I didn't have one flashback. He almost acted like
a
tranquilizer for my soul. Sometimes I wish it were meant for Leon
and me
to be together, but I knew in my heart it was not to be. He did,
too.
He was the one who told me when I was staying on the ranch
before. I
agreed with him when he told me, "Let's love each other while we can."
Leon and I crammed a lot of love into that week.
Leon and my
paths crossed many times over the years, and we always had the same gut
feeling for each other I never felt for any other man. We got
together many times after that for a night together and treasured every
one. I loved him then, and still love the man as much
today. Today, he
lives in an old miners cabin in the California desert with one of the
best men I've ever known. With Leon's permission I laid my soul
bare to
his slave about what his master meant to me, and told him I was so glad
he was with Leon. I'm happy for them. They're very much in
love. They
found their bliss
New Years Day we
were up early. We Rodeoed in Leon's bunk 'til late, but we slept
peacefully and felt good come morning. I did get to suck him off
in the
shower though, which sent him through the day with a smile on his
face; not to be missed by my dad and Uncle Joe. They got to talk
to
Leon some
and decided he was a fine man. Of course, Leon's opinion of me
went a
long way in that decision. Dad asked Walker and Xander for copies
of
the pictures Xander took. Xander handed an envelope to dad with a
set
of the pictures before they left. They left to go back to Mason
around
noon, and we said our goodbyes. I told them about talking to Red,
and I
was meeting him tomorrow. Dad didn't seem too upset. I
think he trusted
me to do the right thing. He set a good example for me as a
kid. Uncle
Joe offered a bit of sage advice.
"Don't live with
abuse, Son. You don't have to. If he ain't serious come on
home. He'll
have a Hell of a time finding you among the people who love you." I
hugged him and thanked him for taking care of my old man all these
years. I told him I loved him a lot. Uncle Joe got a little
emotional.
I spent the last
night with Leon, and once again we tried to cram as much love into a
brief period of time as we could. I knew I'd see Leon again, but
I
didn't know where or when. Buck liked him. He told me
so. He told me to
thank Leon for him for taking care of me. I did,— Leon looked at
me
funny and held me tight. He knew I wasn't kidding.
Red called the
ranch first thing early the next morning as we were having breakfast,
and Walker handed me the phone.
"Hey, Red."
"Hey, Cowboy,
have a good New Years?"
"Yeah, my dad
and Uncle Joe drove up from Mason, and stayed the night. It was a
great
surprise."
"Sounds like you
had fun."
"Yeah, it was
nice. What's up?"
"You wanna' meet
me somewhere?"
"No, just come
on by here, pick me up, and we'll take off together. I talked
with
Master Walker and Xander, and they said it would be all right."
"Great, I'll be
there in a couple of hours. See you then, Cowboy."
"Okay, Red."
"I love you,
Cowboy."
"Okay, Red, see
you when you get here. Bye." I hung up the phone.
Leon and I said
our goodbyes, and he left for the stables. He didn't want to be
around
when I took off with Red. I could understand 'cause I didn't want
to
have to wave goodbye. I loved him too much for that.Red arrived,
hugged and kissed me. I responded, but was not as warm as I
could've
been. He said 'Hello' to Walker and Xander, had a cup of coffee,
and
apologized to Walker for being drunk when he called. I had my
stuff on
my bike, and we took off. He wanted to know where I wanted to
go. I
told him I wanted to go to Los Angeles to visit Tim, Master Jeb and
Master Jim. I also wanted to visit with Wes and his new
Master. I don't
think Booger heard Master Earl bought Wes. I
couldn't
believe it when I heard the news. I was so happy for them.
Who ever
arranged that pair should get a gold medal. I'm sure it must have
been
Master Jeb. Walker and Xander couldn't have been happier for Wes.
They thought
Master Earl was tops in their book. So he was in all our
books. I once
spent an evening in his arms that summer at the ranch, and knew I
couldn't spend another. Not because he wasn't some of the finest,
most
loving sex I ever had,— I just knew myself well enough to know I would
have fallen head over heals in love with the man, and I had other
commitments.I didn't know
what the immediate future held for me with Red. I had an idea it
might
not be pleasant. I was hoping for the best but I was dreading the
worst.
End Chapter 12 ~
Booger Red & Cowboy Copyright
2004/2009 Waddie Greywolf All rights
reserved Mail to:
waddiebear@yahoo.com
Proofed: 07/011/09