Curtis Langtry,
my grandfather, was the nephew of Lillie Langtry of Judge Roy
Bean fame, the hanging judge of Langtry, Texas. While they never
met when he was alive, ole Roy fell in love with a picture of her
someone gave him. He built a theater in her honor and change the
name of the town he lived in to Langtry in her honor. When he
died he willed her one of his six-shooters that’s still in the Langtry
museum in New Jersey. She was a beautiful, talented woman with
dark violet eyes who captured the hearts of Europeans as well as her
own countrymen. She was mistress to Edward VII for many years and
was sometimes known as ‘The Jersey Lily.’
Granddad had
great plans for his oldest son. He taught him all he knew about
being a cowboy. He taught him to rope and ride at an early
age. My dad, Vincent, or Vince, was a damn good cowboy,
too. Granddad was bringing his youngest boy, Seth Quee, along as
well, but Seth just didn’t have the same natural talent for roping as
his older brother Vincent. Naturally, granddad was interested in
winning and would, most times, partner with his boy Vince. They
won a lot and granddad was a proud man.
You might think
showing one boy favoritism by pushing him harder in a sport than
another would be cause for major sibling rivalry. Not so with
Vince and Seth. Vince was a sensitive young man and could see how
it effected his younger brother. Vincent was also wise beyond his
years. Many said he had the soul of an old man behind his
eyes. He would compensate by spending as much time with his
younger brother as he could, practicing roping or anything Seth chose
to do.
Vincent spoiled
his little brother. He would never argue with him and if Vince
had something Seth wanted he would simply give it to him, no questions
ask. Curtis would marvel at the two boys bond with each other and
bragged his boys never fought. Of course they never fought, they
were too busy making love to each other. The boys developed a
bond between them early on that transcended and compensated for the
love they didn’t receive from their father. Sibling rivalry
became sibling revelry,— the very definition of incest. Although he
might have had a great, deep love for his boys Curtis Langtry was like
so many western men and was afraid to show any overt signs of affection
toward them. There was never a mention of being proud of them, a
pat on the back for a job well done, nor a quite moment between them
when he might simply tell them he loved them. Men just didn’t
tell other men they loved them!
“T’weren’t
natchrul!” Curtis would claim.
The boys grew up
never knowing exactly what their dad thought of them, and came to
depend on each other for the love and affection they weren’t getting
from him. Their mom died in child birth having Seth Quee and
Vincent was only two years old at the time. Neither boy could
remember their mom. A spinster sister came to live with Curtis
Langtry to help take care of the boys until they were of an age to take
care of themselves. Aunt Gertie was the only mom they ever knew.
Curtis Langtry
was a no nonsense, fundamentalist Christian, a rigid, upright,
stalwart, deacon of “The First Baptist Church of the Nazarine.” A
soldier of the cross, who saw everything he perceived as wrong or evil
in the world fully supported by his religion’s warped and distorted
views of ‘God’s holy word.’ Moral issues and values were only as
clearly defined as the latest rabid sermon by the preacher who
interpreted the scriptures for the less holy, the less learned of his
congregation, from fear and loathing of his own repressed sexuality;
backed up by a goodly shovel-full of hellfire and damnation rhetoric,—
a God-awful, demonic brew.
Even though the
book of Revelations reads like a love letter from Charles Manson,
Curtis believed every word as gospel. If the bible said
pluck out thine eye or cut off thine own hand if it offends thee,—
according to my dad, my granddad would. There were no gray
areas. There was no wiggle room. So it was, with him and
his two boys. His two most precious gifts any God might bestow
upon a man, he cast away from him in a moment of heated, rigid, false
religious piety.
After dad got my
mom pregnant at sixteen and granddad caught him with Bubba Swanzey
sucking each others’ dicks in his barn Curtis went ballistic. He
told my dad he wouldn’t be living under the same roof with ‘no
Goddamned sodomite’ and for his son to leave immediately. Dad
hadn’t even finished high school. He married my mother, joined
the Marines and was immediately shipped to Vietnam.
Dad’s younger
brother, my Uncle Seth, stuck up for my dad. He told my
grandfather he was being too hard on my dad, and if he couldn’t
understand the greater truth of Christ’s message, and find it in his
heart to forgive his brother, then he had to leave, too. Uncle
Seth explained to my granddad he was a bigger sodomite than my dad ever
thought he was. Uncle Seth told the old man he was the one who
talked my dad into sharing physical love with him.
Granddad ignored
Uncle Seth’s ultimatum. He probably figured he did wrong by my
dad, but he’d never admit it. Admitting you made a mistake or
might be wrong was a sign of weakness in a true western man; a chink in
the armor of a soldier of God. Unbeknownst to everyone, it damn
near ripped the old man’s guts out, but he knew in his heart it was
what God would’ve wanted him to do; however, whatever reward God might
have planned for him in a hereafter for denying his oldest son, Curtis
sure as hell didn’t want to lose his youngest,— his baby boy,— his last
son. He thought Uncle Seth was bluffing, he was making it all up
to get his dad to reconsider,— until one night, granddad found himself
roped and hog tied, with Uncle Seth sucking his ole dick like a new
born calf who just found its momma’s teat.
When my dad
related the story, he told me, “Uncle Seth was a’ suck’n his
dad’s cock like a Hoover vacuum cleaner possessed with a demonic
spirit. Uncle Seth didn’t stop, neither, when his old man called
him every dirty name he could think of and then invented a
couple. The old man threatened him with his life. He tried
to scare Uncle Seth by telling him his immortal soul would be damned to
a lake of fire for all eternity. The more he yelled and
complained the harder Uncle Seth kept on a’ sucking.”
Dad told me, it
was true,— Uncle Seth was a demon when it came to sucking dick.
Dad said he was sure he could smell the brimstone sometimes when he
shot a big load down his baby brother’s throat. Then dad would
throw back his handsome head and roar with laughter, sit there for a
minute thinking about his beloved brother and burst into tears for
their lost love.
The way dad
tells the story I must be an awful lot like my Uncle Seth. Dad
says I’m the ‘spit’n image’ of his baby brother except for my
dick. Dad swears and be’damns I got my dick from my
granddad. Dad laughingly told me, “Both Uncle Seth and you got
the ‘piggy’ gene.” I’ll admit, I do love to chow down on my old
man’s dick and he’s like that potato chip add on T.V., I can’t eat just
one. I guess it was the same way with my Uncle Seth. He
wasn’t satisfied with sucking granddad off once. I guess he
wanted to make damn sure he got his point across. (no pun intended)
He kept him tied
up half the night and sucked him off a couple more times before Bubba
came to pick him up. He wrote my dad a letter telling him all
about it in minute detail,— a ‘blow by blow’ description. (pun
intended) Dad gave me Uncle Seth’s letter as a keepsake after he
told me about my granddad.
* * * * * * *
Seth’s letter to
his older brother Vince in Vietnam. Langtry, Texas,
August 3, 1966
Dear bubba,
I went by to see
Francis the other day when dad sent me into town for feed. She's
really beginning to show, bubba. I have a feeling it's gonna' be
a really big baby. I sure hope it's a boy so’s I can have me a
nephew to spoil. Frances looks so happy and pretty. She
read me your last letter to her. We held hands and cried because
we miss you so much. I helped load some boxes on her old man's
truck she was taking to the bus station to send to her aunt in
California. She's leaving the end of this week to go out there to
live until you get back. I'll miss her. I think of Frances
as family now. I know you been sending her your letters to
me; however, after next week, send your letters for me to
Bubba. He'll get them to me. Bubba's a good man. I
know you love him as much as I do.
It seems like an
eternity since you came home from boot camp and you and Frances got
married. You looked so damn handsome in your uniform, and I was
so damn proud to be my big bubba's best man. Damn, bubba, I can't
tell you how proud of you I am. I'm just so sorry our old man
wouldn't swallow his pride and come to your wedding. I begged him
to, Vince. I got down on my knees, cried and begged the old son
of a bitch. I told him one day he'd be sorry he didn't. He
just ignored me.
I'm glad we had
time to get away together. I know your life after Nam is going to
be devoted to your family, and that's as it should be. I know we
talked, but bubba, I want you to know I ain't lost me a brother, I've
gained me a whole new family to love. Never fear your little brother's
gonna' get jealous or feel left out. I have no fear in my heart
you'd ever leave me out of your greater love. I know you too damn
well. It would never happen. You've proved it to me too
many times.
Well, bubba,—
you’re no longer alone in the world of the vanquished. Before you
hear any rumors from anyone else, I want you to hear about it from
me. One important thing I want to be clear about, Vince, is I
love you, brother, very much; however, my love for you or the love you
have for me wasn’t the reason I done what I done. What I did was
carefully thought out, planned, and was done for my own selfish reasons.
It’s been about
six months since you were shipped to Nam, but a couple of days ago, it
finally came to a head between our old man and me. I guess it all
came about because, in my heart I know the feelings we have for each
other are real, honest and form a deeper love than may be dreamed of in
our dad’s philosophy of life. I don’t give a good Goddamn what he
bases his crazed beliefs on, I know in my heart he’s wrong, and his
narrow minded rigidity has made him a cold, empty, barren vessel afraid
to love. He’s come to see any expression of love as an act of
perversion as defined by his sick sense of family values. Of what
virtue is his or any values if they have not love? Love by any
definition is still love.
In many ways,
brother, I guess we inherited his head-strong, stubborn streak.
You and I know how stubborn we both can be; me much more than
you. I suppose, I just wanted love from him the way we shared
love and felt for each other. I finally realized it was never
going to be. I made a decision, a decision I could live
with. No matter the consequences, I knew I could no longer live
with the frustration of having him in my life. Vince, don’t get
me wrong, it didn’t necessarily mean I wanted him to share physical
love with me the way we did. I was just so starved for any sign
of affection from him I would’ve settled for his arm around my
shoulders or a pat on the back telling me I was a good son, he loved
me, and he was proud of me. Do you ever remember him telling
either of us he loved us? I cant.
On the other
hand, to be completely honest, you know me well enough to know I
wouldn’t have said ‘no’ if he wanted physical love from me. You
know how I used to talk to you about how attracted to dad I was.
All the time you would tell me not to go there, our dad was not to be
fucked with! (I don’t think you intended any pun by that,
either.) You revealed to me your own attraction to him, but
stressed he would never understand, tolerate or entertain any such
ideas. I have a hard head, but it finally sunk in,— you were
right.
I guess I just
expected more from him. I damn sure know I wanted and needed more
from him than what we got. After he done what he done to you, I
came to realize, I was never going to get any affection from him.
I was never going to have even a modicum of the love I needed from
him. I also realized I transferred all my need to love him on to
you, and in effect, you became not only my brother but my surrogate dad
as well.
As my older
brother, you knew what I needed and what I was missing from dad.
I guess you figured you knew how much you missed those things, so you
were going to make damn sure I got them. You were empathetic and
understanding enough to provide those things for me. Hell,
you lied so many times and told the old man you done something I done
just so’s I wouldn’t have to suffer his wrath. I don’t think I
was a mean spirited kid, but I sure could get myself into some shit
sometimes.
I saw the way
other brothers treated their little brothers and knew you were
different. I loved you so much for always being there for me at
my worst times. You always treated me like I was more than just
your little brother. You treated me like I was your buddy, your
friend, but you never let me forget we were brothers, and as your
little brother, I was the most important person in the world to you.
You told me I
could share or tell you anything, but no matter how strange or bizarre
I might think it was, it would never change the love you have for
me. I knew I could tell you anything. I shared with you my
attraction to our dad and you shared the same with me. Now, I’m
sharing this with you. For your understanding, your love, and
many other things, my beloved brother, I will always love you and
remain grateful to you ‘til I breath my last, and hopefully, beyond
death. I truly believe love transcends the grave.
And now, for the
good part, my brother, depending on your point of view. I realize
there's a chance you might be disappointed with me for doing what I
done, but knowing your sense of humor and belief in ultimate, cosmic
retribution, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive and be,
perhaps, just a little bit proud of me. As for me, I have no
regrets. For once, I got what I needed, even if I had to take it
away from him. Oh, hell, why whitewash it? I stole the love
I needed from our father. Basically, Vince,— I raped our pa.
We were working
hard one hot afternoon this past summer mucking out horse stalls in the
barn. We were both hot and sweaty from our work and the harder we
worked the more I could smell his body. Vince, I can’t describe
the way his healthy, masculine smell made me feel. The effect
bypassed my brain completely and went directly to my dick. It
didn’t collect two hundred dollars for passing ‘Go’ on the way, neither.
We finished and
dad went in to clean up leaving me to put the tools away, feed and
water the ponies, and close up the barn. After feeding and
watering all the stock, I sat on a bail of hay, got my bandana out of
my pocket, took my hat off and wiped my face. I was filthy, but I
didn’t care. I smelled wonderful, and I could still smell dad’s
presence all around me. It was overpowering. Other than
you, I think it was the strongest sexual feeling I experienced, and I
think what made it so exciting was the idea it was forbidden. I
couldn’t have him. Or could I? Was this a metaphor?
Was my dad the forbidden fruit the bible speaks of?
I sat there with
a roaring hard-on for a few minute thinking about things. I
thought about you being over there; how mean dad was to you, and how
much I miss you. I thought about how lonely and frustrated I was
without you. Bubba let me lean on him some, but it just ain’t the
same as having my big bubba’s love. Then, I got to thinking about
how selfish dad was with his love, and how if anyone was going to love
me, I had to do it myself. So I pulled out my dick, and like so
many times before, began to jack off.
Something
clicked in my brain, Vince. It was as if a voice came to me and
said, “It’s always going to be like this the rest of your
life. Except for your brother, you’ll always be alone if you have
your dad in your life. He will never let go of you nor will he
ever allow you to be yourself and love as your brother taught
you. He knows not love.
He has never
loved himself and has little or no concept how to love others.
Better to take love from him, and in the process, no matter how he
might respond, show him your deepest need to love him. Don’t be
afraid of him or how he might respond. For now, it’s enough for
you to take what he steadfastly refuses to give. One day, he may
come to see your actions were as much for him as they were for you.
You know how he
will react. Hold your head high and accept his wrath with
maturity and dignity. Neither apologize for your actions nor ask
his forgiveness. Give neither credence nor dignity to his
accusations by attempting to argue with him. You will not
win. Remember the old saying, ‘There is no man so blind as
he who will not see, nor any man so deaf as he who will not hear.
He will simply
rationalize your attempt to show him love as coming from a sick,
perverted mind,— the very depths of demonic possession. He will
never accept, until perhaps later, your actions had any direct bearing
on his actions or lack thereof. Even though he may even actually
enjoy your expression of love he will never allow himself to admit or
accept it. However, I will promise you, he will never forget
it.” With that I returned my dick to my Wranglers and knew what I
had to do.
I returned to
the house with a couple of my ropes. I knew exactly what I was
going to do and how. It all played out in my mind like a
movie. I went to his room and found him getting ready for his
shower. He looked at me with the meanest look that I should dare
invade his privacy. He didn’t have a stitch on. He was
buck-ass naked. I can’t ever remember seeing our dad naked before
that night, can you?
Damnation,
brother, our old man’s got a cock on him bigger’n you and me put
together and neither one of us ain’t exactly what you’d call
small. Dad is hung just slightly smaller than a brama bull;
however, I think his balls might be just as big or maybe even a little
bigger. I couldn’t help lick my lips when I saw his dick,
neither. My mouth started watering, and he saw my look of lust
for him.
“What’s wrong,
boy? What the hell you doing coming in my bedroom without
knocking first? Ain’t cleaned myself. Ain’t dressed yet,
neither. Ain’t got no clothes on. Get chore’ ass out a’
here,— NOW, boy! I’ll deal with you later.” he barked at me.
Any other time I
would’ve jumped at one of his commands. Now, his indignation just
seemed amusing and out of place at the moment.
“Your shower can
wait, old man. ‘Sides,” I told him, “I want you a
little dirty.” I barked back at him.
I just smiled at
him, took my rope, tossed it around him and pulled it tight. I
guess he never should’ve taught us to be cowboys. He couldn’t
move his arms, I quickly looped it around him a couple more times
before I approached him and pushed him down across his bed. He
was cursing like a drunken sailor and flailing about with his legs
trying to get on his feet. I took my second rope and looped it
around his feet and cinched them together tight.
“What the hell
you think you’re doing, boy? You ain’t to big for me to give you
a good whuppin’! Why,— I’ll bust your butt for this! You
won’t be able to sit down to eat for a week or more when I get through
with you! How dare you do this to yore’ father!”
I didn’t
respond, I just whipped out a long strand of latigo from my back pocket
and bound his feet tight. I took another and bound his hands
behind his back. I took a third, pulled his legs up behind him
and bound them to his hands. Basically, I roped and hog tied our
old man. He was cursing at me like I was Satan himself and all
his religion was going to save him from what fate he could only imagine.
I looked in his
dresser and found a couple of clean bandanas. His ranting and
raving reached a fevered pitch I didn’t want to listen to
anymore. I sat beside him on the bed and laid my hand gently on
his hip. He was still foaming at the mouth for me to release him.
“Shuuuu!
Listen to me for a minute, Dad. I mean you no harm, and what I’ve
done is as much for you as for me.”
He started in
again. He made it clear he wasn’t going to listen to a word I had
to say.
“Goddamn it, old
man! I done told ju’ once to shut up and listen to me. I
ain’t a’ gonna’ tell you again! Now! Shut, the fuck, up and
listen to me for a minute; then, you can rant and rave all you
like. Ain’t a’ gonna’ do you no good, no how!” I yelled at
him at the top of my voice with more than a little anger. I guess
he finally decided he better shut up and listen to what I had to say.
“Now, I have
some things to do. We can do this easy or I can make it hard for
you. It’s up to you. If you continue mouthing off I’m
gonna’ gag you so’s I don’t have to listen to an endless stream of your
perverted religious crap. Whatever God or demon you pray to ain’t
a’ gonna’ save you from my love.”
He glared at me
with a dumbfounded look on his face from the dichotomy of my
words. I stopped to let what I said sink in. I guess he was
so accustomed to me jumping at his every command he thought he could
buffalo me and make me do it now.
“You listen to
me, boy! The minute I get loose, I’m call’n the sheriff to come
out here and arrest yore’ ass. I’m gonna’ have yore’ butt locked
away in the Gatesville reformatory for boys. ‘At’s where you
belong. Maybe they can teach you some respect.”
“Okay, Dad,
that’s enough,— I warned you.”
I took one of
the bandanas, and wadded it up in my hand. When he started in
again, I swiftly moved it to his mouth and firmly plugged it. I
took another piece of latigo and tied the gag in place behind his
head. Even with his mouth tightly gaged, he wouldn’t stop trying
to rave. I reached over and kissed him gently and lovingly on his
forehead. He stopped immediately and I saw a look in his eyes of
puzzlement, doubt and bewilderment. He knew I’d won and he was,
for all practical purposes, helpless and under my control.
Guess what,
brother? For all his protesting and threats his ole dick was as
hard as a raging, horny, slobbering bull in a pasture of fresh
heifers. Go figure? I wasn’t going to let that fact pass
him by. I wanted to make it perfectly clear I was in charge and I
knew he was, for whatever reason, turned on by it. I held his
gaze with my eyes as I slowly moved to his engorged dick.
I looked him
dead on in his eyes as I bent forward, blew my breath across it, then
lovingly kissed the head of his exposed cock. I still held his
gaze as I slipped my tongue into his piss slit and sucked up some of
his pre-come drooling from it. Then I ran my tongue around and
under his tight foreskin and cleaned him good. His eyes got
bigger and bigger and his whole body shuddered. I raised myself
from him still holding his gaze and smiled.
“Ummm,— Damn,
Dad! Your juices and bits under your skin are so good. Best
I ever tasted, Sir. Gonna’ get me some more of that in a few
minutes, but first I gotta’ go clean myself. I can’t offer myself
to my old man with a dirty body. It would be down right
disrespectful.”
He glared at me,
but I smiled back, winked and started to remove my clothes in front of
him. I took my time and made it into a strip show for our old
man. I didn’t do no sexy dancing. I just wanted him to see
me for who I was, fully naked in front of him. It must have
worked. His hard dick never went down the whole time. When
I finished I stood there in front of him and made him watch as I played
with myself until I was roaring hard.
“Try’n relax,
Dad.” I told him, “I’m gonna’ go clean myself and I’ll be
back as soon as I can.”
I knew he was
secure. I made sure of that when I tied him. I had no fear
of him getting loose. I went to my room and got my bag you taught
me to use to clean myself and went to his bathroom. I cleaned
myself completely, but I didn’t use any soap. I wanted the
natural smell of my body to stay with him as a memory. I wanted
it to haunt him the rest of his days. The voice in my head told
me he would remember my smell from that night and experience it again
one day in a very powerful way. When I returned I removed his gag.
“Now that you
know I’m serious, Dad, will you be quiet, cooperate and allow me to do
what I have to do? I promise, you won’t be harmed in anyway.”
His attitude
softened somewhat, but he still wanted to talk. Now, he wanted to
reason with me.
“Son,— please,—
you don’t wanna’ do this. Whatever you have in mind, I know I
ain’t gonna’ like it. Please,— just let me up. You’ve made
your point, and I got to think’n, maybe I haven’t been as right with
you and yore’ bother as I might have been. I’ll try’n make it up
to you, but if you go through with this you will be as dead to me as
yore’ shameful brother.”
“My brother
ain’t shameful, old man. Only you are ashamed of my brother,
Dad. I’m certainly not ashamed of Vince. I love my
brother. How can you be ashamed of someone for trying to show his
brother love? Him and Bubba weren’t hurt’n no one else.
Just because you condemn it, don’t make it so. Don’t bother me
with your empty arguments, Dad. I know them all by heart
and they don’t wash with me. They never did! They just
ain’t so.
I love my
brother. He taught me about love. Something you ain’t never
bothered to do. Kinda glad you didn’t or I’d be as fucked up and
empty as you are. Vince taught me what love is. He taught
me how to give and receive love. You were always too damn busy
preaching your own personal gospel of fear and hatred. I’m sorry, Dad,
I just can’t live like that no more. I don’t want to live in fear
of God, you or any other man for that matter. I want, with all my
heart, to love and respect you as a son should his father; however, you
have never allowed either of your sons to show you love, and you’ve
never, in all the years I’ve been your son, even once, told me you
loved me, I was a good boy, or you were proud of me.
Now,— since you
don’t choose to give me your love, I’m going to, at least for a while,
take what I need, and I’m going to try to give you my love. You
may think what you please as long as you’re quiet about it. At
this point I could care less about your perverse beliefs and your
gospel of fear and hatred. What has it ever gotten you but
regrets and loneliness? How much will you pay before you give up
such nonsense, learn the true meaning of Christ’s teachings, and what
God really means for us comes from the love in your heart. It
don’t come from no foam’n at the mouth, deranged little demagog of a
preacher who don’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. I can
only pray you’re not such a big fool you miss the point in what I hope
to accomplish here this evening.”
I watched his
eyes flare in anger.
“I’d be careful
if’n I was you how you talk about Jesus and our Lord. You already
are in danger of the fires of hell by looking upon your father’s
nakedness.”
“I’m sure you
probably wish that for me right now, Dad; however, let me say, if’n
it’s so, just being able to kiss the head of the dick what belongs to
the man who made me, whom I’ve admired and loved so long is gonna’ be
worth it. I dreamed so many nights of holding you in my arms and
telling you how much I love you. If I’m to burn forever in a lake
of fire at least I’ll have the memory of making love to you this
evening to quench my burning thirst for the love you could’ve but never
chose to give me.”
“Son, be
reasonable. Listen to me. I never could’ve loved you the
way yore’ brother did. I just ain’t that way. I never was
very good at telling anyone I loved them. Hell, I think I only
ever told yore’ ma I loved her a couple of times, but she knew it.”
“Maybe she
didn’t. I’ve heard it said she died young of a broken heart
within a loveless marriage. J’ever think maybe you could’ve
lightened her burden just a little by telling her you loved her?
You wouldn’t be laying here right now if’n you’d only told me once in a
while you cared about me. What you did to my brother is
reprehensible. I’ll never forgive you for that. You don’t
care about him or you never would’ve did what you done to him.
What is there to make me think you feel any more for me? You
don’t care about me. All your threats and thump’n your bible is
the surest way to watch my back as I walk out of your God forsaken
life.”
“Watch yore’
mouth, boy! My God would never forsake me!”
I laughed at him.
“He already
has. Think about it, old man,— if God is love, as you’ve told me
a hundred times, he sure as hell has forsaken you. You have no
love in your heart or your miserable life. You don’t love anyone
but yourself; however, maybe that’s a good thing because, after this
evening you won’t have anyone to love you anymore. You can wallow
in your own self-love. I have a feeling you’re gonna’ be loving
solo for a long time to come. No love, by your own definition,
means no God. I’d say you’re shit out of luck in the God
department, too.”
I undid his feet
one at a time. I remembered how hot our old man looked in his
cowboy boots and got his best, Sunday-go-to-meet’n pair, I used to keep
cleaned and shined for him, out of his closet. I found a clean
pair of his socks in his drawer, put them on and pulled his big boot on
afterward. I secured his left boot to the bottom of the bed and
then his left hand to the head. I repeated the action for his
right side until I had him spread-eagle on his back with his huge cock
sticking straight up like a tent pole.
The whole time I
was stretching him out he never said a word. I stepped back to
admire my work and smiled at him. Damn, bubba, our old man looked
hot just laying there naked with only his big ole boots on. I
kept pinching my butt to make sure I wasn’t having a wet dream.
He just continued to glare at me; however, I saw a glint of fear in his
eyes.
I reached for
the light switch and flipped it off. It was dark in the room
except for the moonlight coming though the open windows and a faint
trail of light coming from his bathroom. There was plenty ambient
light for me to see everything. I slowly crawled onto his bed
with him. I was going to take it slow. I wanted to enjoy
and savor the only time with my old man I figured I’d ever have.
I didn’t give a shit whether he enjoyed it or not, I was going to make
it memorable for me.
I gently laid my
head upon his huge chest, put one of my arms under him and my other
over him to hold him. Then I moved my body close to his so my
cock would be pressing into his side. I could feel his whole body
go rigid as I got comfortable holding him. How cold and
rejecting, I thought, to respond to your own flesh and blood that
way. I just lay there, relaxing, breathed deeply, and let out a
contented sigh. It was a message to him, I found great pleasure
and comfort holding him close to me. My message wasn’t
missed. After a few minutes, he began to relax having me hold him
like I was. His erection even got harder.
“Thanks,
Dad.” I spoke softly. I didn’t think he would respond, but
he did.
“What the hell
for? I ain’t got no choice in the matter as I sees it.”
“You’re right,—
you don’t, but yore’ body tells me a lot more’n your religiously
clouded mind would ever allow you to say to me.”
“Bullshit!”
was his response of choice.
“Maybe so, but
right now,— I’ve got my arms full of it.” I chuckled as I tickled
him. I even got a smirk of a smile out of him.
I lay there for
a few more minutes breathing in his essence. He still smelled of
his strong, masculine scent. It was stronger than usual because
of working all afternoon in the heat. He was like inhaling a
sexual experience. He smelled so damn good, Vince, I wanted to
eat him, bite by bite. Is part of passion the urge to consume the
object of our love? God knows I feasted on your body so many
times I began to think of you as my personal Eucharist,— my last
supper. However, within the same concept the thought of
cannibalism entered my head I opted for sucking all the good flavors
from his body.
I saw his left
nipple was getting hard. I’m sure it wasn’t standing that high
before I laid my head on his chest. I moved my head slightly and
flicked out my tongue at it. As soon as my tongue made contact,
dad winced. Bingo! I knew his tits were sensitive.
Vince, did you ever get to see our dad’s tits? Damn, they’re
big. They’re a perfect compliment to his cock. His tits are
huge. They gotta’ be two inches across and dark brown in
color. The tit part, in the middle, sticks out from his chest at
least five-eights of an inch and as much as three-quarters of an inch
when erect. Yes, they do get erect and hard; just like his dick.
I moved my head
up and began to gently suck on his tit. He never said a word, but
his breathing began to change. He wasn’t quite so hyper.
The more I sucked and gently chewed on his tit the bigger his cock grew
until it was almost at its fullest. Vince, I swear to God, our
dad has the biggest damn dick on a man I ever did see in my life.
If’n I didn’t know better, I’d swear he ain’t human. I didn’t
think it could grow any bigger, but hold on, big brother, it did.
While I was
sucking his beautiful tit I got me a good whiff of his armpits and
almost reached an orgasm. Remember that small brown bottle of
that yellow liquid stuff you and I played around with one summer.
You called it ‘poppers’ or something like that. The smell of his
pit had the same damn effect on me. It almost blew my head
off. I knew I had to taste them; however, I didn’t want to cheat
dad’s other tit. I ran my tongue across his hairy chest to his
other tit. Still, no comment from dad. I went to work on
his right tit, licking, sucking and gently chewing until I sucked most
of the good flavors out and it was erect as his other. I kept
gently rubbing his other tit with my left hand and it got harder and
harder.
I couldn’t stay
away from his pits any longer. I buried my face in his right pit
and just lay there for a while inhaling his essence. Damn, Vince,
our old man has a wonderfully powerful male odor. My dick was
raging hard as I moved closer to him so he could feel my erection
against his body. This time he didn’t tense up, but he did speak
to me.
“You’re sick,
boy. All this you been through about your brother has affected
you badly. Let me help you. Release me and we’ll get you
some help.”
I wasn’t about
to let him spoil my joy in being close to him.
“What you done
to my brother has nothing to do with what I’m doing. Is it sick
to want love from your dad who has starved you of his love all your
life? Maybe;— however, if I'm sick, whose fault is it? If
you don’t show your child the proper love he needs,— which, as I
see it, is any father's responsibility, and he becomes sick because of
your inaction, who then, is the sicker? Furthermore, if you think
enjoying smelling the essence of your body is sick, wait’ll you get a’
load of what I’m gonna’ do next.”
I didn’t wait
for a response, I just dived into his pit and started licking, sucking
and cleaning for all I was worth making ‘yummy’ sounds when I’d get a
particularly strong taste. I ‘ummed’ and ‘ooohed’ until I got
every good flavor I could from his right pit. Then, I moved to
his left one and proceeded to lavish it with my tongue and
attention. The whole time I was eating his pits I continued
rubbing his swollen and sensitive tits.
When I sucked
all the flavor out of his other pit I resumed my position next to him
with my arms around him, and once again, held him close. I
reached up and kissed him on his cheek. He tried to pull away,
but he wasn’t quick enough.
“I’ll warn you
next time before I try’n steal a kiss, Dad, so you can get ready to
reject my love for you again. God forbid you show your boy the
slightest encouragement for his honest attentions towards you.
Somehow, I seriously doubt God would forbid or condemn you for
returning a little of you son’s affection.”
“Honest,
hell! You call this honest? How honest are yore’ intentions
when you have me at your mercy?”
“Honest enough
to take from you what should’ve been freely given all these
years. The honesty of not letting you make me ashamed of showing
my love for you the way I choose. Would you wish me to take out
my honest, righteous indignation and anger for your inability to show
me love all these years and beat the shit out of you? Believe me,
in a moment of anger, the thought crossed my mind, but you don’t do
that sort of thing to someone you truly love. Just like you don’t
cut someone out of your life forever because they don’t share your
sick, perverted beliefs. Anger and hate ain’t the answer,
Dad. Love is the answer. That’s what Jesus tried to tell
folks, but you won’t listen to him.”
“You know
nothing about the bible, boy! The Devil has corrupted your
mind. You speak with his voice now. There is nothing I can
do for you unless you renounce him, release me, we’ll pray for the
forgiveness of your sins against yore’ father, and I’ll take you to a
minister who will help you cast off these perversions.”
“Nope!
Thanks for the offer, Dad, but after tonight you won't ever see me
again. I’m not really giving you the option of rejecting me like
you did my brother. I’m rejecting you. I’m walking out of
your sick life, and I have no plans to return. I would never be
foolish enough to contemplate trying to seek your love again. I
never got it all these years, what would ever make me think you 'd ever
change enough to show me love in the future? Why would I want to
let you put me through any more frustration or pain always wondering,
hoping, praying you'll finally wake up and love me? So, there’s
really no need for your prayers or the services of your minister.
Why would I want to live in your miserable world anymore? You
have no love in you. You can't love. You're an empty,
barren wasteland. You're miserable. Misery has become your
happiness. That's all you're comfortable with, and you want to
make damn sure everyone around you shares in your misery. The
Devil has more than your words, Dad,— he has your soul.” He didn’t
respond, but I figured I’d rested enough. I moved down between
his legs and began to clean between his powerful thighs with my
tongue. His body smells were as strong and powerful as he
is. I was so glad I intercepted him before he took his
shower. His fragrance and the taste from his body was like
ambrosia to me. I licked and cleaned beneath his bull balls and
finally took one completely in my mouth to suck on. I heard him
wince, but he didn’t say anything. I rolled his testicle around
in my mouth. I released it and began to kiss and make love to his
other ball. Finally I took it into my mouth and teased it around
as well. I closed my teeth gently around it and pulled on it
stretching it away from his body. He went rigid again somewhat
apprehensive I suppose; however, I immediately released my pressure and
let his ball slip from my mouth.
Finally I moved
further down between his legs and could smell the Earthy fragrance of
his hole. I was reeling with the emotions and smells of our
father’s body. I was so close to the prize I jacked off so many
nights dreaming of tasting. I slowly licked down, and I think he
realized what I planned to do.
“Seth, my son,—
please,— don’t do this.”
“I have to,
Dad. I have to show you how much I love you. Greater
love hath no son than he who would clean and make love to his father’s
hole.” I told him, not including the chapter and verse from the
gospel according to Seth.
I didn’t wait to
explain further or for a comment. I plunged into his depths and
began to tongue his sweet hole. Vince, nothing could’ve prepared
me for the ecstacy of eating our old man’s hole. I held my lips
strong against his hole and kissed him like I’d make love to a
lover. He couldn’t help but respond and it almost felt like he
was trying to kiss me back with his muscle. It only made me
respond more passionately. I kissed, licked and cleaned all
around his hole and then plunged my tongue as deeply into him as I
could to suck out all his Earthy flavors. I must have sucked on
his hole for thirty minutes or more. I didn’t stop until I felt
him writhing from the assault on his ass by my wet and slippery
tongue. He would never shout any words of encouragement to me,
but I didn’t have to ask if he was enjoying my attentions. He
whole body became a litmus,— like a dip stick on crank case. I
finally had my fill and moved back up to hold him again and
relax. He was unusually quite, but he was also considerably more
relaxed. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.
“Don’t,
Dad. Don’t say anything just yet. Please,— don’t spoil this
moment for me. It was so wonderful being able to be that intimate
with you, I just don’t care to hear anything negative you have to
say. To me, what I just did was as scared and holy to me as any
scripture you might think to quote. It’s too bad I have to go to
such extreme means to show you how much I truly love you; however, I
don’t see that as my fault.”
He didn’t try to
say any more.
I moved between
his legs again, but this time, I started making love to his enormous
cock. I kissed, licked and cleaned every inch of him. I
didn’t look directly at him, but could see him studying me as I made
love to his penis. Finally I took him in my mouth and tried to
take as much of him as I could. I couldn’t take much because of
his size; however, I remember some of the tricks you taught me, and I
began to relax my throat. The next thing I knew I was deep
fucking my throat with his big dick and it was taking its toll on our
dad. He was beginning to writhe under me, moaning and
groaning. It was beginning to feel a little more than just pretty
good to him. I knew he was getting close. I grabbed his
testicles with my right hand and began to pull them away from his body,
and that’s all it took. I made one huge lung and almost touched
his belly with my nose when I heard him call to me.
“Seth,— son,— I
can’t hold it no more, boy. I’m a’ gonna’ shoot in your
mouth! Oh, God,— forgive my son! He knows not what he does!”
He erupted in my
throat so much his come was spurting out my nose. I swallowed and
swallowed and still he kept coming. I moved back to the bulbous
head of his penis to receive the final few volleys of his male
fluid. He tasted more wonderful than I could ever imagine,
brother. I cleaned him up good with my tongue. I cleaned
out from under his considerable foreskin and got all his goodness from
there. I crawled back up to hold him again. I once again
took a deep breath and let it out with a contented sigh. “Thanks,
Dad.” I kissed him on his neck.
“Are you all
right, boy?” he asked in a concerned tone.
“Couldn’t be
better, Dad.” I smiled at him. “You taste much better than
I imagined. I will remember your fine taste, the essence of your
body, the seed that gave life to me’n my brother, the rest of my
life. I’ll jack off many times thinking about how much I enjoyed
pleasuring you this evening.”
Dad was quiet
for a long while, but I could feel his conflicting thoughts going
around in his head. How could anything that felt that good to him
be so wrong? Was his boy really trying to show him a greater
love? No! It was the work of the Devil and he’s controlling
my boy. End of worry! No need to ponder further.
“Son, I know you
mean well,— but,”
“Shut up,
Dad!” I barked at him. “Did I make you feel good,
pa?” I asked him more gently.
“It always feels
good to ejaculate my sperm.”
“That ain’t what
I asked you, Dad.”
He refused to
answer my question. There was no breaking down his barriers, and
I had only one trick left in my bag. My voice told me beyond
kissing and cleaning dad’s hole not to violate him there. That
would leave him feeling less than a man in his own eyes and that wasn’t
my purpose. My dad was my ideal of what a man should be, and I
worshiped him. I wouldn’t consider defiling my God. My
purpose was to offer him pleasure through my physical love for
him. It would be different if it was consensual; however, I had
him at my advantage. I couldn’t do that to our old man.
“Are you
finished with me?” he asked.
“Did mom ever
ask you that question, Dad?" I let that rest with him for a
moment. I felt his icy silence and knew I made my point.
"Not quite, Dad. I have a big finale planned.”
“You ain’t a’
planning on,— ?” His voice trailed off in fear. Afraid to even
complete his question.
“Of course not,
Dad. I’m not a barbarian. I couldn’t do that to you, for
cries sake, you’re my dad,— my father,— I love you. My love for
you boarders on worship, Dad, and I certainly would never consider
defiling someone I love as much as you. I would never disrespect
you in such a way. I realize you’ve not consented to any of this,
but that would be going beyond the realm of human decency.
However,— to take you into my body would be, for me at least, a supreme
act of giving.”
“Son, let it end
here,— all right? If you must hear it,— I love you. It felt
wonderful when you sucked me off. It was wrong, but to deny it
felt wonderful would be as much a sin as you sucking me off.
Damn, boy, what more do you want from me?”
“Nothing really,
Dad. I only want to give to you. You always drilled it into
us boys,— it's only by giving of one's self that one receives
love in return. Unfortunately, you never practiced what you
preached. I’ve gotten more love from you this evening than I ever
have. For that,— I’m truly grateful. I guess you might say,
I’m stocking up, Dad, for the long, lonely winter of my life without
you.”
“Seth,— we can
work this out, Son. Nothing you’ve done to me this evening has
really been that bad I can’t overlook if you work with me and seek
help. It’s certainly nothing I would’ve elected to engage in, but
it weren’t that bad. Stop now, Son, and I’ll forget the whole
thing. You won’t have to leave, Son. I won’t force you to
pray or see the minister. I ain’t gonna’ put you in
Gatesville. That was all anger talking. Please, Son, I see
what you’ve been trying to prove to me. I’d have to be a stone
not to feel something even though I don’t approve of your
methods. Give me another chance, Seth,— I’m a' begging you,
boy! Ain't never begged no man in my life for nothing, Son,— but
I’m a' begging you now.”
“I think that’s
the first time you ever really meant anything you said to me,
Dad. I appreciate your words. I love you for them, but it’s
too late for us. You see, Dad, I’ve already made my choice for my
life, and it doesn’t include you. For that, and only that, I’m
truly sorry. To leave someone behind I love as much as you is
like cutting my heart out, but at least, I'll have my brother's love to
comfort me. I can always count on my brother's love. His
love is as constant as the rain.”
I moved between
his legs again. I was so amazed, Vince, his dick sprang to life
immediately like it had its own brain and knew what I was about to
do. I thoroughly lubricated my ass before I came to his bed so I
was ready. He was so large though, I figured I needed extra for
his cock. I grabbed my tube of KY and began to apply it
generously to his dick. He moaned and groaned knowing what was
coming, but his cock only continued to grow. I finally saw our
dad’s penis completely engorged, and it was, indeed, a sight to
behold. It was unbelievable. I didn’t know if I could take
him. In my mind, I began to thank you, big brother, for all the
times you took me and taught me how to relax. After you left, I
asked Bubba to take me one night, and you know how big he is. For
a big man, Bubba's the soul of gentleness and, other than you big
brother, gave me one of the sweetest fuckings of my young life.
I finished
lubricating dad’s shaft and positioned myself over and in front of his
dick. I grabbed him and placed his huge head against my
sphincter. With one swift lunge backward I took the large head of
his dick. I heard our dad gasp at the feeling. I took a
little more until I could feel him hit my prostate. It was easy
going from there, brother. I sat right down on the rest of him,—
but I sensed something was wrong. I looked at dad and saw tears
coming from the corners of his eyes.
“Oh, my
God!” I exclaimed. “Did I hurt you, Dad?”
He didn’t answer
for a minute as his jaw dropped opened as if to speak. He took a
deep breath before answering.
“No, Son, I’m
all right. I just shot my load in your ass. Seth, this
isn’t right,— but, Son, I can understand the temptation. That has
to be one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced in my life. Are
you all right, Son? I’m pretty big. Are you hurting?”
“No, Dad.
I thoroughly cleaned myself before I came to your bed. There is
nothing inside me competing for space with your dick. You won’t
be dirty when I pull off of you.” I took a good long stroke on
his cock and let out a groan of pleasure.”
“Oh, Seth,— oh,
Son! Does my penis feel good inside you, boy?”
“You can’t
imagine how good you feel to me, Dad.”
I stayed on him
for a good while, but he never lost his erection. He stayed hard
the whole time.
“Dad, you’ve got
one more good one in you and I want it. I’m going to fuck it out
of you with my ass.”
“Seth,— my
handsome boy,— I’m so big. I’m afraid you’ll hurt yourself.
That was enough, boy. I’m satisfied you love me. You could ruin
yourself, Son.”
“I’ve done this
many times before, Dad. Lay back, relax and let your boy pleasure
you.”
I started in to
ride him like a bull rider on a Sunday best critter. I took slow,
long strokes and then several rhythmic shorter strokes. Dad was
no longer being the cold, distant observer. He was gasping for
breath, moaning and groaning as much as I was. His hips began to
involuntarily buck to meet my thrust. I got a strong, steady,
powerful stroke going and knew he was clenching his teeth from the
shear ecstacy of the feeling. I set in a steady, unremitting pace
with a good lengthy stroke I though would get him off. I
continued that relentlessly until I heard dad’s soft voice.
“A little
shorter stroke, Son. A bit faster.”
I smiled to
myself and immediately accommodated his request. I knew I found
his exact stroke when I saw a huge satisfied smile come across his
face, and he started to drool saliva from the corners of his
mouth. Finally, he began moving his head back and forth and his
saliva was being slung everywhere. His hips began to meet my
strokes with a frenzy like he couldn’t get enough of his giant dick
inside me. We became locked together for a single purpose to
achieve the passion of one hell of a butt busting climax. I certainly
wasn’t disappointed in our old man. Vince, it had to be one of
the hottest sexual moments I ever experienced. Dad screamed out,
and I knew I had him. I didn’t slack off but continued my fucking
assault on his dick with my ass. He never once wavered in his
determination to reach his goal of climax.
“I’m coming,
Seth! You got me, Son! Rode me down hard, boy! Oh,—
oh,— ho, my God! Oh, God forgive me, but it feels so good!
Seth,— my beautiful boy! Come to me! Give me your love,
boy!”
I couldn’t
figure out what he meant until I leaned over to look into his eyes as I
continued to fuck him with my ass. His mouth opened to me and my
heart leapt to my throat. My dad was asking me to kiss him.
I gently place my mouth on his, and he greedily sucked my tongue into
his mouth. I began to slow my fucking because I felt his dick
shooting volley after volley into my butt. The more he kissed me the
more he shot into my ass. Here I was,— for the first time in my
life kissing my own dad. In all my years as his son, we never
kissed once until that night. It was our first kiss; it was also
our last. I knew I would never see him again. I kept him inside
me until I began to feel him soften, and I pulled off of him. He
was babbling about how amazing it was and while it was a crime against
God and nature he could understand how it might appeal to some.
I saw lights
from a pickup truck coming down our long gravel road towards the
house. I knew it was Bubba coming to pick me up. I told him
about midnight and he was right on time. I left him alone in his
room and went to mine to put my clothes on I’d laid out earlier.
I left everything there. I didn’t want anything he ever gave
me. I came down the stairs to his room again. I untied dad
without a word of apology or regret. I handed him his robe and
turned to walk away. I said nothing to him as I walked to the
door. He didn’t speak to me until I almost reach the threshold.
“Seth,— Son,—.”
I turned to look
at him, to marvel one last time at his masculine beauty as he stood
there only in his boots. For some strange reason he didn’t bother
to put his robe on. He had thrown it on his bed. He looked
like a God to me, Vince. My heart leapt to my throat again, and I
wanted to run and kneel at his feet to worship him one last time;
however, I didn’t. I knew this God, this man, our father standing
before me in all his glory, whom I loved beyond measure, I had to walk
away from.
“Goodbye, pa,—
I’ll always love you.”
“Seth, don’t
go. Please, Son. I understand what you were trying to tell
me. I can change, Son. I'll meet you halfway.”
“Bye,
pop.” I choked out, turned and walked to the porch where Bubba
was waiting. It was the hardest damn thing I ever done in my
life, Vince. Of course, Dad had to have the last word. He
ran to the door, still naked except for his boots, he flung open the
screen door and yelled at me with all the anger in his heart.
“If you leave
now, boy, don’t ever darken my door again!” “On down the
road, Dad,— I love you.” I hollered at him not bothering to turn
around.
I got into
Bubba’s truck. He put his hand on my leg and looked at me with
sadness in his eyes. He knew. Bubba ain’t the brightest
penny in the jar, but he sure as hell can be an understanding friend
when you need one.
“Ready, little
buddy?”
“I’m ready,
Bubba. Thanks.” And, we were gone.
Like you, big
brother, I joined the Marines two days ago and I’m being sent to Camp
Pendleton. I’ve been staying with Bubba and his family for a few
days, and he’s taking me to the airport in the morning. This is
the last letter you’ll get from me before boot camp. I won’t
promise, but I’ll try to write from Pendleton.
I never kept
your new name or address around the house so dad has no idea where you
are or how to find you. I’m hoping when I get back from Nam I can
change my name to be the same as yours, so we will always be
brothers. I love you so much, Vince. If any of this letter
bothers you, I apologize. It was never my intention to hurt
you. It was only something else I wanted to share with my big
brother.
I will always
love you, Vince,
Seth
I must have read
Uncle Seth’s letter a hundred times or more and had to jack off every
damn time because it was so hot. That wasn’t the only reason I
found it moving. It was, also, because of the pent up love and
frustration he had for his dad and the obvious love that poured forth
from his words to my dad.
To add insult to
injury and to his personal horror, the old man found it to be the most
sexually exciting thing that ever happened to him. He would never
admit it, but deep down inside, he knew he enjoyed the feeling.
He awoke to the sensuality of having his seed that created his
beautiful sons being sucked out of him and greedily consumed by his
youngest boy. Only then, did he take Uncle Seth seriously and
banished him from his life with instructions for him to never darken
his door again. However, this time it wasn’t with such great
bravado and religious posing as he’d done with my dad. Curtis
Langtry lost everything. He lost his world for his unbending,
rigid piety. Where was his God now, when he most needed
comfort? He prayed his questioning prayers asking why? What
had he done wrong? His answer was blowing in the wind.
End of Chapter 2
~ Texas Longhorns Copyright 2005 ~
Waddie Greywolf All rights
reserved ~ Mail to:
waddiebear@yahoo.com