LITTLE BEAU PEEP
By Waddie Greywolf


Weaving olden dances
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles
Whilst the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in it's sleep
Come away oh human child
To the waters and the wild
For the world's more full of weeping
Than you can understand
W. B. Yeats

When we were taking over the shop and forming our corporation, one of my stipulations in putting up the money was that Dad Jake be taken in as an equal partner.  Everyone agreed, plus I agreed to foot the bill for operating expenses for the first six months.  When we called him in to tell him he thought we were going to fire him because we wouldn’t need him any more.

I razzed his ass mercilessly about not having faith in his boy.  He cried when we told him he would be an equal partner.  He stood to make twice as much money as he had in the past and needed it as Anita had given birth to their seventh child, a beautiful boy, about a year and a half before and she was in poor health.

The child was named Samuel Beaureguard Redfeather Raggazzi. We jokingly called him Little Red Sambo, but he was known as Little Beau.  Naturally!  What else?  Over the years his brothers and sisters started calling him ‘Little Beau Peep.’ As often happens a silly nickname will stick.  He was good natured about it even when the adults started calling him ‘Peeps.’ So he was known as ‘Little Beau’ or ‘Peeps.’  

The Dungeon Master, Master Earl, Chief and I were his Godfathers. We attended his Baptism.  Master Earl was on patrol and had to attend the service in his uniform.  The attending Priest didn’t know what to think.

 “Let me see if I understand this,—” the priest paused for a minute to muse to himself, “he has four Godfathers, one’s a giant, one’s an Indian Chief, one’s a Cop and the fourth is a Vietnam war hero and body builder?” The Priest asked laughing. “Lucky Little boy,— must be very special.” The Priest allowed.  We assured him he was.

Anita was already going through menopause when she got pregnant. Every physician they went to advised against having the baby.  They  told her to abort the baby.  It was just too risky.  Being a good Catholic she wouldn’t hear of it. There were complications and she never fully recovered.  She remained ill and in poor health until she died three years later.

Dad Jake never married again.  He and I  continued to carry on with each other once or twice a month in a small apartment at the back of the shop Chief and I fixed up for emergency sleep overs in Silverlake.  My Master knew if I worked late, chances were Dad Jake was going to tear off a piece of my ass.  Master Earl never got upset or tried to get me to stop giving Jake sex.  He considered Jake a part of my extended family and included him in a lot of things at the house.  Jake loved my Master and was grateful to him for his graciousness and generosity.

Jake was left with seven kids and no wife.  Master Earl, Chief, the Dungeon Master, and even Master Jeb helped out as much as we could. The entire family helped Jake out at one time or another.  He finally hired a lady in the neighborhood to take care of the two smallest ones and his sister helped as much as she could.  His oldest daughter graduated high school and was still living at home.  She took over a lot of responsibilities.

After Master Earl’s death and my head was retrieved from my ass, I became the Dungeon Master’s property and we lived together for a number of years on Mt. Washington.  It wasn’t far from Dad Jake’s and we were all the time taking the kids somewhere to give him a break. Chief and I would go over a couple of times a week and help out with laundry, cooking, and cleaning.  If he and the Dungeon Master had any slaves in training they were taken along for “Community Service Work.” At least that’s what we told them.  No one ever complained.  Everyone was glad to help out.

Anything that needed to be done we tried to do to help.  Little Beau was our constant companion and helper.  The kids began to think of the Mt. Washington Clan as family.  We practically raised those kids.  The favorite of everyone was the baby of the family, Little Beau.  He quickly learned who Chief, Big Jim, Earl and I were and our relationship to him as his Godfathers.  He could get us to do anything by batting his big brown eyes.  He looked a lot like his mother.

Peeps was even tempered and loved everyone.  He was almost too pretty too be a little boy, but he exuded a masculinity that was as powerful as his old man’s.  He had the prettiest long eye lashes that curled up like someone  used a curler on them and he got teased unmercifully in school; however, he was so quick witted and laid back he never took offense.  He was soon one of the most popular kids in his school.

I loved him from the minute I laid eyes on him as a baby.  I knew he would be special.  I also knew by the time he was five years old he was going to grow up gay.  I talked to Jake and asked him if he was showing Little Beau enough attention.  I warned him all the signs were there.  He must do something.  He was the only one who could show him the masculine love that baby needed.  I preached to him until he’d get so angry he’d shake his fist at me and curse in Italian.

I’d yell back at him, “Well, if you didn’t want us to care for Peeps you shouldn’t have made us his Godfathers, but you did, we are, so live with it.”  He’d think about it for a while then we’d break up laughing at the absurdity of it all.  Maybe little Beau was genetically meant to be gay, who knows?  Jake tried but he just had real problems showing the child affection because he secretly blamed Little Beau for Anita’s death.  The kid knew it, too.  He had a brain up in lights.

Little Beau attached himself to us.  He grew further and further apart from his father but loved him deeply.  He just didn’t know how to get his dad to love him.  He couldn’t.  He tried everything in his power to gain his dad’s love.  As he grew into young manhood he developed the body of a young God; dark, swarthy olive complexion, a face by Michelangelo, and like his old man, a sizable member between his legs.

He was one of the most popular kids in his high school.  The girls adored him and so did the boys.  He could do no wrong.  He wanted to be good at sports and made Chief and I teach him how to play ball.  He  was forever hounding us to play catch with him.  He got to be pretty good.  He was on the team in high school and Chief, Big Jim and I never missed a game.  We had to physically drag Jake to a game.  He didn’t want to go.  He just didn’t care.

Little Beau was crushed.  He’d done all this so his dad would be proud of him.  He was a better athlete than any of his brothers.  We would brag about a play he made, Peeps would be beaming from the praise and his dad would shoot him down.

“It was okay, but your brother could have done better.”

Well, his brother couldn’t have done better.  I chewed that old man’s ass out until he couldn’t believe some of the words that came out of his adopted son’s mouth.  I told him I was ashamed to call him my dad anymore.  He got the message, especially after I cut off sex with him.  I finally told Little Beau to give up.  If his dad was to come around he would but Peeps had to let go for his own sake.  The kid even went so far as to try to take the place of a wife for Jake.  He learned to cook and had dinner waiting for his dad every evening he was in high school.  He washed his dad’s clothes, folded them, put them away.  He washed and waxed his dad’s truck every week.  He mowed the lawn, did yard clean-up around the house, fixed, painted and generally ran the house.  His dad never even offered him an allowance.  His Godfathers slipped him money on the side. I gave him money.  Chief gave him money. Big Jim gave him money.  Each time he would faithfully tell us, “But Beau,— Big Jim and Chief have already given me money.”

“Damn, it!  Keep your mouth shut and take it.” I’d stuff it in his pocket.  It always got me a hug and a kiss.  He graduated from high school second in his class of four hundred students.  His dad was not going to the graduation.  Chief, the Dungeon Master and I told him if he wanted to live to see the sun rise the next day, there would be no argument, he would get dressed appropriately, and be ready at the appointed time.  We would escort him to make sure he attended, if we had to tie him to a chair.  Jake was smart enough to know when we meant business, but what really convinced him was the anger Chief radiated toward him.  He never saw Godfather Chief really angry before.  Later he told me he never wanted to see him angry again either.  He was scared to death that big Indian was going to scalp him if he didn’t do as we told him.  I would have handed Chief the knife.

We took Little Beau to a lot of the family gatherings over the years.  He knew the score and had no problem throwing his clothes off with me, Charlie, Blaine, the eunuchs, Will, and Button. (he loved Button)  All the family knew and loved him.  We don’t know how they found out, but there was a contingency of about fifty bad ass bikers attended his graduation who all stood and yelled for him when he went to get his diploma.  His dad was impressed these guys thought enough of his kid to come to his graduation.  Little Beau was thrilled beyond words they came and were carrying him around on their shoulders.  It did a lot for his image among his peers as well.  His classmates were impressed.

That year we sold the house on Mt. Washington and bought a huge estate in San Diego County with several houses and big garages with apartments over them.  Little Beau was still living with his dad and playing housewife.  His dad took him for granted.  Little Beau helped us move and was around us a lot that month.  He always insisted he be home for his dad to take care of him.  He did spend several nights away with us in San Diego with his dad’s permission.  Here he was almost twenty and still asking his dad’s permission for every move he made.  He never complained.

That weekend I asked him what he wanted to do with his life.  He told me he wanted to go to college to be a veterinarian but his dad said it would be too expensive.  We knew Jake put four of the kids through college with no sweat. They weren’t half as intelligent or bright as Little Beau. They didn’t made near the grades Beau made in high school.  Jake was making damn good money from the shop. We were approached by a  larger firm to buy us out at a huge profit so we decided to sell.  We all could retire from what we got.  Jake ended up with enough to be comfortable the rest of his life but wouldn’t agree to put the kid through college. I’d had it with him.  I was so angry. Chief was angry.  The Dungeon Master was livid.  I asked one question of them both and before I could get it out of my mouth they both yelled an answer in unison.

“What if we....?”

 “Yes!”  was their reply.

We simply moved Little Beau in with us and told his father he would be attending U.S.C. (San Diego) in the fall for Veterinary Medicine.  If he wanted to see him he would have to come down.  Jake didn’t seem to care one way or the other.  Except now, he was alone.

We’d get a phone call from Jake in an evening and tell him all about Little Beau; he was doing well and making top grades.  We were  so proud of him.  Jake never once asked to speak to the boy.  Little Beau finished his freshman year at the top of his class and we couldn’t have been happier.  We bought him a small car and he loved it.  He was beginning to have sex with guys and wanted to know if we would.  We told him we didn’t think it would be a good idea because we were so close to his old man but we had no problem with him finding someone else in the family.  

He picked old Sarge to fall in love with as a Master/mentor.  Wouldn’t you know? Titus and Button welcomed him into the family.  That dirty old man, Sarge ( I loved him), taught the kid about good sex.  How to give it and how to take it.  He taught him well and I’ll have to give the old fart his due, no one could have done it better than Sarge.  I spent many a wonderful, happy evening riding his cock calling him every name that came to my head to get him to fuck me harder.  He never let me down. Then he’d have me trade places with him.  He’d get in the sling and I’d slam my old dick into him as hard as I could.  Then he’d tell me I could come up his butt but if I didn’t get him off the second time when I shot he was going to cut my dick and balls off.  I never failed him either.  We laughed for years, ‘til he passed away, about our bonding and the sex games we played together.  I told everyone I had no doubt that filthy old pervert would do exactly what he said he was going to do to me so I had to bust his ass to make sure he got what he needed.  Then we’d both roar with laughter.  God, I loved that man.  I cried more at his funeral than I did at my Masters.  Why?  Because I learned to let go; how to get it out.  I had to, my love, Big Beryl wasn’t around any more to take me to the barn. In memory of one of the finest men I ever knew or played with, Sarge was a man among men.  I miss him today with all my heart, and I can’t stop the tears as I write this.  Under that gruff, mean, foul mouthed, facade beat the heart of one of the  kindest, gentlest, caring, giving men I ever had the pleasure to know.

I accompanied Little Beau  to Los Angeles to visit his father the end of his freshman year at U.C.S.D.  His grades were tops in his class.  I left him with his dad and went to visit friends.  Bull and Charlie were just planning to move to the San Diego area.  I spent several days with them and several with Sam and Doctor Yoshie.  I had a good time.

I called Jake’s house and Little Beau answered.  He was sort of quiet, and said he was ready for me to pick him up.  I drove by and Jake was all over me hugging and kissing me.  He said he was so glad to see me again.  I noticed as we left Jake never tried to hug Little Beau or tell him ‘goodbye.’  I just figured they said their ‘goodbyes’ before I got there.

Little Beau got into the truck and quietly closed the door to wait for me.  It was a quiet, introspective ride back to San Diego.  I wanted to reach out to him but didn’t know how.  I decided to let things be and be there if he needed me.  Just beyond San Clemente near the nuclear reactors Little Beau kept looking at the ocean with his face turned away from me.  It was getting dark but I could occasionally see his face reflected in the window.  There were tears running down his cheeks, but he didn’t want me to see he was crying..

I pulled off into a rest area near the San Onofre Beach.  I got out, used the head and came back to the truck.  I went to the passenger side and told him to get out, we were going to take a walk.  He looked like a seventy-five year old man who had the burdens of the world on his little shoulders.

I made him take his boots off.  I took mine off and we threw them behind the seat .  We walked down to the ocean and hand in hand walked along the beach in the sand with water coming up to our feet every now and then.  He wouldn’t talk.  A full moon was rising but we were away from the crowd.  I knew the child, the boy, the young man walking beside me so well he could’ve been my own son.  My heart ached for him, but I didn’t know what to do.  

I’ve always been told to follow my heart.  I grabbed him, pulled him to me and kissed him hard with a passionate, lingering kiss.  At first he was shocked and a bit surprised.  He stiffened but then relaxed and allowed himself to flow into his Godfather.  He knew I understood without saying a word.  It opened the flood gates on both sides of the damn.  His and mine.  We were reduced to holding each other and letting it all come out.  Our tears mingled with the same salinity as the ocean waters that washed against our bare feet.  I gently let him go and held him at arms length to speak to him.

“Peeps,— I don’t care what happened.  I don’t wanna’ know.  I’d probably go back and kick the bastard’s ass, but one thing you have to know is you have an entire family who loves and cares for you.  I’m not just talking about your Godfathers but your brother’s and sister’s too.  There ain’t a week goes by we don’t get a call from one or all of them wanting to know how you’re doing and if they can help in any way.  Hell, they’ve been down here to visit us and you more’n they have your old man.

I am and always will be your number one fan and cheering section.  I am, after all, your Godfather.  Chief is number two and the Dungeon Master is number three.  Sarge is a close runner up.”  He laughed.  He looped his elbow through mine and we walked some more down the beach.

“Nothing happened, Beau,”  Peeps said quietly, “absolutely nothing.  If he had been mad at me or anything, but,— nothing!” He broke into tears as we walked. “I cleaned the house.  I fixed breakfast, lunch and dinner for him.  I washed his clothes.  I cleaned his boots.  I washed and waxed his truck.  I cleaned up the yard.  He didn’t thank me for anything.  Never said I did a good job or even a bad one.  He just doesn’t love me, Beau and I have always tried so hard to win his love.

I guess I just realized this weekend, I can’t do it any more, Beau, I just can’t try anymore.”  He was devastated.  I was too.  I couldn’t imagine what had come over the man, Dad Jake, who I knew and loved all those years.  To do this to his own flesh and blood.  Why didn’t he just tell the kid to fuck off, I don’t want to be bothered by you anymore.  It would be kinder than what he was doing to him.

“What did he do while you were there, Beau?” I asked him.

“Nothing but watch television.  Never talked to me.  Even when we ate he never asked how I was doing in school.  Nothing.   Just got up, put his plate in the sink and went back to his T.V.  I tried to talk to him several times and he hushed me up, he wanted to see what was on T.V.  I gave up.  I went and found something else to clean.  That was my vacation with my dad, Beau.”  He kind of giggled a disappointed little laugh.  “I don’t know what I expected.  He never has paid any attentions to me.”

“Look, I told you to stop trying.  Next time don’t “do” for him.  Just sit and make him nervous.  Just be strong and sit there until you get a reaction, then go from there. Beat him at his own sick game.  I’ve know your dad a hell of a lot longer than you and I know what pulls his strings.”

“Beau?  Why does my dad love you so much?  He brightens up every time you come around.  He’s never done that for me.  Did you and my dad have a ‘thing’ at one time?”

“By ‘thing,’ do you mean sex?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“We’ll, I’m too mad at your dad to protect him any longer and you’d know if I lied to you; besides you’re old enough you deserve to know.  Yes, we did.  For many years.  Even up until Master Earl was killed.  He knew and accepted your dad as part of our family.  I won’t lie to you, Peeps, ‘cause I’ve come to love you more than I ever loved your dad and that was a powerful lot at one time.

We played together occasionally for years. There was a small single apartment at the back of the shop that hadn’t been used for years.  Sam originally fixed it up for Yoshie to hide in when he first escaped Breed years ago.  Chief and I fixed it up, ‘cause it had an outside entry and we could use it if we got stuck in Hollywood for the night.  Or if Chief didn’t want to bring a trick back to Mt. Washington, he could take him there.  We painted, redid the floor and made it real comfortable. We  put an air conditioning unit for comfort and redid the bath to make it nice.  Someone could have lived there.

Well, your dad saw it, and he and I started to use it after work once in a while if both our schedules allowed.  Maybe once or twice a week, all those years.  I haven’t been with him since you were in junior high school and saw what he was doing to you.  I’m sorry Beau but I love you deeply and couldn’t have sex with your dad while I watched him reject you.”

“I never knew.  Now it makes things more clear.  I would’ve never guessed you and my Dad...”

“Don’t hate me, Darlin,’  I couldn’t stand that. It would break my heart, I love you so much.”  I held him tightly in my arms.

“I don’t, Beau, but it does tell me something.  He’s still in love with you, and I’m just an echo of that love.  I killed his wife and then I destroyed your love for him.  No wonder he hates me.”  He cried again.

“I promise you, Peeps, I’ll make it up to you somehow.” I said to him.

“You already have, Beau.  Look what you’re doing for me.  You guys are so kind and giving.  I can’t even look at something I might like or one of you will buy it for me.  No young man could ask for better Godfathers but you’re more like three big brothers. Hell, I love you guys like I could never love my old man.  You guys were always there if I needed anything or a shoulder to cry on.  I didn’t realize until I was older how many weekends you guys gave up to see to my happiness.  You guys became my dads.

I wanted dad to love me.  I wanted to love him, but it’s hard when you get nothing in return, Beau.” I held him as he cried some more. “Tell me, Beau?” He looked at me with those killer brown eyes of his. “If you had sex with my old man, why won’t you ‘get down’ with me?” He was right.  He had me by the gonads.  If I really loved him as I claimed why was I denying him what he probably needed from me.

“Would it help if we were intimate?”

“I need to be loved this evening.  I need love from someone and I’d rather it be you than any person on this earth.”

“You know what, Tiger?  I need you, too.”  We kissed again.  I’d never been intimate with Little Beau before that evening, but I felt we both needed it.  I stopped and got us a motel room in Carlsbad and called back to Bear Park. (our name for our place) I told my Master we were stopping for the night, ‘cause we were tired.  Neither wanted to drive any more. There was a show on cable I didn’t want to miss.  My Master knew me so well by that time he understood from a few well chosen words it was a ‘situation.’

“Ya’ll have fun now, y’hear!” The Dungeon Master said laughing as he hung up the phone. My Master knew me too well and understood Peeps needed me.  Little Beau and I  made love five times that night.  He couldn’t get enough and I couldn’t fill him enough.  Sarge is one hell of a teacher.  I bought him a box of those awful cigars he loves after that night with Peeps and never told him why.  Little Beau and Big Beau fell in love that night.  We bonded and I knew I would never let anything bad happen to him again as long as I was alive.  He had become more our son than he was Jake’s. I wasn’t going to let Jake hurt him anymore either.

The end of Little Beau’s Sophomore year came and went.  That summer he spent with us or the family.  I occasionally had sex with him.  The Dungeon Master and Chief began to use him every now and then.  He was learning that sex didn’t mean you had to latch on to everyone who made a night of love to you.  He didn’t learn it from me.  Maybe Sarge?  I still fall in love with anyone who throws a decent fuck in me.  So, I’m weak.  Peeps never once mentioned going to see his dad that summer.  The phone calls from Jake became more infrequent.  The oldest daughter called and said he was miserable because Little Beau didn’t come to visit.

“Good, serves him right.”  I told her then I laughed.  She didn’t want to agree but had to.  Jake’s kids knew what he’d done to Little Beau and  tried to talk to him.  They all expressed their disappointment the way he treated Little Beau.  Then she said, “I think he’s gonna’ drive down to visit Little Beau.” I told her fine, we’d love to see him. He was certainly welcome.  Two days later I got a call from Jake asking if he could come down to visit?

“Sure come on down, we got plenty of room.  Stay as long as you like.” I gave him instructions how to get to our place and he found it with no trouble.  I was so proud of Little Beau.  His dad got there but he didn’t run to him as usual.  He walked into the room after his dad was there for a while and simply said with no emotion, “Hi, Dad,”and walked on through to the kitchen to get a cold drink.  He came back in and asked his dad if he could get him anything.

“No thanks, Son.”

“Okay, fine.  Good to see you again, Dad.” Turned and went back to his room.  Jake was visibly shaken.  I looked at him with sympathy in my eyes but just shook my head.

“I need you guy’s help.” He said in a low voice.  I was afraid of what was coming.  I had an ominous feeling, and I couldn’t have been more right.

“Have I totally blown it with Little Beau?”  Jake asked quietly.

I wasn’t going to coddle him. “Damn near, Dad.  Yeah, I’d say you’ve managed to kill ninety-five percent of any love he had for you and it’s real hard for any of us to have much sympathy.  We warned you for years.  Do you remember the arguments you and I got into about showing him love?  You wouldn’t listen.  What were we to do?  I wasn’t going to sit by and watch you destroy our Godson.  The only Godson, Big Jim, Chief and I may ever have.”

“You don’t have all the pieces.  You don’t know everything.” he countered.  I didn’t like the sound of that, but I had to know.  I let him take the lead.  If he wanted to tell us he would.  Sarge was visiting in Little Beau’s room. They were making plans for going to the next family get together in the desert.

“I blamed him for Angie’s death for years.  (Anita Angela was her two first names) I couldn’t look at him when I didn’t see her face.  He looks just like her.  He has the face of an angel.”  He started crying and I didn’t move to console him.   Neither did Chief, Blaine, or the Dungeon Master. “As time went on I couldn’t show him love because it was like I wanted to love him like I loved Angie or you, Beau.  I wanted to hold him and have sex with him from the time he was in junior high school.  When he started puberty I caught him jacking off one afternoon.  I almost went in to lay down with him to help him.  I wanted to hold him and make love to him while he was doing it.  I wanted to catch him in my mouth.  I know it sounds sick, but I’m being honest here.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and then I remembered my own dad catching me jacking off to Billy’s picture and asking if he could help.  Six degrees separation of probability?  Maybe less than that?  I suddenly began to see things in a new light.  He had been falling deeply in love with his own son and didn’t know what to do about it. He knew society would n’t accept incest.  Hell, it has a hard enough time with homosexuality let alone to lust after your own son.  He bottled up all this without talking to a soul?  He could have talked to me of all people.  No, he couldn’t have.  He knew how much we loved Little Beau and we took our God-parenting role seriously.  Jake continued.

“When he comes home he acts like a slave to me.  I remember you and Chief talking about Will and all the things he used do for you guys.  Your descriptions of what a slave should be,  stuck in my mind and then I realized I unwittingly turned my own son into a slave without the sex; however, for lack of a better term, it was barren,— it was lifeless.  It was frightening, because the truth is, I wanted it all with him.”

I looked at Chief and then the Dungeon Master for help.  They just looked at the floor.  Blaine just shrugged his shoulders but didn’t look too sympathetic.  I was stunned.  What do you say to someone who has asked for your help and thrown you the curve of a life time?  Then, I thought, why didn’t you see this coming, Beau?  You’ve known that old man for years but you’d never figure him to be an uncaring man especially to his child.  Something had to be desperately wrong.  Well, there it was. Staring you in the fucking face.  You just found out.  Now, what the hell are you going to tell him?  Jake went on.

“He can walk by me and his scent causes me to get erect.  Not just a little.  I mean a fucking boner hard, Beau, like I used to get with you.  He has a scent just like Anitas.  How is that possible?  He doesn’t use colognes or soap like she use to.  He doesn’t use deodorant or hair spray like she use to.  No talcs or bath powders. No bath oils, nothing. I’ve checked everything.  How can a male child have the same damn scent his mother had?  You tell me that!”

I didn’t have an answer.  I’ve pondered the role of pheromones in sexual attraction for years but found no answers. Except, I noticed of late the same scent from my giant,  Master Earl used to have just before he wanted sex from me.  Now, I can tell when the Dungeon Master requires my services.  I don’t even have to ask.  I just start taking off anything not going to be used in sex.  He asked me one day how I always knew.  I told him a slave has ways of knowing those things about his Master.  That scent is not from an aftershave.  It’s a sexual scent.  Like my beast is getting ready to go into rut.  About a week ago I passed Chief and got the same scent from him.  Blaine had been gone for about a week visiting with Josh, Zack and Will.  I pulled Chief aside and asked him, “Your room, twenty minutes?  Meet you there?”

“I’d really appreciate it, Beau.” He replied with kind of an urgent tone to his voice.  I was there stripped, clean, and ready for use.  He didn’t even say a word.  He knew what I was there for and couldn’t get it into me fast enough.  He used me as the slave I was intended to be.  Damn good, too, I might add.  My Indian brother could still bring a satisfied smile to this old slave’s face.  Later that afternoon I was doing something and humming away while working.  My Master passed by me then stopped.

“Chief?” was all he asked.

“Yes, Master.” I said still working away.

“Fine.” he replied and walked on smiling to himself.  Now, how did he know?  He couldn’t tell me either.  Could it be the same?  Could it be our bodies produce one or the other pheromones depending on the role we need to play in sex.  Is the male of our species capable of producing both?  Stranger things have been noticed about the human body’s ability to produce scents.

“Dad.” I spoke softly to Jake trying to think. “Did you feel that strongly you couldn’t have met a middle ground with your son?”

“You know me Beau, that afternoon I asked if you were free to let me come by your apartment I knew I was gonna’ fuck the daylights out of you.  I couldn’t hold back. I’ve never been able to hold back with you.  I would go with you right now if your Master let me and you wanted me.  God,—forgive me Jim,— I’ve missed you in the last eight years like you can’t imagine.  I’ve even gone to a couple of gay bars looking for a replacement and can’t find anyone.  I knew to show Little Beau any affection I was going to go too far.  I wanted him so badly.” About that time Sarge walked in to say ‘goodbye.’  He told us he would talk to us before the weekend.  I introduced him to Jake and he shook his hand.

“Mr Raggazzi, you have one hell of a fine young man for a son.  He’s a good boy.  You should be proud of him.”  Jake thanked him and I walked Sarge to the door.  I kissed Sarge on the cheek and told him he would never know how much I loved him for what he just said to Little Beau’s dad. I told him I would fill in the details later. I came back and told Jake I had to think about this and let’s get him comfortable.  Blaine and I had to start dinner. We were on K.P. that evening.

“To be perfectly honest with you, Dad, I don’t know what to say.  Am I shocked?  No, not really.  Does it bother me? Only in the sense that I don’t have an honest answer for you as to how I feel about it.  I haven’t had much time to think.  Can we just leave everything on hold right now and give me a chance to think?  I want to put in a call to Master Wolf for his opinion.  He helped me a lot recently and I want to hear his take on this.  Can we get together again after dinner and talk?  We won’t say anything to Little Beau about this and you shouldn’t either until we’ve had a chance to talk among ourselves.  Dad, we’re not here to be your judge and jury.  You and I are the last ones to ever judge anyone.  Look at the clandestine love you and I had for each other all these years.”  

Jake agreed to wait until after dinner to pursue the conversation.  I immediately put in a call to Master Wolf and got his slave Zane on the phone.  He said he was with a client but would have him give me a call as soon as he was finished.  I told him it was somewhat of an emergency.  Blaine and I began to cook dinner and Little Beau came to the kitchen with no clothes on to help like he always did.  I pulled him aside.

“Peeps, do your old Godfather a favor and go put some clothes on since your dad is here,— for his benefit.”  He thought I meant because he was not used to seeing his kid run around a houseful of grown men in the nude. “After he’s gone you can go back to being comfortable.”  He started to say something and then stopped.

“Yes,  Master Beau.”  Was all he said and trudged off to cover himself.

“Was he being a smart aleck, Blaine?” I asked.

“Don’t think so, Love,— I think he sees you as his Godfather/Master.  That kid would jump through flaming hoops for you and never ask why;  with good reason, I might add.  You’ve never lied to him or told him you were gonna’ do something and didn’t or ask anything of him that wasn’t for his own good.  Shit!  Not only him, Darlin,’  I’d jump through them flaming hoops if’n you merely suggested it would be a good idea.” Blaine had a good laugh at his joke, “You’ve never told me to do anything or asked anything of me, unless it was for a damn good reason. In Nam or here.  I would trust anything you told me to do in a New York minute.” The phone rang and I went to answer as Blaine began getting dinner on the table.

“Hello, Bear Park, Big Beau speaking.”

“Hey Beau, you wanted me to call.”

“Yes, Master Wolf, thanks for returning my call.  Remember Dad Jake?  I spoke to you about him and my ongoing relationship at work for years.  Then I stopped it when he began to reject my Godson, his youngest child.”

“Yes, I remember it well and was a bit amazed as a straight man he jumped the fence for a gay man.  Remember, I told you my experience was it usually was a strong single relationship with a gay man, but he would not venture out to more partners. Exclusivity with one male partner or female is compatible with straight mentality.”

“Well,  good Master, there has been a new variable.  He just laid it at our feet why he  rejected his youngest son all these years.”

“I remember you told me he blamed the boy for his wife’s demise.  Is there more? No, let me guess.  His real rejection of the kid is because he has realigned his sexuality with his son.  His son has become his wife and you.”

“You’re pretty damn sharp, Master Wolf.”

“That’s why you pay me the big bucks, slave Beau. There is, by the way, no charge for this conversation.” He said laughing. “It’s far too interesting to sully it with money. You should be charging me for this one.”  He laughed again.

“Furthermore,” He continued, “The child has done everything he could to win his father’s approval with little results and has gone overboard in his attempts to please. Much like a slave would wish to win approval of his Master by pleasing him.  His dad relates this with his experiences with you being a slave and has subconsciously rejected him more to induce this performance from him, right?”

“You’re batting a thousand so far, Master Wolf.”

“Then your question would be,...?”

“The boy is our Godson.  Our family here in San Diego is putting him through college which his father refused to do for him.”

“Of course he did.  He didn’t want to lose control of his little slave.  College would mean separation, knowledge, developing a more mature self-awareness; perhaps, an end to his power base.  To Jake it’s not only threatening, it’s frightening.  He’s there to reclaim his slave and re-establish control.  He may even ask your help.”

“Exactly!  He’s done exactly that.  My question to you is how we should feel about this.  Is this incest? Is it psychotic?  Should we be indignant and seek to protect the kid?  He is our Godson.  I don’t want to see him hurt any more.”

“Well, is it incest?  Absolutely!  But, only if sex occurs.  It may be called incestuous but it isn’t incest until they boogie.  Is it psychotic?  Probably not.  Should you be indignant?” He paused to laugh, “You’ve had sex with his dad so you live in a glass house. That would be a little like the pot calling the kettle black and if I know you like I think I do, because of empathy, you’ve allowed the child to seduce you rendering you incapable of a rational judgement in this situation.  I hate to be clever, but what the hell, you’re the shuttle cock and they’re the players.”

“I don’t think I like that analogy, but I see your point.”  I laughed.

“Your next step is to lay it at the kid’s feet, but not with his dad present.  Don’t even tell him, if you can avoid it, while dad is on your turf.  Send his old man back to his domain with hugs, kisses and promises to consider helping him, but you need more time.  Whatever it takes, get him to his home.  Meanwhile, don’t alarm the kid but manage somehow to have him sleep over at a friends tonight.  Get him out of the house.”

“Dad is there to cause a confrontation that won’t be wholesome for the boy in the long run.  The kid can’t be expected to make a rational decision with his dad offering to hand him the love he never got from him for twenty years.  Give the kid any lame fucking excuse but get him out of the house.  Got that?”

“Yes, Sir, sounds like damn good advice to me.”

“You do that, then you’ll have breathing room and dad won’t have a reason for staying around if he can’t cause a confrontation.  We can talk again.  I’m home all night tonight.  I’ll be at the office tomorrow.  Call anytime and I’ll leave word with my receptionist to put you through immediately.  If you need me again tonight, call at any hour, I’ll take your call.  Good luck and do let me know how you progress.”

“I will, Master, and thanks.”

“No problem, good night.” I hung up the phone and turned to Blaine who just looked at me.

“He’s pretty damn sharp.” I said quietly.  Blaine nodded his head. “Said we needed to get Little Beau out of the house for the evening or for as long as his dad is here. To get Jake back to his place before we talk to Little Beau about it.”

“Smart man. Good advice.” Blaine allowed, “Call Sarge, ask him to come get him. They’re fifteen minutes away.  They’ll keep him as long as you need.”

“Good idea.” I said as I dialed Sarge’s number.

“Hey, Button, how you doing Hon?  This is Big Beau.”

“I’m fine, Beau. How’s my big Bro.?”  Button asked.

“I’m fine, Sweetheart.  I need to speak to your number one Master for a moment if I may.”

“Sure, Beau, he’s right here.”  Button called Sarge to the phone.

“Hey, Buns, what’s up?” Sarge came on.

“Sarge, we need your help.”

“Name it, you got it.”

“We need to get Little Beau out of the house for a while. Maybe tonight and perhaps tomorrow.  Could you come get him?”

“Be right there.”

“Just let yourself in, go to his room, get him and leave as quietly as possible.”

“Will do, sweetheart, be there in ten.”

“Thanks Sarge, we owe you.  We’ll talk later.  I’ll give you a call.”

“Sure, anytime.”  He hung up. I went to Little Beau’s room and knocked gently.

“Come in.” He replied to my knock.

“Hi, Darlin,’  I want you to do something for me.”

“Anything Master, you know that.”

“Peeps,— I’m not a Master.  You must reserve that for Sarge, Chief and the Dungeon Master.  Just call me Beau, sweetheart.”

“Okay, Beau, I was only trying to show my respect for you.”

“I know you respect me and I appreciate it, but it isn’t proper right now. Sarge is coming by in a few minutes to get you.  I want you to stay over at his place tonight. I want you to just go with him and not bother to come in to tell us goodbye,— understand?”

“Yes, I think so, what’s this all about, Beau?”

“Will you trust me until tomorrow?”

“I’d trust you forever, Beau.  Sure, I’ll go with Sarge.  Love to, I may even get to ride that big thing again tonight.”

“I’ll say a prayer for you.” We both laughed. “Now don’t come out of your room until Sarge gets here.”

“I promise, Beau.” I hugged him.

“I love you and I’ll call you tomorrow morning.”

“I love you, too, Beau.”

I helped Blaine finish getting dinner on the table.  We never used the big dinning room unless we’re entertaining the family for the holidays.  We have a table set up in an ante-room off the kitchen that used to be a large walk in pantry.  Blaine and I completely redid it to make it into a cozy, kitchen dining area.  Plenty of room for everything including a couple of linen storage cabinets.  Sarge had already come by and whisked Little Beau away when I went to Jake’s room and quietly knocked.  He came to the door.

“Come, Dad, we have dinner on the table.”  He followed me down.  The Dungeon Master was already seated and stood for Jake.  Chief joined us and our next door neighbor, an older, straight man who had come to know and love us had been invited.  Blaine sat down and I motioned for Dad Jake to sit next to me.

“Isn’t Little Beau eating?” He asked.

“He went to the movies with a friend and is going to stay over at his house tonight. We fed him and his friend before they left.  I reminded him you were here and he didn’t think you’d want him to stay around.  I didn’t say anything, Dad, ‘cause I haven’t gotten a clear picture yet about all the details.  We’ll talk after dinner.” He seemed satisfied with that but was visibly shaken Little Beau didn’t want to hang around for him.

What did he expect?  Just because you’re the kid’s parent, he is, after all, a legal adult now as of his last birthday. He was twenty-one.  He could drink now and die for his country.  Well, he could have done that at eighteen, he just couldn’t have voted as to whether he wanted to go to war or not.

We had a pleasant dinner.  Bob, our retired railroad worker for Amtrak, neighbor engaged dad in a lot of conversation.  They had a lot in common coming from the same straight mentality.

“Well, Sir,— it was a bit of culture shock living next door to what I thought was gonna’ be the Hell’s Angels.” Bob told Jake laughing, “Then less and more so when I found out they’s Hell’s Belles instead!”  We all laughed at his crude take on our life style. “Then over the years they’s done a lot of nice things for me.  A hell of a lot!  Why, two of their buddies cured me of a crippling arthritis the doctors had given up on.  Be what they may, Masters/slaves, whatever they want’s to be, they be damn good people. Good to me anyways, and  I’m right proud to have ‘em as neighbors.  Took me a while to get used to coming by and several of ‘em walking around in the buff.  Hell, at their pool now I think nothing of joining ‘em.  They don’t bother me.  They respect me and I respect them.

You say your son is living here with ‘em? That sweet young boy they call ‘Peeps’?  If he’s your son you have one hell of a kid there Mister Jake.  He goes out of his way to be good to me and does little chores ‘round my place.  Won’t take a dime I try to give him for his help.  Well mannered, bright and intelligent.” Jake just played with his food and muttered thanks to old Bob.

I knew there was a reason we’d been good to that old man all these years.  He was like part of our extended family.  He even called Big Jim, ‘Dungeon Master.’  He loved Chief.  Told everybody he had a real, honest to God, Indian Chief living next door to him.  We had grown to be able to kid with him and had a lot of fun with him.  Every now and then he’d bring a ‘sweetie’ by he was dating, and if she got upset he’d dump her.  He finally found an outrageous woman who had traveled the world who was not the least put off by our lifestyle.  Her name was Blanche.  She was a terror. A fun terror. Everyone loved Blanche. She insisted Bob get a bike and join the family.  They eventually did and were married at one of our family gatherings in the buff.  Everyone breathed a sigh and was so relieved when they finally decided to put their clothes on.

After dinner it took a while for Blaine and me to clean up.  Chief and the Dungeon Master helped.  I wanted them all there for support when I talked to Jake.  I already had in mind what I was going to say. Thank God I called Master Wolf.  The man was good.  He helped defused what might have been a bad situation.  We all got the idea Jake had come to pick up Little Beau, demand he give up school and return to Los Angeles with him.

Knowing Little Beau the way I do, he just may have done it.  He loved his dad that much.  He would have considered anything to gain his dad’s love.  He attached himself to two very powerful male figures in our family, Sarge and the Dungeon Master.  He was always in Big Jim’s lap with his head on his chest while Big Jim read or talked to us.  He’d have his arms around Little Beau holding him.  The kid soaked it up.  I know how he felt.  I got my fair share of the giant’s love with my head on his huge chest.  He’s  my rock to this day.  Don’t care how bad things get, ten minutes in that man’s arms and the world looks a lot brighter.

Little Beau was the same with Sarge.  Titus and Button were giving enough to let Little Beau have some of their beloved Sarge’s time and love.  Besides, they had each other, too.  By this time, Titus had pretty much taken over being Button’s exclusive Master.  He reported to Titus first and then Sarge second, with Sarge’s approval of course.  I knew in my heart Little Beau was going to end up a good Master’s slave.  He wanted that more than anything.

A good Master would be the perfect replacement for a father who was cold and rejecting.  Peeps was wise enough to not kid himself about belonging to Sarge.  Sarge became a ‘safe’ harbor for Little Beau.  He knew he could give and receive all the love he neede from Sarge and he didn’t have to worry about the complications of a real Master/slave relationship.  Don’t misunderstand.  He accepted Sarge as his Master and knew because Sarge was his first Master he would always think of him as his Master.  He more than showed him the respect he was due and paid homage to Sarge’s boots as any good slave should.  He knew in his heart, as we all did, when it came time for Little Beau to go to his own Master, Sarge would send him with the greatest love in his heart; however, you could count on Sarge to check out the intended Master to the max.

As much as I ragged on old Sarge, and he and I went round and round, he was the perfect first Master for Little Beau.  I will always be grateful to Sarge for that bit of kindness.  What the hell, that dirty old man was getting a hot, young, piece of ass regularly.  All he had to do was lower his pants, snap his fingers for Little Beau and the kid was on his dick.  Nevertheless, we were all grateful for the chemistry between the two.  Sarge treated him like a son and Little Beau needed that.  When he did well in school, Sarge was the first he’d run to for approval.  No one in the family made a bigger fuss over Little Beau’s accomplishments or sang his praises more than Sarge.

We moved from the kitchen into the living room.  Bob excused himself, thanked us for dinner and left.  We were alone with Jake.

“I talked with Master Wolf on the phone before dinner, Dad, and he helped clear a couple of things in my mind.  What I think we’d like to know is do you want to interrupt Little Beau’s schooling?”

“If necessary, yes!”  There was a stunned silence and I felt everyone pull back. I tried not too but in a soft resolute voice I spoke, “I won’t let that happen, Dad.”  Jake knew I held the trump card.

“I won’t let it happen, either.” added my Master. Chief raised his hand.

“Me either, Jake, that kid’s been hurt enough.”  Chief stated flatly.

“If I have any say in it at all, it won’t happen, Jake!”  Blaine spoke with conviction.

“He’s my Son. He belongs at home with his Dad not with you...”

“Perverts, Dad?”  He hung his head knowing I won that round.

“And I suppose what you have in mind is not just a tad on the questionable side? You want what you and I had, only now,  you want it with Little Beau, your own son.  Just because he’s your Son doesn’t white wash the stigma of perversion.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“No, you’re wrong!  I don’t know that anymore.  I did once and would have sworn by your love, now I’m not sure who you are anymore.  I’m calling in all the debts you owe me right now, Dad, right this very minute, for the sake of your son.  You know I don’t want money, but I do demand control in this situation.  You gave up control when you started pulling away from Little Beau when he was in junior high school.”

“Amen to that...” stated the Dungeon Master.

“Who was it that emotionally supported that poor kid all those years?  Who was it taught him to play ball?  I wasn’t you, Jake!  Who was it took him to baseball practice and was at every fucking game to cheer him on?  It wasn’t his dad!  Fuck, Jake, we had to rope and hog tie you to get you to his Goddamned graduation!  I should have just let Chief scalp you!  I was so disappointed and pissed at you I would have held you down while he did it.”

“Amen to that, too, Jake!” Interjected Chief who had just about heard enough.

“I came to ask your help not to get lectured to.  I thought you’d understand. You guys of all people.”

“You’re wrong, Jake!  Your problem is, we understand all too well and you’re asking us to consider your selfish needs,— not Little Beau’s. That’s exactly what you’ve done to him for years.  You haven’t shown the kid any love at all because of your misplaced grief and sexual needs.  Now, you sit there and tell me that’s not selfish?  Now he’s becoming an adult you want to demand he be your little slave, but what kind of a Master do you think you’d make, Jake?  You haven’t done a damn thing to deserve him.  You didn’t want him to go to college to keep him under your thumb.  He was your brightest child.  Your crowning achievement as a father, for cries sake.  I would give both nuts and dick to have sired a kid like him.”

“Every man, with or without a dick, in this room is in agreement with that, Jake.” The Dungeon Master spoke. “Hell, every one of us has become more of a father to Peeps than you ever were.  I haven’t said very much but I’m backing my slave a hundred and ten percent, Jake.  I won’t let you do it either without some decent soul searching on your part.  Besides that, Little Beau is an adult now, and I won’t let it happen unless I hear it from his mouth he wants it.” Surprised the hell out of me, but that was my giant.

“Don’t look at me or Blaine, Jake, you know we feel the same.” Chief added sternly.

“Look Dad, I’ll give you this,— I won’t say ‘no,’ I won’t help you.  There will be stipulations.  I want to discuss it with Little Beau away from you.  I’m going to see he stays away until after you return to L.A.  He’s twenty-one now.”  Jake looked shocked. He didn’t even remember how old his own Son was.

“You don’t have legal control over him anymore.  You also don’t have emotional control over him anymore.  We do.  Call us any names you want, but thank God, he has seen fit to give us that option right now.  One stipulation will be he finishes college living here with us.  Second, it will be his decision as to how much he wants to see you depending on the outcome of our presenting this news to him.  If he’s totally turned off by the idea, I’m not gonna’ lie to you, I’ll see to it he’s protected.”

“We all will, Jake.” Added Blaine.  Jake hung his head and started to cry.  Not a man moved to console him including me.  He needed to feel our solidarity.  To console him would have shown a weakness in the ranks.

“Look, Dad, you know me well enough to know I won’t try to influence his choice. I’ll present the facts and options and that’s that.  You better do some praying, some major soul searching.  We’ll talk tomorrow before you go back.  It won’t look so bad in the morning, I promise.”  Jake got himself together and nodded his head.

I walked him back to his room.   It was late and I retired to the Bear’s Lair with my Master.  He held me and kissed me.

“I was so damned proud of you, Beaver, I just wish Earl, Jeb and Beryl could have been here to hear what you told him.”

“What makes you think they weren’t?” I asked smiling. “You think  either of those old men or Master Earl would’ve missed something that good with their baby slave holding court?”  We both laughed and then the Dungeon Master, my love, again surprised the hell out of me.

“Go to him, Beau.  Give yourself to him.” I looked at him stunned.

“Please, Master, don’t...”

“That’s not a  request, slave, it’s an order.  You will obey your Master.  Just trust me on this one.”  He kissed me gently. “And, don’t hold back from him either, you understand, slave?”

“I will obey, Master.”  I kissed him again and added. “You’re a better man than I am, Master!”

“You know that ain’t true, you little shit, now go.”  He turned me around and patted me on the butt. “Don’t stay the night.  You belong in your Master’s arms, not his.  Just pleasure him, give him your love and return.  I’ll be waiting. You may even get a second load up there  tonight.”  I loved that man.

I went to Dad Jake’s room and knocked gently.  Jake came to he door in just his underwear.

“May I come in, Dad?”

“Sure, Son, come on in.”

“My Master sent me to you for your pleasure.  I have been ordered to pleasure you in anyway you see fit.  Furthermore, I am in agreement with my Master’s order and wish to please you.  Perhaps, if I hadn’t withdrawn from you eight years ago we wouldn’t be in this position.  I still love you, Dad.  You loved me all those years ago and still do.  I can’t turn love on and off any more than you can.  Give me your love, Dad, and I’ll give you mine in return.”  He grabbed me and held me tight.  I held him equally as tight.  He sobbed in my arms and thanked me and my Master for allowing me to come to him.  I had forgotten how good Dad Jake felt in my arms.  I recalled the love we had for each other all those years and the wonderful outrageous sex we had time after time. I started getting hard.  He laughed.

“Your old dad can still do it to you, huh, kid?”

“You know it, you old frump.  I love you so much, Dad.  There has to be a happy ending to this.  We just have to find it together.”

“Let’s worry about that later, slave, you don’t know how bad I need your ass. I may come on entry.”  I slathered him up real good with my spit.  He mounted me from the top with my legs on his broad shoulders and slammed that huge Italian cock as deep as he could in my gut.  He heaved twice, sucked in air, and I could feel him filling me with his come.  It happened just the way he thought it would.

“That was just a warm up, Dad.  Relax inside of me for a minute, and we’ll do some good old ‘down home’ fucking like you like to do.  You need to ride your slave-boy for a while.”  He couldn’t get enough.  I didn’t think he was ever going to stop fucking me. Then finally he started climbing the hill, and I knew he was going get it. I asked him permission to come and he said ‘no,’ save it for my Master.  I didn’t come but he emptied a second big load up my butt.  He still had it.

I could have come in a second, but I learned over the years not to if ordered by the Master fucking me.  It was a matter of control and my need to become a good slave. Master Jeb was right all along.  I was harder on my self than any Master’s punishment could have been.  I saw it as my Master’s right to control my coming.

Master Earl rarely let me come in all those years, but when he did, oh my God! It was like Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, my birthday, the forth of July, Valentine’s Day, Bastille Day, and ground hogs day all rolled into one.  He promised he would have me learn to control my ejaculations and he did.  It got easier and easier as time went on.  I still could come at a moments notice.  Before he was killed he was working on having me come by snapping his fingers and ordering me to.  He had me perform several times for select family members to show off his slave.  I was able to obey almost every time. Our family members were impressed.  He’d have me stand at parade rest, take hold of my nose chain, pull it tight, snap his fingers and order me to come.  He would pull harder on my nose ring, but I knew not to follow.  He wanted me to feel the pressure. Sometimes he would reach behind me and press hard on my plug as I pushed back. Pretty soon I couldn’t hold it any more and would shout,

 “By your command, Master!” I would shoot four of five feet in the air.  Now my giant is following that same training and limits my coming.  So I wasn’t real sure I’d get to come that evening.  As it turned out I didn’t.  He thought I needed to learn a lesson from that evening and coming would be a reward.

The next morning, Jake was a different man.  Everyone including me was shocked by his abrupt change of spirit.  He was radiant.  He talked little about the night’s conversation, but when he did it was with humility and acceptance.  He knew Little Beau was in the best of hands and we would do what was right for him.  We assured him we would as we waved goodbye to him.


“Well, Beaver,— ” The Dungeon Master stated about to go on with his sentence and I cut him off.

“Please Master, don’t say it, I’ll say it for you.  My Master knows best.  Damn! I’m so sorry Master I even questioned you. I feel so bad.”

“No problem, you’ll be punished later.” He smiled wickedly.

“You promise?” I asked seriously.

“Of course!” He couldn’t contain himself any longer and we both broke up in each other’s arms; glad that a crisis was averted.

“You know what this means don’t you, slave?” The Dungeon Master asked.

“I have an idea, but I’d rather hear it from my Master.”

“You’re gonna’ have to start making bi-monthly trips to Los Angeles to pleasure him to protect our Godson.  What ever it takes, with my blessing, none of us want to see that kid hurt more than he already has been.  Maybe Jake’ll find someone else while you’re keeping his beast at bay.” My Master had grown into a wise man, and excellent Dungeon Master and a supreme Master.  I was only too proud to serve him.  Fuck!  Did he punish me good!  Woah!  My ass ached for three days.  I couldn’t stop smiling.

Sarge kept Little Beau that night as well and returned him the next morning.  Sarge and he were like two young lovers, whispering and giggling with each other.  It was good to see.  It was sickening.  That wretched old pervert.  Sarge was one of a kind.  Still wish there were fifty more in the world just like him. When he passed away we thought we were going have to get a casket for Little Beau as well.  It was like it was his real dad laying there.  In some ways, it was.  That young man went through the seventh ring of hell after Sarge died.  Since I’d been through the fire, run from the rain and been saved, I knew what to do.  I got him up and out before he had a chance to wallow in a quagmire of self pity, doubt and depression.  I taught him how to grieve.  We worked at it.  Yes, it’s work!  Grief work.  He didn’t grieve alone, I grieved with him.  We all did. Sarge left a hole in our family we couldn’t find a plug large enough to fill.  It was so like him.  We irreverently compared the large hole in our hearts to another,— his.

After Sarge brought Little Beau back, we sat down and talked with him.  We asked Sarge to join us because we knew we were going to need him.  He and Little Beau bonded pretty tight over the last two years and Little Beau acknowledged Sarge as his Master.  I laid it out to both of them and why we had to get Little Beau out of the house. Sarge immediately took our view and said it was the best thing we could have done under the circumstances.  I gave all credit to Master Wolf.

“Wise man!” said Sarge.  We all agreed.  Little Beau was stunned.  He just sat there with Sarge’s big arm around him.  He didn’t know what to say or think.

“If you want to stay with Sarge a while longer we have no problem with that, Son.”  I told him.  “Maybe, it’s better you talk it out with him first.”

“No, Beau, Sarge knows I love and respect him but I also know, without asking, he’d want me to talk this out with my Godfathers and then with my Master.  Am I right, Master?” he looked at Sarge for approval.

“You know you’re right, sweet baby, you didn’t even have to ask.  You need to talk to your immediate family first and then your old Master’s arms will be waiting for you to listen.”   Little Beau started crying and told Sarge he really, really loved him, hugged and kissed him.  That’s just what the kid needed was support from those who loved him most.  We did, and for all my ragging about Sarge, I knew in my heart he loved Little Beau, too.

Days went by and Little Beau wouldn’t talk to me. The summer was coming to an end, and I suggested we get away together for a weekend.  We planned a ride out to the desert to Master Zack’s and Will’s.  He thought that sounded good.  He was in good spirits and didn’t seem preoccupied with the news.  His other Godfathers accompanied us of course.  We took my bike and he rode buddy with me.  He loved the big bikes like I did when I rode behind my Master and my giant.  He loved wearing his leathers we bought him and he loved to see me in mine.  He thought I was the epitome of a biker dude (as he called me) with all my tattoos and body jewelry.  He asked me to ride by the side of the Dungeon Master and just a bit behind so he could look at his big boots as he rode his bike.  Like Godfather, like Godson.  Peeps was going to be as big a boot slave as I was.  We’d laugh and giggle when we saw some man with a really hot pair of boots and whisper to each other what we’d do to him if we could.

Master Zack, Will and Josh were so glad to have us there and we had a lovely weekend.  He slept between the Dungeon Master and I but he still wouldn’t open up to us.  I discussed it with Master Zack and Josh while Little Beau and Will were playing in the pool.  Josh asked if he could try something.  I said sure.  I’d seen Josh pull some rabbits out of hats that shouldn’t have had rabbits in them to begin with.

Later we were in the big spa together after a wonderful dinner Will cooked.  Josh motioned for Little Beau to sit in his lap.  Little Beau moved slowly and made himself comfortable just in front of Josh.  Master Josh enfolded him with his big arms.  Peeps admired and respected Josh greatly.  He sat there in Josh’s lap and the  five of us continued our conversation about nothing in particular.  Time passed and I looked over at Little Beau and saw big tears rolling down his cheeks like salt water boulders.  He wasn’t actually crying, they were just coming from somewhere deep within.  Then I knew, Josh was healing something or at least breaking the dam for the flow to start.  Josh wouldn’t let him go even though he asked to be excused.

“No, little one, you need to sit right here for a while longer. That’s a loving order from this Master, Son.”  He held him tight for about another half an hour.  Then the dam broke big-time.  Josh let him go and Little Beau headed straight for my arms.  It all came pouring out.  Years of pain, rejection, frustration, anger, hurt, hatred, envy and everything else one could think of.  I held him while he cried and cried. Zack, Will, Big Jim, Chief, Blaine and Josh gathered close to put their hands on him for support and comfort.  It helped.

Little Beau kept saying over and over, “How could he...? How could he...?”

“There, there, Baby Beau, the worst part’s over.  Healing can begin, thanks to Master Josh.  There, there, shhhuuuu.....it’s gonna’ be fine.  Your Godfathers ain’t gonna’ let anything happen to you that you ain’t comfortable with.  Master Zack, can Little Beau and I go sit on your rock and watch the Sun go down?  I think we need to be alone for a while.”

“Sure, you know where it is. Nice place to be alone.  See you guys later.” I pulled on my leather pants and boots and made him pull his on too because I knew the minute the Sun went down it was going to start getting chilly. I led him hand in hand up the carved out steps up the side of the huge boulder to the natural ledge and sat him on the bench that Zack and Button built many summers ago.  I leaned him up against me and put my arms around him to hold him.

“You have to talk to me, Peeps.  You have to tell me what you’re thinking.  You have to let it out.”

“I’ve been so afraid to tell you how I feel, Beau.”

“Why, sweetheart?  There’s nothing you could tell me that’s gonna’ make me love you any less.”

“You sure?”

“You have my word.”

“I want him, Beau. I want my dad for my Master.  I’ve always wanted him as long as I can remember.  When I reached jack off age I fantasized about him fucking me and me sucking him off, night after night.  My bedroom closet’s back wall is the wall to our bathroom at home.  I drilled a tiny hole through the wall so I could look through at him in the raw.  I used to sit there watching him jack off on the toilet and get mine the same time he did.  I used to dream of taking his come and swallowing it.  One time he came in a rag and threw it in the dirty clothes hamper. When no one was looking, I took it to my room and sucked his come out of it.  It tasted wonderful, Beau.

I don’t care how he wants to love me Beau, if that’s the only way I can have my dad’s love, so be it.  I need him Beau.  I never had his love.  Can you imagine me being his slave and taking care of all his needs.  Having sex with my dad is the greatest thing I could think of happening to me.  I never thought in a million years it might happen.  Then this last week I began to think it just might.  I have to see him on my own though.  I have to be with him.  I have to see if what he’s telling you is true.  I don’t fully believe it, yet.  Until he takes me in his arms and kisses me, I won’t believe it.  I didn’t want to say anything before now because I though you might get upset and think I’m really sick.”

“Beau?” I began a question “How could I be upset with you when I’m as guilty in my feelings for you as your dad?  I’m your Godfather for cries sake and I’ve been making love to you.  How much different can it be?  Besides your old man is a hot son of a bitch. My Master sent me to him that night he came to visit to pleasure him and he fucked the snot out of me, twice.”  Little Beau giggled.

“Was he good, Beau?”

“Dearheart,— your old man still has it.  He can still send this old slave into outer space without a booster rocket.”  We  laughed.

“Then you understand why I might want him?”

“Oh, God, yes!  I’d be lying if I said ‘no.’ But is that what you really want?”

“What harm could it do to try my old man?  I’ve never had much affection from him and to pleasure him might be just what the both of us needs.  I can’t help but love him, Beau, he’s my dad for gosh sakes, but to put your mind at rest, I won’t become his slave without his full measure of love. If I see it’s going to be the same old thing, I’ll never commit to him.  I’m an adult now.  I have that choice.”

“Yes, you do!  All right, but I’m not going to let the two of you jump into this. You have two other Godfathers to convince as well and they won’t be as easy or understanding as I am.  You have other people to think about. What about Sarge?  You just gonna’ dump him because your dad snaps his fingers and wants you for his little slave boy?  I don’t think so.  First of all, I think you love that dirty old man too much to do that to him; secondly, I won’t let you do that to a man I cherish, who has been more than good to you.  Sarge loves you very much.

Then what about school?  I won’t allow you go with your dad until after you graduate and go to Vet school.  That may be four more years.  I’ll allow him to date you and come see you, but no permanent living arrangements.  After that, if the two of you still want to be Master and slave then you go through training like all the other slaves for three months.

Hey, who am I kidding, here?  You’re twenty one years old. I can’t really tell you what to do, but if you’re living with us, I expect you to listen to your Godfathers and abide by our wishes.  Your Godfathers love you too much to hang school over your head and say,

“Well, you have to do this or no school.”  We’d never do that to you.  Even if you go against our wishes, we’ll still see you through school.  We love you and that’s why we’re concerned.  Furthermore, I want him to come down to San Diego to live with you. If he wants you bad enough he’ll do it.  Start out together on a new turf.  Don’t go back into his world.  Insist he begin to think of you as his slave and not as his son.  You both must start to set aside the fact that he’s your parent.  He must realize you’re an adult and doing this because it’s your choice and not his due as your dad.  Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

“I understand completely, Beau.  You’re trying to look out for me and my happiness, and I love you for that.  All you guys.  You all watch over me like mother hens and I want you to know, I appreciate it,— always have.  Other than my brothers and sisters my Godfathers are the only source of real love I’ve had in my life.  That’s why I didn’t want to disappoint you by telling you this; how I really felt about my dad wanting to make love to me.  I would lay in his arms in a minute.  Do you realize he has never held me in my life, Beau.  Never even put his arms around me.  Do you know what that would mean to me to have him do that?”

“I think I can, little one, I think I can.” He started crying.

“He’s never even told me he loved me, Beau.”  Then the flood gates opened again.

God, what parents won’t do to their children.  Look what mine did to me.  They made a family slave out of me at an early age and then just came to expect it of me as time went on.  Who among us who suffered miserable childhoods wouldn't love go back and restructure those years as we felt they should have been.  We can't.  It’s as simple as that.  We have to make the best of what was thrown on our plate.

Some folks spend their lives not living but trying to get over their childhood.  Some never do.  How is it, in comparison to the number of years we spend on this planet less than twenty of those years can have so much influence on us?

Little Bill had a great life compared to Peeps or me.  Give me Bull and Charlie as parents any fucking day in the week compared to what Jake did to Little Beau.  He really doesn’t deserve the kid but Little Beau is head over heals in love with his own dad.  What can any of us say to him?  “No, this isn’t right?” Little Beau is an adult.  He can damn well do what he wants.  The most I can do is try to impose restrictions to soften the worlds colliding.  If Jake goes along with our concerns and plans for Little Beau without being ‘Bull of the Woods’ demanding, then let them do it!  Incest?  Maybe, but it’s not  too likely they’re going to give birth to an idiot child.

We sat on the bench and watched the Sun go down and the stars come out as I held him in my arms.  I felt his anticipation.  He had finally just given up on his dad and decided, as so many gay men do, to find a substitute.  Now, he had the doors to a new world opened to him and he was eager to cross the threshold.  In a sense, having a Master is the same as having a strong parental figure in your life.  Structured a little differently perhaps, but the roles and results are pretty similar.  Some need it more than others.  Some only fantasize they need it, but won’t give themselves to the reality.  They just can’t get over their rebellious teenager syndrome.  If they only knew,  it was the key to passing into a mature, comfortable, giving, sharing, adulthood.  We talked some more and I pointed out to Little Beau he already adequately replaced his dad with Sarge who went out of his way to show him love and appreciation.

I knew I might as well be whistling ‘Dixie’ in a hurricane.  He had to try his dad.  He was like a moth to a flame.  I felt it. I knew it.  Who was I to hold him back from the candy dish.  Hell, I had it pulled away from me too many times in life to count and it hurts every time.  I told him how satisfied his dad seemed after my Master sent me to him and how appreciative and docile he was the next morning.  I told him about my Master suggestion I go to Los Angeles twice a month to run interference for him (Little Beau) until he can sort out the mess or until he gets through school.

That’s what his family in San Diego is most concerned about.  He’s doing so well in school.  He’s happy with us and Sarge.  Why rock the boat.  He has the rest of his life to explore that avenue with his dad.

I did get an agreement out of him.  He would tell his dad his Godfathers were now his accepted parental figures.  He was living under their roof, being supported by them, and he felt obligated to abide by their wishes.  He agreed he would tell him the truth about Sarge.  That he found a man he felt comfortable calling Master who gave him a great deal of unconditional love and was training him to be a good slave.  He promised to tell his dad Sarge was supportive and caring and he felt he had obligations to him.  Little Beau would  make it quite clear that he had no intention of dumping Sarge.

When we returned to San Diego there was a night letter that had been delivered Saturday evening. It was from Master Wolf:

Dear Beau's (Big & Little),

I've taken the liberty of dictating some thoughts to my secretary in the form of letter concerning father/son homosexual dalliances. (Fancy name for 'gettin' it on'.) I’ve had several cases in my experience and they are not as rare as one might think.  Sometime they occur by accident.

I had a man in his early forties come to me all upset.  He met a young kid and they fell very much in love. They had been living and cohabiting ( i.e. fucking like snakes) together for several years.  Out of the blue he got a letter from his ex-wife who left him shortly after his son was born.  She disappeared with the boy, and he never saw or heard a word from her about the child in all these years.  He was stunned. She traced him though a mutual friend of their families and sent him a letter.  She was asking his help because the kid ran away from her world and she hadn't heard anything from or about him in three years.  Could he help?  She enclosed a picture.

Well, guess who the picture was of?  You guessed it!  His little love. What are the chances?  The fickle finger of fate?  He came to me because he loved the kid as a mature older man loving a younger learning man.  It was sort of a Daddy/boy kinky leather S&M relationship.  The kid was twenty when they met and was now almost twenty-four. While he felt guilty he also didn't want to give up the relationship.  Should he be honest with his son or should he destroy the letter and picture and just keep quiet about it?

What would you have advised the father if you were his therapist?  I told him absolutely share the letter and the picture with his son.  Do it in a wholesome manner.  Preface showing him these things with a talk about what he is about to discuss with him in no way alters his feelings toward the boy.  He still will be his lover, Master and/or Big Daddy (whatever!), and it will probably be even better because of the news.  Tell the kid he’s not upset and still loves him very much, probably more now than ever.  Not to let this destroy something wonderful they shared together for almost four years.

He did exactly as I told him and while the kid was visibly shaken he immediately accepted the fact his father had indeed become his lover and Master and he didn't choose to give that up either.  Since his wife had been such an asshole all those years to keep them apart they decided the father would write her a nice cordial letter telling her he checked all areas he knew to check and he found nothing.  The kid, for whatever reason, never wanted to have anything to do with her again.  They are still together after eight years and very happy.

While incest occurs far more frequently than anyone would like to admit there are more tolerable forms of it than others.  For example, father/son homosexual bondings are tolerated better than father/daughter or brother/sister.

Father/son relationships of this nature occurs ten times more frequently among Brits than American.  Why?  We don't know.  Perhaps, they've got tighter bums?  Who knows?  Also, I would suspect, (not founded in fact) that the number of cases of father/son relationships are higher than any one has ever guessed but because of their clandestine nature are rarely reported. Hope this information is helpful.

Sincerely,
Master Wolf

Little Beau entered his Junior year at U.C.S.D. and was involved with school, our household and Sarge.  I began bimonthly trips to see Jake and we fucked like two alley cats in heat.  He was always so happy to see me and sad to see me go; however, he knew I’d be back in another two weeks so he was satisfied for a while.  I talked to him about selling the big house and moving to a smaller one in San Diego.  He said he’d think about it.

Master Wolf suggested  they begin to date if Dad Jake was interested.  He was.  He would drive down, stay with us and date his Son.  We didn’t care if they went out and got a motel room but they couldn’t do it at our place.  That was Master Wolf’s suggestion as well.

Things went well until Sarge got sick and passed away that summer Little Beau finished his junior year.  Sarge made him promise on his death bed he would finish school that next year and he did.  He grieved all that summer and into the school year.  He didn’t want to see Jake for a while.  I was still traveling up to Los Angeles twice a month.  I started going by Amtrak and Jake would pick me up at the local station.  I explained why Peeps couldn’t see him for a while.  He seemed to understand.

Little Beau went through vet school and began to transfer his love for Sarge to his dad.  Jake bought a small place not far from us and began to see  more and more of Peeps.  His attitude completely changed.  He paid for the last year of Little Beau’s college and vet school.  They began to have sex regularly even though Peeps continued to live with us through vet school.  That was one graduation we didn’t have to drag Jake to.  He was there with us and about twenty-five surviving family members, yelling and screaming.  Jake let loose the flood gates of love for Little Beau and that was exactly what the kid needed.  It was what Jake needed, too.

Little Beau became a successful veterinarian in a small suburb of San Diego.  After going through three months of slave training with the Dungeon Master and Chief, Jake made a claim for him, paid for Little Beau’s  slave training and rewarded the two trainers handsomely.

Jake has made a better Master than any of us thought he might.  Peeps and his Dad have been living happily together for about five years now.  Jake bought a big Harley and they come to the limited family functions we have.  They’re at our house for dinner, weekends for pool, or we’re at their place.  Sometimes we go on a run somewhere.  We have a lot of fun with Jake and Peeps.  Little Beau seems to have found his bliss and why not?  His old man showers the kid with more love than you can imagine; however, Peeps waits on him hand and foot.  He loves his Master.  He has become his total slave.  His Master loves his little slave.

It’s worked out better than anyone ever expected.  Wouldn’t you know, that horny old goat Jake, still wants to diddle me every now and then.  My Master orders me to do it so I can’t say ‘no.’  Besides, he still can throw the meanest damn fuck into me any man ever has.

That’s where our family is today. The story of Little Beau Peep may upset some. It was a little disconcerting to us at first, but what the hell, isn’t love by any definition still love?  All of life is living, loving, giving, accepting and loss.  Our family has done its fair share of all those things but we remain together.  Not as many as in the golden years but in some ways a more quality group of men you can count on to be there when you need them.  I love them all.

8/31/01
Copyright 2006 ~ Waddie Greywolf
All rights reserved