Ame got pregnant. It had to be deliberate; she controlled when I fucked her and she controlled how. She didn't even tell me until she was a month along and having morning sickness every damn day.

Three months in, she was home sick a lot. By five months, her Doctor put her on bed rest which did nothing to improve her already short temper.

In the end, we both took the time off. She just quit the firm, refusing even to work online from home. I took an extended leave from the fishery. Not that it's that big a deal.

My Mom offered to move in with us but I decline. Neither of us is any good at keeping our tempers and I figure four months of bed rest was gonna have us crawling the walls and looking for a target. I'd rather Mom not be in the way of that. Still, she comes over fairly frequently - as does damn near every one in the family. I spend as much time answering the damn door as I do tending Ame.

When we're alone, we argue. A lot. Stupid shit. All it really boils down to is that she's bored and worried and I'm worried and frustrated. I wanna spend my time away from her but every time I'm gone for more than half an hour, I start worrying about her. Peter tries to help but I wind up starting a fight with him and coming home with a sore shoulder. By the end of the second month, I'm sleeping on the couch. We can't even do the new parent bullshit - paint the nursery, buy baby junk, take a Lamaze class together.

The big fight comes when we take her in for her umpteenth doctor's appointment and he recommends a c-section.

"No." Ame's voice is flat. I know before the discussion even starts that the fuckin' sun will cool before she changes her mind but the jackass of a doctor has to try an' 'get her to see reason'.

"Ms. Wilson, natural birth is painful at best. In your case, I believe it will be dangerous for both you and the babies." I still get a shiver every time I hear 'ies'. "A caesarian will be best and-"

"No."

"Now, I realize that you may -"

"No."

I finally cut in, "Doc?" he looks at me, "She said no. If-n she has ta say it again, you an' me gonna have a whole new conversation, hear?" He looks for a moment like he has something more to say. Then he drops the topic and asks Ame what exercises she's been doing.

In the car home, we're both silent until she says, "Thank you."

"For what?" I haven't done much deserving of thanks lately.

"For standing by me on the natural child birth issue. You went a little trailer park but apparently, that's what he needed to hear. So. Thank you."

I shrug, "It's important to you. And anyway, that's the kind of thing they can switch to at the last minute if they need to."

"No."

"What?"

"No."

I'm in traffic so I can't actually look at her but in my one quick glance, I see tears. I pull over fast. "What? What's going on, Amelia?"

"My mother wasn't strong enough…"

"…It's ok…"

"…Amanda didn't even try…"

"…shh, shh, shh, you'll be ok. You'll be ok."

"…I don't want to be a fake mother Alex…" She's hysterical. I undo both our seatbelts and hold her as best I can, "…I can't, Alex, I can't…"

"You won't be I promise."

"You won't let them take it from me?"

"Take what?"

"Motherhood."

I have no idea what she's talking about, "No, what? Ame, no. No one's taking motherhood from you. Shh. It's ok."

She pushes me away, "Promise me."

"I promise."

She gasps in disgust, "You are such a fucking liar. You don't even know what you're promising, do you?"

"Ame, what ever it is, in the end we are gonna have two beautiful kids so just -"

"Promise me that it will be natural only."

"Ok, natural only." I catch her eyes, "Natural only. If an emergency comes up, we'll deal with it then."

"No dealing, Alex."

"What?"

"Natural. I live or die as my fate. No c-sections, no chemicals, no meddling. Either I'm strong enough to be a mother or I'm not."

It takes a minute for her meaning to sink in. "No. Oh, fuck no. No. No fucking way. You think I'm gonna let you die because you want some fucking pain fixation about your mother? No fucking way." I think I'm as hysterical as she is.

We probably sit there another half hour crying and arguing. I don't have anymore chance than the doctor did. I agree. I tell myself as I re-start the car that I'm lying to her; that if anything happened I will authorize any and everything to save her life but I know the truth. This is worse than a direct order. Ame cried.

Even with the bed rest and the other precautions, she goes into labor almost a month early. I came into her room with breakfast and found her grimacing in pain. I dropped the damn tray and she made me clean the rug before she let me touch her. So I knew whatever kind of pain she was in, she could bear it. I'm an evil shit, so I take my time cleaning. While I'm in the kitchen getting a rag, though, I stop and call her doctor and Amanda.

By the time I finish with 'breakfast', she's smiling. "They're not that bad." She says mildly, "I've done worse to you."

"You say that now." I can't help chuckling at her, "Let's see what you say in a few hours." I don't let her argue about going to the hospital. Just pick her up and put her in the car. I even laugh when she struggles to get out but her stomach just makes getting in and out of the car hell for her.

"You're a little shit." She spits finally.

"You have our whole lives to pay me back for this, but the last seven months are the only time that I will ever see you fat, awkward, sweaty, hair wrecked, no makeup, no dignity…."

"…asshole…"

"Your language has been atrocious." We're at a light, so I steal a kiss, "And even when you've been an utter bitch, I've never loved you more."

"It'll never happen again."

"That's why I took pictures."

She gasps and punches me in the arm. I almost swerve as I laugh and she doubles over as another contraction hits. "When did you take pictures, you shit?" she forces out from clinched teeth.

"Mostly while you were asleep." She can't be too bad off, I reason, she's still pissed at me.

"Oh! You asshole!" she hits me again when she gets her breath back. "I hate you, Alex McElroy."

"Yeah? 'Cause I love you Amelia Wilson." I try to keep this spirit up the whole trip but it's almost an hour to her preferred hospital and while the contractions don't seem to get closer, she does seem to get worse - more tired, more pain, less lucid.

I get her checked in and up to a room. They throw me out while they undress her and do the initial exam so I go in the hall and call Peter and Mom so they can call everybody else. When I come back in, the nurse is about to stick Ame with a needle. I grab her wrist and twist slightly, "What is that?" The woman nearly shrieks. I hold her until the doctor and a dozen others come running in. It's almost a minute before I realize that Ame is trying to get my attention. "Yes, Ma'am?"

"If you're going to be stupid all day, you can wait in the car."

It takes a minute for the adrenaline to level off some, "Yes, Ma'am." I let the nurse go. She rubs her wrist like that actually hurt.

"Go wait outside til I call you. I'm fine. Did you bring my suitcase?" I shake my head; I didn't actually care about getting anything but her. "Then go home and get it."

"No, Ma'am."

"What?" The doctor tries to interrupt us but she waves him off. "What?"

"I'll leave the room Ame, but I'm not leaving the building til you do. I'll get some one to get your bag. You want anything else?"

She winces as another contraction starts, "No." she pants for a second then looks at me, "Just wait outside."

I go outside and call Peter again.

"I'm on my way, dude. How you holdin' up?"

I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

"Alex?" I still can't reply. "Alex." It's command form; I haven't heard it in years but I still know it, "Go get yourself some breakfast. I'll meet you at the front desk in" he pauses, "thirty minutes. You cool?"

Breakfast. Thirty minutes. "Yeah." My voice finally works, "Yeah, I'm cool."

He hangs up.

My parents get there before Peter does and I take them up to her room. She greets them graciously and throws me out again. Peter finally arrives about the same time Amanda and Foster do. They go up stairs; Peter stays with me. He doesn't ask much. Most of the day goes by and by dinnertime, most of the McElroy clan is loitering in the lobby but no babies have made an appearance. I'm going stir crazy.

I finally corner her doctor, "What the fuck is goin' on?"

"Mr. McElroy, babies come when they come. Your wife is a good month premature anyway. Frankly, we should stop this labor and wait another few weeks. But the longer this takes, the better for them."

"So stop it."

"She's refused the treatment. I was coming to find you to discuss this with her."

Treatment. "There's no way she can just close her legs and count to ten? Stopping it has to be chemical?"

"Oh, there's no serious danger to the fetus. Premature birth is more dangerous."

I shake my head, "No drugs."

"Sir, this is…"

I reach out but Peter grabs my arm, "No drugs." I repeat. "What do I have ta say? She wants to do this naturally. If-n they comin' t'day, they is comin' ta-day. Are we clear on that point, Doc?"

He stares at me then relents. "We are very clear."

I take a deep breath, flex and look at Peter. He lets my arm go. "Ok. What happens next?"

"Next we wait. At some point, your wife will hopefully dilate enough to deliver. Then the neonatal unit will take the babies and hopefully they will only be up there for a day or so."

I nod. "Thank you, sir. I promised her."

He nods. I think he might even understand. I go back up and risk peering into her room. She's asleep. Beth's with her. I take over holding her hand 'til she wakes up. It's another contraction that wakes her. This isn't pain - it's torture. If another person were doing this to her, I would tear them in half. If I could do this for her, it wouldn't even be a question. But my Ame is lying here suffering and won't let me do a thing to stop it.

"Where were you?" she whispers.

"Downstairs."

"They tried to stop it."

"I know. I talked to the doctor. I think he understands now. They won't try again."

She settles down.

"If I die, give them to Amanda." She says suddenly. I can't speak. I know I didn't hear her right. "I already spoke to her about it. She said yes."

"Fuck no."

"You can't keep…"

"Amelia, no. Fuck no. Not only no but hell no. Over my dead body. If I lose …" I can't say that. I can already feel tears falling, "Peanut Butter."

She laughs. "Oww. Alex. How can you make me laugh now?"

"I'm not laughing, Ame."

"I know. Peanut Butter. Ok. I just…. Dad didn't have any choices. He was just saddled with us and stuck. I didn't want -"

"Your father wasn't saddled with you. He loved you. Yeah, he missed your mom, but if you think he woulda traded one minute with you or Amanda for anything, you're delusional."

There's a tap at the door and the medical team comes in a poke and prod her for a few minutes. She's finally up to eight centimeters. Two more and this can rock. "Come on, Ame. Second and goal."

"If you're going to make football metaphors, you can go home right now."

"You're beautiful when you're angry."

"She's always angry." Peter says from the doorway.

I shrug, "She's always beautiful."

"Take him home, please, Peter. He's getting on my nerves."

"Alex, go home." He says casually.

"Fuck off."

He looks at Ame and shrugs, "Sorry. How you holdin' up?"

"I'm fine." She winces through another contraction and I look helplessly at Peter.

"Ame, you don't have to go through it like this." He starts.

"Get out." She hisses.

He stops, shakes his head and mouths 'downstairs' before he closes the door.

It's another twenty-four hours before the doctor pulls me out in the hall. "We are now entering the stage where the tables are turning. She's not dilating any further and the longer she stays in labor, the more at risk the fetuses are. We need to either force dilation or stop the labor and we need to pick one now. Which is she more likely to agree to?"

I shrug helplessly, "Neither. Unless you can do it without anything but 'natural' methods."

He thinks fast. "We could force the dilation. It's painful and it may not work. But we could try."

"Do it. I'll tell her. No drugs, right? She sees a needle, we gonna have problems."

"She won't see a needle." Which isn't exactly the same thing but I don't question it. I just go tell her what's going on.

When the Doctor and a pair of nurses come in, we get Ame in the necessary position. I stand in front of her, blocking her view of anything other than me. The Doctor starts droning on about working as an assistant to a mid-wife and I lose the thread of the conversation real fast. All I can see is Ame in pain. For me. She didn't want kids - that was my request. I couldn't be the only McElroy without a son, oh no, not me and Ame gets to suffer for my arrogance.

There's a lot of movement behind me. I look around, "What?"

"Ok, Alex, Ame - I think we're ready to have a baby." The Doctor sounds cheerful. I feel exhausted but I smile at Ame anyway.

"Ok. You ready?"

"I don't want to do this." She terrified. I try to calm her and one of the other nurses takes her other hand and gives us a crash course in Lamaze.

At first, we can both concentrate on puffing and blowing but as soon as the pushing starts, she's just too tired. She wasn't built for this. My Ame is delicate. We're both crying and yelling and some of her insults are damn creative - she must have spent more time on the dock than I knew. It seems like forever hearing her scream in my ear. I vow that this will be the last time Ame feels pain of any kind.

"MOM! DAD!" The Doctor's voice cuts across us both and stops us both mid syllable. "We're done. Relax. Take deep slow breaths."

Ame collapses into the bed, a sweat-soaked mess. I look around, "Where is he? Her? Them? Whatever."

"NIC-ICU." The Doctor lifts a calming hand, "they're both very small and they were having trouble breathing." Ame moans; something in the room starts beeping and the Doctor and the nurses start moving around her fast. One of them starts to lead me out.

I fight for a minute until I realize that fooling with me is distracting them from her. I get the Doctor's attention one last time, "Whatever you need to do; she can argue with me later." I wander my way to the lobby. Damn near everyone in the family is still there.

There's a lot of gasping when they see me. I look down and realize why - I'm almost as wrecked as Ame is. There is blood spatter from the delivery on one side of me and from Ame's nails in my arm on the other. My Mom and Peter help me into the nearest chair. Then everyone looks at me and waits.

I don't know what to say. I was there and I don't know what the fuck happened.

Finally, Aunt Rachael says, "We know she went into delivery. Is…is Ame ok?" I nod. "Good. Did she deliver?"

I nod again, "Two." I hear everyone sigh in relief and Uncle Julius gives a short prayer.

"Ok." Aunt Rachael announces, "Everything else can wait. You four - coats. We're going home." I can hear the universal groans of unhappy teens, "Come on, it's a school night. Cell phones work, they'll call if anything happens. Move."

I take a deep breath. "Yeah, Everybody. Take off. Ame's still in -" my voice catches and I try to clear my throat. "The - uh - kids up in the nick-u or whatever they call it and ain't no need fo' nobody ta hang 'round here. Go on home. I'll call if - if - whatever." I put my face in my hands and try not to sob - I cannot stop the tears, I've given up on that. I feel the movement around me and a sudden stillness - aside from me shaking at least.

Then Uncle Julius starts praying. Throughout my life, there has always been church and prayer. I wish it was Granddad; I always had the feeling Granddad's prayers ended with an unspoken 'or else'. Let them live God, or else. I'm walkin' outta here with uh wife an' two kids or Ima come up there an' you don't won' me comin' up there. Ame's not religious. I wish she could see this, feel this love. I wish she were here. God please.

The prayer ended without my notice. There are two sets of arms around me. I realize that of all things, I fell asleep which jolts me awake. The arms and the corresponding soothing voices belong to Mom and Peter. It's daylight already. Amanda hands me a cup of coffee. I hold her hand for a second before I take it.

"Ok," I say after two or three sips, "What'd I miss?"

"Not much." Peter stretches. "The answer to every question is "stable for now but let's wait and see."

"Fuck."

"Oh yeah. Been sayin' that a lot tonight."

"Where's she?"

"Which she?" Mom asks quietly.

"Ame!" I snap, "What the fu-" then I stop cold, "A girl? We have a girl?"

"One of each."

I grab Mom and hug her 'til she hollers. It's like sunshine. I'm a Father. I have a little girl. And a son. The next McElroy. "Can I see 'em?" I jump up and find a nurse. Peter is right behind me to hear the nurse saying how sorry she was and directing me to the Doctor - who is off shift.

"Alex." His voice stops me before I can start a rampage. "Breakfast. Now."

For a moment, I contemplate punching him first. He doesn't understand. He doesn't have kids - he's not married. He's been so….

He's been so wrapped up in taking care of my life that he's never had time for his own. Now he has Trina and Trina's kids. He understands. I let myself fall into his arms and he holds me. He gives me a couple minutes then gives me a light shake.

"Come on, pull it together. Fag."

I laugh - or cry, I'm not sure which - and punch his shoulder, "Asshole." We go get Mom, Amanda and Foster and go scrounge some food in the cafeteria. Only the self-serve is open so there's not much. We spend most of the meal complaining about how bad the food is. It's about an hour or so but I begin to feel a little less ragged. And a little more focused. I have a phone. I pull it and call Ame's doctor.

He sounds like I woke him, "I wanna to see Ame. I wanna see my kids. Put 'em in any order you like but I wanna see 'em now." I glance at the worried faces around me, "An' the family. They need ta see 'em too."

He sighs deeply. "I'll meet you on the 5th floor."

When we get there, he looks like I woke him, "You look like shit." I offer as a greeting.

"I've got rotten patients." He says with a sour look at me. He asks the nurse at the desk for Ame's chart then reads and yawns as we walk down the hall.

He taps lightly on a door before opening it into a room with Ame, IV'd, asleep on the bed. I take her hand, kiss her cheek, and feel her warmth. She's too pale and her breathing is too labored - but it's hers. No machines. Mom asks all the right questions about what happened; I just sit with her. Amanda sits on the other side.

"Thank you." I say softly.

"Your welcome. For what?"

"Ame told me she asked you to, uh, take care of them if, you know, something…"

"Oh. Yeah, well, I didn't really - I mean, I knew nothing would happen. So it didn't really matter what I said."

"Yeah. But she wanted to hear yes, so. Thank you."

A nurse struggles into the room and Amanda moves aside to allow her to poke and prod my poor Ame some more. She winces and wakes slowly.

Her eyes are still beautiful but glazed and clearly not focused. "Good morning." I say softly.

"Oww. Bitch." She mutters. I smile. Identity confirmed. I stroke her cheek and she turns toward me, "Alex?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Did I do it?"

"Yeah. Twins. One girl, one boy."

"By myself?"

"Just you, Amelia, just you."

"Where are they?"

I hesitate, "They're sleeping." I kiss her cheek, "I'll bring 'em down when they wake up. You go on back ta sleep." She's halfway asleep already. I kiss her hand and her cheek and pull the covers over her shoulder. Peter's right behind me when I stand up, which is a good thing. I don't care if anyone questions how he's holding me, I'm glad of his support right now.

We all leave her room and file into an empty room across the hall. "That was the easy one, I'm afraid." Her Doctor says. "The good news upstairs is that the babies are both alive and stable. But they're both under weight -"

"Babies in our family run small." Amanda cut in "My Brittney was only five pounds, nine ounces."

"And Alex was SGA himself." Mom adds.

"These two are small." He says softly, "The boy's five pounds even, the girl's four pounds, eleven. Now I'm not gonna lie to you - that's bad. I've seen worse but that's bad. There are" he hesitates, "Some developmental problems."

"What kind of developmental problems?" Peter asks for me.

"I'm talking physical. They're small and they're premature."

"So they're not finished - half-baked, so to speak." Mom puts in, "It was the same with you, Alex. We keep them warm, get some food in them. They'll be fine, sweetheart. Just fine."

I nod. I used to think I was a strong man. But I am fast learning how little I know about strength. I get my breathing under control and look the Doctor in the eye. "Ok. Let's go see 'em."

Two visitors at a time they say so Mom and I go first. They're small. I got sinkers bigger than them in my tackle box. "Dear God," I whisper, "Give them strength."

"Amen." Mom replies.

"It's time to feed them, Alex, would you like to hold one?" the voice is familiar. I look up to see my Aunt April - I had forgotten she was a nurse.

"Can I? I mean I don't wanna break 'em. They're so small." My voice breaks again as Aunt April guides me to a chair and wheels one of the plastic cartons holding my kids next to me. She picks one of them up and puts him in my arm - he's only just too big to fit in my hand. She gives me a bottle the size of a large eye-dropper and watches me while I feed my son for the first time ever. I can't think. I can't even move. If the world imploded it would still be insignificant in comparison to watching him. Slowly his lips stop sucking and fall slack. I start to move but he restarts. After a few minutes, his stops again. "April! April!" I hiss, "Somethin' wrong. He can't eat." She rushes over. "Watch, watch." I sit still and soon enough it happens again.

"Alex!" she huffs, "He's falling asleep. Babies do that."

"While he eats?" I can't imagine being that tired.

"Yes. Sit back. Stay still. When the bottle's empty he's done. Have you named them yet?"

"Yeah." Then I stop, "I mean we picked names but Ame has the final say."

"What were the final choices?"

"David and Candice. David La`nh Wilson-McElroy and Candice Marcia Wilson-McElroy." I hear a loud sniff from my Mom. She's sitting next to me holding the girl.

Candice. She's holding Candice; I'm holding David. Tears are streaming again. "Oh shit." I croak, "Are all new fathers like this?"

"Pretty much." April takes the bottle from me and shows me how to burp him. Then she lets me just sit with him. Soon, Mom gets up and settles Candice in my other arm. I'm overwhelmed. She leaves and Amanda comes in. And cries with me for a while. When she's done, Peter comes in. He's beaming like he's the father.

My vision blurs yet again, "Shit."

"Hey. Language."

"Oh, he-" I laugh. I'm gonna have to learn to stop swearing all over again. "Uh, darn." I get myself under some control and look at him. "I owe you everything."

He leans over and kisses me. Peter hasn't kissed me in years. If I had any chance of regaining my emotional composure, it's gone now.

"Guys!" April's voice snaps us back to respectable positions, "Public place." I look in askance at Peter and he gives the same look back to me. April doesn't seem even mildly surprised by that display.

I want to ask about it but David starts fidgeting. "Wait, wait." Peter says, pulls out his phone and snaps a couple pictures. Then he steps aside and starts dialing as April and the other nurses take the babies, weigh them, probe them and change their diapers.

"Do you want to hold them again?" A nurse asks when they're all clean an' pressed.

I smile, "Yeah." Actually, want to take them down to Ame but I doubt they'll let me if I say it. The nurse gets David settled on one arm and Candice settled on the other and I wait until they all have their backs to me to hurry out the door.

I'm stepping on the elevator when I hear April yelling my name. They'll probably throw me out of the building but I'll deal. When I get to Ame's room, I find Mom, Dad, Amanda and Foster with her. She's still kinda foggy.

But her eyes light up when she realizes what I'm carrying.

With Mom's help, I settle them into her arms. She's crying softly but I'm not. I'm grinning too much to cry now. April and Peter eventually find us. Any repercussions end once they see the three of them together. Ame's Doctor comes in to check on her and attempts to throw us all out. No one leaves. Not until it's feeding time and Ame decides to nurse them. I push my family out the door and Amanda helps Ame figure this one out. Thank God for sisters.

I swipe Peter's phone an' snap a couple pictures.

She gonna kill me for that.