Chapters

I didn’t know it when I got out of bed, but it was the beginning of the worst day of my life. I woke up, sore and still tired like I hadn’t slept at all – which I don’t anymore, not since…. Well, not in a few months at least. Definitely not since I had to come here.

I woke up, sore but typical and rolled out of bed and waddled my fat ass to the bathroom to do the stuff I do there. I dressed in my uniform, now required by all the local schools and walked to the bus stop. The private bus stop – the Redmonds didn’t want me to attend public school so they were actually paying for a private charter school. My new foster family was rich.

That was actually weird. People with money. My real family – Family? HA! My Mom was dealing and my dad I’ve never even seen. Mom was never sure who he was – she did manage to narrow it down to three guys but I never met any of them so, it didn’t really matter. And anyway, none of them had any money so Mom was dealing when they arrested her and sent me to a couple different foster homes until I finally landed with Marie. Before that, I went to a really crappy public school and I say that in a city who’s schools scored beneath third world nations for the three-Rs. But Mom didn’t care where I was so long as I wasn’t home or getting arrested so even when they told her the school was below minimum standards, she didn’t care. When she got arrested, Social Services had me tested and discovered that I was stupid and made me re-take a couple grades. I was always changing families. They’d take me because I was cute but send me back because of bad behavior. Finally, SS found Marie who figured that I just needed some ‘free love and guidance’ and SS figured that sticking me with her would shut the White lady up. The first thing Marie did was had me tested by some shrink who said I was ‘intellectually gifted but unchallenged and unmotivated’ so she found a school she figured would do something about it.

When I think of “mother” mothers, I mean the kind that care about you really and shit, I think of Marie. She was this weird, hippy, freaked out White lady but somehow she passed the test for foster parentage – meaning she filed out the form, had a pulse and lived in the District – and they figured she wouldn’t kill me while they found a Black family to be my ‘real’ foster family. I stayed with her for five years until things fucked up. Marie sent me to a public charter school that had this kind of one-room schoolhouse thing – all grades together. Some stuff worked, some stuff didn’t. It did at least get me up to my real grade level and even advanced in some things like reading and social studies. But, like I said, some stuff didn’t work.

They had The Program there but it was voluntary. So some kids went to school naked and some didn’t. I didn’t. Ever. I’m fat. I don’t mean, like plump or some shit. I mean at 16, I was 5’2’’ and weighed 170 at least. And that was after Marie helped me lose weight. Ms. Redmond – my current foster mother – keeps saying that she’ll help me get lipo or some shit if I want it but really, that’s a White people thing. Black boys like a girl with some meat. ‘Baby got Back’ isn’t just a song. I have never lost a date just because I’m thick. Then again, that’s what my problem is so maybe that’s not a good thing.

I didn’t even know – yet – if my new school had The Program or not. I had been placed with the Redmonds in July and they put me in this new high-class private school with kids who have money. Unlike my last school which was really mixed, or my old school which was damn near all Black with a couple Hispanics and like one White girl, this place was almost entirely White. There were a couple Black kids but they had money so they were oreos – black on the outside, white on the inside. There were two Asian boys, brothers, and four Hispanics and one girl from Saudi Arabia who was more stuck up than any White girl I’d ever met.

But it was only October. And I’d seen a couple naked people in class but I didn’t know if it was Program or outreach or what. I hadn’t made any friends – I hadn’t made any enemies either – so I had no one to ask really.

So. Monday, I had no idea how bad my day was going to suck. I rode the bus alone as usual. None of them talk to me, I don’t talk to them. Mostly these days, I read. But not fiction. Biographies mostly. Mr. Redmond collected them and said I could read them anytime so long as I didn’t crack the spines or damage the covers. He got me a leather cover that fit most of books so I didn’t get fingerprints on them. He was way cooler than Ms. Redmond but I saw him a lot less often. I guess even White kids don’t really have dads. I thought about them for a bit. I mean, if I had a choice, I’d be back with Marie. But the Redmonds weren’t bad. Ms. Redmond was all freaked out about being some perfect TV mom shit so she was way too far up in my business way too often. And Mr. Redmond was home to eat, sleep and change clothes. But he didn’t try and touch me like a couple ‘Fathers’ did and she meant well. For a minute, I thought my life might actually be getting kind of ok.

When I got to school, I went to homeroom. I opened my book – Benjamin Banneker today – and was all set to ignore the next twenty minutes of overhead announcements and whatever else happened in homeroom that I started ignoring the day they told me I could read during the period.

“TyShala?” I looked up when I realized that the teacher was calling my name. He was one of the few people around here who said it right – tie-shay-la. How hard is that really? “TyShala? Did you hear that?”

“What?” I hadn’t heard anything.

“You’re to report to the office.”

I groaned and put my book away. October. I made it to October without being called to the office – I thought I was in trouble I didn’t realize yet. I grabbed my backpack and made the short walk down the hall. When I arrived in the principal’s office, they looked at me like I was stupid – I hate that administrative bitch! – and sent me to the Nurse’s office. Nurse’s office. Ha! My old school had a rusty box of band aids. This place had a Nurse-Practitioner on staff.

When I got there, I was the second to last to arrive. Everyone else was already undressing.

“What the fuck?” I couldn’t help it. Too many thoughts slammed me at once.

“Oh, Ms. Brown! Did you have the Program at your prior school? Of course you did, it’s required now, isn’t it?” The nurse stepped over to me. “Have you had a Program Orientation yet?”

“I can’t do the Program.” I cannot do the Program – not now.

“Do you have a medical exemption? I’ll need to see it before I can let you return to class.”

“No.” But I should! I did have an old standby. “I’m a ward of the state. You have to get my fosters and the city to sign off on it before I can participate in anything.” The first time in my life I had ever been glad of that restriction!

“Oh not any more.”

“You don’t know DC.” The city didn’t actually care about foster children they just wanted to control them.

“Oh, sweetie, I guess you didn’t realize. The law changed. The Program is no longer voluntary. It’s required for graduation. We don’t need any signatures any more. So come on now, you’re partner is waiting and you don’t have much time before first period begins.”

Panic set in fast. “Please don’t make me! Please!” I burst into hysterical tears. It was easy – my mood usually swung from ok to angry but a side trip to miserable wasn’t a big detour.

The nurse put her arm around me and started to comfort me. The stopped abruptly and ran her hand over my stomach. I cried harder for only a moment and then, like a summer rainstorm, found the tears tapering off. I’d cried before and it hadn’t helped then either.

“Ms. Brown?” she was tentative. “Are you…” I nodded and she got me a tissue. “I see. Yes, that is…awkward.”

“What is?” a voice behind her said. A male voice.

I looked past her to see a naked, teenaged boy standing there. He looked crossed between wanting to help and fleeing from the scene of the crime. I suddenly realized that I knew him – kind of. He was in my homeroom and lived near me as well – we caught the same bus in the mornings sometimes. I couldn’t remember his name though.

The nurse looked at him then at me. “You could tell him or you could show him.”

“I’m not doing it!” I snapped but really, I knew. This was God being a vindictive bastard.

“It’s not a medical excuse, I’m afraid. In fact, I think several teachers will actually be pleased to see you.” She wiped my eyes. “Come on now. Let’s take off your jacket.” She undressed me, slowly. It was like a really nice strip search; she was gentle and kind but I was still being striped against my will. I knew when he realized what was going on.

“HOLY SHIT YOU’RE PREGNANT!”

A new round of tears started. Quiet ones this time. The nurse put my clothes somewhere and I stood there and let my partner get a good long steamy look at my beach ball belly.

What could I say? I could tell him the whole story – the boy at my last school who told me I was pretty and I was special. The new-age body temperature birth control method that Marie had me on – because drugs mess up the body, she said. Social Service’s flat refusal to let me abort it. Ms. Redmond didn’t actually want me; as soon as it was born, she was going to adopt the baby. SS only agreed to let her if she agreed to foster me as well.

Finally, quietly, the nurse spoke again. “I’m sorry, but the bell has just rung. I really have to send you to class now. Brian, will you make sure Tish-shilla knows the rules? Do you have any classes together?”

“Most of them, ma’am.” He picked up my books and his and started for the door. When he noticed I wasn’t moving, he stopped.

“Ms. Chapel….”

“She’ll be fine. She’s just a little embarrassed right now. Go on.”

He took my hand and pulled me slightly.

I took a heaving, sobbing breath and snatched my hand away. Then I marched past him and into the hallway. Embarrassed? Humiliated! Being an unwed mother is bad. Being a teenaged mother is worse. Being a Black, unwed, teenaged mother in a practically all White school? Proof of every negative stereotype possible! The only thing I was missing was welfare! Although, I was a foster child so that probably made up for it. I was going to have to parade my shame – the shame I’d managed to hide for almost three months! The shame I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life! It was going to be easy! Hide the pregnancy then, after I delivered, Ms. Redmond would have a new baby and I could go on like nothing had happened! Now everyone would know that the baby was mine. That I was too stupid to kill it when Marie first told me how! That….

A hand got a grip on my shoulder and stopped me before I walked into a door swinging open. “Tish-shilla! Slow down! Jeez!”

I turned to see my ‘partner’. I still hadn’t caught his name. He looked like a really nice boy. Sadly, I wasn’t really in the mood for nice. “So say it.”

“Say what?”

“Go on, White boy! Say it!”

“Say what?”

“Say I’m a slut. Or I’m a welfare-momma-to-be. Say it to my face, you gonna say it behind my back.” That’s what they all were going to say, anyway.

His face twisted distastefully. “I’m not gonna say that.”

“Yeah? Yeah?” I got in his face. “So what you gonna say?”

He hesitated and his eyes darted around me. “I think you’re beautiful.” He took a step back. “Look, uh…”

“You a damn liar.” The second bell rang before I could say anything more and I felt the rush of students clearing the hallway. I hadn’t even been aware of them being around us.

“Come on.” He said reaching out then not touching me. “We got to get to Sociology.”

There were no Reasonable Requests on our way to class. In fact, most people parted like I had the plague. Like it was contagious. He managed to get in front of me and open the classroom door.

“Ah, program particip-“ Mr. McKenna’s mouth hung open as he saw me enter the room. I glared at him and after a moment, he looked away. “Yes. Eh-hem. Program participants. Yes. Alright, class. Settle in. Do, uh, Mr. Loving, Ms. Brown, do either of you need relief?”

I stared at him; that was a joke. It had to be a joke. Next, he’d expect me to ask for volunteers!

“Ok.” Mr. McKenna began shuffling paper on his desk. “If you’d both then please get your text books and come up front. Class, today we were going to begin the section on the civil rights movement of the 60s but I’d like to jump just a little a head and discuss a sub-related issue. Interracial relationships.”

My partner’s head whipped up at the same speed mind did. “What? Oh, we’re not…I mean, I’m not…she’s…we didn’t…” the class began giggling at his verbal back-pedaling and I rescued him.

“Don’t worry. Nobody thinks you touched me.” I took my book and went to sit on the backward facing desk specially prepared to make program students feel special. I was happy to discover that the seats were a clean plastic and a pair of towels were discreetly tucked between them.

“OK. Quick survey, class: How many of you think that interracial dating is ok?” Every hand in the class went up. “Ok. How many of you think interracial marriage is ok?” Most of the hands stayed up. “And how many have actually gone on a date with someone not of your race?” Only a few hands stayed up. “So it’s ok for some one else but not for most of you?”

“I don’t know any minorities.” A blonde girl blurted out.

“Hello?” Bryant James, one of the Black boys I did hang with waved at her. “I’m right here.” The class laughed.

She had the grace to be embarrassed. “I know that! I mean I know you but I don’t ‘know’ know you. Not well enough to, you know, go out and stuff.”

“But that’s why you go out with someone,” a guy behind her said, “to get to know someone.”

“Yeah, I guess.” She didn’t sound convinced.

The discussion continued. Race and religion were both debated. How much difference is unique and exotic; how much is too much?

Finally Jeanette asked Bryant, “So am I cute? I mean, would you ask me out?”

I could see him grin but he had to turn all the way around in his chair to see her. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Do you find Caucasian girls attractive, Bryant?” Mr. McKenna asked. “Stand up, Jeanette. How does she compare to, say, TyShawla?” I was the only Black girl in the class.

There was a universal gasp as the spotlight got turned on me again. Things had been going well. No one had spoken to me since the discussion had started. I think people had forgotten about me and my condition. Bryant looked like he wanted to burn through the floor.

“Uh….”

“If, of course, she weren’t in a committed relationship,” Mr. McKenna said, “which, as far as any of you know, she is.”

“I’m not.” I said loud enough for everyone to hear. My partner let out a gasp that sounded a bit frustrated.

Bryant finally shrugged. “I guess I’d go out with either one. Shay-Shay’s not better, so much as more familiar. If I went out with Shay-Shay, I’d know what to expect.” A couple of the guys in the back of the class snickered at that. I wanted to get up and punch them but I can’t waddle that fast anymore. Instead, I just sat there and let them think I was a slut. “But I don’t go out with many White girls so, it’d be kinda different. My girlfriend’s Latina and I noticed that; the language, the food, and the kind of stuff she expects from me. It’s all a bit different than with a Black girl.”

“Ok. Ok. Fredrick! You raised your hand when I asked about interracial dating. What was your experience?”

Frederick hesitated and then, suddenly, blushed scarlet. “It was my Program week. One of the girls – Tiffany Dunbar, she graduated last year – anyway, she asked if I would take her out and we…uh…we went out for a while. I, uh, I didn’t get along with her family.”

“Ok. And that was important to you?” He nodded vigorously, still turning red and a few people continued to giggle. “Ok. So what attracted you to her in the first place?”

“Well, she kinda asked me out…”

“And why do you think that was?”

“uh…”

The dam burst and half the room broke up into laughter. My partner leaned over to me and whispered. “Fred’s hung like a horse. He was the most popular guy in school his program week. He had a line of girls waiting to go out with him. Would have kept them too if he weren’t…y’know. That way.”

Mr. McKenna was laughing too. “Ok. Let me ask different question. Would you do it again?”

Fredrick managed a sheepish smile. “I’d rather go out with her brother?” Which broke the class up and there was nothing but laughter for a couple minutes. Even I had to crack a smile. It was kind of a dumb question.

“Ok, ok! Let’s move on, people. Jeanette, who are you more attracted to – the unfamiliar as represented by Mr. James – stand up, Bryant – or the familiar as represented by Mr. Loving? Brian?” he gestured and my partner stood up.

Loving? His name was Loving? I rolled my eyes. How lame!

“Ms. Brown? You have an opinion at last?”

Mr. McKenna was looking right at me and I shrugged. “Not really.”

“Form one. Familiar or unfamiliar?” He gestured to Bryant and my partner. Mr. Loving. I glanced at Bryant, who was one of the few people I’d hung out with and was kind of a fox. And then I looked at Mr. Loving. He had wavy light brown hair and dark brown eyes. For some reason, I always notice hair and eyes first on a guy. His face was average but nice. His shoulders and chest were nice too – he wasn’t built like a jock but you could see that he didn’t spend all his free time playing video games either. Nice. Wide enough, smooth enough. Not snow white but kind of a creamy color. Not vanilla, vanilla bean. My eyes moved down his waist which was not that cut V-shape but not flabby either. His thighs were tight. They provided a muscular frame for his goods. Which seemed to wake up as I looked at them. OK, maybe stared would be more accurate. His hair down there was wavy light brown too and there was a lot of it. Mr. Happy made me wonder if Mr. Loving was half-black. “Ms. Brown? An answer, please.” I looked at Mr. McKenna and opened my mouth. And realized that I had forgotten the question. “Familiar or unfamiliar?” He asked again.

“Familiar.” I said. I don’t date White boys. I don’t.

“Ok. Everyone sit down. Ms. Brown. I’m going to ask you a personal question and you may answer it anyway you’d like. Interracial dating brings up the subject of interracial children. Now, during slavery, the child’s race was determined not by skin color but by it’s mother – creating the situation where people could ‘pass’ as White even though legally, they were determined to be Black. These kinds of distinctions still haunt children of mixed parentage. Ms. Brown, in light of today’s class discussion, what race is your child’s father?”

“He’s Black.”

Mr. McKenna went on but I didn’t hear him. I was waiting for someone to call me a liar. It doesn’t matter I kept telling myself. But I felt horrible about it. The father was White. I didn’t have my mother’s problem. I knew exactly who the father was – the first guy, actually the only guy I’d ever done it with on the one time we’d ever done it. He said I was pretty. That I was special. That he liked me in a special way. And I believed him. He said he’d make me feel good. He called me – how stupid am I? – he called me his ‘African Queen’ and I believed him. It made me sick. I couldn’t even face him after I found out. Even thinking about him made my stomach turn. He said every lame thing a guy can say and I hung on his every smooth well-rehearsed word of it. It made me want to puke.

Then I realized I was going to puke.

I had time to stand up. Then half the contents of my stomach spewed out. Not the right half – the half with it, pity.

Mr. McKenna dismissed class early and called the maintenance crew.

I swore all the way to the boys bathroom. It didn’t take long to clean up. Mr. Loving was waiting by the door with my backpack when I came out.

“Thanks.” I took the pack from him. “What is your name, anyhow?”

“Brian.”

“Brian. Right.” I checked to make sure nothing was missing then shouldered the bag. “I got trig next.”

“Yeah, actually, I’m in that one too.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. We’ve got everything except third period and fifth period together.”

“Oh.” I have six classes a day with this guy and I never noticed him. Not really.

The bell rang and classes flooded the hall. A couple guys called out to Brian. A few girls asked him for a Reasonable Request. Everyone stared at me like they expected an alien hand puppet to burst forth at any moment.

The second bell rang and Brian got the girls to let him go. His dick hit his stomach with an audible smack. He had a light sweat across his forehead. We looked at each other for a minute.

“We’d better hurry.” He said finally. “I’ll carry this for you.” And took my books.

We got to class late but Ms. Grant let him ask for relief anyway. Some girl I really didn’t know volunteered. She swallowed him. That’s what I should have done, I thought. My heart was racing, watching them. As soon as they were done, I had to go pee. I also had a short cry while I was in there. My whole body felt hypersensitive. Even my stomach wanted to be rubbed. I got myself under control and got back to class. The room went silent when I opened the door, everyone looking at me.

“All right, everyone, let’s open your books to page…”

I glanced at Brian and he looked away guilty. So while I was gone, they were talking about me. The nigger/slut. The knocked up nigger/slut. The stupid knocked up poor nigger/slut. I wiped some tears with the back of my hand, heard the class turn the page and turned one too. I didn’t know what we were doing because the book was blurry. Not that a stupid dumb knocked up nigger/slut like me understands math anyway. Not that it would do me any good. I’m just going to be another stupid dumb knocked up poor welfare-mom nigger/slut.

“TyShala?” Ms. Grant was kneeling next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “Do you want to go to the counselor’s office?”

“No.” I think I managed to say it.

“Come on, honey. I think you’d better go to the counselor’s office.” She pulled me up, gently, and helped me to the other side of the building. The nurse and the counselor shared a waiting area and she sat me there and left. I suddenly felt utterly alone and began actually weeping uncontrollably.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! It’s ok. It’s ok! Ms. Grant just went to find Ms. Chapel or Ms. Scott. I’m still here.” A hand touched my shoulder and then began rubbing my back. The body beside mine was warm and smelled comforting. I just cried for a while and they just held me. I’m not sure when I realized that it was Brian. How loving.

I started to giggle at that but Brian thought I was crying some more and held me tighter. Then I did start crying harder because Brian was holding me the way I thought Terrance wanted to hold me back when I thought he loved me. Now I know; no one was loving – it’s just a name.

The nurse gave me a very mild tranquilizer because I couldn’t get a grip on myself. They called Ms. Redmond but couldn’t reach her. They called Mr. Redmond; he came down to the school.

Part of me died just a little more. They called Mr. Redmond at his office and made him come down to the school for me.

“Do you need to go home, TyShala? Because if that’s what you want, I’ll take you home.” I hadn’t seen him like this – a little irritated, a little frustrated. “It’s not a problem. It’s ok.”

“No. No, I’m ok. I can stay.” Better to stay here than be there with him angry and her smothering.

He frowned even deeper. “Are you sure? Do not tell me I wasted my time coming down here.”

“No!” He’d been so nice up to now but I really should have known he’d be hiding something. “They needed to notify you that I was in the program anyway.”

He looked at the nurse. “You’re going to make her do The Program like that?”

“There’s no danger to the baby, sir. She’s not the first student to complete the program with child. Just the first student here.”

He frowned at her and then crossed the room to me. He put his hand on my chin but in a nice way and made me look him in the eye. “You sure you’re ok? You don’t need to go home?”

I swallowed hard. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be alone with him like this; he didn’t seem violent just really intense. “I’m sure. I’ll stay.”

He sighed and gave my knee a squeeze. “OK. Call my wife if you need anything.” He said on his way out of the office.

Ms. Scott, the school councilor came and sat with me after a while. “This was a bit of a shock for you today, wasn’t it?” I didn’t respond because I figured it was rhetorical. “How far along are you?”

“Six months.” I whispered. I couldn’t look at her.

“Amazing. How have you hid it all this time?”

I shrugged. “I’m big. Nobody knows me; nobody noticed.”

“When were you going to tell us here? We could have helped you.” She put her hand on my shoulder but I pulled away. “You could have put the baby in danger.”

“So? Like I want it!” I snapped. “I don’t care.”

“TyShala – have you talked to anyone about this?”

I did look at her then. Talk to anyone? Social Services sent me to a battery of doctors! None of them did anything except say ‘yup, she’s knocked up’ and ‘nope, it ain’t rape’ and send me home. Wherever home was that week. After Marie, before the Redmonds.

“If you’d like to talk to me…” she started but stopped at the look on my face. “Ok. I understand. Really. But if you ever need to talk, stop by, ok?”

I’d heard that before. They never meant it. White people lie. At least Black people don’t pretend to care; they just don’t care period.

She asked me some other questions like how it happened – I told her a stork flew in to my bedroom window – and did I plan to keep it and stupid stuff like that. She asked how the Redmonds were treating me. Was I seeing a doctor regularly.

“So, you haven’t mentioned your boyfriend yet. What does he think of all this?”

I don’t have many boy friends never mind a boyfriend! “What’s he got to do with this?”

“So the Father’s not involved? Does he at least know the child is his?”

I stared at her. “Why should he care?”

She sighed deeply. “TyShala….” She tilted her head slightly. “That’s a very pretty name. TyShala. Is it African? Do you know it’s meaning?”

I had to laugh. “African? Please! Yeah, South African. It means ‘yo momma on welfare’ in Ebonic.” Apparently she knew something about the south side of the city because she shook her head and sighed deeply again.

“We’re not all out to get you. I want to help you.”

“Yeah. You’ll help the good ones.”

“TyShala…we have a diversity group after school. I’d like you to join it. It focuses on bringing racial issues to light and ….”

She must have lost her damn mind. “Do I look like I need a diversity group? I’m the only diverse thing up in here! You people need to bring racial issues to light not me! I already know about racial sensitivity and shit!”

“Then maybe you’ll come speak to the group about what it’s like being so different from the norm…” She winced. “I mean, the larger percent of the student body. We are not a diverse school, it’s true. I’ve tried.” She leaned back in her chair. “It’s been a fight. Students don’t want to commute across town. Parents don’t or can’t pay the higher tuition – even with financial aide. And that’s after I find candidates with high enough test scores to get through admissions! Do you know how many minority applicants I had this year?” I shook my head. “One. You. Please don’t fight me. I need you. I need you to get through this. Especially now. If you can get through all of this – the program, the pregnancy, the school year – you can show me that I’m not wasting my time here.”

For a minute, she sounded like Marie. The whole ‘one love’ shit. White women always have to have some cause. Why does it have to be me? I heard the bell ring in the background. I didn’t want to go to class but I also didn’t want to sit here with her staring at me like I was some poor wet dog. “I gotta get to class.” I muttered.

She sighed again. “What about the group tomorrow?” I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes. “You need an excused absence for third period. If you don’t come to the group, I won’t give it to you.”

“But…” Cut class twice and you get a demerit. I can rack up enough of those without her help. She looked pretty serious. “Yeah, whatever.” I reached out expecting her to start writing but she shook her head.

“I’ll mention it to Ms. Shadowgard but you’ll get your pass after the group meeting tomorrow.”

“Bitch!” I muttered under my breath.

“Excuse me?” It almost sounded like she was going to laugh.

“Nothing. Can I go now?”

“Of course!” she put her hand on my knee before I could heft myself up. “Are you sure?” I rolled my eyes. “Fine! How did you hide this for so long?”

I shrugged as I picked up my book bag. “My stomach’s not really bigger just rounder. Actually, I lost some weight at first because I was on a diet and, you know, didn’t know about…it. Since my tits are so big, I just bought my uniform vests and jackets like a size too big and nobody can tell what I really look like.”

“What about in gym class?”

“No bra. They bounce around so much, nobody looks at anything else.”

She shook her head. “And that works? Amazing. Alright. Be careful – you’re bouncing around for two now. And honestly. If you want to talk or you need a break, stop by my office any time. Ok?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

I stepped out into the hallway. Brian was in front of the door getting a hand job from some girls. He looked up and then tried to get them to stop. It took a couple minutes. “Hey, Tish-shilla! You ok?”

“Why are you here?”

He blushed. Most of his body turned dark pink. “You’re my partner, right? I came to see if you were going to class or went home or what.”

“I’m going to class.” I turned and headed off. He caught up with me after a step or two but he didn’t say anything. I watched the student body look at us and whisper. Finally, I whirled on one girl. “What?”

“What?” she was startled but stepped up to me.

“You got something to say you can say it to my face!”

“I said it’s hard to get prego on the shot!”

“I wasn’t on the shot. What you got to say now?”

“Well only poor people and stupid people aren’t on the shot these days and since you go to school here, you can’t be poor so….”

Someone pulled me off her before I could pull her earrings out the hard way. That’s the main reason I don’t wear hoops anymore. And if you are ever in an argument and a girl takes her earrings off, step back. It was a minute before I stopped yelling at the bleached blonde bitch long enough to notice Brian and one of his friends all but dragging me down the hall.

“Get the fuck off me!” I shouted and pulled away from them.

“Jeez! Are you nuts? Fighting with Claire McBride?” The other boy was flush with the excitement of having almost witnessed a fight. “She’ll kill you!”

I rolled my eyes. I’d met girls who would kill you; this heifer was just a private school bully.

Brian caught it. “Even if she wouldn’t, you could get expelled for fighting. You ok?” I glared at him. “Jeez! Alright! Come on.” We headed to fourth period.

Biology. Perfect.

There were no Reasonable Requests on the way to class; I couldn’t imagine why.

I headed straight to my regular seat but didn’t even get half way. “Miss Brown!” Ms. Warner was a tiny woman around five-foot-nothing but with glasses the size of her whole head. “Oh My God! Are you pregnant?” She grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward the front of the room. “Oh how wonderful! Isn’t that wonderful, class? Oh how exciting!” She put her hand on my stomach and stroked it gently. It felt wonderful but I wasn’t in the mood to appreciate it. “When are you due?”

“January.”

“A new year’s baby! Oh how sweet! Hello, little student? Are you helping Mommy study?” She went on like that until the second bell rang. “Ok class! Clear your desks! Today we are going to talk about reproduction. Now in the past, we’ve talked about sex and what goes where and what the body is doing – well, today and I’ll wager tomorrow, we’re going to talk about what happens next. And our own Miss Tish-shilla Brown will be our live model.

“Now, first off, I want to point out that you all are too young to be discussing parenthood. But accidents happen and I – my personal opinion not sanctioned by the school board – I think that this is a happy accident. So, Tish-shilla, do we know the happy Daddy?”

I wanted to scratch her eyes out. I tried to think of something clever to say but finally just stuck to “He don’t go here.”

“Oh, pity. I’d love to have his input.”

“He could knock you up too with his ‘input’.” I said. It got a snicker from the back row. For just an instant, Ms. Warner’s blithe grin wavered.

“I think Mommy’s a bit cranky.” My fingers twitched. “That’s ok. You just sit down right here and I’ll do all the talking for a while.” She did. She started with where the sperm and ova meet and worked her way over my expanded stomach and bloated tits up to what comes out of where when the whole process is over. I felt like tool. She was gentle when she pointed out my swollen nipples – she was even excited to find I’m already lactating. She had the whole class come take a closer look at them. And my vaginal discharge – also associated with the second trimester. Then the little bastard decided to roll over a few hundred times – I guess it thought I was trying to sleep and couldn’t let that happen! – and Ms. Warner just about jumped for joy over that. Most of the class looked weird-ed out. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet, Mommy?” Ms. Warner asked.

“I don’t care.” I practically growled. Keeping to myself had kept the mood swings in check but I was still suffering from them and right at that moment I was madder than all hell.

“I think that’s best. Babies are a gift and who wants to know what’s already in the box?”

“You want the gift, you carry the fucking thing.” I hadn’t meant to say that aloud but she heard me.

“Oh, Mommy’s really cranky now. Come on, now Dear. Sit up. Let’s see what questions your classmates have. Anyone?” A few hands went up.

Great.

“Jorey?”

“Yeah. How did you, y’know….”

“A boy put his who-who in my ha-ha!” I sneered.

A few people laughed and even he looked a bit embarrassed. “No, I mean, I thought the shot was required in Program schools. So did it just fail or what?”

“Actually, that’s a good question.” Ms. Warner nodded. “Birth control is required but because women have different bodies, they can’t require a one-shot approach. So, the shot is the most common method but it’s not the only one. Some of the old methods are still in use – IUDs, diaphragms, a few others. And yes, they can fail. Even the shot has a one-in-two-million percentile chance of failure. So, Mommy, which method where you using?”

I didn’t want to discuss this. No one needs to know how stupid I really am. The whole class was staring at me. “Rhythm.” I finally said.

“The what?” Jorey and everyone else looked confused.

“Oh. My.” Ms. Warner looked stunned. “I didn’t think anyone even used that any more.”

“My Foster-Mother was a hippy.”

“Ah. Yes.” She smiled at the class. “The Rhythm Method. A bit of ancient history here. Picture a woman’s cycle like a river….” She went to the blackboard and began explaining how it worked. She also explained that it was 50/50 at best – something Marie never mentioned. There were other questions after that but no one said anything stupid. Finally, the bell rang and my classmates left the room.

Ms. Warner reached out and absently rubbed my belly. “I really do think it’s wonderful that you’re keeping this child, Tish-shilla. What does your mother think?”

“Marie was gonna help me flush it.” I didn’t mention Ms. Redmond.

“Well, I’m glad you changed your mind.”

“I didn’t. DC found out before we could do it.”

“Oh.” She looked for somewhere to put her eyes. “Oh! Brian! I’m so sorry about your relief this period, dear. I completely forgot about it.”

“It’s ok. I was going to say no anyway.”

“Oh good. No harm done. Alright, then. You two are partners?” Brian nodded. “Well, then let’s get Mommy off to lunch.”

“Stop calling me that!” I pushed their hands away and struggled off the table by myself.

“Maybe some one needs a nap.”

“Maybe some one needs a fat lip.” I shot back.

“Ok, ok!” she took a step back, trying but failing to hide her smile. “Have a good lunch. Remember: you’re eating for two now.”

If Brian hadn’t been blocking my way, I would have punched her. I really would have. Instead, I grabbed my bag and stalked out of the room.

Do I have to tell you I was Request-less on the way to the lunchroom? Let me save you some suspense – it was an all day thing. The only people who touched me, did it by accident.

I got my lunch – a slice and a bottle of water – and went to sit with the only people I did socialize with.

“We’re supposed to sit together with the others this week.” Brian said. I had really been trying not to see him but he kept being right there.

I could see Bryant gesturing toward me. Michelle and Tyrisa looked in my direction. Even from across the room, I could see the shock on their faces. Malik actually dropped a fork full of food which had to be a first. I figured there was no point in sitting with them now. I was everything they were living on the upper northwest side of town to avoid. “Fine.” I said and let Brian lead me to the others.

I didn’t recognize any of the other Program students. I had seen a couple of them around but I hadn’t caught any of their names.

“Oh. My. God! Tishshawla! I didn’t know you were pregnant!” A skinny girl with short dark hair said as I sat down. I hate it when people I don’t know know my name – especially when they say it wrong. Then again, when there are four Black girls, its easy to remember the names; she had a 1in4 shot at guessing right. “When are you due?”

“January.” Brian said when I ignored the girl.

“Since when you know all my business?” I snapped.

“You said so in class. And is that all you’re going to eat?”

“Yeah, isn’t that kinda light for, what, second trimester?”

“Almost third.”

“My older sister’s due in March. She’s already twice as big as you!”

All of the naked girls knew someone pregnant or recently delivered; all of them had advice. They happily discussed my pregnancy, how I should feeling, what I should be eating and the rest of my business without even pausing for my input. The naked guys sat silent eating their lunches and looking desperately for some place else to go. All of them except Brian left before lunch break was over. Every so often, I looked at my regular table – the people I had begun to think of as almost friends – only to have them look away from me.

I realized that I hadn’t finished my cold slice of pizza or my lukewarm water and that I wasn’t going to finish them. I picked up my tray and walked away.

“Oh my god! How rude was that?” One of the girls gasped.

“I know! She didn’t even say anything!”

“Talk about no manners!”

I didn’t bother stopping to say anything back. What would be the point? I tossed my trash and headed to my next class, Spanish with Senor Downey. He said many things, in Spanish, and I missed all of them. I’ve been taking Spanish for years and still can’t say more than ‘taco’. I did learn a new word today: bebé. I heard it a lot. He made me stand in front of the class and they talked about my bebé. My negro bebé. Every time he asked me a question, I glared at him and he moved on to someone else. He stopped asking after a while. I thought it would never end and when it did, my back and feet was aching like crazy.

I got to Lit class before Brian did – he probably had ‘traffic’ in the form of Reasonable Requests – and slipped into my seat while Mr. GloboAmante’s back was turned. He saw me and nodded. “Program, eh? Good. Always nice to start a new book with an attention grabber. Since you’re back there, I guess you’re passing on Relief?” I nodded, hoping I wouldn’t start crying again. He nodded and went back to his last second prepping. Brian entered just as the second bell rang, looking like Relief wasn’t an issue for him either.

“Ah! Two Program students!” Mr. GloboAmante nearly cheered. “Both of you come down front; you can represent the two main protagonists today.” Brian u-turned back to the front of the classroom and I stood up, dreading the impending shock, dismay and discussion. Mr. GloboAmante chuckled. “Ms. Brown, I don’t how you found out what this month’s novel is but that’s clever. I don’t think it’s Program, but we’ll let it go today.”

I had no idea what he meant. He made a big deal out of keeping his reading list a surprise each month. As I got closer to him, his expression changed. “Are you…are you really pregnant?”

“Yes.” I was getting a little tired of people asking – another good thing about keeping the whole thing hidden.

“Oh.” He looked at the box on his desk. “How…apt. How very, very apt.” He looked at Brian and I. “Neither of you needs Relief? I can wait. No problem.” We both declined. “Ok. Well, class, we looked at Mark Twain last month because I thought Tom Sawyer would be fun at the start of the school year. This month, we’ll contrast his style to Nathaniel Hawthorne. Hawthorne born 1804, wrote mostly short fiction…” He went on about the writer but never took his hand off the box on his desk.

Finally Artie asked, “Are we ever gonna get the actual book?” and Mr. GloboAmante opened the box and stared passing out the paperback.

The Scarlet Letter. I wasn’t familiar with the title but Brian hissed when he saw it.

“Ouch.” There were similar reactions around the room. He leaned over to me. “It’s about a woman who, uh, had a child out of wedlock.

“Oh fuck!”

Mr. GloboAmante came back to the front of the room. “TyShala, I’m sorry. I had no idea to you were….” He gestured to my stomach. “Should you be in The Program like that?”

“They told me I had to.”

“I see.” He thought about it for a minute. “Students? As we read The Scarlet Letter, and you think about the concepts of sin and repentance and how her community treats Hester Prynne, I want you to keep in mind that we have our own Hester and that this story should have very personal meaning to us as a group.” He paused for another minute then picked up his copy and began reading. He always read the first few pages – so that we could listen to the ‘flow of the words.’ Then he had Brian take over. Brian had a good voice; I hadn’t noticed it being that rich before. Not too deep but not high either. Male. Not that I would ever notice something attractive about a White boy ever again.

Mr. GloboAmante looked at me and then when I didn’t immediately start reading, picked someone else to carry on. I considered it the first good thing to happen all day. The little bastard started kicking about midway through class and I figured it was complaining about the lack of lunch. “Suck it up, kid.” I thought to it. “You got a whole life ahead of you to complain about.” My stomach was rumbling a bit too, though.

Brian leaned again. “That’s what you get for skipping lunch.” I glared at him and he decided not to try to be funny any more.

Once we got out of Lit, I figured my day couldn’t possibly get any worse. The pregnancy was all over the building already. I was reading about how my community was about to shun me in lit class. I had a nervous breakdown third period. I was getting nauseous again because I skipped lunch. The rest of my day, I thought, has got to be an improvement.

Then I got to Mr. Jordan’s Drama class. We don’t do full plays or at least, he hadn’t done any in the short time I’d been there. Instead, he’d pick a scene, put everyone in groups and one day we’d rehearse, the next day we’d do the scene for the class. Easy. I’d actually learned the name of almost every one in this class – it’s one of the few I already knew I had with Brian. I should have guessed we’d be partnered.

“Oh, and I know the perfect scene!” Mr. Jordan started typing on his laptop. “Chrissy, lead the class in warm up exercises.” A couple minutes later, while we were all stretching and making funny faces, his printer started spewing paper. When we finished the exercises, he told us to partner up, boy/girl. “Brian, you’re with Tishshilla of course.”

The scene was from the “The Jamie Lynn Story”. It was a bad cable movie about a rich White girl too stupid to keep her legs closed. There was a lot of snickering behind my back as people realized it was the scene where she told her boyfriend she was pregnant. I glared at Mr. Jordan.

“Something wrong over here?” He asked after the others had started reading.

“Why you have to do this?” I snapped at him.

“Because it gives you some real personal fire to work with and I might actually see some passion in your work this semester after all. You’ve played this scene in real life. Use those emotions with this script.” He walked away before I could respond.

“Hey Jamie; where you been? How come you didn’t return my call?” Brian said, reading the first lines.

I looked at the pages and thumbed through them. The Boyfriend – Casey – was shocked at first then excited. It ends with him saying everything will work out fine. The movie ends with them getting married, her movie contract being renewed and world peace breaking out. It’s a bad movie.

In my life, that’s not how I informed Terrance. I hadn’t informed Terrance. I was not planning to tell him any time soon.

“Hey Jamie; where you been? How come you didn’t return my call?” Brian repeated.

“Hey. I meant to call you. I’ve been busy.” I read back.

We read the scene. Even married guys aren’t that understanding and happy. When we finished, I nearly wretched.

“You ok? You’re not going to be sick again, are you?”

“Not really; this just makes me wish I were.” Although my stomach did still feel empty.

“Why?”

“Did you just read that? Come on – nobody’s like that. Oh Jamie – our baby! Please!”

“Well, wasn’t your boyfriend happy?”

I stared at him for a moment. He of all people should have put this together. “I don’t have a boyfriend, ok? I got a baby’s daddy. I ain’t even got that! Terrance doesn’t know.”

Brian looked stunned. “You haven’t told the father?”

“No. Why? He don’t want it either. Besides, he’s 19. If the city finds out, he’ll get in trouble. I’m 16; they still haven’t changed that law here.”

“But he’d want to know. I mean, it’s his child too.” Brian reached out and gently stroked my belly. Warmth flowed from his fingers and around my whole body. I pushed his hand away; I’m not falling for that again. “I’d want to know.”

“Well, when you knock somebody up, tell them that.”

“Tishshilla, why are you so mad at me?”

“Tie-shay-la.”

“What?”

“My name is tie-shay-la. You people always say it wrong. Shay-la not shi-la or whatever.”

“OH! Is that why the others call you Shay-shay?” I gave him a ‘duh’ look and he nodded. “Yeah, of course. Ok, TyShala.” He paused. “Is that why you were mad at me?”

“How’s it going over here?” Mr. Jordan interrupted us. “Questions? Problems? No? How are you playing the scene?”

“How are we playing it?” Brian looked confused.

“Well, you could play it straight which would be a bit comic given her size. I mean it would be hard to miss. Playing it as a comic scene where he’s just completely oblivious to her pregnancy would give the scene more depth, I think. Or, you could assume that he knew already – that he’s just been waiting for her to tell him. Are you happy or distressed about this news?”

“Happy.” Brian answered just I said “Distressed.”

“Interesting. Usually it’s the other way around. Keep at it.” He went to the next pair.

“I’d be happy.” Brian said. “If my girlfriend were having my baby. I’d flip.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t lie.”

“Seriously. I’d want it. Even if she didn’t, I’d want her to have it and I’d raise it without her.” I tsk-ed and he gave me a dark look. “I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. If this was my kid –“ he put his hand on my stomach again and I had to resist holding it there, “-if this were mine, I’d want it.”

“You the only one who wants that.”

“Really? Down deep? Not even a little?”

Maybe a little. I shook my head anyway. “I would have flushed it if they hadn’t put me in the hospital before I could.”

“Ok.” Mr. Jordan’s voice made us both jump. “Let’s see what you have so far.”

We read the whole scene. Brian tried to make it funny. It wasn’t. Terrance would have denied it even if I’d told him about it. The whole scene was stupid. Mr. Jordan gave us some notes which amounted to less conversation and more acting and we read the scene over a few time before Brian suggested we stand up an act it out. It was awkward when he pretended that he didn’t know – especially when the stage direction said he was supposed to hug me before I told him. We tried it again as a comic scene and again like Mr. Jordan suggested, with Casey waiting for a confession. Time ran out before we found a version we liked. Well, that he liked – I thought the whole exercise was stupid.

We left together and headed for the last humiliation of my day: Mrs. Tenyari’s gym class. At the locker room doors, we parted company. Brian to the girl’s room, and me to the boys. The guys stared at me like I had fangs and a tail. As I was putting my books in a locker, I heard a couple guys talking.

“At least you know the bitch puts out.”

“That your bun she got in that oven?”

“Fuck no! She phat, I ain’t gonna lie. But she don’t mess with no dark meat.”

There was some mean sounding laughter. “Like I’ve ever seen you with a girl darker than me!”

“I like ‘em light, yeah. But you know, pink is pink.” There was more laughter.

“Yeah. I wonder what that’s like now.”

“Hey, try it. Shit, hit it bareback. You know you can’t knock her up.” More laughter.

Perfect. I’d heard of rapes at other schools. Getto land schools. I’d never heard of one at a private school. Then again, I’d never heard of a prego at a private school either. I decided that there was no sense in putting it off. I might as well get it over with.

But when I stepped out from the row of lockers the boys just stared at me. I recognized the two Black boys in the group – Malik and Stephen. “Hey.” I said looking right at them. They nodded back. I made it out to the gym floor, my heart pounding.

Mrs. Tenyari yelled at me for the five minutes that Brian and I were supposed to be having Relief. About how I hadn’t told her and the risks I’d run that I might get hurt or hurt the baby. Then she ordered me to join the class in warm-ups and run five laps around the gym. She promised that she’d come up with an appropriate work out for me. I spent most of class on the bench watching everyone else. It was dull. I fell asleep. Mrs. Tenyari woke me for the after work out stretches. “Trust me,” She said, “You are going to want to be limber.”

Stephen watched me from the locker room door with a couple other boys who had been in that group. I wondered how I was going to get my books without getting into a fight I didn’t think I could win. Mrs. Tenyari put her hand on my shoulder. “Problem?”

The guys went in. I looked at Mrs. Tenyari and noticed the scar on the side of her neck for the first time. “Is that from a knife?” I asked without thinking.

Her finger caressed the scar. “This? Yes.”

“What happened?”

She looked at me and smiled a bit ironically. “I got cut. It was a long time ago.” She looked at the locker room door. “Not long enough.” She looked at me again. “Come on; let’s get your things.” She escorted me into the boys locker room. I got my books and we left. No one said a word. She walked me to the girls room door. “Brian’s your partner, right? You should wait for him.”

He was out pretty quickly. “Sorry. I didn’t want to keep you waiting. I mean, I hoped you would wait but….”

“Yeah, whatever.” I shrugged. “I wanna go get dressed now.”

“We can’t.” I glared at him and he shrugged. “Drill Team.” He smiled hopefully. “I get to see you naked for a little while longer.” The smile faded fast as I scowled at him.

We are both on the Drill Team. That, I knew. Our Drill Team was split into three lines, JROTC Drill, Dance and Step. Brian was on the JROTC Drill line and actually, pretty good. I was on the Step line and I was damn good. I’d been on Step since 4th grade. It was the only thing in my life, actually, that I’d been able to do consistently. A big part of the reason I wanted to keep all this secret was that I didn’t want to get cut from the team. The walk over to the yard seemed to take forever.

Coach Watson just stared at me. “I had heard but I thought it was just a rumor. Run last week’s drill.” He told the others. “Come here.” He led me to a bench. “TyShala, what were you thinking?”

Coach Watson was older, and one of the few Black teachers at the school. He was one of the best coaches I’d worked with even though it had only been since the beginning of the school year. I did trust him, though. I could have told him that I was thinking that I was lonely and no one loved me. Instead, I said, “I was thinking that you not my father.”

He nodded. “Ok. True dat.” He sighed. “I’m not going to pull you from the team. But I am listing you as injured until I get a note from your doctor telling me how much and how long you can participate.” I started to argue but he spoke over me. “Don’t start; I’m not going to listen, anyway. I need an assistant coach for the Step line anyway. Hopefully, you can Drill on Saturday at the Education First Festival but we can use your skills and your presence no matter what. OK? You understand that, right, Shay-Shay? We need you on this team.”

I couldn’t look at him. He wasn’t my father but he seemed to be just as disappointed as a real father would be. I nodded, mumbled something close to yes sir and walked back to the rest of the group with him.

“OK People Listen Up! Until further notice, TyShala is AC for the Step line.” Much to my surprise, people applauded. “And she’s going to work you into the ground! And I expect you to work! So let’s get to it!” He blew his whistle and went to work with the Drill line. Without asking, Mermaid hit play on the CD and the Step line re-started our routine. There was a big hole where I was supposed to be. I stopped the CD and moved people around. That put Mermaid, Michelle and JC on the front row. Mermaid was called that because he still carried an old lunchbox with Mermaid Man from the old Sponge Bob cartoon. I didn’t know his real name but I knew the grey-boy could move. Michelle was the only other girl on the line and she was almost as good as I was. JC was Hispanic and thanks to him, we had a lot of Latin music and moves in our arsenal. I restarted the CD. Because we had an odd number now, whole sections of the routine had to be re-worked. In one of our breaks, I found myself watching the Drill line. Brian and Stephen were both in it; both standing out because one was blue-black and the other was naked. The line was good, very precise. In full uniform, they looked almost military. It was hard not to watch Brian. He was naked and he did look good. In the line, of course. Not in any other way.

He turned and saw me and smiled. A real smile, one like he had caught me watching him and was glad he’d caught me. Like he could use that. My stomach turned and I thought I was going to be sick again. I felt dizzy suddenly and sat – more fell – on the grass. I got up on my knees immediately; the idea of grass, dirt, and bugs on my cooch was gross.

Despite the fact that ten people were closer, the first two people to try and help me were Coach Watson and Brian. Brian told the Coach that I skipped lunch. The Coach told Brian to take me home.

Brian helped me to his car. He tried to carry me but I’m too fat.

“You live by Sibley Hospital, right? The yellow house, near the corner?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to say much in part because I didn’t want to be there and in part because I really was feeling sick.

“You really should have had lunch.” He pointed out.

“You really should mind your own business.” I snipped back. I knew I should apologize but I couldn’t say the words.

He didn’t say anything else, just drove to our neighborhood. Soon enough, he pulled up in front of the right house. “This one, right?”

“Yeah, this where I stay at.”

“Where you stay at?” The expression seemed to confuse him. “Is this where you live or not?”

I looked at him and remembered that he’d probably never met anyone homeless before. “No. I don’t live anywhere. This is where I stay. Wait six months, I be stayin’ somewhere else.” I got out of the car just as Mr. Redmond opened the front door.

“I had a feeling we’d be seeing you early tonight.” He called out as he came over to the car.

“That your Dad?” Brian asked.

“No.”

Brian got out and came around to either help me or greet him. “She got sick during Drill Team. Coach Watson asked me to bring her home.”

Mr. Redmond frowned at me. “I thought you told Valerie that you wouldn’t join the team?” I started to reply with the fact that his wife wasn’t my mother but realized that he was now frowning at Brian. “And you are?”

“Uh, Brian, sir. Brian Loving. We’re in…we’ve got…I’m…”

“Ralph Loving’s boy?”

“Oh, uh, yes sir.”

“Phillip Redmond. Your father and I have worked together on a number of projects.” They shook hands. “So you’re in this Program thing with my daughter this week?”

“Uh, yes, sir. We’re partners.”

“Like you care.” I muttered a little too loud.

“A naked boy brings my naked daughter home, I want to know who he is, Program or not.” Brian turned bright pink again. “Relax, son. I’m not accusing you of any dastardly deeds. But, I have to check up on these things.” He looked at me oddly. “A father’s got responsibilities, after all.” His look changed slightly. “Shouldn’t you have clothes and books, homework or something?”

“Fuck!” I didn’t even know where my clothes were. Nurse Chapel took them.

“Oh, I got your book bag.” Brian got it out of his back seat. “I got your trig homework. I guess we can work on the scene for drama tomorrow.”

“Group project?” Mr. Redmond asked.

“Kinda.” Brian shrugged. “It’s just a scene, though.”

“Well, why don’t you come by after dinner.” He glanced at me as an afterthought almost. “If you feel up to it of course. I know it’s been a rough day but you do need to get your homework done.”

I sucked my teeth which is one of those habits that seems to annoy most adults. Tsk! “Whatever. Can I go in now?”

“It’s ok. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Brian put on a good show of looking dejected.

I hated giving in. This one wasn’t going to play me like the last one did. But Mr. Redmond was frowning. “Look, you want to come over later, come over. It’s all good. Can I go in now?”

He smiled like he won something. “OK. Like 6 ok? I’ve got a couple chores to finish before I can come back out.”

“Ah chores,” Mr. Redmond sighed. “I didn’t know parents still did that.”

“You do it to me.” I pointed out.

“Other parents.” He chuckled. “Ok, Brian. We’ll look for you after 6 some time.”

“Thanks, sir. Bye.” He nearly ran to the driver’s side. “Bye, Ty!”

Ty? Since when did he start calling me Ty? I didn’t think about it long because my stomach growled loudly about the same time the little bastard kicked me.

“Come on, Shay-Shay. Val’s out at some fund raiser so it’s just you and me tonight.” He didn’t touch me or anything but that was ok. We went in and I went straight to my room and put on some clothes. Mr. Redmond came up briefly to ask if I wanted pasta or chicken for dinner and by then, I was so hungry I said both. When I came down about an hour later, he was pulling broiled chicken parts out of the oven. Two plates heaping with spaghetti and sauce were on the counter. He grinned at me. “I can cook two things: spaghetti and broiled chicken. So here you go. My culinary skills await.” He dropped a couple pieces of chicken on one plate and pushed it in my direction. He fixed a plate for himself and sat on one of the counter stools to eat.

Usually, meals were served in the dining room. Sometimes Ms. Redmond cooked but most the time, it was a maid they’d hired to come in three times a week or they ate out. This was the first time it was just him and me. I sat down across from him and tasted the chicken. Either he was a great cook or I was really hungry. I nearly inhaled the first few pieces.

“So. You known Brian for a while or just met him today?” Mr. Redmond asked.

“I’ve seen him around.” I shrugged. “But I didn’t actually know him.”

“Nice guy?”

“I guess.” I stopped eating and looked at him. “Since when you think you my father?”

He shrugged back. “Since when you care what I think?”

We both went back to eating.

“This morning.” He said after a while.

I looked at him and he stopped eating. “I starting thinking I was your father this morning. Roughly, when my secretary said the school was on the phone. Well, no really, when I was in the car, I realized that I was acting like a father. See, I didn’t hesitate. Grace said the school was on the phone and I just walked out of the meeting. And when they told me I should probably come down, I told Grace to re-schedule the meeting, I had to go.” He took a bite. “I’ve never done that. Not even for Val and we’ve been married ten years.”

Great! Now Mr. Redmond is feeling sorry for me too. “Sorry.” I muttered. “I won’t let them do that again.”

He frowned and shook his head. “Shay…” He sighed. “How are you feeling?”

“OK.” I really didn’t want to dump any of this on him. We both finished eating. He didn’t say anything else. When we finished, he went to the library and I cleaned the kitchen.

That still got me. The house was big enough to have a library. Mr. Redmond was a capitalist – which I thought was a philosophy not an occupation but what do I know – and Mrs. Redmond spent money – but apparently she did something that made money as well – and they both claimed that they were well off not rich. But the house had a library, a private dining room, a formal dining room and 6 – count ‘em 6 – bedrooms. And they still had money to throw around. To me, that’s rich. The little bastard was actually going to have it’s own room – Mrs. Redmond had started decorating and everything.

At six on the nose, the doorbell rang. I had been trying to sleep but between the little bastard and thinking about everyone at school, I couldn’t. I came down to see Mr. Redmond coming to the base of the stairs.

“Ah, Shay-Shay, I was just going to call you.”

“I heard the door. Come on. We can do this in the living room.” I started to head that way but Mr. Redmond stopped me.

“Actually, Ralph and I will be in the living room. Why don’t you go on up to the den. Or your room. Leave the door open.”

I saw a guy who looked a lot like Brian standing next to Brian and guessed it was his father. “Whatever. Come on.” I headed back upstairs without looking back to see if he followed.

The rest of the evening was Brian trying to prove that he didn’t want anything and me not falling for it. He asked about the little bastard and I put a stop to that line of questioning. We did get some homework done and we did read that stupid scene again. Which is what killed the night.

“When are you going to tell the father?” He asked me.

“That is an A and B conversation; C your way out.”

He started to laugh then realized I meant it. “You have to tell him. You have to.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“He’d want to know.”

“So?” Besides, he didn’t want to know.

“So? He has a right to. It’s his baby too.”

“He shoulda thought of that before he did it.”

“Ok, but so should you.”

“This is not my fault!” I jumped up, knocking my script to the floor and tipping my chair backward.

“Well if you were doing it, you know, right….”

“You don’t know shit about me! I wasn’t doing anything! Terrance said nothing would happen!” I turned away so Brian would see me wiping tears.

“Ty –“

“Don’t call me that!”

“Sorry. Uh, TyShala. Maybe I should go. Your dad and…”

“He’s not my ‘dad’.”

“But he said….”

“I don’t have a ‘dad’.”

“Well, step, still…”

“He’s not my ‘step-dad’. He’s not even my adopted ‘dad’. He’s just some guy the city pays so I can stay here, alright? My mom’s jail. I don’t have shit except this little bastard and I don’t even want it! I wish I’d just flushed it when I had the chance! I wish I were fucking dead!”

I have my own bathroom which made storming out and slamming the door really effective.

It was a while before Mr. Redmond knocked on the door. It was a while after that when Mrs. Redmond tried to come in.

“Sweetie,” she said. She always called me that just before she started trying to be June Fucking Cleaver. “Come on out.” She kept tapping and spewing bullshit until I opened the door.

“There you are! You had me really worried this time.” She wiped my face even though I tried to hide the fact I’d been crying. “Come on. Why don’t we both get ready for bed and meet down in the kitchen for some hot coco and girl talk. You can tell me all about this new Brian of yours –“

“Brian of mine?” I shrieked. “He’s not mine! I don’t want anything to do with him! I don’t want anything to do with any of you! Just leave me alone! Why didn’t you just leave me alone! Everything was fine! You ruined everything!” And then I proceeded to top off the perfect day by throwing myself on the bed and crying myself to sleep. If I never woke up again it would have been just fine with me.

I woke up Tuesday feeling wrecked. I dragged my ass out of bed and took a shower hoping that I’d feel better when I got out. I didn’t. Everyone at school knew about the little bastard and I made a complete ass of myself to the only people who tried to help.

“Tish-shy-la?” Mrs. Redmond called from downstairs. She always said it wrong which was funny because Mr. Redmond always said it right. “Tish, honey? Are you dressed yet?”

Like it matters – what ever I put on is just going to come off again. I only had one skirt that still fit so that was a given; I put on the first shirt my hand hit and went to the top of the stairs. “What?” Then I saw Brian standing behind Mrs. Redmond.

“Hi.” He waved a bit hesitantly.

Oh god, he’s gorgeous.

Oh god, I did not just think that. Please don’t let me think that. Not again, not again, not again….

I backed away from the staircase and leaned against the wall. Terrance had looked innocent at first. He had been sweet and nice. And then, the night after he did it, he stopped calling. Literally, the next day, acted like he didn’t know me. That was bad enough. But then, two months later, to find out why I’d skipped a period and why I was so sick all of a sudden. Now here’s Brian. So Loving. I’m not falling for it. I’m not being fooled again. I heard Mrs. Redmond coming up the stairs and I slipped down the hall. She called my name again just before I closed the door.

Then she knocked on the door. “Tish? Come on, now. Open up. You’re going to have to come out some time. Tish? Tish! Open this door! Now come on, Sweetie, it can’t be that bad!” She whispered. “He’s already seen you naked! He likes you anyway.”

I rolled my eyes and opened the door. “He’s not my boyfriend! God! I don’t like him like that!”

“Oh.” She said. “Well. He’s here to give you a ride to school and I think he does like you like that.”

“No he doesn’t.” Actually, thinking about it, I didn’t know what he wanted. It couldn’t be sex, not now. And I didn’t have anything. I wasn’t popular. “I don’t know what he wants.”

“Well why don’t you let him give you a ride to school and ask him.” I looked at her for a minute. “The trick about men,” she went on, “is that if you know what they want, you can get what you want.” She caught the surprise in my expression and pursed her lips. “How do you think I got Mr. Redmond? Come on, Sweetie. Get your books. You don’t want to keep him waiting too long.”

She didn’t really give me time to react. June Cleaver, the gold-digger? Mrs. Redmond didn’t seem the type. I grabbed my book bag and went downstairs. Mr. Redmond was also on his way out the door. He stopped, greeted Brian and kissed the Mrs goodbye.

He paused before closing the door. “Has she eaten anything this morning?” He asked no one in particular.

“Not yet.” I said.

“Well, eat. I can’t reschedule my meeting today.” He left.

“Tish, you told me you’d take care of yourself and the baby.” Mrs. Redmond looked worried.

“I will. It’s all good.”

“Tish, please.” She put her hand on my stomach and rubbed gently. The little bastard rolled over – it always seemed to know when she was touching it. “You don’t know what she means to me. I know this is hard for you but I promise you, things will be ok for all of us. OK?” She smiled at me hopefully.

I was her latest charity. If she wanted the little bastard so much, she could carry it. “Yeah. Sure. It’s all good.”

“OK, Sweetie.” She kissed my forehead. I waited until she turned around to wipe the wet spot. “You haven’t taken you vitamins yet. I think I still have some fruit in here. You can eat that on the way. Tomorrow, I’ll make breakfast for you. Brian? Do you think tomorrow you can be here early enough for breakfast?”

He looked at me, open mouthed. “Uh, yeah, sure. I guess.”

She watched me take the vitamins with a whole glass of milk. She gave Brian and me each a banana to take with us and gave me a twenty for breakfast when I got to school. “Just to be sure you have enough.”

“I’m in the Program. I won’t have any pockets.” But I put the money in my book bag anyway.

“Well, keep it. Just in case. Alright, now go, shoo! Get to school on time. Oh, and I called that Ms. Scott and gave her my cell phone in case she needs to reach me again. Promise me you’ll take care of our little one, ok?”

I rolled my eyes and promised.

It was actually a relief to get into the car. Until I looked at Brian again. He blushed and got very involved with getting the car started. We got about three blocks from the house when words just spilled from my mouth. “I don’t date White boys.” I didn’t look at him.

“Ok.” He said.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m dating anyone right now.”

“I know.”

“Then why you being so nice to me?”

He hesitated. “I don’t know.” After a minute he added, “I like you.”

I did look at him then. He didn’t know me and I’d been mean as a snake for the last day. No one sane would like me now. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” He glanced at me. “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t. You just seem, I don’t know. Nice. Well, usually. You read a lot. Good stuff too.” He blushed faintly. “And you’re pretty. I mean, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t like you if you weren’t pretty, just, well, you are.”

Oh Ty, you’re pretty. Oh, Ty, you’re so nice. Oh, Ty, you’re special. I like you, Ty.

“Well, you can stop liking me. You got a case of jungle fever, you better find yourself a cure.”

“I know.” He hesitated again. “But look, we’re partners this week, ok? And – ok, this is going to sound really stupid – I don’t want a girlfriend right now.”

How could he not already have one? “Why not?”

“Just because.”

“Because why?”

“Because I had a really bad break up and I don’t want to see anybody, ok?”

Oh, he’s good. “Yeah. So what’s that got to do with me?”

“If people thought we were going out, I could, you know, have an excuse. Not to go out with anybody.”

“So why you need me? Tell ‘em you got a girlfriend.”

“I, uh, kinda did.” I glanced at me. “I didn’t think you’d mind too much. Well, really, yours was the first name I thought of.” He glanced again. “Sorry.” We were pulling up to the student parking lot. The school had a student parking lot. My old school didn’t have a student with a car, this one needed a separate lot. “Look,” he said turning off the car, “it’s only for a couple days and you don’t have to do anything any way. I’m not trying to date anyone not even you I just really needed to say something to get Alyssa to back off.”

“Alyssa?” I knew her; she was one of those girls who made you wonder why you got out of bed in the morning. Together, they’d be the best-looking couple in the school. “Why you turn her down?”

“Because she’s a bitch.”

There wasn’t much to say to that. He walked me around to the west entrance where the Program lockers were waiting outside. Apparently, we were the first to arrive; only a few perverts were hanging around. “Ms. Chapel said you use your date of birth as the combination.” Each locker was labeled with a set of initials. I found mine and put in my date of birth. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing. Brian, meanwhile, opened his locker and found his clothes from yesterday. “I guess yours are in there too.” He watched for a minute while I tried again. And again. “Are you sure you have the right date?”

I almost smacked him. “I know my birthday.”

“Well, yeah. But I mean, do you – I mean – do they know your right date? Could the school records be wrong?”

“How could the school records be wrong? The got the date from….” I stopped. They got it from the Redmonds, who got it from DC Social Services who probably have their own personal records messed up. “Fuck!”

“Here. You can put your stuff in my locker for now and then we can go find Nurse Chapel and see what date she put in.”

It wasn’t like I had much choice. And as an added bonus, the time it took to fight with my locker, allowed some of the other Program kids to arrive. The stuck up blonde had the locker next to mine. She muttered something of a greeting and popped her locker right open.

There was some cheering and cat calling for her – Brittney – and when she started undressing, the crowd started ‘singing’ that old stripper song: wah-wah-wah, ba-dum, wah-wah-wah-wah, ba-dum, wah-wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah, wah-boom-wah-boom-wah-boom-wah-boom. She was a great success. She was slim, with tiny pert tits and a flat butt and the boys cheered wildly when threw her panties in the air. She gave me a smug look, grabbed her books and scooted into the arms of a waiting Reasonable Request.

One of the guys went next – Rod, I think. He was a senior and played on the basketball team. I love basketball. I love watching the guys who play basketball too. His face was, well, not my taste. But his body – wow. The little bastard began twisting. I rubbed my stomach to settle it down, wishing I could rub something a little lower. Then I felt myself blush. I know the program was supposed to help us get comfortable with thoughts like that but nobody wants to see a fat girl all hot and bothered. Certainly not now.

I watched the juniors undress next. They did it at the same time. They didn’t do any thing fancy, just took off their clothes and stuffed them in their lockers.

Brian pulled my arm. “Our turn.”

“Oh. I wanted to wait til everybody left.”

“But we’re kind of next. Seniors, juniors, sophomores.”

Tsk! I rolled my eyes and moved to the spot were everybody was stripping. There were some cat calls like “hey momma!” and someone tried to start a chant of “Slut! Slut! Slut!” but it didn’t catch. Brian stopped my hand before I could pull off my shirt. “Hey, how about I do you, you do me?”

I sneered. “You not my boyfriend.”

“I know. Reasonable Request.”

“Whatever.” I let him undress me. I let him slowly lift up my shirt and caress my sides and stomach then gently tug it over my arms and head. He hung it in his locker before coming back to step behind me and unhook my bra. Than he moved around front to slid the straps down my shoulders and pull the oversized cups off my bloated, tender breasts. He hung that too. It was the cold morning air that had my nipples harder than bullets. It must have been the cold air that was making me shiver like that too. And made my heart pound like it was going to jump out of my chest. It couldn’t be that Brian was stripping me. His hair brushed my nipple and stomach gently as he bent to find the hook on my skirt and I gasped involuntarily. I’m sure that would have happened with anybody. It wasn’t Brian’s soft hair like silk thread running across me that was making it hard to breathe. He stood behind me again and pulled the zipper of my skirt down slowly. It must have been an accident that made his hand stroke over my butt and all the way down my leg. He hung my skirt and I stood in just my panties wishing like all hell none of it was happening.

He came back and stood in front of me. He looked almost as unnerved as I felt. “I, uh….” He blushed, deeply this time and moved behind me again.

Right. The little bastard. He probably can’t even find my panties from the front. That didn’t stop him from reaching around and pulling the waist band down from there. Could he tell they were wet? Maybe not. Maybe I can claim my water’s leaking or something. He hung the panties and stood in front of me again.

I now have to peel the clothing off Mr. Loving. I couldn’t keep my hands from shaking as I unbuttoned his shirt. Why did he wear a button down shirt anyway? He watched my hands as they moved down. Everyone watched me. If anyone was saying anything, I couldn’t hear them over my own heartbeat. I was really careful not to touch him. Until I had to stretch over the little bastard to pull the shirt off his shoulders. Then my chest touched his and we both reacted. His nipples were hard too. Two brown points on a smooth coco butter field, soft but firm, smelling faintly of…something…. I stepped back when I realized he was wearing cologne. He planned this. Damn cracker! Knowing that made it easier to take his shirt the rest of the way off. I hung it in his locker the way he hung my stuff. I could hear the crowd around us then; there were more people than I would have thought yelling out things like ‘take it off, baby’ and ‘shake it, daddy’ but I tried to ignore them.

It must have been funny in a sick, perverted way, to watch me have to get down on my knees to take off his pants. I simply couldn’t bend over like that. There were a few calls for me to suck it when I did finally pull down his shorts but I closed my eyes as I pulled them down just so I wasn’t even tempted to do that. I wished I could close my nose too. He wasn’t wearing cologne down there but he didn’t need it. I got a lump in my throat from the weird, musky manly scent. I tried not to touch his skin at all, although I could feel his warmth no matter what. His scent lingered in his shorts as I put them in his locker. I silently cursed the cold air that was still making me shiver. It had to be the cold air. Damn little bastard. All this is its fault.

“You ready?” Brian was behind me, close. Why won’t these damn White boys leave me alone? “I, uh, I gotta get my books.”

And I was blocking his locker. I stepped aside and grabbed my own book bag. “I’m going to go get that nurse to fix my locker.” I said just to get away from him.

“Ok.” He closed his locker and went with me. We only got to the front door before someone asked him for a Reasonable Request. “Oh, uh, I, uh…”

“Damn!” I snapped. “You don’t have to be my babysitter!” I stalked off happy to be able to get away from him. The nurse wasn’t in her office but the counselor was. “Ms. Scott, can I have a new partner?” I asked without preamble.

“Tyshala! Are things not working out with you and Brian?”

I shrugged. “I just don’t want to be his partner. Can’t I just not have a partner?”

She looked thoughtful. “Close the door. Sit a minute. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing. I just don’t like being his partner.”

“Did he do or say something wrong?”

Not technically. Actually, so far he was doing everything right, damn him. “Does it matter? Can’t I just not have a partner?”

“Well, I suppose. We’ve found that people go through the Program more successfully with a partner – even if the partners don’t get along. Evidence shows that even if the partners are downright hostile to each other, they are more likely to discuss issues that come up with peers than with teachers. There are a great number of case files. I could let you read a few if you’d like.”

Tsk! “I don’t need all that. Never mind.” I started to get up.

“No, now wait. I still want to know why you’ve asked for a new partner. Is it a diversity issue?”

It sounded like a good excuse. “Yeah.”

“So Brian’s being insensitive? He’s making offensive remarks?”

“Well, no.”

“Then are you the one being insensitive?”

“What?” To a White boy? Can you be insensitive to a White boy? “No!”

“You’re sure? You don’t have any issues with him being Hispanic?”

“Hispanic? He’s Latin?”

She looked as smug as a teacher can look. “Why Ms. Brown, I thought you were fully versed in all diversity issues. Perhaps today’s group meeting won’t waste your time after all.” The bell rang. “You’d better get a move on to class. I’m sure your partner is waiting.”

I paused at the door. “Oh, yeah. Can I have that note for Ms. Shadowgard?”

“I’ve spoken to Brooke. She’ll wait until tomorrow to mark your attendance for yesterday.”

Great. I opened the door and sure enough, there was Brian. A couple freshmen girls were taking a close look at his nuts and taking notes. When the door opened, he jumped and startled the girl holding him.

“Ouch!” He cried out and they giggled and apologized. Again, his cream-colored skin was tinted pink with embarrassment. “Sorry. They have a class assignment. Is Ms. Scott going to fix your locker?”

“No.” Ms Scott said over my shoulder. “What’s wrong with your locker?”

I opened my mouth but he answered for me. “The combination’s wrong. It’s not her birthday.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll look into that. Come by at lunch time and we’ll see what’s wrong.”

“OK.” He took my book bag again. “You ready?”

Why won’t he go away?

I stalked off down the hall to homeroom. It was really just to take attendance anyway. No one disturbed me while I read another fifteen pages about someone who’s life actually mattered. Then, I trudged to first period. Mr. McKenna asked about relief then directed us to sit in front of the class again.

“Ok, people! Let’s get started. Chapter 6: Miscegenation and Multiraciality in the World. First impressions. Anyone? First, who did the reading?” He counted hands and then selected someone.

There were a lot of technical terms about biology and statistics about how some people who pass as White are really ‘legally’ Black – like Carol Channing – and who some people who look Black are ‘legally’ White because of how the laws were written. And there was a lot of stuff about DNA. Still, as messed up as the US system was, some other countries had it way worse.

Mr. McKenna asked Brian a question and he jumped next to me. “Huh? Uh, I, er…sorry. What?”

“Are we keeping you awake, Mr. Loving?” Brian blushed. The boy blushed a lot. “You raised your hand yesterday when I asked about interracial relations. What was your experience?”

“Oh.” He glanced at me then back at Mr. McKenna. “I used to go out with a Moorish girl, when I lived in Spain. But my Dad’s White and my Mom’s Spanish. She’s from Ceuta originally.”

“Ah so you are the very product we’ve been discussing! How’s that been for you?”

He shrugged and looked thoughtful, like no one had ever asked that. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m not really Spanish. Half, I guess. I mean, I don’t ever think about it that way. I’m just, you know, white.”

“Pale white.” Someone remarked in the back row. It got a laugh.

Brian laughed too. “Yeah. I spent a year in Ceuta with my Grandmother and I was the only white guy on the island practically!”

“What was that like?”

“Well, people did treat me kind of differently. It was mostly ‘cause I was American, though. I mean, they had to show me stuff everyone else already knew and stuff like that but, I don’t know. I guess I never thought about it.”

“OK. Someone else. Haddin – you are Jewish as I recall, yes? Is that race, culture or religion for you?” We discussed how your mom has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish and they used the little bastard as an example and figured out on the black board what race or religion or caste it would be if I had had it with the various boys in class. But at least the little bastard stayed still the whole time.

It didn’t get active until I was in the hallway on my way to Trig. I was waiting for yet another Brian Reasonable Request and wondering if I’d get any at all when the little bastard started turning and kicking. The foot was fully outlined on my stomach and people actually stopped watching Brian getting felt up to watch the movement in my belly. Someone did ask if they could feel it. He put his hand on me for only a few seconds then pulled it away. “Dude, that is creepy!” The second bell rang before anyone else got up the nerve to try it.

Hurrah. My first Reasonable Request.

We got to math class and both skipped Relief again. I looked at Brian as we sat down. The last girl in the hallway didn’t finish him off leaving him really stiff and if the color of his johnson was anything to go by, he was suffering pretty bad. He hadn’t taken Relief in any of the classes we had together except once. It was odd. Weird White boy. Latin boy. Weird Latin boy.

For once, class was just class. I wasn’t in the front of the room, I wasn’t the example of anything, nobody talked about the little bastard. Just math which was ok. I don’t like for people to know it but I’m actually pretty good at math. But it doesn’t pay for people to know you’re smart. It’s sad; math was created on the African continent – well that’s what I heard, anyway – but the number of Black people that can’t add two and two is scary. Back at my old school, you’d rather be anything other that smart. Smart kids get beat up at best. That’s what you get for thinkin’ you White. I always tried to stay away from the top of the class. Here, I had to struggle just to stay at the bottom. Sometimes I wondered if it was worth it. Even without the little bastard, it wasn’t like I was going to college or something.

Third period – the one I missed having a mental break down yesterday – was Ms. Shadowgard’s Music Appreciation class. It was almost the only class I had without Brian. The first month was all vocabulary and terms and crap no one cares about except maybe music teachers. After that, we listen to stuff in class, take notes and then write a paper about what kind of music it was and whatever. Ms. Shadowgard was pretty cool over all and she brought in a lot of different music. We’d already done some classical, some rock, some country and some Motown. She had promised that we’d do something for everybody. I doubted very seriously we’d hear any Roberta Flack or Angela Bofill but I’d suggested them when she asked anyway.

“There you are!” Ms. Shadowgard actually hugged me. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Did you want Relief today?”

“Uh, no. That hasn’t really been an issue.”

“Oh well, don’t worry about it. Things will return to normal when you pop that little one out. Is it a boy or a girl, do you know?” she laughed to herself. “Do we ever know?”

“I haven’t checked.”

“You’ll have to bring me the pictures as soon as you find out.” She started class. Brahms. “Classical is especially good for prenatal mommies, you know. You all who plan to one day be parents should develop an appreciation for the music we cover for the next few weeks. Oh, and TyShala, I am reserving the last five minutes of class for you from now on. I’d like you to give a verbal presentation on how the baby responds to the music. If our little one’s going to attend class,” she gave the little bastard a gentle pat, “then he or she should participate too.”

For the record, the little bastard seems to like Brahms.

The closer I got to Biology, the less comfortable I got. Ms. Wagner was already planning to use me again which I wasn’t looking forward to. I got to the classroom and she sprinted to the door.

“Hello, Tishshilla! Hello, precious!” She gave my belly a stroke and a quick peck. “Oh, I just love babies! How are you today? Feeling better?” She walked me over to a table in the front of the room. It was elevated just a bit – no doubt to give my class mates a better view.

Brian arrived in time to help me get settled on the table – not that I needed help, mind you. I think he did it as part of his plan to get me.

“Ok. Let’s get started. First, do either of you need Relief?” I glared at Ms. Wagner. “No? Really? You know, I think you two are the only ones who turn down relief in my class. Biology seems to be one of those clichés, I suppose. Alright then. Let’s start with questions about pregnancy and the birth process. Artie?”

There were a few questions, mostly about how babies grow and develop. Finally, she couldn’t ignore the jocks snickering in the back row any longer. “Mr. Who, you have a question?”

“No.” He snickered.

“Please! Out with it.”

“OK.” He looked directly at me. “How do you do it with a pregnant chick?”

There were a few giggles and a few groans and someone commented that you can’t have sex while pregnant.

“Not so.” Ms. Wagner replied quickly. “In fact, many women find that their hormones increase their libidos. Sex during pregnancy is very common.”

“Yeah.” Bill – ‘Dr. Bill’ they called him but I had no idea why – sat next to Who and had been snickering with him. “Common among freaks.”

“Or,” Artie was in the row in front of them, “among guys who love their wives.” A few of the girls in class seemed pleased by that comment.

“But how?” Who went on being a complete irritant. “I mean, you’d have to be like two feet long to get around her now and she ain’t even that big!”

“Ah! Positions, Mr. Who – Shouldn’t that be Mr. Bill and Dr. Who? You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? Must be showing my age again. Never mind. Yes it’s true; you can no longer use the standard missionary position after the abdomen has distended. However, so long as both partners are comfortable, there are a great number of positions available. Let’s see. Mr. Loving, if you would assist please?”

“Uh, ok.” Not only was he blushing but Mr. Happy woke up in a hurry.

“Assist in what?” I asked.

“In demonstrating appropriate positions for the class.”

“Oh hell no!” I hadn’t meant to say that but it popped out.

“Not like she hasn’t done it before!” a girl said – one of Claire McBride’s friends.

“Ms. Brown,” Ms. Wagner cut in before I could reply. “I’m afraid I’m not asking you. Brian, you will not insert anything into Ms. Brown. I do, however, need both of my Program participants to assist in this classroom exercise. Now Ms. Brown, please lay down lengthwise. Oh! I nearly forgot, I brought this for you –“ she pulled a small pillow out from under her desk and put it under my back “-by my sixth month my back ached constantly. Now. Class, notice the overall outline of TyShala’s body. Her breasts appear to be in a near constant state of arousal but for most women, they are very sensitive so you must be very careful about when and how you touch them. Ms. Brown, as we saw yesterday is lactating and many men find that a turn on. In fact, there is much pornography dedicated to pregnancy and lactation. Brian, how do you feel about the subject?”

He swallowed hard. “Uh – I – uh – good. It’s ok. I mean, she’s ok. I mean…”

“You mean, Ms. Brown’s pregnancy has not made her any less attractive in your eyes.” Ms. Wagner seemed to be enjoying this.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Good. Tishshilla, would you like Brian to touch your breasts or are they too sensitive for that?”

The idea made my whole body quiver. It took me right back to this morning and the feeling of my nipples rubbing against his chest for that one brief moment. “Oh no.” I could barely breathe the words.

“Ok. Brian, then let’s start with the obvious. How close can you get to the missionary position?”

He looked at me, our eyes locking for an instant. I knew. I knew in my heart, I knew in every cell of my body. I wanted him. I wanted him more than I ever wanted Terrance. More than I’d ever wanted anything. I knew he would use me – play me and walk away just like Terrance had but I also knew that I didn’t care. I was so desperate, so stupid that I was going to let this White boy do what he wanted to me. Just like the last one did.

Then he was over me. His legs were between mine, with his goods pressed against my cooch. Which nearly did it for me! Most of his weight he settled on his arms and hands as he placed them carefully by my sides.

“How’s that?” Ms. Wagner asked. “Are you both comfortable?”

“Yes.” I answered then looked away from the class.

“Oh, yeah.” Brian practically sighed.

Ms. Wagner talked for a minute then had Brian change positions so that he was standing with my legs over the end of the table. To open my legs wide enough, he put one of them on his shoulder. His goods still rested against me and he could not have missed how wet I was. I wanted to cry again.

Then the little bastard decided to get into the act. Brian rubbed my stomach gently and it settled down again. I looked up to see Brian smiling. Smug SOB!

Ms. Wagner had me get on my knees for a couple positions. Then she had Brian lie down and we showed some positions where I was on top. Fat as I am, even without being prego, I’ll never be on top! Every time the little bastard got active, Brian rubbed my stomach until it settled down. I’ve never been so mad and so turned on at the same time on my life! Having him rub against me like this was driving me crazy. And the whole time, he had this smug, know-it-all, expression like everything was falling into place for him.

Finally, class was nearly over and Ms. Wagner suggested one last position. “Of course, it should go without saying – spooning.”

“What’s that?” Bill asked.

“Just like it sounds. You both lie on your sides like spoons in a drawer. He lies behind her…” As she described it, Brian lay behind me and pulled close in. His whole body pressed around mine and his arm wrapped gently around my stomach. I’d never felt so warm – so loved – in my entire life. I know a few tears fell; I couldn’t stop them. Why couldn’t Terrance be the one doing this? If it has to be some White boy, why couldn’t it be the right one? The one that did this to me?

“My aunt said that you shouldn't swallow if you're knocked up.” A girl asked. It was the same one who sucked Brian yesterday.

“I don't see why not.” Ms. Wagner replied. “Although, sometimes a woman's tastes can change during pregnancy so you may want to be careful if you find semen makes you unusually queasy.”

“Ms. Wagner?” I heard a random voice from the back of the room. “What about going down? Can you do that?”

“Oral sex? Of course! I’ve said it in this class before, I’m sure I’ll say it again. There is nothing toxic about a healthy vagina. We’ve already demonstrated, last year, that oral sex during menstruation was safe.” She glanced at me. “Perhaps this week we’ll get a chance to see that it’s also safe during pregnancy.”

And then, softly, Brian’s lips brushed the back of my neck. My whole body shook. I felt like I’d been shocked. It was only a few seconds but I recognized an orgasm from the descriptions I’d heard. Terrance had promised that he’d make me feel good. But it hadn’t felt that good. I wanted him to do it again. For a minute, I would have done anything for him to do it again. But then the little bastard kicked and I remembered who I was and who he was and wanted to cry again.

The bell rang and I pushed him away from me, struggled off the table and hurried to lunch.

Of course, at my speed that simply meant that Brian had to take an extra two steps to catch up with me. “Did I hurt you?” He asked, acting like he was really worried.

I stopped suddenly. “Do you want to do me? Is that it?”

“What?”

“Just get it over with. I’m tired of you playing.”

“Did I get too close or something? It was hard…I mean I was…I mean I had a hard time…I couldn’t…Sorry! I’m sorry. Ty! Wait up!”

“Don’t call me that.” Terrance called me that.

We got to the lunchroom and he followed me through the lunch line. When I grabbed a single slice again, he put a salad on my tray as well. “I don’t want that.”

“You promised your Dad you’d eat.”

“He’s not my Dad.”

“He says he is.”

“So? Shit says it don’t stink.”

“Ty!”

I hated to admit it, but the salad actually looked better than the pizza did. I rolled my eyes, put the slice back and found some tuna to go with it. Brian smiled his approval. I was beginning to hate that smile. It was beautiful and I wanted to see it way too much. I looked at my old table; Michelle was the only one who met my eyes. She gave me a little wave but Brian pulled me to the Program group before I could respond.

The Program table would have been silent if the guys hadn’t had some game to talk about. Brittney and the bitches glared at me and I glared at them. I ate as quickly as I could and got up as soon as I was done.

“You’re done already?” Brian looked up from the conversation.

“My locker.” I remembered. “I gotta go see Ms. Scott.”

“Oh, right.” He started to pack up his tray but I tsked again.

“Who invited you?”

“We’re partners. I thought…”

“Think again.” I left before he could get himself together.

Ms. Scott was able to change my locker combination fairly quickly. My school records did have the wrong date of birth. The bitch in the administrative office, however, insisted that my parent or guardian would have to come down to the school and change it. “If I give you the form,” she intoned mindlessly, “How do I know your parent fills it out?”

I put it on the list of things that will never happen in my life and went to Spanish.

Senor Downey gave a test on the vocabulary we studied yesterday. I wrote ‘bebe’ on every blank line. It was better than writing ‘Brian’ which is what I was thinking. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I like Black boys; they like me, mostly. But it’s these White boys that keep coming on to me. It’s not right. It’s like they think I’m ashamed of being Black. I’m not. I’m ashamed of being knocked up and poor and stupid. I’m not White and I don’t want to be White. I’m not even sure what that means. All I know is….

“Put your pencils down. Everyone hand your papers forward.” Senor Downey’s voice cut through my train of thought. I looked at my test and handed it forward. It wasn’t like I was in danger of passing Spanish.

I was in danger of wetting myself, I realized and rushed out of the room. Most days, I actually only had to stop every other class but I could tell when the little bastard was standing on my bladder just to be a pain.

“Senorita Brown,” Senor Downey called out. “May I see you for a moment, por favor?”

“I’ll come back.” I raced for the guy’s restroom where one of them had a heart and let me cut the line. I still wasn’t getting any Reasonable Requests but at least people were beginning to act like I was still human. Not some freak. When I got back to the classroom, Brian and Senor Downing were talking. In Spanish. I guess he is Latino, I thought.

“Senorita Brown, I know you have a lot going on right now,” Downey started, “but you are falling behind in this class already. I have been speaking with Senor Loving and he has agreed to be your tutor for the rest of the semester.”

My Spanish tutor. Sneaky, devious, underhand little wanna-be-latin White boy! I glared at him.

“I’m fluent.” He said like that helped matters. “I used to live there. I’ve tutored before. Really.”

“Ms. Brown? Are you going to do this? Because I need you to do something to pull your grade up. And I’m not accepting this test today; I’ll give you a make up exam on Friday.”

Oh good. I sighed. “Yeah, whatever. Can I go?”

Senor Downey shook his head and muttered something in Spanish. “You will pass this test on Friday or I want to have a meeting with your parents.” Yeah, I’d like to see him met with my parents too.

He let us go. We got stopped in the hallway twice while Brian got asked for Reasonable Requests. No one was interested in the fat prego Black chick still.

And then we got to Lit. The class discussion centered on last night’s reading – we got up thru the part where Hester refuses to name the baby’s father. I can relate.

“What does your baby’s father think of all this, TyShala?” Mr. GloboAmante suddenly asked. “Does he know we’re reading Scarlet Letter?”

“He don’t know nothing! Why would I tell him?”

“Oh, well I didn’t know if he’s in school here or if you have daily contact with him.”

I tsked. “He don’t even know.” I cursed myself for saying it aloud in this class of all places but couldn’t stop my mouth from going even further. “And wouldn’t care if he did.”

“I’m sure he’d care.” Brian cut in. “If he knew. Even Dimmesdale cares he just can’t say anything yet.”

“You’ve been reading ahead, Mr. Loving.” Mr. GloboAmante said. “But let’s not get too far off topic. Ms. Brown, I won’t ask about your personal circumstance. But do you think Hester has made the right decision?”

“Yeah.” I answered. Brian under toned a ‘no’ but I ignored him.

“Why’s that?”

“Cause. He doesn’t care. If he loved her, if he wanted to help somehow, he would have revealed himself by now. Where was he while she was sitting up in that jail? If he cared, he would have been there then.”

“Point.” Mr. GloboAmante nodded. “Good point. There is a reason and you should see it in tonight’s reading but you bring me to a new topic. Hester was sent to jail for adultery! Did the community have the right to do that?” It sparked a class debate.

I didn’t hear much of it. Brian leaned over and whispered in my ear. “You should tell him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he needs to know.”

“Tsk! Pu-lease!”

“Ty, seriously. OK, maybe you’re right, maybe he doesn’t really care but what if he does? What if having a baby means everything to him?”

“What if a bullfrog had wings?” I sneered. “He doesn’t care.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause I know! Damn!”

“But what if….”

“Is this relevant to the current class discussion?” Mr. GloboAmante asked over us. “Or could this wait until after class?”

We both shut up at that point but he kept giving me these looks throughout the rest of the class.

I only escaped him briefly on the way to Drama because he got stopped again.

Mr. Jordan had the other pairs go first. No one in the class is an actor so no one expects great performances and no one really worries about looking bad – we all look bad. After each pair, we talked about what worked, what didn’t work and then moved to the next pair. When Brian and I were finally up, he looked at the script – nobody ever actually memorized them in this class – then looked at me and said:

“Hey Ty; where you been? How come you didn’t return my call?”

Everyone else had said Jamie like it said in the script. Brian was trying to make it all personal. I didn’t want this to be personal. I didn’t want this anywhere near personal.

“Tishshilla, that’s your cue.” Mr. Jordan said softly. “Give her the line again.”

“Hey Ty; where you been? How come you didn’t return my call?”

“Hey, Brian. I meant to call you. I’ve been busy. Brian.”

He read the scene and everywhere the script said ‘Jamie’ he said 'Ty'. He said it in a couple places the script didn’t call for it too.

I said I didn’t know how to tell him what I want to tell him. He said to just say it, that he’d understand. I said it was hard. He said nothing would change. I said everything would change. He said he’d love me anyway; that wasn’t in the script.

When we finally got to the line where I actually had to say, ‘I am pregnant’ I was shaking. It occurred to me that I had never actually said the words out loud. The doctor told Marie. The city told the Redmonds. My naked body told the whole school. The words had never come from me – even when we rehearsed it, I just pointed to my stomach. I got to the words and my vision blurred. “I’m pregnant.” I whispered.

“What?” Brian was supposed to sound surprised but instead, it was as if he was making me say it louder.

But I couldn’t. “I’m pregnant.” I whispered again.

Brian’s lip trembled visibly and if he was acting, then he should been getting an Oscar, a Tony and an Emmy. “Is it mine?” That wasn’t in the script either but it should have been – it’s got to be the number one first question guys ask.

But I couldn’t answer it. Jamie would have said yes to Casey but Ty would have to say no to Brian. “I wish.” I finally croaked out and then wiped my face with the back of my hand.

Brian stepped close enough to wipe my face. Then he kissed me. He put his lips on top of mine and pressed them firmly down. His hands slipped down and caressed my stomach. It wasn’t in the script.

It was wonderful.

The class applauded.

Brian pulled away from me and blushed scarlet. I didn’t know how to react.

Mr. Jordan saved me by starting the usual analysis – what worked, what didn’t, and so on. They liked the way we changed the script. They like the way he seemed to help me say it. They liked the kiss at the end.

“I wish we’d re-written ours.” Chrissy said. A few others agreed.

Mr. Jordan considered it for a moment then nodded. “OK, let’s. Take your interpretation of the scene, and edit the script.” He gave us a few guidelines and let everyone spend the rest of class writing. He gave my shoulders a squeeze. “I’ll make an actress of you yet.”

“If you can tell me, you can tell him.” Brian said.

“Why is that any of you business?”

“It’s not. I’m just saying.”

“If it’s none of your business, then, why are you in it?”

“I’m not. I’m just saying.”

“Let it go.”

“Ok.” We both stared at the script. “But, seriously. You should tell him.” The bell rang before we could get into it more than that. Again, he got stopped for Reasonable Requests without me. I was beginning to get used to the idea. Not happily but not like I had any choice.

I got the gym and Mrs. Tenyari waved me over. “TyShayla, this is Ms. Stuttgart. She teaches pregnancy yoga and Lamaze over at the hospital. She’s offered to do some one-on-one training with you.”

We moved over to a different area of the gym and she asked me about my eating habits and did I get much exercise and that kind of thing. Then she made me do some stretches and things. It wasn’t bad. Thanks to Step, I could do a lot of what she showed me.

“You people are so athletic.”

I stared at her. “Who people?”

She opened her mouth and closed it. “Teens, of course.” She said on her second try. We didn’t talk about anything other than the exercise after that.

Mrs. Tenyari blew her whistle to end class and Brian practically ran over to us. “Hey! I thought you needed a partner for that stuff?”

“Well, there are several exercises that are good for pregnant mommies that daddies can help with…” Ms. Stuttgart started with.”

“He not no daddy.” I said flatly.

“Ok.” She looked startled but went on. “But what we did today, can be done with or without a partner. You only really need a partner when we get to the Lamaze portions.”

“Can I do it?” He asked her.

“No.” I said before she could answer.

“Well, naturally, you’ll need to take classes with your real Lamaze coach. But if a classmate wants to help out, that might be worth considering.” She smiled at me. “Of course, we have a little while before that decision needs to be made. I’ll see you Thursday.”

I scooted off to shower before Brian could say anything more to me. Only after I was under the water did I remember the vague threat that that guys had implied on Monday. None of them approached me, however. It was yet another testament to how different things were here. At my old school, there were a couple gang bangs with knocked up girls. Here, they acted like I was infected.

I dried off and left the locker room without any further fuss. I started to head to the lockers when I remembered Ms. Scott’s diversity group meeting. I turned around and headed for the administrative offices. There was a sign on her door directing people to another office for the meeting.

Once I got there, I found the conference room with Ms. Scott and twelve kids, some I had seen around, others I didn’t recognize at all. Malik was there, as was Stephen. A lot of White boys. Then again, the school had a lot of White boys so any group would have a lot of them. At my old school, the group would look like a photo negative of this one.

“OK. We’re all here now, so why don’t we get started.” Ms. Scott said. “Heather, why don’t you start this week. How was it?”

A dark haired girl shrugged. “Ok, I guess. Dad’s getting used to me not wearing a hijab all the time, and I still feel a little naked without it. But I haven’t been getting harassed anymore.”

“So? Are you going to go without it from now own?”

“I don’t know.”

“I still say it’s stupid!” One of the guy scoffed. “It’s just a scarf. Get over it.”

“It’s not!” Heather shot back.

“Mark!” Ms. Scott interceded. “How is your project going?”

He rolled his eyes. “OK. I guess.”

“More specifically?”

“I went to a Baptist church on Sunday with Steph.” He jerked his thumb in Stephen’s direction. “He went with me to Mass last week.”

She looked between the two of them. “Really? Excellent! How did that go?”

Stephen shrugged. “No choir. A lot of Latin.”

“And the message?”

The guys exchanged a look. “Mostly the same.”

“So your core beliefs are not that different, after all?” Ms. Scott looked smug as neither boy seemed to want to answer that. “Ok. Anyone else working on something specific? Ok. Anyone have any specific problems this week?”

There was a moment of silence. The Malik spoke up. “Yeah, I had one. I got really mad about a racial stereotype this week.”

Ms. Scott’s eyes just barely flicked to me. “Oh?”

“Yeah. Just when I think we’ve finally gotten past the ghetto, hood-rat, welfare-momma, baby’s-daddy-having image of Black women, one shows up at our school.”

The room was not just silent, it was cold and silent. Stephen was looking at the table. Malik was looking at me.

“You forgot crack whore.” I said finally.

“That too.” He replied.

“Ok. Let’s discuss this.” Ms. Scott said softly. “First of all, we know that many stereotypes have an unfortunate basis in truth.”

“Not in my family.” Malik stated. “None of my sisters got pregnant before they got married.”

“Then you got lucky.” Observed a boy I didn’t know. “My cousin did. Of course, she qualifies as poor white trash.” A few around the table laughed at that. Not Ms. Scott.

“That’s another term we don’t use in this group, Phil.” She said. “Malik, why do you find TyShala’s pregnancy so personally offensive?”

“Because she’s bringing our whole community down?” he asked as if she couldn’t figure it out on her own.

“TyShala, what do you think? Do you see yourself as bringing down an entire community?”

I looked at her for a minute. She really didn’t get it. “Duh. I’m the ghetto trash he came here to avoid.” Ms. Scott looked a bit stunned, like she wasn’t expecting me to agree with him. “I’m not some ofay bougie person of color. I am a garden variety nigger.”

“That is a word we do not use in this group.” She snapped. “So this is economic in addition to being racial? Because Shay comes from a lower economic background, you think you are somehow better?” Malik didn’t answer that. Neither did Stephen. “Show of hands. How many of you are here on scholarship or some other form of financial aide?” All but two hands went up, Malik and Stephen included but not mine. “So maybe she’s not below you after all. Maybe she had a bad turn of circumstance.”

“Maybe she was raped.” Said a girl I hadn’t noticed earlier. Judging by their responses to that one, none of the guys had considered that.

“Maybe.” Ms. Scott nodded. “Did you ever consider that this might be the time she most needs the support of upstanding, strong Black men in her community? Malik, how well do you know TyShala?”

He shrugged. “Ok, I guess.”

“Do you think she’s intelligent?” He nodded once. “Do you think that she would be in these circumstances if there had not been a specific turn of events?” He shook his head. “But you are still willing to let a general stereotype supersede your personal knowledge of the girl you know?” He didn’t respond.

She looked around the room. “Others? How do you respond to TyShala’s ‘condition’?”

Mark shrugged. “I didn’t think it was that big a deal. I mean, girls get knocked up. They usually just go to the clinic. I figured she and the guy must be in love or something.” I looked at him; his hair was practically shaved. The last thing I expected was an almost positive image of this from the boy who looked Nazi.

Heather spoke softly. “At home, they would have married her to the boy. It would have been blessed then. To have the child alone would shame her whole family.”

A few others spoke up. A pregnant teen, in general, still made them feel awkward. But the longer I listened, the more it seemed like it would have been any pregnant girl for most of them. Only Stephen, Malik and I had the race card attached to it. Finally, Ms. Scott called time for the group. As the others gathered their things, the quiet girl moved closer to me.

“Look, I just wanted to say, I think you’re really brave.”

“Brave!” I actually snorted. “I would have flushed it if the city woulda let me!”

“Be glad they didn’t.” she looked away. “I did.”

Two words. I felt like a complete ass. “Oh.”

“My Mom said it would be better. I wouldn’t think about it so much.” When I didn’t respond, she looked at me again. “I was raped by a Black boy. That’s why I’m in the group. To try to get over it.”

“Is it helping?” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah. Kinda. I still have an easier time with dark skinned guys because…he was…you know…” she lowered her voice, “he looked a lot like Malik.” Like roughly 80% of the Black male population. “But at least I’m not still hiding all the time and I can talk to him now. But for a long time, I hated all Black guys. Ms. Scott’s helped a lot.” She hesitated. “Can I – can I touch your stomach?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Like I was going to say no.

“What’s it like?”

“What? Being pregnant?” I floundered. “I don’t know. I’m always tired. And hungry. My back hurts. And I’m fat.”

“But you’re going to have a little baby to hold and love.”

“Yeah.”

She suddenly looked stricken. “Oh! Was it…like that for you too?”

“No. No, I was stupid. I let a guy talk me in to doing it and I wasn’t protected.”

“Oh.”

“So, all that stuff Malik said about me is true.”

“No it’s not.” We both looked up to see Stephen behind me. The girl took a step back and Stephen frowned. I wondered if he knew about her. “Look, Shay-shay, I just wanted to say, I’ve been an ass the last couple days and I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool. I would have done the same if it had been someone else.”

“Yeah, well, anyway. Sorry. I gotta go. See you guys next week.”

The girl said her goodbyes too and I realized that I didn’t catch her name. Next week, I guess.

Ms. Scott was still there with a slip of paper in her hand. She handed it out to me when I came closer. “You came. Your slip. Still feel diverse?”

“Yeah.” But I threw her a bone. “But I guess I’m not the only one.”

I headed for the lockers and my clothes. Brian was dressed and waiting. “I’ve got your stuff," he said before I could start, “so I waited.”

After all that ‘community’ it seemed wrong to snap at him again. “Thanks.” He helped me dress; I let him. It was almost as good as letting him undress me. I tried to remember that it was all an act for him.

He grabbed my book bag and headed for his car again. I could have insisted on riding the bus but honestly, I just didn’t want to. He took me home.

“Ty. TyShala. Can I ask you something?” He asked as he set the parking brake.

“What?”

“Do you have something against me personally?”

I shrugged. “Not really.”

“Then, then can I make a reasonable request?”

“I’m not naked and we not at school.” Two very good reasons.

“I know but humor me.”

“Depends on what it is.” Suddenly it was very warm in the car.

“Can I kiss you?”

I thought my heart was going to pound through my chest. “I told you I don’t date…”

“I know. I just wanna see something.”

I don’t want to kiss him. I mean, I want to more than anything but I know, once I do, he’s going to own me. “What you mean kiss? Like how?”

“Like a full kiss. I mean, no tongue. Ok? Just a full kiss.”

It sounded simple. “Make it quick.” In an effort not to look at him, I closed my eyes.

And so I had no warning when his lips pressed against mine. His warmth, his scent, his taste – like our lips weren’t going to part! I tried not to groan. It came out like a soft whimper. He just moaned as he pulled away. “Can I take you out Friday?” he gasped.

“No!” I struggled with the seatbelt and the door and nearly fell getting out of the car. It was stupid. What was he going to do – take advantage of me and knock me up again? But part of me thought that’s exactly what he’ll do. If it were possible, he’d do it just like Terrence would. I got in the house and realized that my books were still in the car. “Damn!” I peered out the window and saw a very sad looking Brian walking back to his car. I could just see my bag’s strap on the front step.

I grabbed the bag and slammed the door shut again.

It took me a few minutes to pull myself together. Then I got a snack and started my homework. Really, I opened my books and stared at the pages blankly. Why was he wearing cologne? Why did he care if I told Terrence or not? Why didn’t he have a girlfriend and why didn’t he want one? Why kiss me if he didn’t want a girlfriend? Maybe he was gay and just testing. Why kiss me not Alyssa?

“Tish?” Mrs. Redmond opened my bedroom door. “You are here! I was beginning to wonder. Come on down for dinner, honey. It’s getting cold.”

“Dinner?”

“I called you half an hour ago.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t heard a thing. I hadn’t done a thing either. It was already 8:30 and I hadn’t done anything but try and figure out Brian’s angle in all this.

Mrs. Redmond tried to get me to talk about school but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t involve Brian and I didn’t want to discuss him so I tried not to talk. Finally, she gave up and we ate in silence.

After dinner, after I cleaned the kitchen, I went back to my room, intent on finishing my homework.

Instead, I fell asleep on the floor.

Go to Chapter: Mon Tues Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun

I woke up feeling the lingering warmth of Brian’s lips on mine.

When I opened my eyes, however, I was alone, on the floor and sore as all hell. I managed to lever myself up and I was in the shower trying to wake up all the way when Mrs. Redmond told me he was downstairs and they were holding breakfast for me.

I looked at my clothes. One uniform skirt and one pair uniform pants – none of my other bottoms fit anymore. I took the skirt because it was easier. Not because I’ve been told I have good legs. I was going to be naked all day so it didn’t matter if I wore a uniform shirt or not. And since everyone knew I was prego now, it didn’t matter if I wore something that showed the bump. So the cute top with the cleavage was just the first thing my hand hit. That I liked. That still fit right and almost looked good. Not to impress him.

I came down to the kitchen and heard something frying.

Mrs. Redmond looked up, smiled, then looked away quickly. “There you are! You took so long I decided to start without you. Philip? You too! I’ve made coffee!”

There was a distant acknowledgement.

I looked at Brian who was looking at me. Then he realized I saw him looking at my chest and he looked away blushing again. “Uh, morning Ty.”

“Yeah. Morning.”

Mrs. Redmond gave me a plate of food, some vitamins and a glass of milk. “Hurry up. I want you two out on time.” She put a plate in front of Brian as well.

Mr. Redmond came in grabbed the coffee pot and searched for a travel mug. They went through a very married argument about how he never washed them and she never put them away in the same place twice. They got it sorted out before someone got scalded. As he headed for the front door, he paused. “Shay-Shay, I need to worry about this one yet?” He pointed to Brian.

“No.” I said.

“Alright. I’m late tonight.” And was gone.

We ate without much conversation and got out of the house in plenty of time to get to school. The crowd in front of the lockers had gotten an early start with the freshmen.

“Well, we’re here, so we might as well go next.” Brian said with a shrug. “Same as yest-“

“Hey, Shay-Shay?” Stephen interrupted us. “Let me do it today.”

I couldn’t help it. I looked a Brian first to see what he’d say. Brian had his back turned and was already undressing. “Sure.” I said finally. “Whatever.”

Stephen was taller than Brian and a lot less hesitant. He felt up my breasts as he took off my bra. “You got some big titties, girl!” He squeezed the nipple and got squirted for it, much to both our surprises. “Whoa! Aw, man! That’s kinda hot!” He did it again.

I stopped him before he got to happy with it. “Excuse me! Do you mind?”

He grinned sheepishly. “Sorry.” He gave my breasts a sort of apologetic massage and then moved down to my skirt. He cupped my butt much longer than necessary and stroked my legs. “You still fine, Shay-Shay. That baby’s all right here.” His hands brushed over my stomach. “I mean, from the back, you can’t even tell, can you?” He called over his shoulder. “’Eh, yo, Bryant! Check it out?”

I heard Bryant’s laughter behind me. “Dog! Who you get in the Program for a day? You trying to tap that ass?” I looked over my shoulder and his expression changed. “Oh snap! TyShala? Oh, yo, no disrespect, right?” His eyes drifted back to my naked behind. “Damn, girl.”

“I notice neither of you were interested yesterday!” I pulled away from them both and bent over to pick up my clothes. Stephen had simply dropped them on the ground and I nearly fell over trying to stoop down to get them.

Brian’s hand steadied me. “That’s why I hung them yesterday.” He shook his head and scooped the whole pile out from under me. Stephen and Bryant both sheepishly apologized and helped me up. Both of them let their hands brush my tits and butt more than necessary.

I got to Homeroom without further groping. It may have been my imagination, but people didn’t seem as freaked out by me in the hallway. I still didn’t get any Reasonable Requests but people weren’t going out of their way to avoid looking at me either. It almost seemed normal. Homeroom itself was pretty normal. I pulled out my book and got another chapter finished before I had to gather myself to head to Sociology.

Or, rather, before Brian gathered them for me. “Can I ask you something?” He asked as he unnecessarily helped me with my books.

“You just did.” I levered myself up. If I have trouble standing now, what am I going to look like in three months?

He rolled his eyes for once. “Come on! Look, do you have something against the Program?”

I had to stare at him for a minute because I couldn’t believe those word came out of his mouth. “Are you for real? You mean, other than, I’m in it?”

“Everybody has to be in it.”

“But why do I have to be in it now? Why couldn’t I do this next year? Why I got to do it like this?”

Clearly he hadn’t thought of that. “Oh.” His brow furrowed, then he got the bright idea. “Well, just get dressed! This week won’t count and you’ll have to do it later anyway.” There wasn’t enough exasperation in the world. I pushed past him and headed to my next class. “Well?”

I stopped. “Dumb ass! I was trying to hid this!” I gestured to my stomach. “It doesn’t matter if I get dressed now ‘cause everybody already knows!”

“So it’s not the Program, it’s being pregnant.”

“Are you just stupid?” I shook my head.

“Whoa! Wait up!” He almost had to walk quickly to catch me. “Ok, yeah, that was kinda dumb. But, you won’t ask for relief and you won’t let anybody do a Reasonable Request and….”

“I won’t let?” I practically screamed, stopping suddenly. “You see anybody asking?”

“Well, not right now but…”

“Not right now, not yesterday and won’t be none tomorrow! You the one everybody wanna touch! They don’t even want to look at me!” I ran into the nearest girls room.

He followed me in. “You’re supposed to be in the boys room this week.”

“Leave me alone!” I hollered from the stall, trying not to cry again. The two girls who had been in there cleared out.

“Ty…”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Jeez! Sorry! TyShala! A couple of the guys told me that they want to ask but they – they think it’s a Black/White thing. Only I didn’t think any of the Black guys had, y’know, gotten a request either.”

“Nobody’s gotten one ‘cause nobody’s asked!”

“Well you’ve been scowling at everybody.”

“Oh I’m sorry I’m not happy about it. There, I’ll smile.” I came out to wash my hands and smiled as wide as I could manage. “See?” I almost add ‘happy miz kizzy’ but I didn’t think he’d get the reference. I moved past him and got to Sociology still un-touched.

“Relief?” Mr. McKenna asked and when I shook my head, waved me to my regular seat.

Brian passed on relief and took the seat beside me. “So, what is it, then?”

“What is what?”

“I mean, I know you don’t want to be stuck in the Program now, but you are, right? And even if you get out of it this week, the secret’s out and everybody knows about the baby, right? So, why not, y’know, enjoy it?”

Boys are incredibly stupid.

I couldn’t think of any way to respond to that question. Why don’t I just enjoy being shamed and humiliated in front of my entire school? Why don’t I just act like the slut they all undoubtedly already think I am?

“Mr. Loving!” Mr. McKenna’s voice rang out. “If you make a pregnant woman cry in my class, I will find a way to make you pay.” He grinned at the rest of the class. “My wife cried everyday during her last two pregnancies. I can’t stand the sound of it any more. You, young man, are going to have to learn to tread more lightly if you’re going to be her partner in all this.”

Which did actually start the water works. I got out of class as quickly as I could and made it to the boys room. There was only one stall and I locked myself in it. A minute later, Brian was on the other side of it.

“TyShala, I’m sorry! What did I say?” He pulled on the door. “Come on, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I wasn’t trying to upset you. I just…” he paused for a minute and I blew my nose. “I just don’t want the whole week to be a drag for you.”

“A drag?” Talk about understatements!

“Y’know. Kind of a downer. When I saw you were my partner, I was really hoping….” He stopped abruptly. “Look, I’m really sorry if I said something wrong, ok?”

I sat there, sniffing. The tears had stopped already – they rarely lasted long when I gave in to them. He really had been trying to be nice the whole time and I wasn’t making it easy for him. And he did do nice little things like hang my clothes and carry my books. How classic! He carried my books to class for me. Next he’ll be asking my Father…well, Mr. Redmond. He won’t ask my father a damn thing. “Brian. I’m gonna ask you something. You promise to tell me the God’s honest truth?”

“Yeah, sure!”

“Do you think I’m a slut?”

“No!”

“So how you think I got pregnant?”

He sputtered for a moment. “I don’t know! You just…he…I mean, obviously you had sex but that doesn’t mean you’re, y’know…. Look, shit happens, right?”

And this qualifies as shit.

“Would you go out with a girl you knew had a kid?” I asked him.

“You can’t use me.” He said.

“Why not?”

“I’m the one who tried to kiss you. Remember?”

God, I wanted to kiss him.

And then everybody will know I’m a slut – prego by one guy, making out with another.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door. “TyShawla?” Mr. McKenna called out. “Unless you’ve got some kind of emergency, you need to come out now. And, since he’s not supposed to be in there, I’m assuming you don’t know where Brian is.”

“Crap!” Brian said softly.

“Two minutes, Ms. Brown. OK?”

“Ok!” I yelled out. I waited a minute; Brian waited with me. “You should go back.” I said finally.

“You’re my partner. I go when you go.”

I was getting really tired of this ‘nice guy’ act. “OK. You can stop now.”

“Stop what?”

“This nice bullshit. Nobody’s that nice. You overplayed your part. You can stop now.”

“I’m not acting.”

“Bullshit!” I did come out of the stall then and had to push past him to get to the sink. “You got to block the door?”

“Oh, uh, sorry! But I’m not acting. I just like you.” I almost managed a laugh at that. “Seriously. I do!”

“What, you a glutton for abuse?”

“No. I just…” He shrugged. “Ok, I guess, kinda. I don’t know. I liked you before this week.”

“I didn’t know you before this week.”

“I knew you.”

“How you gonna know me, I don’t know you?” I stared at him until he realized he was now standing in front of the paper towels.

“I noticed you. We have every class together practically and I’d seen you in class and around the school and in Drill and I liked you.”

“You ain’t say nothing.”

“I…” he blushed again, “I didn’t think you’d noticed me.”

“I hadn’t.” It was spiteful but I said it.

“Yeah.” He blushed again and turned away. “Well. I’d noticed you.” It’s hard to turn away in a bathroom where one full wall is mirrored. Not only was he blushing, but something had woke up Mr. Happy. I was very glad he couldn’t tell that I was blushing. That couldn’t be over me. “And I was hoping I’d get a good excuse to talk to you.”

“Well you have and I’m not nice so stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to be all…sweet. All nice. You don’t have to act nice and all. I’m not buying it!” I marched out of the bathroom and back into class.

“Ah, the lost are found!” Mr. McKenna smirked as we returned to our seats. “Next time, don’t pass on relief; it’s much less disruptive.” The whole class snickered at that and Brian went from pink to scarlet. “Mr. Loving, while you were…busy…we got to the 1967 verdict of Loving vs the State of Virginia. Are you related?”

“Related to what?” he looked thoroughly confused.

“To the couple in the ’67 Supreme Court case legalizing interracial marriage. Which, ultimately led to last year’s decision legalizing same gender marriages but we’ll get into that in the next chapter as we discuss Civil Rights in the new century. So Brian, does this,” he gestured to Brian and I, “run in the family or merely a coincidence?”

Whatever comes after scarlet, Brian turned that. “Uh, we’re…she’s not…uh…”

“Uh, this,” I repeated Mr. McKenna’s gesture, “is just the Program.”

McKenna actually blushed slightly himself. “I’m just teasing, TyShawla. I know better than to get involved with student relations. See Senor Downey for that. He has quite the reputation for matchmaking. Now. Brian – homework tonight. Find out if Richard and Mildred are relations of yours and how that’s affected your family if they are. Everyone else, read the rest of the chapter and answer problems 1, 3, 5 and 7 in the chapter review. There’s the bell, so you’re dismissed. You two, wait a moment.” He waited until the rest of our class had left and closed the door. “Ok, I admit I’ve been giving you two a bit of a hard time. So if I go too far, just tell me and I’ll back off. I’m just teasing, no offence intended, ok?”

Brian and I exchanged a look. “Yeah. Whatever.” I shrugged. “It’s not like anyone would believe he’s with me like that.”

McKenna had an odd expression for a moment. “Ohhhhhhh.” He finally said. He looked at Brian and shook his head. “Hopeless.” He muttered. “OK. That’s it for me. I just wanted to make sure you guys knew I didn’t mean any harm.”

“Yeah.” Brian stood up. “It’s all cool, Mr. McKenna.” He grabbed my book bag before I could and headed to our next class.

As soon as the bell rang, Ms. Grant gave a pop quiz. Math was easy compared to boys. Math had solutions. You might have a variable but if you have all the tools – if you know whether you’re adding or subtracting or whatever, you can find the unknown. Boys are just a series of unknowns without any guidelines telling you what to do. Math problems I can do; boy problems can’t be done.

I finished the ten problems before she called time. And she had us pass the test to the student next to us – I exchanged with the guy on my left, not Brian on my right – and I actually got 100%. At my old school that would have practically guaranteed I was going to get beat up at lunch. Here, people acted like it was a good thing.

Brian leaned over. “Maybe you should tutor me. I don’t get math at all.”

“Maybe you should just stop!”

“Most people cheat during the test not after.” Ms. Grant called out and we shut up.

There were still no reasonable requests on my way to Music. I did notice that Brian went into the class two doors down. For a minute, I was sort of sorry that we didn’t have this class together but then I got a grip. Ms. Shadowgard had Beethoven today and all that piano gave me a headache. The brat seemed to like it. I decided it liked piano mostly to irritate me. Ms. Shadowgard let us out a couple minutes early. I could have just gone straight to Biology.

But Brian was my Program Partner. It really didn’t matter that he was trying to pull some scam on me. I should wait for him. Not because I want to see him. I don’t. I didn’t care to see him at all. But, as my partner – my program partner – I should wait for him. His classroom door was open and I could hear someone speaking in rapid fire Spanish. Senor Downey saw me by the door, glanced at his watch and motioned me into the room. I sat and listened to one of the advanced Spanish students read from a novel. Then Brian read the next page until the bell rang. The whole class was in Spanish; no one said a word of English until Brian came over to me and picked up my books.

“Hey!” He practically beamed that smile at me. “You waited!”

“Whatever. Let’s go.” I got two steps out the door when I heard someone call me.

“Hey, is that…? Tish-shaw-luh? Wait up! I got a request!” I stopped and turned around. I vaguely recognized the boy – then realized it was the boy that had been so excited by my near-fight with Claire on Monday. He glanced at Brian then back at me. “Can I look at your stomach?”

It sounded odd to me. “Why?”

He colored faintly. “I just want to is all.”

I waited; he waited. “Well?” I finally snapped. “Look!”

“Cool.” He grinned and got on his knees. Then he started very slowly stroking my stomach like he was tracing the stretch marks. He followed them around my stomach, down my thighs and across my ass. A surprising number of people stopped in the hallway to watch.

Another thing I’d forgotten about. I’ll have stretch marks forever. A roadmap of scars that will show everybody that I’m too stupid to keep my knees shut. Still, his fingers gliding over them felt wonderful. I’ll bet Brian’s fingers would have….Do not think about Brian’s fingers. Or his hands. Or his lips or tongue or…. The boy asked me to spread my legs and I did. His fingers moved around my inner thighs.

“Are these all from the baby?” He asked softly.

“No.” I was breathless and had to take a moment to steady my voice. “I used to be really big. I lost weight last year.”

“Wow. Don’t lose any more. Can I touch it?”

You’re already touching it, I thought, and said “whatever.”

His fingertips brushed the hair of my slit. My knees shook. His fingers probed a bit deeper and he pushed my thighs a little to get me to step a bit wider. “Oh wow…” I could just hear him say. I felt his breath on my lower lips.

“I gotta get to class.” I said, mildly panicked. I know what Ms. Wagner says, but nobody’s ever done that – not to me at least – what if they don’t like it? What if something’s wrong with it? What if the little brat broke something or breaks something on the way out?

The guy stood up and shrugged. “Ok. Thanks.” He picked up his books. “Hey, are you gonna ask for relief in Bio today?”

Oh God NO! “No. Why?”

He shrugged and glanced at Brian. “I just thought…nothing.” He walked to class with us.

I was thrilled to see that Ms. Wagner had the overhead projector set up. Meaning that Brian and I had to be in our regular seats. “Program people – Relief?” she asked and I shook my head but Brian stopped.

“Can someone volunteer to do someone who ops out of relief?”

Ms. Wagner looked at him blankly. “I beg your pardon?”

“If someone opts out of relief – like if I say no – could another program person say yes and do me?”

“I don’t see how…” She seemed to think about it though.

“I mean, like it wouldn’t be for me, right? They’d be taking their relief by doing someone else?”

“OK. I see where you are. But the point here is to release the physical tension created by long-term arousal. So I don’t see how…”

“But what if, like I‘m not really aroused so I say no. But my partner is dying to do me so that’s the tension. I mean just any relief, isn’t really the same if it’s like that, right?”

She looked at me. “And you think Ms. Brown is suffering from unrequited ‘tensions’?”

“No. No! No, not that, I meant me – I mean, I could – if she – I just think….”

“Let me put it this way Brian. We are not forcing sexual activity on individuals – despite what many people think. And if a Program student opts not to alleviate any perceived sexual frustrations, so long as they do not ignore the rules on Reasonable Requests, then they are in their right to do so. Now, in the classroom, if I had a legitimate reason to use one of you for say a live example of oral technique that would be different. Then it would be for the benefit of the class. But Relief is for your benefit – whomever is the reliever or the relieved. In other words, Mr. Loving, you’re going to have to solve that one on your own.”

Brian looked utterly embarrassed. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Now, would you like relief today?”

“Not after that.” He shuffled over to the seat next to me.

She started class – a film on cell division and reproduction. We covered how two parents each contribute a trait as either dominant or recessive and how all that determines if the baby has brown eyes or blue eye or whatever. Then she split us into pairs – me with Brian, of course – and had us figure out what our traits were (based on our parents and a list in the back of the text book) and, if each pair had, like a dozen babies, what all the kids would look like.

“He’d have your eyes and my hair.” Brian said before we even got started. “And your cheeks!”

“Why you say that?”

“All the guys in my family have the same hair and your eyes are darker than mine.” I rolled my eyes and set up the graph she wanted us to use. “What color will your baby’s eyes be? Brown?”

I shrugged. Terrence had green eyes. If the little brat looked anything like him, it was going to be beautiful.

“What color were the Father’s eyes?”

“Green.” I said without really thinking.

“Ok.” He took my note pad from me. “Mom brown, brown dominant I’d guess and Dad green, green recessive. You’ve got dark brown hair. What was his?”

“None-yone.”

“None-yone?”

“Yeah. None-yone business! You don’t even know him.” I took the pad back and wrote light brown in for the Father. “Ok, what next?” We went down the book’s list of features: skin tone, height, finger length, ear lobes, dimples. Every time Brian kept trying to coax Terrence’s traits and fill them in the chart. I kept scratching them out and putting Brian’s stats in.

Actually, it was sort of fun.

Finally, Ms. Wagner had everyone hand in there class work but brought Brian and I upfront again to work ours on the blackboard. We set up the chart while she played with a computer. When we were finished, she looked it all over.

“Ok. Good, good. So, class, based on this, Brian and Tishshilla’s children will have what color eyes?” We all yelled out brown. “Could any child have any other color? No, correct. Could a grandchild have a different color eyes? Yes! Why? This double-recessive, right. Good. Ok. Let’s see…. What’s all this?” She pointed to our notes and all the stuff scratched out.

“That’s the baby’s father.” Brian offered happily.

“Very good!” Ms. Wagner practically crowed. “We have P3 here.” She began filling in a second chart. “Dark hair, green eyes, dimples, sounds cute. Someone has good taste in men.” She filled out the chart and then turned back to the computer. “Now, let’s see if I did this right.” She muttered to herself as she keyed in information from the board. “Ok, hit the light for me again. If I did this right, and the information we have is accurate, Tishshilla’s child will look something like this.” She clicked a button and a computer-generated image of a child appeared on the screen. It had dark brown hair in loose curls and light brown eyes. It had my nose and Terrance’s skin tone.

My knees gave out and Brian caught me before I actually fell. Around me, I could hear the class ooo’ing and aw’ing and asking to have theirs done next. I was too busy looking at my kid. Really. That thing on the screen really truly looked like a blend of me and Terrance. I hadn’t thought about what it would look like. Just about how much I didn’t want this, how mad I was a Terrance, how angry I was with myself.

The image warped and recast with light brown hair and dark brown eyes. It looked really familiar. Brian’s hand stroked my stomach. “Faiza.” He whispered. Then I realized it; that must be what Brian and my ‘child’ would look like. He held me tightly, which was a good thing because I was really shaking.

“I think Mommy may need to sit down.” Ms. Wagner said. “Why don’t you two head to lunch early. Everyone else, come up front and we’ll plug in as many combinations as we can.” People began flooding forward with requests. Brian made sure I wasn’t about to fall and got our books. We propped me up as we made our way down the empty halls to the cafeteria. He sat me at a table and went away. When he came back, other people were coming in and he had two trays of food; he put one in front of me.

I ate it without even noticing what it was. ‘It’ wasn’t just an it; it was a baby. It would look like something. It would look like me, partly. And partly like Terrance. It would sound like something. It would have that baby smell. It was one thing, when it was in my stomach, making me sick and ruining my clothes and my life. But seeing that face – those tiny fingers….

“What’s wrong with you two?” A voice snapped me out of my fog. I looked up to see the naked juniors sitting down across from us. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost!”

“Kind of.” Brian said in a weak voice. I looked at him and was stunned to see that he looked as shaky as I felt.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked but he just shook his head. I remembered the word he whispered. “Oh yeah. And what does ‘faiza’ mean?”

He looked pained, like I’d jabbed him with the fork instead of asked a question. He muttered something and left the table in a rush – nearly knocking over Brittney in the process.

“Well!” She huffed as she sat. “Finally alienate your hero?” she snipped at me, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

My hair, like many modern Black girls, is wrapped. This month, at least. Last month, it was braided. I’m thinking about twists when I go back next month. My point is, that it’s not long, thin, stringy and blond and I swear some girls do that hair flip to try and show how feminine and pretty they are. Brittney acts like one of them; I really wanted to rip that crap out by the roots.

Especially because she was probably right about Brian.

“Brit, don’t be a bitch!” The junior naked girl said.

“What? I’m not the one growling at people and acting like a rabid dog.”

“You’re also not the one who’s…” my defender paused and looked at me. Then she looked back at her food. “Anyway, all I know is, I would have been mortified if I had to do this on my monthly! I think you’re really brave to do it like this. I mean, if they’d told me that, I’d have just died! I swear!”

I tried to remember her name but I really couldn’t. But at least she seemed to get it. “Believe me, this wasn’t my choice. I wish I did die.”

Brittney gasped. “Oh please! What a drama queen!”

There were three people and the table between me and her which was really good because if I could have reached her, it would have been on. As it was, the guy next to me jumped back and a bunch of people blasted her.

“No, really! She gets all this attention. ‘Poor me! Oh boo hoo, I’m pregnant. Pity me.’ No one gets pregnant in high school any more. Not unless they meant to. You just want to show off. Well, I don’t feel sorry for you. If you didn’t want it, you could have dumped it any time before now. There are a dozen clinics downtown that don’t ask for names just cash payments.” She stood up and grabbed her tray. “Honestly, some people are so selfish!” she marched off.

The table was silent after that.

Brian came back looking confused. “What’d I miss?”

Half the table broke up. “Everything, dude!” I didn’t really want to, but I found myself snickering too. Brittney and I were about a minute from somebody getting their ass kicked and he missed the whole thing. Somebody filled him in and I actually found I had some appetite.

I didn’t expect Brian’s response. “Bitch! Oh my God! What a bitch! Where is she?”

I looked at Brian. He didn’t strike me in any way as a fighter. He wasn’t doughy, but he wasn’t a mass of muscles either. I figured he could hold his own, but that’s about it. “Why?” It was snippy but I couldn’t – ok, didn’t – stop myself. “Like you gonna do something.”

“Bitch! Let’s see how she’d handle it!” he snapped back. “And if I’d been here, I would have said something.” The table went silent again after that.

Just before she got up, the nice girl pat my hand. “I still think you’re handling this way better than I would have! God! Just seeing my sister go through it last year was enough for me. Oh, but the baby’s so cute! You should totally come with me next time I visit her!”

I don’t want to see mine, why in the hell would I want to see some kid I don’t even know? Still, right now, she was the closest thing I had to a girl friend so I smiled. “Yeah. Sounds cool.”

The junior naked boy, a guy that got nicknamed Apeman (presumably for his pretty neanderthal brow ridge) pinched her. “Come on, Bert! We’ve got art and I want to be early. I like posing with you.” He leered at her and she blushed.

“Bert?” I asked. “Your name is Bert?”

“Roberta. But he’s really Ernest so….”

I nodded. “Yeah, I used to know a guy name Renaldo. Everybody called him Ren. So when he got a girlfriend…”

“Oh God! I would kill anybody who called me ‘Stimpy’!”

“She tried to but she ran out of places to hide the bodies.” Bert and Apeman both laughed as they left.

It was getting close to class time and I realized that I’d eaten everything Brian had brought me. I looked at him. He carried my books and brought me my lunch. How Loving. It was really hard to fight it. To fight falling under the spell and believing that he really was this nice. But Terrance had taught me. I don’t care how pretty that face is or how sweet he is, it’s not real. But God! What a face! Terrance was hot but Brian is…wow. This week should be so unbelievable but I can’t even enjoy the view because I know what happens. They take advantage.

“What?” He had very serious expression, making him look both boyish and stunning at the same time. Don’t fall for it, Ty!

I shook my head. “Nothing. I should go.” He reached for my tray but I held it and pulled his. “I’m not helpless. Jeez!” He half smiled as he picked up our books.

I missed most of Spanish class. I spent it convincing myself that I’m not interested in Brian. When it ended, Senor Downey asked how the tutoring was going. “Oh, uh, fine.” I had forgotten all about that. I got out of the class before he could ask what we’d covered and was mid-way to Lit when Mark the Neo-nazi-wanna-be stopped me.

“Hey! Tay! Let me feel up them tits, right?”

“No!” I looked him like he was crazy.

“Aw, come on! That’s reasonable!”

“Not the way you ask.”

“Oh what am I supposed to say, please and thank you?”

“Uh, yeah!”

He blew me off. “You know you want me to do it.”

“I know you put a hand on me, Ima take it off at the shoulder.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Oh no you not tryin’ ta play my sister!”

I almost cried again. Behind Mark, stood Michelle and she was taking off her earrings.

“Yeah, baby! Two at once!” Mark laughed. Then, I guess he realized that neither of us was joking. “Aw, man! Forget you, bitches!” He took two steps and turned back to me. “See what happens.” He spat and stalked off.

I wanted to throw my arms around Michelle and never let go. Instead, I looked at her and she looked at me.

She broke first. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we were tight?”

“I didn’t want to tell myself. I just wanted it to go away.”

“Damn, girl!” her lip trembled a bit. “That was not right. You should have told me.”

“Yeah.” It took a minute but I said it. “I’m sorry.” I waited another minute. “You forgive me?”

“Only if I’m the Godmother.”

That did get a hug and tears and I missed the bell so we were both late for our next classes. Brian was waiting in the hallway.

“I was just about to come find you! What happened? I heard you and Mark got in a fight!”

Tsk! “You people have no idea what a fight is, do you?” I moved past him and took my seat; he followed and sat beside me.

Mr. GloboAmante started with Hester and Pearl again. Is Hester a moral person? Universally, the class said yes – the adultery was nothing in the face of her community service. Was Dimmesdale a moral person? No. He hid the truth.

“But what if he didn’t know?” Brian asked.

“How could he not?” Jorey asked. “How many guys were doing her?” the class laughed.

“But she didn’t come tell him. She didn’t tell anyone. And as far as he knew, her husband could have come back. Or maybe she was loose.” He looked at me. “Or maybe she hid it from him until it was too late for him to do anything about it.”

“He could have come forward at any time.”

“No he couldn’t! They could have left town together before she had the baby. Or they could have declared her husband dead and Dimmesdale could have married her legitimately. But not after she was showing. It was too late then.”

“Well maybe he didn’t want to know.” A girl in the back row offered. “Maybe he was just in denial until he actually saw Pearl.”

They debated it. Brian, I could tell, wasn’t talking about the book. He meant me.

Finally, Mr. GloboAmante got into it again. “Ok, Brian, this is fiction. Let’s not get too into it.”

“I just don’t think it’s fair to judge him if he didn’t know! It’s her fault if she didn’t tell him.”

“Hey! Whoa! Let’s not go blaming the victim!”

“I’m not! I’m just saying, if she never told him it was his child,” Brian was looking straight at me. “Then she can’t blame him for not coming forward and being a father.”

“Ok.” Mr. GloboAmante stood between us and the rest of the class. “Let’s give this a little more perspective. You have a point in the modern era. But this was the 1800s. Unwed pregnancy, adultery, these issues affected the whole community not simply the two or three people involved. Let’s take a different tack, here. What happens if Hester and Dimmesdale leave town before the pregnancy is discovered?” The bell rang. “Ok. That’s part of your homework. Finish the book and think of how the same situation would differ now, and how it would differ then if Dimmesdale knew for a fact the Hester was pregnant with his child.”

Brian wasn’t looking at me anymore. He was making a point of looking away. “Sorry.” He muttered, grabbing our books.

I got stopped for my second Reasonable Request. A boy I didn’t know – like that’s hard! – asked if he could touch my cooch. But he asked nicely not like Mark did so I said yes. Brian hadn’t had any problems with Reasonable Requests so he was occupied as well. Then when he finished, which wasn’t long, a girl asked if she could touch my stomach and she asked a bunch of questions about what did it feel like and stuff about the brat. Once she started, a couple other girls joined in and when the bell rang, Brian and I had to practically run to Drama.

“Are we asking for relief today?” Mr. Jordan asked glancing at Brian.

I followed his eyes as Brian turned red again. Oh God he’s gorgeous! He makes me shiver. “You need to.” I said trying to make light of the fact that I wanted to ‘relieve’ him. Badly. Remember Terrance. Don’t be fooled again.

“Not unless you do.” He responded.

I wasn’t about to do it myself – I feel weird doing that at home by myself! – and it wasn’t like I was going to get any volunteers. I almost laughed. “Oh so you’ve given up on Relief, is that it?”

He smiled slightly, kind of bashfully, “Only if you have.”

“It’s stupid to wait for me.”

He shrugged. “Ok. I’m stupid.”

“O. K.” Mr. Jordan got class started. “Today you are working on your script re-writes and rehearsing your new scenes. How’s the process? Questions, comments? Anyone?” He went around the room working with teams.

“We should practice how you’ll tell him.” It was a flat statement.

I looked at Brian. “Why do you think it is any of your business whether I tell him or not? You keep harping on it! I’m not telling him. Done!”

“Look, maybe you’re right. Maybe he’s a total dick and he won’t care at all that you’re carrying his baby.” Brian put both hand on my stomach and caught me in between them. “But what if it’s the most important thing he ever hears? What if this baby changes his life? I mean, it’s clear it’s not just the baby that’s got you tied to this guy. Maybe the baby could bring you back together.”

“What do you think this is, some fairy tale?” I pushed his hands away. “Do you know what he did the day after he knocked me up? My first time he knocks me up then the next day acts like he doesn’t know my name. He blocked my phone number and told me I’m not girl for him and I should move on. I don’t care what you think, I’m not telling him and so long as I’m black and my asshole points to the ground, he won’t ever touch this baby!” I stormed out of the room and for once, Brian didn’t follow me. I went – where else? – to the girls room and locked myself in one of the stalls.

About ten minutes later, Ms. Scott knocked on the stall door. “TyShala, you’re not supposed to be in here, you know.”

“Go away!” I snapped. I wasn’t crying but I didn’t want to see anyone.

“You can’t hide in here, Honey. Come down to my office. We’ll talk.”

“Go Away!”

“I could give you a Program penalty, you know. I could give you two; enough penalties and you’ll have to do it all again.”

“Can I do it next year?”

“Sorry. You’d have to do it next week.”

“How does that help?”

“I suspect it doesn’t.” She tugged the door. “Come on. Out of there. Let’s talk. I heard things were said in Mr. Jordan’s class?”

“So?”

“So. First, I’m going to write Jordan up for picking that scene after he found out about you. That was just plain wrong.” Glad she agreed about that. “Now I have a suggestion for how to get through it. Jordan said you were writing the scene about how you told the father but you’re having trouble with that. Why don’t you write what you want to say to him. Tell him he’s a jerk.”

“Fat lot of good that would do.”

“It might help just to get it out. Maybe if you say it to Brian, it will help you if you do say it to the baby’s father. And I don’t think Brian will take any of it personally. He could even respond back with what you’d like to hear the father say to you.”

“I died.” I quipped.

“Write it. It’s Drama; make it what you need it to be.” She tugged the door again. “I could crawl under the door you know.”

“Eeew!”

“Very eeew. Please don’t make me do it.”

I didn’t really have much choice. I came out. She walked me back to class and pulled Mr. Jordan aside. All I heard clearly was ‘dick move’ and I decided that I didn’t want to hear the rest of it. Mr. Jordan didn’t look happy when Ms. Scott left and minute later.

Brian was looking at our last copy of the script. Really he had it on the desk in front of him but his eyes were on the floor.

“Sorry.” I doubted it sounded sincere but I actually meant it.

“My bad.” He replied not looking up.

“Ms. Scott said I should tell him he’s a jerk. Instead of announcing I’m knocked up.”

He shrugged. “OK. Whatever. Did he really block your number the next day?” I nodded. I had called him twice; the third time I got a recording that my number would no longer be accepted. “That’s messed up.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

He half smiled. “He’s not just a jerk. He’s an asshole. Why’d you go out with him anyway?”

“He was really nice to me. He said I looked pretty. Stuff like that. I fell for it.”

“Oh.” He looked a little troubled – like maybe he was catching on to why I wasn’t going to fall for his line too. “Ok. He’s a jerk. What else?”

I thought about it for a minute. “Really? That he’s not that cute. That he promised he’d make me feel good and he didn’t.”

“He didn’t even get you off? Wow, what a dick!”

“I mean he’d done it before. I think.”

Brian had been writing but stopped and looked at me. “You think?”

“He was the first guy to, y’know, touch me that way. It felt good but I don’t know if it was all that, how they say.”

“Bogus.”

“I don’t know. I mean, maybe it was alright and I just did something wrong. I mean, it’s not like it was his first time.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet. I’m sorry.”

“Why you sorry?”

“On behalf of all men, everywhere, that he’s one of us.”

“Yeah, well I’m the fool who said yes so it’s not all his fault.”

“I’m not putting that in! This is for you – he’s an asshole and a jerk. You’re right, he doesn’t deserve you and he doesn’t deserve your baby.” He smiled. “I hope it looks just like Ms. Wagner’s picture.”

“Why? ‘Cause it will look like you?” Which slipped out – I really didn’t mean to say that.

“You think so? I thought they both looked like you. They were cute.”

“They were creepy. I don’t want a little me crawling around.”

Mr. Jordan cut in. “Ok, how’s it going over here?”

“Slow.” I said.

“Well, let’s do some improv with the class. You two started all this. We’ll start with you. OK. Stand it up walk around feel free to use the space.” Brian sat on the table with his back to me and his foot on a chair. He tried to look ‘cool’ which got a laugh.

“Bri – Terrance.” He ignored me which almost upset me but then I thought that’s exactly what the real Terrance would do. I walked over to him and stood in front of him. “Terrance!”

“Oh, hi, uh, babe…”

“TyShala?”

“Right, right Ty!” he stood up, took a step back and gestured at my stomach. “You’re looking kind of…”

“…prego…”

“…yeah, prego.”

“That’s cause I’m pregnant.”

“Oh. Hey. Whoa. Uh…”

“…it’s yours.”

Brian grinned then tried to get back into character. “Oh no way. I couldn’t have. I mean we didn’t…You gonna keep it? Cause it’s not my problem if you are.”

I hit him. “You jerk! You stupid selfish asshole! Look at me!” I went off. I told him how hurt I was when I left messages that he never responded to. When it suddenly occurred to me that he didn’t love me even though he said he did. That I was going to be a mother and the father didn’t want anything to do with me. I called him a pig. I called him a pencil dick which got a laugh. But then I told him that I didn’t need him, that I didn’t need anybody. That me and this baby will do just fine without him. “I don’t have a ‘baby daddy’. To me, you are just a sperm donor.” I snapped in his face, turned and walked off.

To cheers and applause from the class. I was crying. I hadn’t realized it. Until Brian hugged me. I pushed him away – nicely – and wiped my eyes.

“Ok, people. Did that work?” Mr. Jordan had the class critique the speech. Then, when they finished. “So, does Terrance have a response or have you two worked that out? This was supposed to be a dialogue.”

Brian nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, he does.” He pulled me back to the table and set me like I had just started to walk away. “Ty…”

“Don’t call me that.” I snapped out of habit.

“TyShala, I know I don’t deserve a second chance…”

“Oh please!” Someone in the audience said for me. “As if!”

“Quiet.” Mr. Jordan hissed.

“I can never apologies enough for leaving you.” Which sounded a bit odd because Terrance hadn’t ‘left’ me. “I mean, with child. I should have been there. And if you had told me – I mean if I had listened – I swear, I would have done anything for you.” He took my hands and then – scary! – got on his knees. “Ty, I didn’t know. Really. I never even suspected and now, I can’t get you back. I know that. I’ve lost you and the baby forever. And I can’t ever tell you how much that hurts. And I know it’s my fault. I am so, so, so sorry, Fa- TyShala. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I know I can’t make it up to you but please, believe me, if I had known that that was what you were trying to tell me- “ He swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.” Then he kissed my stomach softly.

I stood there with my mouth open trying to get my brain to work. On the one side, I didn’t want to forgive Terrance – I wanted him to burn in hell. But Brian really was a nice guy and what girl with any kind of heart wouldn’t forgive after that speech. And he was touching me again which just reminded me that I was naked and he was naked and turned my knees to rubber.

“OK class, what do we think. Does she forgive him?”

“Yes! It’s romantic!”

“So he can probably cheat on her again? I say, throw him to the curb!”

“Oh, but he means it – come on.”

“Trust me, no guy means it! We all say that kind of stuff.”

“Did you mean it, Brian?” One of the girls asked him.

He blushed, pure scarlet. “Oh. Uh, no. No, that was to get her in bed again.” But he didn’t laugh and he couldn’t meet my eyes when he said it.

I couldn’t concentrate in gym – I was still thinking about how it felt to say it all out loud. I know if it had been Terrance that’s not how it could even happen but damn it felt good to say it and to hear everyone on my side – even if it was just for the class. Just an act.

And Brian! He actually looked, I don’t know, proud of me! Like it all meant something to him personally. Like maybe he wasn’t just acting – like maybe he really was a nice guy and liked me and he really was all the things he was pretending to be.

Which is a really scary thought!

And he needed forgiveness. What could he have that much guilt over? He was the nicest guy in the world. Hell, he was the nicest guy in 100 worlds! That wasn’t just for me.

That wasn’t just for me.

What did he do?

Mrs. Tenyari blew the whistle when I wasn’t expecting it and I rushed to the bathroom to relieve myself and shower.

“I’ve got a request.” Someone behind me said when I turned off the water. I turned around to see a couple guys looking at me. They were in my class, but I didn’t know any of their names. “What?”

“I wanna feel your pussy.” He said holding up two fingers. “Inside and out.”

“Outside only.” I hated the idea of his fingers – of almost anything, actually – going in me again.

“Oh what? Are you a virgin?” He scoffed and his friends snickered. “Hold her.” The other two guys grabbed my arms.

Then Mark came around the corner. He looked at me, then at them and laughed evilly. “Fuck me! This is too sweet!”

“Oh you think this is funny?” I guess Ms. Scott’s class wasn’t worth a damn. “This is how you get me back?”

The semi-nazi-looking boy stepped over to me and pushed the first boy out of the way. Mark massaged my tits gently. He rubbed his thumbs lightly over my nipples. It might have felt good if I didn’t hate him.

“Hey Mark! What the fuck?” The first boy was livid. “You can fuck her after I’m done.”

Mark took his hands off me and cracked his knuckles. “Shithead, you can touch her pussy, outside, and if you do more than that I will break your fucking face!”

“Man, fuck you, man!” The boy tried to look tough but the two holding me loosen their grips enough for me to yank free of them.

“Or,” Mark looked past the little gang leader toward the locker room, “I can tell every nigger in the school I saw you fucking around with one of theirs and they can pop a cap in your ass.”

Which had to be a joke. I seriously doubted any brother in the school even knew someone who owned a gun. I did but the oreos around here? Not a chance!

The other boy, apparently, believed it and glanced around. He seemed to weigh his chances against Mark and growled with frustration. He suddenly reached between my legs, played with the hair on my lower lips for like a second and stepped away. “Come on!” He barked at his buddies. ”Brittany’s not a cunt! Let’s go check her out.” They tried to look bad ass as the made the defeated walk back to the locker room.

I considered Mark for a minute because now I really didn’t know what to make of him.

“What?” he smirked.

I shrugged. “Nothing. Thanks, I guess.”

He shrugged. “You said no. ‘Sides, holding you like that was way not cool.”

Although he did get his request in before they let me go. Still, it could have been way worse. “We cool now or did you want something else?”

He grinned. “I got mine. We cool. You coming to the meeting next week?”

I hadn’t really thought about it. “I guess. I don’t know why, though.”

“Yeah. Scott’s alright. I guess.”

“Yeah.”

We stood there awkwardly for a minute. The brat began rolling over and, hesitantly, Mark put his hand on my stomach. “I’m sorry,” He said after feeling it do a few cartwheels, “but that’s wicked cool!”

“It creeps me out.” I confessed.

“It’s your; how can it creep you out?”

“I got it but I don’t want it. It’s creepy.”

He shook his head. “That’s messed up. After you have it are you gonna keep it?”

I shook my head. “There's this couple who can’t have kids. They want it.”

“Well that’s cool. At least you don’t after to worry about that part.”

“Yeah.” I hadn’t thought too much about that part. Unlike most girls my age, I didn’t have to think about what to do with it. Ms. Redmond couldn’t wait for the little brat to get here. “I’ll just be glad when it’s done.”

“I could see that.” He glanced around. “I should get dressed. Paul and his dweebs probably won’t try any thing but watch out for him just in case.”

“He better not be alone if he does.”

“He’s a punk.” Mark frowned as he walked off. “He won’t be.”

There’s a happy thought. I dried off and left the locker room.

Brian was waiting, as usual. Ms. Tenyari was with him.

On complete impulse, I kissed his cheek. I have no idea why – it’s like an alien took control of my body and made me do it. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t have wanted to. It did make us both blush – not that anyone could tell on me. I also noticed, as Brian took my books, that that little kiss woke up Mr. Happy. That made me blush even harder.

“TyShala, you were in there a long time.” Ms. Tenyari seemed a bit worried, no doubt thinking of Monday. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah.” I caught the concerned expression on Brian’s face as well and realized that he’d over react if I told them what really happened. “Mark had a reasonable request.” That was kind of true.

“Mark?” She asked sharply. As if on cue, Mark opened the locker room door and froze when he saw us. Her look darkened. “Mark?”

“Hey Miz. Ten.” He had that ‘don’t-I-sound-casual?’ tone that never fools anyone.

“Problems?” They seemed to have a momentary unspoken conversation with their eyes.

“Nothing I can’t handle.” He replied aloud.

She looked back at me and I shrugged non-committally. “Alright. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” She watched as we headed in separate directions.

“What was all that?” Brian asked.

“Why you asking me?” I differed. Brian turned the wrong way when I headed to the drill field. “Where are you going?”

“Ms. Wagner’s room.” He hit himself in the head. “I forgot to tell you. Ms. Wagner wants to see you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” But he grinned as he said it. “She didn’t tell me.”

“Oooooh you lie!”

“I don’t know!” He tried to hide his grin and failed.

“Yes you do.” We bickered all the way to her classroom. I don’t know why, but the whole way I had to stop myself from holding his hand.

As we got near her door, we could hear raised voices. “There’s more to this than our typical pairing.” Said a voice with Senor Downey’s accent.

“Frank, you are not going to dictate Program administration to me in my own classroom!”

“Of course not, Karen! You know I have every respect for your expertise…”

“…Thank you…”

“…But this case may need more delicate handling. Let’s see how they finish the week. If neither of them improves, then we’ll give them new partners and try your way next week.”

“I think that’s reasonable.” Ms. Scott responded. “They both have extenuating circumstances. I wish I had known she was pregnant and that they were scheduled for the same week; I would have never put them together!”

“Well, they’re together now.” Ms. Wagner sighed deeply. “And neither of them seems to be gaining any body acceptance or any more comfort with their sexuality. Have either of them taken relief yet?”

“Brian has; but boys almost can’t avoid it at least once.” Senor Downey observed. “I did hear that people are finally getting over the shock and asking TyShala for Reasonable Requests and she is allowing them.”

“Well that’s a start.” Ms. Scott perked up.

“Yes, but it’s Wednesday afternoon. The other pairs are actively enjoying themselves. Sylvia is trying to set a record for Relief and she’s done a brilliant job of bringing Reese out of his shell. And everyone else is right on schedule.” Ms. Wagner sounded frustrated. “I don’t understand what’s holding Brian and Tishshilla back.”

“We’ll give them until Saturday before we make a decision about next week.” Ms. Scott said. “If they haven’t worked through their issues by then, then we’ll consider more drastic measures.”

“Agreed.” Senor Downey said. “Ok, I need to fly. I have to get Maria from soccer practice tonight. Sarah’s out of town.”

“And the two of them should be here any minute. Actually, I’m surprised they’re not here already.” There were sounds of the three of them beginning to move and Brian and I realized that we were blatantly eavesdropping.

We looked at each other for a second then I blurted out. “Brian, hurry up or we’ll be late for drill.”

His eyes went wide as three teacher’s heads poked out the door. “Uh, hey, uh….we…I mean, you….uh….”

“Brian, Tishshilla, there you are.” Despite the conversation, Ms. Wagner seemed happy to see us. “I have something for you, Ms. Brown.” She handed me an envelope. Inside was a color print of the baby we designed in class. My knees shook and my throat went dry. Brian’s arm slipped around my waist.

“Wow.” He whispered. “That’s really…wow.”

Yeah. Wow. My baby’s picture, in full color. Terrance’s eyes looking out from just above my cheek bones. The curl of his hair and the curve of my nose.

“Oh my!” Ms. Scott said from behind us. “That really does look like a blend of the two of you.”

“Oh, did I give her P2?” Ms. Wagner started flipping through pages. “I thought I gave her P3. Although they do look alike. Look at the top, who are the parents?”

“It lists Mother as P1 and Father as P3.”

“Then that’s the right one. Yes, here’s P1, P2.” She hand Ms. Scott the second picture, the one with Brian’s information. Next to each other, they could be siblings. Same nose, same cheeks but then, same mother. Only different fathers. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say the data was from the same male in both sets. Of course, what do I know?” I looked at Brian but he didn’t react to the comment. He was too absorbed by the two pictures. Lightly, his hand stroked my stomach and against my will, I was getting used to the touch.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you two. I just wanted to give you that. I thought you might like to share it. With someone...anyone...special.”

Brian seemed to wake up. “Can we keep them both?”

“Of course.”

“Great! Come on, Ty. We’re gonna be late. See you tomorrow, Ms. Wagner, Ms. Scott. Bye.” I let him pull me out of the classroom. He didn’t speak again till we got to the field. “Listen, tonight, we really should hit that Spanish stuff. You could come over to my place this time. My Mom will be home but we can work in my room.” He looked hopeful, earnest. Sweet. Innocent.

“Whatever.” Stupid, stupid, stupid! “OK.” What happened to ‘just say no’, girl?

“OK.” At least he didn’t grin, even if he knew he’d won. He had enough grace to still look a little pensive.

I let the team drill until I realized that there was still a big hole in the routine. We spend some time filling that and re-time the line. As I stepped back to watch us, I could see the JROTC line behind us. The two lines, if we started at the same time, made an interesting contrast. After I watched for a while, Michelle pointed out that I was working on something different.

“Huh?”

“That’s not one of our lines you’re doing.” I wasn’t even aware that I was moving really. “Is that something new?”

“Yeah.” I made a snap decision. “Look I know we have this thing on Saturday but would you guys mind if I tried something new today?”

“Hell, I wouldn’t mind if we tried something new on Saturday.” Mermaid chuckled. “Let’s do this.”

I showed them what I was thinking, generally but didn’t tell them that I was fitting our routine to the other one. Afterward, I asked what they thought.

“A lot of add pauses, like we’re waiting for something. Is there another part to this?”

“Yeah, but I can’t do it yet.”

“It feels good but, yeah, the pauses are kinda awakward.”

“I know, but…” I remembered something. “Michelle, doesn’t your phone record video?” It did and she let me use it. Except that by the time I was ready to start again, the JROTC line was taking a break. I ran over to Coach Watson and asked him to run them again.

“Something wrong?” He asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be working on Saturday.”

“Yeah, but we got that. We wanted to try something different.”

He shrugged, got them into position and went back with me. I got my team ready, and when we started the two lines, they worked in pretty good sync – especially considering that it was basically the first time they’d tried it. There were spots when my team went down while the flags went over their heads and times when the Drill guys seemed to dance with the Step guys. It was very cool.

When it finished – it was only about five minutes long, Coach Watson waved the Drill team over and I showed the video to the step team. Then the Drill Team watched it. Then Coach Watson watched it again. “What do we think?” He asked. People liked it; they either hadn’t thought of blending the two teams or they didn’t think they could be blended.

Brian didn’t say anything. Brian just grinned at me. Finally, I pulled him aside. “Don’t be grinning like I’m your girl friend or something.”

“I’m not. It’s just cool, that’s all.” He blushed and his you-know-what tapped my leg. “Sorry.”

“TyShala!” Coach Watson called me before I could respond and before my blush got deep enough that anyone could see it. “Send that video around. I want everybody to study it. We’ve got less than three days to tighten that up.”

I looked around. “It’s Michelle’s phone. Three days?”

“You think you can have it ready by Saturday?” He asked. I looked at my team. They were considering it, but mostly, they were nodding. The Drill team didn’t even have to change anything really. Coach Watson didn’t actually let me answer him. “Ok! Listen up! Get Michelle your e-mail and study that video. We’ve got practice on Friday and then again Saturday morning before the Festival. That’s not a lot of time. You’ve got about another 20 minutes today. Use ‘em!” He blew the whistle and smiled at me. “Good job, Shay-Shay. I told you we needed you.”

I thought I was going to burst. Just burst. On the one hand, it was scary but mostly it just felt…weird. The Coach liked it. And he wanted me to do it. And he trusted me enough to do it in public this weekend. It made me feel…I don’t know. Special. Someone called my name and I realized that I’d better get back at it. I looked up to see Brian smiling at me as he headed off with his line. It made me shiver. Especially in my cooch. Now I felt weird and special and hot all at once.

“Girl you got it bad!” Michelle teased.

“Got what?” I have nothing for Brian. No thing at all.

“Aw, come on!” JC laughed. “You are so hot for him!”

“Yeah, Shay-Shay.” Mermaid joined in. “You two all up in it.”

“Shut up!” Denial is such a wide river. “We are not! Ya’ll need to get to it. Look, look – this is not right. You need to step-step-step-fall back….” I switched into the routine before I passed out from embarrassment.

Eventually, the whistle blew and Brian and I headed out. And I headed to the parking lot. At first. I realized my mistake and remembered that I needed to get my clothes before Brian noticed, I think. But I had actually forgotten that I was naked. I guess I was getting used to it.

When I opened my locker, Brian stopped me. “Hey. Look, some of the teachers are still around.”

“So?’

“So, how about I dress you, you dress me.”

“Why?”

“So they can tell Ms. Wagner that we are participating in the Program. Or do you want to do this again next week?”

Tsk! “Get real! She’s not gonna make us do it again!”

“Last year, she made an entire week do it again. They had staged some protest about having to do some event naked and she made all 25 kids involved go naked for an extra week! It didn’t even count as Program credit!”

“No she didn’t!”

“Yeah, she did!” The look on his face caught me.

“You were one of them!” I couldn’t help laughing. “Fer real?”

He blushed – and they call me ‘colored’! – and rolled his eyes. “Ari was in the protest and I had a group project with him and I just stopped to ask if he had the homework and she busted everybody there! I had to do a whole week naked and still had to do the actual Program this week. Plus, I’d already done it in Spain two years ago but it didn’t count.”

“So this is actually your third week? That so bites.”

He shrugged. “I’m getting kind of used to it. At least my partners have been cute.” He glanced around again. “Seriously. Look – there’s Ms. Barsoom. Give me your underwear.”

He reached past me and grabbed my panties, then proceeded to awkwardly try and pull them up me. Dressing seemed harder than undressing but we did manage to gather a crowd doing it. It was also unexpectedly intimate, letting him do thing I usually do for myself and doing them for him. When we finished, his pants were tented and I was very glad you can’t tell if a girl is wet or not. I wasn’t. I just had to run to the bathroom; discharge is normal for pregnant girls. So is sensitivity in those places.

We didn’t talk in the car. I stared out the window and tried to think of something other than him in the seat beside me. I nearly panicked when we drove past the Redmond’s house until I remembered that I’d stupidly agreed to study at his place tonight. It wasn’t far; a couple blocks around the corner. I followed him into the house.

At the door, he yelled out something in Spanish which started with “Mom” and ended with “Ok?” Distantly, a woman yelled back but Brian was already leading me upstairs.

We sat on a couch in the den and looked at my vocabulary list. The little brat picked up my evident agitation and began flipping which made me nauseous. Brian rubbed my stomach and made me use each word in a sentence. Neither action relaxed me. Then he noticed my feet were swelling. He took off my shoes and rubbed my feet instead.

How loving.

Can I cry now?

“Why are you doing that?” I asked him finally. I wasn’t just shaking, I was trembling and he had to be able to feel me.

“Does it feel good?”

Say no. Say no. Say no. Say no. “Yeah.” DAMN! “I guess.” He didn’t stop just asked for the next sentence.

We were going through the list a second time when I noticed that his hand was caressing my stomach. When had it moved up my leg, I had no idea. When he moved to sitting so close to me that I could smell his cologne mixed with sweat, I don’t know. Why it felt so good, so right to sit so close to him, I couldn’t guess. But we were only sitting and it was a good position to study in. Spanish seemed to be making sense. And anyway, he couldn’t try to kiss me like that. He was going to be in trouble if he tried to kiss me.

If he leaned forward just as I looked back. And then, tried to put his fingers in my hair. He’s not going to get me with that, I vowed. Those soft full lips that talk too sweetly and look so soft…and full…and sweet. Even his tongue was sweet.

I wanted to cry again. I was falling for it again. Some White boy was kissing me and I was feeling like he was the greatest thing since God. Next he’ll want to get into my skirt. And I’ll let him because I’m just that stupid. And then he’ll forget my name because there’s no reason to remember it.

“TyShala.” He sighed.

“Don’t…” I whispered back only I didn’t actually know what should follow it. I didn’t want him to kiss me but – and I hated myself for it – but I didn’t want him to stop.

“Brian!”

The voice made us both jump and as big as I am, promptly caused us to roll onto the floor. Brian halfway panicked helping me up and actually snapped at his Mother for startling us. Most of the conversation was in Spanish but her tone didn’t need any translation. They stepped out in the hallway and I packed my book bag. The idea of being there with him any longer scared my knees to jelly.

I heard someone go down the staircase and a moment later Brian’s Mother stepped into the den. “Good evening.” I said. She didn’t look happy.

“Good evening, TyShala, is it? Brian told me about you.” Her English was perfect with practically no accent. Her eyes cast down over my stomach. “Mostly.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I kept my mouth shut. “Did you need to leave so soon?”

I had a feeling the answer was yes no matter what. “Uh, yeah. I got chores.”

“Of course. I’d be happy to give you a ride.”

Oh HELL no! “No, it’s cool. It’s just a couple blocks. I can walk.”

“Nonsense! A woman in you condition shouldn’t walk more than necessary. I’ll just get my keys and meet you by the front door. Downstairs.”

No one had ever thrown me out so politely before.

Brian met me at the base of the stairs, brushing flour off his hand. “TyShala, I’m sorry! God! She’s such a bitch!”

“It’s cool.” I said, knowing I wasn’t anything like as calm as I was trying to be. “You got your jungle fever kiss; that’s all you get.”

“Ty…” He actually looked away and swore under his breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”

His Mother made her way down the steps and I played like leaving with her didn’t bother me at all. “Whatever.” I went out the door first and then went to the car she indicated.

It wasn’t even worth the drive. She pulled up to my door before I could get the seat belt around the brat. Then she turned off the engine. “TyShala. I’d like a word with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” She hesitated a moment and then looked straight at me. “Please understand that I mean no disrespect to you or your family. I’m sure that you are a wonderful person. There are, however, things about my son of which you are not aware. Therefore I must ask that you refrain from seeing him again.”

“What?”

“I realize that you are partners for the rest of this week and that, undoubtedly, you will have some classes or other activities in which you will not have the choice of associating with each other. But Brian is somewhat…delicate in nature, for a boy, and he tends to form inappropriate emotional bonds. I’m sure that you can understand why I must protect him. Even when he is displeased with such protections.”

“Uh,” what was I supposed to say to that? “Yeah.”

“Do we understand one another?”

”Uh, yeah.” You’re a psycho-bitch. I got out of the car before she could say anything else to freak me out.

Ms. Redmond took care of that. “There you are! I was beginning to worry! Now, look, I don’t mind you going out with your friends after school but we got you a cell phone so that you could stay in touch not to leave it turned off in the bottom of your bag.” I rolled my eyes which was probably what she was expecting because she kept going. “So, how’s our little one today? And your day? At that cute little Brian – I’ll bet that’s worth seeing naked!”

“Ms. Redmond! God!”

“What? He’s cute!” She laughed lightly. “Oh stop, I can look still. I’m not dead. Besides, I have my own cute boy! Speaking of whom – Phillip’s in Tyson’s until after 6 at least. What’s say you and I go to Georgetown and have a girl’s night out? We can have dinner at Nathan’s, do a little shopping – there’s a Baby Gap.” Like I want to shop there! Her expression fell a little. “Or we could stay home and order in. Either way is fine with me.”

“I’m kind of tired.” Which was at least partly true.

“Ok. Well. Ok. Why don’t you go on up and relax and I’ll be up in a minute with the menus?”

Like always when Mr. Redmond’s out.

I got to my room and sat on the bed. I had plenty of homework. I didn’t want to do any of it. I wanted to call Brian and ask him what the hell did his mother mean by “delicate nature.” Or ask him if Ms. Wagner would really make us go through the Program again. Or ask him if he really liked what I choreographed for the Drill Team. Or pretty much just call Brian. Just like with Terrance – at first, I’d call him and we talk for a couple hours. Suddenly, I didn’t want to be near a phone.

I caught Ms. Redmond as she was on her way up the staircase. “Can we go out after all?”

Her eyes actually lit up. I’m not sure I’d ever seen that before. “Really? We don’t have to if you want to stay home. I understand.” I shrugged and she squealed. “We are going to have so much fun! Did you want to change clothes? Oh don’t worry – let’s just buy you something new while we’re out!”

She took my hand and led me back downstairs. It was another half hour before she was ready to walk out the door giving me plenty of time to change my mind back and forth. But she was so excited. It occurred to me that she made the ‘let’s go shopping’ offer all the time but I never said yes. First of all, I’m not her kid. I mean, how much money, really, is she going to spend on charity before she wants something in return? Something other than the brat, I mean. I knew she wanted that. But she was one of those Cali-surfer-shopaholic girls. That was clear. She once told the Mr. that she spent his money to prove she loved him. I totally missed the joke but he laughed. Maybe this was her way of bonding or something. You don’t bond with foster-mothers; you won’t be with them that long. I learned that with Marie. I bonded with her and they took me away. I’ve only got two more years anyway, then they put me out. There’s no point in bonding with Mrs. Redmond.

Still she was kid in a candy store happy as we went to the car. We parked at Georgetown Park and walked around the mall before going to dinner. Pea in a Pod was having a sale; she pulled me in there and we found three summer sundresses.

“You can put a tee-shirt or sweater on under these and they’ll be so cute for the rest of the season!” She made me try them on and got the sales girl to coo over me too. As she was ringing up the dresses, the sweaters and two pairs of stretchy pants, the sales clerk asked if ‘her daughter’ was on the store’s mailing list. “Oh she’s…” Mrs. Redmond stopped and looked at me. “No. My daughter’s not. Daughter of mine, you should sign up.” I rolled my eyes but I knew she’d just fill it out wrong if I didn’t do it myself. Then she had the clerk cut the tags off the “one with those sweet purple flowers” and sent me into the dressing room to wear it out of the store.

It was a really cute dress. I even looked pretty cute in it. “Thanks.” It was really hard not to say ‘Thanks Mom’ but trust me, the day you start thinking a foster home is permanent is the day DC starts the paperwork to move you.

Still, Mrs. Redmond was cool about it. We had dinner at her favorite restaurant on the corner of M Street and stopped in almost every store on Wisconsin Avenue. We talked mostly about clothes but a little about school. Nothing about the brat and nothing about Brian. Finally, when the store we were in started flashing their lights for closing time, she yawned. “I think we’ve probably spent enough today. Ice cream or just go home?”

Fat as I am? “Home.” Besides we had a ton of bags and it was already a long walk back to the car.

Once we were settled in and on the way home, she plugged her phone in saying she wanted to check her messages. There were some things from a couple of her charity groups and one from Mr. Redmond wondering why we weren’t home. In between there was one from Ms. Scott.

“Mrs. Redmond? This is Monny Scott at the school. This isn’t urgent but I just wanted to give you a heads up. TyShala had a very interesting class project in Biology today and I happen to know that she has a photo of it. I think you’ll be very pleased with it so make sure she shares it with you. Overall, TyShala’s teachers are pleased with her progress and, well I know this week is a little stressful for her, but I’m confident that once she gets more comfortable with the situation, she’ll do just fine. Let me know if there’s any thing I can help with.”

She grinned at me. “What sort of pictures were you taking in Biology today?” she managed to make it sound filthy.

“Eeewww! Not of me! The thing – the – the baby. Ms. Wagner has this computer software. It’s dumb.” But I can still see the picture clearly in my mind’s eye. I can’t shake the feeling that that’s what the brat will look like exactly.

“Oh! Yay! Where are they?”

“I don’t know. Brian has them.”

“Oh. Oh, well. It wasn’t that big a deal, I guess.” But her tone said it was a huge deal.

“I guess I could ask him to bring them tomorrow.” I offered.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m sure I’ll see them sometime. Besides, your appointment’s tomorrow morning so you won’t see him then anyway.”

I had forgotten about my monthly appointment. When I got home. I also discovered that I’d never gotten Brian’s phone number either. I went downstairs to see if Mr. Redmond had it but I stopped at the living room door.

They were curled together on the living room couch, with their backs to me. He kissed her temple softly. “Are you sure? This is your show, Val. I don’t care either way.”

“You don’t care or you don’t have a preference?”

“I don’t have a preference. But I know how important this is for you. If you don’t want to adopt the baby, it’s ok with me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…”

He laughed softly. “I’m teasing! You’re too old to have an infant anyway. Ow. Stop that.” He kissed her again. “I’ll call Social Services in the morning see what we need to do. Actually, I still want to go to Greece this summer so that might make the trip a lot easier.”

I went back upstairs at that point. That’s what you get for eavesdropping. I couldn’t even cry this time, just lay awake and wondered if they’d let me stay until I delivered.

I woke feeling like I didn’t sleep at all. The brat must have felt as rotten as I did because I spent the first few minutes in the bathroom dry heaving. Eventually, I was able to brush my teeth and get dressed – one of the new dresses – and go down for breakfast.

“There’s my little sweetheart!” Mrs. Redmond all but threw her arms around me. “You poor thing! I heard you up there; how are you feeling, any better?”

“You definitely did not sound good.” Brian remarked. I hadn’t seen him; hiding at the kitchen counter like that.

Which explained the lovey-dovey act this morning. She didn’t want it known that she was putting me out. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

“No rush! Remember? Today’s your sonogram. And this dear sweet boy has volunteered to drive us.” Ms. Redmond hated driving and avoided it when she could. “Tish, I swear, if you don’t claim him, I’m going to scoop him right up!”

“Do I get a vote in that?” Mr. Redmond came in and they went through the morning coffee ritual. He paused next to Brian on his way out the door. “You can pick one, the other one’s mine.”

Brian laughed. “Yes sir.”

“Shay-Shay, I need to worry yet?”

“You not gonna ever have to worry.” I answered.

He nodded. “I could live with that.” He shook his head as he left. “I don’t believe it but I could live with it.”

“Phil?” Mrs. Redmond shouted after him. “What time tonight?”

“No idea.” He yelled back.

“We have the ASIPA fundraiser tonight.”

“I’ll try.”

“I need you there, Sweetheart.”

“I said I’ll try!”

She frowned and hurried out to the front hall. Brian rubbed his ears. “Wow. Good lungs.”

“Yeah. You don’t have to go to this thing today.” I pointed out.

“I want to.”

Mrs. Redmond came back still frowning before I could convince Brian to go to school. “Actually, I could use a few more warm bodies to greet people and start conversations tonight. Would you two to like to attend? You’ll need to dress up for it. Oh! I wish I’d thought of that yesterday while we were out. We could have picked up something then. Brian, do you have a suit?”

“Yeah. But if it’s tonight, I’ve got JROTC so I’ll already be in uniform. I mean, if I can go. My Mom…” he glanced at me. “I’ll call my Dad.”

“A man in uniform.” Mrs. Redmond sighed. “And me too old and already married.” To which, of course, Brian blushed. She looked at her watch. “We should get moving. I have no idea where this place is but they have something called a 4D image. It’s like baby pictures before the baby.” She kept it up as she gathered her purse and her keys and whatnot.

We piled into Brian’s car and I sat in the back and let the two of them talk to whole way. They made a good show of it. She pretended to care about me and he pretended to care about me. I sat in the back and tried not to look sick. This was worse; I could see not wanting me but why change up about the baby? I thought that was her whole thing in the first place?

It was about an hour because traffic sucked but we finally pulled up to a suburban office park. The maternity clinic was easy to spot even from the parking lot. It had pictures of happy babies in every window.

As I got out of the car, Mrs. Redmond put her arm around my shoulder. “You seem a little subdued today. Are you ok? Is your tummy still upset?”

“Yeah.” I agreed bitterly. “My tummy’s upset.”

They both helped me into the clinic. I would have pushed them away but really didn’t make any difference. I might as well play along. We sat in the lobby and did paperwork for what felt like forever. Finally, they called my name. They made Mrs. Redmond and Brian wait in the lobby. They took me in the back, made me strip and put on one of those stupid paper robes. Then a doctor came in and gave me an exam. He asked questions like how much weight had I gained and was I having any pain. He did all the stuff my regular doctor did and more. Finally, he asked, “You don’t seem excited about this, TyShala. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m having a bad day.” There was no point in discussing it.

“We can talk about that if you’d like.”

Why does everyone have to be up in my personal business! “My stomach’s upset, that’s all. I haven’t eaten yet.”

“Well, I want you to eat. I’d like you to gain another 5 to 10 pounds; you’re a little underweight right now.”

“Underweight?” Quack!

“Just a bit.” There was a knock on the door and a nurse told us that the room was ready. “Ah. Good. Ready to see your baby?”

“Yeah. Whatever.” I got up and wrapped the robe as tightly as I could. Ms. Wagner’s pictures freaked me out enough. I didn’t want to see this for real. We passed the door to the lobby and I paused for just a second. Only a second but the doctor caught it.

“Did you want your mother to come in with you?”

“She’s not my mother.” I said, mostly out of habit.

“That’s ok. She can come in.” He opened the door. “Mrs. Brown?”

“Redmond.” I corrected him.

“Sorry, Ms. Redmond? Come on back. Him too, that fine. The whole family.” Family. Yeah. Right.

Still, when Mrs. Redmond put her arm around my shoulder and Brian gave me that damn smile of his, I felt better. Well, better about the sonogram. Worse about the family part.

We went in the room and I lay on the table. The technician started hooking up stuff and smearing my stomach with stuff and explaining what all she was doing.

And then there was this sound. It was like drumming underwater.

“What’s that?” Brian asked.

“That is the baby’s heartbeat.” She moved the tool she was holding to my chest and the sound became deeper, stronger and faster. “Mommy.” She moved the tool back to my stomach. “Baby.”

“Cool.” He breathed. “Can we see it yet? Can you tell what it is?”

“Does mommy want to know what it is?” The tech asked.

“Well I do,” Mrs. Redmond laughed. “Oh Tish, I’m so excited! OHHHH! Look! What’s that? Is that a foot?”

The woman laughed. “Yes, that the baby’s foot and here’s the other one and the little butt.” Suddenly, the baby rolled over and there on the screen, in amber and black, was my baby.

My baby girl.

She did have my cheeks. Even now, you could see those giant squirrel-with-a-mouth-full-of nuts cheeks of mine already clearly formed. I missed most of what was said after that.

There was a whole person inside me.

That thought haunted the rest of my morning. I got dressed and we went to breakfast. They showed me the sonogram pictures, a mini photo album. Mrs. Redmond even went to the photo store next door and had them rush three copies – one for me, one for Mr. Redmond. And one for Brian.

“I really like your Mom.” He said when she went back to pick the pictures up.

“She’s not my mom.” I tried to eat something but it was all just too much. “She doesn’t even want to be.”

“What does that mean?” I shook my head and he stopped trying to get me to tell him when she returned. She gave him a set of the pictures. “Thanks. I’ll put this with Ms. Wagner’s.”

“Oh! Is that the one from your class yesterday? Do you have them?”

“Yeah! They’re in my car.”

She pretended to get very excited. We left – we needed to head to school anyway – and she sat in the front seat cooing over the computer pictures Ms. Wagner created.

“I can’t believe how much these look like the two of you! Software is amazing.”

“Well, only one of them’s me.” Brian pointed out for the second time.

“Really? So who’s the other one? They look practically alike to me.”

“The one with the brown eyes is me. The other one’s the real baby. I mean, as close as we could guess.”

“So…this…” She got suddenly quiet. “Oh my.”

“Mrs. Redmond?” I heard the note of concern in Brian’s voice and looked up. She was wiping her cheek.

“Green eyes.” She said. “It’s an old joke between me and Mr. Redmond. It’s nothing. Why did you decide on green eyes?”

“Didn’t her boyfriend…I mean, Ty said… the father…”

“They never met him.” I said to save him the stress. “It happened in April; I didn’t come here until July. He had green eyes and dark brown hair.”

Mrs. Redmond had the real sonogram picture next to the fake one. “Look at that. She really could look like that. Oh, Tish, she’s going to be beautiful. Just like you.” She paused. “Tish, sweetheart, you don’t look well. Do you want to go home?”

“No.”

It was a long ride back to her house. Brian dropped her off and then we went to school. When we parked, he turned to me. “Are you sure? You really don’t look right.”

“I don’t want to go back there.”

“Why? What happened.”

“Nothing.” He reached back and wiped my cheek. “They don’t want the baby anymore.” I confessed.

“WHAT?”

“That was the deal. The Redmonds. They’re only fostering me because they wanted to adopt the baby. But they don’t want it anymore.”

“No. Way.”

“She said she’s too old for a baby.”

“I can’t…no way, no. Did you see her? She flipped out over those pictures. I don’t know what she said but she wants that baby.”

“She wants a baby. Maybe there’s another one they can get sooner. Social Services didn’t want them to have mine in the first place.”

“Why not?”

I showed him the back of my hand. He didn’t get it. “Black baby, Black parents.”

“Oh, come on…”

“Whatever!”

“Ty, no one is that closed minded anymore.”

“Oh, you think?”

“Almost no one. Not the Redmonds at least.”

I got out of the car, shaking my head. Time to strip again. At least there was no one in front of the lockers at that time of day. Not that it mattered anymore; after it – she, whatever – was born, I was going to have to drop out. I was going to have to worry about what to do with it. Her. Tyra, like the model with dark hair and pretty eyes. Or maybe Vanessa. I hadn’t had to think about names; that was Mrs. Redmond’s problem. Now it was mine again.

“Ty!” Brian gave me a shake and I realized that I was standing in front of my locker not moving. “We’ll ask them tonight. I’m sure you just heard it wrong.” He undressed me.

I’m sure I had classes but I have no idea what happened in any of them. SS had already told me that I can’t go back with my real mother, even if she ever stays out of jail long enough to contact me. I doubt they’d let me go back to Marie’s. There was a group house in deep southeast that wasn’t too bad. But it was pretty far off the bus line. That would be hard with the kid. Three months. Even if they let me stay, I had to figure out something in three months.

“TyShala?” Brian was shaking me again. He was so damn sweet! Too good to be true. But it would be so easy to believe that he was everything he pretended to be. Especially since his Mother banned me from seeing him ever. “Come on. I’m taking you home.”

First, we went to the Gym where the JROTC kids met. I sat on the bleachers while he talked to a guy who looked the drill sergeant in every military movie ever made. He came back over to me muttering something under his breath.

“Lt. Lipton says I gotta do inspection before I leave. He said the Program has a 10-minute allowance so that I can do inspection and if I leave before I do it, he’ll give me ten demerits for the day. Can you wait? Ten minutes. I promise.” I shrugged and he took that as a yes.

Fifteen minutes later, I didn’t recognize him practically. The uniform was navy blue with a lot of pins and strips on his chest. He paused to ask if I was ok before sprinting into line when he was called. I had to admit, he made that uniform look good. He was big enough, broad enough to fit it nicely but not so muscle bound that he looked like Popeye. The inspection really didn’t take long and at the end, the Officer started barking out drill orders. They marched in formation for a little while before the officer call a halt and called Brian front. I couldn’t muster a laugh, but it was pretty comical watching Brian sprint when the man finally dismissed him.

He took me back to the Redmonds house. Not home. I can’t call it that any more. He helped me upstairs to my – no – to the room I was using.

“I can’t believe they back out like that.” He burst finally.

“People do. I’ve been in eight foster homes.”

“Eight?”

“People don’t like me.” I shrugged. “Why should they? Why do you?”

“I just do, Ok? And as much grief as he gives me, Mr. Redmond must definitely like you.”

My reply to that was cut off by Mrs. Raymond yelling. “Tish? Brian? Are you here?” She tapped on my door before opening it. “I thought I recognized your car. Keep that bedroom door open, young lady.” She didn’t even take a breath. “Now look, tell me if you hate it and I’ll take it back but I thought you really should have something nice to wear tonight especially if your date’s going to be in uniform – and oh my goodness, you do look nice, Brian – but I had to go over to Pentagon City anyway so I just stopped in at L&T just to see.” She hung and opened an expensive looking dress bag as she spoke. Inside, among several garments, was a dark blue dress, the kind that drape down to the floor with yards and yards of material that does absolutely nothing but look pretty. “You hate it. I can see it in your eyes. You hate it.”

Why would you spend more money on me if you’re just going to put me out in a couple months? Then it hit me: charity function. She wants everyone to think she’s so helpful to the needy. Dress me up, show me off, show how generous she is. I got up and took a look at the dress. “It’s nice.” It was stunning. It was probably the most expensive thing I’d ever touched.

“Really?” She perked up. “Try it on. Just to see. If you don’t like it, I’ll take it back, it’s not a problem.”

I started to undresss and heard both of them gasp. I didn’t stop. Who cared who saw me naked anymore? There. The Program did work – now I have no shame. My hand shook as I pulled the dress off the hanger and Mrs. Redmond helped me get it on. It was gorgeous. I didn’t even look prego in it. Well, not if I pulled the drape the right way.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d prefer this one or the pink.” She opened a second dress bag and pulled out a pink dress with sequins. “But I thought, the navy would go well with you skin tone and I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about an empire waist.”

“If I get a vote,” Brian offered. “I like this one. You look…awesome, Ty.”

I looked at myself in the mirror. I did look good. I’d probably never get a chance to wear something like this ever again. And it’s her money. If she wants to waste it, let her. “It’s cool.”

“Do you really like it, Tish?”

“Yeah.” It was hard, but I managed to say it. “Thanks.”

“Val?” Mr. Redmond’s voice rang out. “What time is this thing tonight?”

“Phillip, we’re up here,” She shouted back. “Come up.” She sighed. “I don’t know why he always has to shout.”

Mr. Redmond came in, looked me, nodded, then saw Brian and frowned. “What goes on here?”

“They’re coming with us, Sweetie. What should I wear. The green or the purple?” She fished through the bags to find to more dresses.

“Why don’t you take all that back tomorrow and wear that blue dress you’re always complaining that you never get a chance to wear?”

“What blue dress?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m changing my suit. I’ll be waiting in the library when you’re ready.” He paused at the door. “Brian, I think the girls might need some privacy.”

Brian turned pink. “Oh, uh, yes sir. I’ll go – go wait in the living room. I guess. I’ll call my Dad. Uh. Bye.”

As soon as they left, Mrs. Redmond gathered the bags and led me to her room – which was huge! I hadn’t realized just how big it was.

She dug through her closet and found a formal navy blue dress. After searching for shoes and jewelry, she declared it perfect and began changing clothes. Through out it all, she kept up a litany of pointless chatter that completely eliminated the need for me to say anything, which was good. Because I didn’t know what to say. It took her an hour to change clothes but she did look pretty good when she finished.

The ‘boys’ were both in the library when we finally got downstairs. They stopped talking when we came in. “About time, Valerie! This is your show, after all.”

“Well I had to look right. Well?” She turned around and waited for Mr. Redmond to comment.

He kissed her cheek. “You look lovely. Can we go now?”

“You never give me an honest opinion.” She groused as we left.

“No sane man has ever given a woman an honest opinion.”

They fused in that married way all the way to the hotel. Mrs. Redmond introduced me and Brian to some of the people she worked with and told us to hang out by the main door and talk to any body who stood by themselves for too long. She gave us a couple bits of advice and then dragged Mr. Redmond to another part of the hall. For the next hour or so, Brian and I were mostly meeting people we’d never meet again and pointing out the bathrooms. Then Mrs. Redmond found us and made us get a table and some food.

Then the speeches started. Mr. Redmond made his way to our table and tapped me on the shoulder. “You want to hear this?” he whispered.

“Not really.”

“Come on. They’ve got a bar upstairs. I’ll buy you a soda.” He gave Brian firm shoulder squeeze. “Man the fort son.”

We went up to the lobby and found a quiet spot to sit. We just looked at each other for a few minutes.

After a while, he looked away. “I had a talk with Brian earlier. He seemed to think you weren’t happy with us.”

Blabbermouth. “It’s all good.”

“I, uh, I gather you overheard Val and I last night.” I shrugged and he nodded. “But I don’t think you got the whole story.”

“Hey, it’s cool. You don’t want the baby. Whatever. I’ll leave whenever you want me to.”

“Shay-Shay, I don’t want you to leave.” He hesitated. “Look, I’ll be honest with you. I never wanted kids. Valerie can’t have them and it’s always been a big deal for her and I understand that but It’s never been an issue for me. She heard about your case and she really wanted to help you and when they told us that you were going to put the baby up for adoption, she jumped at the chance. But, frankly, the whole idea of diapers and 3am feedings puts me off. But that’s not why we’re changing the adoption – not canceling it. Not unless you want us to. We don’t want to adopt the baby Shay; we want to adopt you.”

“Me?” That didn’t even make sense. “I’m grown. You can’t adopt me.”

He half smiled. “You may act grown but according to the District, you’re still adoptable until you hit 21. Now I realize we haven’t discussed this with you. I wanted to make sure we could before I asked you how you felt about it.”

“What about the baby?” I asked still trying to wrap my head around it.

“You’d be our daughter, she’d be our granddaughter. And Val still can’t wait to pamper the little thing. But she wants you in our lives too.”

“What do you want?”

He shrugged. “I’m still not sure about kids.” He smiled fully this time. “But I kind of like having someone to share the library with. And, we’re planning a trip to Greece this summer. I was hoping you and me could hit all the historic sites. Val wants to shop.”

“Duh!” He nodded. “So you want to do all this stuff for me? Why?”

“I’m a rich white guy with more money than sense? No? Ok. Truth. I like you. I mean, you need to learn to handle stress better and learn a little more trust, maybe. But when you’ve been able to relax, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re just what I’d want in a daughter – in a protégée, really. I think you really have great potential and I want to see you get a chance to live up to it.”

“Why me?”

“Why not you?”

There were so many answers to that I couldn’t begin. I shook my head. “It’s not like they gonna let you anyway.”

He nodded. “True. DC’s being a little resistant. They are making us wait until next June to do the paperwork. I think they think if they push us back long enough that we’ll just adopt the baby and let it drop. But we’re pretty set on this. The baby may be cute but I’d rather keep the daughter I already have then figure out whether I like the new one.”

“So in June, I’ll have to go.”

“No, in June we finalize the paperwork. I started the preliminary things today. I was really hoping to have this wrapped up in a week or so but…oh well. I should have known better; I grew up here too.”

“Really?” I didn’t know he was a native of the City; there aren’t a lot of us. “Where?”

“Just off of Alabama Ave, Southeast. Behind Fort Dupont Park.” In one of the Blackest neighborhoods in the city.

Tsk. “Don’t lie!”

“Seriously! Third generation too. My mother was born at Southeast General before they tore it down.”

“Where you go to school at?”

“I was supposed to go to Beers at Alabama and Suitland Rd. But I wound up being bused to Potomac School in McLean. Which is where I plan to send this one when she’s old enough. I would have sent you there but…”

“…DC child, DC school.”

“And never mind if the foster parent is willing to do more, right. So. What do you think? Do you…are you happy with us”

At what point can you believe? How do you know it’s not a dream or a fairy tale or yet another lie? No one has wanted me, not my whole life, why would these people? Why them, why now, why me?

“I know this is big but think about it, ok? You don’t need to make any decisions tonight, but I wanted to make sure that you knew that we weren’t trying to get rid of you. I hadn’t planned to do it here but honestly, I couldn’t sit through a dozen speeches tonight. I feel bad enough making Brian do it.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s a good kid.”

I could feel my cheeks burn at just the mention of his name. “Yeah.”

“You might want to give him a chance.” I shrugged. “You’ve got to trust someone eventually.”

“I trust you.” It sort of slipped out; I hadn’t really meant to say it even if it was sort of true.

“Good. Then trust me on this; he’s ok.”

“Yeah? I’ve thought that before.”

“And it didn’t work out too well. Yeah, I can understand why you’re reluctant.” He sat back and thought for a couple minutes. “My mother – you’ll have to meet her soon, I think – my mother is fond of saying ‘all things to the greater good’. She’s one of those who believe that no matter how bad something is, it’s happening for a reason. I think…I think maybe we were meant to find you. Sixteen years ago, Val and I couldn’t have raised a child – we weren’t even together then and my ex and I definitely weren’t good parent material. Now, just when we’re ready, here you come. I’m not saying it will be easy. I just – I just want you to know that sometimes it’s ok to trust. I know you’ve been burned before but that’s not going to happen this time.”

And I believed him. I mean, I believed he meant it. I just didn’t think any of it would happen that way. A family and a boyfriend and none of them want something? That only happens on TV. Not in my world. But it would be so nice to have a Dad. A real Dad – one that looks out for you and protects you. I sniffed – I really didn’t want to cry but I had a feeling I was going to anyway. “I wish I’d known you before I met Terrance and this.” I waved at my stomach.

He nodded. “Me too. I wish someone had been looking out for you. But, Shay,” he moved next to me, “I’m looking out for you now.” He brushed my hair gently and I couldn’t help putting my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around my shoulder and we sat that way for a while. “Now, it’s not going to be all fun, you know. I expect you to finish school. And you’re going to college, we’re not debating that. And,” he pulled away a bit so he could look me in the eye, “You’re going on the Shot. No more ‘accidents’. I like this Brian but I’m not ready for two grandkids just yet.”

“I don’t like him like that.” But I couldn’t look him in the eye when I said it.

“Shay, you’re lying.” He put my head back on his shoulder. “But I understand. It’s hard. It was hard to trust Valerie and I just had a bad divorce. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you.” He kissed my forehead. “But you’re going to have to. Eventually. If you never really trust someone, you’re never really going to be happy. It’ll be hard but it’ll be worth it. You’ll see.”

I sat there, with Mr. Redmond’s arm around me and my head on his shoulder. It couldn’t be true. I really really really really wanted this to be real but it couldn’t be. He’d actually be kind of cool as a Dad. I think. It would be nice to call someone ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. The baby would have that much at least.

“There you two are!” Mrs. Redmond’s voice made us both jump even though – for once – it was very soft. “And me without a camera.”

“Are they done with the speeches yet?” Mr. Redmond asked.

“Edward’s making the final plea for donations now. Another ten minutes or so.”

“Good. It’s got to be past my bedtime by now.” He quipped. “Hey, Shay-Shay, why don’t you go find poor Brian before he dies of boredom in there. I want to talk to Val a second.”

I nodded and got up. He wiped my eyes with his thumbs and smiled at me. I started to walk away but stopped. “So what should I call you now?”

He smiled widely. “Would it matter? I’ve been telling you to call me ‘Phil’ for four-months. Call me whatever you want. Just call me.”

“Ok.” I’d have to think about it; Phil didn’t sound right but I wasn’t ready for Dad just yet. “Later.”

I found Brian by the buffet table. Some guy was talking about how our contributions can make a difference and Brian was finishing the last of the meatballs.

“Hey.” He stopped eating and searched for a napkin. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah. It’s all good. They changed their minds about adopting the baby ‘cause they think they want to adopt me.” I figured he deserved the whole thing.

“No way!” He practically shouted then remembered where we were. “Sorry! Really? That’s awesome! That’s…” He suddenly kissed me – no warning, just wham! Those lips pressed against mine, his arms around me and my whole body melting just like wax. He must have had a lot of those meatballs because I could taste the sauce on his lips, tongue, teeth, everywhere. I was having a little trouble breathing too until I shifted slightly and our noses were no longer crushed together. I was a little dizzy when he pulled back from me slowly. “Ok, I really didn’t mean to do that.” He whispered.

“I didn’t mean to let you.” I whispered back. My heart was racing and there was no denying it – I was wet. I wanted him so bad I couldn’t think. Terrance had seduced me into feeling like this. Brian kissed me twice and now I’d do anything he asked.

“Ty…” His hands slid down my back and rested on my hips. “I really…I think…uh….”

“Eh-hem!”

We both looked up to see Mrs. Redmond grinning at Mr. Redmond and the hotel staff with a plate of desserts waiting for us to move. Brian turned deep red and I probably matched him. We moved out of the way of the banquet staff and I tried to ignore the snickering of just about everyone. Mrs. Redmond had to prod us to get us to even look at the cookies, cakes and other pastries they’d brought out.

“There’ll be another hour of this – a little more wine, a few sweet things and the last few digs to get these people to give a little. Honestly, everyone here could give another thousand and not notice! And you two! My little stars! I’ll have to bring you every time I do this!” She kissed both of our cheeks. “Another hour. Then home to bed. You need your rest. Did you get enough to eat?”

“Yeah.” I sighed deeply. “Actually, what I am is tired.” And seriously excited, but I didn’t mention that.

“Oh, you poor thing. Here wait a minute. Sara?” She when off into the crowd and came back a few minutes later with a room key. “The hotel gave the organizers a room for the night. You two go relax and we’ll come get you when it’s all over.”

“Hey! Can I go relax?” Mr. Redmond didn’t smile but Mrs. laughed anyway.

“Don’t be silly! Honestly! Go on, you two. And no mischief!”

Mr. Redmond looked at Brian, then at me. “Shay-Shay, what I said earlier? I lied. I don’t trust him at all.” Brian blushed and Mrs. Redmond laughed even harder as she pulled Mr. away.

“I…uh… wasn’t going to…do…y’know…anything.”

I rolled my eyes and found the elevator. When it closed behind us, my nerves shot into hyper drive. We were alone and he was so cute! He was making a lot of effort not to look at me but every time he did, even in reflection, he grinned and blushed.

“You’re not getting lucky.” I snapped finally as the doors opened.

I meant it. Absolutely. No question. We were not going into a hotel room alone to do anything. I was going to take off my shoes and lie down because at some point, She had decided that my back was more fun than my bladder.

The room was beautiful. It overlooked the harbor and the lights in Arlington. There was a king-sized bed with a soft down comforter. I sat on the edge of the bed and tried to take off my shoes but I couldn’t reach that far.

Brian knelt beside me and took them off for me. He rubbed them gently and I couldn’t help a small moan. “We should practice your Spanish.” He said softly.

“Uh, yeah.” I wasn’t going to be able to practice my breathing with him touching me.

“Ok.” He kissed the bottom of my foot and I shook. “Pie.”

“uh…oh. Foot.”

“Muy beuno. Beso.” He kissed my foot again.

“Uh…I don’t…I don’t know.”

“Me estoy besando el pie.”

I am besando your foot. Oh. “Kiss?”

“Muy beuno.” He did it again. If he kept it up, I was going to simply melt through the bed. “Labios.”

“Labios?” I didn’t dare say what I thought that was. “Uh…I don’t…”

“Usted se besa con sus labios.”

I tried to translate in my head but my brain just wasn’t working. He smiled then puckered his lips. “Oh. Lips?”

“Si. ¿Puedo besarme los labios?”

Kiss. Lips. “Si.” Did I say that?

I must have because he kissed me again, hands on my stomach, lips parting mine, tongue tasting mine. I put my hands on his shoulders to push him away but found them holding him instead. It just felt so good. Better than kissing anyone else – way better than kissing Terrance. Terrance claimed he loved me….

I pushed Brian away with a gasp. “Do you love me?”

“What?” He looked as goofy as I felt.

“Do you love me?”

He swallowed hard. “Ty, I really really like you. I mean…I could…I…I….”

I kissed him. He didn’t say it. He didn’t lie to me and say it. Maybe I could trust him. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to do way more than trust him. I found myself leaning back and pulling him down with me. He rolled me sideways.

“Ty? Remember I said I didn’t want a girlfriend?” He gasped between kisses.

“Yeah?”

“I lied. I really want a girlfriend. I really really want a specific girl friend.”

“But I’m…you know.”

“I don’t care.” He started kissing my neck and shoulders, trying to push the dress aside to reach more skin. “I think you are so hot.”

“That’s so sick.” That’s so wonderful!

“Do you want me to stop?” He panted.

“No.” I was shaking again. He wanted me. Really wanted me. And I really wanted him. “Promise me something first.”

“Anything.”

“You’ll call me tomorrow.”

He smiled. “I’ll stay the night. I’m not going to forget your name TyShala.” I couldn’t help tearing up and he wiped them first with his fingers and then with his kisses. It was odd because it was hard to reach each other past Her but he was trying. Everything was fine – everything was super crazy fine! – until his jacket pins snagged on my dress. We giggled as we tried to unhook them.

“Um,” I bit my lip. “Do you want to take this off?”

“Uh, yeah. OK.” He took off the jacket and tie and then lay beside me again. “I…uh…we shouldn’t…I mean, your folks…” The glanced toward the door.

I got his meaning. “Yeah. Don’t want to give them any reason to change their minds.”

“Ty! Their not going to change their minds. If they do, you can come live with me!”

“With you?” I had to laugh. “Your Mom hates me.”

He sat up. “My Mom doesn’t hate you. She’s just…overprotective.”

“Yeah and she doesn’t want you seeing someone ‘in my condition’.” He started to say something but I cut him off. “Well, who would?”

“It’s more than that. It’s….” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll talk to her. She’ll see.” He came around to the other side of the bed and lay me on my side gently. Then he lay down behind me and put his arm around my waist. “You remember when Ms. Wagner had us do this in class?”

“Yeah?” How could I forget!

“I didn’t want to get up.” He kissed that back of my neck like he did that day. “I think about holding you like this a lot.” I could feel him getting hard even through his pants and my dress. “I’m really glad I’m in the Program with you. Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Well, it would be better if you took Relief. I feel bad doing it without you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m not worried; I – I don’t know. I’d just rather do it with you. I want to see what you look like when you, you know, go off.” Thinking of it that way, I was glad he’d skipped relief too. Watching him everyday would have been unbearable. “We should both do it tomorrow. You should let me do you tomorrow.”

“Nobody wants to watch me.”

“Half the guys in school want to watch you!”

“The sick half.” I shrugged – well, half-shrugged since I was lying on one shoulder. “I don’t even know how to – you know – do it.”

“You’re kidding!”

“I don’t like it. I mean, it feels ok but it’s creepy.”

“I’ll bet it’s not creepy. I’ll bet it’s warm and hot and oh God.” He rubbed himself against my butt. Inside my bra, my nipples were aching to be touched. And his rubbing made me start to wonder if maybe we could just do it before the Redmond’s found us. He moved his hand up to my tits. It was actually more frustrating because I could feel him not holding me directly. “Oh God, Ty, I really want to do it with you. But I know, I know you’re not ready for that. Are you?” He sounded a bit hopeful.

“Brian…”

Which is when someone knocked on the door.

“Fuck.” Brian groaned into the back of my neck.

I couldn’t help giggling. “Not now.” He caught the giggles too and got up to answer the door. The room’s actual occupant telling us that the Redmonds were ready. Brian helped me put my shoes back on, got his jacket, tie and hat and we went back down stairs. He put on the jacket in the elevator and I helped him with his tie. He stole a quick kiss just before the doors opened.

Mr. Redmond looked at us suspiciously as we got closer and while we waited for the valet to get the car. “Why don’t you navigate, Brian.” He said when the car finally got there. It was a quiet ride home. Me and Mrs. Redmond both fell asleep in the back seat.

By the time I woke up, it was already happening.

We were in front of the house, and Mr. and Mrs. Redmond were arguing with Mr. and Mrs. Loving with Brian in the middle. I listened from the car. Brian hadn’t told them he was going out with me. Mrs. Redmond was outraged that Brian was ‘forbidden’ to see me. I knew it was all too good to last.

I got out of the car. “It’s all right! I didn’t want to see you anyway!” I hurried to the house – which, of course, meant that Brian almost had to jog to catch me.

“TY! Don’t! I told you, I’ll talk to them. Look, everything’s going to be fine. I’ll talk this out with them and call you tonight.”

Tsk! “Whatever.”

“Tonight. I promise. Even if it’s 2am. I will call you tonight. Ok?”

“Whatever. It’s all good.”

“Tonight.” He kissed my forehead which felt so much like he meant what he said that I knew he couldn’t possibly mean it. His face took on an expression much darker than I’d seen from him and he marched back over, past his parents, said good night to the Redmonds and headed home. His parents were much less cordial.

“The nerve of her!” Mrs. Redmond said yet again as we entered the house. “’I forbid him to see her’! Who forbids teens these days? I mean, my God, they’ve been naked together for a week; it’s too late to forbid anything now!”

“I’ll talk to Ralph tomorrow. I’m sure she’s just…” Mr. Redmond took a deep breath. “I don’t know. You ok, Shay-shay?”

“Yeah. I’m cool.” Actually, I was shaking again. “I’m going to go shower.”

“Yeah. Good idea. It’s late and you have school in the morning.”

“Yeah.” School. Oh. What. Joy.

I went up to my room – I guess I can call it that now – and almost cried when I saw Brian’s book bag sitting on my dresser. It took a little doing but I was able to get the dress and the shoes off by myself. In the shower, I realized just how wet I was; washing gave me a jolt! I didn’t really mean to but I found myself thinking about Brian and playing with my little button. I was nearly there when Mrs. Redmond told me I had a visitor.

At almost midnight? Brian? He came back for his books, no doubt.

He hadn’t. When I came down, still wet, in my bathrobe, he was standing in the living room, still in uniform. He had a backpack with him.

“I, uh,” He blushed deeply. “I, um, told them to fuck off.”

“You said what?” Mr. Redmond sounded amused.

“I, uh, kinda told them they can’t pick my friends and to fuck off. Dad said he wouldn’t tolerate that kind of language in the house so I grabbed a couple things and left.”

“You ran away from home.” Mr. Redmond sounded even more amused.

“Well, no, not really. I mean, I…well, ok. I guess…kinda.” If he could have looked any more miserable, I don’t know how but Mr. Redmond actually laughed.

“I was ten years old when I ran away. I think I got as far as the corner.”

“This isn’t some kid thing, sir.”

“It’s always some kid thing, son. But, a night apart might do you both some good. Shay-shay, Why don’t you show him where the guest room is.”

“Or,” Mrs. Redmond was behind us, “he could just stay with you.”

“Val…”

“Oh, Philip, what? They might sleep together? He might get her pregnant – heaven forbid!”

“Val…”

“You’re being as archaic as that woman! This whole Program is about responsible sexual freedom. They’re young, they’re falling in love! Let them enjoy a little carefree passion!”

Mr. Redmond looked at me then and Mrs. then shook his head. “Sleep where you want but I don’t want to see anything and I don’t want to hear anything. I’m not quite that progressive.” He turned toward the library.

“I’m sorry your mother is being so horrible about this, Brian.” Mrs. Redmond went on. “And as far as I’m concerned, as long as she’s being unreasonable, you can stay here as long as you need to.”

“Mom’s not being unreasonable.” Brian hesitated and Mr. Redmond stopped.

“Something you haven’t told us, son?”

“It’s not…I mean, I don’t…Mom’s just being overprotective. It isn’t that big a deal now.”

“Now?”

Brian sighed heavily. “It’s past history. I – see, I went out with this girl and it ended badly and Mom’s just worried that I’ll…I don’t know, that I’ll – “ He gasped. “I don’t know what.” He looked away from everyone. “I lived in Spain with my Grandmother for two years. I came home for the summers and went to school there.” He paused but no one said anything. “There was this girl there. Faiza. Yes, she was Black but she was nothing like you, Ty.” He cracked a smile. “For one thing, she didn’t have a mean bone in her body. Anyway. She and I, you know, we went out. I mean, her family was Muslim – we totally weren’t supposed to even talk. But they weren’t that strict really, I mean she didn’t even wear a head scarf unless it was a holy day. And the school had The Program and we were in it together. And we fooled around some. A lot.”

“And by ‘fooled around’,” Mr. Redmond did not look happy. In fact, he looked decidedly pissed off. “I presume you don’t mean whiled away the hours fishing pleasantly.”

Brian looked at his shoes. “No sir. We had sex, sir. A lot. And then I came home for the summer and about midway through my folks decided that it would be better if I stayed home for good.”

“And you didn’t get to say goodbye to your girlfriend?” Mrs. Redmond put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

“We were e-mailing almost daily. As soon as I knew, she knew. And then, her e-mails just stopped. Her address was disconnected; I called and the phone was not longer in service. My Grandmother didn’t know what happened – well, she did but I didn’t know that yet. It took me like a couple weeks to find an old e-mail that had one of her friend’s e-mails on it. And then I had to wait for her to write me back.” Brian started pacing. “I really didn’t know. I was like 14 at the time; it didn’t occur to me that anything could happen, you know?”

“What happened?” Mr. Redmond asked.

“After I left, they found out she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” I nearly shouted. “You all up about my baby’s daddy, you got a baby’s momma in Spain?”

“I didn’t know!” he stepped over to me. “I went through every e-mail, every voice mail message. She never said a word about it. And by the time I did know, she was gone! That’s why you have to tell the father – because she didn’t tell me and there was nothing I could do.” He turned away again. “I don’t even know if I am a father – I can’t find her and nobody I can find will tell me if she had the baby or not.”

“Where you able to find out anything?”

“The whole family left Ceuta. Tallie thinks they arranged a marriage for her but she says she hasn’t heard from her either.”

“Oh Brian!” I thought Mrs. Redmond was close to tears. “That’s awful!”

“Is that why your parents kept you here?” Mr. Redmond wanted to know.

“I don’t know. They won’t even discuss it. It falls under ‘my best interest’. And Mom thinks every time I look at a girl with a tan, I’m trying to re-live things with Faiza. I’m not. I can’t help it if I’m attracted to dark skin!” He sighed. “I don’t know; maybe I can.”

“So you find yourself with a dark-skinned pregnant girl.” Mr. Redmond’s eyes were narrowed. “Don’t you think you’re projecting this Faiza on to TyShala just a bit?”

“I was into Ty way before I knew about the baby.”

“But that didn’t hurt things, did it?”

“No sir.”

It’s not me he wants. It was never me. It’s this Faiza. He couldn’t have her so he chased after me. I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew he couldn’t be that Loving. Not to me. It’s never me. I was half way up the staircase before I realized that I was even moving. I slammed my door good and hard too. I was crying too hard to hear Mrs. Redmond when she came in and too miserable to do anything except cry on her shoulder when she put her arms around me.

Not Me! Nobody wants me! What’s wrong with me?

“I want you, baby.” Mrs. Redmond whispered into my hair, kissing it softly. “I want you so much. I promise I won’t go away or replace you or ever, ever, ever forget you.” She sniffed and I realized that she was crying too.

“I don’t want to go away after the baby.” I said – which was stupid.

“I don’t want you to ever go away. I want you to stay and be my little girl forever.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

I really needed to hear that just then. We both cried for a little while longer. Then we both sat there and sniffed until she laughed a little and went to the bathroom for the box of tissues. “Tish.” She wiped a lingering tear. “Phil and I have been talking. How would you feel if we adopted you instead of the baby?”

“You don’t have to. I’ll be ok.” But even I didn’t believe I meant that.

“I know you will sweetheart.” She hugged me tightly. “But I want to.”

We sat together, like that for a little while. Mother and daughter like. “Ok.” I said finally.

She pulled back. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’s cool.”

“You promise? No changing your mind?”

“I won’t if you won’t.”

She hugged me again. “I won’t, I won’t!” She sniffed again. “Oh. My. I forgot the other reason I came in here. He wants to see you.”

No need to specify which ‘he’. “He wants to see ‘her’, not me. I knew he was too nice!”

“He’s been downstairs this whole time letting Phil yell at him. I don’t know if I’d do that for you. I’m not sure but…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “…I think he likes you.” I looked at her and rolled my eyes as she grinned. “You you not this other girl. Don’t give me that look! You should at least give him a fair chance. Now that you know about this other girl, you can judge whether he’s interested in you or his memory of her.”

“Her!”

“Or you! Talk to him! See what he says.”

“Boys lie.”

“Yes, they do. But sometimes even their lies tell you something useful. If I told you all the lies Phillip told me before I got through to him!”

“Like what?”

“Well for a start, he told me he was still married when he’d been divorced for a year and a half! The first six-months we dated, I thought I was the ‘other woman’. I had to get the truth from his mother!”

“Really? So why’d you stay with him?” And why were you dating a man you thought was married?

“Because I realized that he told me that because he was afraid I’d demand more of his time than he was willing to share. I never told him I knew the truth. He went through this elaborate imaginary divorce after we’d been together about two years. I just played along. It was actually sort of fun. Remember I told you once you know what they want, you can get what you want? Well I knew the day I meet him that I wanted Phillip. And it took me a while but I figured out what he wanted.”

“What was that?”

“A wife who wouldn’t question everything he did. And a few other things. Once he realized that I could let him live his own life without me being in every part of it, he came to me. I didn’t have to chase him. Find out what Brian really wants and, if you have that, that’s all you need.

“And if I don’t?”

“Then be free to enjoy the view while it lasts.” She laughed. “At least then you’ll know from the start that he’s not the man for you!” She hugged me again. “I’m going to go see if he’s still waiting. Phil was pretty hard on him. He’s kind of fond of you, you know.”

“Which he?”

“Both of them, I think.” She grinned. “Coming with me?”

I hesitated still. “What if he doesn’t have what I want?”

She looked thoughtful. “Well, it’s usually easier to be the one doing the dumping. But if you’re going to break his heart, do it gently. Come on. Don’t you at least want to hear what he has to say?”

I sort of did and I sort of didn’t. I didn’t want to be fooled again. But part of me just wanted to hear him say all those lies: I love you Ty, I want to be with you forever. I wasn’t sure which the stronger part was but I went down stairs with Mrs. Redmond.

Mr. Redmond and Brian were in the living room, Mr. Redmond leaning on the mantle still looking pretty mad and Brian on the sofa still looking pretty miserable. He nearly jumped to his feet when Mrs. and I came in. He started to say something then looked at Mr. Redmond and sat down again.

“I’m going to go make some coffee – I think we could all do with a cup. Phil, would you like to help me?” Mr. shook his head. “Phillip! I really need your help in the kitchen.” He glared at her but got the hint. They both left. I looked at Brian. He looked at the floor.

I wanted to ask ‘why you play me you jerk!’ but he looked so pitiful that I couldn’t yell at him. I really wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him until kissed me back. The thought made me pull my robe around me tighter. Finally I just said the obvious. “So that’s why you want me to tell Terrance?” He nodded, still not looking at me. “And you never thought she might get pregnant? What, she tell you she was on something?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Lost in translation somewhere. We were kids; I wasn’t thinking.”

“And you have no idea where she is?”

“If I knew, I’d be there right now.” He stood up quickly. “Not for her, not anymore. But if I have a kid, I should be there.”

“And you don’t think about her at all.”

He shrugged. “I mean, I miss her and I worry sometimes – I mean, I don’t know. They still stone women to death for stuff like that. I just really want to know if she’s ok. But not, like, to get back with her. I would – if she’s not married and she did have my kid, I’d totally marry her or whatever. But I kinda got over her?” He blushed slightly. “I was seeing someone else about a month after I got back.”

Mr. Loving was cheating? “I thought you were all nice and all!”

He chuckled. “I never said I was a nice guy. I don’t even know why everybody thinks that. I mean, come on, I was, y’know, doing her in the first place. And she wasn’t my first.”

“Oh so that’s it! You all nice until you get her in bed.”

“No! I mean…ok, yeah, I like…it’s not…” he paused and looked at me. “You love watching me burn, don’t you?”

What? “Who me?”

“Yeah. I get so tongue tied around you and you get this little smile like you like watching me make a complete fool of myself!”

“Just another part of your nice act.”

“Act? What act? I’ve just been trying to get on your good side.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Yeah, I’m beginning to believe that.” But he grinned when he said it and I had to either look away or grin back.

He was getting to me again. “So were you going to tell me about this girl or what?”

“Not really. I mean, maybe later. If we got, you know, serious. But I don’t even know if you like me yet. I wasn’t going to tell you about her and have you never talk to me again!” He paused again then looked away. “Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Like me?”

I must have blushed down to my toenails. I moved over to the window where it was cooler. “You alright.”

Damn him if he didn’t step up behind me. “Just alright?”

“What, you think you better than that?” He was standing to close and it made me shiver. Don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t….

He put his hands on my shoulders and rubbed my arms slowly. “I didn’t tell you about her because I was afraid you’d think I was thinking about her not you. And I am definitely thinking about you. I mean. Faiza was nice while that lasted but you’re…” he paused and kissed my neck. My whole body shivered.

“Here.” I inserted for him, trying to be cool. Trying not to cave in and wind up under him. “I’m just here.”

“You’re so mean sometimes.” He whispered. “Maybe I am just a glutton for punishment.”

“I’m not mean. You’re too nice.” I took a deep breath. “So. What did she look like?”

“Who?”

“This girl! Who! This Faiza or whatever.”

“Oh. Her. She was pretty. Skinny. Long hair. It was always in the way. I like your hair. Short.” He kissed the back of my neck and I made a mental note to get extensions the next time I got my hair done. “Ty –“ he stopped and turned me around to face him. “TyShala.”

My eyes were closed when his lips touched mine. I tried to tell myself not to fall for it. I tried to tell myself that it was just a game and as soon as he stopped, I was going to make him leave. I’ll bet Mr. Redmond would even help me march his – unexpectedly firm butt…I have no idea how my hands got on his butt but my stomach was being squeezed uncomfortably between us and for a few minutes, I didn’t care.

Finally we both pulled away panting. “I’ve got a reasonable request.” He gasped. I sincerely doubted any request he had at the moment would qualify as reasonable. “Let me hold you tonight.”

“Ok.” Someone else said it. Not me. I would never have said ok to that.

“It’s late.” He whispered. “You should get some sleep.”

“Uh-huh” was all I could get out.

I don’t remember getting to my room. Just watching him undress for me. And it was for me. He watched me with a slight grin as raptly as I watched him. Mr. Happy was at full attention the whole time. He was so sexy! He was tone but just tone. Not too muscle-bound, not flabby. He made me think of all the things I didn’t do with Terrance and made me want to do them. It took a while for him to strip because he was careful to hang his uniform as he went. I know I’d been seeing him naked all week but this was unnerving – this was just for me.

When he reached to untie my robe, I became suddenly very aware of how un-tone, very flabby I was, even considering the baby. “I’m not –“ I stopped and he smiled gently.

He opened my robe slowly. “I think you are incredibly hot.” He stopped when he realized I was shivering. “Are you cold?”

I couldn’t even think of something smart-assed to say. “No.”

He swallowed hard and took the robe all the way off me. He looked at my stomach again, and caressed it gently. Then he leaned in and kissed me again. I could think if he’d stop doing that! We were sitting on my bed suddenly. Kissing, my hands on his chest, his on my arms. He tilted me back, on my side and then lay down behind me again.

And then seconds later – it seemed like seconds – he was asleep. I could feel him pressed against my butt like before. I lay there wondering. Did he not want me any more? Was this some sex thing I didn’t know about? Was he actually snoring? Should I….

Go to Chapter: Mon Tues Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun

I woke up slowly to the feeling of soft kisses across my shoulders and a soft hand rubbing my stomach. Mr. Happy was snug against the crack of my butt - and the small of my back! - and the warmth of Brian's body against mine made the whole world seem perfect. Except for my bursting bladder, at least. I didn't want to move but I also didn't want to have an accident.

I got up without saying anything and he let me go. When I came back, he smiled sheepishly and went in as well. There was something voyeuristic and intimate about listening to him in the bathroom. I climbed back into bed and pulled the sheet over me. I had another two hours before I had to even think about getting up and I had no idea how I wanted to spend the time.

Brian opened the bathroom door, saw me with the sheet up and blushed. God! He is so damn cute! He found his underwear from the day before and pulled them on. Spiderman boxers. He wears Spiderman boxers. I had to bit my lips to keep from giggling.

"What?" He said sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. "I like Spidy! Besides, my mom bought them." A giggle slipped out. "They were on sale."

He grinned at me. I bit my lip harder and tried not to grin back. I felt incredibly stupid which didn't stop me from grinning. We just sat there for a while until an idea began to nag at me. "So why didn't you try anything last night?"

"Uh, I was going to." He blushed. "I guess I was more tired than I thought." He hesitated. "Do you want to…y'know…something?"

Oh My God Yes! But I didn't know where to start. Terrance had been a whirlwind. We didn't even kiss much. On our first date, he felt me up a lot and the next time we went out, he promised that he would do something that felt a lot better and I was naive enough to believe him. He felt me up enough to make sure I was at least wet then just stuck it in me. He said it always hurts the first time; he just didn't mention that he wouldn't give it a second try.

Brian looked confused and worried. "I know you said you didn't cum, but he didn't actually hurt you, did he?" My expression must have told him most of the story. "Did you tell someone?"

Tsk! "Tell them what? I said yes. It's not rape if you say yes. I'm just not good at it, I guess. Besides, everyone says it hurts the first time."

"I guess." He conceded but he looked at me oddly.

"What?" He shook his head but I pressed. "What?"

"I'd kind of gotten used to you being all mean. It's weird seeing you, I don't know, timid."

"I'm not mean!" I snapped. "And I am not timid!" And I'm not going to be taken advantage of again!

"Ty! It's Ok. I mean, I kind of like it, actually."

"Well, don't get used to it."

He smiled. "I won't." He turned serious. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"We weren't going to anyway! I don't know what you were thinking." One of these days, my brain, my body and my mouth are all going to confer before one of them reacts!

He seemed to sink back. "Nothing."

I rolled away from him and pulled the sheet over my head. My life was a train wreck. It was like the nicer he tried to be the more it unnerved me and the harder I pushed him away. I was terrified of would happen if he really touched me and just as scared that he never would.

"Yeah." He said softly, bitterly, and got up. A couple minutes later, I heard the shower running.

What is with me? Why can't I just be nice to him? I mean, even I have to admit that I like him; why can't I tell him that? I should tell him that at least. When he gets out of the shower, I'll tell him.

No. Now. I sat up and reached for my robe. Then stopped. The only place he hadn't seen me naked was the shower, might as well complete the set.

He had his back to me and I could see clearly through the glass doors. He looked like a swimsuit model. Without the suit, of course. Water coursed down his back, which was more muscular than I had thought; I watched them move as he washed his hair. The water poured smoothly over those tight buns and down some thick, strong legs. My breath caught in my throat looking at him. Yum!

Slowly he turned toward me; he had his eyes tightly shut and soapy water was running over his face. Then, unexpectedly his wiped his face, opened his eyes and jumped to see me standing there, watching him. I couldn't help noticing that Mr. Happy jumped too. Brian smiled slowly and opened the door. He reached out a hand to me.

Even I'm not that thick-headed.

OK, I did back out for a second - to get my shower cap. I don't care how cute he is, I am not getting my hair wet!

The shower was huge giving us plenty of space. We didn't talk. He washed me first, going slowly over my shoulders and arms and chest without a wash puff, just his soapy hands, caressing me. When he moved down to my breasts, my eyes closed and I felt myself sway. Terrance never made me feel like that! Even under the hot water, I was shivering; my nerves were all tingling from the touch of his hands. He didn't play much with my nipples - which was good because they were way too sensitive these days - but when he did touch them, I couldn't help whimpering softly. He moved down, doing all the not fun parts like my arm pits and under my tits as sweetly as he did the 'good' stuff.

He got on his knees to do my legs, which was weird. Looking down at him looking up at me, neither of us smiling but feeling really truly overjoyed at the same time. He saved my cooch for last. It was a little awkward until we both remembered that that was what the bench in my shower was for. I sat down and spread my legs as wide as I could. He seemed to understand how scary that was for me because before he started washing me, he kissed my mouth softly. Then he got the hair down there all covered in a good soapy lather.

I held my breath as he opened my lower lips. What if it was fat and ugly down there? What does a pretty cooch look like anyway? I saw one close up once - one of the program participants in my last school volunteered to let our class study her anatomy. So I know where everything's supposed to be and how it all works but, in truth, I've never seen mine - a bit tricky to get a close look at even without the baby! - so I was nervous about what he'd find down there. It could be all nasty and smell bad. Would he still like me if it smelled bad? I honest to God thought I was going to faint when his soapy fingers slipped up and down like that! I almost slammed my knees shut when he touched my little button! Terrance never did that! I totally would have remembered if Terrance had done that! Brian touched it again and I gasped. He kept rubbing it and I kept gasping. It was amazing! It was beyond pleasure like it was too much for me to think about something that felt that good. Like it felt so good I couldn't even feel it anymore. The tingling was all over my body and yet somehow absolutely focused on where his fingertip was at the same time. It so intense I felt like I was going to burst any second.

And then, I did!

My heart practically stopped and I couldn't breath - I couldn't even make a sound! - and every single fiber of me exploded at once. My whole body felt good - even the baby felt whole and right and part of me! Then, I started feeling the real world: I was twitching oddly and since I wasn't under the water anymore, it was cold. I wanted to complain about it but I still was having trouble with basic motor skills. I finally got my eyes opened and saw Brian smiling at me. I couldn't help smiling back. He kissed me again.

"Was that good?" He asked me.

Was it good? Do stars shine and moons beam and heavens exist? "Yeah." I managed to breath.

"Good." He blushed again and smiled even more broadly. If this was part of his grand scheme to get me, he's won flat out. "We should probably get out now." He stood up and turned off the water. That put a very, very happy Mr. Happy practically in my face and suddenly I found the strength to move. With one hand, I grabbed the soap and with the other, I grabbed him. "Oh jeez!" he moaned.

"I haven't washed you." I said, waiting for his real reaction.

"I, uh, just - just showered." He stammered. "You don't - if you want -" he closed his eyes as I poured some of the liquid soap on his shaft and began slowly spreading it up and down him. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jeeeezzzzzz!"

Terrance put his hand on mine and pushed it down his pants the one time we did this. He helped me rub and squeeze his tool until it went off. The night he did me, he was already 'ready' when we started. So this was a first, to see a guy's thing close up in my hand, being excited by my touch.

"Oh yeah." Brian sighed as his hips began moving in rhythm with my hand. "Oh Ty-Ty-TySha-" he panted. "Your name's too long!" He gasped with an almost chuckle. "That feels so good!"

Ok, so maybe it's ok if he calls me 'Ty' sometimes.

His…thing…was hot and thick in my hand, hard and soft at the same time. It was rose turning purple and beginning to twitch under my fingers. I found myself breathing faster with him, wanting him to feel as good as I felt.

Then he cried out, "Oh, God! Ty!" and squirt gobs and gobs of his stuff across my chest. My nipples tingled and I couldn't stop my fingers from spreading it around some. It felt gooey and thick. I gave it a cautious sniff and then licked it. A little bitter but not unpleasant. I had seen plenty of girls take it in their mouths. I wondered if Brian wanted me to do that to him.

I looked up at him just as he was opening his eyes again. He panted and grinned. "Now you need to shower again." He started the water once more and washed the soap from himself and himself from my chest. He gave my cooch a good rinse just to be sure and helped me out of the shower stall. I had lots of clean towels on my bathroom shelf and Brian wrapped me with one and took another for himself.

When we finally made it into the bedroom, there was a note on the bed. "When you two are done using all the hot water, breakfast is ready." It was in Mr. Redmond's handwriting.

"Oh crap!" I groaned. "He's probably mad as all hell!"

"Your Dad?" Brian winced. "Yeah, maybe I should wait in the car and skip breakfast."

I almost said 'he's not my dad' but then, I thought, maybe he is. So I didn't say it. Instead, I shrugged and looked for something to put on. Brian neatly folded his uniform and stuffed it into his backpack. Then he pulled out a tee shirt and sweat pants. After he dressed, he found a bottle of cologne and squirted himself.

"Why are you wearing that?" I had to ask.

"Sweats? I'm just going to strip at the door. I figured it didn't matter. Oh, the CK? I don't know; I got it as a Christmas gift a couple years ago and just started wearing it. If you don't like it, I'll stop."

Nothing to do with me at all. I shrugged. "No. Wear what you want." He was right about the clothes, though. I found a pair of sweat pants that still fit and a tee shirt the same color as his. When I got it over my head, he was grinning at me. "You not special." I said mostly to deflect my own grin.

Ok, maybe he's a little special.

Eventually, we made it down stairs to a surprising sight. Mr. Redmond had Mrs. Redmond in a tight grip leaned against the front door. He'd dropped his briefcase and splashed his coffee on the floor before he pinned her. Mrs. Redmond had one hand in his hair and one hand moving under his suit jacket. Her eyes fluttered for a moment and then flew open.

In less than a minute, they were straightening their clothes and adjusting their hair. Mr. Redmond gave Mrs. a sedate kiss on the cheek and opened the door. He stopped and turned back to Brian and me, still on the staircase. "Sha-sha? I need to worry about him yet?"

No one can prove whether the question made me blush or not, so I'm saying it didn't. But I couldn't look at him.

"Right." Mr. Redmond looked at Brian. "I am officially accusing you of dastardly deeds, boy. I'll be on time tonight." He left.

As soon as the door closed, Mrs. yelled for us to come eat. She hummed as she served us and Brian and I kept grinning at each other. "So! You two look like you worked everything out last night." She sounded like she had a pretty good night herself.

"I hope so." Brian smiled at me.

"I guess." I conceded. "You still not my boyfriend."

"Why not?"

"Just cause."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

We ate and I found Mrs. Redmond's comments about my eating for two and taking my vitamins not as irritating as usual. The ride to school was pleasant and every time I looked at Brian, I got a nice tingly feeling. Especially when I looked and he was looking at me.

When we got to the school lot, he kissed me. "Your name is TyShala."

I almost cried. Not only did he remember my name, he said it right.

Once we got out of the car, I could not stop grinning. We got to the lockers and waited our turn to undress. Brian stripped me slowly, this time taking a lot of liberties that he didn't on Tuesday. When he finished, I was practically dripping down my legs from all the little touches and teases. I decided that two could play that game and when it was my turn, I tried to see how many of the little things he did to me, worked on him: I rubbed his nipples with my thumbs, blew in his ears softly, teased my fingertips up and down the inside of his thighs. Mr. Happy was almost dripping by the time I was done.

"You gonna just leave him like that?" one of the girls watching yelled out as I closed his locker.

I looked back him and bit back a laugh at the frustrated but happy little smile he gave me. "That's his problem. You can fix him if you want to."

"Oh yeah!" She quickly moved in front of him and swallowed him right down.

Brian's eyes flew wide before fluttering shut as he groaned. I had sort of planned to go it to homeroom but I saw the rapt look his face and watched him instead. He bit his lip then sighed softly. After a minute, he put his hands on her hair and stroked her head gently. He bit his lip again, looking almost angry. It was amazing to watch. It was hot to watch. My heart was pounding and my cooch was throbbing.

"Hey Sha-sha! You look like you want a taste!" I recognized Bryant's teasing before I saw him walk over. A few feet behind him, Malik still looked disgusted by me.

Tsk! "Shut up!"

"So can I get a feel?" he asked.

"A feel of what?"

"You know." He looked at me for a moment then behaved himself. "OK. Reasonable Request. May I touch your pussy?"

I know that's the whole point of the program but I was still so embarrassed I thought I would die on the spot! I looked around to see who was watching us and saw far too many boys looking my way. I looked over at Brian but he was gasping and clutching the girl's head. I didn't know if he'd finished or not yet but it was clear he was occupied at the moment. I looked back at Bryant; he'd always been cool before and he did ask nicely. "OK."

He stepped slightly to the side - to compensate for the baby I'm sure - and put a couple fingers between my legs. "Damn girl, he got your number, don't he!" What could I say? Between Brian teasing me and me teasing him, I was soaking down there. He put just the very tip of his finger in me. "Can I?" He asked.

"No." He pulled it out again.

"Cool." He pulled his hand away from me then lewdly licked his fingers. "Maybe we can go out some night. You know, after." He gestured to my stomach.

"Yeah. Maybe." I agreed. But inside I was thinking not only no but hell no. I looked at Brian; he was helping the girl stand and whispering in her ear. She blushed.

Brian smoothly picked up my books and his. "Come on." As we headed inside the building, he whispered in my ear. "You know I have to get you back for that, of course. Right?"

As we passed the administrative offices, the secretary called out for Brian. "Ms. Scott wants to see you ASAP." Neither of us had any idea why but when we got to her office, Ms. Scott was not at all happy.

"You!" She snapped at Brian. "In. Sit. You -" She pointed at me, "go find a Reasonable Request then get to class." She practically slammed her office door shut. I sat down on the couch outside her office to wait for Brian - a Request could find me here just as well as anywhere else.

Which, much to my surprise, it did. "Tish-shaw-luh? Oh man, am I glad I found you! You got a minute?" It was the boy who was so fascinated by my stretch marks and he didn't give me a minute to respond, just grabbed my hand and dragged me with him. As we flew through the halls, he told half a dozen people that I didn't have time but I'd let the get their requests later. I would have argued but it's not like I really wanted to do it any way. But I was very glad we nearly skidded to a halt at the art room door.

"Found her!" He panted.

"Ah good. Hello, I haven't had you in my class yet, I'm Ms. Barsoom."

"Hi." I'd heard of her; I kept being told that I had to take her class but, really, I have zero artistic talent.

"See?" The boy was gesturing between me and an easel. "The shadows are wrong, the color's not even close. I can't do it with Brit."

"Hmm. Yes. I see the problems. But unless you do it out of class time I don't see…" Ms. Barsoom paused and looked at me. "What do you have third period?"

"Music Appreciation."

"Hmmmm. Let me talk to Brooke; maybe we can work something out for a week or two. But, Shalon, you're going to have to focus your energies on this and only this - not on ten projects at once. I see you working on anything but this, she's out. Clear?"

"You won't, I promise!" What ever it was, he was very excited.

"What are you guys talking about?" I finally asked.

Ms. Barsoom looked surprised. "Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you were modeling for him. Shalon is sketching you for class."

"It's really crappy now because I was just going off memory and using Brit as a kind of general model except she doesn't have your curves." He turned the sketch toward me. He was clearly unhappy with it and it really didn't look like me but it was an amazingly good sketch of a pregnant woman.

"It looks good to me." I said with a shrug.

He shrugged back. "It's ok. I mean, the figure's good but it doesn't really look like you or Brit. It's kind of a cross between you." He picked up a brown pencil and began coloring something. "Hold still." He said absently.

"I'd better go talk to Brooke." Ms. Barsoom said as she left the room.

Shalon began muttering about color and shadows and I figured this was a good time to be quiet and sit still. I heard the bell ring for Homeroom but it wasn't like we did anything useful in there and Shalon was still working. After a while, Ms. Barsoom came back. "It's ok with Ms. Shadowgard. Drop by after class and she'll give you the homework and a CD of today's music." She paused. "Do you not have class first period?"

"Sociology." I answered.

She nodded. "Shalon? French?"

He jumped. "Oh! Right! Sorry! You've got Soc with Brian, right? I'll walk you; I'm across the hall."

I got a couple stomach-rubbers but no real Requests as we walked. "Can I ask you a question?" I was really curious about the whole sketch idea.

He sighed heavily. "Yes, it is a girl's name. Long story, short - my parents thought I was going to be a girl and named me after my grandmother then figured the name was uncommon enough that no one would notice." He rolled his eyes. "Then Shalon Forest got the whole 'Angels Nightmare' series on the best seller list and now everybody has to say something!"

I didn't know about the name; I'm the last person to comment on someone's name! "That's not what I was gonna ask." Which surprised him. "I was gonna ask why sketch me?"

"Oh. Easy! I always do the weird stuff." He stopped and hit himself. "OK that came out all wrong." He started walking again. "OK. I like odd details - stuff people don't usually look at. Texture of food wrappers. The color of the sideway. Scar tissue. Stuff - stuff most people try not to see, I look at. I know this is gonna sound weird but your stretch marks are wicked cool." He was right; that did sound weird. "I've got this oversized sketch of my sister's knee where she tore it open skiing and it's really cool how the lines twist. I mean, in some tribes, they scar you as a sign of manhood or as a reward and stuff. Your stretch marks are like a tribal tat. I mean, that's cool."

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I always thought tattoos were either from prison or weird White people shit. I mean, I knew about the Asian art and tribal stuff in the islands or Africa or wherever but in this day and age, who still believes that you should scar yourself deliberately? Shalon evidently. The way he phrased it, it sounded like the stretch marks were a good thing. Like some kind of honor.

We got to my classroom door and he paused. "Hey, uh, can I look at them again. Reasonable Request?"

Oh this isn't embarrassing at all. "Sure."

He knelt down and studied my stomach again, stroking the lines gently. He again followed them down my thighs and toward my cooch. He brushed the hair lightly.

"Hey!" Brian's voice behind me made us both jump. Shalon looked guilty and nearly ran into someone backing away from me. "Where have you been?"

"In my skin." Once again, my mouth answered without consulting my brain.

He sighed, frustrated. "You missed Homeroom. They marked you absent!"

"Whatever."

"Not whatever! Ms. Scott's already pissed at me; we don't need her pissed at you too!" He seemed to suddenly notice Shalon. "Hey Lonnie. How's the sketch?"

"Sucks but Tish-shaw-luh's gonna model for me third period so I can fix it."

"Cool." But he didn't sound enthusiastic.

Not that I really noticed. I was still stuck on "we don't need". We? "What's Scott pissed about?"

"Yesterday." He shrugged. "Unexcused absence."

I frowned. "I had a doctor's appointment."

"Yeah, but I didn't."

"Oh." I hadn't even thought of that.

"Where were you, Brian?" Shalon asked.

"I went to Ty's sonogram. You got to see this!" He had the pictures at easy reach.

"Cool! So just get a note from your folks! What's Scott's problem?"

"My folks won't write the note."

"Why not?"

The bell rang and I answered the question. "Cause his mom hates me."

"Your mom?" Shalon was clearly shocked.

"She doesn't hate you. But I'm, uh, staying at Ty's until we talk it out. Later, dude." He guided me into class leaving Shalon sputtering.

"Wait - you're staying at Ty's - like staying? Dude - lunch!"

Mr. McKenna was waiting for us. "Ms. Brown, your homework from yesterday is due tomorrow, no excuses. Mr. Loving, I trust you have a note?"

"I've got pictures?" He handed Mr. McKenna the album.

He flipped through them and smiled. "Doesn't excuse you from class but I'll give you an extension on the homework too. Relief?"

Brian looked at me and raised his eyebrows a few hundred times. I rolled my eyes. Tsk! "No!"

"You two are sure? You're not going to slip off and do it in the middle of class?"

"We not gonna do it period!" I pointed out and Mr. McKenna actually blushed.

"Right, you win. I'll keep my big mouth shut!" He chuckled. "Ok, class, settle in. Who wants to recap yesterday's discussion?"

"TyShala?" Jeanette called out softly from two rows back. "Can I see your pictures?"

I almost let myself feel special until I remembered that some people are just nosey and want to see anybody's pictures. I shrugged and pointed to Brian. "They're his not mine."

"Brian." She called out. "Brian!" I had to tap his shoulder to get his attention. "Let me see the pictures."

"Oh!" He grinned like - like - like he was the father or something. "Here!"

Yesterday's class had covered the nine US Civil Rights Acts from 1866 to present. Homework was to pick an Act and write a page about how the US would be different without it. "So, are we done? Is the US now an equal State with liberty and justice for all?" There were a blend of yeses and nos. "Why not? Frederick?"

"Because you can't legislate human behavior." He stated flatly.

"Bullseye! You can make it illegal to do certain acts and you can make it illegal to say certain things but ultimately you can never tell people what to think in their own head. As a result, you can pass laws all day long but people will find a way to discriminate against others. They use race, religion, gender, economic status, cultural differences, and if they can't find a difference, they will make one up! Now. How to we prevent discrimination?"

Which is what started the debate. I stayed out of it - I don't think you can prevent discrimination. As long as there are more than two people on the planet, there will always be an 'us' and a 'them'. Us. We. "We don't need" like we were more than just Program partners. Like he was just ignoring me when I said we weren't a couple. Which was sort of…ok, it was sort of awesomely amazingly cool but I was not about to admit that! Even if I was willing to date a White boy - Hispanic boy, whatever! - I am not going to do it while I'm the size of the Capitol Dome! I'm not interested. I'm not. I'm just not.

That, of course, doesn't explain at all why my whole body felt all tingly when, while arguing about racial mixing being the best solution, he unconsciously reached over and rubbed my leg. I was still feeling tingly when the bell rang and the class left around us and someone - not Jeanette - dropped the sonogram pictures on my desk "Cool pics!" a couple other voices agreed.

Brian grinned at me as he picked up both of our books. "I'm going to get you to take relief today."

"Hardly!" I stood up and headed out the door.

He caught up to me and whispered in my ear. "I know it can be done. I'm gonna get you."

"You have a problem hearing 'no', don't you."

He grinned again. "Yeah, I kinda do. I hate it when people tell me I can't do stuff; it just makes me try harder."

"Well you better get over it." We bickered all the way to math class. If there were any Requests, I didn't notice them.

Friday was always 'fun' day in Ms. Grant's class - in as much as any math class can be fun. We usually do stuff like go outside and map parts of the school or the neighborhood. Today, as we all came into the classroom, she checked if Brian and I needed relief - we didn't - and then handed out a page of triangles. Each one had one thing like a tree, a teacher's desk, or something identified. "Scavenger Hunt! Break yourselves into teams -I don't care how many - and find as many of these locations as you can. You have to be back in this room by quarter of. The team that finds the most locations wins."

"Wins what?"

She smiled sweetly. "You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"

There was a sample at the top of the page. The angle formed by the wall of the school and the naked lockers. She gave out tape measures to each team and let us go. I found myself with Brian, Shalon and Artie - Brian's 'crew' as it turns out. While I was measuring the first suspected angle, Brian and the guys huddled. There was laughter and them looking in my direction - no doubt he was lying to them about how far he'd gotten with me. When they came out of the huddle, Brian took the tape and the scavenger list from me. "They have a Reasonable Request." He didn't even try to hide the smug look on his face.

"Uh, yeah." Artie looked a little hesitant - maybe because I was moving my glare between the three of them. "I just want to touch a little. Honest!"

"Yeah? Well I don't know what he told you but that's all he's done either!" I snapped.

They looked at him, both curious. Brian - guess what? - blushed. "What? I got to tell you guys everything?"

"No, just, you know, if she's your girlfriend…"

"I'm not his girlfriend!" Which left them even more confused. Tsk! "Just get it over with!"

"Uh, O-K." Shalon reached out and stroked my breast. Then he stopped and looked at it closely. "Cool! You've got stretch marks here too!" Can I die now? The number of stretch marks and scars across my body seemed to fascinate Shalon to no end and while Brian and Artie measured the next three spots, Shalon explored me with his eyes and fingertips.

Finally, Artie found a spine. "Hey Lonnie! Give it a rest! My turn already. We don't have all day!"

Reluctantly, they switched and Artie seemed to have more conventional tastes. After playing with my nipples for a while, asked me to lean against a wall and bend over so he could get a real clear view of my cooch. "Not for long." I told him. I stayed that way until my back began complaining, which was all of five minutes and then I started to stand up but a hand held me down.

"Let us get a look too!" Brian said, chuckling. I glanced back and couldn't see much but I did see that Shalon had a large lump in the front of his pants. A pair of fingers parted the lips down there and even I heard the wet pop when they parted.

Ok, I guess I have to admit that Shalon's attentions were nice and Artie's were even more so. I didn't like to admit that being stared at like this was getting to me - especially knowing that looking at me and touching me was getting to them. Judging by the way the fingers were stroking, the guys must have been taking turns. I couldn't really hear them talking behind me but I was having trouble staying in the position for a couple different reasons.

Then, the fingers started fumbling around my button. I bit my lip until they hit dead on. Then I couldn't help but gasp. He did it again, whichever one of them it was, and I gasped again. Then another set of fingers tried it and took me from gasping to shaking. I knew the third set was Brian because just before I got there, the SOB stopped!

He helped me stand upright. "You ok?" He grinned smugly in my face.

I refuse to give him the satisfaction. "Yes." I tried to sound serene. Artie and Shalon were straining their zippers and Brian was just plain rock hard. For a minute, I wanted to do all three of them but I got over it.

"We should get back to class." Shalon said, looking at his watch. "It's quarter til now."

We were the last group to check in and we had the least number of correct triangles. Yeah, let's all look surprised. The group that won got a gold triangle - Ms. Grant's version of a gold star - each team member got their choice of m&m's from her candy stash. Not politically correct but no one really cared; bragging rights are bragging rights.

In the hall were Brian and I usually split, so that I head for music and he went wherever he went, I didn't split off. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"Art. I'm going to help Shalon with this thing of his."

"Um, actually, Tish-shaw-luh, just call me Lonnie. Ms. Barsoom's the only one who uses my full name."

"Um, actually, Lonnie, it's Tie-shay-la."

"What did I say?"

"Not TyShala." I answered as sweetly as I could.

"Ok. Tie-shaw-luh."

"Tie-shay-la"

"Tish-shay-luh?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just call me Shay-shay!"

"Shay-shay. OK. That, I got."

In the art room, there were a total of three naked people. Ron and Brittney were already in the class and posing in the front of the room. Ms. Barsoom posed them seated beside each other, her legs in his lap, his hands on her hips, her arms around his neck. Their faces were pulled together like they were kissing. A spike of jealousy shot through me. Everything was so easy for her.

Lonnie set me up by the window - first floor so that everybody walking by can see my naked butt, perfect! He set up an easel but also had a sketchpad in he lap. He first had me just stand facing him, then turned to face sideways. Then backward. Then he had me face him again only with my arms around my stomach. "Like you're hugging it, not like you want to squeeze it out!" We didn't talk much. He sketched - two at a time? - and I stood still for almost half an hour before I had to sit down. Neither of us heard the bell ring and it wasn't until most of the class was actually leaving that Lonnie said I could move.

I looked at the sketches. The one on the easel was in color pencil and showed all the detail of my fat face, swollen belly and thunderous thighs. Not cute. He did say he liked weird things. The one in his lap was regular pencil and had what looked to me like practice sketches of my breasts, hands, ear, and so on. "Wait!" He snapped at me.

"Wha-"

"No, don't move. Smile again. Yeah! Like that." He picked up the sketchpad and began drawing again. "You should totally smile more." I hadn't been aware that I was smiling to begin with. "You're really pretty when you smile." Good - another bullshit artist!

"Shalon - Algebra?" Ms. Barsoom called out. "And Tish-shay-luh will miss relief if you don't let her go."

"Right, yeah, ok. Just…ok…" he drew faster. "Ok, ok. I'm almost… Can you come back after school? Or at lunch?"

"I'm supposed to have lunch with the other naked people."

"Yeah…"

He really looked excited. "Ok. Whatever."

"Great! Thanks! Ms. Barsoom…" he ran over to her desk, and after a minute, I realized he'd forgotten I was there that fast. I grabbed my books and left as the late bell rang.

Brian met me about half way to class. "How was Art? Where's Lonnie?"

"What are you, my Dad?" I shrugged. "Lonnie's in his skin."

I was actively trying to irritate him this time but instead, he smiled. "So did he paint the canvas or you?" he teased.

"What!"

He stole a quick peck on my cheek. "Nothing. Something Lonnie said once." Mr. Happy had been sleeping when I first saw him but standing there, but he was waking up. It couldn't be seeing me that was doing that. Even if I was cute - which I'm not - he's been looking at me for a week! Brian caught my eyes looking down and blushed. "I - sorry - can't help it. I kind of keep thinking about this morning and…" he shrugged. "You have to take Relief; it's practically required in Ms. Wagner's class."

The mention of this morning's shower made me wet and I wanted to smack him for it. I had gotten that and stripping in front of the lockers out of my mind completely! Then that - that - thing in math class! I had gotten it all out of my head. But apparently, it wasn't out of my system because as soon as he stopped smiling and gave me that look, my heart was pounding. And as soon as he put his hands on me - not the baby, me - and closed the foot or so gap between us, I knew he was going to kiss me again. I hate it when he kisses me. Hate it, oh, Hate it, God, Hate it, this feels good! As his tongue tangled with mine, I had this image of it touching me down there. If I hadn't been wet before, that thought would have done it. Mr. Happy was pressed against my stomach, warm and hard. I'm falling again; I'm falling into some boy again and I can't stop myself.

"I cannot believe either of you has a hall pass for this." We let go of each other, guiltily, and looked around to find Mr. Random, the psychology teacher looking pretty amused. "You are late for someone's class, I presume?"

"Uh, yes sir." Brian blushed even deeper. Or maybe, with Mr. Happy practically purple, it's better to say 'flushed'. I just know my cheeks were burning and I hurried down the hall without looking to see if Brian was following.

He was, of course, and slipped my book bag off my shoulder when he caught up to me.

He was so damn loving!

Ms. Wagner frowned at us as we came through the door. "You have missed the Relief period today. If both of you will take your seats up front, please."

"Uh, actually, Ms. Wagner," Brian started, "I kinda wanted to share something with the class."

"I trust it's related?"

"Yes ma'am." I rolled my eyes. What was it with him and these pictures? "I - we missed class yesterday for Ty's sonogram. I thought you'd want to see these." He handed her both the sonogram album and her computer picture.

"Oh my! That's amazing! Yes, please - class, I'll pass these around. You can see how close our genetic profiles can get." As the pictures made their way around the room there were various gasps of 'oo', 'ah', 'oh' and 'aw'. On the one hand, it was overly dramatic and unnecessary - nobody really cares about someone else's kid. On the other hand, it was my baby they were cooing over. It was weird - I wasn't even sure when I started thinking of it - her - as 'my baby'. I just know that suddenly all the 'oo's and 'ah's were…nice.

"Alright, it's Friday, so let's review what we've learned this week. What is DNA, Chrissy?" She called each of us in turn and asked us a different random question about this week's material. She asked me what the difference between sexual and asexual reproduction was. She skipped Brian.

Near the end of class, she came back to him. "Mr. Loving, explain to the class the purpose and process of a sonogram."

She looked as if she expected to trip him up with that but he just beamed that damn smile of his. "Sure! It's sonar for the stomach. They have a low frequency sound wave that they send through, well usually the abdomen I guess, but they can use it almost anywhere kind of hollow. But anyway, it bounces back like regular sonar and they can show you an image of what's inside. I mean, it's mostly for babies but they use it for tumors and stuff too. The pictures Ty got are the 3D kind but there's one called 4D where you actually get a video of the baby moving! It was so cool!" Brian was so excited, I wondered who's sonogram he went to because it wasn't mine. "We watched her roll over."

"Her?" Ms. Wagner asked.

"Yeah Oh, sorry, I know you wanted it to be a surprise. Yeah, it's a girl." He turned that damn smile on me. "Ty junior."

I looked away and tried to roll my eyes but really my whole body temperature went up like a thousand degrees.

"…paying attention." Ms. Wagner was saying when I pull myself together enough to notice. "We have about five minutes left and I'm pretty much done for the week, so since you two were late, I'll offer you a Relief Period now, if you'd like it."

Brian's eyes pleaded. My cooch pleaded. But as much as I wanted to say yes - oh GOD did I want to say yes - I knew what would happen. Some girl would volunteer for him and I'd wind up all by myself and, like I said, I don't particularly like doing it by myself when I'm alone. In front of everyone? Not a chance!

"We'll both pass." Brian said after a minute.

"Alright." Ms. Wagner looked at her watch. "Well, there's no reason to keep you, so go away. Enjoy your weekend. I'll see you at the Education First Festival, right?" She stopped in front of our seats. "Just a moment, you two." She waited until everyone else left. "As I'm sure you realize, one of my jobs here is Program Counselor." We both said yes, although in truth, it was the first I'd heard of it. "So if you're having trouble with the Program, I need to know about it. Are you?"

"No ma'am." Brian said a bit tensely. I just shrugged; my problem with the Program was getting more obvious by the day.

"I see. So you haven't had any difficulty with Reasonable Requests? You've taken Relief two or three times?" Brian and I looked at each other then looked away. "No? Any reason why?"

"Well, see, she - I mean, I didn't…I mean, not that she's -"

"Brian!" She waved him quiet. "Calm down! You're not going to be expelled. But. I am thinking seriously about having you both repeat the Program next week."

He let out an exasperated gasp. "Too late."

"Too late?"

"Ms. Scott beat you too it." We both looked at him. "Since I 'cut' class yesterday, she's making me do it again or take a two-day suspension. It was a doctor's appointment!"

"It wasn't your doctor appointment." Ms. Wagner pointed out. "And unless there's more going on here then you two are telling, you didn't have any other reason to be there. Apart from supporting your partner - which is commendable of course but not at the expense of your class time."

He took my hand. For a minute, the world rocked. "I just thought…" He shrugged. "I wanted to be there."

"Tishshilla? What about you? I actually getting reports that you've been refusing or just flat out ignoring Requests by classmates."

"Ignoring?" I frowned. "Nobody's asked any to ignore."

"It's true." Brian put in. "She gotten way fewer than I have."

"You are not out of the doghouse on this either, young man." Brian shut up. "If I put you back in the Program next week, young lady, you will be under the new Administrative Restriction Regulation. That means that you will be required to take Relief at least once a day and there are more things that are considered reasonable for Reasonable Requests. You will still be able to say no to any insertion but any other touch you will have to allow. And the faculty have much broader authority to administer corporal punishment."

"Corporal?" Brian started to stand up. "What, they're going to spank her in class?"

"That's not what I said; calm down." Ms. Wagner gestured for him to sit back down. "But, yes, if a Program participant is not following the rules, a member of the faculty can choose to administer corporal punishment - if appropriate. They can not beat a student, of course. But a well timed smack on the fanny has been motivating children for centuries." She looked at me directly. "Thus far, young lady, you have not shown that you have accomplished any of the Program's goals."

I frowned. "What goals!"

"Well, first of all, simple acceptance of your own physical body. You are a lovely young woman…"

"I'm fat." Lovely my ass!

"…you are not slender, no. But you are the size you are and frankly, I haven't seen it as a hindrance. Mr. Loving doesn't seem to mind an extra pound or two."

"Yeah." Brian agreed. "You're not fat, Ty. I mean, you're not skinny but that ok, right?"

"Brian," Ms. Wagner spared him a glance. "Stop." He shut his mouth again and she looked back at me. "My point is that larger women than you have gone through this Program with no trouble - and I don't mean the pregnancy. I can certainly understand why you didn't want that revealed and certainly not in this manner. But it was and, frankly, there is nothing wrong, with you or your body that you should be ashamed of. And at least you look healthy pregnant. Believe me - it could be worse. I looked like a toothpick with an olive stuck on it." Brian snickered and she shot him a quelling look. "You really do have that fabled pregnancy glow. You should be enjoying this!" I rolled my eyes and she pretended to ignore it. "Now. Promise me that you'll spend the rest of the day allowing Reasonable Requests and that you'll both take Relief at least once." I rolled my eyes again. "I'm serious, here. I can and will invoke ARR if I need to."

"Fine." I sighed. "Whatever!"

"Good. Brian?"

"Yes, ma'am. She will."

"Don't promise for her; I need you to participate as well. I realize that you've been trying to shield Ms. Brown from some of this and that is not your job as her partner. Your job is to be available for support as she experiences the Program. And, by spending your time shielding her, you are not participating yourself. I can put you in ARR as well, you realize. So, a little more openness, please?"

I have never met a boy who blushed as much as this one did! "Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you. Now. Has anything positive come from your Program experience so far?"

I shrugged.

"I got to see TyShala naked." Brian said, snickering again. I smacked his shoulder as hard as I could. "That's definitely positive."

"I see. And has she allowed you a Reasonable Request yet?"

I couldn't even look up when Brian said, "It wasn't actually reasonable…."

"I see." Ms. Wagner said. "Did you agree to this request, Ms. Brown?"

I'm going to kill him! "I guess."

"And was it the worst thing that ever happened to you?"

Tsk! "No."

"Not by the way she reacted." Brian murmured under his breath - loud enough for her to hear him.

"I see." She said again. "So you enjoyed Mr. Loving's request?"

I glared at him but he just arched an eyebrow and squelched a grin. "Somewhat." I admitted.

"And did he allow you a Reasonable Request in return?"

I'm going to kill them both! Tsk! "Yes."

"And did you enjoy it, Brian?"

"Oh, yes, ma'am!" He didn't repress the grin when I glared at him this time.

"Well." Was all she said. She looked at us for another minute then checked her watch. "Alright. You two promise to try this afternoon?"

"Yes, ma'am." Brian answered for us.

"Alright. Go get some lunch. Good luck tomorrow. And remember - this is a Program event for you both so, no clothes! The senior Program Administrator will be there and I'd just as soon not have Carl Bethsman breathing down my neck!"

She let us leave and as soon as we cleared her door, I hit him again. "Why'd you tell her that?"

"Because!" He laughed. "Besides, it was all true!"

"This morning wasn't some damn reasonable request!"

"Yeah it was. Kind of. I mean, I asked you to join me and you did."

"Don't be stupid! That's was like…I don't know…normal, I guess. Married people do stuff like that. Everything's not a reasonable request!"

He paused and looked thoughtful. "No, actually, everything is! I mean like…ok, say you're dating…you're married…I mean not to me…Not that I wouldn't, just…Ok…"

"Brian!" I snapped at him and he stopped short. "Just shut up." He was absolutely stunned - mouth open, eyes wide. It was priceless. And we were absolutely alone in the hall.

So I kissed him. Not a long one - just a quick peck on the corner of his mouth. Then I kept heading to the cafeteria. He got there well after I did but Mr. Happy was in full effect when he did. I got my lunch without looking back at him too much and looked for Michelle - I was really tired of sitting with the naked people.

Michelle and Bryant both smiled at me and Kweli, who I hadn't seen all week, moved over to make space. It was Malik who stopped me. His face was ice cold. Bryant saw me look at him, looked at Malik himself and looked back at his lunch. By then, Brian caught up with me and kissed the back of my neck. I flinched, very aware of my other friends' watching us. But when I looked back, they were all looking away. I went with Brian to the naked table.

Bert was in a tizzy. "Baby pictures! Let me see!" Brian happily handed over the photo album. "OMG! She's so cuuuutttteeee! She looks just like you!"

Apeman looked over her shoulder. "Hey, yeah! I thought they were still working on cloning!" He took the book and shoved it abruptly in front of the other guys. They both jumped and most of the table laughed. The most of the rest of the lunch conversation was Brian talking with them about the sonogram. And me and Michelle exchanging looks across the room.

After a while, though, Brian tapped my arm. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Come on." He picked up our empty trays, dumped them and then grabbed our books. I followed him out of the cafeteria and around to an empty classroom.

"Ok, what -" That was as far as I got.

Brian held my arms and pushed his lips softly - but firmly - on mine. Don't give in, Shay-shay, don't do it! Stop shaking like that, spine! Knees, nobody gave you permission to fail! That better be him moaning, mouth! Secret, stolen, passionate kiss hidden from everyone, taking any free will I had left. I won't give in! I won't! When did my fingers get tangled in his hair? When did his hands grab my butt? Why does this feel so good?

Thank god for the bell!

"What was that?" I asked when I had enough breath.

"Payback," he whispered.

"Payback?" For what?

"You took my breath away, I thought I'd take yours." I tried to stay upright while he led me the short walk to Spanish class.

I was in no condition to take a test in Spanish - I was in no condition to take a test in my name! Senor Downey put me at a desk in the back corner of the room while he moved on with today's lesson. I looked at the test and all I could think of was Brian kissing my foot that night. Foot. Pie. It was on the test, question #16. A couple other words I remembered from Brian and my 'study' session were there as well. Bebe only appeared once on the test. It took me almost half the class period but I felt like I got a couple questions right for once. I handed in the test and took my regular seat for the rest of the period. Then spent the rest of class waiting for it to end so that he could grade it.

Of course, by the time class did let out, I had to pee. He laughed. "Go. I should have this done by the time you're back."

I simply cut the line this time - because the boy's room only had two stalls and I wasn't about to try and use a urinal. There were some complaints but I ignored them. I did have to wonder why there is never a line to use the sink in the boy's bathroom. Then, I decided that I didn't want to think about that too hard. When I got back to the classroom, Senor Downey wasn't finished but Brian was waiting.

After a couple minutes, Brian got impatient. "So did she pass or not?"

"I'm debating." The teacher answered.

"Debating?" I was more than confused. "How many did I get right?"

"Six." He shook his head. "However, on eleven others you used either the wrong form or the wrong spelling of the correct answer." He looked at both of us. "Which is actually a significant improvement. If I gave partial credit, you would receive a D, which would still be your highest test score so far. But I don't give partial credit on tests so…." He sighed deeply. "I want you to understand that this does represent a tremendous effort on your part. It shows me that if you put a little more diligence into your studies, you will pass this class. I appreciate that and I applaud this accomplishment. I do. I do still want to speak with your parents but I think it will be a much more pleasant conversation. I also want you to continue working with Senor Loving - he seems to be making some headway."

"Yeah, but did she pass the test?" Brian pressed.

"No." Senor Downey said flatly. "But she showed significant improvement and that what I was really hoping for."

Brian frowned then perked up. "Ok, when can she take it again?"

"Brian!" I snapped. "God! I got six! At least I got that much! Do I have to take it again, Senior Downey?"

"No, I won't do that. But I do expect your grades to go up from here. I will contact your parents and arrange a conference with them. Now, Senorita, how do you feel about your progress?"

I shrugged but before I answered, Brian cut in. "She can do better. Totally. I promise, let her take it again next week and she'll get 100 - at least a 90!" He was actually more upset by this than I was.

Downey hesitated then leaned back in his chair. "What do you think, Tish-shay-la? If you take it again, an A? And keep up with all the normal work? We give Program students bit of a break because it can be a stressful week but next week, you'll have to catch up on anything you've missed and your regular homework besides. I don't want you to feel pressured to take this test again - although, I will only keep the highest grade so if you do take it again, it is in your best interest."

I shrugged. "I guess I'll try again."

Senor Downey smiled and nodded. "Good. Here - take this note in case you're late to your next class." He wrote something quick just as the bell rang and we hurried through the halls to Lit.

Mr. GloboAmante glanced at his watch and gestured us to the front seats. "So 'short' is the only good thing about this novel, Marti?" Brian handed the teacher our note as we walked by him. "Anyone else have an opinion? Ms. Brown, you have to have an opinion here."

I had no idea what he meant. "Opinion about what?"

"About The Scarlet Letter, Hester, Dimmesdale, something, anything! This is Literature, people, not Statistics! You're supposed to form opinions not just sit there and glaze over! Are you telling me that you read this woman's story and felt nothing?"

I couldn't honestly tell him that - in truth, I hadn't actually read the book in a couple days. "I just wonder why he wrote it." I said after a minute.

"Why he wrote it! Classmates? Any theories? Why write about adultery, repentance, small towns with immoral secrets…." He went on like that an eventually got half the class into the discussion. "Ms. Brown, anything yet?"

"Well," I tried to think of something fast. "It was good."

"Why?"

Why! Because you're supposed to say classics are good! "Because it made me think about -" what? "- about Hester being one of the first single mothers in American Lit and yet people still act like they've never seen such a thing."

"Ok. Good. Very true. There have always been single mothers - men go to war, go to sea, go to the pub and never return. Why does Hawthorne find yet another single mother compelling enough to write about? Anyone? Hayden?"

Brian leaned over and whispered in my ear. "You won't really be a single mom, you know." His breath was warm and sent a shiver through me. For a split second, I was afraid he was going to kiss me again. Then his actual comment registered and my brow furrowed.

"What the hell?"

"Your Mom - Ms. Redmond's going to be taking care of it most of the time. She told me she wants you life to be as normal as possible." He had to be deliberately blowing on my ear - there was no other reason his breath would be making me shiver like that. "So you won't be like Hester at all."

I shifted in my seat and found myself, well, lubricated. Well lubricated. He was coming very very close to winning that bet that he'd make me take Relief today. Two more classes. If I can hold out two more classes, I'll have retained some dignity in all this.

Brian rubbed my back lightly while Mr. GloboAmante read part of the last chapter to the class. Even my toes were tingling.

Two more classes. That's all.

Mr. Jordan had given us a new script on Thursday but I didn't remember reading it and I had no idea what happened to the copies of it. "Have either of you even taken Relief this week?" He asked as we entered the class.

I figured that was rhetorical but Brian snorted, "Not really." We went to our seats. Out of his backpack, Brian pull both copies of the scene and I got my first real look at it.

It was a three person scene but there was a giant 'X' over the lines after the third person entered. The scene was two lovers talking and then the sudden entrance of one's spouse. The characters were named Lover1 Lover2 and Spouse but not labeled male or female. Most of the class used male/female for the lovers and the remaining cast member was the hetro spouse but one cast had the two girl's as lovers.

During the third group's reading, Brian whispered that we only had to do the first part since there were only two of us. That would be enough. The scene took place 'post coitus' and the old overstuffed couch that was one of our standard set pieces was one of those fold out kind. The lovers talk about their relationship and their spouses and said the word 'fuck' like nine times! Then the spouse comes in and catches them and - depending on how they read it, they either reconciled or split up. The lines were really ambiguous so body language and stage action filled in the missing meanings. There was almost no stage direction.

Apart from the kiss that the spouse's entrance interrupts, of course.

When our turn came, Brian slipped under the sheet, rolled on his side and lifted it for me like he'd done it a thousand times before. Then he smiled at me. Evil-Ricky-Ricardo-wanna-be! I got in bed beside him and rolled on my side because I had no real choice. Gently, he put his arm around me and pulled me close. Mr. Happy seemed thrilled. Mrs. Happy certainly was. He rested his chin on my shoulder and used my script for the opening line - which most of the other groups had given the girl lover.

"I love this part." He read. "This lying together post fuck part." He kissed my neck.

I tried to just read the script and not feel like we'd just done it and all the little evil touches and caresses he was adding in weren't getting to me like wild fire. But his voice actually started getting deeper about half a page before the kiss. He was going to kiss me for real. He knew it. I knew it. For all I knew, the whole class knew it. It was inevitable. Sunrise, rainfall, Brian's kiss.

My eyes were closed when it happened. But the whole world seemed bright. He tongue caressed mine. His hand stroked my stomach. I think the class was making the typical teenage howling noises but I couldn't hear them over them pounding of my heart in my ears.

When Mr. Jordan read the next line. "I knew it! I just knew it!" Brian and I popped apart in surprise.

Then I watched Brian's face run through a dozen different colors as he realized why the girl had the opening line. The next line was his. "Oh jeez!" which wasn't in the script. "Uh, Honey, you're early! This isn't what it looks like." He looked both guilty and sheepish as he looked at his 'husband'.

We got through the rest of the scene to the laughter and applause of the rest of the class. Then we talked about how casting - and timing! - can change everything about a script. I thought it would give me time to come down from being so keyed up but everything about it - him - just seemed to be fanning my flames. The way he sat, the way he spoke. The way he'd held me during the scene and that kiss! Even - I can't believe that it's true - even the way he and Mr. Jordan 'reconciled' got to me. I could hardly breathe. I was shocked that everyone in the room couldn't smell me for pete's sake!

He got me. He won. I wasn't sure I could get to my next class without Relief. Ms. Wagner had said it Monday - pregnancy hormones wreak havoc on the emotions. My mood had swung from miserable to pissed most days; now, I was beginning to some of the better sides of it. That would explain why Brian was making me smile when I didn't want to. And why, right now, I was absolutely, undeniably, overwhelmingly, unreasonably horny! At the moment, I would have done it - and I mean IT - with anyone in the room! But I wanted Brian. I mean really wanted him. Part of me was terrified - I'd never felt so slut-y. I didn't want to feel like this but I couldn't stop it. The larger part of me however, was just trying to figure out what I wanted to do, where and when! Kiss him. Touch him. Lick him. Let him touch me - let him…well, maybe not really put it in but I kept thinking about it. Class took forever to end and my classmates took ever longer leaving the room.

Then Mr. Jordan sat next to me. "TyShala," He paused what he was going to say. "Are you ok? You feel like you're running a fever?"

Good Grief! How hot am I? "I'm fine." I tried to smile. "I should go…"

"A couple quick words?" I sat down again and tried not to seethe. Brian was moving toward the door but stopped and sat on my other side. "Listen, would you be willing to play a small part in next month's play? My Juliet…"

"Juliet!" That is NOT a small part!

"In Measure for Measure - not Romeo and Juliet! Twelve lines, maybe! She's the pregnant girlfriend of Claudio." He rushed on before I could say something. "But that's not the only reason I want you to play her! She's usually played as very weepy and I'd like to see a different approach. Tell me, if you and the baby's father were deeply in love and wanted to get married, how would you feel?"

"Elated." Brian said behind me. It sent a warm shiver up my spine.

"Uh…happy, I guess."

"Happy. Elated. Naturally. Now. What if your father disapproved so much that he actually had the boy arrested. And, thanks to a new law, the father of your child is on death row."

"I'd be pissed." I stated flatly. "I'm in love and he loves me? Oh, I'd be pissed off!" I could feel it, my mood changing from hot to cold - well, hot to hot but not the same type.

"Not something you'd just cry about?"

"Not if I could do something!"

"Good. Chrissy was going to play the part for me but she's our light tech now and can't do both. Come to rehearsal on Monday, and I'll give you the script and we'll work you into the schedule." I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I mean, I didn't actually agree but I didn't say no either. "Good! I'll see you Monday!"

Great! Now I'm in the stupid play! Just what I needed - more attention! I was halfway down the hall when Brian touched my shoulder. I shrugged it off. Now instead of being aroused, I was irritated. I just wanted to go somewhere and cool off but there was nowhere to go except gym class.

"Ty?" Brian obviously wasn't keeping up with my lightening fast mood changes.

"What?" I snapped.

"I - uh - what - are you ok?"

TSK! "No! I'm not OK!"

"What - but - I thought you wanted…I mean, it seemed like you wanted…."

"Why everybody got a say but me?"

"…uh…what?"

"Me, Hester and whatshername. Juliet. We all wrong. You can't abort it and you can't have it, so if you got it, you just wrong! And everybody gets to tell you where to go and what to do. We don't even get to pick if we want the guy of not! You can't have this one, you got to marry that one, you don't get one at all!"

"…uh…yeah."

Tsk! "Never mind! You so dumb!" I stomped down the hall and he followed much more slowly.

Ms. Stuttgart was waiting when I got to class - no one even spoke to me in the locker room! - and she started right out with breathing exercises which at first seemed really pointless but about mid-way through class, I realized that I was feeling much better. More relaxed. We did some yoga which wasn't bad but by the time class was over, I was feeling a little sore - like I'd actually worked out some.

Ms. Stuttgart laughed lightly. "Yes, a few aches are ok. Yoga is good. Swimming is a good too. Then a massage if you can find one. Stay away from saunas and steam rooms, though." She took my foot in her hand. "Yes, I can see you're a bit swollen. She began rubbing it firmly which felt like heaven. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back.

"Hey, Ty?" Brian's questioning voice came up behind me ruining the moment. "Uh, TyShala? You ok?"

"I was." I refused to open my eyes.

"Oh. Uh. Sorry. I'll, uh, I'll…"

Tsk! "What?"

"I, uh…" I heard his voice take a different tone. "Hey, can I do that?"

"Of course!" Ms. Stuttgart answered.

Almost instantly, Brian was holding on my other foot and copying her movements. I would have said something but all that came out was a low moan. I didn't realize just how much my feet hurt and the pressure they were relieving was wonderful!

"I know you're going to hate me for breaking this up," I heard Ms. Tenyari say gently, "but Watson gave me strict instructions that you be on time today."

I groaned. Brian and Ms. Stuttgart helped me up and to the locker room door. I didn't see any reason to shower now since I was just going to go work up a sweat Stepping so I grabbed my books and my shoes and headed for the door.

Which was blocked by Paul. "So I get to touch it today?"

I looked him up and down. "No" and smacked his hand when he reached for me anyway.

"Bitch!" He snarled and lunged for me.

I've never been a real fighter. My attitude has always kept most of the wolves at bay. But I was strong enough and quick enough to grab his hands before he grabbed me and we struggled for a minute before anyone else got there. Mark. Stephen. A couple others. I saw Malik in the crowd. There was a time when he and Stephen would have been first. Still when Stephen called him, Malik came over and didn't seem to hesitate when Mark suggested that the three of them have a quick, closed door 'discussion' with Paul. I watched for a minute - if someone's getting their ass beat down on my behalf, I should watch. They didn't take long and Paul was able to stand up on his own when they were done. There wasn't even that much blood.

"Punk-assed bitch." Mark spat as he walked away. "Fuckin' white trash."

"Let it go, dude." Malik said. He still didn't speak to me. Stephen made sure I was ok and offered to walk with me to Step.

Actually, it was the three of us, me Stephen and Brian. Stephen didn't mention the locker room so I didn't either but Brian seemed to know something was up. "Are you sure you're ok?" He asked one more time before the team got started.

"Yes! God! Stop it!"

"OK! Jeez! You just still seem, I don't know, off. I just want to make sure you're ok."

Could he be more loving, more caring, more… "Arrgh!" I rolled my eyes and walked over to Coach Watson. It took a few more minutes but we got everyone in place and started drilling. I still didn't like the way a couple people lined up and I made some changes to the back row. And JC got knocked in the head with one of the JROTC's guy's flags - what he gets for zigging when he was supposed to zag. He wasn't hurt just embarrassed. We worked later than usual but it was worth it. They looked good when we were done.

Coach Watson blew his whistle. "People listen up! We meet here, tomorrow, in uniform - those who can get dressed," there were some chuckles in the group. "8:30. AM. .Not PM. Not 9. Not 'I'm on CPT, Coach!' What time?"

"8:30am!" We all dutifully yelled back.

"Alright. Go home. I want you all in bed tonight early, sober and alone! Don't make me call yo mammas! What time?"

"8:30am!"

"Say it again."

"8:30am!"

"Alright. Go on! Shay-Shay, I need a minute."

Behind me, both Michelle and Brian moved with me and I saw the look she gave him. Either he didn't see it or he didn't know what it meant. Mentally, I swore a bit then turned my attention back to the coach.

"Alright, Shay, I need you here tomorrow at 8 so we can go over any last minute details. And here. I've checked, you can wear it tomorrow." He handed me a baseball cap in the school colors. On the front was the school logo; over that it said "Drill Team Student Coach".

"Cool!" Brian cheered over my shoulder.

"Plus," Coach Watson went on, "there's a rumor going around that some students are going to be asked to join the school board on the podium so…. I don't know who, of course, but, well, why don't you just plan to be at the event all day."

"Go on, girl!" Michelle hugged me.

The Coach smiled. "Go on; I got paper work. Michelle, I will leave you here if you are not here by what time?"

"Damn!" She laughed. "8:30am. I heard you!" She tugged my hand. "Ride the bus with me tonight."

I looked at her funny. "Why are you on the bus?"

She rolled her eyes. "Dad put my car in the shop and mom won't let me take hers. I've got to go home and get Dad's old Lexis!"

Tsk! "Oh poor baby!"

She laughed. "I know; I'm so spoiled! Please! Ride the bus! I'll be your best friend."

"I can drop you off." Brian offered.

Michelle's eyes flicked to me briefly before flicking back to Brian. "Thanks. It's cool. We always hang on Fridays."

"Oh, that cool." He said cheerfully.

"We" she said with emphasis, "hang."

It took a second but Brian suddenly realized that she was not inviting him. "Oh! Uh, yeah. I can drop you both off. I just - I mean, we have - we should, well I should…."

"Brian!" I cut him off before he got too wound up. "What?"

"I can't go home yet. I kinda left my keys at your place."

"Why did you leave your keys at Shay-Shay's?" Michelle was never one for subtle.

"Well, I mean, I left all my stuff…" He caught her look this time and cut to the chase. "I stayed over at her place last night." He caught my look and stopped up there. "It's cool. I'll call Lonnie; I can hang out at his place until the Redmonds get home."

It was my fault he couldn't go home. I gave Michelle a squeeze. "It's all good. He can get his stuff and I can show you the stuff Ms. Redmond bought me."

She pretended to think for a minute. "Hmmm. Ok. Deal."

We made our way to the naked lockers and I saw her notice not only Brian and my nearly matching outfits but the careful way he helped me dress. Twice, I know he would have kissed me if she weren't there. I'm sure she caught that too. The ride to my place was quiet.

We went upstairs, Michelle lagged back. When he went into my room to get his things, her eyebrows practically arched off her head. It took him a minute to gather all of his things. I didn't bother showing Michelle any of the new dresses, I just grabbed one and went in the bathroom to put it on. When I came out, Brian was gone but Michelle had her arms crossed and her jaws tight.

"So?"

"So what?" I tried to play innocent but she wasn't buying it. "He stayed the night. His parents had a fit because he went to this thing last night."

"And that's why he found his socks in your bed?" I didn't comment. "You threw over Malik for some tiny little white boy?" I almost corrected her but knew, with Michelle, that would be a mistake.

My brain split. First, I didn't throw Malik over for anybody - Malik would have had to ask me out at least for that to be true and he hasn't. In fact, he's never even implied that we were ever more than just friends and not even close friends. Second, Brian's not that tiny. In fact, he's pretty well built in all areas. "Please, girl! Malik has never looked at me twice!"

"Um, news flash: Malik been trying to get with you since the day he meet you."

"Nah-uh."

"Yeah-uh."

"Seriously?" She gave me a look. "Seriously!"

"Girl, please!"

Tsk! "Why didn't you say nothing?"

"About what? Blind people can see it! I thought you just weren't interested." She frowned. "I didn't know you liked white meat."

"I don't!" I said reflexively. But then, after a minute. "Not really. I'm just confused right now."

"You've been around these people too long." She said. Michelle was a firm believer in 'separate but equal' - she really had asked her parents about fostering me but they said no. Michelle had been really upset about it but I wasn't; I had expected then to say no. "We need to find you a real family." She said that a lot.

"They want to adopt me." I told her quietly.

"Oh no! What did you tell them?"

I shrugged. "What do you think the odds of social services finding me some place else are?"

She nodded and shrugged. "Well, at least they got money."

"Seriously." But actually, that wasn't Mr. or Mrs. Redmond's best quality which was actually a nice thing to realize.

"So what about him?" she tilted her head toward the staircase.

"He's just…you know…he's not…look, I'm just…."

"God damn, girl! You even sound like him! Tell me you did not give it up to him!"

"Not yet." Why the hell did I say that?

"Yet?" she stared at me. "Yet? No. Oh hell no! Girl, we got to get you out of this house and get some color back into your world!"

"Michelle -"

"Nah, I'm threw!" She grabbed her purse. "Bryant and Stephen are meeting us a Georgetown Park anyway. We gonna hook you up and get this white boy out of your system. We just need to find you a fine dark brother and remind you what a man is!"

She was almost comic - not that she meant to be. She meant to show me how worried she was about me. I let myself be persuaded. "I'm going to find a man like this?"

"Please! My Aunt's keeping Lane Bryant in business, she got a new man weekly!"

I grabbed my purse and we went downstairs. Brian was waiting in the living room, patiently, sadly.

"You ready?" He tried to sound upbeat but I could actually see the hurt look in his eyes.

"Yeah. You know where 16th and Georgia Avenue meet?" She asked him. He did. He actually knew a lot more of the city than I would have expected. Then again, Michelle lived in a neighborhood known as the Gold Coast so Brian might know people in the area. Before I moved in with the Redmonds, I didn't know the city had houses this big or with this much land around them!

He dropped us at her house and started to pull off then stopped and got out of the car. From his wallet, he gave me a business card. "Here."

I glanced at it. It had his name, address and phone numbers. "What's this for?"

"So you can call me. Give me your number too."

"Why would I need to call you?"

"If you need a lift home or if you just want to call. I don't know! Just…I just thought…you know." His eyes darted to Michelle and back to me. "Please?"

If he calls me, I will never hear the end of it. But - honestly - I wanted him to call. Honestly, I didn't want to spend Friday hanging out with Michelle again. He glanced at Michelle and resisted kissing me again. I found myself digging for my cell. I pulled it out, turned it on and dialed his number. When it rang, he grabbed it and smiled. I hate that smile. I hate it so much I can't breathe when I see it! God, please, make him stop smiling.

"Shay-Shay, come on!" Michelle whined and I tried to look casual and unaffected.

"Bye." I said sharply and caught up to Michelle without looking back.

"What was all that?"

"Oh." Tsk. "He just needed my number because we have this scene in Drama class on Monday." She accepted that without comment.

Her parents weren't home but then they rarely were. She spent about a half hour on the phone with her Mom while she changed clothes, we made a snack and she got permission to be out past her regular curfew. Her Dad's old Lexus was expensive and big and we had to park in the underground garage because you can't park an ocean liner sized car in Georgetown anymore.

The mall used to be the rich trendy place to hang but most of the restaurants had closed so now it was a rich trendy place to met and to shop but after Michelle burned a hole in her Daddy's cards, we hung out down at the park across from the movie theatre. Mr. Redmond had given me a debit card and Ms. Redmond kept telling me that it was ok to use it but I didn't like spending anything I was afraid I might have to pay back. Bryant and Stephen had brought Malik with them. It was excessively awkward - especially knowing that at one time, he liked me 'like that'. We ran into Mark and Claire McBride. Claire kept her mouth in check and I didn't want to start a fight so that was actually ok. The bunch of us pretty much just roamed up and down Wisconsin Avenue doing nothing for a couple hours.

Around 7pm, my phone rang. Michelle gave me an odd look but didn't say anything. I missed the call fishing around for the phone but hit callback and he picked up on the first ring.

"TyShala?" Brian's sounded stressed and it had an immediate - and undeniable - effect on me.

I stepped into the nearest doorway to hopefully get out of the crush of foot traffic. "What's wrong?"

"Hey. Where are you?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Where are you?"

I looked at the store awning. "Five Guys. Why, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Can you wait there, like, twenty minutes?"

We hadn't eaten yet anyway. It wasn't one of our usual places but then nothing was usual this week. "Yeah." I still wasn't sure why I was saying yes or why I was so worried just because his voice sounded stressed.

"Ok. See you soon." He hung up.

The group was waiting for me. "Who was that?" Michelle asked.

I ignored the question. "I want to eat here." I said, pulling the door handle.

"Here?" Michelle looked at it like it was covered in filth. "What, are you having cravings?"

"Yeah." I hadn't even thought of that but it worked; no one else questioned, we just all filed in.

It was almost 20 minutes before we all had food and were settled at a couple tables pushed together and the over-size, sloppy cheeseburger and fries really were exactly what I had a taste for. Brian arrived just as we were all taking our first bites.

"Hey." He greeted us breathlessly. "TyShala, can I see you for a minute?"

Luckily, I had taken the seat on the end. We stepped outside which was sure to generate a few questions. And I wasn't expecting him to just stand there and hug me.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked, pushing him away.

He sighed deeply. "My Mom. She and I had it out."

"Over me?"

"Not just you. I'm tired of her telling me what to do. At some point, she's got to let me make my own choices. Starting with who I date." He half smiled at me. "I get to pick that." He sighed again. "But, I'm kind of homeless again tonight. I can't get a hold of Lonnie or Artie. So I thought I'd come see what you were doing."

He'd rather be put out by his mom than give up me. My knees almost gave out. Oh God! Instead of giving in, however, I turned around and headed back to the door. "Come on, you might as well join us."

He didn't comment, just followed me in and pulled up a chair. He and Stephen were friendly; he and Malik were less so.

"Yo, dude, what happened in gym?" Mark laughed.

"What?" Brian looked around the table but Stephen laughed and Malik scowled. "What did I miss?"

"I thought you were watching her back?"

Stephen waved it off. "That punk assed bitch Paul. Tried to touch Shay-Shay."

"He what?" The temperature at the table dropped about ten degrees.

"Aw, I'm just messing with you!" Mark laughed it off. "We took the little bitch down."

"He's a little creep." Claire commented. "Just because his Dad's an under secretary or something he thinks he can get whatever he wants."

"Please!" Michelle scoffed. "If his Dad makes the Post again, he'll be the ex-under secretary."

"OMG!" Claire laughed with her. "What a loser!"

"Hey, like father, like son, right?" The table had a good laugh and didn't seem to notice Brian and I staring at each other. I know he wanted to ask if I was ok and I tried to convey that I was. I don't know if I did but he eventually got up and got a soda.

We just hung out. No one had anything pressing to do so we wandered up and down the street. Occasionally, I could see what was really going on even if I didn't hear all the conversations. Michelle asked me why Brian showed up. Stephen and Brian talked. Bryant and Michelle talked. Malik and Mark talked. Brian didn't say much to me, didn't hold my hand, didn't put his arm around me. But he wanted to; I could feel it the whole time.

Around 9pm, we were back at the Mall. Most of the stores were still open. Mark and Claire left promising to maybe show up for the event Saturday. Stephen left as well.

"What time do you need to be home, TyShala?" Brian asked.

"Why you keep calling me that?" I never realized how formal my name was.

He shrugged. "It's your name."

"Call me Shay-Shay. Everybody else does."

"No." Everyone looked him.

"Excuse me?"

"No." He shrugged. "I'm not everybody else."

"Who do you think…" Michelle started and I could hear her getting ready to go full force on him but Bryant interceded and pulled her aside.

Malik looked at me. Cold, hard, dark. But this time, Brian caught it.

"That isn't him, is it?" he asked.

"Isn't who?" I asked, not at all sure I wanted to be in this conversation.

"The father."

Malik didn't look even remotely like Terrance. I didn't even know Malik back then.

"What if I am?" Malik asked, stepping up.

Tell me they are not going to fight over this. Malik will break Brian in half.

Apparently, Brian didn't know or didn't care that Malik had him by a good 100 pounds because he didn't back down. "Then I'm glad she told you and I hope you're going to do the right thing." He said it like he was hoping Malik wanted to start something.

Instead, Malik looked at me with even more disgust. "You don't even know who the father is?"

"Hey, leave her alone. She's had it rough enough."

"Stay out of this."

"Fuck off."

Bryant ought to run track because he got between them damn fast. "YO BIG MAN! CHILL! No need to waste him here." He pulled Brian aside roughly and said something to him out of my earshot. Suddenly, I say Brian's body language change - still tense but like it was a different issue. Bryant clapped Brian on the shoulder and then told Michelle to take me home.

Yeah, that was probably a good idea. We didn't wait to see if any thing else happened.

We were almost back to the Redmonds - to my house - when she finally asked what I knew she'd wanted to ask since Brian showed up. "So are you two a thing now?"

"He's my partner." Was all I said.

"Yeah, ok, and partners sometimes get freaky. Is it more than that?" I didn't answer but apparently, I didn't need to. "Oh, it's like that, is it?"

"Like what?"

"Like you got it so bad you can't talk about it."

"Michelle…."

She stopped the car in front of my house. "I'll try to get used to hanging out with him. But I need my Shay-time. Deal?" I didn't mean to tear up but that was absolutely the last thing I expected from Michelle. "And that's still my God-baby!"

I threw my arms around her and actually cried. We sat there for way too long while I pulled myself together. But finally, I stopped sniffling and wiped my eyes and was going to get out of the car when a pair of headlights pulled up behind us.

Brian's.

Michelle and I exchanged a look. Then we both got out of the car. He had a jeep, and, in the warm October night, had the top down.

"I thought you were going to Lonnie's." I said cautiously.

"Lonnie's with Artie."

"So call Artie." That seemed rather obvious.

"Artie has gone to his father's place for the weekend. In Potomac." Roughly an hour away.

"And your mom…"

"I can't deal with her tonight."

"So…"

"So, I was hoping the Redmonds would let me stay here again?"

"Got to go!" Michelle said suddenly. "Bye."

She hurried to her car but I followed. "What's wrong with you?"

"Three is a crowd and I know when I am not wanted." She was grinning. "Bye." She pulled off before I had time to really respond.

There wasn't much else I could do. Mr and Mrs were home when we came in. "Tish, I swear, I'm going to start calling you if you don't call me. Honestly -" She stopped when she looked up at us. "Brian! Hello! Are you staying over again?"

"Uh…"

"No." Mr. Redmond intoned from behind a book.

"Ignore Philip." She took Brian's hand. "I told you, you can stay as long as you'd like and it's my house. Have you two eaten yet?"

"Yeah. Thanks. We should probably go to bed - sleep!" Brian glanced at Mr. Redmond. "To sleep, now. Ty has to be at school at 8."

"On a Saturday?" She asked. "Don't tell me you got detention!"

"The Drill team?" Brian asked them, shocked. "Didn't she tell you?"

"No." Mrs. Redmond frowned as Mr. put his book down. "I thought we discussed this."

"We're performing…well, the team is, not Ty. Ty choreographed the whole thing!"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mrs. Redmond was actually tickled.

I shrugged. "It's not like you have to go."

"Tish…" She started but he cut her off.

"No, Val, she's right. We don't have to go. We don't have to, Shay, we want to. So this thing starts at 8 at the school?"

"At 9:30 at National Place."

"Ah, an official event." Mr. Redmond nodded.

"Yes, sir. It the Education First Festival."

Mr. Redmond snorted. "This city! Education First! Right behind sports, liquor, and law firms." He put his hand on my chin. "If we're going to do this, we have to both try. I'll go to the what ever you tell me about but you have to tell me about it. Deal?"

I refuse to cry twice in one day. "Deal." I managed to squeak out. He kissed my forehead. "Alright. Bed. And I don't want to hear anything or see anything that would make a father worry. Clear?"

"Clear, sir." Brian responded.

He took my hand and led me upstairs.

I woke up Saturday the exact same way as I did on Friday: Brian softly kissing across my shoulders and rubbing my stomach. It was again almost two hour before I had to get up. Mr. Happy was happily snug against the crack of my butt and my bladder was again breaking the mood.

This time after our bathroom routine, he didn't sit on the edge of the bed, he just got under the covers with me again and went back to the kisses. Despite relieving himself, Mr. Happy still seemed quite happy. I understood completely how he felt - I felt like my whole body was going to burst.

But still. "Are you going to do that all day?" I asked finally.

"Would you let me?" He answered not stopping.

"I might." Does the spell last all day if you do?

"I can't anyway. Eventually, we have to get up." He didn't show any signs of stopping anytime soon, though. "I'll stop if you want me to." I didn't say anything mostly because I didn't trust myself not to ruin the moment. He didn't stop kissing. In fact, he started moving further up my neck and around my ears and his hands slid higher up my stomach - holding me just under my tits.

Someone moaned. It might have been me. It was definitely me when his hands slipped further up and held my tits gently. He pulled me - or maybe I rolled and pushed him, I'm not sure which - flat on my back and kissed my lips.

I held him there. I let him kiss me. I wanted - I needed - him to kiss me. I didn't want him to ever stop. It warm and sweet at first but our tongues seemed to lead us to more aggressive kissing. More passionate. We were both sitting up, still engaged in sloppy wet kissing, when I noticed his hand leave my nipple and tease between my legs. My fingers had been in his hair - how soft is his hair! - and I moved one hand down to his nipples to see how he liked it.

He whimpered softly. "Ty." He panted, trying to squeeze in words without releasing my mouth. "We don't have to do any thing."

"Ok." We don't have to…

"I don't want you to think…"

"Shut up, Brian." I sighed it. I would had snapped at him but that's really hard when someone's kissing you into jelly. He did shut up though. He never stopped kissing me as he leaned me back again.

Not until he began moving down my chest. He took one nipple between his lips and sucked gently. We both groaned. He began licking and sucking, alternating between the left and right. Terrance didn't do that. He played with them our first date - which did feel pretty good. But he used them as handles the night he did me. Brian was using them as instruments of torture - if he kept up what he was doing, I thought I might scream. "Do you like that?" He paused to ask a stupid question.

"Uh-huh." I managed to get out.

"Good." He whispered and went back to it. I was limp. Utterly limp. I wasn't like Friday morning when I went off like a bomb. It was slower, softer, more like a stream slowly flooding it's banks. His lips tenderly squeezed my nipple again and I shook. He took more of my tit into his mouth and I moaned while I shook. It was a few minutes before it passed but when it did, I felt just as breathless and exhausted and as good as I did when he made me cum the first time.

"Oh God!" I moaned softly. "Stop." My nipples were beginning to get a bit sore.

"Sorry." He kissed - attacked? - my mouth again and his breath had the oddest taste. I suddenly realized that it was breast milk - my milk! - and was completely torn between thinking that it was the grossest thing I'd ever tasted and that it was the most wonderful thing I'd ever tasted. The kiss didn't last to long, though. He pulled away from me, panting. Watching my face, he reached between my legs and fingered me there. I was squishy wet. He kept fingering me, watching my eyes close and then making me gasp, build and shudder through another one. This time I could feel it building, the nerves tingling, the tension growing. I couldn't breath near the end; I just kept inhaling but I couldn't let out the air. When it hit, I felt my mouth open but I could barely make a sound. I couldn't think for a few seconds.

I was reaching out for something to hold on to - or maybe just trying to regain motor control of my arm, I'm not sure which - when my hand landed on him. On it. The top was slick and I remembered what it had tasted like yesterday in the shower. I remembered how much he seemed to enjoy the two girls who relieved him. I wondered if he wanted me to relieve him. I didn't remember sitting up but I couldn't look at his face while I maneuvered to where my head was more or less in his lap. I did keep stroking him because I knew he'd liked that.

He didn't say anything. He stroked my hair lightly but he didn't say anything. Which was probably a good thing; he'd have said something like I didn't have to and I'd have said something stupid and it would have been another train wreck morning. So we both kept our mouths shut.

Well, mine wasn't shut actually.

I kept stroking him and took a good long look at his tool. I had space to wrap both hands around - which earned a groan - and could still see the tip sticking out. It was nearly purple with clear cream providing lubricant for my hands. It didn't look like the white stuff but when I stuck my tongue out and tapped it lightly, it tasted a lot like it. I took a bigger taste which earned another groan. Slowly, still not looking at his face - I couldn't stand it if he was laughing at me - I licked his whole shaft. Once the cream was cleaned away, he tasted neutral - like clean skin. I felt a little silly; I don't know what I expected it to taste like. When I got back to the top, I swirled my tongue like I would an ice cream cone.

"Oh jeeeeeeezzzzzzzz!" he moaned.

I stole a look at him. His eyes were clinched shut and his face was red. "Am I doing this right?" I couldn't help asking.

"Oh yeah." He sighed. "That feels great."

I stroked him for a minute more and wondered what I should do next. The girls at school had both put it in their mouths but I couldn't really see what they did with it. You can't actually 'blow' like that - leaving me to wonder why do they call it a blow job? But I could 'suck'. I put my mouth around the tip and sucked it. He gasped and grabbed my head. I let go immediately. "Was that wrong?"

"No!" He gasped. "No, that was good. Just…intense. Maybe not so hard. Uh, have you…ever…" I shook my head. "You don't have to…."

I sucked him again just to shut him up. He gasped and let me do what I was doing. It took a few minutes of trying things but I finally figured out to slide my lips up and down his shaft, the wetter, the easier. "Oh jeeeezzzzz" he moaned a couple times. When I accidentally nipped him with me teeth, though, he stopped me.

"Not that!" He snapped, actually angry I think. "I hate that."

"It was an accident." I snapped back. "Damn!"

His tone softened. "Sorry. I used to know a girl who thought that was funny. Hurts like shit." I think that was the first time I'd actually heard him swear like that.

"Sorry." I started to pull away. "I wasn't trying to hurt you; I'll stop."

"What now?" several emotions ran over his face. "You don't have to…I mean, if you want…if this…Ty, please, don't…" He took a breath. "I would really appreciate it if you finished."

"If you didn't like it…"

"Oh believe me, except for the teeth, I loved it!"

"You're sure?" I leaned my face back down but he caught it and kissed me.

"I'm sure." He said intently. He hesitated a moment. "You could go faster, if you wanted to."

He looked a little pensive and I realized he wanted me to go faster but didn't want to hurt my feeling by correcting me. I couldn't help smirking. "If you want to go faster, then say so. Otherwise, I go how I go."

He smirked back - no blush! "Go faster." He said simply.

I bent back to the task at hand. I started stroking faster first. "Like this?"

"Oh! Yeah! Jeeeeeezzzzzzz! Oh Ty!"

It took a little while to get my hand and mouth moving in the same rhythm. When I got off tempo, I hit myself in the mouth. Not fun. After a couple tries, I stopped and just used my hand as fast as I could. I think Brian had stopped paying attention to my technique, though. His eyes were clinched shut again and he was making that face again like he did on Friday. After another couple of minutes, he gasped.

"Don't stop! Ty! I'm - I'm - I'm -" I suddenly realized what was about to happen, quickly put my mouth over the tip like the other girls did and sucked again. "JESUS CHRIST!" He bellowed and shot out about a gallon of his stuff into my mouth.

I was shocked - what did I expect to happen, really! - and swallowed reflexively. It didn't taste bad but it had a sort of slimly consistency. Brian's hands were on the back of my head and his thing was still in my mouth but beginning to soften.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next but Brian answered that by moving so that he was almost on top of me and kissing me deeply. Really, really hard. He was panting and sweaty and he's eyes were really really shiny when he looked at me. "That was amazing, Ty." He whispered finally. "Thank you." I could feel my cheeks burning.

There was a soft tap on my door and then it opened a crack. "Hello?" Mrs. Redmond's voice was very soft and very amused. "If you two are awake, I'm making breakfast. If you're hungry - for food." She didn't move to where she could look in as I scrambled to pull the sheet up over me.

"Uh, thanks." I said. This isn't at all embarrassing.

"You're welcome, Tish. Good morning Brian."

His voice cracked. "Uh, good morning, Mrs. uh, Redmond, ma'am."

"See you two down stairs. Take your time." If she giggled, she did it after she closed the door.

Brian fell back on the bed. "Oh man, I'm glad she wasn't five minutes earlier."

"Loud as you were, that's probably how she knew we were up." I couldn't help cracking.

He sat up. "You think your Dad heard?"

"I think your Dad heard."

He did blush this time. "Well, it was your fault. Sucking like that was…wow…intense!"

"Oh. Sorry."

He looked at me and smiled. Not his normal beaming sunlight smile; something darker but still warm. "Next time, it'll be you making all the noise." He leaned back over me. "You are entirely too quiet." He kissed me again. "In bed. You're all loud and mean in school and quiet and sweet in bed."

"Is that a problem?" I was trying to sound sharp but it came out breathless.

He didn't answer, he just kissed me again. Neither of us was trying to move so it's probably a good thing that the alarm clock went off. We grinned at each other and got up - showered separately - and got dressed.

Down in the kitchen, Mr. Redmond had a cup of coffee and the morning paper between him and a plate of eggs and bacon.

"There you two are! I was beginning wonder." Mrs. Redmond exclaimed. She started pulling out two more plates. "Sit! Sit! I think I got the eggs just right today." She went off on a tangent about how good her cooking has gotten ever since I moved in while she served us two plates and got my vitamins. "So. Now. What are we seeing today?"

I shrugged. "Some thing. We just come out, do our routine, and that's it."

"The Education First Festival," Mr. Redmond began reading aloud, "is bringing students from all quadrants of the city together to showcase the educational, athletic and extra circular talents of our youth." He looked over the corner of the paper. "There is also supposed to be a to-do about The Program and it's participants. I guess you two are supposed to be appropriately 'dressed' for it?"

Kill me now, please! "Uh, yes, sir." Brian said.

"Great." He flipped the paper up again. "I'll have to bring the camera."

"Philip Joseph Redmond, stop teasing them!" Mrs. smacked his wrist and a squelched chuckle came from behind the paper. "He won't take any photos you don't want taken. Will you, Philip?"

"Relax, Val."

Breakfast went like that mostly. Just as we were finishing, Brian's cell rang and he frowned at the number. "Excuse me." He mumbled and stepped into the hallway. The rest of us looked at each other and then tried to pretend we didn't know that it must be his parents. I know I felt much better when, as he came back into the kitchen, he said, "I love you too." He looked at us as he put the phone away. "They're coming today. We're gonna talk afterwards."

"Good." Mrs. perked right up. "Alright, now. I have just enough time to go get dressed. Philip, be a dear and do the dishes." She kissed his cheek and hurried out of the room.

"As I recall," Mr. folded the paper, "dishes are your chore." He kissed my cheek. "Better hop to it. You don't want to be late." He slipped out of the kitchen chuckling.

"So I'm just free labor?" I called after him.

"Looks like." He shot back.

Brian helped me fill the dishwasher and wipe the counters. Mostly we stood in the kitchen kissing. Somehow, Brian did manage to keep an eye on the time and we got out of the house in time to get to the school by 8. We stripped quickly - no helping each other this time - and I put on my hat.

Coach Watson and Lt. Lipton were arguing. They stopped as soon as we got close. "Just the two we need." The Coach fumed. "We have a small dilemma, Shay-Shay."

"What?"

"Him." He pointed to Brian.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's in the Program."

"So?"

"He's also JROTC."

"He's my ranking Cadet." The Lt. pointed out.

"So?"

"So, I can't Drill with the squad out of uniform, can I Sir?" Brian must have hit it because the Lt. shook his head and the Coach sighed.

"Problem is, we don't have anyone to replace you in the line."

Brian laughed. "No problem. I'll get my uniform - I left it in the car." He jogged back.

"But what about the program?" The coached yelled.

"He's got to do it next week since he missed class anyway. What can they do give him another week on top of that?"

The Coach and the Lt. exchanged a look then the officer shrugged. "Solves my problem." In the distance, I could see Brian, arms loaded, dashing for the locker rooms. There weren't any other last minute issues so I spent the rest of the time waiting for everyone else to show up.

Michelle arrived at 8:35.

"That's the closest to on time I've seen you in three years." The Coach teased.

We ran through the routine a couple more times before loading the bus and heading downtown. Freedom Plaza is a city-block size slab of marble set in the middle of Penn Avenue between the District Government Office building and the National Theatre. In the middle of summer, it's a perfect place to cook a thousand people during one of the city's lame attempts at a festival. In October, it's only a little less so. The whole street was blocked off for four blocks and lots of tents were set up for student groups and book publishers and anyone else who wanted to show their support for education. Around 9am, the mayor began making speeches and shortly thereafter, Cardoza's band marched out. No wonder they win best band every year! They rocked! After them, a choir came out. Then a drum core. Then who knows; I stopped paying attention until they called us. I took one more look at our group.

We looked good. The JROTC guys - all six of them - were spit shined. They looked like serious military and they started their slow steady cadence to bring us all in. The Step team didn't look as military, but we didn't look as cheerleader as the Dance line. First off, we wore pants, not those stupid tights. And our shirts had lapels. It did look a bit 80's but it was a school traditional thing. We stepped in behind the Drill Team and I broke away as quickly as I could to take point. I did hear a couple gasps as people realized that I was naked or prego or both. There had been a couple other naked people (and by the end of the day, two other prego girls) so I tried to concentrate on the line and not the people behind me getting the worst view of their lives!

The music started and I really wished I was in the line not watching. JC got his head down, this time. Michelle was on fire. Brian was…hot. It seemed like the whole thing took too little time but when the music stopped and the team froze, the crowd went wild.

Then MermaidMan - who else? - started chanting and the others picked it up. "Shay Shay Shay…" Until I came over to the group. The crowd cheered again. I wanted to laugh and cry and die of embarrassment all at the same time. Finally, we cleared the space for the next group.

Coach Watson had a hug for everyone and everyone's parents were waiting with him. Even Mr. and Mrs. Loving. Even the Redmonds. She gave me a big hug and gushed. "I got the whole thing on tape! That was amazing. And you did it! Mr. Watson told us the whole thing was your idea! I've never been so proud in my whole life!"

"Val! Let the girl breath." But Mr. was grinning at me. "You done good, kid."

I bit my lip and then kissed his cheek. "Thanks. Dad." I thought I'd try it out. It was ok. He grinned even wider.

Brian came over and took my hand. "Can we talk for a minute?" He pulled me away from everyone, behind one of the catering trucks and then kissed me until I was breathless. "If I told you how bad I want to go back to your room," he panted, "you'd never believe me."

"Uh…" was all I managed to get out.

"I got to talk to my folk tonight but is it ok if I come back to your place tonight? Please?" How could I say no to that face? He beamed at me again. "They might notice we're missing by now. Ready to go back?"

I was ready to follow him anywhere.

Around 12:30 the obligatory rain storm passed through. We - and about a million other people - fled for the various stores and hotels near by. The Willard, where Brian, Michelle and I wound up had their AC on full blast, so Brian put his jacket around me. Michelle teased us about being so cute together. I was wet, I was cold and he was a gentleman. I didn't think any more about it.

Not until later, around 3pm as they were finally finishing the event, and they introduced Carl Bethsman, the National Head of the Naked in School Program. He asked all Program Participants to join him on the stage. Brian and I were at the foot of the steps when someone asked "should you be wearing that?" I gave Brian his jacket back and he chuckled for a minute and decided to bow out. "I have to repeat next week anyway so I'm basically out of the Program."

Mr. Bethsman gave me a long stern look before giving his speech about how The Program has improved students and schools and blah, blah, blah. He had each of us introduce our schools and ourselves and then let us leave the stage.

But, as soon as I stepped down, a woman approached me. "TyShala Brown? This way please." She led me back over to a tent labeled 'No Admittance'. Ms. Wagner and Ms. Scott were waiting. Ms. Scott looked pissed but Ms. Wagner just looked tired.

"Where are the Redmonds?" Ms. Scott asked.

"We're still trying to find them." The woman answered. In the distance, we could hear applause and the final band playing. I could just make out Mrs. Redmond's voice getting closer. They entered the tent and she immediately began to fuss about their treatment. Mr. Redmond asked if I was alright and then just waited. Finally, the door opened and Mr. Bethsman entered.

"Good afternoon. I'm sorry to do this now but that was unprecedented."

"Carl, there is no need to do this …" Ms. Wagner started but he cut her off.

"I would have never expected to see this from a student under your guidance, Karen, I really wouldn't."

"What exactly is going on here?" Mr. Redmond asked. His voice had that same intense, irritated edge it had in the office on Monday.

"Who are you?"

"Philip Redmond. I'm TyShala's…guardian."

"I'm her Foster-mother." Ms. Redmond pushed forward. "And I want to know what's going on."

"Let's calm down a bit, shall we?" Ms. Scott seemed to have reigned in her own temper. "This is not a life and death crisis here. It is a student who made an error."

"A blatant violation of Program policy." Mr. Bethsman countered.

"A simple mistake." Ms. Scott repeated. There was a moment of tense silence. "Ms. Brown, why were you wearing a jacket this afternoon?"

"I was cold." I shrugged. "I got wet when it rained and we went to the Willard and it was cold. Brian gave me his jacket."

"You should have returned it as soon as you left that building." Mr. Bethsman snapped.

"She was prudent not to risk getting sick." Mr. Redmond's voice was not loud but it carried. "Or did you not notice that she has other health considerations."

"If her pregnancy was a concern, then she shouldn't be in the program at this time."

"And if anyone had known about her pregnancy, she wouldn't have been."

Bethsman arched an eyebrow. "And just how does a student hide such a thing?"

"By being new to the school and actively deceiving us. Don't make this any more difficult on her than it has been."

"She didn't even have the sense not to join the other Program students!" Bethsman groused. "At least then, no one would have known. But to undress at the podium! Program Failure!" He gestured as if a caption were under the mental picture.

"So what's the big deal?" Mrs. Redmond huffed. "She was dressed for five minutes. So what?"

"It's a violation of the Program rules."

"So what? Honestly!"

"Well, if this had happened privately, frankly, we'd dismiss it out of hand." Ms. Scott looked directly at Mr. Bethsman. "And if we were on school grounds, I think we'd add an additional day -"

"Or two." Ms. Wagner interjected.

"-or two to the student's program week." She looked at the Redmonds. "We have to make sure that the student body knows that the Program is required and enforced."

Mr. Redmond seemed to get where this was going. "So what do you do when the infraction is in front of the whole city?"

The room was silent again while we all pondered that question.

Finally, Ms. Scott sighed deeply. "We'll add another few days."

"Oh let's be reasonable!" Mrs. Redmond protested.

"A few days! She'll be on the six-o'clock news!" Bethsman sputtered.

"You're exaggerating, Carl."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Karen, but she assuredly will be. Two local reporters have already asked me if I was aware of the situation. I'm surprised they haven't interviewed the little protester herself."

"Protester!"

"Yes, it seems that some have taken her little error as a public protest against the Program itself."

"Tishshalla?" Ms. Wagner looked stunned. "Are you protesting the Program?"

"Would you be surprised if she did?" Mr. Redmond asked. "Are you saying she doesn't have a reason to protest this…this…denigration?"

"TyShala, why didn't you come to me if you had concerns?" Ms. Scott asked me.

They all looked at me waiting for an answer. "Protest? I was cold. I forgot I was wearing it. I don't see why it's such a big deal!"

Bethsman pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is not the sort of issue The Program needs right now."

"Then let's not let it get out of hand, Carl."

"Karen -" he sighed deeply. "What do you propose, exactly?"

Ms. Wagner and Ms. Scott exchanged a look. "Let us handle it; she is our student, after all."

"And I suppose you'll handle the media as well?"

"I'll handle the media." Mrs. Redmond spoke up. "How are you planning to 'handle' Tish?"

"Well, she goes into the Program again next week." Ms. Wagner put up her hand to forestall any arguments. "Not the whole week, but until she actively participates."

"And who determines that?"

"She will be monitored by the faculty and her partner just as she was this week."

"The week that failed."

"Not failed, Carl. Some kids have different needs."

He nodded. "I know, I know. I'm just really tired." He rubbed his face. "OK. Ms. Brown, you can assure me that you are not trying to launch some kind of protest?"

"Yeah." I shrugged.

"Are you going to accept the decision to repeat the program?"

I really didn't want to do the Program again. Last week had been miserable. I couldn't imagine another week being any better.

"Of course," Ms. Scott seemed to be looking away from us, "students with parental support usually do better than those without."

"What does that mean?" Mr. Redmond snapped.

"That means that what makes the Program work is parents who talk to their children about their experience during the week. Some even share the experience by doing Outreach as well."

"We talked." But he looked at me just a little unsure.

"Really?" Ms. Scott pursed her lips. "So TyShala told you that her Lit class was reading The Scarlet Letter this week?"

"No." He shrugged. "Is that significant?"

"I don't know, Mr. Redmond. Should reading about an unwed mother while pregnant and naked in class be significant?"

He nodded and sighed. "Ok. Yeah, I get your point."

"And there was the scene Monday in Drama, not to mention Karen's biology classes all week."

"You've made your point! Val and I need to step up; we're bad parents. Thanks."

"Not bad, Mr. Redmond, just inexperienced. Next week would give you all a second chance - if Miss Brown agrees, of course."

I suddenly realized that they were all staring at me, waiting for a decision. Finally, Mr. Redmond got up and pulled me aside.

"Ok, straight up, TyShala," He asked quietly, "if you don't want to do this, tell me."

I glanced back at Ms. Wagner. "It's not like anybody wants to see me naked."

He chuckled and then realized that I was serious. "Why not?"

"Cause I'm fat and pregnant?"

He looked at me for a moment. "Shay-shay, you're a beautiful young lady. Look, I don't know what happened last week, and we can talk about it - if you want. I don't want to pry. I know you don't like to get in to a lot of personal details. But I - we - want to do this right. So if you're willing to try this again, I'll - I'll - I'll" he looked away and actually blushed, "I'll try this outreach thing."

"Really?" Mr. Redmond was not the type who did crazy things. "I thought you didn't like this thing." He was certainly against the sex part.

He shrugged. "I'm not thrilled with the idea of teens walking around in public naked. And I'm not happy with the idea of you having sex with every guy in school." I snorted at that. "Shay, I don't know what you think is going on, but I've been watching these guys all day. Trust me, they are checking you out. But, I've got to get used to that. Especially if this Brian is going to be a fixture."

"You don't see them at school; he's the only one."

He thought for a moment. "Would that help, next week? If I came to school for a day or two?"

"Naked?"

He hesitated. "Ok. Naked." He shook his head. "If you can do two weeks, I can get through a couple days. Deal?" He put out his hand.

I hadn't meant to make an offer, he just surprised me. But he had his hand out to shake on it and he was serious. He was willing to take time off from work and come to school naked with me just to make me feel a little better about the whole thing. Why would anyone do that?

I looked at the offered hand for a minute. Then I had to ask. "Why?"

He considered the question for a moment. "Because I still think I'm your father. And I'm betting you still care what I think."

That was almost as unnerving as when Brian kissed me! "Oh. OK." Numbly, I let him take my hand and give it a firm shake.

"Ok." He turned to everyone. "She'll do it. And I'll come down to the school and do a couple days of outreach for moral support. Do you think that will end your protest issues?"

"Oh don't worry about that!" Mrs. Redmond waved dismissively. "I have another issue for them to chew on. Are we done here?" Apparently, they were done. Ms. Redmond came over to me and gave me a hug and kiss. In her hand was an old envelope with some hastily scribbled notes. "Alright, Tish, sweetheart. Are you ready?"

"For what?"

"To face the press. Now, don't give me that look. You just stand beside me and look pretty. I'll do all the talking. They may have some questions after but you'll do fine with that. OK?" she smoothed my hair and studied my face for a moment.

I looked at Mr. Redmond. He was smiling at us slightly. "I guess."

"Good." She pulled a mirror out of her purse and checked her face. "Kiss for luck, dear?" Mr. kissed her cheek and then my forehead and she lead me out of the tent.

Outside, there was a small knot of people with cameras and microphones lounging and chatting. They popped to attention when we came out and several cameras flashed. I suddenly remembered that I was still naked and started to cover myself but Mrs. touched my arm softly and I held her hand. I still felt naked but it was better with her there. It took me a minute, but then I realized that several of them were calling her name and she knew many of them.

"Ok, all, now this is a little impromptu, but…"

"Is Miss Brown staging a formal protest against the Naked in School Program?"

"Are you representing an organization protesting DC's decision to require the Program?"

A few other questions were launched at us but she waved them all quiet. "Give me a moment! First, no one is protesting anything. I am not here as a representative of any group, I am here," she smiled at me and I couldn't help smiling back, "as a parent. And a very proud one."

"Something you neglected to tell the Style Section, Valerie?" a reporter asked her and a few of them laughed.

"A new development, Jim!" She laughed back. "Allow me to introduce my…oh, I don't know what to call you yet, officially! Philip and I are currently Miss Brown's foster family, however we have applied to formally adopt her. We are waiting for a response from the District government. I just hope they don't deny our request."

"Why would they deny it? Because of her pregnancy?"

Mrs. Redmond looked shocked. "Pregnancy? Why no! That was never a factor in either her placement with us or our decision to adopt this wonderful young lady. No, some factions of Family Services have been, well…" She looked away and winked at me, "well, I hesitate to say…no, no. I'm sure there's something in our application that created the initial delay in Tish's placement with us and the subsequent reluctance that greeted our adoption request."

"Valerie, are you accusing the District of racism?"

"I'm not accusing anyone of anything. I'm just saying that I think we offer a stable home to an at risk child and I would think that the Mayor would want swift action to be taken in all cases. Of course, his office is across the street, if anyone would like to reach him for comment." She gestured to the office building across from us. "As to this nonsense about my daughter's Program participation. As you can see, she's not protesting anything."

She pulled me gently forward. "Now, we'll take a few questions but be gentle, it's her first time."

The was a little laughter and several of them started calling my name. Mrs. gave my hand a squeeze and pointed at one of them. "Jim?"

"Thanks, Val. Miss. Brown, how do you feel about being adopted by a white family?"

Which was as un-gentle as questions get.

"JIM!" Mrs. Redmond pouted a bit. "Not even the pretense of foreplay!" A few of the others snickered. "Nevermind. Phyllis?"

"No." I spoke up. If they could be nice to me, I could do one for them. "How do I feel about being adopted by a white family? The same as I feel about being adopted by a black family. I'm just glad somebody wants to adopt me." Mrs. Redmond's arm went around my shoulder.

"How does the baby's father feel about you participating in the NiS Program while pregnant?" Someone yelled out.

"If you can find him, you ask him." I quipped back.

"Are you saying you don't know who the father is?"

"No, I'm saying I don't care where he is."

"Who's going to raise the baby?"

"I am." Mrs. Redmond spoke up. "My daughter will finish school and I will retire from all my various committees and whatnot and raise my granddaughter." She paused. "But not for long. You see, I don't like the way Tish's Program week has been handled. And I don't like the way our adoption request is being handled. I don't like the way several things in this city are handled. So. After careful consideration, I have decided that I'm going to do something about that." They were all silent and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the tent flap open and a wide-eyed Mr. Redmond watching her. "I am going to run for a seat on the School Board next year."

"Isn't it a bit early to announce your candidacy?"

"A bit. But nevertheless, I am announcing it and I assure you that my child and my grandchild are going to have very different experiences in this City's schools. Now. No, Gerry, stop. It's well past lunch and I'm sure you all have enough to fill out your bylines today! Say goodbye to the nice people, Tish."

"Bye." I waved as she turned my back toward the tent. All of what just happened hit me from left field and judging by the looks around us, I wasn't the only one. We all waited in near silence as the press core finally left. Then, awkwardly, Ms. Scott and Ms. Wagner left.

"Can you get dressed yet?" Mr. Redmond asked.

"My clothes are in Brian's car." I said softly. He had that hard, angry look again but I knew it wasn't directed at me this time.

"Ok. Let's go. Val?"

The drive home was strained. I went straight to my room. A few minutes later, I heard the yelling. I stayed in my room, with my headphones on and my stereo volume cranked up. If they get a divorce, they definitely won't want to adopt me.

I couple hours later, my door opened. I was actually doing homework by then. I took off the headphones and caught Mrs. Redmond in mid-sentence.

"…downstairs! Good Lord, child! How loud is that? Oh, that can't be good for your ears. Did you hear a word of what I said?"

"No."

"Dinner is ready. We've been waiting for you downstairs."

"Did he leave?" I asked.

"Did who leave?"

Suddenly, I didn't know what to call him. I didn't know what to call her either. Mom and Dad seemed too much too soon. But Mr and Mrs Redmond didn't sound right either. "Philip." I said lamely.

"Philip? No! Why would he…oh. You've never heard us argue, have you? Oh, sweetheart." She sat on my bed and when I joined her, hugged me. "We do everything big. We live lavishly, we yell when we're mad. It doesn't mean that we love each other any less or that we're going to break up. Come on. You'll see. He was just mad that I didn't tell him what I was planning."

Downstairs, Mr. Redmond was eating dinner already. "Things ok?" he asked as we came in.

"Just fine." She said, sitting down. "She thought you might have left."

"Left?"

"Mmm-hm. That we'd argued and broken up."

He looked confused for a moment. Then chuckled. "You've never heard a real fight around here." Then he looked serious for a moment. "I get Shay-shay."

"What?" She and I said at the same time.

"If we do ever break-up. I'm claiming dibs now. I get the car, the house in the Cape and Shay. You can have the rest."

'Now, wait just a minute…"

"I called dibs."

"You can't just call dibs on child custody!"

"I just did."

"Well, you can't. And anyway, mothers always win custody cases, don't they Tish?"

"uh…yeah."

The spent the rest of dinner arguing over who would get me in the event of a divorce. They never even considered that I wasn't actually theirs yet. It was stupid. It was silly. I left to do the dishes before I cried at the table.

Who ever argued because they wanted me?

Around 9:30, the doorbell rang. I know the time because me and Mr. Redmond were in the library. I finally had time to finish Banneker's bio and he was helping me pick the next one. "Ah-ha! I knew it was in here!" He pulled a thick hardback from a top shelf. "It's three volumes in one. I'll find the other book before you finish this one, I'm sure." I looked at the title. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou. Her picture was on the back, an older black woman shaking hands with Bill Clinton. The inside cover had a long handwritten note badly scrawled on it. 'Maya' was just barely legible at the end. "Valerie was on a committee with her just before she died. They got pretty close actually."

I didn't really have time to think about that because the library door opened and Mrs. Redmond came in. Brian was right behind her and bee-lined for me. "You were awesome!" He hugged me hard. "You were all over the news tonight!"

"What?" Mr. and I both asked.

"You two!" Mrs. laughed. "It was a press conference! Didn't either of you think to turn on the news?" She switched the library TV to the local news - it had been on the classical music cable channel. The weather report was on. "They'll re-broadcast it, I'm sure. They've shown it once an hour so far." She looked at me. "Didn't you hear Michelle's message?"

"No." I looked around and suddenly realized that there was no phone in the room. And my cell was in my bag somewhere.

"We've been busy." Mr. Redmond said mildly.

"Local Activist and Fundraiser Valerie Redmond announced that she will be running for DC's School Board in next year's election." The newscaster suddenly announced. They talked about her and my adoption and played some clips from the interviews. It was surreal. And then it hit me.

They were really going to adopt me. They said it on the news and everything. I felt just a little light headed.

Then I was sitting in one of the plush leather chairs with Mr, Mrs and Brian hovering over me. "Give her some air!" Mr was saying. "Shay-shay? Say something, honey."

"I'm …. What happened?"

"You just fell. If Brian hadn't been holding you, you would have hit the floor."

"Was it too tight? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hold you too tight." Brian sounded panicked.

I still felt a little float-y. "No, it wasn't too tight. I…" I looked at the Redmonds. "You really mean it."

She looked worried but he got it immediately and smiled. He kissed my forehead. "Yeah, Shay, we do."

"I don't know what you two are talking about, young lady, but we're taking you to emergency services right now!"

"Val…"

"Don't Val me, Philip! Right now."

He talked her out of taking me to a hospital in favor of putting me to bed early.

"Alright; on one condition. Brian, you stay and look after her."

"What?"

"Sure! I'll call my Dad."

Mr. Redmond helped me up to my room. "He doesn't have to stay if you don't want him too."

"I know." But in truth, the moment I saw him my hormones switched on. I didn't like admitting it but I was all kinds of hot and bothered.

"And even if he stays, you don't need to feel pressured to let him stay in here with you."

"I know."

"Or let him do anything."

"I know."

"And if he gets out of hand, I'll break him in half."

Just like he was my real Dad. "I know." I hesitated. "Um. It feels funny to call you, y'know, Dad. But…I, y'know, can I call you something else?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Pop or something. Dad just seems…I've never had a Dad before."

"That's fair; I've never been a Dad before."

"Are you really going to go to school with me naked next week?"

"Tuesday morning."

"Tuesday?"

"I've got to go to the office Monday and clear my schedule. Then, naked old man."

"You're not that old."

"I'm too old to be running around naked!"

"Val says you're kinda cute."

"Val says a lot of stuff she shouldn't. How come she get to be Val but I can't be Phil?"

I shrugged. "You don't look like a Phil."

"So what do I look like?"

I studied him for a minute. The truth was he looked a little like Clint Eastwood in that bridge movie but I could remember the name of it. "I don't know." I grinned. "Gramps."

"Gramps? Gramps. Great. I get to be granddad without ever being dad." He stood up as he gave my leg a light squeeze. "Gramps?"

"Yeah…maybe." I bit my lip. "I don't know yet." But even as he tried to look annoyed, I could see he sort of liked it. "Night. Gramps."

He rolled his eyes. "Good night." He leaned back down and kissed my forehead again. "Get some sleep. You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah. I don't feel light headed anymore."

"It was a long day. Probably just caught up with you."

"Yeah. Probably."

There was a tap on my door. "Is this private time or my we intrude?" Mrs. peered in.

"Come on in, Grammy. I was just leaving."

"Grammy? Hardly! You may be old but I most definitely am not in the grandparent set." She smiled at me. "Well, not yet. And how are you now? Feeling better, sweetheart?"

'Yeah." I could see Brian leaning against the doorframe looking worried. "I think was just a long day."

"My poor baby. Ok. You get some rest and we'll see you in the morning. OK?"

"Ok. Thanks."

"Thank you." She kissed my cheek. As she got up, she looked at Brian. He blushed and nodded and apparently satisfied, she left pulling Mr with her.

Brian looked at me and smiled shyly. "Hey."

I bit my lip trying not to smile back. "Hey." All I could think was of how good it felt when he kissed me.

"You're ok now?"

"Uh-huh." I waited a minute but he didn't seem to want to move from the doorframe. "How'd it go with your Mom?"

He shrugged. "We'll get through it."

"Oh. I'm sorry." I still didn't move. "Brian…you don't have to stand there."

"Your m- uh, Mrs. Redmond said not to upset you."

"You won't upset me."

"Ok." He came over a sat on the foot of the bed. We looked at each other.

My heart was pounding. Why won't he kiss me now? All week, I couldn't get him to back off! Now I can't get him near me! Why is he just sitting there? Why doesn't he move?

So I moved. I leaned forward and put my arms around him. I pushed my lips against his. First he jumped, surprised. Then he moaned and slipped his arms around me. His lips parted slightly and our tongues met. They twisted around each other and I explored his teeth and the rest of his mouth while he explored mine. His hands caressed up and down my back. My fingers stayed firmly in that soft hair of his. I don't know how long we stayed like that. Forever.

Finally, breathlessly, we pulled apart. "If you're tired," he panted, "I can go." He rubbed his face against my neck. "I don't want…oh God…if you're tired…"

"I'm not tired." I whispered. His lips on my shoulders felt so good but I wanted them lower. I started lifting my tee shirt. Once he figured out what I was doing, he practically yanked it off me. I wasn't wearing a bra and my over-ripe breasts felt like they would burst if he didn't touch them soon.

"Oh jeez! I just wanna…can I…Oh God!" He stopped asking stupid questions and wrapped his lips around one nipple and his hands around the other. It felt too good. I found myself holding his head against my breasts, loosening up only to let him switch sides. His hands were stroking my sides and my stomach and every so often tugging at the top of my sweat pants. I let him go and push the pants down my hips. I felt my panties push with them. He groaned and stopped sucking my breasts. He kissed over my stomach as he helped pull my pants off.

He wound up on the floor somehow - I couldn't quite see how - and began kissing his way up my legs. Higher and higher.

If he kisses me there, I'll die. I'll just die. He pushed my legs open and I tipped backward, overbalanced. I don't think he noticed. I felt his warm breath against my cooch first. Then the soft skin of his cheek against my inner thigh. I jumped. I was shaking like a leaf; terrified of what it was going to feel like, dying to know what it would feel like. And then his lips touched my hair lightly. I gasped even though the kiss was very light, it didn't really feel like anything. But he was down there, kissing me. I was on fire waiting for what he'd do next. He turned his head slightly and his hair brushed my thigh, causing me to whimper. He paused, and for a moment, I thought he was done which was both relieving and disappointing.

Then his fingers parted my lower lips and his tongue swiped between then. I stopped breathing. I think he groaned, I'm not sure. I know I'd never felt anything that felt so good. So sweet, so gentle, so right. Not until he did it again. And again after that and then I could keep track of what exactly he was doing except that his tongue, lips and fingers were all down there doing things and I couldn't breath or keep my hips still.

"Brian!" I finally gasped. "Stop! I'm - I'm - I'm gonna - I'm gonna…" I wasn't sure what I was gonna do but I knew it was something. Something big, like Friday. I wanted to burst and the more I held it in, the more I found my body shaking. I wanted to scream but I could barely whisper. My whole body was beginning to clinch, my heart was racing. I knew what the books said about cumming but it never said anything about being like this.

And then Brian did something - I have no idea what, truly - and the bomb went off. I let go of everything - even my bladder I think - and for a few seconds, I don't know where I was or what was happening. I was all float-y again.

I came back to find Brian sliding beside me, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me softly. His face smelled strongly of…cooch.

"You have the sweetest pussy." He whispered. "Promise me you'll let me do that again."

"Oh God." was all I could moan. But it throbbed when he the p-word and I knew absolutely that I was going to let him do that again any time and any place he wanted!

And I knew something else. I'd lost. He was going to do me and I was going to let him and I was going to be hurt and upset and angry when he dumped me for the next girl. But I was going to let him do it anyway. I wanted him to do it. I was dying for him to do it. Even if I hated myself for it in the morning, I needed him to do me tonight.

"Now." I whispered.

"Now what?" he whispered back.

"Do me." He kissed my neck. "Do me, please, Brian! Please. Put it…put it in me."

His head popped up, his eyes wide. "What?"

"Please! Just do it! Just do it now!" I thought I was going to cry I wanted him so badly.

His mouth opened like he was going to say something but nothing came out. Then he kissed me. I could feel him pulling off his pants and climbing over me but he never stopped kissing me. We were sort of twisted around each other which was awkward but I was afraid that if I said something, he'd stop. He fingered me some more and rubbed his tool against my ass. He didn't need to; I was already dripping like a leaky faucet. But he went slowly anyway. He lifted my leg and moved his tool between my legs and just rubbed it against me for a while.

Which was not the same thing at all. I reached down and grabbed him - which made him yelp but he still didn't break our kiss. It was slow because I could quite figure out where he should go but suddenly I found the spot and the tip slipped into me.

We both groaned.

I wiggled my butt a bit and he slipped in even further. It felt good. It felt really good. It felt like I didn't want him to move from that spot ever. He pulled back and pushed forward again. This time I yelped.

He froze. "Sorry! Sorry! I just - I can't - did I hurt you?"

"No, no, I just didn't expect that."

"OK. Ok." He took a couple seconds and tried to catch his breath. "Tell me when you're ready."

"Just do it. I-I want to feel it."

"Yeah, but I wanna feel you. I don't wanna just fuck."

"So what do you wanna do?"

"Make love." He smiled, his voice was low but steady. "You, I want to make love to." I felt my body shiver and my cooch clinched. Brian's eyes closed and he made a face. "Oh God you're tight!"

"Oh. Sorry." I wasn't sure it that was a good thing or not.

He opened his eyes again, confused. "Are you still scared? I can stop if you don't want to…."

"Please! Just do it. Can you go in more? Is that ok?" I couldn't tell if he was enjoying it or not. I couldn't really tell if I was enjoying it. I just knew I didn't want it to stop yet.

"Yeah." He sighed. "Now?" I nodded and he pulled back then forward again. It didn't feel good it felt…right? Complete. Like some part of me had been missing and he was putting it back. He lay down behind me and slid his hands down to my hips. He kissed the back of my neck. "Ok, I'm just going to do this, ok?" Then he pulled back and forth slowly, inch by inch it seemed until his hair was tickling the back of my thighs. Then he put his arm around my stomach and held me tightly. "How do you feel?"

Amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

I wanted to tell him but all that came out was a low moan. He chuckled. "Yeah, me too. Do you want to switch?"

"Brian!" I gasped. "Stop asking me questions! Just do it!" I pushed my hips against him, pulled away some and pushed back. The simple stroke made me quiver again.

His tone changed abruptly. "Yeah, fine. Up." He pulled out all together and pulled backward on my hips. Quickly, I was on my knees and he was on his behind me. He slid in me again, this time all in one stroke and deeper than before. Then he started and now I know why they call it 'banging'. His strokes were deep but fast like he was trying to hammer a nail deep inside me. I liked it more when he was holding me except that I could feel the bomb blast building again. I gasped a couple times. I wanted to tell him not to stop but I couldn't say anything. He seemed to have the same problem; I heard him get as far as "oh jee" a few times. He actually seemed to go faster but it felt even better. I found myself leaning forward and wishing my stomach wasn't in the way - the farther forward I leaned, the deeper in me he seemed to go. Finally, he was practically snarling and ramming me into the bed. It was close to the way Terrance had been except that Brian had taken a long while to build up to it while Terrance had started and finished in just a few minutes. Like Terrance, Brian was moving hard and fast but unlike Terrance, I wanted Brian to go harder and faster.

"TY!" He finally burst out. "OH GOD TY!" And then he came. And then I came. The flood of his stuff inside me surprised me - I didn't even feel Terrance - and was so right, that I burst, panting and moaning. He nearly fell on me, pulling me on to my side. "Ty, Ty, Ty." He kissed my back. "I'm sorry. I wanted - I wanted you so bad. I couldn't stop. You felt so good."

I wanted to ask him what he was apologizing for but I don't think I got the question out.

Brian wasn’t next to me when I woke up Sunday morning. I could just barely hear his voice. “…because I don’t want to wake her. Because I want to be here when she wakes up. Look…look…Mom! Can we talk later? I won’t. I promise, I won’t. I’ll see you there. I promise. Yes, Mom. Yeah, you too.” I tried not to open my eyes visibly to see where he was but he wasn’t on the side of the room I could see without moving. I heard the phone click shut and shut my eyes tightly. I heard the bathroom door close and frowned – that’s where I was going shortly.

When I heard the shower start, I got up. “Oh hell no….” I muttered. I knocked on the door loudly. “Brian! I gotta go! Come out.”

“I’m under the water already. You come in.” He yelled back.

”Nooo! Brian, come out!” He didn’t respond so I opened the door. He was all soaped up. I stood with my legs crossed. “Briiii-aaannnn!”

“I won’t peek, I promise.” He turned his back.

It wasn’t like I really had a choice. There was no way I was going to make it to one of the other bathrooms without making an embarrassing stain. I grabbed a towel and held it in front of me as I sat down and did what I had to do.

“Ewwww!” He exclaimed.

“I told you to leave!”

“I’m kidding!” He laughed. “Just hurry up so we can shower together.”

Which was actually pretty good incentive to hurry up. Shortly thereafter, I had my cap on and stepped under the spray with him. He grinned at me and began washing me like on Friday. This time, I washed him at the same time. He took his time caressing my tits and, after giving them a good rinse, began sucking my nipples. I thought about stopping him but it felt so good. I gasped a lot. I could feel Mr. Happy rubbing against my leg and remembered what it felt like inside me. Which made me reach for his nipples since he seemed to like that almost as much as I did. We stood there, like that, until I remembered what Mr. Re – what Gramps, I should say – what Gramps had said about the hot water. It took me a minute to get Brian’s attention and when I did, he pulled away.

“Right.” He turned off the water. “This is easier in bed anyway.” He pulled me out, still dripping wet.

“Shouldn’t we dry off?” I asked as he led me back to the bed.

“I can’t wait that long.” He kissed me and suddenly, neither could I.

We did it again, this time soaking wet. He laid me on my back and lifted my hips to rest on his thighs – after he licked me again. I know he enjoyed it this time because I could see his face. That was nice. I know I enjoyed it. When he was done, he dropped heavily on the bed beside me and grinned. “Was that better? I mean, did you…y’know…did you cum?”

Did I cum? Does earth quake, does thunder bolt? But I still found myself too embarrassed to say it. I couldn’t stop the blush when I nodded. But, as he wrestled his arm under my neck and around my shoulder, I had a pause. “Better than what?”

“Last night.” He held me tightly for a moment. “I didn’t want your first time – well, our first at least – to be like that.”

“Like what?” I tried to face him but it was hard to do without taking my head off his shoulder.

“I just…I wanted it to be…y’know, romantic. Something you’d want to remember. Not like, well, not like him.”

I had to laugh. “You are so not like Terrance. Nothing you do is like him.”

“Good. If I ever do, hit me.”

I swatted his chest. “Like that?”

“Ow!” he laughed. “What?”

“Just testing.”

“You are so mean.” He squeezed me tight. “Why are you so mean?” But he was rolling me around on the bed when he asked so I knew he was teasing.

“I’m not mean!”

“Yes, you are!”

Soon we were both laughing.

He finally stopped – nearly on top of me – and smiled. “We should get up and let your bed dry.” He kissed me lightly. “You shouldn’t be lying in all these wet sheets.” He kissed me again. And again.

And again. This time I held him down and kissed him back. He slid to the side since he couldn’t just lay on top of me. The bed was wet and cold; we really should be getting up. I really preferred the idea of him doing it again. I reached between his legs and found him willing and able.

“Ty,” he whispered, “oh jeez.”

I stroked him. “Do it again. Please?”

“Really?” his fingertips caressed my tits again and I bit my lip.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t get it.” He gasped. “First it’s like you don’t want me at all. Now it’s like you can’t stop.”

“I…” He was right; it was like a craving. All I wanted was to feel him inside me. It had to be hormones. “Just do it. Please?”

He didn’t actually answer, just kissed me deeper and played with my tits more. He somehow pulled me into his lap and got my legs around his waist. We could just reach each other – next week we wouldn’t be able to try this position, I thought. He was rubbing against me but we couldn’t quite line all the parts up and we couldn’t reach them under my stomach.

It didn’t help that we were both giggling.

“Maybe we should try this next year.” He snickered.

Next year. After the baby. Like he was going to be around then. My mood sank. “Right.” I tried to pull my legs from around him but for once, he caught my mood change and held me there.

“What?”

“Let me go.”

“What?”

“I said let me go!”

“Ty! I’m sorry Look, I can get it – just lean back a bit and let me get my hand down there.”

“Never mind.”

“What did I say?”

“Nothing.”

“Ty! What?”

Tsk! “Next year.”

“Yeah. So?”

“Tsk! “Like you’ll still be here.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

So stupid! “Cause I’ll have a kid? Cause you can do better!”

This time his face fell. “Black baby, black boyfriend, black father.” He let my legs go and gently – firmly – moved so he could get out of bed. “They can adopt you but I can’t adopt her?”

I looked at him, totally confused. No one had said anything about him adopting the baby! He was 17! It wasn’t as if he could adopt if he wanted to. “Adopt! What kind of drugs you on?”

He gave an exasperated shake of his head and dropped on the edge of the bed. “Not now! Later! After.”

“After what?”

“Well, college for a start. I mean, I think about this stuff.” I must have looked as confused as I felt because he rolled his eyes and went on. “Look, I know you can’t plan life because things never go according to plan but it gives you an idea of where you’re headed, right? So I have my plan. I’m going to VMI, then into the Navy – as an Officer I hope – go into either communications or tech there – I haven’t really decided that yet – then, after I retire from the military, join my Dad’s consulting firm. I mean, we’ll be apart while I’m at VMI – unless you go there too which I doubt – but that would just give us time to be sure. Then, when I come back, we get married and I adopt little Ty.”

He had the next 30 years of his life figured out. I didn’t have the next 30 minutes figured out. And he was planning me into it. “Why?” It was the only word I could say but it didn’t begin to cover my questions.

“Because military benefits will only cover her if she’s legally my daughter. I mean, unless they change them by then. I mean, that’s one of those things that I can’t know in advance, right? But it doesn’t matter really, I mean, if we’re together, then I want it to be all of us, right?”

“If we’re together?” He really wanted to be with me?

“Well it wouldn’t make any sense if we break up before then.”

He really wanted to be with me. Not lying, not just saying it so he could do me. Had already done me and was planning our future together. Was still fighting with his Mother about me. Let my soon-to-be-Father yell at him over me. Suddenly, I was sobbing. It burst forth painfully and made my whole body shake uncontrollably. He wanted me. Nobody wanted me, for years. Now, suddenly, I have a family. I couldn’t stop sobbing and Brian just held me, rocked me and said things like ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘it’ll be ok’.

And I believed him.

I cried until my whole body hurt. Even then, it took a few minutes for the convulsive sobs to stop. I think it was just knowing, I mean really truly believing that not everyone was like Terrance and my biological mother and the city bureaucrats just made everything seem so much better. He said it and I believed him. And I felt ok about believing him. In fact, I realized, I felt ok about a lot of things. I’d been sleeping better and I hadn’t been queasy and it was all since he came along. I felt safe with him. That alone should have terrified me, I know. Once you depend on something, count on it to go away. But just at that moment, I was ok. I couldn’t make myself believe he was going to go away.

He had a 30-year plan. How Loving!

Which made me giggle.

Which scared him until I began to openly laugh. “What? What?” He couldn’t seem to help laughing with me.

“You didn’t tell me what the wedding colors are or where our house will be?”

He laughed out right then. “Oh. Well, I thought you could pick the colors. I mean, that’s kind of a girl thing. But since I might not be stationed in one place, I thought we’d buy a house here and rent it out and we’d live wherever I’m stationed until I retire. I mean, unless you’d rather just stay here. I can always come home on leave. It’s always a debate,” his tone turned more serious, “which is worse – living apart or traveling all the time. I mean…”

“Brian!” I snapped and he looked at me, stunned. “Shut up.” I had to kiss him. And he seemed to be ok with that. We didn’t stay there long. My bed really was wet and cold. We put some pillows on the floor and I got on my hands and knees again.

“I hate this position.” He said, stroking my back. “I can’t see you.”

“Yeah, but everything else is awkward.” I countered. “And besides,” I was glad he couldn’t see me blush when I said it, “it feels really good when you go in like this.”

“Really?”

Tsk! “Just do it.”

I could feel him lining up behind me. Then he stopped. Then his tongue whipped against me. I gasped and shook. I had not expected him to do that again. He licked for a while, never seeming to mind that my butt hole was right there. I know that some people like that but even now, I didn’t think that he would want me there. When his tongue swiped past that too, I didn’t know how to react. My body quivered and tingled. I know all the girls in the program are supposed to scream and shout when they cum but I still couldn’t do that part right. I still seemed to lose the ability to make any real sound at all – I just sort of whimpered and mewed. But it felt like a bomb blast!

Then, while I was still shaking, he pushed into me. Instead of helping me calm down it was like he re-ignited the bomb. I was shaking even more and pushing against him, trying to…I’m not really sure what I was trying to do except that I know when he came inside me, it was going to feel like heaven.

For a moment, I could even imagine that if he did it enough that she would become his baby. That his sperm could overwrite Terrance’s and she’d have a real Daddy that put her there – that had wanted to put her there, that put her in me because he meant to.

For a moment, I slipped into that fantasy. “Brian! Brian!” I gasped.

“Oh God, Ty!” He leaned against my back and kissed it. I could feel sweat dripping from him.

“I want a new baby.”

“What?” he panted.

“Give me your baby. Make her our baby.”

“Oh fuck.” He moaned. “Yes! Ours!” He straighten up again and grabbed my hips almost desperately. “She’s ours! I’m going to make her mine!” With every stroke, he seemed to go deeper and harder as if he could go deep enough to touch her directly. And I started helping him. To touch her, reach her, coat her with his seed. I snapped back to reality when he started really yelling “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!” and going in and out like a piston on overload and I found myself growling “Yes! Yes! Yes!” in response.

We both exploded this time. I felt him go off at the same moment I did and I swear the house shook. They probably heard us in orbit! It was everything they said it was in the books and movies and more.

We both collapsed on the floor and after panting for a few seconds, Brian began kissing his way around me and mumbling something. I didn’t hear it clearly until he was kissing around my face. “I love you. I love you. I love you….” We both drifted off to sleep right there, just like that.

I woke up later, with Brian snuggled against me, happier than I could ever remember being. And stiff as a board. And with a bladder screaming. I woke him while trying to get up and he laughed softly as he helped me up. After I came out of the bathroom, I found he’d taken all the linens off my bed and spread them around my room to dry. He was in the center of it all doing push-ups.

“I don’t do that, you know.” I said, trying to reassert some strength after being all weepy and weak all morning.

“You. Don’t. Have. To.” He said. “48. 49. 50.” He rolled over and stood up. “I like you curvy.” He smiled at me and I got all shiver-y and silly again. “Hey. What are you doing today?” He asked. We both started pulling out clothes and dressing.

I shrugged. The last few months, I spent Sundays either shopping with Michelle or hanging out with one of the – no, say it right – with my parents. I hadn’t actually made plans either way.

“I promised my Mom, I’d meet her at church. You want to come?”

I frowned. A couple of my foster families had been churchgoers – including the one where the father thought I wouldn’t tell anyone if he touched me. Not real christen of him. Or anything else Holy, for that matter. But I didn’t have any real faith myself. I hadn’t ever had any reason to have any. Maybe be now I had one. Then again, there was that ‘Mother’ thing. I shook my head. “You and her need to be ok before she and I start fighting.”

“She’ll get over it.” He said but I shook my head again. “It’s ok. I’ll call her back. I’ll see her later.”

“God!” I rolled my eyes, mostly drama. “Go! What, you my shadow now? You don’t live here, you know! Go home, already!”

His face fell. “But – I mean…I thought…”

I kissed him. Any uncertainty he was feeling seemed to melt away. “We’re not married yet.” I said softly. “My Dad’s not going to just let you move in here, you know.”

He smiled. “I guess. And I’m going to need to do laundry eventually.” He kissed me softly and then reached around me to look at his watch. “It’s 10 already. I should go home so I can dress properly. Can I call you later?”

Tsk! “You better!”

“So mean.” He kissed my nose and let me go. He gathered most of his stuff and packed. We went downstairs with our arms around each other’s waists.

Mr. and Mrs. Redmond were nowhere to be found. They had never both left before without leaving a note. I wasn’t actually worried but it was odd.

Then Brian got a sly smile and took my hand again. He shushed me as he crept quietly back upstairs. “Which is their room?” He whispered. It was an awful lot of drama if he figured they had just over slept.

But as we got near their door I caught on. From the hallway, we could hear the rhythmic bed creaking, Mrs’ gasps of “oh Phil” and Mr’s groans of pleasure. Then, it all stopped. Then it all started again only louder. Brian put his finger to his lips and then – I could have died on the spot! – opened their door.

They were in the same position we had been in, only she was holding on to the headboard and after a minute, I realized that he was doing it the other way! Brian and I watched them and I felt my hormones rush through me again. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to my room.

“I should really be…”

“Shut up, Brian.” I snapped, unzipping his pants. I had a hard time getting to my knees but I got there and Mr. Happy was ready and waiting for me. I licked it first and was thrilled to hear him moan loudly. Then, I sucked trying to be careful not to scrap with my teeth or to suck too hard. It didn’t take long for him to begin slowly slid in and out of my mouth.

Which is when I stopped. I turned around and bent over again. “Again?” He almost whined. “Ty…this way.”

He pulled down my panties and fingered me as he changed positions so that he was lying down and I was sitting on him. “Are you sure? I’m too fat.”

He just grinned and stroked my button with the head of his tool. I couldn’t argue about anything for a minute. He positioned himself and then convinced me to slide down. “See?” He gasped after a minute or so. “I can see you. And I can play with these!” He gave my nipples a squeeze and got a squirt in the face for it. “Oh, God! If you’re like this Monday, I’m gonna be worn out all week!” But he grinned as he said it.

It was different, being on top. It was slower and not quite as deep but I could see him smiling – or groaning – at me and that made it really special. Until I started getting a backache. I would have leaned forward but there was this big stomach in the way. “Ow! I can’t do this anymore.”

“What’s wrong?”

“My back hurts.”

“Oh. I didn’t think of that. Can you sit up straight? Push your knees back a bit.”

I could but it was at the top of the stroke – he was just barely in me. “Like this?”

“Yeah. That’s good.” He started lifting himself, pumping from underneath. “How’s that?” he gasped. “OK?”

“Yeah.” It was more than ok! “Oh yeah!” Then he switched, put his hands on my waist and began lifting me! I didn’t know how strong he was but he showed me and it didn’t take long for him to fill me again. I didn’t explode this time but I still felt good when I lay beside him and put my head on his shoulder.

“Is your back ok?” he puffed.

“Mmm-hm.” He was warm and firm but not too firm. Soft but not too soft. I wouldn’t have minded staying right there all day.

My stomach growled and we both giggled. Then his growled and we both laughed outright. “You go clean up.” He said kissing me and helping me up from the floor yet again. “I’ll go start breakfast.”

Mr. and Mrs. Redmond came down both still in robes, while we were eating.

Brian hoped up. “I made coffee and scrambled eggs. And I saw some ham in the fridge so I sliced that.”

“Why Brian you angel!” Mrs. Redmond kissed his cheek. “I can’t believe we slept so late!”

I managed not to snicker at that. Mr. Redmond didn’t say much, just went to get the Sunday paper and pour himself a cup of coffee. Still, he was unusually affectionate even if he was rather silent. He kissed me and Mrs. a couple times and gave Brian a warm pat on the shoulder.

Finally, Brian looked at his watch. “I really gotta go, Ty. I’ll call as soon as I get home tonight, ok?”

“OK.” I didn’t want him to go now but I knew he really needed to take care of things with his Mother so I let him kiss my cheek and walked him to the door.

As we got to the kitchen door, Mr. called out from behind his newspaper, “I’ll get a key made Monday; you two can sort out the details. Sound good, son?”

I looked at Brian; he looked at me. We both grinned; we both blushed. “Yes, sir, it sounds great!” He called back. He kissed me one more time then I watched him walk to his car and eventually pull off.

I drifted back into the kitchen and started the breakfast dishes.

“Someone must have had a wonderful morning.” Mrs. Redmond teased. “Somebody looks like she walking on sunshine.”

“Val…”

“I’m not naming names. I’m just saying.”

The newspaper rustled. “Judge not lest ye be judged.” I heard a loud ‘pop’ and a soft, amused ‘ow’.

“I’m not naming names.” Mr. Redmond chuckled. “I’m just saying.”

Luckily for me, the phone rang and I heard the machine pick up. An odd thing about the Redmond but a useful thing; they both hated voice mail. So they used an old style answer machine to screen their calls. “Shay-Shay, pick up. Oh, hey, Mr and Mrs Redmond. Shay, pick up…”

I got to the machine before Michelle hung up. “Hey girl!”

“Hey! Kwe wants to go out to Pentagon City. You in? Or you gonna spend the day with Brian?”

“He’s not here.” I said was smugly as I could manage.

“Yeah, right!” She laughed. “Must have had to get more clothes!” She laughed at me some more then promised to be at the front door in thirty minutes or less.

It was more like an hour but she, Kweli and LaRisa were all squeezed into Michelle’s little Mercedes and they let me have the front seat.

“So who is this boy, anyway?” Risa asked as soon as the door was closed.

“The cute White boy on the Drill line with Stephen.” Kwe answered dismissively. “We’ll get to him. You need to go all the way back because we have not discussed this baby yet. I’m the Godmomma, right?”

“No!” Michelle snapped. “That’s my baby!”

“Tsk! Forget you!” Kwe waved her off. “Shay-Shay, how you gonna keep a secret like that? I thought we were tight!”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I just…I didn’t think anybody would understand.”

“Some of us are not bougie negros.” Risa intoned from the back as a direct dig at Michelle.

“You better get out my car.” Michelle tossed back.

Kweli ignored them both. “So where is the father? And don’t give me that bull you gave on the news.”

“If you can find him!” Michelle quipped and Risa laughed.

“He’s just this boy I used to know.” I tried to deflect the whole thing. “I was dumb. He said all this junk and, you know.”

And to my surprise, they all simply nodded. The car was very quiet for a few minutes. “So. This little White boy.” Kwe started. “Is it just partners get freaky or is there more to it?”

I felt my cheeks heat up. “First off, he’s not White. He’s Spanish.”

“Ooooh! Latino!” Risa leaned over the back seat. “Mamma-cita goes south of the border!”

“Not Mexican, Spanish.”

“Oh, are we defensive?”

“No, just accurate.”

They laughed at me. “OK! Spanish. Well?”

“Well what?”

“You have got to see them together!” Michelle fairly cackled. “You can’t pry them apart!”

“So – have you yet?”

“Have I yet what?” Like I don’t know what Risa asking.

“You know! Has he set it off yet?”

“Risa!”

“I know he stayed the night.” Kwe said. “I saw his car when we drove by this morning.”

“What are you spying on me?”

“Maybe.” They laughed at me again.

“He stayed most of last week.” Michelle added.

They didn’t let up. We were almost at the mall when I finally caved in. “Yes! We did it! Ok?”

“AND?”

“It was good.” I must have turned purple.

“Good! Oh hell no! Give! Peni, penun or penito?” Risa asked making the appropriate hand gestures.

“Oh, you really don’t know who she means!” Kwe laughed.

“Yeah,” Michelle agreed, “the boy is definitely packing!”

As we got out of the car, LaRisa stopped. “Wait, wait. Is he about this tall, with real light hair and real dark eyes?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Kwe nodded.

“Oh. My. God. I let him do my relief once during my program week. Giirrrllllll! Damn! That boy turned it out!”

They all looked at me. “Well?”

What could I say? I must have been twelve shades of red. “He’s good.”

They laughed at me again. I got teased most of the day. But nothing interferes with Michelle hunting for a new purse so eventually Brian and I were not the center of the conversation.

Pentagon City Mall was sleek and stylish and severely overpriced which made it Michelle’s favorite place to spend her Father’s money. Kweli and LaRisa didn’t spend quite as much but the spirit was there. I had never had money to spend and usually only bought things I really needed. The Redmonds couldn’t complain if I bought shoes for school or stuff like that. After we found Michelle’s new purse, they insisted that we shop for the baby.

“They can’t complain if you spend money on it, right?” Kweli asked. She had always seemed to be the only one who was really aware of my money issues.

“No.” I still didn’t feel right about it.

“Well if they’re really going to adopt you,” Michelle looked thoughtful, “then they can take whatever they don’t like out of your allowance.”

“You know,” LaRisa was studying the map. “There’s a Bed, Bath and Beyond a couple blocks from here. And an Ann Taylor.”

Michelle gasped. “Where!”

We were out of the mall and halfway there when Risa told me my purse was beeping. Michelle stopped in the first store she saw and bought me a clip-on phone case while I called Brian back.

“Where are you? I’m at your house.”

“I thought you were going to talk to your Mom today.”

“I did. We talked.”

“So it’s all good?”

“No. But it won’t be. She’ll never believe that I love you and I’m not going to argue with her about it.”

I love you.

He said it casually, like he said it every day. Like I should expect to hear him say it.

I love you.

“Ty? Are you there?”

“I’m here.” I said numbly.

“Can I come over?”

“OK.”

“Where are you? Michelle’s?”

“No. Pentagon City. Behind the mall.”

“By the skating rink?”

“There’s a skating rink out here?”

“Yeah, back over by the grocery store and the Linens and things or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s a Bed Bath…”

“and Beyond. Ok. Yeah. I’ll call you when I get close. OK?”

“OK.” He hung up. I looked up to see a chagrinned Kwe give a twenty to a very smug Michelle.

“What?”

“Sucker bet.” Michelle said. “I said you couldn’t go a day without seeing him and she said you weren’t like that.”

“I’m not!” Risa made a rude noise. “I’m not! He’s just…you know!” Tsk!

They laughed at me again. I started reminding Kweli of how her tongue got tied every time Bryant was in sight and Risa of the fact that she’s supposedly been hung up on Malik since grade school. Which was the main reason I didn’t think he was interested in me. We debated who was more hung up on who while we explored the large selection of bottle washers, diaper bags, crib pillows and other baby gear. I didn’t know what I had. I didn’t know what I needed. I didn’t know who was planning a baby shower or if one was even being planned. I hadn’t thought of any of that; that had always been Mrs. Redmond’s problem.

“Well, do you want one?” Kwe asked.

I hadn’t thought about that either. Before, when it was an ‘it’ – definitely not. But now? Now she was mine. And Brian’s. Maybe not physically but after this morning absolutely emotionally. I kind of liked the idea of having a party for her. I knew for a fact that Mrs…that Mom would like to have one. “Kind of.”

“Of course we’re throwing you a shower! Girl, pu-leeze!” Risa said off-handedly. “Like that was even a question. Come here and look at this. My Aunt’s birthday is coming. Do you think she’d like this bathroom set?”

Which was pretty much the end of the discussion and we went back to wasting time and money until Michelle’s phone rang. She looked at the number then at Kwe before she answered it. “What you want? In my skin. Maybe, it depends. I don’t know if I want to meet you, Stephen and Malik in the food court.” She grinned as Risa and Kwe both squealed.

“Oh, and I got it bad!” Finally, a chance to dig back at them!

Michelle played hard ball for a few more minutes before she agreed that she might be near the food court soon. Then we hurried to buy a gift for Risa’s Aunt and the first thing that I personally bought for my baby – a pink receiving blanket.

Then the four of us rushed back to the mall and then stopped in the bathroom to make sure we didn’t look like we’d rushed back to the mall. Brian called while we were standing by the Macy’s trying to find a place to wait that didn’t look like we were waiting. I told him where we were and five minutes later, I saw him coming through the crowd looking for us.

“Oh Damn!” Michelle hissed.

“What?”

“Malik.” Bryant, Stephen and Malik saw Brian at about the same time we saw them.

Kweli fluffed her butt-length braids – yes, some black girls can do that annoying hair swing thing – and adjusted her cleavage. “Nigga ain’t got no sense. I got him.” She strode in the boys’ direction. “Yo, Malik!” She shouted over the din of the plaza. Then she shouted something I didn’t understand at all.

“You know they’re cousins, right?” Risa observed. “The whole family’s originally from Kenya. Her Mother does that too; anytime she wants to jack Kwe-Kwe up in public, she switches to Swahili.”

“Kwe-Kwe?” Brian walked up in time to catch the end of the comment and put his arms around me. “So, Shay-Shay, Kwe-Kwe, Chelle-Chelle and La-La?”

“No.” Tsk! “You so stupid.” I rolled my eyes. “Michelle is always Michelle and LaRisa is Risa or Ree-Ree.” Not that there was any more logic either way.

“Damn boy!” Risa swatted Brian’s shoulder. “You can’t even speak?”

“Oh. Sorry. Hi. Sorry. I was just…I mean, Ty….”

“God! I’m just messing with you! Get a grip!”

“You’ll need one.” Michelle tone was sharp but turned quickly. “Hey Bryant.”

“Yo, shorty, what up?” Bryant glanced at the rest of us. “Hey ya’ll. I didn’t know you were here, Brian.”

“I just got here.”

I saw Bryant’s eyes linger on Brian’s arms around me. Brian didn’t move them.

Stephen, Kwe and Malik joined us. “Yo, B-man!” Stephen greeted Brian with some actual affection and Brian let me go long enough to do whatever it is that passes for shaking hands these days. Stephen looked at us for a long minute before he finally said, “So two an item, now?”

Brian held me tighter and kissed my temple. “Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

Stephen considered for another minute. “Cool.” He turned immediately to Kweli. “Hey Kwe, can I talk to you for a sec?” He walked away from the group and after a moment Kwe followed him.

There was an awkward moment that Michelle filed in by suggesting that we go for lunch. I don’t know what Kweli told Malik but he didn’t say a word through out the whole ‘where should we eat conversation’ which was bizarre since he always had an opinion about where to eat. Brian sided with me to go to CPO and Michelle insisted that if I was having cravings, I win the debate. By the time we started to the restaurant, Kwe and Stephen had rejoined us and Kwe was practically bouncing!

I didn’t really notice until midway through lunch, but we were in couples now – me and Brian, Stephen and Kwe, Michelle and Bryant, and Malik and Risa. It was clear that there were still a few lingering tensions but something in the way Stephen steered the conversation keep things from getting bad.

After lunch, Stephen, Kwe, Malik and Risa decided to go to a movie. The rest of us decided to head uptown to Mazza Gallery and more shopping in excessively expensive stores; Bryant rode with Michelle and I rode with Brian.

“Is this ok?” He asked.

“Is what ok?”

“Me hanging out with your friends. If you want me to drop you off and go, that’s cool.”

I looked at him and shook my head. If it wasn’t cool, he’d have known that several hours ago! “Did I show you the blanket I bought?”

He glanced at me. “Are you ignoring the question or am I missing something again?”

“Did I tell you to join us?”

“Well, you didn’t say no.”

“Ok, then don’t be stupid. It was only Malik anyway and I don’t know what his problem was.”

“I cock blocked.”

“You what?”

He grinned and blushed slightly. “I cut in before he could make a move on you.”

“How do you know?”

He laughed. “Cause I’d be acting the same way if it were me. Besides, Stephen pretty much said so on Friday night.”

“What did he tell you anyway?”

He shook his head. “Oh no! I am so not telling you that.”

“Why not?”

“Cause.”

“Cause! What kind of reason is that?”

He shrugged. “Just ‘cause.” Then he grinned at me.

The whole ride to the plaza, he flat refused to tell me. He told me I was cute several times and he tried to kiss me at a couple lights but whatever Stephen told him on Friday must have been vital because he kept it locked in tight.

There wasn’t really much interesting in the Gallery or in the Plaza across the street. The four of us mostly just wandered around and window-shopped. Bryant’s arm was around Michelle’s shoulder; Brian’s was around my waist. Occasionally, he’s rub my stomach. It felt really good.

I had a boyfriend. Not some guy who was just planning to use me but a real live boyfriend. And friend friends – the girls, Bryant and Stephen. Malik would even probably come around again. I couldn’t ever remember having friends before.

At about the time we noticed the sun start to set, Michelle called her parents. After a hesitation, I called the Redmonds. Mr. answered the phone as soon as I said ‘it’s me’.

“Hey Shay-Shay. What’s up?”

“Hey. Um. Gramps.” I got a warm fuzzy feeling picturing his face when I called him that. “I just wanted to let you know we were still out.”

“That part I figured.” He sounded amused. “Do you need a lift or are you planning to hang out longer?”

“No. Brian’s here. And Michelle. We’re in Friendship Heights.”

“Ok, Honey. Don’t be out too late. Tomorrow’s a school day, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I’m presuming you’ve already done all your homework?”

I hadn’t even thought about homework all day! “Yeah.”

“Well, if you have anything you need to look over, just be sure to get home early enough to do so. OK?”

“Yeah.” Like now.

“Ok. I’ll see you later. Oh Shay – thanks for calling.”

Another warm fuzzy feeling. “It’s all good. Gramps. Bye.” I hung up. “Guys. I should go. I got homework I haven’t even looked at.”

Michelle sighed deeply. “Yeah, I should go too. My Dad’s all, like, you need to come here and your Grandmother came to see you and whatever whatever.” Tsk!

We all walked Michelle back to her car where Bryant kissed her for the first time that I know of. I vaguely remember him saying that he had a girlfriend but I wasn’t about to ruin Michelle’s night with information like that! After, Brian and I walked Bryant to the train station.

“I kind of promised my Mom I’d come home.” Brian said as we headed back to his car.

I nodded; I figured that had to be coming soon. “I’ll get more homework done without you around anyway.”

“So mean.” He muttered.

The ride to my house was quiet. Not tense, just no words, the radio on the Quiet Storm show and us looking at each other every other minute. Every love song that played seemed to fit how I felt about him. There were a lot of love songs.

He walked me to the front door, which was classic, and took both my hands in both of his. “Do you want me to come in?”

“Don’t you have your own home? I thought you promised your mom you’d be there tonight?”

He shrugged. “I guess neither of us would get much homework done if I do stay, huh.”

“I’ll get mine done either way.” But even I didn’t believe that. We looked at each other for a long time. He wanted to kiss me but I know if he did, he was staying the night again. “I should go.” I said finally.

“Yeah. Ok.” He looked disappointed. “I’ll come by later?”

“What, in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah. Maybe not.” He laughed. ”I’ll call.”

“You better.”

He smiled at that. “Or what?”

“What you mean ‘or what’?”

“I’d better call or what?”

“You’d better call or you’ll find out what.”

The door opened behind us and Gramps was standing in the doorway suppressing a grin. Actually, he looked pretty harsh but it occurred to me that his lips were more drawn in his fake-mad look than in his real-mad look.

And I could tell the difference.

“Are you two planning to put on a full show for the neighbors?”

“No sir! Mr. Redmond. Sir.” Brian got flustered and Gramps’ lips got even more drawn in. “I was just leaving. Sir.”

“Were you.”

“Yes, sir. Good night, sir. Night TyShala.” He hastily kissed my cheek and hurried for his car. I waved. He stopped, smiled and waved. “I’ll call. I promise.” He started to get in then jumped out and ran back to us. “I almost forgot.” He bent over my stomach. “Good night baby; I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kissed it then kissed my lips softly. “I want her to know my voice.”

And if I hadn’t been half in love with him before, that would have done it.

He seemed much less spastic on his second attempt at leaving.

Gramps guided me into the house. “So. Am I going to have some peace and quiet tonight?” The blush must have gone straight down to my toes but he just chuckled. “I’m still not sure I like it but, well, I’m glad you’re happy.” He paused. “Are you?”

I started to answer then stopped. I wouldn’t know happy if it bit my ass! I did know this much – I wasn’t scared, ashamed, lonely, miserable or hopeless for the first time I could remember. For the first time in a long time, I felt like someone cared about me and like I cared about someone else. Actually, it was the first time I could think of that I cared about someone else. “Are you happy?” I asked him.

His expression changed becoming both more relaxed and more amused. “Since when do you care how I feel?”

That was an easy one. “Since you thought you might want to act like my Dad.”

He just smiled softly and kissed my forehead. “You eat yet?”

“Too much!”

“Yeah. All junk, huh? I’ll make something. Homework?”

Tsk! “Alright! I’m here, right? It’s all good!”

“I’m going to meet with all your teachers next week. Don’t look so shocked – I’ll be there anyway so I might as well.” He chuckled. “Go on up. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.” He headed for the kitchen.

I went to my room and finished the easy stuff – math, lit, music – and then went on-line to see what assignments I’d missed mostly not paying attention this week. I was very glad that the school’s policy gave Program students an automatic extension on all homework during their participation week. There was a message for me but Val came and got me for dinner before I checked to see who it was from.

Val and Gramps. I couldn’t quite say ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ yet but they seemed to be ok about it. Mostly.

“But why ‘gramps’?” Val asked for the tenth time. “Is it from a book?”

“No, Val,” Gramps chuckled. “It’s nothing!” But the way he said it kept implying that there was some big secret behind it. It was driving her crazy. At first, I was trying to convince her that it wasn’t a big thing but Gramps seemed to enjoy frustrating her. Eventually, she stood up. “You have yet to keep a serious secret from me Philip Joseph Redmond. I’ll find out the truth.”

“There is no truth here, Val.” He was really trying not to laugh.

“I hope you like the couch.” She pouted but she was mostly smiling too. “And you,” she turned on me, “you’re on his side too, eh? Like father, like daughter is it?” Gramps and I looked at each other. Neither of us said anything but, yeah, I think it was like that. “Fine. Be that way. See if I take you shopping again!”

“Val….”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh hush, Phil! Tish knows I’m teasing, don’t you sweetheart?”

“Teasing!” he laughed. “I thought you were making promises you wouldn’t keep!”

“Oh! You!” She laughed. “Tish and I had a great time shopping without you thank you very much – didn’t we?”

“Yeah, we did.”

“So there. Now, since you cooked – well, you boiled water at least – and you still have homework, I will handle the dishes.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and stuck her tongue out at him and I helped her clear the table before going back to my room.

The message was from Ms. Scott and addressed to all this week’s Program participants. Please write a 500 word essay on your experiences this week. Cover what you learned about yourself, about the people around you and whether you think the NiS Program will help you become a better citizen. This paper is due Monday before first period.

My experiences in the Program. Now there’s a loaded question.

I was ‘outed’ so to speak, embarrassed and attacked. I also found my first real boyfriend and had my first orgasm. I found a real family. I found my friends are real friends, mostly. And somewhere, I don’t know when, I found that I want to be a friend, a girlfriend and a daughter. And a mother, I added, as she got a little restless.

I called Brian – just to surprise him – and we talked for a couple hours until I all but fell asleep on the phone.

All things considered, it was the best night of my life.

* * * * * *

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