Rosie - Naked In School

Chapter 5

WEEK TWO FRIDAY

I woke up early, with a terrible feeling I can’t describe without being what Heather would call melodramatic. A feeling of doom, there is no other word.

I ran to the school, arriving just as the caretaker was opening the door.

He called to me, “You’re here early, Miss,” or something like that. I ran past him without answering, barely hearing him.

I looked in the toilets, slamming each door, then ran to her classroom. It was empty. I walked back out, feeling slightly calmer. I was panicking for nothing.

As I walked into the staffroom, an image flashed in my mind. The cupboard door in the classroom. It was ajar.

I ran back to the classroom and pulled open the cupboard door. I knew what I would find but the sight still punched me in the gut.

Rosie was lying in the cupboard, her head to one side, dribble down her chin, her lifeless eyes looking at me, accusing me.

In her hands an empty bottle of tablets.

Out of breath now, I called an ambulance, hardly able to gasp out what had happened and where to come.

Then I called Mrs. Chaplain at home.

“Christina…” I took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say this. “Rosie’s dead.” I left unsaid the next bit… And it’s my fault.

The ambulance came and as they had to do, they tried to revive her. They knew and I knew, we were too late. Far too late.

The chance to save her had come and gone, and I’d missed it.

As the ambulance drove away, Mrs. Chaplain’s car roared into the school driveway. I shook my head at her.

We drove to the hospital where the doctor officially pronounced Rosie dead. An autopsy will show the cause, but there is no doubt in my mind.

The cause of death was Murder by degrees. We simply took away her will to live piece by piece and gave her nothing in return.

She became what she thought we wanted, but only by betraying who she was. Rosie had gone, by the first time I saw those eyes, just as Heather had. But Heather had Laura to care for her and bring her back.

Rosie just had me and I was too busy making her fit the pattern, too busy to notice the agony inside.

Now she was gone, without even a note to remember her by. She probably thought nobody would care why anyway.

So now I’m back in my hotel, finishing the story of Rosie’s last week on this earth. I owe her that.

Sam had warned us it could happen. Nobody had really listened.

Rosie had shown the signs. She was crying out so loud an idiot would have heard. Nobody listened.

Now I owe it to Rosie to make people listen.

Narrative taken over by Heather:

Shelley had called me at home to say what had happened and she was distraught. She said there was no point in me coming down, she was just staying at her hotel long enough to write her report. Jed broke every speed limit on every road and drove straight to the hotel.

I walked through the lobby, just as Christina Chaplain arrived.

A frown creased her face. “Shelley sounded odd on the phone. I came straight over.”

Christina was well known enough at the hotel to persuade them to let us into Shelley’s room.

On the bed was a folder. Pinned to it was a note. The note was addressed to me.

Heather,

Please forgive me. I don't have your courage and I can't live with what I've done. As usual you were right and I was wrong.
All I could ever see was how wonderful the Program had been to me. You always saw the potential for danger.
You remember Sam said in the inquiry way back at the beginning that the Program had been lucky that Laura found her in time. And if it wasn't so lucky, it would have a dead girl.
Luck ran out this morning.

You told me.
I even felt it all going wrong and I stood by and let it.
In a way Rosie told me yesterday what she was planning and I didn't hear her.
I didn't listen.
And a girl is dead because I thought I knew it all.

I don't have the courage she had, to take pills and wait for them to kill me. I'm going now to the office block opposite the hotel. There's a restaurant at the top. One step and it'll be over for me.

Please tell Mum and Dad I'm sorry to do this to them, and to you.
But it's more than I can take. As I said, I don't have your courage.

I have loved you more than I can say,

Your sister,

Shel

Feeling numb, I still realised that Jed had come into the room and I handed him the note.

Turning to Christina he asked at once, “How do you get to the restaurant above the office block?”

She told him and the three of us ran down the stairs. Jed was already sprinting across the road dodging traffic as I was coming out of the hotel doors. He disappeared into the office block and, not waiting for a lift, started running up the stairs.

Thinking the lift would be quicker, I waited for the lift. It seemed to take an age and I began to shake with fear and impatience.

Jed and I ended up running into the restaurant together. We startled the waiter by running straight out onto the balcony.

Sitting at a table staring into a cup of coffee on the table in front of her was Shelley. I didn’t know whether to hug her or kill her, cry or scream at her.

“What are you two doing here?” she asked in a slightly disorientated tone of voice, then, guiltily, “Oh Fuck! You found the note.”

“Yes. Of course I did,” I snapped. Now anger was getting the better of my relief.

“I didn’t think you were coming or I’d have gone back and torn it up.”

At that point Christina arrived.

“Oh, shit,” Shelley swore again. “I didn’t think anyone would find it so fast.”

Christina’s face was a mixture of pain and relief. Then she looked at me and said, “I think perhaps Jed and I should leave you two sisters alone for a while.”

“It’s okay,” said Shelley. “Seeing as I managed to worry the hell out of all of you, I guess you can all stay.”

I resisted the urge to make some kind of sarcastic retort and ordered more coffees all round as Shelley had let hers get cold.

“So. What’s with the note, Shel?” I asked, trying to keep my voice on an even keel.

“I didn’t think anyone would find it for hours,” she began. “I came over here and ordered a coffee, just to distract the waiter. I actually sat on the edge and looked down, ready to jump.

“Then,” she broke down at this point and I felt my anger melting away. I went to hug her, but she shook her head and took a deep breath. “Then I saw Rosie’s face and her eyes staring at me and I realised that I wasn’t thinking of Rosie at all. I was thinking of me. Killing myself couldn’t help her, or do anything apart from make you all unhappy and stop me feeling guilty.

“I owe her better than that. At the very least to make her death mean something, to make things better. And I can’t do that if I’m dead.”

She had a look of stone-cold determination on her face. If I’d been worried sick about her a few minutes before, I wasn’t now. If anything, I’d worry about anyone who got in her way!

“You know what people are like,” she continued. “Big scandal for a few days, then forgotten. She deserves better than that.”

Our coffee arrived.

“So I changed my mind. I sat thinking for a while, then I was going to go and tear up the note. I never thought you or Christina would suddenly arrive.”

Christina got up and said, “Now I know you’re safe, I have to get back to the school.”

“I should go with you,” said Shelley.

“Shel,” I pleaded.

“No,” she insisted. “I must. I can’t just walk out on the school because of what’s happened.”

“Okay. Meet you in the dining hall at lunchtime?”

Shelley and Christina left Jed and me finishing our coffees.

“She’ll be okay,” Jed reassured me.

“I know. But she’ll need time. They all will.”