Erin's Life

Chapter 33 - Mf

Wednesday morning, the first week after her Christmas vacation from school, Erin was tired. Her Mom woke her up at 6am like every other morning, but Erin had to drag herself out of bed, for some reason. She briefly thought Was I up late? But no later than usual. She had Skyped with Lucy for an hour, but was done by 10, and was done masturbating by 10:15, asleep by 10:30.  She didn't know why she was so tired. 

She had some toast and milk for breakfast and still felt off when she walked over to John's to have sex while waiting for the school bus, as they always did. As usual her Mom waited in the car until John's door opened, they waved at each other, and her Mom left. Erin walked into John's house, he closed the door behind her, and she smelled the eggs he'd made himself for breakfast, and threw up her cereal on his floor.

"Oh sweetie, are you ok? Are you sick?" John asked, taking her backpack, helping her walk around the mess she'd made.

Erin was surprised. She hadn't felt sick at all, just tired. And now she was embarrassed. Covering her mouth, she felt a little mess on her lips, she said, "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't know that was going to happen."

John didn't care about the mess. He sat her down on the couch and ran to get her a glass of water, and a wash cloth to wipe her face. "Do you want to stay home from school? Should I call your mom?"

Erin took the wash cloth he offered and wiped her face, she was actually starting to feel better. "No.... no... I think I feel ok now.... I don't know WHAT that was."

"Ok sweetie... are you sure? I have some eggs left over, want some?"

"NO EGGS. And I shouldn't miss school, then I have to do catch-up work at home when I would rather be making love with you."

John smiled at her, she was so sweet. "Well, if you're sure, sweetie... I would be more than happy to take care of you today if you're sick."

"Nah, I'm feeling better already. Do you have any juice?"

They didn't have sex that morning, but Erin went to school and felt fine. Having lost her breakfast, by lunch she was starving and bought an extra chicken sandwich.

The next morning Erin was feeling run down again. Again she thought of what she'd done the night before... Skyping with Nora and Lucy, and was still done masturbating and asleep by 10:30. I shouldn't be feeling this tired. When she put on her bra that morning, she felt like something was inside the cups... she pulled it off and examined it, there wasn't anything there. Then she felt her nipples, and they felt sore to her. That's weird, did I pinch them hard last night while playing with myself? I don't remember. I must have. She ate toast and jelly for breakfast, with a glass of milk. She walked over to John's. She smelled the eggs he'd made himself for breakfast, and threw up on his floor.

"Oh my god!" she cried a little, "I'm so sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me!"

John helped her again, looking at her intensely. Got her a damp cloth and a glass of water. "How do you feel?" he asked her pointedly.

Erin didn't sense the intent of his question, she was still collecting herself from vomiting. "I'm starting to feel better again. I felt fine all day at school yesterday after I threw up, and I felt fine when we had sex after. I just felt tired this morning, and then I threw up for no reason when I got here. I don't get it."

"You feel extra tired, you say?" he asked her.

"Yeah, like I just don't want to get out of bed. And my nipples are sore. Am I sick?" she looked at him with worried eyes.

"No sweetie... you may just have a bug. There's one going around." He put his arm around her and she leaned into his embrace. "Do you want to stay home from school today?"

"Nah, I'm starting to feel better again. This is so weird."

"It sure is." John had a bad feeling. She's only 10...

John went to the drug store while Erin was at school.

+++

Erin got off the school bus and skipped to John's front door, like she did every day after school. She was feeling horny, way more than usual, and all she wanted was John's cock inside her. She'd been thinking about sex the whole afternoon after another big lunch. As usual he met her at the door, let her in, and she pulled him down and kissed him, letting her book bag fall to the floor.

John was surprised at her sudden kiss, he'd had her on his mind all day, worried. But he went with it. He could never resist her.

Erin pushed him backwards until the back of his knees hit the couch and he sat, and she knelt before him and started undoing his pants, practically drooling. 

"How did you feel at school today? Better?" he asked her.

She looked up at him, "What?" Right now she wanted sex, the fact she'd vomited this morning not even registering. She unzipped his jeans and was starting to tug them down.

"I was thinking about how you have been sick in the morning, I got you this..." and he took a small box from the table beside the couch.

Erin had just been reaching into his boxers to pull out his hardening cock when she glanced at what John was holding. She saw he had a box but the words on it didn't register. She want back to work on pulling his cock out, and she looked up at John. Then she looked back at the box, and saw that it said, "Pregnancy Test." She looked back at John, silent. In a small, heartbreaking voice she asked him, "You think I'm pregnant?"

"I don't know, sweetie. Maybe. Wanna find out?"

Erin took her hand out of his pants and sat next to him. "Why do you think I'm pregnant?"

"When girls are first pregnant they get sick in the mornings a lot, and sometimes they get sore nipples as their bodies start to get ready to be pregnant."

She just looked at him, and started to cry. He held her, loving her. Sick that she felt this way, but they had to know for sure.

"Don't worry sweetie, I'm here for you. But let's find out for sure. Come to the bathroom and I will help you take the test."

"What do I have to do? Is it a needle?" Erin hated needles.

"No sweetie, you pee on it."

Erin blurted out a small laugh. "No, seriously, what do I have to do?"

He smiled at her, "Seriously sweetie, you pee on it. A girl has hormones in her pee and those hormones are different if she if pregnant, and this test can detect them."

She seemed dubious, but went to the bathroom with him and did what he said as he read the directions.

The test was positive.

+++

Later, after making love, John held her, on their sides.

"I can't believe I'm pregnant," Erin said. 

"I know sweetie... this is way younger than should be possible. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you. You told me this was possible, I never made you stop," Erin told him.

"Well, I'm the one who should have been more careful. Girls younger than you have gotten pregnant before, I should have been... well, more careful."

"It's ok. I'm not mad at you. I love you," she said to him. 

He hugged her tighter. "I love you too, sweetie, no matter what."

"What are we going to do?" she asked him. She was too young to be familiar with the concept of abortion, but she vaguely knew that such things existed.

"I don't know, sweetie." In this moment, being honest with himself, part of him was rejoicing that they'd gotten pregnant. But the realist in him knew how impossible this was. "I just don't know."

++++

Erin was in a daze. Her mother noticed that evening, she kept having to repeat herself twice when she spoke to her daughter to get her attention, and then Erin's answers were short. Not rude, just far away. "Are you feeling well?" she'd asked Erin.

"I'm ok, I just feel a little weird. I think I'll go to bed early tonight."

Erin's mother felt her forehead. "You don't feel warm. Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes Mom, I'm really fine. Just tired."

Her Mom looked at her, worried, but then went off to finish her evening routine.

++++

That night in bed, Erin lay there naked, her clothes felt too rough on her skin. She was curled on her side, her hands folded on her lower tummy, where Google told her that her baby would be.

I just so can't believe this... John made a baby in me. This is so crazy. And amazing. And bad... what will my parents say? I'm so happy. I'm so scared. Will I be able to finish school? Will it hurt? How big will I get? Will John marry me? Will he get in trouble if people find out he got me pregnant? Will we have to hide? Can we finally be together? I wonder if it is a boy or a girl? Are my parents going to be really mad? Maybe I shouldn't keep it. I hope it's a girl. John seems happy, I hope he is happy. I know I can make him happy. I can't believe we are starting our family already, we are going to be so happy. This is so amazing! I can't wait to tell Lucy. This is so scary, I hope John doesn't get in trouble. I'll just tell people it wasn't his fault, I wanted him to. People will understand. It isn't like they can take away my baby's father, that isn't fair to anyone. It wouldn't make sense. I can't wait to move in with him. I wonder how old I have to be to get married? I wonder if he will make me wait to have another baby after this one. I wonder if having a baby hurts a lot, I heard it did. I can't wait to meet our child. I can't believe John loves me so much he made a child with me. I love him so much. He is my everything. I will do anything for him, and I know he feels the same. Oh my god, I have his child in my tummy.

She caressed herself, over her child.

I don't know who you are yet, little baby, but I love you so much... Mommy loves you so much... and I am going to be the best Mommy to you ever, and I won't leave you alone all day and never see you, because I will love you too much for that and will want to be with you all the time. And you are going to love your Daddy, he is sweet and kind and handsome and loving. You will never wonder if he even cares about you, because he will tell you every day how much he loves you unlike some other daddies. I love you, whoever you are, and I can't wait to meet you.

Erin fell asleep, falling in love with the life growing inside of her young body.

++++

While Erin slept, John was writing encrypted emails. He told his contact that he needed a "morning after" pill. His contact asked how far along the girl was, John guessed 1-2 months. The contact asked her height and weight, John told him approximately 4'5", 70 pounds. The contact said he had just the thing, it was safe, and 100% effective. "Just have some some pads on hand, she will bleed for 2-3 days. Trust me, I know. She will experience some cramping, and possibly mood swings. Pass it off as the girl's first period, if parents are an issue. Her cycle should start normally after that. If you give me a couple hours, I can have the pills ready for you to pick up. Do you want to start her on birth control pills, too?" John did. "Ok, I will get you a prescription for those, too. I've examined her naked enough times, I know she is a healthy girl. And I had a feeling you broke her cherry. Plan on letting us share?" John wasn't. "That's cool, I get it. Ok, be here in 2 hours, or so."

++++

John was in a dark mood when he picked up the brown paper bag from his contact, just after midnight. He didn't answer when the man said, "So I take it she's going to be unavailable for a while." He just left.

++++

Erin woke up tired again, but now she knew why, and she was in a very good mood. She whispered to her tummy, "Good morning little baby, Mommy loves you," while in the shower, and she smiled after looking into the mirror, feeling her sore nipples. Erin was glowing.

And she was hungry, her mother watched her bemused as Erin finished two bowls of cereal that morning, and happily ran to John's.

As soon as he locked the door behind him, she jumped into his arms kissing and hugging him.

John gave her a moment, and put her down. He looked at her, waiting... "Are you feeling sick?"

She just gave him a big smile, "No, I feel great," holding his hands.

John tried to smile at her. "Good. Sweetie, I got you some vitamins, they're good for pregnant girls. Here." He handed her two pills, and a small glass of orange juice.

"Do I chew them or swallow?"

"Swallow, sweetie."

"Ok."

John watched as his little Erin... his little pregnant Erin, carrying his child, swallow the pills. He could physically feel part of himself die, inside. He felt that something in his life had just ended, and he knew he'd never be the same, after this. He almost stopped her from swallowing them... almost. He knew if he stopped her he'd spend most of the rest of his life in jail when DNA was matched, if not sooner. He let her swallow the pills.

"I was thinking, maybe you should stay home from school today," as he sat with her on the couch.

"Really? I'm feeling ok, great even."

"Yes, but we have a lot of plans to make, we need time to talk. Don't you think?"

She put her arms around his neck, "Anything you say, my love."

He said it would start about an hour after she swallowed the pills.

Erin kicked off her shoes, "Well then I guess I'll get comfy," and she lay against him, and he held her.

"So I was doing some research last night... you need to know that it is difficult for 11 year old girls to give birth."

"But I'm only 10.... oh, I'll be 11 then. Ok." She smiled.

"Yes sweetie. But your body is barely developing, usually a girl is older, and her hips are wider. This is going to be dangerous for you. You might even need to get a c-section, which means they cut the baby out of your stomach instead of you trying to squeeze it out naturally."

That worried Erin, she'd never heard of that. "Seriously? An operation?"

"Yes sweetie... it happens quite a bit, actually. You'll probably have to have that. It really isn't a big deal, to be honest." But John knew that to a 10 year old girl, the concept of having a baby cut out of her would be terrifying. He felt her hug him harder.

"And sweetie... you should know... that like three out of four pregnancies... even among healthy, adult women... end on their own. You have to be ready for that possibility."

"What do you mean they end on their own?"

"There are lots of reasons... sometimes the baby isn't developing right, or for some reason the mother's body senses there is something wrong. Then her body will naturally stop the pregnancy... really, it is a natural thing. It isn't anything to be afraid of."

Erin was getting upset, "Why are you telling me this? You're scaring me."

John felt like the worst person in the world. Right now, I am. "I'm sure everything will be fine, sweetie... but I did the research last night, and you and I both need to be ready in case something happens. We have to know all the risks. We have to be prepared, right?"

"Yeah... but don't you want our baby to be healthy?"

John pulled her up to his lap, looked into her eyes, "Erin, I want all of our babies... lots of babies... to be happy and healthy. But you are so young now. The odds are against us. Even if we could be open about this... even if you moved into a hospital right now, today, and stayed there until you gave birth, there is still a huge chance that something can go wrong. Do you understand that?"

Erin looked into his eyes, she could tell he was sincere, and that he only said this because he loved her. "Yes, I understand. Thank you for telling me these things, it is good that we know." But Erin was a 10 year old girl, she knew in her heart that everything would be fine. She hugged him, and they held each other, comfy and warm on his couch.

Then Erin felt a small cramp in her tummy, and ignored it, but then a stronger one, and it hurt.

John hear her say "Oooo... ow..." from behind him, she was holding him and talking to his neck.

John closed his eyes. It's started. "Are you ok, sweetie?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, I... ow... no... something doesn't feel right."

A tear fell down John's face. He looked at her. "What's wrong?" 

She looked at him, "Why are you cry... OW! John, something is wrong, it hurts...." and her hands went to her tummy, where she was holding herself last night, the source of the cramping feeling.

"What is it? Your tummy?" his eyes never left her face, he saw her tears start to fall.

"I think... I think something is wrong," and she began to cry.

He held his tears. She's going to need me to be strong? I have no idea. I just gave her an abortion, I am shit. I am human shit. "Tell me what's wrong, sweetie... what do you need."

Through her tears, "I don't know, but I keep getting these.. OW! cramps and it hurts and isn't this where our baby is?"

John put his hand on her tummy, finally looking down, "Where, right here? Oh... sweetie... you're bleeding."

Erin looked down at herself and screamed.

+++

John helped her to the toilet, and sat with her, and held her, telling her it was going to be alright. She was terrified, and she knew her pregnancy was over, and she was heartbroken. She felt like a monster, letting her baby die like this. And John held her. He'd told her that in "his research" he learned that it would be like this if her body ended the pregnancy, and it was normal, and it might last for a couple days, and that she shouldn't be worried. 

Erin just cried, listening. The pain in her abdomen was nothing compared to the anguish in her heart.

Erin was bleeding, not a heavy flow, but too much to remain unprotected, he got her one of the pads he'd purchased and pressed it against her vagina, and put her in a pair of clean panties she'd left in the pool house, once, long ago, that he kept in his dresser drawer. He'd never given much thought as to why he'd kept them, but he had.

She was cried out, for now. "This is like a diaper," she said as he helped her walk back to the living room.

"Yes sweetie, and girls use them during that time of the month."

"You mean periods? They told us about those in health class last year."

"Yes sweetie, periods, exactly."

"My mom uses these, she never said it was like wearing a diaper."

John sat her down. "Sweetie... we need to get our story straight. We can't tell your parents you were pregnant, right?" giving her a knowing look.

Erin got the point. No, she didn't want John in trouble. "No... we don't want that."

"Ok sweetie, now listen... we could say this is your first period. Your parents wont suspect anything. And I think after this, you will have a period every month, just like Nora and every other older girl."

Erin wasn't thrilled about this. And it all sounded too simple to be believed, but she trusted John. Right now she needed him, she knew he was the only person she could really trust and count on, in her entire life. She knew in her heart that he would never hurt her. "I trust you. Ok, my first period."

"Are the cramps still bad?"

"No, it's just like... now it just aches."

"Well, I can't tell you what menstrual cramps feel like, but yeah, that could be just like that. Just tell your Mom that, ok? Should I call her now? She may want to come home and get you."

"I'd rather be with you, today... we lost our baby," and then there were fresh tears. 

John held her, and shed tears of his own for what he'd lost. For everything he'd lost, today.

"When you're ready, sweetie. But we'll need to tell her today."

"Ok. In a little while then."

He gave Erin a couple hours, and they checked her pad together, and changed it. It wasn't the bloody horror he'd expected, so he was happy her body was taking the forced miscarriage well. Then he made the phone call. 

From her side, Erin heard, "Hi, it's me. Yeah... it's about Erin. Something has happened. No, no, she's ok... but... ahhh, how do I put this... I think Erin has entered that 'special time in every girl's life.'" And then there was a delay in the conversation, John was listening, and then he looked panicked, and then he said, "Ummm... well, she said she wasn't feeling well this morning, so I didn't make her get on the bus. And then I was going to call you, but I was getting her settled, and then she noticed the blood, and here we are... yes... yes... Well, I actually happened to have some sanitary napkins from a girl I dated a while ago, so I gave her one to use, I hope that's ok." And then another pause. "Yes, I think she is fine, for now. She's taking it well. Ok, I will see you about 1, then."

John hung up, and looked at her, "Holy crap I forgot you were supposed to be at school today, and she asked why you were still here. But I think she bought my excuse."

Erin just smiled at him, a little. She already missed her baby.

+++

Erin's Mom pulled into the driveway at little after the noon rush at the bakery, and Erin and John hugged at the door.

"I love you," Erin told him softly. "I'm sorry I lost our baby."

John knew he'd lost more than that, today. "Sweetie, it isn't your fault. At all. It's mine, I... I should have been careful with you. We'll talk more tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok," and she hugged him.

"I mean it, I will love you forever, Erin. Someday we'll have lots of babies. I promise." 

"Ok. I promise too."

And then there was a knock on the door and Erin went home wearing John's bath robe, carrying her bloody clothes in a plastic bag.

++++

Erin's Mom told her all about periods when they got home. She had picked up a couple packages of sanitary napkins in Erin's size on the way from the bakery, and they changed the one Erin was wearing. "I'm glad John had these on hand, you would have made a mess."

"How long will this last, Mom?" Erin knew she was supposed to be ignorant of these things, so she went along.

"Oh, usually a few days, sweetie. The first day is usually the heaviest, and it looks like you are having a pretty good flow, so this all looks normal." And then she hugged her daughter, "My little baby is growing up so fast."

Erin started to cry at that, and her Mom assumed it was the hormones.

Erin didn't get on Skype that night, she was sad and uncomfortable in the pad and her tummy hurt a little, and she felt very, very alone.

And she thought about her life, as she fell asleep.

++++

Erin seemed almost normal to John the next day, if a little irritable, she really didn't like wearing a pad. But she was affectionate and let him hold her and she seemed comforted.

At school Erin was forced to lie to her friends, who seemed fascinated, as Erin was the first of their group to get her "period." Erin was not feeling like her usual, sunny self.

Erin stopped bleeding after the third morning, to her and John's great relief. Erin needed affection, and she initiated sex, but John was careful to not cum inside her, until they knew her cycle. Their lovemaking was gentle, but the release was a great relief to both of them, after the stress of those three days.  They both needed the intimacy, and they found it with each other.

Three weeks later Erin got her period, and was irritable again wearing a pad. It was during these times that Erin would slip dangerously close to depression, thinking of her miscarriage. Her mother made a mental note to see if Erin was going to be a regular girl, or not, because she certainly did seem to be getting moody during her periods. And John started her on birth control pills, from the same person from whom he'd gotten the abortion pills. Erin was disappointed they still needed to be careful the first month until the pills were in effect. Once on the pills her next period came right on time, and her mother was satisfied that all was well in her daughter's life, and she could go to work and stop worrying about her all day.

+++

Weeks went by, and John and Erin resumed their love affair, the lost baby not forgotten, but Erin didn't let it dampen her desire for John. Now in puberty, her body was actually now craving sex more than it ever had when she was younger, and soon she was wanting him more than she ever had before. Her body was yearning to be pregnant, again. She got her first pubic hairs, and John seemed to enjoy them. She had to start shaving her armpits and her legs, which was a pain, but she didn't want to look gross. She even started shaving her new pubes, all the girls in the porn movies were shaved, she wanted to be sexy like them.

Erin met with Nora on President's Day, the first time she'd met with one of her friends since the miscarriage, and her new periods. Nora was very warm with her, "Welcome to the club!" and they hugged, and cried, and laughed. Nora noted later that her pussy had tasted a little different, but was still yummy. Erin enjoyed letting her taste all she wanted.

That night, after Nora, Erin had all of her friends on Skype, by chance, and she told them what happened, how she'd been pregnant and lost the baby. Her friends all cried for her, and Erin had cried again, but sharing it with these girls, these dear friends, she felt like she finally had closure, and she never let her lost baby drag her into depression again. Erin loved them all for it.

+++

John knew what that meant. If Ed wasn't made happy, he'd have to be taken care of. He wasn't ready to do that, yet.

Chapter 33

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