Beside Myself

I'd been in the United States for almost a year, living with my uncle and his extended family. There were a total of eighteen people living in a three bedroom house. Looking back, it's amazing that I ever got a moment to myself.

I didn't have much of a bedroom -- in fact, before it became my room, it was actually an entrance to the house from the backyard. It was only four feet wide and about seven feet long. My cot took up most of the space, and my clothes were hung across a rod near the door to the outside. I had bought a full length mirror at a garage sale, using a little of the money that I saved for myself.

I was working sixteen hour days at the dry cleaners, pressing shirts. With the three hundred dollars that I made a week, I took out twenty dollars for rent and forty dollars for food, and tried to send the rest to my parents back in Mexico. I would occasionally buy some clothes and other stuff, but I tried to send at least two hundred dollars to my parents every week. I was the only one in the United States, and the only one making money.

The only thing that I had bought that I didn't actually need was a little radio. As I lay back on my bed, I let myself daydream about my family. I really needed my mother, I missed her so much. Whenever I thought of her, my eyes would fill with tears and I had to use all of my strength not to fall apart. It was only during these times when I was alone in my bedroom, that I would let my feelings out. The loneliness and the sadness I felt without my family was almost unbearable at times.

I was seventeen years old, and from what everybody told me, a very attractive young woman. I had lots of men asking me to go out with them, but I never had the time, I was always working. I went dancing with some of my friends once a month, but apart from that, I spent most of my time alone in my room.

Even though I was seventeen, I was still very innocent. My father had been very strict and jealous, even if he found me talking to a young man, he would ground me. Here in the States, with my parents in Mexico, it was even worse. My uncles wouldn't let me do anything, not even go to the park with my friends. As far as they were concerned, my father left me in their care, and if anything happened to me, it would be their fault.

I had tried to point out that I was no longer a child, but in their macho way of thinking, that was the problem. I wasn't a girl anymore, but a young woman -- an attractive young woman. Sometimes my uncles would even tell me to change clothes, that what I had on was too revealing. Even my father never told me that. As a stubborn teenager, I usually stayed by myself, rather than change into something to please my uncles.

As I listened to the radio, I wondered if my life would ever get any better. I looked at everything that I owned, a rack half full of clothes, three dresses, two skirts, five tops and three pants. A clock radio and three pairs of shoes, a pair of heels for when I went out, a pair of boots that I always wore with jeans, and a pair of tennis shoes for work.

I turned off the radio at ten o'clock, and listened as the last of the people in the house went to bed. Turning off my light, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, again thinking sadly about my family so far away.

After about fifteen minutes of tossing and turning, I heard a knock on the door. Somebody was at the back door of the house, which was my room. I wondered for a few minutes if I should answer it, but the knocking grew slightly louder, and I heard a mumbled female voice.

I turned on the light, and put my ear to the door. "Maria, open the door, it's me." I heard a voice from outside say.

"Who's me? I asked.

"I'm you, or you're me. Just open the door, I'll explain everything."

"I can't open the door. I don't know who you are."

"I can't believe I was ever so paranoid. Listen, Maria. I'm you, Maria Gonzales, only I'm Maria Gonzales from the year 1999, not the Maria Gonzales from 1988."

"Okay. You're me... from 1999. This is weird, you're weird. I'm getting my Uncle."

"No. Listen. I really am you. I can prove it to you."

"And how are you going to do that?"

"Um. I can name everybody in your, I mean our family. Uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, anybody."

"So. That wouldn't prove anything."

"Okay. Hidden in the hem of the black dress is all of your money. Underneath the radio is where you keep your fake immigration papers. You own two bras, both of them 34C, two black dresses, one short and the other even shorter."

"Okay, this isn't funny anymore. Who are you really?"

"Listen. I already told you. I'm Maria Gonzales. The future Maria Gonzales, let me in, I want to talk to you."

"Why can't I believe you? Time travel isn't possible except in bad movies."

"And bad fiction, but I really am who I say. I know how to prove it... I , I mean you, I mean we have a mole, between our legs, right next to the lips of...."

" Callate ! How do you know that?" I yelled in a loud whisper. "Who else would know but you, and me, I mean us."

"I can't open this door. Tio Armando had it nailed shut."

"Yeah right, and you took the nails out the weekend after he did it. I have no idea why though, it's not like you ever sneak out. Let me in, I want to talk to you."

"How do you know all of this about me and what I did and what..."

"I told you. I'm you. Just open the door, look at me and you'll see yourself."

"I shouldn't do this, but I will." I opened the door slightly and peered into the darkness. I saw an older woman, about my height but at least twenty ponds heavier than me.

"Hi Maria." the woman said with a smile.

"Hi." I answered anxiously.

"Let me in. I can explain everything."

I heard my own voice respond, but it seemed different, older somehow." the woman approached the door, and I looked at the face. She was me, the face was a little rounder, the hair shorter, but it definitely was me.

"Can I come into my room?" she giggled.

I opened the door wider and she entered the room.

"It's even smaller than I remember it being." the woman reached out her hand, and I reached hesitantly for it. "Nice to meet you, Maria."

"Um, me too, I guess." I said as I inspected her. I have always realized that I wouldn't be thin forever. On my father's side of our family, all of the women are skinny, but very flat chested. On my mother's side of the family, most of the women are full figured and very busty. When I graduated from an A cup to a B, and then to a C, I knew that it would be hard for me to remain thin my entire life, especially since I wanted to have kids, lots of them.

The woman looked at me, and it was like she read my mind, "Yes, I'm, we're, you're, I'm fat, huh, and our boobs have gotten bigger too, having four kids does that. Close the door, it's chilly out there."

I closed the door and watched as the woman sat on my bed. "Okay," I said, "if you really are me, prove it. And why are you dressed so funny? Why the baggy pants?"

She looked at her clothes and smiled, "It's what we wear in the future. It's a fashion statement." she said with a laugh . "Come over here on the bed next to me and I'll prove that I am you." she said patting the bed next to her.

I shrugged my shoulders and sat next to her, she brought her right arm across her body, and placed it next to mine. "See, we have all the same moles and birthmarks. Do you need to see more?"

I remembered that she knew about the birthmark between my legs and nodded my head no. "I guess that's enough."

"Listen, I could go on and on, not only about physical stuff, but secrets that only you know about. Like how you have always wanted to suckle on a woman's breasts."

"I do not want to do that!" I protested.

"Yes you do, and you know it."

I looked at her, my face turning red with embarrassment. "Okay, I get the point. You are me, ten years from now."

"Eleven, but close enough. I'm not supposed to tell you anything about your, my, our future, but I guess I already blew that by telling you about the four kids. But I'm not supposed to tell you who your future husband is or anything like that."

I looked at her with a puzzled look on my face, "Then why are you here?"

This time, her face turned red, then she pursed her lips and continued, "This is weird, I'm embarrassed to tell myself something. I don't want to tell you anything, well... I guess I do, but I don't exactly know how to say it."

"Say what?"

"I mean, I know we are... you are seventeen years old, but you're too innocent, and I don't want us to miss out on something, I mean..." she pounded her head softly with the palm of her hand and nodded her head. "Sorry, I'm having a little trouble with verb tenses. I want to tell you... I can't believe it, I'm embarrassed to say it." she paused for a second, looked me in the eyes and continued, "Sex. I want you to know how much fun it is and how good it feels."

"Sex?" I asked blushing.

"Yeah, sex." she answered with a smile. "And don't get all shy on me now."

"I don't want to know anything about it. I'm saving myself for when I get married." I answered hesitantly

"The honeymoon is going to be great." she said with a smile, "but I don't mean with another person, but if you want to do that, your future husband won't care anyway, but I mean what you can do by yourself."

"By myself?" I asked, "Don't you need two people for sex... a man and a woman?"

"Well, not always. In bad erotica, a forty year old balding man can do it with ten teenage cheerleaders and his nubile wife, but that's fiction, not real life, in real life a forty year old man is lucky enough to get laid once a week by his wife." she giggled a few seconds and continued, "A man and a woman can do it, so can two men for that matter, two women..."

"I am not gay!" I protested.

"I didn't say that we... you were, we're just curious. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that. I want to show you what you can do by yourself."

"By myself? I don't think I want to know this."

"Trust me, you do."

"Why do you think I want to know?"

"Because I'm you. And I wished I had known about it. I wished I had known a few other things too, but I can't tell you about that stuff. I had a hard enough time convincing the leprechaun to let me do this.

"Leprechaun?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah, but never mind about that for now. You'll know all about it in eleven years. Take of your clothes."

"What!"

"It's okay, I've seen you naked before." she giggled. "If you want, I'll turn around while you strip and get under the blanket. Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

"No." I answered.

"Okay, I guess I forgot how shy I was. This is going to be harder than I thought."

"I am not shy."

"Yes you are. In a few years you won't be shy anymore. I'm going to turn around and close my eyes, when I turn around, I want you in the bed, under the blanket completely naked. Or I'll tell Tio Armando about what you do at work with Chuck."

"I don't do anything with him." I objected.

"Not enough, but I know what you two do, downstairs at the cleaners." she said as she turned toward the wall and closed her eyes.

"We're just playing around." I protested.

"Yes. I know. Start taking off your clothes or everybody will know about it."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me. I'm going to count to five. Uno .

"I can't."

"Dos ."

I pulled my T-shirt over my head. "Completely naked?"

" Tres . Yes, completely naked." she said.

I pulled off my pants. " Cuatro ." she continued to count. I quickly slid off my bra and panties and laid on my bed, pulling the blanket to my neck."

" Cinco ." she said. Turning around, she looked at my clothes piled on the floor.

"I've thought about this for a while," she said as she pulled off her top. "As far as I can see, what might happen is some weird sort of masturbation that can only happen in bad sex stories." She pulled off her pants and top, then stripped off her bra and panties. I really didn't understand what she was talking about. I guessed that I was going to become eccentric as I grew older.

I looked at her nude body, the breasts were fuller and rounder than mine were, the nipples seemed to be bigger too. All of her seemed to be a slightly larger version of me.

"I know, I'm fat. We're fat. Remember to exercise more." she pulled the blanket up, and slid into the bed next to me. Pulling the blanket to her rib cage, she kept her breasts uncovered. I tried not to look at them, instead trying to stare at the wall and the ceiling, but every time I looked at her, my eyes were drawn to her bare breasts.

"Okay. Now I want you to touch yourself, softly, gently." she said with a soft smile.

"Where?" I asked. There was something about the way she said it that convinced me that she was the future. I was now convinced that either she was the future Maria Gonzales, or I was having a very strange dream. Either way, I was convinced that I could trust her.

Her hands moved to her breasts, and she pinched her nipple softly between her fingers. "Just do what I do. Start here."

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"It's wrong. It's dirty. Good girls don't do anything like this." I answered wrinkling my nose.

"No it's not. Trust me. I went through a lot of trouble to set this meeting up. At least you can listen to what I have to say."

"I am listening."

"I know, but trust me. Do what I tell you to do. You're going to love it."

"I am?" I answered with a confused look on my face.

"Yes. Or do you want me to do it for you?"

"No." I answered as I pulled the blanket closer to me.

Her fingers softly played with her nipple, and underneath the blanket, I moved my hand to my breast and did the same with my right nipple. It instantly responded to my touch and hardened.

"How does that feel?" she asked.

"Good, I guess." I answered hesitantly.

"Just wait, it gets better." she slid the blanket off herself, exposing her entire body to me. "Do what I do."

While her hand continued to play with her nipple, she moved her other hand slowly down the front of her body. Opening her legs slightly, she softly rubbed her fingers along her pussy lips. "It feels really good like this. Everything is really soft. Are you doing it?"

"No." I answered as my eyes tried not to look at her nude body.

"Just try it. I promise it's not bad and I promise it won't hurt."

I slowly slid my fingers between my legs, and ran my finger along my slit, just as she was doing.

"See, it feels good. Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes and continued to slide my finger up and down softly along my lips.

"Think about how you feel when you wear something sexy and you catch somebody looking at you. Think about that while you continue to tease yourself. Still feel good?"

"Yeah."

"OK, now press just a little harder." she told me.

"Okay."

"Still feel good?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, now slide your finger between the lips. Are you doing that?"

I did as she asked, and was surprised to find how wet I was. "Yes, it's all wet."

"That's okay, it's normal. How's it feel?"

"Good."

"See. I told you. Okay, slide your finger up just a little bit, do you feel a little thing there, something a little hard, a little piece of skin?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, press against that a little, but not too hard. How's that feel?"

"It tickles a little."

"Okay." she pulled the blanket slowly off me. When I didn't protest, her hand felt my breast, "We had even nicer tits than I remember." Her hand moved down my stomach and she said, "Let me help you a second." I saw her fingers reach between my legs and I moved away.

"Trust me. I'm you, remember. Relax. Has anything bad happened yet?"

"No." I admitted.

She moved her hand back between my legs, and I fought the urge to stop her. With both fingers, she opened my pussy lips, and with an expert touch, she rubbed the hard piece of flesh on the top of my pussy. "How's that feel? Good?"

"Uh-huh." I answered.

"Okay, you do it to yourself for a while."

I moved my hand back down, replacing her fingers with my own. I rubbed myself softly, and I could feel something strange building inside me.

"Wait, rub it here, like this." she moved the skin away from the little bump of flesh, and let me touch it with my finger. I felt a little wave of electricity run through me and I heard myself sigh softy. I opened my eyes to look at her, and she was on her back, doing the same thing to herself that I was. She smiled at me and said, "See. Feels good, doesn't it?"

I nodded my head up and down, and continued to rub my finger on the little knob.

"You're rubbing your clitoris. That's what it's called. Together, we're rubbing our clitorides." she said with a giggle.

She started to rub herself harder, and her hips started to rise off the bed, as a little moan escaped her throat. She looked at me and smiled again, and I watched as her breasts jiggled with her movements. Another soft moan escaped her lips, then a grunt that she couldn't quite keep silent. Her fingers rubbed herself faster and harder, occasionally she would let one finger slide between her lips, pushing it inside her wet pussy.

I could feel the heat from her body, it almost looked like she was trying to move away from her hands, yet she rubbed herself harder. With one more groan, she closed her eyes and stopped rubbing.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and with a satisfied smile looked contentedly at me. "Go ahead. It feels great. Close your eyes and just do what feels good."

I closed my eyes again, and rubbed my clitoris softly. The look of ecstasy on her face was locked in my head. The way her breasts bounced, the way she moved her hips. My fingers moved faster, and I could feel something start to happen. The faster my fingers moved, the stronger the feeling became. Wanting to make that feeling stronger, I moved both hands between my legs, and rubbed the wetness between my lips with one hand, and with the other I continued to rub my clitoris.

The feeling grew stronger and stronger, and I lost my breath. A little moan escaped from my lips, and I felt her lips gently kiss my nipples. Moving my fingers faster, I heard myself groan and scared at what I was feeling, I forced my fingers from between my legs.

As I did, I felt her fingers replace mine, and as she nibbled on my breast, her fingers rubbed my pussy. Lost in the feeling, I pushed myself harder against her, and felt one finger slide gently between my pussy lips. I pushed against her harder, and I heard a moan escape from my throat.

I couldn't take anymore, as good as it felt, I couldn't continue, and I forced myself away from her. She slid next to me, and held me in her arms, her breasts pressed against mine. I opened my eyes to look at her, and found her smiling softly at me. "See. It felt good. Didn't it?"

I nodded my head, and she held me tighter to her. She slid up a little, and pulled me to her. Her bare breast was now inches from my face, and I looked at it, wanting to touch it.

"Go ahead." she said.

I looked up at her, and she placed her hand on my head, gently guiding me to her breast. My lips reached her nipple, and I softly placed it between my lips.

I pushed it further into my mouth and softly suckled it. She sighed and I felt her hand start to rub my back gently. Suddenly she removed her hands from my back, and sat up quickly, pulling her nipple from my mouth. "I don't want to, but I really have to go. I have a train to catch." she explained.

I watched as she stood and started to dress.

"It's a long story, I don't have time to explain everything right now. Just remember what we did tonight. There's nothing wrong with it. Everybody does it. Keep teasing the guys, don't let our uncles control you. Have fun, there isn't anything wrong with sex. It's even better with somebody else. Just be careful and use protection. I mean, don't fuck every guy you see, but there isn't any harm in fucking, as long as you remember to protect yourself, and your future husband will love to hear about your adventures.

"My adventures?" I asked puzzled.

"Yeah, your adventures. Trust me, enjoy yourself. And go ahead and make a move with Mari, she feels the same as you do. It will be a neat experience. If you don't do it, you'll look back someday and wonder what if."

"But..."

"And don't work so hard. Well, at least take some time and have some fun, I know mom and dad need the money."

"But..."

"Listen, I would love to stay longer, but I have to catch this stupid train." she said as she opened the door. The cool air spilled into the room, and the breeze reminded me of my nakedness.

I stood and approached her. She looked at me, smiled and kissed me softly on the forehead. "I'll know in a few minutes when I return to the future if you lived any adventures, and if you didn't, I'll be pretty pissed at you, me, us. Trust me, you'll be happier."

She closed the door behind her, and I looked out my window and saw her board a train. Through the windows of the train, I saw a bunch of faces looking back at me. Remembering that I was naked, I moved my body away from my window, and watched as the future me sat down and looked out at me. With one last smile, she winked at me as the train pulled away into nothingness.

I closed the drapes and crawled back into bed. Before I fell asleep, I rubbed myself to orgasm one more time. When I awoke the next morning, I looked at the time, convinced that I had a very realistic dream. Atop my radio, I saw a little foil packet and a note. I grabbed the packet and read the label, "Trojan ® ^TM Ribbed Condom". Opening the note, I read the words, "© 1999 -- Maria Gonzales."

END